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Angie
July 24, 2016 at 1:48 am
Hi my ex gf broke up with me a month ago. She said she needed space. I tried begging and pleaded to get back together. She wanted to be friends and I tried. Thats when she confessed she has a connection with this guy. Well it hurt me because we dated for two years and we were a lesbian couple btw. Is this a rebound?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 26, 2016 at 5:54 pm
Hi Angie,
it looks like it’s a grass is greener syndrome
sweet
July 22, 2016 at 2:04 pm
hi, my ex bf for 5 years had found someone else after 3 months but within that 3 month period we were spending sometime together.. is he in a rebound relationship? after i figured recently that he has a new gf i was really depressed and started to chase him. we both agreed to meet and i keep calling him and he told me that it wont be fair to his new gf anymore..and then i realized i was too shallow for doing such things considering his got a gf already.. i have told him that i wont be seeing him again anymore because i am also considering leaving the country.. he did not respond to my last message and i stopped pursuing him. can you tell what goes on in his mind about us and with the relationship he has, was it just a rebound? i appreciate the advice..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Hi Sweet,
it looks like a grass is greener case.. and that he is moving on to her.. are you leaving the country for.good?
Ariane
July 16, 2016 at 5:37 am
Hi Chris & Team!
You guys a pretty much the relationship experts so I’d like to see what your opinions and answers are to a couple of my questions.
1) How long would you say it usually takes a guy to commit to you (basically have the “where is this going” relationship talk where you finally label yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend). Let’s say you’ve been hanging out the guy many times a week, and even have sex. How long does it usually take or should take to call each other girlfriend/boyfriend?
2) If your ex seems to move on to a new girl right after your break up, but he claims she isn’t his girlfriend. Would that be considered FWB and not a rebound relationship? and if you wish to get your ex back, do you approach it is him having a new girlfriend? Or are there different tactics you’d suggest?
Thanks so much 🙂 you guys are awesome!
[email protected]
July 16, 2016 at 10:17 pm
It’s actually about my ex lol!
He broke up with me 4 months ago and well started hooking up with an old friend/ex of one of his friend’s about 5 weeks after our break up…they’ve been hooking up/seeing each other for about 9 weeks….they aren’t official or so he claims….I was just wondering how long it usually takes before one of the partners wants it to be “official.” I should note when we started seeing each other it took about 8 weeks for him to ask me to be his gf.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 17, 2016 at 4:34 pm
that depends on how their relationship is.. we don’t know how they spend time together, so it’s hard to tell..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 16, 2016 at 8:01 pm
Hi Ariane,
Thank you!
how long have you(or your friend of this is for a friend) had been seeing him?
and 2, yes that approach can be applied
GEORGANNA
July 13, 2016 at 5:53 pm
My relationship with my guy was a little bit different. First of all it last 3 years to the day of our first date. But our relationship was on the down low because it was very complicated because he has 2 small girls and 1 girl that was in college. His Ex wife was very demanding and it was just have been to difficult to work me in this scenario. They were a tight knit family. But we talk almost everyday had the best sex and I seen him at least once a week. over time the situation changed his ex wife got a boy friend and started shoving the boyfriend on the kids. Trying to make him daddy. Anyway I think my Ex was having some real emotional problems dealing with this. So he goes out and finds a younger women with 3 kids. then out of no where dumps me. Since then I have been trying to do the no contact rule. But I seen him driving down the road and he almost wreck his vehicle staring at me. I just want him back there was a communication problem. And on top that he said he would not be having no sex with her. So I’m thinking this is a rebound relationship. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 13, 2016 at 6:51 pm
Hi Georgina,
I don’t get how having another woman with kids of her own will help him with his relationship with his own kids.. if he’s trying to do it to be like a dad to them, then he’s just making it worse… don’t believe him that he’s not going to sleep with her.. do active nc so you can have time to think
layla
July 10, 2016 at 4:50 pm
hey Amor
I was wondering if you could help me, I was in a relationship for a year and 7 months well things got complicated and he dumped me after a year he got in a relationship with this girl and they lasted a year too well they recently broke up and now hes contacting me apologizing and telling me he made a mistake by leaving me and that his other relationship was mediocre compared to ours and he only got with her because he felt physical attraction but with me it every type of attraction and connection. I just want to know if you think he is being honest or am I being the rebound this time? I just find it offending that right after he breaks with me he contacts me, even tho he said he “tried” to contact me before but that he thought i blocked his number. Do you think I should believe him, I think for now we should just stay friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 9:04 pm
Hi layla
let him prove first that you’re not a rebound
IAB
July 10, 2016 at 11:12 am
A friend of mine introduced me to “rebounds” because of what I’m going through. Basically I’ve been with my ex bf for almost six years but we’ve been in love on and off for over ten years. We had a really bad year last year and in February of this one he broke it off. Turns out he’s now dating another person (three months after the break up) and this person has so many things in common with me it’s actually creepy (even her cat!). She doesn’t really look like me cause I’ve dark hair/eyes and she has light hair/eyes but her name is on of the names my mother wanted to give me (they’re all names that start with E, I always joke about it and my ex knows), our surnames are similar and she’s even born the same month and period (early november) I was supposed to be born (I’m a premature baby, and again my ex KNOWS about this). It gets weirder because this girl’s ex has the same name of mine and they’re similar in appearance (both light hair/eyes, beards and glasses). I honestly don’t know what to think. I feel bad because she seems to be “better” than me, I have anxiety issues and depression and she, obviously, doesn’t. She’s like… Me without the issues so it’s easier to be with I guess. During the thirteen years we’ve known and liked and even loved each other, we had other relationships and such, we even loved others for long period of times but eventually came back to each other. The fact that this girl and me have so much in common just hits me hard because it truly feels like a joke. I dont know what to do or think…
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Hi IAB,
start nc and focus on yourself.. time to love yourself, heal, improve and break up with depression and insecurity
laghid
July 6, 2016 at 1:36 pm
hi please i need some help. i was dating a girl for about 1 year, after that i broke up with her because i was not seeing her the same way. we stayed in contact for about 8 or 9 months during this time she was trying to fix the relation but I had too many problems with my studies and other issues so couldn’t make that and I was always telling her that she has to “move on”. 3 months ago all my problems disappeared and i was trying to reach her again but it seemed to be too late. now she is dating another guy since almost 1 and a half month.
we had a serious relationship, I met her parents and came many times to their house, we had some intimate sexual contacts(which in my country is considered a very huge thing) but not sex. we are still talking a little via whatsapp, Ialways have to start the conversation but she reads my status and sees my pp and comments or asks about them. I love her very much and I am quite sure she is dating someone else just to forget about me; rebound relationship(maybe I’m wrong) what do you recommend me to do??do you think I have a chance to get the relationship back when they break up?? what should I do when they break up? thanks for your help
laghid
July 6, 2016 at 1:37 pm
oh i forgot to put our ages!! I am 23 and she is 18
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 7, 2016 at 1:29 pm
Hi Laghid,
when was the last time you talked? Do you want to try active no contact?
Macy
July 3, 2016 at 5:41 am
Amor, please help me. I’m 26 and my ex boyfriend is 19. I know really young. I work with him at a retirement center. That’s how we became friends. We were just friends for 8 months. He struck me as very mature right off the bat and due to his home life I understood how. Anyways he ended up moving in with me cause of family issues and then two months later he told me he liked me. I put him off even though I knew I liked him. The age thing was still an issue. After a month of pondering we started dating. And yes, he had a bad problem with communication and still does kinda. We were working on it. Anyway we were only together for 6 months. He broke up with me cause he felt I needed someone more stable and wanted to go out and see if I’m really the kind of girl he wants. He started seeing another girl 5 days after we broke up. And I’m trying the NC but I didn’t start it till he moved out to a friends. I still see him at work and hes angry that I’m just polite to him and won’t be his actual friend like we used to be before dating. I’m worried cause he’s not trying at work anymore and everyone is coming to me about it. I’m trying to give him space but he’ll ignore me one minute at work and then flirt and bring up little memories of our past the next. He doesn’t contact me outside of work right now and he’s stopped looking at my snapchats. I’m so confused and hurt. I know NC is for me to work on myself and that I am doing. I’m working out I’m reading more and going out with friends even a couple dates. I know It’ll take time to get him back but the way he’s acting at work and towards me makes me wonder why I still like him so much since he’s clearly not the guy I fell for. I just feel like his actions this past month are from the break up but I’m not sure. It’s been a month since he broke up with me. So he’s been with her for 3 ish weeks now. I think she is a rebound but I’m not sure. What can I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 6:45 pm
Hi Macy,
if he wanted to get back with you, he would have said it.. Let him be, if this is part of him growing up, then that’s more reason for you not to step in..he has to his own decisions and he has to realize what he really wants
Kris
July 1, 2016 at 2:51 pm
RIght now that I have found out about the other girl. I am contemplating whether to just move on completely or “move on without moving on” and still hope to get him back. I am improving myself and occupying myself with the things that I have to do and goals I have to reach. We are under the same profession, I just need to get my license and that’s what I try to focus on really hard right now. I also started to do the hobbies that I used to do even if it reminds me of the times we used to be together. I don’t want the break up to stop me from doing the things I love just because we’re not together anymmore. I try to make myself believe that I can be happy and do it without him. And I can. But I just really want him back, we’ve talked about our future together so much when we were still together. And I’ve never had that connection with anyone else, not even with my ex husband. As of now I can manage to do things on my own. Do the things that make me happy. Hanging out with friends. Reaching out to more friends. I have actually even made new friends. I was actually on my way to healing and planning on restarting things back with him after active NC until I have found out about the girl on the other side of the world. I just dont know if she was one of the reasons he left me cause he said before when I confronted him that he had no feelings for her. I feel like he started pursuing her because I have been ignoring him when I try to do NC on and off. He said that ignoring him puts the distance between us. And the fact that he’s been trying to tell me how stressed he is in life and tell me his problems, I dont want to be an emotional dumpster then he takes advantage by sleeping with me. I have asked him to stop the FWB and heal for both of us. thats why I want to know if this girl is a rebound or something serious. I just can’t believe the fact that it’s not even 3 months since we broke up and I’m already replaced. :((( Thanks so much for replying to the comments it somewhat gives me insight on things
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 6:14 pm
it looks like a rebound
Leyya
July 1, 2016 at 9:54 am
I broke up with my ex two months ago . We were in relationship for a year. And now he is already trying to get a new girl. My friends told me that he dated that girl. What should i do? I still cant take him off from my mind . I feel sad the fact that he left me for another girl. Should i tell him what i feel? Or should i pretend that im okay without him . What should i do ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 5:30 pm
Hi Leyya,
you should start active no contact
Kris
June 30, 2016 at 4:43 am
Hi its me again. 🙁 Okay so you know that I have been trying NC on and off and have failed a couple of times Probably 4 restarts. Until I finally decided to do active strict NC. Because he has been emotional the past days talking about the breakup. So I have told him that we still need time to heal. He responded me with “Okay, one day we will meet again and everything will be okay :)” after that I’ve only been on NC until today on my 3rd day. Since I’ve been missing him I did the stupid act of fb stalking and found out that he sent a bouquet of flowers to the this girl who is like on the other side of the world say almost 8000 miles away from him. He met this girl at this group company project they were doing when he went back to our country home. Okay so the story goes like this. He had to go to our country home for a group project for his work for 3weeks. We were so okay before he left.. Dropped him off at the airport I love you’s and all until we got into a big argument around 1.5 weeks while he was still out of country. so on the argument he has been pushing me off wont reply to my messages telling me he needs space whatsoever while he was there. So I let him, I didnt contact him, gave him his time working, until it was his time to go Back here.. of course I need to pick him up from the airport. So when he got back he got cold with me. until we broke up probably like jjust 3 days after he got back.. a week after we broke up, since I was Fb stalking I saw that he has been exchanging likes and comments with this girl he met. who obviously likes my ex. I was so furious when I actually met up with him and confronted him about it.. he said it’s nothing. he admits that it’s a girl that has a crush on him and he has no feelings back to her that she is 5 years younger. Okay so, I let it go I stupidly trust him with his words. one month After the break up I found out about this site. I’ve been trying to do NC but keep failing so we keep hanging out still as friends and he acts like the way he does when we were still together towards me. Until one day we had this eat out that was planned and he bailed out on me cause he said that he was too tired from work and he’ll just make it up to me for the next day. So I told him it was okay, since I had a friend who was asking to eat out anyways… the day after that we met up and he started questioning me who the “friend” was, friend from where, where did I go, why did I go home so late, and stuff only a bf SHOULD ask. I don’t get his actions. So the day after this “interrogation” (this is the make up day for the one he bailed out on) he asked to watch a movie and eat out. while we were eating. I could see him peeking on my phone on whoever I am chatting with. then he was joking bout “ya think we can still hang out like this even if we have new gf/bf? maybe do a group date?” I just said Maybe. The day after that was the day I decided to do strict NC I messaged him that we need time to heal. he said okay one day we will meet and everything will be okay, So now 3 days into NC and I see him on fb sending a bouquet of flowers to this girl that he said he had no feelings for before?! btw he unfriended me on social media so I just stalked on the girls page and stupidly saw her post. -_- Is this a rebound relationship? We went out for a year, happy memories, (it was just that one big argument and other issues) and it’s barely 3 months after we broke up. Right now even though I so want to confront him, I’m trying to keep calm and stay on NC. since I’m thinking she’s like 8000 miles away anyways I have the edge on this. But still, I want to know if this is possibly a rebound relationship? cause a few days ago he was just telling me how hurt he was still about everything. and then he does this???? Sending flowers to this girl. Is it logical to stay on NC or just move on now? idk if he really has feelings for this girl. cause lately too he has been saying to me “I think someone younger than me is okay to be with, since we can still have kids by the time I finish my studies and be stable” (His stable goal age is 30, we’re only 25 right now. and that girl is 19!) So is that a factor? he fears that when we turn 30 I cant give him kids anymore and I have kids on my own too from my ex husband but he was totally okay with that he loves the kids.. I dont know. im lost again. Please help. 🙁
Kris
June 30, 2016 at 4:53 am
Btw, before I started to decide to do active NC. his actions were not parallel with his words. like he would say that, theres really nothing that we can do about the relationship anymore, that he can’t go back to it, he’s still healing, he’s still hurt. but when we hang out he acts like he’s my boyfriend!!asking my whereabouts, asking about my life. he keeps asking if I’ve been seeing someone already. to let him know if I am so he can distance himself away from me. well one day, like I said he even just told me he still owns me until no one is going out with me!! which I though was insensitive and rude. the worst part is we were FWB, sleeping together almost every weekend until I’ve had enough and told him I can’t do it anymore then started strict active NC and 3 days into it I find out about this girl. what does his actions mean and what should I continue??? IM confused tottally,
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 12:05 pm
I think you’re purpose is not on the right track.. do active nc more for yourself, not just to get him back. HEal and improve so that whatever you decide after it, you only gained improvement for yourself.
Sarah
June 29, 2016 at 4:12 pm
I stumbled upon your article and went through your website. As you can guess, I went through a breakup and I am trying to get my ex back.
We were together for 1.5 years, and suddenly (for me) 3 months ago – he broke up with me. Things escalated badly within a few days after the breakup where we got in a fight and he deleted me off facebook. That night he also said I lost all chances he wanted to give me.
Then we went with no talking for two weeks. Hlafway midweek he texted me about some financial issue from our trip before the breakup and I somewhat knew he wasnt angry anymore from one of the things he said. But I let it be and didnt do anything about it.
It started with the coming weekend (after two weeks) we were both going on a camping trip (we both rockclimb and part of a rockclimbing club). I decided I cant put something I like on hold and should try going for it. But as we both live together before I contacted him needing my camping clothes and gear. I dropped by and the apartment post-breakup seems different. he was standing there making dinner in his pjs like he usually does, and I just walking in said hi, and went to the second bedroom where my stuffs are at and start packing. it was raining and I was soaking wet from walking and he offered me tea. so we sat down for a while, and then he asked if I would like to go bouldering with him for a bit and I said yeah, and things went really well, it felt like a date but I know its not, and he kept telling me he misses me and all. We ended up sleeping together. During the weekend somehow we ended up sharing tents again but on the last day he sudddenly became distant, and I did the wrong thing by asking, it led to a mini arguement of him saying I misunderstood and asking me to leave him alone. When I did – he kept coming back to me and try talking to me during climbing.
That was the start of it – then over the past two months we kept hanging out, and he was texting me everyday. He initiated all contact and he always makes the plans. We go climbing, fly drone, obstacle races, and I could see he still loves me. One day about a month ago he said we should talk, and I stresses on how I dont want to do it over the phone. So we had plans to watch the rock climbing competition together and I went thinking oh its gonna end badly – but instead we had lunch, watch competition, did a bit of shopping and finally when we finished he talked to me on the drive back from the place. He said he feels like we are heading to a place that he dont want to be – getting back together. He sid sorry for the breakup – he felt we were in a bad place and theres nth to do about it. Given said that, although he misses me and like spending time with me, he is scared its coz hes lonely, and he needs a stronger reason to try again. I told him I know when we broke up we were in a bad place ( I was away for 3 months and we are bad with long idstance) and we shouldnt go to that, but I hope we can hit reset and try again, going out and find each other. He said he knows its hard for me, but thats what he feels and we ended the conversation without any conclusion, He also told me that night he have tinder- he said he needed something to stop him from thinking about me all the time. I weirdly wasnt worried, I somehow knew he still have strong feelings towards me.
After the talk we continue hanging out and going out – with him being hot and cold. But mostly hot. He mentioned its hard for him to ignore me when I’m there. He always try to be close and touch me and try to expand time we spend.
Then we reached two weeks ago – we had another long weekend and we went camping again with the club. He put me in his car (theres a carpooling system and he was the trip leader). On that week I see he was online on whatsapp more often, and I had a strange feeling (before this he only uses it for me – so for two months hes only online when he replies me) I tried brushing it off but deep down I know something isnt right. And when I reached his place before going for the trip – I saw he was texting a girl.
I got really sick that day. Apparently my sister (whom im living with) caught a virus and I got infected. I got really sick and being outdoors in the cold doesnt help. On the first day I went back to cmap halfway and slept. that night he asked me to come sleep in his tent, and he shared his sleeping bag with me. He hugged me whole night to keep me warm. The next night we had pit roast on campfire and someone made mulled wine. He got super drunk that night, and initially we were sitting in a mini group talking about things (another things he does is, he keeps tellling people about things we did together – this time was how when he brought me back to his place to meet his family). Then suddenly it was just me and him on the bench – and he had some ashes on his cheeks so I rubbed it off.
And suddenly he started talking. He said he wish we are still together, and he hates me because we are not. He said he hates me because he wants a family with me and how his parents would love if the kids would look like me (I’m asian). He said we killed the love, and he hates me because with him theres no turning back. I asked if I should give up and he said yes. Then he added saying he shared tents was because he dont want me to freeze to death and he is worries sick. Then I asked, if thats not love what is? (its illogical someone giving up their sleeping bag for me and I’m noone to him – as I doubt I would even do it for anyone except him). And he said its just caring. Then he stumbled back to the tent and I knew he wont remember it. He got sick from too much drinks and in return I ended up taking care of him. We made out the next morning. He caught me crying the next morning and I didnt tell him the whole thing he said, he hugged me and said “But what can we do”.
Since that trip, hes been distant. Thats two weeks ago. Hes online more often on whatsapp and of course I went to worrying and he still text sometimes but really cold and short. last week midweek I drop by his place for some documents (my stuffs are still there – when things were good we didnt bother with it). And I tried to just leave immidiately, even putting boots and coats on. but he kept stalling me, and he always do this thing to get close to me he will tickle me. so he could hug me. He even went weird when he saw my cousin texted me and he went through my messages, and even in facebook. And he kept teasing “you like me dont you?” when he said he will go to bed I asked him to lock the door, and we stood for a while in the doorway and usually when he stares and linger he need a little nudge so i half hugged him and tried to kiss, but hes like no kiss tonight, and so I left, i heard him opening dorr behind me but i didnt turn. as i walked to station i text jokingly asked why he opened door, and he went all emotional how he didnt want to spend evening with me and why cant we be normal and not hug and kiss, and so i just said sorry i misread it.
Last weekend we were on a rock climbing course, and on the way he texted me asking if my car stop at the store can I get him wraps. and despite of how temping it is to be mean I said ok, and I saw he was online constantly and suddenly he text saying he forgot tea. and i felt like hes only texting me now when he need something, and I got annoyed why hes asking me and not anyone else. But as I am borrowing his extra sleeping bag for an extra warmth I just replied nicely saying I got tea and he can have some. When we were pitching our tents he kept calling me (but after first confusion as theres another Sarah on the trip I just ignored him. Later I saw a text saying, help me pitch tent if you want sleeping bag. I went to him and took the sleeping bag and explained how I didnt see text. And for the first time since we broke up – we succesfully slept in different tents.
The next day I noticed he still comes and stand close to me, but not as obvious as before. Before when hes around me he become this attention seeking little boy. He would stand close to me, and come check on me after a while. Towards the end of the day he seems comfortable again, and start booping me – he would playfully poke – and during dinner, he tried being cute, and despite how he didnt want to share garlic bread he gave me his last piece, and knee touching under the table and occasionally he sould nudge with is hand, and when I madep lans to climb in city with other people hes like but I wanted to and it went on. Afterwards during campfire I sat with Victor and when his car arrive, they fill up the place – and I could see whenever I move around to get away from smoke, he would look for me. On Sunday we split into two groups and at the end of the day he came to me when I was dismantling my tent to ask how was our day – but its more of a group question, then during dinner, when his driver was ready to leave he left and didnt even say goodbye or anything to me, like I didnt exist. and I did not expect a special one, but everyne else was like “see ya soon!” and he just left.
And these few days I see hes constantly online all the time! Which i know he hates, and Im assuming hes talking to her. He no longer talk to me like he used to. And I feel replaced..
I still want him, but I dont know what are my chances. Im sorry for the long email, but I really need some help, hope you can help
Sarah
July 8, 2016 at 3:01 pm
How do I know when to initiate contact, and what to say? Its been 3 days since we last spent time/talked
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 8, 2016 at 5:05 pm
you can initiate now..and choose a texting style in this post:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Sarah
July 6, 2016 at 9:01 pm
It feels like we have talked and progress a lot last weekend. But it feels like every step forward we take we will go two steps back. He told me his friends said its unhealthy we hang out :/
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 7, 2016 at 1:18 pm
don’t rush it.. it’s better to slowly build rapport through texys and calls first before concentrating on meeting up always.. and continuing to have your own life.. it’s ok to initiate contact, what’s more important is that you end it..
Sarah
July 6, 2016 at 12:33 pm
Okay. So how does it work? Like do I only wait for him to initiatw or I should sometimes initiate? Should I worry the fact he said he wants to start dating?
Sarah
July 5, 2016 at 9:42 am
Ive done the full nc, and after that for past two months we have been hanging out again, and sometimes we talk. He still seem to not want to try again. And recently he start ignoring me. And i was trying to do the 7day nc and after that when we meet thibgs goes reslly good but he will do sth like tell me he will start dating, or like yesterday he told me he finally told his parents about the breakup…and i dont know what to do now
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 5, 2016 at 11:01 pm
don’t resist or question his actions because he will defend it.. continue on the activities you are being active in to maintain being the ungettable girl and let go of the previous relationship.. while slowly rebuilding rapport.. It’s like continuing to be friends with him now but not being present all the time because you have your own life, to show you’re not chasing anymore and to influence his thinking about you
Sarah
June 30, 2016 at 8:47 pm
Yes 🙁 well a mini one
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 1:51 pm
why just a mini one? are you actively improving yourself? if he’s ignoring you then you need to take a full nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 5:15 pm
Hi Sarah,
are you in nc nowM
Lexie k
June 24, 2016 at 2:00 pm
So my ex and i were together for six years im 21 and he’s 23. Prior to our breakup for the past couple of months i had been really depressed dealing with the son that we lost two years ago and around march is when i really get depressed and i didnt notice how big of a toll it took on our relationship. I mean it was both of our child. The other thing i was dealing with were issues of past sexual abuse that i suffered as a teenanger, i also wanst aware of how depressed i really was and how i was projecting that depression upon him. I was so down and i didnt mean to intentionally push him away. We didnt have a perfect relationship but he did propose on christmas and i thought that he would just help me get through this phase but to see it that way then wasnt fair to him. But the day that we broke up felt very strange. Everything just seemed to be off that day. Usually he would call on his lunch break, but he didnt. And when he gets off work he calls to let me know hes on his way home. But he didnt. So he gets home goes to sleep and u hate that i did this but i looked through his phone and saw that he had been talking to this girl and they were saying they loved each other and baby this and baby that. And it just sent shock through my heart. I couldnt believe that he was saying this to someone else knowing i was already in pain. So i confronted him, he said he cant do this anymore, then i packed my bags and booked a hotel for two weeks.
A few days go by and i just wanted to give him time to cool off. So i reached out to him and we met back at our apartment to talk and i asked well “who is she”? And he was hesistant at first and he said well i just met her a couple of days ago. And i said ok, do you really love her, he was hesitant. Then i got angry because the person i have been with for six years and woke up to every morning was basically telling me he wanted to be with someone else. I . couldn’t believe it. So to continue i went back to the hotel trying to piece together everything that was said and i was truly in denial. I just wanted everything to be back normal. But i knew it was completely over . So i started looking for different videos as to how to get him back and reading through thousands of reviews. It made me feel like i had a chance. But its been a month yesterday that we have been broken up and he just told me that the new girl is a stripper from atlanta and shes 4 years older than him? It just doesnt seem like someone he would typically date. But any who he booked a flight to atlanta to visit her for four days! And they had only met one time a month ago and he recently went there to see her last week. This is nothing he would never do because usually i manage his bills and hes never been on a flight before or out of town. In between all of this we have had sex 3 times and each time felt as if we were back together but i was wrong. Honestly, is there a chance of us getting back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 7:48 am
Hi Lexie k,
first you have to stop sleeping with him, are you in active no contact now?
Sarah
June 23, 2016 at 12:25 pm
Hi, me and my ex split up around 2 months ago. About a week after, he started seeing this girl from work taking her to fancy places and calling her very frequently even when it seemed like she didn’t want to speak with him (I checked his phone bill). When he ended it with me he told me that he liked someone else but it wasnt her and that he doesnt want to work on our relationship. Since then, I done NC where he messaged me 4 times including asking to meet up. However, now he is giving me mixed signals where he contacts me or puts up relationship aimed pictures on his social media accounts. I’m so distraught and I’m terribly confused whether I should try to get him back. It seems this girl is not a rebound
Sarah
June 23, 2016 at 12:29 pm
Also, I realised that when he is around her he has previously deleted my number from his phone to perhaps make her feel comfortable with the idea that he is over me. I am now in the texting phase and when recently when I have been texting him, he doesn’t bother to ask how I am anymore and always seems to be messaging someone else very late at night which I’m assuming is her
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 27, 2016 at 3:02 pm
HI Sarah,
how long did you do nc and did you continue the activities you started there until now?
Anita
June 22, 2016 at 3:37 am
Alrighty, settle down cause its gonna be a long ride. This guy was never my boyfriend and we never officially dated, so that makes things a bit trickier. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this guy.
Here’s some background:
Last June, I met this guy off Tinder. We hung out, getting to know one another. Honestly, I wasn’t into him at first because he was 19, not 20 like his profile said. I ended up giving him a chance because he reminded me so much of myself when I was 19. I was somewhat guarded due to a bad experience with being a ex’s rebound, who I met when I was 19, destroying my confidence. However, this guy was one of the people who got me to open up a little, hence us getting closer. He knew of my ex and that it was messy for me. In fact, the mess had affected me for two years until recently.
Though things started off platonic, he was never shy about the prospect of hooking up. We started getting closer around November/December. Even more so in January, where he became very, very affectionate. We met up to celebrate his birthday and ended up rough-housing in the park. He would grab me so he could hold me in his arms. That happened a lot that night. We really bonded over similar interests and such. From then on, he was consistently affectionate and I noticed a difference in the way he talked to me. His usually deep voice became much more softer and sweeter when he talked to me.
Around March, things started falling apart between us. We had a very fun day together but later that night he told me he had been in contact with a girl he used to be involved with. For me, this triggered bad memories of my ex because he kept in contact with his previous girlfriend before leaving me out of the blue.
Like, I said, he was never shy about wanting sex from me since day 1, but he didn’t actually try til that night. I was in shock so even though I wanted to, I couldn’t reciprocate. Seeing that I wasn’t comfortable, he stops. He can tell that I have something to say. I tell him I wish he took my feelings into consideration. He told me did but that was nothing for me to worry about concerning this old flame. He tells me he isn’t hurt by it anymore and that he doesn’t care about nor think much of her. He also tells me that it’s not his job to make her feel guilty and he took it as a lesson. I knew that he wasn’t lying, but I was so afraid of being vulnerable and getting hurt again that I became less open, less like myself, and more irrational.
He became upset that I was unhappy and asked if there was anything he could do or anything I wanted him to change. It made me so sad that he was this upset. There was nothing he could have done, it was my own insecurity. Next he gives me a really big hug telling me that he cares about me. I tell him I wished he met me when I was 19 because I felt like he would have liked more then, as I was much more expressive, confident, and funny. He tells me, “I think you’re pretty rad now”.
Although we hadn’t brought up my ex in a while, he asked how old I was when I met my ex. I’m guessing he was smart enough to put two and two together. We talk some more, then he gives me another big long hug, telling me not to worry so much because I had finals coming up.
I was already guarded before I met him, and the degree to which I let down my guard varied, making it difficult in general for me to communicate my thoughts and feelings.
The next time we meet up, I got into an argument over him being in contact with this girl. Because I became very guarded again, I was pretty hostile during the argument. We reconcile, but it didn’t go the way I wanted so I’m still scared about being hurt. At the end of the night, he sees I’m still not happy. We’ve had minor arguments/disagreements before but we’d always find a way to compromise and move on and that was that. No guilt tripping or anything. So I guess it was unusual for me. He tried for sex again that but I told him I was on my period. He respectfully stops and instead sneaks up on me when I’m not paying attention and holds me in his arms again.
We met up one last time in April. I was still unhappy. He noticed this from the get-go. He would ask me things like what’s on my mind and tell me that he worried about me. I told him that I hear that from people a lot. He responds, “don’t you think people mean it when that say that?”. I was a lot quieter than usual, so he’d ask me what I was thinking about but I wouldn’t give him a straight answer. He’d ask me what’s wrong but I’d never answer. He makes a lot of jokes to get me to laugh. He tries to put on music I like. Throughout the night he asks me things like if I ever saw myself with a guy two years younger than me, and what my favorite song was because he’d think he’d understand me better. He tells me things like even though he doesn’t wear cologne regularly, he wears the one I got for him on his birthday on special occasions like that moment, even though we’re just sitting around in his car. Even though I’m a lot colder than before, he’s still very affectionate towards me. It seemed like he tried his hardest to make me happy that night.
At the end of the night, I tell him that I’ve noticed things about since day one. He understands these things to be negative ones but they were things we’ve talked about before. But my fear of being vulnerable stops me from talking about them again. And honestly, they weren’t necessarily awful. If they were, I would have been gone a long time ago.
In all honesty, I was too scared to tell him my real feelings, that him being in contact with a ex made me scared that I was going to get hurt again. The situation, for all its shallow similarities, reminded too much of what happened between me and my ex.
The “Break-up”:
Eventually repressing everything becomes too much and I tell him we need to talk. The last time we met up was in May. I confess to liking him and why I was so upset. He was surprised that I felt that way about him. He tells me he shouldn’t take me seriously because he only wanted sex. Given his past behavior with me, I don’t buy into it.
Apparently he didn’t know I had feelings for him because I had a lot of anger over my ex and that he only felt close to me the times we met up in January and March. It was during this period that I let myself be the most vulnerable to him. I explained to him that I never wanted to get back with my ex and he seemed to be relieved by this.
We talk some more and he stressed he didn’t even try initiating sex til after we started getting close. He tells me after that first try in March, he told me has, “just over it”. Honestly, I feel like a guy who’s only interest in sex would wait til then. I feel like he would have just tried with another girl or stopped after the first time I rejected him. He tells me that he supposedly only had some interest in me. I don’t really buy this. I don’t think he would have been as affectionate as he was previously.
These are kind of dumb minor things but before we parted ways in March, he puts a key-chain in my bag, I give it back to him and he tells me to keep it because he cares about me. I noticed he was messing around with his keys and it wasn’t until April that I noticed he had a similar key-chain. He wanted us to match, I think it was/is really sweet. He always liked to point out that were we matching whenever we were both wearing something remotely similar. Also, on the day we argued, later that night he let me keep his favorite hat, telling me to keep it because he didn’t need it. I gave it back because I knew it was his favorite though.
I also don’t believe him because it seems like he started changing for me, to make me happier. I got mad that he’d forget to respond to my texts, so he told me he was working on it but wasn’t the type of guy to always be texting back and forth. He knew that being punctual and planning things was important to me, even though he wasn’t the type to plan everything out either (I was during this time). One day he slept through our plans, and I was very upset with him. Over the phone he told me he didn’t mean to, and even wrote down our plans, which was very unusual for him. He told me he really was trying and that he even though he was late the previous time we met up, he tried his best to be not as late. I really do appreciate these efforts from him. Even still. He also started working out again when we started getting closer, for obvious reasons.
I think the biggest change he made was decreasing drug use. He dabbled in recreational drug use from time to time (mostly weed). I wasn’t the type to do this, due to health reasons, but I never passed judgement on him for it. I only told to be careful and not go overboard with it. Last December, he went on a road trip with his friends to Washington and brought back a bunch of weed with him. He sent me snaps of him with some of the drugs (he had a tendency to send me snaps whenever he was drunk or sometimes high). I tell him that I worry about his health because he’s so young and want him to be healthy. He tells me I’m right and he’ll be more careful about his drug use. Pretty much every time we met up this year, he’d always bring up how little he smoked. It seemed like he was showing it off in a sense, like he did it for me.
Anyways, back to our “break-up”. We talk about a bit more, he tells me he started losing interest in me because I lost confidence in myself and became self-deprecating. He tells me I’m really funny and fun to be around but I needed to learn how to deal with my problems and learn how to cope with my anxiety, because everyone has to deal with something. I tell him since last time we met up, I think I’m getting better. Interestingly enough, he cuts me off and says, “I can SEE you’re getting better!” with a lot of force. But there was a sad quality to it, something like remorse.
We talk some more and he tells me that he thinks we should keep our distance for the time being but keep contact, meeting up again in the summer. He stresses that he’s almost done with school and that summer is not that far away. We talk some more and he says maybe we can just be friends. His proposal didn’t sound all that sincere. After some more talking, to him it eventually boils down to: we keep our distance til summer or we still meet up, only as friends. He tells me he thinks it’s better if he just kept our distance. I was in shock honestly. I asked him if he still cares for me and he said he does.
The rebound?:
Eventually he confesses to me that about a week after seeing me, he started sleeping with a girl he had known for years. He tells me that he doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with two people, even if they were both aware of it because he’s done that before and felt like shit over it. And he knows I want a relationship and he couldn’t do that my feelings. He tells me he views sex as sort of a spiritual thing and that he only sleeps with one person at a time for a certain period.
I ask him if this girl is his girlfriend. He tells me that’s what he’s trying to figure out because he’s, “been doing a lot with this girl”. I didn’t say anything because at this point because it had been less than two weeks that they started sleeping together, so it seemed like he was rushing into things. In response to my silence, he gets defensive and says that he’s never been in a real relationship before. I tell him that I wish he had told me. He tells me doesn’t like to showcase the relationships he’s in on social media.
I couldn’t help but feeling doubtful about their relationship because I don’t think most guys would be as affectionate as he was, even when I was cold to him, and suddenly start sleeping with another person, and thinking about being in a relationship less than two weeks after that. Let alone having to debate whether or not you wanted to be with someone. Honestly, the whole thing screamed “REBOUND” to me (all my friends think so without a doubt). I know guys have a reputation of moving on fast but this just seemed so flimsy to me. Everything about it moved too quick to be stable, even if he knew her for a long time. By his own admission, he wasn’t even over me by the time he started sleeping with her, stating that he was “in the middle of losing interest in me” by that point. (If I was in the girl’s shoes, I’d be crushed if I knew this. Maybe she does.). Also, what he said to me didn’t even make it seem like he was necessarily happy with her, just that they spend a lot of time together.
I feel like it’s relationship built primarily on sex and getting high. He sent me a snap of him on acid on Monday at midnight, and she was in the picture, a few nights before we met up. I brought this up in person and he wasn’t even aware he did this. Other than the above, all I know is that he used to do dumb macho things to prove his masculinity and she was the one who got him to stop doing that.
Despite all of this, I feel like its not over between us. Instinctively, I ask him if he wants to give things a shot again in the summer. Distraught, he says he can’t make any promises. He doesn’t know where things are going with this girl. He tells me people come and go all the time, stressing this fact. I can’t help but feel that he does want to but is conflicted about things.
He briefly reminiscences about some happy memories we shared but stated we couldn’t communicate and almost got into arguments and we weren’t even dating. I take full accountability because a lot of this stemmed my fear of being vulnerable and repressing my emotions. I’m guessing he’s referring to when we argued in person. But honestly, sometimes people argued, no matter what the relationship is. It matters more that its resolved, at least that’s what I think.
It’s almost time for him to go and suddenly he tells me he’s afraid of commitment, which comes from a fear of emotional dependency. He told me that something like contacting me once a week is good enough for him for communication. And he also tells me that he’s the spontaneous type and that planning everything out is a downer for him. I feel like he was both explaining what he wanted out of a relationship/his expectations and stating the differences between us. He tells me I should try out other people. I don’t want to because I feel like I would be using another person as crutch to get over him. We part ways and say goodbye til summer.
We text some more after. He says that if he had to admit anything, it was constantly meeting up that drove him away. Eventually I tell him I want to give things a chance and for him to know the real, genuine me, and not the guarded confused mess I had been for two years.
He replies, “We’ll keep in touch and meet up in the summer with ourselves in tune with each other. As for pursuing a sexual relationship, no. Don’t take upon yourself! Just losing interest. Time just does its thing”. I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by being in tune with each other but tried to interpret it as positively as I could, seeing as he knew I wanted to try again. As for not pursuing a sexual relationship, I’m guessing that when we met up, we wouldn’t start things off with sex. I wish he didn’t sugar coat it for me, he told me what it was that drove him away. He knows I have a tendency to be too hard on myself. I’m working on it however.
NC and after:
I don’t contact him for two weeks. An interesting thing I noticed was that he started consistently looking at my story on snapchat after we met up. Before, he’d only look from time to time. He didn’t post a lot of photos himself anymore, and in the ones he were in, he didn’t look like usual self. He looked really unhappy and sad honestly. I also noticed that the girl he was with posted two pictures of him on his account. He didn’t look all that happy either. He looked neutral in one and had a insincere smile in the other. I don’t know the whole story but you’d think a guy who was spending a lot of time with a girl he was he thinking about being in a relationship would look a lot happier. This was odd to me because whenever he was with me he always looked ecstatic and had a big smile on his face. He looks a lot happier in the photos I have of him. But I tried not to read into it too much.
During this time, I worked on myself, primarily for me. Not long after, I regained my confidence, became much more relaxed, and was able to express myself. I longer had the anxiety I did before. I realized that I repressed my emotions out of fear of being hurt when vulnerable and that it was damaging me and the relationships I had with people. I’m still in the middle of things and trying to trust myself more, especially my gut reactions.
After these two weeks, I started contacting the guy again. We only texted a few times a week last month. Apparently he wanted to meet up with me in late June, to my surprise. He was really enthusiastic about seeing me but I had my doubts. I knew he was still with the rebound(?) girl because despite what he said about not showcasing his relationships, he started posting pictures of her on his snapchat story (albeit you couldn’t see her face). Apparently this is common rebound behavior. It’s been a little less than two months since they started seeing each other.
Last week I told him that he had to be sure about it because I still felt the same. He says that, “given that’s the case, we should it more time”. I tell him I agree but also feel that there could be some benefit to meeting up.
No response.
Later that night I text him: “You said we’d meet up when ‘we’re in tune with each other’ and I don’t necessarily know what that means or if you still want to. Independent of how I feel, I want to apologize and explain my behavior earlier this year…which I’m sure was confusing and frustrating to you. I feel like it’d make progress and you’d understand things better”
The only response I got was: When do you come back to LA?
I feel like if he had only some interest in me, which was apparently dwindling, I wouldn’t get this sort of reaction. I feel like he did and still does have feelings for me. Anyways, I tell him when I might be leaving and don’t talk to him for a few more days. I really wonder what changed his mind.
During this period, I finally learned how to forgive my ex. I realized I can’t look at things in b/w and that he’s only human. I realize I was only so hurt because he never was honest about me being a rebound. He had simply told me he still felt strongly about his previous girlfriend to be with her again, I wouldn’t have been traumatized. Although I still would have been hurt, I think I could have understood. What could have I done if they felt that strongly about one another. I mean it sucked that I got caught up in the middle of it, but I can forgive them both. I feel like I understand exactly the guy better when he told me that he didn’t feel anything for that old flame of his.
Also during this period, I really put in myself in the guy’s shoes during the time things started going downhill. If I was getting close with a girl and all of a sudden, after a nice fun day, she’s unhappy and is that way every time after, I’d easily think I was the cause of her unhappiness.
Especially she couldn’t tell me what was making her upset. And knowing that she felt that way in return, I’d feel even shittier.
I like to be dramatic and was playing dead one night. He started playing along with it and joked that he didn’t know what to do with a dead body and didn’t want to be the one to tell my family. When he says he can’t afford a funeral, I tell him to cremate me and throw my ashes in Trump’s face (sorry to get political here). He tells me that would be a waste and would rather climb Mt. Everest and drink my remains instead. “I’d do that for you” he tells me. Very strange but also very sweet too.
If I cared enough about a girl so much that I’d climb Mt. Everest and drink her ashes for her, I’d probably rather have her not spend anytime with me, not if it made her unhappy. I’m guessing this is why he told me was afraid of emotional dependency when we last met up.
I know that if I was in his shoes, dealing with me, I’d be confused and frustrated. I’d might feel rejected that she doesn’t tell me what’s wrong. I’d think that maybe she didn’t trust me, especially after we getting close too.
I don’t know, I’m not him but I am trying to understand him.
I feel like he did/does certainly have feelings for me. And I feel like the girl he is with now is likely a rebound. I feel like he feels conflicted as well. I don’t just hope that there is a chance between us, I feel like there is too.
At the same time, I go back and forth with these feelings.
What do you guys think? Do you think there’s a chance between him and I, and that this girl is a rebound? Do you think he’s truly moved on? I
I really do want to give things a chance again, especially with me when I am at my best. We had a really great dynamic when were close. He has exactly my type of humor and likes the same obscure music as me. I know that things may or may not work out, but that’s life. I feel like it would be a bigger waste if we didn’t give it a chance.
Looking back on it, he tried his best to make me happy and now all I wanna do for him is the same.
Well, if you’ve read through this entire novel, I applaud you.
Anita
June 22, 2016 at 5:32 pm
Hi Amor,
This comment confuses me a bit:
“He’s being friendly because he’s having fun having you around but he doesn’t you ungettable because you got a little “jealous” and stayed even if you knew there was another girl”
He told me that he started sleeping with this friend a week after the last time we hung out in April. I have only seen him once since then and that was when we told me he started sleeping with her a week after he saw me. We have not spent any time together after that. We do text, but much less than before.
We built rapport for months, getting emotionally closer. Then I became guarded after spending time with him. He thought he was at fault for this. We hang out in April, he tries to get me to open up but I don’t. Then he starts sleeping with his friend, about a week after this meet up.
I always knew there was the prospect of sex but I think it’s telling that he only tried for it after we became emotionally close. It seems like that because he couldn’t get what he wanted from me, he went looking for it somewhere else.
So that’s why the new girl comes as a rebound, because the nature of it has typical features of it: moving on very quickly, rushing into things, suddenly spending a lot of time with her, deciding if he will be in a relationship with her a week after sleeping and spending a lot of time with her, showing off the relationship, and so on. Amor, what do you think about this?
Do you think there is a chance between him and I as well?
Anyways, I’ve been working on myself in the meanwhile and trying my best to trust my instincts and not read into things too much. I will definitely work on building rapport with him again.
Anita
June 22, 2016 at 3:38 am
Also, I want to know if I am taking the right steps.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 11:18 am
Hi Anita,
I’m going to highlight the reason he gave and tell you what I understood from your comment
He said:
he started losing interest in me because I lost confidence in myself and became self-deprecating. He tells me I’m really funny and fun to be around but I needed to learn how to deal with my problems and learn how to cope with my anxiety, because everyone has to deal with something.
To me, it looks like you misinterpreted all the good things he did for you even if it was clear that it was just for sex for him.. I understand because he’s nice but what he said in that confirms why stayed. He’s being friendly because he’s having fun having you around but he doesn’t you ungettable because you got a little “jealous” and stayed even if you knew there was another girl. It’s like in his mind, you knew that all of this was just about sleeping but then he sees that you’re actually looking for an emotional connection which is not what he wanted.
He wanted a sexual relationship but of course he’s still human so he makes friends with you.
You just have to make things simpler.. Don’t expect too much, don’t read too much on his actions and then try the push pull theory.. That means build rapport while maintaining to be the ungettable girl. Communicate with him, be fun but don’t always be too available. If he keeps seeing other girl, decide if you still want to see him or not.
Lula
June 20, 2016 at 4:13 am
Hello!
Okay, so my boyfriend and were together for three years, before breaking up. It’s been seven months since that, however during that time we kept hooking up and were essentially together, minus the boyfriend/girlfriend tittle. Also during this period, he started talking more to a girl, and they became friends, and would eventually kiss. Still, he would complain to me about her and her attitude, about how he couldn’t feel a strong connection with her, like he did with me, that physically it also felt better with me: basically he prefered everything with me, but it was also more complicated (due to our history).
For a time the girl told him that she felt that he was using her and that she was the rebound before he got back with me, so they drifted apart. However a month after doing that she retracted and told him that she wanted to try out being with him and he agreed. So I told him that he should stop hooking up with me, that if he wanted to be with her then that was okay, but I wanted to be out of the picture. This was a little over a month ago, during may. Still, we would see each other and he would flirt with me, to say the least, and he would hide the fact that we were hanging out to his new girl. We would spend this really romantic afternoons together: lunch, being in the park watching clouds, taking pictures (he even made a collage with all the pictures we took.. which he only did when we were together). One could argue that he basically cheated on her with me, because as I said, he took his flirting from the “talking” to the “doing” level. But one day he told me he wanted some distance and thought that it was better if we didn’t see each other for a while, even though we previously had arranged to see each other the following day (his idea). We kept sort of talking for a few days… until I decided to start no contact, which I am still doing (20 days into no contact and feel so proud). He has contacted me, asking how I’m doing, and has even complained to my sister about “me ignoring him”. When he talks to me and the realizes I won’t answer he changes his profile pic to one with her, and then the next day or so, changes it again to one with his friends. I know that right now the are on a trip together, because they share the same social circle (so they are not alone but with a bunch of their friends).
My question is, is this a rebound relationship?
Thank you so much for your help!
Lula
June 20, 2016 at 3:33 pm
I forgot to mention, before our relationsip, we’ve been good friends since second grade, and our relationship was overall easy going and wonderful. During this seven past months he admited that sometimes he regretted the break up. I even remember one opportunity in which he gave me the impression that he thought it was a matter of time before we would get back together. However, I could clearly see he had some sort of confusion. This was before he decided to give it a go with this other girl. But, some sort of confusion was still there, because as I said, when we saw each other he treated me the way he would treat me if we were still together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 7:04 pm
Hi Lula,
It looks like she’s a rebound but if you continue sleeping with him then he’ll just continue taking you for granted. So, you have to be strong in no contact and also after it.
Lil bit
June 18, 2016 at 4:03 pm
I need help to understand whats going on with my ex boyfriend we were together 4 years 4 months and we argued alot towards the end now its so hard to understand that he is over me already and moved on he seem so happy and fine with it he is even sleeping around and its been only 2 months since we broken up he wanted to be friends but because i want him back and thought that maybe we were just going through a rough time even though we broken up off and on through out the ending of the relationship but he would leave and come right back and i thought this was one of those times but its been 3 months now no luck he had the nerves to even tell me he was having unprotected sex twice and that he was drunk smh but he is now dating this person. He treats me like a jerk after he gets what he want he acts all nice and then once he gets what he wants he act cold he broke up with me i can tell he is mad because he brings up things from the past that we already got through he told me its just sex and it was like he was bragging about to hurt me because i didnt ask him about his sex life he say he love me and care but he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore but he will call n text me and he say he will always love me but why is he telling me to move on and find better his sister told me he drinks everyday always out drinking i know he is hurt but why end what we had we were so in love its blowing my mind and hurts more because it seems like i ment nothing to him he always say we are not together like why are you letting this get to you just move on as if he doesn’t know why i love him and want to be with him its like he is another person from the way he talks and look at me its like where is he
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 19, 2016 at 12:30 am
Hi Lil bit,
it looks like he git tired of the relationship and now he’s getting annoyed because you’re chasing him
Aara
June 18, 2016 at 1:18 pm
Hey
So my boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. His relationship before me was a terrible one, The girl cheated on him and emotionally abused him. When he got me, he told me he never believed he would get someone like me. His family liked me, my family liked him, our relationship was great. We had our little rough patches but we worked through.
Then three months ago at the beginning of april, we went to a party. I met some friends and I didn’t introduce him. He got angry about it. He said he felt like he wasn’t an important part of my life. I apologized and told him I didn’t mean it. He broke up with me the next day. I tried everything, fighting, begging, the no contact. Nothing worked.
Then less than two months after we broke up I found out he went on a date with another girl and reactivated my fb and saw he checked in with her and referred to her as “his love”. I called his cousin that he’s close with and who likes me. She didn’t believe he was in a relationship. She said that after all that went through to be with me, if he wasn’t with me then he didn’t want to be with anyone. But when I asked him, he said he went on dates with her, he has pictures on his phone with them, he kissed her but did not sleep with her and he didn’t tell his family. I asked him if he talks to her like if they’re in a relationship, like how he used to talk to me. He said no, not really.
We were working towards our future and getting married. It wasn’t a casual relationship. Ours had meaning and a purpose for the future. He always said he loved me more than I loved him. I don’t understand how it came down to this. For small stupid problems. He knows I would never cheat or do anything to bring him down. I make mistakes but so does he. We went through so much in that year and a half, and when he was at his lowest I was there for him and I helped him up.
He said that he doesn’t see us getting back into a relationship again. I asked him why, he said two of the reasons are: my family now hates him and because of all the pain he put me through in the last three months. But he could have stopped all this pain and he didn’t. And after less that two months to be with someone else already. And here I am, I can’t even stand the thought of being with another guy.
I don’t know if this is a rebound relationship or not. He is the first person I was ever serious like this with, and that was by choice. I knew when I got into something this serious it would be because that guy would be the one I was going to spend my life with. His cousin told me let him go and move on. Let him miss me and fight for me.
When we last spoke, he he said he thinks about me and wants to be in my life still. But he doesn’t call because he knows that I’ll keep bringing up the breakup. He asked me if I think we could be friends I told him no.
If I’m friends with him, I’ll always have hope. And I can’t do that to myself. The last time we spoke I asked him, so I would never hear from him again, and he said no don’t say that. I would hear from him sometime. I love him and want him back. But there are problems that needs to be addressed. And I can’t help but feel betrayed that he moved on so quickly. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 19, 2016 at 12:13 am
Hi Aara,
start nc and build a new life.. once he sees you’ve moved on then he will be more open to start friendship again
Moe01
June 12, 2016 at 12:28 am
Hi,
My ex boyfriend and I were in a relationship for about 7 months. He had a hard time at school last semester and he was having several anxiety and panic attacks and started going to counseling for this. We go to the same school but for summer its long distance since we live on opposite sides of the country. Everything was fine at the beginning of the summer till I started blowing up on him. We talked it out And I explained why I was doing it. We were fine after that for like a week till he blew up on me and then we had a hard time communicating after that. We then got back into a good place ad everything was going perfect. We were taking and everything was fine. He said that he needed to work on himself this summer and figure out who he is and his life and that he didn’t want to push me away and he cares a lot about me and loves me. Out of no where like the next day he said he didn’t want to end things, but he wasn’t in a good place and said that we weren’t in a good place and that he wanted to stop taking for a bit but didn’t want to push me away. He also sad that he couldn’t focus on 2 people right now and he just wanted to focus on himself. After sending that he started hanging out with girl who popped out of nowhere and none of his friends no who she is. After that I stopped talking to him but he kept sending me snap chats each day and I would send one back because I didn’t think it was over we were just on a break. He never responded to them which was fine with me because I was given him space. Then like a week later after sending that message about not taking we had a conversation saying that he still cares about me and that he hopes everything works out when we see each other after summer back at school. Then a couple days later I hadn’t said anything that day because I never contacted him first. I was our 7 month anniversary and he started bitching me out about posting stuff about us and telling me were not together. I never posted anything, but his name and our anniversary date were in my bio and it had been there awhile but I guess he never noticed it until that day. So at that point I knew we weren’t together and the next thing I know on the same day he’s in a relationship with the girl he had been hanging out at for the past week. So basically I’m curious on this is a rebound since he got together with another girl like a week and a half after he in his words broke up with me, even though he never said we were broken up. Also how long this rebound could last and if there’s a chance I could still get him back?
Moe01
June 12, 2016 at 12:37 am
Also I forgot to mention that we weren’t officially dating but we were kind of a thing a couple months before we made it official.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 8:25 am
Hi Moe01,
why did you have an anniversary if you’re not together? I think you have to remove that because if it was unclear with the both of you, he might have been telling the other girl, you never were really together.. You have to come from a point of view that he has a gf now and that means you have to approach him later on as a friend only and then build up the relationship from that
Amy B
June 11, 2016 at 5:25 am
We got along very well, I thought we were in love, School and work and stress, He admitted to cheating early in the marriage of 12 years. This caused me to ask for a divorce. It was fast. Asked in November finalized in February. we were still intimate up until a week before he met his new girlfriend which was two weeks after we finalized. He met her the weekend we made a date to discuss reconciliation. That was in March.I made it clear i still loved him, wanted to work on things. he says he already loves this new girl Today I found out from my daughter that she is moving in already. They’ve been together 2 and 1/2 months. Im not sure if this is a rebound relationship and I’m afraid this will have negative effects on my daughter.
Amy B
June 17, 2016 at 4:19 am
My daughter does have a phone and we communicate several times a day. he isnt keeping her from me at all. I still have regular visitations and holidays. When I pick her up he refuses to see me or speak to me at all.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 3:37 pm
well ag least, him avoiding you for now will help you to concentrate on limited nc
Amy B
June 17, 2016 at 4:17 am
We are nc, He got tired of me telling him I loved him and he blocked my number. We talk through email only and only about our child. I can’t take my daughter. I live with my mother for now while I finish school. She is sick and can barely afford to help me. I have a little less than a year left. According to our custody agreement he gets her until I am financially stable when Im out of school, then she lives with me. At least that is in writing and signed by a judge.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 10:13 pm
Hi Amy B,
are you in active nc right now and can you get you daughter to live with you instead?