Having Open & Vulnerable Communication With Your Ex Boyfriend- The Step By Step Guide

242 thoughts on “How To Have Open And Vulnerable Communication With Your Ex Boyfriend”

Riss

August 6, 2015 at 10:12 pm

Hi Chris!

First off, thank you for all of the resources you provide! I’ve read your ebooks, almost all the guides, and listened to all the podcast. Today marks day 25 of NC and I’m pretty excited to give your strategies a shot. I’ve got it all planned out.

Here’s a quick backstory. Ex breaks up with me after 5 months. I told him I loved him at month 3. He said from months 3 to 5 he felt he hadn’t progressed. He said he tried to get there and that’s why he stuck with it but in the end just felt “uncomfortable.” He told me I deserved better and that he has “issues” that he needs to work on. We left the break with “okay lets try to be friends” 2 days later I started NC. Since, I have thought a lot about what I did wrong in the relationship. And I admit I settled once I said I love you. I feel like I didn’t show enough of me or show him new experiences like he did for me. I also focused on me got new clothes, cut my hair, have rekindled my own friendships (kinda neglected those) during NC, etc. I’ve been working toward becoming a Kai and the ungettable girl.

My questions are 1) What do you think are my chances of getting him back, given what he has said? 2) Is it wise to be at the same place as him (for a mutual friend’s party) 3 days after first contact, if that text goes well?

Chris Seiter

August 12, 2015 at 9:10 pm

I think you have a chance at getting back with him. Your doing the right things so far. Don’t show up at a mutual party, you want your interactions to be direct. Mainly through text in the beginning after no contact.

Gaby

August 6, 2015 at 5:49 pm

hello Chris!
first i wanna say i love your website. so very helpful!!!
so my situation is that i was dating my ex for 5 years and a half. during this time he broke up with me once but got back with me a week later. then a year after that 2 months ago he broke up with me again. he stated that he had doubts about us and was confused that he loved me and saw me as the one but did not like that i no longer made efforts in our relationship. now i love this man with everything in me and thought that we were doing very well (plans for the future and all) but looking back i see what i did wrong. after doing NC we spoke again n we have been going on dates and seeing each other without being together and no promise of exclusivity. does this mean he is not interested in only me? he keeps saying that he loves seeing me and misses me and even said i love you but he also says he is afraid of getting back together and things going badly again… i know he adores me but his resistance and fear is really making me question if I’m wasting my time. he often cancels on plans or tells me maybe ill see you later when I’m done with my friends. i told him i was not interested in doing this if he wasn’t as into it as i was and i refused to be taken advantage of just because he knew how i felt about him and he thinks ill wait forever. he messaged me later saying he wanted to see me and understood he was not being fair, that he missed me ad really wanted to initiate more dates and put time aside to see me. I don’t know what to do? do i give up? do i have a good chance of getting him back? -confused and very stressed

Gaby

August 7, 2015 at 3:16 pm

Thank you for answering so quickly!
Maybe i haven’t tried everything. But last night he said he rly wanted to see me and he told me that he loved all the changes i had made and loved how new and fun things felt atm . n he kept repeating that he wasn’t interested in finding other girls even if I hadn’t asked him that. he also said that if things continue this way theres good chances well get back together but not until he’s sure he won’t have doubts again down the line. So for now he doesn’t wanna say its for sure to avoid getting my hopes. Also I. Can see in his body language his smile and even in his eyes how much he loves me and beig with me. It’s just he’s so worried things will go wrong that he ends up looking for and eventually finding something to worry about
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 6:04 pm

How long did you do no contact? It sounds like excuses to me. You may have to go back into no contact to make him realize your the one. It may take the time apart for him to realize what he lost.
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:31 pm

I would say see it through. Have you tried everything to get him back yet?

If you can honestly say you have then it might be time to move on.

But I think you haven’t tried everything yet.

Dena

August 6, 2015 at 5:06 am

Hey Chris, I wanted to check that my initial post came through? I haven’t posted before / received a response, so unsure if the message disappears whilst it is being moderated? (Please excuse my ignorance). Many thanks. I really, really appreciate it 🙂

Dena

August 6, 2015 at 11:19 pm

Hey Chris, Please don’t apologise re late response; I thoroughly appreciate it. Congratulations to both you are your wife – that’s beautiful news 🙂 I lasted 8 days in no contact first time around, and I am now on Day 2 of Round 2.
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Hi Dena, What has his responses been to the 8 days of no contact? What did you text him when you started talking again?

I’d recommend writing out a list of things you want to improve on during no contact and stick to it. It will help you with the no contact and make you more attractive to him because you will be more confident. Plus it will help you continue with no contact without texting him.

I won’t be able to do the coaching until after my wife gives birth because I want to make sure I’m devoting my full attention to the select few that I will be doing the coaching with and I’m not sure how long we will be in the hospital. Thank you for your support.
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:33 pm

It came through.

I am getting around to it.

Dena

August 6, 2015 at 12:02 am

Hi Chris,

I hope you’re well, and thank you for this post.

I am feeling very low today as I have prematurely broken my no contact (8 days – pathetic I know). The reason I felt the urge to do so was because we left thing s on a negative note last time we texted and he said he was very hurt.

Any way, I have started again from Day 1. We are in an LDR and the topping on the sundae – I have just realised I have committed EVERY SINGLE ONE of the 7 deadly sins (including just breaking no contact). We have been broken up for 4 months.

(I have listened to every podcast, have purchased the deluxe PRO package and have recently subscribed to Sarah/Kai). I am definitely a Kai – I am NOT giving up.

I only have a sliver of hope left and I really feel I have let myself down.

I would also like to sign up for the individual coaching please.

Any help you could provide would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

DB

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:34 pm

Hi Dena,

Sorry for the late response.

I actually have my wife home from work on maternity leave helping me so hopefully I can get around to more comments now.

How long did you last in NC before you broke it?

Nicole

August 5, 2015 at 6:51 pm

Hi Chris, I’m considering buying your book, and I really need your help! My ex and I broke up about 8 months ago and decided to be friends, but I still had feelings for him (and despite what he said, I believe he still had feelings for me too). He acted as if he was friend-zoning me/trying to be friends with benefits. So I found your site and very diligently competed the 30 day NC. A couple weeks in my ex called me and I accidentally answered. He was jokingly asking why I was ignoring him, and then he asked if I wanted to hang out but I said I was busy. Since I accidentally broke NC I decided to start over. Now, I’ve tried contacting him, I’ve been very nice and used your texting strategies, but he has been very short and cold with his responses. I feel like he hates me! I feel like I would have been better off just trying to talk to him again after he called me the one time when we were still on good terms. Do you think I ignored him for too long? It was about a month and a half since I decided to start over. How do I get him to at least speak to me in a positive way again? I’m really considering buying your book, but at this point I’m really discouraged with the affect NC has had. I feel like it has almost set me back. I do trust your advice, maybe it’s just my ex who is not having the “typical” reaction. Can you please help me and tell me if you honestly think the book would help me?

Nicole

August 13, 2015 at 6:54 pm

At first I started dating in general because I thought it would help me move on, but I was dating one guy for about a month. My ex called me before I restarted NC and he asked me if I had been on any dates, and I subtly hinted that I had because I didn’t want to make it sound like I obviously was trying to make him jealous. Then when he was texting my sister, she told him I had been dating someone for about a month. During our last conversation he asked me if I had a new boyfriend and said it was confusing that I was reaching out to him if I did, and I told him that I didn’t have a boyfriend and that I’m not interested in dating right now.

When I talked to him two days ago, I basically just told him that I still care about our friendship, that I wasn’t trying to be rude by ignoring him, I just needed some space. When we talked about work stuff last week he told me that he was really busy, so I also told him that I had been praying for him, and that I hope he’s happy and not too stressed. Then I told him to have a good night, and he said, “thanks, goodnight.”

So now I’m assuming I should wait at least a week (maybe even a few weeks?) until slowly trying to contact him again if he doesn’t reach out first. I feel like him being too busy is kind of an excuse because he mentioned that he was dating too (trying to make me jealous?), and that doesn’t seem to add up to me. And he has posted pictures out with friends. He clearly doesn’t want me to talk to him right now, but I don’t think he wants me completely out of his life either. What do you think? Thanks Chris, you’re the best 🙂
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 5:03 pm

Yes he is trying to make you jealous. Ignore that. Your doing great. Yes do the no contact for another week.
Nicole

August 13, 2015 at 4:37 pm

Unfortunately I did bring it up because I knew he was going to stay angry and hold a grudge about it 🙁 We were best friends for months after the breakup, so I just told him that I hoped things were okay between us, and that I still care about our friendship. I left a comment on your newest article but I’m just going to transfer it over here:

I wish I would have read the 30 day vs. 21 day NC article before it was too late 🙁 just a suggestion, I think you should emphasize that strategy a little more, or maybe organize your articles by topics rather than time because some of your older ones are really great but just take a little more work to find because you have to scroll and load all the pages. Or maybe have a table of contents with easily accessible links 🙂 You answered my last comment but I doubt you remember my situation haha, so just to recap, my ex and I were basically best friends for about 7 months after the breakup, and then he shut me down when I got too emotional and mentioned getting back together (he did flirt with me a lot, try to kiss me, and give me mixed signals), so I did NC, which kind of backfired on me. So I had a conversation with him about it, but he was really mad about the NC and said he’s super busy right now and this is bad timing, and he doesn’t have the energy to be friends with me right now because I “pissed him off”. So I want to respect that, and I’m thinking I should go back into NC but not ignore him this time if he reaches out (while still being the UG, of course). How long do you think I should I wait before trying to contact him again? Or should I just wait until he contacts me?

So to answer your questions, I waited 5 days after the neutral responses I got having a conversation with him about work (we work for the same company, but we don’t work together) to have this conversation, and it’s been 2 days. I feel like talking to him made things better than they were because his first response when I texted him 2 days ago was that I was being immature and he was “over it,” but by the end he said he does still want to be friends, but he’s too busy right now and this is bad timing. And he said it was confusing that I was reaching out to him if I’m dating someone. And no, I haven’t seen him yet because I’m not his favorite person right now and he’s apparently super busy. So hopefully I didn’t put myself in a position of weakness by admitting to NC, but I know him so well and I literally felt like he was never going to talk to me again if I acted like nothing happened. I do think I handled the conversation in a classy way, was respectful, and didn’t get emotional.
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 5:59 pm

Are you dating someone in particular or just dating in general? How does he know your dating?

What did you tell him when you talked to him again? To diffuse the situation of him being pissed off after no contact, you should just say you’ve been busy and needed some time to yourself.
Nicole

August 7, 2015 at 3:07 am

Thanks for getting back to me! And I decided to buy the book 🙂 I’m beginning to think that the extended NC was a mistake too 🙁 It was a hard decision to make too, but I wanted to fully commit if I was going to do this. He actually contacted my sister about a week before I started texting him and was friendly to her. She mentioned that I had gone on some dates (which is true) and he said he had tried to look on my Facebook for that possibility (he even said, “with my luck, she’ll probably get married soon” haha). He’s also been watching my snapchat stories, so I think he’s still interested in me, but obviously pretty mad that I ignored him for so long. I’m going to wait a few days and try to continue the texting phase and hope for more positive responses. If I keep getting these neutral short responses, I’m considering bringing up the NC and telling him that I just needed some time for myself, nothing personal. I feel like it’s a little unnatural that I’m kind of acting like nothing ever happened, and he’s so stubborn that I believe he’s not going to open up unless I say something about it. Is that a bad idea? Really appreciate your help!
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 12:53 pm

Don’t bring up no contact. It sounds like he’s in a good place actually if he’s saying those things to your sister. Your on the right track. How often do you text currently? Have you seen him in person yet?
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:43 pm

Hi Nicole,

Thanks for the consideration.

Hmm… I am thinking that you probably should have not done that extra NC time.

I probably should write a post about that and the correct way to handle that.

Fed Up!

August 4, 2015 at 7:21 pm

Hi Chris, loving the articles, but I need you to be really frank with me, I think I have no chance to get my ex back, and I need to know if you agree!

My ex and I were together/talking for just over 4 months. From different countries. When he ended things it was a month before I was due to visit and meet him and his family. When he broke up with me I started no contact. After 30 days I text him and he told me he has a girlfriend, said a lot of nasty things about never loving me and loving this new girl, and blocked me on facebook.

I left it another 30 days. Messaged him on Pinterest about something for his acne (not the most romantic message but it really was a tip for him and it was also a reason i had to message him, as he has depression because of his acne). He said ‘why are you still texting me i told you to f**k off stop texting me i have a girlfriend now that i love very much i appreciate you trying to help but she is doing that for me so stop have a nice life bye’ – so he appreciated what I had to say, but was still slightly hostile. I said I wasn’t messaging him about acne to get back with him, we had both moved on (slight lie), and I was messaging him something to help. He said ‘bye don’t text me for shit’, I then said him constantly saying he has a girlfriend isn’t making me jealous, he replied ‘im not saying your jealous i dont give a f**k if you are not just dont text me bye’. And he has now blocked me on Pinterest. I only have his email (and Skype if he ever uses it) to contact him if I wanted to.

Please be honest with me, I have no chance do I? It’s been 2 months, 60 ish days, and he still loves his girlfriend, even if it was a rebound. So please be honest with me, I have absolutely no chance, do I? What’s your opinion on my situation and his attitude?

Thank you so much for your amazing articles! I can’t wait for you to release your texting bible! Please keep us updated on that!

Fed Up!

September 5, 2015 at 2:16 pm

Hey Chris, I’m not sure if my last message went through! If it did, I’m sorry that I’m repeating myself!

I have read the article about using texts, my first text after no contact was a ‘I have a confession’ and I brought up a memory where he would always tease me about something and how he was right, but he said he didn’t care and had a new girlfriend (after 30 days of us ending!). I kind of feel like I have absolutely no chance. He’s blocked me on almost everything. I only have his email and mobile number but he lives in America, I’m in the UK so would be pretty pricey to text.

I feel like this could be the real deal with his new girlfriend. What confuses me though is when he broke things off he said he wanted to be on his own for a while, and he wasn’t bothered about being in a relationship with someone from where he’s from. Then 30 days later is going out with his neighbour. His dad also didn’t approve of us as I’m older and from a different country.

I read your post on how you and your wife met and its so inspirational. How you guys feel about each other is exactly the way I feel about him, and how I thought he felt about me, but he ended us over a petty argument I started. He talked about marrying me, having kids with me, he said I was the love of his life, and he cried to me for hours over Skype once because he’d had a dream that he ‘lost me’ and I wanted nothing to do with him. If he felt that deeply about me I don’t get how he can be in love in a new relationship! I was going to visit in July and he had bought me a promise ring to give me when I arrived. But he ended things before I ever got the chance to visit him. We were only talking/together for 4 months which doesn’t give me much hope/chance with his new relationship just being a rebound. If they got together around the middle of our no contact then they’ll be together for just over 2 months 🙁

I feel like he’s ‘the one’ but there is literally nothing I can do. I’ve been on one date since he and I ended but no one compares. Do you think his new relationship is the real deal? (Considering we were together for 4 months), and should I just try my hardest to move on?
Fed Up!

August 21, 2015 at 9:10 am

Thanks so much for your reply! I just read your post on how you and your wife met, you guys are so inspiring and I strive for a relationship like yours! But the way you both feel about each other is the way that I feel about my ex, and I thought he felt about me.

He cried to me for a few hours over Skype once because he’d had a dream about losing me. He bought me a ring (which I didn’t get because we broke up before I was due to go visit/meet him). Which is why I feel so lost now he’s blocked me on almost everything and has a new girlfriend. How can he have moved on so quickly when he said I was the love of his life/he’d never give up on me and always find a way to be together? 🙁

His dad didn’t approve, as we’re from different countries, so I feel that contributed. We broke up over a stupid argument and for the next 4 days he kind of messed me around by saying he wanted to be with me, then he didn’t, then he did, then he didn’t until he officially ended it as he said he’d never love me or feel the same again. I thought it might’ve been anger from the argument that caused him to say that, but the fact he has a new girlfriend makes me think he meant it.

I don’t know what to do, there’s nothing I can do… I’m trying to move on but it is so difficult, as I feel the way about him as you and your wife feel about each other. I feel like I literally have no hope of ever getting him back, let alone hearing from him again. We were only together/talking for 4 months which is short enough time for his new 2 month relationship to be serious/the real deal.
Fed Up!

August 6, 2015 at 11:11 pm

Thanks so much for your reply!

I don’t get why he’s so angry with me. I never swore at him or called him names during the break up. I did beg though which isn’t great. I never wronged him throughout our relationship, I stayed up until early hours of the morning listening to his problems etc. plus he broke up with me because of a stupid argument I started because he wasn’t talking to me. Plus his dad said we would never work. So I don’t understand why he’s so angry with me? Even when I messaged him I didn’t swear at him. I’ve always kept civil.

Thanks for your honest opinion! But you probably don’t think the dust will ever settle/we’ll get back together right?

We had such a connection and shared so many personal secrets, I feel partly empty. But at the same time I’m kind of happy for him if he’s happy. At least he appreciated I was trying to help, even if he was rude.

Thank you again for replying! I always love hearing your opinions, and your wife’s (in podcasts), about situations! You both offer fantastic advice, I really thank the both of you!
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 5:01 pm

Thanks for your support! It is really appreciated.

As for your relationship, he may need some time to flush through this new relationship. If he thinks he’s in love with this new girl let that fizzle out first. Your just bringing them together by contacting him at this point. When you do text him in the future make sure you don’t point out his flaws. Have you read the guide on sending text messages yet? https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:13 pm

You want my honest opinion.

I think he is completely angry and right now you don’t have a chance.

After the dust settles… Hmm… might be a different story but that is my opinion.

Zara

August 3, 2015 at 11:44 am

Hi Chris, I’ve been in a relationship for 6.5 years, we’re both 24, over the past year it’s been a bit on and off, but a lot of healing has been happening. Then he broke up with me by text, because I found out he had been lying about something he said he would stop lying about and I got upset, he totally lashed out on me (via tex) and said some really hurtful things, felt like he was totally shifting the blame on me to make him look innocent. I’ve done NC before when we broke up last year and it worked wonders, but I was worried NC wouldn’t work this time round, we stopped talking for 2 weeks. Then I got in contact with him, he asked for some tickets to a music festival we were meant to go to. I asked if we were getting back together, he simply said “quit talking about that shit” with no clear response as to what I was asking. He then blocked me and told me to not contact him. A few hours later he unblocked me. It seems like he’s really confused. Could I please get some insight on this? Do I still even have a chance? I haven’t contacted him since, and I’m going into strict NC from now, but I’m worried if this would even work at this point because it seems like he’s trying to get over me and is telling me to not talk to him. I feel like I’ve lost all hope and I have this horrible gut feeling that this is it for us. Considering we’ve been a little on and off in the past year or so, are my chances damaged? What’s the best thing I could do right now? I feel like he hates me.

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:50 pm

I think you are doing it right now.

Self improvement is important at this point. Becoming the best version of yourself.

Erika

August 3, 2015 at 7:52 am

Hey, Chris!! My microphone on my laptop does’t work, but I need advice immediately. I’m going to start off by saying I’m 13. Now, I know you’re never quick to judge, but I don’t want you to think that I am just some lovestruck hormonal teenager. Because, literally I am not, I seriously have the one that got away. SO, here it goes:
It started off October 22nd 2014. I went to a Halloween party/dance and met an amazing guy (he helped me through an anxiety attack and was an amazing person in general.). I added him on Facebook in February and first talked to him in March. The first conversation only lasted for a few minutes, but the second one, lasted a few days. The second conversation started Thursday June 11 2015. He messaged me and said “You’re cute” in to which I replied, “Well thank you, so are you!!”
After a few days of talking and many, many feelings confessed, he asked me out on a date 2 days later the morning of June 13. I had a lot of fun in the relationship and my Mom approved of him too.. (except now she’s the reason he’s gone)
June 26th, was our last day of school. (I am now going to 8th grade, and he’s going to high school, Grade 9) June 26th, I went over to his house for the afternoon and we watched Netflix, and ate snacks and even played a few games on the XBox.. Then we were laying down, (and because I didn’t get very much sleep that night) I ended up falling asleep for 5 minutes. Somehow, during those 5 minutes, his dad left the house to go to work. I did not know we were alone till a few days after. On June 29th I had updated my profile picture on Facebook to a photo I had taken of him and I on June 26th. This was when I found out he and I were alone. His Mom decided it would be a funny idea to leave a comment on the photo stating “Is this what you two were doing while babysitting?!” as to which, my Mom saw the comment and got mad at me, because she thought he and I did sexual things.. In which, we did not. She then proceeded to punish me for something beyond my knowledge. He found out, because my Mom had messaged his Mom and lied, causing his Mom to get mad at him as well, causing him and I to breakup.
He told me the reason to why we broke-up was because he “lost feelings” but I knew he was lying because he literally said he loved me 13 minutes before he broke-up with me.. 5 days after telling me that he never wants to lose me, he loves me and that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. (I just found you this morning and knew nothing about the NC rule at the time.) He texted me 2 days after the breakup saying that me giving him his sweater back could be our reason to see each other.
I then found out his grandpa has Cancer (so I texted him and told him if he needs to talk about it, that I’m there for him)
He then texted me again, 11 days after the break-up making me happy because it was nice to know that he was thinking about me (because I still realllyyyy love him)
Then, I posted a singing video on-line and his best-friend saw it, messaged me and told me what REALLY happened the morning he broke-up with me. All I’m saying is he got mad, tore his bedroom apart, cried and broke-up with me to keep me and him safe. I then talked to him about it a few days later and he got really upset because he was having a nice day, until I reminded him of the break-up.. he said some pretty harsh things, but so did I because he was being cold, so I had to become cold too… It has been 15 days since he texted me.. but I really miss him and I will be attending the JR high that is at his high school.. He did date another girl for a day, but she looks, thinks, talks, acts, and sounds like me.. Was she just a rebound? When 30 days is up, should I message him? Could you help me analyse the situation? Maybe even help me know what is going on? If it helps, he also liked 4 of my posts on social media (then unfriended me) and I found out he visits my sites frequently. You’re a guy, please help me understand this situation and let me know if it’s worth fighting for again?

-Erika

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:49 pm

No worries I got your back.

She seems like a rebound.

How old is he do you mind me asking?
Erika

August 3, 2015 at 7:55 am

We also never fought, we got along great, but the relationship only lasted 17 days (June 13-June 30) when it should have gotten more. His faily loved me and my family loved him~~~~~~ Sorry it’s so long!!! D:

melissa

August 2, 2015 at 7:56 pm

hi Chris! I hope u could answer me!
I was dating a guy for a month but we saw each other daily and we were on contact always. but we met when he was on a trip, so he went back to his country and he said he wanted to keep in touch with me, but lately he was being shady. so I asked him what was going on, at first he said nothing, at the end I kept asking so he said he was dating someone else and that it was hard to keep in touch with me. I also removed him from facebook (before that happened, cuz i wanted to forget him cuz i sense something was off) and now I wanted to add him back and he says he doesn’t want to hurt the girl he is dating now, but I know he keeps his ex on fb, which is unfair, when I told him that, he said I was making an scene and that i’ve been acting crazy lately. i also tell him that why he can’t say that he doesn’t want anything with me anymore and he always says it’s not like that, it’s just hard to keep in touch. in one point in the convo he said we can be friends but at the same time he said it’s hard to keep in touch. and he also said it was my fault and that i did everything wrong, cuz i removed him and he said i took the decision.
well, at the end i told him u know u are right, and he said thanks means a lot.

I don’t know what to do, i liked him a lot, and i was even planning on visit him, cuz he was always talking about me to come visit him and one day he came up with that that he was dating someone. pls help.

Melissa

August 21, 2015 at 1:02 am

oh but I haven’t broke NC. I’m just wondering. And congrats for your little girl!
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 8:59 pm

Thanks so much Melissa!
Melissa

August 21, 2015 at 1:00 am

i have one more question why guys go hot and cold? I mean the guy I was telling u abaout, he was always asking me to come visit him and that he wants me anywhere, once he even asked to go on a trip with him (that was when we were dating but i couldn’t cuz I had exams), he even came back earlier from a trip to see me (or that’s why I want to believe cuz I suggested him the date and he bought a flight ticket for the day I told him and wanted to keep in touch and suddenly one day he is like saying that he thinks it will take some time until we get to see each other again and a weeks after he is saying he is seeing someone else and all the rest I told u.
Melissa

August 19, 2015 at 4:40 pm

thanks chris! means a lot! i’m looking forward to hear your next podcast! 🙂
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 5:21 pm

Your welcome Melissa!!
Melissa

August 19, 2015 at 2:27 am

u think is there a chance to reconnect with him? just be honest. I’ll date other people, but we had such a great time together, I can’t believe he wanted to cut me off (becaue of my behaviour according to him). And he even said he doesn’t remember me like in the texts (I kinda texted him a lot after find out he was dating someone new) . or is this not worthy? I kinda feel a little bad when he told me I he was bothered and that I can’t stop talking about anything. wll, If I were on his shoes and someone can’t stop texting me again and again about a same topic where we’ve been arguing about, I guess I would been bothered too… Thanks! I appreciate everything you do on this site!
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 4:15 am

Yes I think there is a chance to reconnect with him. It may take some time.
Melissa

August 19, 2015 at 2:13 am

ok, thanks! so I should give him a test text in some months?
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 4:14 am

Nope after 30 days. Your welcome.
Melissa

August 18, 2015 at 7:41 pm

Hi chris! thanks! and i think I resend a comment cuz i thought it wasn’t deliver (so sorry! I dunno what happened to my pc here!) but thanks, and a few weeks ago I think I made it worse cuz I kept pushing in asking why he can’t add me back, so he was so fed up he told me I can’t stop talking about nothing with him and that was really bothering him. Now I’m really on no contact, and I think i’ll give him an apology in a month or so for my behaviour. do u think it’s right? thanks!
Chris Seiter

August 18, 2015 at 8:46 pm

No don’t apologize you’ll just bring up bad feelings in him. Remember no contact is used for a fresh start.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 6:06 pm

You may have to wait this one out in no contact. Sometimes these things just take time. Try going on some dates of your own and then follow up with him in the near future just to check in.
melissa

August 2, 2015 at 8:06 pm

and it was so weird cuz when he told me he was dating someone, i didn’t replied, cuz it thought ok that was it. and then he send a text saying hello why i was replying, and i told him good luck with her. and he said thanks i had lots of fun with u and that just pissed me off and I said to him just fuck u and he told me to talk to him when i’m on a regular mood. and I texted him lots of things, and he sent a texting saying he hopes that one day i could understand that is hard keeping in touch when we live in different countries. and i told him i always thought about him as a friend and that it pissed me that he couldn’t trust me. and then it happen all the above.

kathy

August 2, 2015 at 2:09 pm

Hey, thanks for this article, but I’m still wondering how I can buit rapport if he is not very responsive…it’s like he’s not interested at all. Now it has been almost two years since he broke up with me, but he has always been like this ever since. So how can I build rapport?

kathy

August 26, 2015 at 1:13 am

Ok thanks, I’m looking forward to the new article.
kathy

August 14, 2015 at 11:10 am

I did no contact more than once, always between 30 and 90 days (because I wanted to give him enough time with his girlfriend.) I tried the messages you propose for the beginning, he was always quite nutrual I think. He only tried to reach out once in the beginning (after the break up) but I hadn’t found the homepage yet, so I answered to his message . And he contacted me once out of the blue half a year ago, but after that he was unapproachable again.
I think he’s not ready for “emotional” messages, but I don’t know how I can “prepare” him, I tried to just talk about random things, but he still doesn’t show interest.
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 3:56 pm

I am going to have a texting bible out this week, it has a ton of texts you can use for different situations. While he has a girlfriend, if he is a good guy he may only respond neutrally. You may have to date someone else while your waiting for them to break up.
kathy

August 13, 2015 at 8:26 am

It was a ldr and that was the “reason” he broke up (that’s what he said, I don’t know if that’s all). I did nc but I found the homepage too late so I was begging a bit. Since then I did nc and I wrote him every now and then to see what’s up. But I also gave him a lot of time. We both had one other partner after our relationship. He always needs many hours to respond and he doesn’t really contibute to the conversation. I live closer to him now and he has contacted me once half a year ago. But after that it was back to normal. How can I just have a normal conversation, I tried your tips. If I really can’t get back with him, a friendship would be nice as well.
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 6:20 pm

No contact is when you don’t contact him at all, that also means not replying to his texts or sending in check in texts. 🙂 You will have to start over with no contact. Try 30 days. What types of texts have you tried so far? Has he tried to contact you at all?
Chris Seiter

August 12, 2015 at 8:55 pm

Can you give me more of a description of the relationship and more importantly after the breakup. Did you do no contact? How many people has he dated since then? How many have you dated since then?

AB

August 2, 2015 at 4:19 am

Hi Chris!
So, does he not care if it’s been a month and he hasn’t reached out?? (I haven’t either)
After two years he said he didn’t see the rest of his life with me (even though he did before).. But we’re not even 20? I think he just wants to be single and the LDR was unsatisfying on his end. I miss my best friend. Appreciate all the work you put into this site! 🙂

Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 10:21 pm

I think he def does care. A lot of times men’s egos get in the way of reaching out but dont worry I’m sure hes wondering where you are. After the 30 days send him a test text. Something good and not just Hi and nothing emotional or about getting back together or anything like that.
AB

August 2, 2015 at 5:03 am

Oops! I just read the “What if he doesn’t contact you during no contact” and that answered some things. But I feel like I may have been too overly emotional when he broke up with me (in other words, pathetic), that if I make the first move then I will seem crazy/attached/clingy/unwanted! Should I just keep waiting until he contacts/we inevitably run into each other with mutual friends?
Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 10:22 pm

No you don’t want to wait to long. Wait a total of 30 days no contact, unless you break no contact then you have to start over.

Iwishyouwould

August 1, 2015 at 10:15 am

Dear Chris,
I have been reading a lot of your articles since a week or so. I find this one especially helpful, but I’m not really sure how to handle your tips regarding my situation. About 2 years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend after a relationship that lasted 2 years. Because of the unforeseen death of my best buddy, I was a nervous wreck, burned out etc. so I needed time to work on myself in order to be able to feel love and other emotions again. But in the years that followed, my ex never really got out of my mind. I had another boyfriend which didn’t last long, and every now and then my first boyfriend comes back to mind. Since a few weeks I realize I’m missing him like crazy and I would really like to at least be on speaking terms with him. I want to explain how I felt back then, why I decided to broke up, because I feel we never really cleared the air. We were both too emotional. I also have the feeling that our relationship never had a chance because I suddenly had this traumatizing event occuring in my life and I’m very sad about that. Because before this happened we got along really well and everything felt so right. After reading some of your articles I decided to sent a ‘first contact text’ which turned out really well. It took 2 days but he responded in a neutral way and asked me how I was doing. After that I politely replied but remained in control like you wrote and clearly ended the conversation in a nice way. Since then neither of us has sent another text.

My question for now is: I know it is very hard to build trust again and that it takes time. I am willing to spend months for it or whatever it takes, I really do, but I am not sure if he wants to ever see me again. What if he’s actually annoyed by me sending him texts? I noticed he has also been dating this girl for 6 months or so. I don’t want him to think that I want to destroy his relationship. I just want to apologize to him straight from the heart, but I don’t think it is a good idea to do that out of the blue. We also live quite far from each other, do you think that’s an issue? So how can I remain in touch with him, without him getting suspicious or feeling threatened, and slowly start building trust? Thank you so much in advance for your help!

Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 9:47 pm

Have you tried NC? Is he still on your facebook?

Blindsided

August 1, 2015 at 5:46 am

Hiya Chris,

I’ve found your website immensely intriguing after being dumped about a month ago, and thank you for being so available for specific feedback. I did send in an audio question some time ago, but naturally a lot has gone on since then, some of it very hard to interpret. I don’t expect you to remember it off the top of your head, so long story short, I had a pretty passionate thing going with a guy who ended up having a lot of past issues and he was getting discouraged about some of the disagreements we ended up in, so he decided he was already interested in dating new people but would “like to be friends”.

Initially, I told him being friends sounded like a good idea (after all, who wants to throw the baby out with the bath water?), but I was in so much pain that I ended up doing very limited contact all this time. I felt outraged for being downgraded, too. He would send texts hoping that I was doing alright, even came to my work a couple of times during my shift just to say hi to everyone and to talk to his now-former boss about some complications he’s having, managing at a different store (we work for the same company, different stores.) She had to tell him to stop coming when I’m there. Because I wasn’t responding to his texts, he asked me on FB if I hated him. I said no. Then about a week later, he found out that my pet of sixteen years passed away and sent me this long passionate text at 2am about how sorry he was about it and how in general he hated that he wasn’t supposed to talk to me anymore, how he “made it this way” and couldn’t know how I was doing. He “can’t just pretend I don’t exist”. He offered to let me call him if I needed someone to talk to, but I just thanked him for his condolences and politely refused the offer.

Then finally, I realized I couldn’t heal, having him on my FB. I know almost nothing about what’s going on with him or whether he actually ended up seeing anyone new. He’s got an anxiety disorder and isolates himself a lot, hasn’t many friends he sees, so I can’t imagine that has changed much. He acted like “maybe he’d change his mind about wanting to see what’s out there, maybe he’ll be wrong about this,” but he has a history of rebounding and is afraid to be single, it seems like. Anyway, I blocked him on FB.

So naturally, he took notice and signed onto Skype (which he had not used since before our breakup), inquiring about it, wanting to know how I am, and I had to give him the simple answer that having him seek out my friendship is still too painful, and if he truly wants me to get over him, he needs to leave me alone. That seemed to make him feel bad and it took him some time before he said “I just miss you in my life”, and… ugh. He said he guessed he’d block me, and “goodbye and good luck” but never blocked me, just went invisible and periodically logs on.

My fear is that he was over me such a long time ago that friendship seems easy to him, and he isn’t able to grasp how difficult it is when the feelings are still there. Orrrrr, maybe he knows he has made a mistake. But if he knows it’s made a mistake, he’d just admit it by now, right? It’s driving me nuts.

Would love to hear from you, and thank you,
-J

Blindsided

August 10, 2015 at 11:09 pm

Oh, it did go through! Thanks!

Well, luckily, I’ve been NC for two weeks already, and he has not said a word to me. I suppose what you mean to say is that even though he misses me and has been reaching out to me, it’s no sign that he regrets or questions the break up? He’s only upset that we’re not friends?
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:46 am

He could regret the break up… it’s hard to say but what I was saying is that telling him it hurts to be friends is like showing him your cards. That means your telling him you like him to much to be friends. He needs to fight to get you back but if he knows your already sitting around waiting for him he may feel like he can do what he wants and have you at the same time.
Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 9:40 pm

If you want him back I’d advise not to be friends with him. Telling him that friendship is to painful is letting him know your not over him. You want to make him feel like he’s lost you not the other way around. Your going to have go back into no contact to reset that mistake.

Jenny

July 31, 2015 at 3:50 pm

Hi Chris,
At what point should you give up on getting your ex back? I dated mine for 1.5 years and we broke up nearly 6 months ago. We are both in our 30s- I was his first serious gf and he claimed I was the “love of his life,” we were going to get married, etc. The breakup was ugly (we lived together) and he said some pretty terrible stuff. It seems he had built considerable resentment during the relationship. I made a lot of the common mistakes in the beginning of the breakup (begging, crying, etc) but nothing like that in several months. We’ve gone long periods without any contact since the breakup and he’s rarely initiated. I don’t think he’s in another relationship, but I’ve heard through mutual friends, that he is loving being single and sleeping around. The last few times I’ve texted him, he’s completely ignored me. I do love him and miss our life together, but I feel like I’m being a bit pathetic if I continue chasing him.

Jenny

August 14, 2015 at 1:29 pm

Hi Chris,
It appears that my follow up question was erased. I was looking for your advice on how to show him I am the ungettable girl, etc if he will not respond to me and seems to have no interest in seeing me? I’ve sent a few non emotional friendly texts over the past 2 months and he hasn’t acknowledged any of them. I’m wondering if it’s been too long since our breakup, it was too ugly and he’s just “over me”
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 4:06 pm

You know him best so you’d know what he is thinking before anyone else.

To be the ungettable girl, you have to do the NC the correct way. During that time, work on yourself. Self image can do a lot for a woman. If you are overly jealous, you will have to find a way to be not jealous. Everyone gets jealous but some people are more jealous then others. This is going to sound weird but give yourself a compliment everyday. Say it out loud. (You don’t have to be around anyone just when you wake up, pick out one thing you like about yourself that day) Never compare yourself to anyone else. Go on dates and pick up a new hobby.
Jenny

August 10, 2015 at 6:38 pm

Thank you for the response. I have been using this time to work on myself. I was always in good shape and look very young for me age but have consciously been focused on improving myself- working out even more, dating, etc. If he doesn’t ask to see me or contact me, how will he know I am back to the “ungettable girl?” I’ve never had a breakup in my life where the guy basically drops off the earth and this was a very serious relationship (he was thinking of proposing at Christmas) which makes it even stranger.
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:17 pm

Hey Jenny, Def don’t chase him. Men are meant to chase women. Think of it this way, What makes a BMW so much better then a Corolla in people’s minds? A Corolla will probably last longer and has the same function. BMW’s are more expensive which means people have to work harder to get it. When they finally get it they value it more. You could use any two cars in this example for example a Lamborghini and a BMW, Lambo is more expensive which means someone had to work harder for it.

For this particular man, you will have to be the ungettable girl. Try reading that post and follow it the best you can. Also use some jealousy in this case.

Roxy

July 31, 2015 at 6:28 am

Hi Chris,
I posted on your last article but you probably didn’t see it so I’m posting here cuz I really need opinions and advices from you! THANK YOU!
I’ve already been on NC for three months straight now since the breakup, no text messages no any other social media messages. Our breakup kind of ended up on good terms, he said hope to see me soon (now I think he was just being plain polite wasn’t he?), and we didn’t block each other, sometimes we both know we are skype or facebook online but he just never texted me (only there’s one time I mis-texted him inadvertently but he didn’t say anything). I’m so confused – we ended up friendly and he showed there’s a possibility to meet again then why he’s not contacting me? Isn’t he going to be curious about my post-breakup life?

He was the one who initiated the NC on me, as I quote from him “I think we should go cold turkey for a while, don’t contact each other until the breakup emotions are gone. It’s weird to put a number on this NC period, I don’t know when we will be talking to each other again, but for right now I think we need to go our seperated ways.” so basically he taught me how to get over him! I don’t think he’s playing any mind games towards me right now, cuz he’s like completely in dead silence, which I think also is a bad sign right? No sign is a bad sign? No angry no need to feel taking control over me no block/unblock drama etc,. I’m afraid he’s totally moved on. But at the same time I don’t wanna be the first one to reach out to boost his ego. So torned, what should I do? His bday is two months away, I guess all I can do is keep doing NC for another two months and then send him a normal happy bday message to break the ice:( Help?

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:47 pm

I always say keep birthdays out of it. That is a day when people get hundreds of messages and yours could get lost in the mix. Try a different text message, one that is random positive.
Roxy

July 31, 2015 at 6:36 am

btw, I’m not sure if he’s seeing anyone new lately, and the reason he called it quits was pretty vague, saying things like “I don’t feel it anymore; I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship right now; it’s not you it’s me kind of BS…” any thoughts? Thanks!
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:06 pm

Yes, your best shot would be to do no contact for 30 days. It sounds like there is more to this breakup that he isn’t telling you. Regardless, if you just vanish he will wonder where you went and probably try to contact you at some point.

Katie

July 31, 2015 at 1:09 am

Love your work. Thanks for helping us all!

Been building things up the past 6 months after we went on a break/turned break up. We were together 5.5 years. We’re deeply built into each others lives by being together for that amount of time. He wanted space for himself. He got it and now we have been communicating again the past 5 months and building things slowly (VERY slow to start) to gain trust and good feelings back, etc. I do seem to be unable to get past the “friendzone” if it must be called that (he knows I want more) and getting mixed signals about if he’s gaining interest again or not. He keeps saying the future is a mystery. We’re generally in constant communication now. I basically feel as though we are a couple but there are no kisses, etc. Just hugs when we part ways. He does thank me for being patient with him and mature. But why won’t he budge? He won’t share his inner thoughts about why he isn’t ready. He’s definitely holding back. Not sure of my next step. I have been very patient and diligent with your advice and my gut feelings. Immense progress the past couple months and feeling like I’m on the right track but ultimately feeling stuck.

Donna

August 11, 2015 at 6:43 am

Hi Katie
I read you message and I am in a very similar situation.
Did you get any help with regard to what approach you should now take?
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:50 am

How long did you ladies do no contact for? Men that “need time to make up their mind” really need the no contact rule done to them. It helps push them to make a decision usually the decision is that they want you to be their girlfriend… If not you can always try again. It’s a long process. It generally takes 3-6 months to get your ex back on average.

Katie

July 31, 2015 at 12:36 am

No the conversations we have are the ones I rather avoid.
En

July 30, 2015 at 9:17 am

Hi Chris! How to build rapport and make him open up or be honest if he is dating new girl. Im scared he might friendzone me if he becomes comfortable talking to me about new girl or interests that reminds him of new girl. I try talking to him before to get him back but all he talks about is interests with new girl (about her pets and favorite shows). I read friendzone article also but I am confused. Also spend more time? That might put me in friendzone (hope you understand he also said “we can be friends”). It is also annoying because he is becoming like his new date (same expression and interest etc)

Sorry for my english, i can understand but have a hard time speaking/writing. I saw this helpful website and i can ask questions. Thank you : ) Hope to see reply because you have good website and friend online told me you’re an amazing guy!

En

August 9, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Hi Chris! This is En’s friend. She has a hard time communicating in english so I’m typing this properly (like she asked) while she is beside me.

En found out that her guy is online dating and there’s a girl he is helping out with personal problems (albeit only online) but En feels cheated because he seemed to have been spending a lot of time online than investing it with her. It has been going on for 3-4 months and En finally confronted him and he mentioned it. He later on asked for time off between them. They did not talk for the whole month of January and met again after because En wanted to fix things or work things out. But he got angry and said he didn’t want to talk about it. He also mentioned he thinks En is an amazing person and does not want to lose the “friendship” to En’s upset. En and the guy did NC for two months straight then met again. But things seemed a little awkward with the guy because the guy is a shy type who is also stubborn. We advised En from time to time (following your works actually) so we can say she was well-guided and disciplined about NC and everything else. En also tried reaching out and being sweet and caring. She tried being hot and cold to give mixed signals too. She read your entries and would ask us if she did not understand anything so we would translate. She tried dealing with this using your blog (and purchased your book too!) but she is now a little lost and confused because she doesn’t know what to do with the guy anymore. A few weeks ago she told us maybe she should walk away or forget the guy already.

Then this entry of yours popped up about having an open communication- which gave her an idea. She knows the guy better so she told us that maybe what you’re teaching in this entry will work. But even we feel at lost because…. well… it’s hard to explain because we tried almost everything you taught us EXCEPT 1) trying to open a vulnerable communication and 2) walking away. She didn’t try opening a vulnerable communication because her guy goes “on guard/defense” mode when she tries to open up or communicate and leaves the chat or doesnt reply to texting. She also has a hard time walking away because she said she wants to “walk away but keep the door open.” She really loves this guy despite everything but she also knows what is good for her and is the kind of girl who holds her self-respect. We’re quite in a pinch so she decided to contact you directly about this.

Thanks for reading and we will wait for your response, this problem of hers has been going on for a long time already (it makes us in her close friend group feel bad for her) and I recommended your site to her because you’re an amazing person 🙂

En: Sorry for my english Chris, I will ask help from my friend from now on so it is clear
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 6:58 pm

I’m sorry to hear that En is having such a difficult time! Has En tried dating anyone else in the meantime? How long has is been since the break up?

Thanks for translating.
En

August 9, 2015 at 2:40 pm

i forgot to tell you a detail. I already did no contact (more than 1 month. i read your blogs and i realize i followed a lot of them. i did NC, is improving my appearance and hanging out with friends. also studying new things.) I also talk to a friend who follows your site. I did everything but i also try to get back. but he is stubborn. i was thinking of walk away right now but i feel like everything we shared is a waste because i know he is a good person. just scared or stubborn and busy with new girl (who is having problems and is vulnerable and asks him for help). i want to give him chance and i want to reach out, but it honestly hurts inside me already because i believe in him too much and i am starting to miss him. i want to let go but i still care. so this new blog about vulnerable communication i want to do but im not sure if i should because i might look stupid chasing over guy who has another girl on side. (but my friend also said i should fight and be best version of self also because rival). i miss him and our good memories but i do not want to look like a stupid girl who is forcing herself to him.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 6:54 pm

The average time to get back with your ex is 3-6 months and sometimes longer so don’t get to discouraged. Try dating other people in the meantime. You may find someone you like better or you may just end up back with your ex. Either way win-win for you! 🙂
En

July 30, 2015 at 6:23 pm

since last year august 2014. i caught him online dating and he met new girl. we fight and broke up on december then we talk again on march and fight again because he is bad at communication and does not talk. then i try to approach again april.
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 8:54 pm

You will have to do no contact to make him regret his decision. Also During that time be the best version of yourself.
Chris Seiter

July 30, 2015 at 3:50 pm

How long has he been dating the new girl for?

Laura

July 29, 2015 at 11:25 pm

Hi Chris. My question isn’t directly related to this particular post but since it’s the most recent, I thought I’d comment here. My boyfriend and I dated for 4 months and everything was honestly perfect. We never fought, got along well and always had a great time together. The only difference was that we have different political views (which he knew about from the beginning). So two weeks ago we got into our first disagreement over politics and he broke up with me. I couldn’t believe it, especially after 4 great months. He majored in political science and went to law school so politics are a big deal to him but it really isn’t to me. I told him I would be more open minded and to allow me to educate myself more but he’s not giving me the chance.

At the end of the convo, he told me what this really comes down to is that he “doesn’t know if I’m the one.” I want to mention too that he said “i love you” first, poured his heart out to me on several occasions, said he was thinking about living with me, etc. The whole “not knowing I’m the one” comment just threw me off. All because of a political disagreement? Now he’s questioning me and our relationship? He said “it was fun” that he “still wants to be friends.” This of course infuriated me.

The day after the breakup, I unfortunately texted him a handful of times and never received a response. Asked if this was truly what he wanted and didn’t get an answer. Then I read all about the NC rule on your blog and today marks two weeks exactly since I’ve contacted him.

I guess I’m just wondering if you have any idea on what he could be thinking/feeling right now. Will he come back?

Chris Seiter

July 30, 2015 at 3:50 pm

I think a lot of his flip floppyness ;P

Has to do with the fact that he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He seems like he wants you one moment and then the next he doesn’t.

Karen

July 29, 2015 at 9:31 pm

Hi Chris,

I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all of the work you put into this site. It’s been a source of encouragement during these hard times.

Anyway, I did no contact and I just hung out with my ex recently. He said that getting back together anytime soon is unlikely, but maybe we could look at it again in a few years. He does, however, still want to be my best friend. He was pretty open and vulnerable when we spoke the other day. I’m worried that being a constant in his life will just put me more into the friendzone. What are your thoughts?

Thanks!

Karen

July 30, 2015 at 8:38 pm

Hi Chris,

When him and I spoke the other day, I told him that I agreed with the breakup and that I wasn’t trying to get back with him. Do you think I should show interest sometimes and then not show interest at other times? Are those the mixed signals you are referring to?

I’m just worried he may overthink the inconsistencies between what I’m saying and what I’m doing.

Thanks a bunch!
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 8:59 pm

Yes, you need to play a little push and pull. Give him some positivity by flirting a little but then go back to being aloof. Go back and forth with this for a little bit to get him wondering if he has your interest back or not.
Chris Seiter

July 30, 2015 at 3:49 pm

If things continue this way you probably will be friendzoned.

The issue here is that you didn’t build enough attraction before the actual meet up.

Though I think some mixed signals might work on this ex.

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