How Long Will It Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?- The Three Timelines

733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Erin

October 27, 2013 at 3:26 pm

Hi Chris,

I am in such a complicated situation which I don’t think you will have seen before and I desperately need advice!
So I’ll start from the beginning. Me and my ex boyfriend started dating in August 2012, both 20 at the time. I worked 3 days a week and he was off uni for the summer. we had known each other since we were 17. I initiated the contact and he asked me out on a date, where he revealed he had always liked me but never had the balls to ask me out. Things went great and we soon became official. As time went by, by march 2013 he dumped me OVER THE PHONE saying we were too different to be together etc etc. As I hadn’t read any guides online I naturally was calling and texting begging him to give things another shot, where he just said no no no and acted like it was 100% over. so I researched online and did the no contact rule and within 2 weeks he came back and I took him back, after he said he forgot how much we clicked and he had made the biggest mistake of his life finishing with me. Things were great and I loved being back with him, we had talked about having babies and moving in together. So by august 2013 things weren’t great we were arguing a lot as I was working 6 days a week and he was working nights so we were only seeing each other on a Sunday because we live around 40 mins away from each other. This was putting an unbearable strain on the relationship as it naturally would and he ended up finishing with me over the phone again. The week after we split up he got an unexpected phone call from a university which he was on the reserve list for a course he had applied for. the phone call was telling him he had a place on the course. so I texted him saying congratulations etc and he was so cold so I left him to it, I knew no contact was the way to go but I kept caving and contacting. in the end I sent him a massive emotional Facebook message saying how I wanted us to be back together but I don’t want it to be until he has finished this course (next summer) because I know the relationship will only be strained and exactly the same. he replied not saying yes and not saying no to my idea. so the week after that I phoned him asking him to get back with me and he said he didn’t want to because he has just too much work on with this course, the relationship will only be massively strained like before and we will just end up breaking up again. he wasn’t nasty about it either. which I totally agree with. he then said in the future if neither of us has met anyone else and we have less commitments then we can try again. but at the same time he has made NO contact with me since the split 2 months ago. I haven’t made contact with him since the phone call about us trying again next year which was a month ago.
what shall I do? I believe he is my soul mate he’s the only person I’ve ever been in love with and I am the only person he has been in love with and I am his first proper girlfriend. I want to wait it out and hold on but everyone is telling me to move on? I don’t want him to forget about me or think it’s been too long to rekindle things. I feel like I’ll never get him back but the first time I thought it was over for good and he came back. I don’t believe he would lie about wanting to try again, he isn’t the type of person to say something he doesn’t mean. I feel like a year is a long time to wait for someone, do you think it’s do able? I just don’t want to set myself up for failure. I truly believe he will come back but I’d like some light shed on the situation from someone neutral rather than my friends.
I’d love your advice! I look forward to your reply 🙂

Erin x

joanne

October 31, 2013 at 3:08 pm

Its sad when abreak up happens,really you need to move on your young,first love never works for some
ive 6 relationships still not married,dont worry
his lose,there will be someone there,my advice don’t look before you know there is someone there
looking right at you,love tested in all aspects of life,just be positive!
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:57 pm

Well, I think maybe you should open up the lines of communication now. Do you have any texts planned out.
Erin

October 28, 2013 at 7:11 pm

no. I don’t really want to bother him because I just think if he wanted me then he would text. and if he doesn’t want me then he won’t bother, I don’t want to text really because it makes out like I’m still interested and although I want him to know that I think texting him is letting him know I still care and that I still am hung up on him. there is no way the relationship will ever work until he’s finished this course so I just think I’ll leave it till then. and then do something about it. but do you think that could be too late?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:49 am

It could be but I don’t think it is.

Jess

October 27, 2013 at 12:50 am

Hi Chris,

I want to thank you for posting this. I am moving from the short timeline into the medium timeline. As I have said in other comments on this site, I don’t want my ex back unless he has matured and of course I need to mature as well. Anyway, today I woke up feeling sorry for myself (all of my friends and many relatives are in relationships or have a guy to at least talk to) and I have been in a funky mood all day. I have been quiet and silently having a self-pity party. Nonetheless, after reading this page (I don’t know how many times I’ve read it before) I feel a lot better. I really think my ex and I are meant to be but only if BOTH of us mature. I have not talked to him in almost four months and some days are emotional while others are not. Nonetheless, I want to thank you for caring enough to create this site (and write a book). It is hard to have a friend or relative who is in a relationship tell me “Everything will work out fine”. However, since you are removed from the situation and are not acquainted with either party it is reassuring that eventually everything will work out (even if my ex and I do not end up back together). Again, thank you!

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:19 pm

You might also benefit from reading some of the other in-depth articles on the site!

Sam

October 26, 2013 at 1:12 pm

Hey, Man
You seem to know a lot about relationships. I want to help my sister who’s boyfriend of 8 months stopped communicating without officially breaking up with her, so in my sister’s mind the relationship was not over. My sis didn’t bother him at all for more than month – wanted to give him space, then she called and left him a message – no response (she thought something bad happened to him), then she started texting one text a week – no response. Then, 3 months later she called him from someone else’s phone and he picked up…. and she discovered he blocked her number (so he didn’t receive her texts) and was now with someone else… It’s been 8 months since my sister saw him last time… She still loves him and in so much pain – I can’t stand seeing her like that…. She now wants to go and give him a birthday present in person (she knows where he works) – she hopes that if he sees her, maybe he’ll at least start thinking about her again… Man, tell me straight, is it a good idea? And do you think there might be still a chance for my sis to win that guy back? They didn’t fight or anything before he disappeared, I guess he had second thoughts or something… Thanks in advance for your advise.

Sam

October 28, 2013 at 4:27 pm

Chris, could you please answer if showing up at the ex’s job would be something he will find unattractive, creepy even? After all he blocked my cousin’s phone number. Thanks so much!
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:40 am

Unannounced… yes I think it is.
Sam

October 29, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond, Chris! I had shown your comment to my cousin, and she said she will think her action plan over… Also, she said she wish she could write to you herself, but she does not like the idea of other people reading her messages to you. I think I saw somewhere on your webside the page where a message could be sent to your mailbox -I’ll look for it and direct her there:). Thanks again, – there’re so many of us, and you find time for everyone. God Bless!
admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:06 am

I get it hahaha.

Comments are the best way to reach me (because I respond to them all.)
admin

October 26, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Is this really your sis or is it you?

Hahaha jk jk.

I think it is not going to be an easy task but anything is possible. As long as she stops being so emtional and works on thinking with a logical mindset and does a NC rule she has a shot.
Sam

October 26, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Well, she is my cousin… same thing. I think it’s crazy idea to go to his work. She had not been in touch with him for 8 months now, so NC won’t work. And he is with another woman… And she knows it. Is not it a stalking? I don’t know what she is thinking…

Anonymous

October 25, 2013 at 9:07 pm

I have been on and off with my ex for over three years. We have had two break ups. The first was winter 2012 for four months. The second and current break up has been for the past 8 months. I have done no contact off and on the entire time. I did do 30 consecutive days at one point. I NEVER initiate texting him, as I know he will eventually contact me. When he first contacts me it’s typically the same thing – “I can’t stop thinking about you,” “I think about you 24/7,” “I think what we had was true love,” “I’m just letting things happen and we may end up together someday.” As you can imagine, this is very confusing for me. At first I would get very excited thinking we were going to get back together “soon” and ended up disappointed and hurt when it didn’t happen. I never push him to make a move. I don’t get emotional with him anymore. He has a very hard time expressing his feelings and so when he does, I LISTEN. It seems his actions don’t match his words, though. I think to myself, if he really feels this way about me, why isn’t he just with me? He has dated other girls while we are broken up trying to get over me, but it never works out for him. He always comes back to me. I truly believe he’d like to get over me, but he simply can’t. The reason I feel he has a hard time committing to me is he is afraid (he did tell me that), also I am ten years older (I look young), and I have kids. I can’t be as young and free as these other girls he dates. I am sure he wishes he could find someone he feels how feels for me but just with less “baggage.” He always fails, though. I continue on with my life, go out with friends, on vacations, work out 5-7 days a week. I feel I’m the perfect package. I don’t want to sound conceited, but I’m attractive, smart, funny, in terrific shape, caring, very magnetic personality, can support myself.

So right now we are in a place where he drives by every morning before work (out of his way but we live very close), he texts about every 1-2 weeks, I think he’s seeing someone, he worries I am. Our conversations now seem to flow. I’ve been incorporating the good feelings memories. He has said nice things also like how he misses how motivated I am and it was always so easy to be with me, etc..and the things I mentioned above, too, but only after we haven’t talked for two weeks. I know I need to practice patience and not be emotional about things when we talk. I’m just worried we aren’t ever going to progress past this. It kills me that he’s seeing someone. However, if that’s what he wants, then I have absolutely no control over it. I think it’s something he needs to do at his age to see what’s out there. I don’t know if there’s more I can say when we DO talk to help things along. I don’t want him to think ill always be here and so he can wait forever and I’ll just be sitting here waiting for him to be ready.

From a guy’s perspective, Chris, why would he continue to have contact and tell me how he’s feeling but not do anything about it? Is there anything more I can do? Do you think because of the age difference 28/38 that he won’t ever come around and be able to commit? I know for a fact he’s never felt this way before. I feel he knows if we are together it has to lead to marriage someday and that scares him. I just don’t understand if someone has such strong feelings how they can try out relationships with other people. I don’t work that way. I hope you can offer some advice or insight.

I love this site. I read your advice over and over again so it’s really drilled into my head. 🙂

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Essentially he is scared of commitment you think?

Men are all about the BBD (the bigger and better deal.)

As long as you can show him that you are the best deal for him out there he will come back.

Are you in NC right now?
Anonymous

October 26, 2013 at 10:02 pm

I do believe it is a fear of commitment. I feel I am one of the reasons he is scared, as I have already been through a divorce. I don’t think he has previously been ready to settle down. He may be getting there. He is a very attractive guy. He gets a lot of random attention from women and maybe he misses that some when he is in a long-term relationship. Him talking to other girls was not something I was comfortable with. He thinks we can break up and he will eventually get over me, but he never does. He’s more of a love them and leave them kind of guy and I’m somewhat of an exception.

I agree that he may be holding out for a BBD and that’s why we break up. He never finds it. I believe he won’t find better than me, but I can’t change that I’m older than him and I think if I were his age he’d feel more comfortable about our future. I think he’d believe we were perfect for each other if it weren’t for that. Instead he tries to find “me” in a girl his age.

I am currently in contact, kind of. The reason why is because I think since we have gone no contact already that we are on the other end of it where he’s thinking of coming back and realizing he can’t live without me but can’t seem to actually DO IT. Just yesterday we were talking about my trip to Vegas this past week and reminiscing what it was like when we took that trip together and I said it was bittersweet going to all the places we went to together but without him this time and I wished we’d done those things more often when we were together. He said he knew what I meant and that “someday.” So it’s like he’s planning to be with me when he’s ready?? I never respond to those portions of his messages, the potential empty promises. I keep it upbeat, fun, friendly, and throw in a good memory or two.

So right now I NEVER EVER EVER initiate contact. I wait for him to contact me and just try to handle the contact as best I can. It’s been all positive. I try to end it first, too. So I end it and then wait for him to text me again, sometimes it’s over a week. I just don’t want to think I will be just a friend and let him have me in his life without it ALL. I’m all or nothing with him. I am not looking for a text buddy. I know he values the friendship part of our relationship greatly, too. When we were together the attraction was very strong for both of us, too. It really is that we get to a point where it needs to progress and he just can’t…yet. I think it makes him a little crazy too when we don’t talk and I don’t give in to contacting him. He knows he has to make all the moves. I told him I’m happy, I’m fine, I don’t need him. I said that doesn’t mean I don’t love him or want him or miss him. I have given the impression that I am fine with whatever happens and what is meant to be will be and that it will be the best thing for both of us. Of course inside its a little harder for me and I have to do a lot of “work” to just move on and be happy without him, but I’m definitely doing it!!! I still feel like my goal is to get him back for the last time and have it be a solid relationship with no more breaking up!!

Since 2012 I feel I have been on every site out there and never posted or been so impressed with the content and also felt that someone is truly telling it like it is, so GREAT JOB!!! And thank you so much for responding 🙂
joanne

October 31, 2013 at 3:14 pm

If your young enough move on next!
Guys like that are not special,he should treat
with respectand want the best for you.
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:13 pm

Absolutely! I think I will always respond to comments on here.

I can honestly say that you have a fantastic attitude. I love talking to people like you!

K.L.Williams

October 25, 2013 at 12:42 am

Chris just want to say thank you! You are awesome! THE SCOOP: He wanted me to take him back and i said i needed time (remember?) Then a week went by and i texted that im ok with letting him go and to take care because i didnt hear from him after me writing a nice Emotional text. Then he texts immediately and says nooo, its my phone, i need a new one, sometimes i get messages and sometimes i dont.I ignored the rest of the texts and phone call that day from him bc I dont want to play that game. Finally, I talk to him and he said it was his phone and he lost my number and he was sorry and he was being honest. So, from there, we start talking and he says he wants us to be like we were but better and he misses me and all the good stuff. So i tell him how I just want to take it slow. For a few days its good, im ending the convo. AWESOME! RIGHT? So after that, he now only texts me in the morning, maybe five or six shorts sweet texts but nothing the rest of the night and the last two days, i respond to him saying i miss you or something else sweet and then he doesnt respond to the next day . And this has continued for the past two days.

Not sure what this means bec he will say he wishes we can see each other but has not taking the necessary actions to do it.

Do I ignore him for a few days or keep up with this little charade or address why we dont talk at night?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Ignore him for a few days (2-3) and then address it.
K.L.Williams

October 25, 2013 at 1:13 am

***he will say something sweet and I will respond and he wont respond til the next day. Is this bc i said i wanted to take things slow?***

Vienna

October 24, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Hello Chris!

My name is Vienna (20) and my ex’s name is Josh (22). We met at an anime & gaming convention and hit it off immediately. Our LDR has us two and a half hours apart. Two months ago he broke up with me. He was kind of scattered in explaining it, saying he didn’t love me, that he couldn’t see a future with us, that our communication was horrible, but it felt like he wasn’t able to chose one. He never gave me a clear-cut answer. (He posted about it on Reddit, which I would link to but I apparently can’t.) Strangely, he still wants to be friends.

I haven’t yet implemented the NC yet. I failed first time after a week. Go figure.

Upon looking back at everything he pointed out to me, he was completely right in leaving. I wasn’t doing well in college, and I’m still looking for a solid job. Our only means of contact throughout the day was our phones, and I would often not hear my phone go off and neglect responding to his texts. I knew he was upset about it, but I didn’t know he was this upset. Also, I used to get too wrapped up in playing World of Warcraft. We both are gamers but WoW was pulling me away from him. I would brush him off when he tried to talk with me about it.

I’m working hard to get a job, increase my attentiveness to my phone, and play less WoW. I think I’m improving, but I don’t know how to let him see my improvement. I’m so afraid to talk to him about the break-up. I’m afraid he’ll just, emotionally shut down and assure me that he’s over me and we’re never getting back together. I feel like a horrible girlfriend for treating him the way I did… in spite of wanting to stay friends, I’m so afraid that nothing I do will mean anything to him…

Please help me, Chris?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 12:52 am

Hi Vienna!

First things first. Get through that NC period!

Mindy13

October 24, 2013 at 1:50 am

Dear Chris
After 60 days of no contact period my ex bf contacted me to wish me a happy birthday yesterday. He is not in my facebook friend list however, he sent me a FB msg saying happy birthday.Then he sent me a txt msg early morning which I didn’t reply.Then he called me which I let it go to VM where he left a Vm saying happy birthday. I didn’t pick up cause ever since we broke up three months ago I picked up every time he called , showed I was desperate . He thinks he is good looking ( which he is 🙂 and he is very stubborn. He thinks all the girl will be available for him when he need them. Since I sounded needy during the time of our relationship. I am trying to be strong and a hard to get girl now per your recovery pro book.Since he tried to contact me quite a few times through fb, txt and ph call to wish me I am not sure if it is out of feelings or out of caring? I am very confused as he has a gf now. I haven’t responded back to him saying ‘Thank you’ since yesterday. What do you think going on in his mind right now? am I doing the right thing? Please help me how should I proceed.Thank u

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:44 pm

He is checking up on you.

Take thing slow. Wait a few days and YOU initiate a conversation.
Mindy13

October 25, 2013 at 12:41 am

since I didn’t respond saying thanks what do u think may be going on his mind?

Noela

October 22, 2013 at 4:15 pm

hi chris, my boyfriend and i dated for 5 months before we broke up. the reason why we broke is because i heard alot of rumours about him being with other girls and once a while i would check his phone and see him texting different girls at a time. am the type of person that just kept quiet and did what he did so i started texting other guys too. i didnt mean for it to get so far but there was one particular guy who liked me alot and i ended up sleeping with him because one time i thought my boyfriend was sleeping with another girl. anyway i did this when my boyfriend had travelled he came back and i confesssed about it because i felt like i betrayed our love. on the first day he told me his very hurt but he has forgiven me, on the 2nd day he said he went out and even his friends told him about it so it would be a shame for him and he doesnt want me anymore. i cried the whole day that day and ended up with a terrible headache so i asked me to bring me some pills, he was angry at first but after some time he bought me the pills. on the 3rd day he came over and bought me some food since i wasnt eating he told me its going to take time but he will think about it, on the 4th day he came over and bought me back something i had borrowed him, i asked him if he would have dinner with me and he refused in the end he accepted and had dinner with me. while having dinner he skyped with his bestfriend and told him the situation. we speak different languages. anyway after dinner we had sex and then he stayeed a bit and left as he was leaving he told me everything is not okay but he is trying. later that night the bestfriend called me and said he is very hurt because he didnt cheat but his taking it like a man. he loves you and he has forgiven you but you need to give him time. so do you think i should do the NC rule with him or i should not?

admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:07 pm

I still think you should.
Noela

October 25, 2013 at 4:43 pm

hi chris so i did the NC thing it didnt much time he came back to me and told me he will always love me no matter wat and i hurt him alot and it will take time for him to forget it and he might want to revenge sleep with someone else since he did not do it.he also wanted me to call the guy he says he wants to see him, should i do that? anyway am afraid of him revenging on me and also i want him to stop talking about it because everytime we talk that must come into the conversation. how do i get him to stop talking about it? and is he going to revenge?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:30 pm

I think at this point you just need to trust that he won’t do that.

Mina

October 22, 2013 at 4:06 am

helloo…chris.my name is mina (21 y.o).Ill broke up with my boyfriend after 8 month in relationship.He dumped me.And make me DROP enough, STRESSED, DEPRESSION, and try to get suicide. I love him too much.my family n friends try to make me Moved on,,but all is vain,,after 3 month we break up…I keep DOWN.Ill try to be strong,,and fixed all my mistake,,I always called him,stalking,and chatting on his FB….
Can u help me to get my Ex Back??…

admin

October 23, 2013 at 6:53 pm

Yea, first off look at all the crazy behavior you did and eliminate it.

Enter into a NC rule.

Soundwave

October 21, 2013 at 3:15 pm

I have no comment rather a problem
it’s the ex boyfriend recovery system I know
Im a male 31 years of age have been dating the same girl for 14 years on and off I need some women advice and admin advice
We has a beautiful 4 year old daughter together
It’s been 4 months since the breakup the first month I didn’t even know we weren’t together anymore
She use to work with me for 2 yrs mon to fri I would see her then on weekends gone no text or call just nothing ,so I started losing hope in our relationship well she got anew job quit talking to me and said were done
Says that she still and always will love me but can’t b around me for now I find out she’s seeing someone else but I am not sure what to do I’ve been all over trying to figure out what to do asked doc lov no response
She’s done this to me before but came back after 3 months I’ve tried to have no contact but she sees our daughter on wed and on weekends when she’s not busy with her new bf I need some women advice everyone I talk to says get over it but I h e deep feelings for her and don’t know what to do let her go or b a doormat

admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:06 am

Hmmm you might want to check out this article and apply it to your situation: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/

Amanda

October 19, 2013 at 7:23 pm

I wrote here back in July/August about my ex who moved back home to work for awhile. I’ve pretty much figured out that he probably won’t be back until January, which is fine. We talked a couple of times via text, twice initiated by me, once by him, some random FB comments by him, but that was all a couple of months ago now. Nothing since. I’ve been trying hard to move on but I still miss him a lot. I really wish I could talk to him, even if we aren’t together, because we both share similar world views and I’ve been so stressed with work and life, it would be nice to talk to someone who ‘gets it’ and gets me. However, I feel like it would be bad for me to keep initiating conversations, I worry it makes me look desperate. At the same time, I wish I could do something (can you tell how confused i am? haha). Should I do something?

I also worry that if we won’t talk until January (if that even happens), he will have forgotten about me. Do guys forget girls? I’m worried he’s forgotten all about me and this is all over, even when he does move back to my city because it will be ‘too late’. I feel like guys never want to admit they will get back with a girl they broke up with, like some badge of pride too.

Ps it drives me nuts all of his FB and other online stuff all says he lives in my city still! A random petty comment i know :). I wish I could be like ‘stop torturing me!” haha.

admin

October 19, 2013 at 9:07 pm

No guys don’t forget girls. You don’t have to be worried about that.
Amanda

October 19, 2013 at 10:52 pm

Okay. So I shouldn’t do anything then (i.e. talk to him, text him) huh?
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:41 pm

At this point no.

Gabby

October 19, 2013 at 2:22 am

Hi Chris 😉
During the medium and long timeline, how should contact be with the ex?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Can you be more specific for me? Contact in what context?
Gabby

October 20, 2013 at 1:44 am

Sure 🙂 so during the med & long timeline are we supposed to see them, not see them…?? Keep minimal contact or try to talk to them regularly? I’m just confused as to what kind of relationship we would have throughout this time…because i doubt its a good idea to go no contact for a year and then re-enter their life right??
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:47 pm

Generally you don’t see them at first but you are allowed to see them after the initiate MC/LC/NC whatever you are doing.

Courtney

October 18, 2013 at 8:37 pm

hi Chris! 🙂
I don’t know what to do. my boyfriend and I dated for 8 months and he is honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me . I have a rough life at home and he is the one person that makes me happy. I feel silly asking you because I’m only 16 haha but he was my first for everything… and he broke up with me out of no where? it’s only been 2 weeks. he broke up with me over a text message because he said he loved me to much and he honestly didn’t want to hurt me. the first thing he said when he broke up with me was “I just want you to know that I love you so much and I’m never going to stop. but I need to be single right now. I got a lot going on and I’m just taking on too much.” I said I love him too and we talked for a while and I asked if we were done for good and he said this is definitely not the end. he said we would be broken up most likely temporarily. should I believe him? what should I think? he kept saying until then he wants to keep our best friend relationship because he loves me and he doesn’t want to lose me. basically we ended on good terms and he kept saying he wants me to know that he really loves me. immediately after we broke up like a day later he texted me and acted as if nothing had happened. he’s confusing me so much. like I was sort of one wording him for a while and (like I said I had a lot going on at home) i went somewhere to have some time to myself and he was worried I wasn’t coming back. he said he knows I’m going through a tough time and he wants to be there. I said I’m fine it’s no big deal and he said “I love you but it seems like you don’t believe me.” I’m so confused. does he want me or not? then I have other people in my ear saying he’s playing me or he likes someone else and everything else possible but it’s just messing with my head and I can’t take it. what do I do? I’ve never loved a guy before. never in my life and I miss him. we haven’t talked in over a week and I’m gonna try the New rule. what do I do? what do you think of the situation?
thanks so much 🙂 (sorry about the length!)

admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:50 pm

No Problem.

Ah, 16 I remember that age. In a way I envy you (because there is less responsibility) and in a way I don’t (because there is less responsiblity.)

Hahah so you say you want to try the NC rule? Have you ever done it before?
Courtney

October 20, 2013 at 4:05 am

nope I’ve never tried it before. he’s my first serious boyfriend. it’s really hard too. he’s been texting me every day since we broke and acts like it never happened… I’ve been responding too. is that good or bad? is that a sign that I might get him back or no?
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:54 pm

First serious boyfriend god bless your soul!

Its good your getting him to respond but I would actually say do NC.
Courtney

October 21, 2013 at 1:29 am

he wants to stay best friends and he texts me every day… would it be mean if i suddenly started the NC? I’m worried he’ll think I suddenly don’t want to talk to him since we’ve been talking.
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:19 am

It might be weird but it also might work like a charm!

Marty

October 18, 2013 at 3:51 pm

This site is sooo good 😉 Its full of information 😉 I already feel better after reading it 😉
BTW, how much more info there is in the ebook?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 7:15 pm

The biggest article on this site is almost 10,000 words. The E-Book is twice as large and even more in-depth.

Lily

October 18, 2013 at 3:50 am

The last words my boyfriend and I said to each other when we broke up was “I love you”. We broke up because we both said something that made each other really upset. It’s been only a day and I’m using the NC rule but I cant help but wonder if there’s a chance for us get back together?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Haha you ended on good terms. you still care about eachother so yes there is a definite chance!

Carly

October 17, 2013 at 12:35 am

It’s been four months for me since my boyfriend and I broke up. We dated for a year and had a wonderful relationship then he broke up with me kind of out of nowhere bc “things in his family were bad” to make an extremely long story short- he’s 19, i’m 21. After he broke up with me he started smoking pot about 3 times a day and was constantly fighting with his parents, he ended up talking and getting feelings for a MARRIED 27 year old.. and she liked him to. We worked together the two months after our breakup and it was bad.. I cried everyday and he knew I wanted him back. I went back to school 3 hours away from him at the end of August and from that point we had just had limited contact, a text here and there, I got a few “i miss yous” because of these I miss yous, I came home this past weekend and gave him a letter about how much I loved him and hoped we could work things out and I missed him too… he told me he loves me and misses me everyday but part of him still wants something to happen with this married girl, and although he doesn’t want to lose me forever he doesn’t want me to feel like I need to wait for him..

I’m not sure where to go from here, I thought I was on the right track when he starting texting me about how he missed me.. but then I got home and now I feel back to square one.

I appreciate your articles so much and the fact that you respond.

hope you have a nice day.

admin

October 17, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I think you really need to ask yourself why you want him back?

From everything you are saying he seems like a bit of a jerk. What is your reasoning for wanting him back?

Kris

October 15, 2013 at 9:23 pm

I have been dating this guy on and off for almost a year. We’ve had some issues but they always seemed to just disappear once we were together again. But now, today, something life-changing and terrible happened in his life – having nothing to do with me. He ended up telling me that I’m too old for him, he is deleting my number and never wants to speak to me EVER again, etc. Extremely harsh and heartbreaking… I told him that I was sad because I care about him but that he can do what he wants – I can’t stop him, offered a few kind words of encouragement and that was it. I don’t know if your strategies will work in this situation. He seemed like he meant every word. Irrationally so, but still…

admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:47 am

Do you have any way of getting in touch with him by facebook or other means?
Kris

October 16, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Yes I do 🙂

Chels

October 15, 2013 at 12:33 am

Hey Chris! I am currently going through a breakup and have found your website a lot of help. Whenever I feel down or like contacting the ex I log onto here and read some of your articles and I seem to get myself collected. I recently found out that he flew a girl here from another country that he met online. That was kind of heart wrenching seeing as how we have only been broken up a little over a month but it also gave me some perspective as to the kind of person he is. In fact when reading your articles I find myself loving the way you write and how well put together your thoughts are and how you like to help people. This makes me realize that there are things in other people that I find attractive that my ex did not possess and I may in fact get to the point where I figure out that I might not want to be with him. So I really just wanted to say thanks. A million! xoxo

admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:23 am

Glad I could provide that safe haven. I have a pretty good article I am super excited about tomorrow so make sure you be on the look out for that.
Chels

October 16, 2013 at 3:24 am

Nice! I look forward to it. I’m only on day 8 of the no contact rule and we have been broken up a month so I need these articles to keep me strong lol. But actually they truly make me not want to contact him because any contact at this point obviously does more harm than good. I just come here to sweat out my emotions in the gym. I can’t tell you how many times this website is probably in my history right now.
admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:42 am

Sweet! I just finished the new article. It’s different than the rest but interesting for sure.

K.L.Williams

October 12, 2013 at 7:59 pm

Hey..we spoke in early September. I told you my situation and you suggested no contact. Which was great because I have really focused on my self and have been doing great. (went on dates and career is great) Like, im really doing good in that area. Well, nothing from him yet (its been a month and two weeks) and I was doing good not thinking about him and then all of a sudden, I cant seem to get him off my mind. I have dreams about him and it frustrates me because I havent heard from him. I know you said 4-6 months would be way better but I guess in my mind it feels like rejection. I saw he wrote his step mom on FB that he will contact her once he gets his phone so im guessing that could be an excuse as to why I havn’t heard from him but he has my email as well! And on his tumblr he posts stuff like “better to have a broken heart than none at all” or ” I love you but I dont love myself;the dilemma” or ” I’v broken a million hearts for fun” ..really confusing if you as me because im not sure if this is about me or someone else because he hasnt contacted me.

I guess I hate this feeling and im really fighting to be positive that there maybe hope for us but Im getting nothing from him right now so…i just hate this feeling.

Your thoughts?

admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:49 pm

I hear you. I don’t think anyone likes that feeling.

You do realize you can contact him after NC right?
K.L.Williams

October 13, 2013 at 9:50 pm

Change of plans! I implemented the steps on contacting your ex and it worked. I am shocked! I brought up a happy memory, he responded wonderfully, said he really missed me and was sad he lost me. Said when I pop up in his thoughts he always smiles. I threw in a nice compliment and ended convo first, he told me to text him after I got out of the meeting. So, i certainly dont want to rush this now and I want to take me time but i do understand that this is in the 1-3 month stage and i really want this to work. Like he skipped straight to i miss you soo much so i kinda dont know how to play this. Suggestions? I am reading all of your articles by the way 🙂
K.L.Williams

October 15, 2013 at 1:27 am

He said he wanted me back. I told him i missed him too but needed time to think. I texted him another memory text until I know what to do. Because I dont want to rush this:)
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:25 am

You are in a good place now I have to say. Just keep on keeping on by doing things on your terms.
K.L.Williams

October 15, 2013 at 9:02 pm

after i told him i needed time to think about it, he sends (:/ ok). I told him to get rest & we’ll talk later, goodnight:). He said he wont sleep and goodnight back. The next day i sent him another memory text and he didnt respond. its been a whole day. So im going to wait a couple of days and maybe suggest we meet up because He kinda spead up the process byt saying i miss you and asking if i will take him back. But he said he lost my number but in my mind, he has my email. Thats why i said time bc something doesnt add up.
joanne

October 31, 2013 at 3:31 pm

What are you waiting for,if you don’t make a move it could be too late contact him
you might be surprised,he mite feel the same about no contact,someone has to move its like game a chess!
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:45 am

It is obviously your situation so I can only offer advice but I would say speeding things up very rarely works. It may work for you though.
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:26 am

Why are you shocked? Hahaha I told you it works.

Take it kind of slow. Keep progressing with the plan in the E-Book and on the big pages of this site.

Sorry for short response I am just so strapped for time today.
K.L.Williams

October 13, 2013 at 12:49 am

I am fine with time and patience. If he catches up with me, wonderful, if not, it does not effect my well being.

I just want to stop thinking about him (LOL):)
admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:24 pm

You will stop thinking about him eventually that just takes time and theres no process to speed that up I am afraid.

Malin

October 12, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Just thought I’d do an update. I’m on day 28 of no contact, although I actually plan to go a full 33 days instead. NC has actually been fairly easy for me, of course I had moments where I wanted nothing more than to see/hear from him, but I focused on my plan for when I would get to contact him.

He hasn’t tried contacting me, which is kind of disappointing, and would make me lose hope some days, but I feel so strongly that we should try again properly. I never believed in marriage before him, and I’ve realized even more now that we’re broken up that he’s the one I want to be with always.

admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:48 pm

You are one of the very few. Most women struggle with NC big time.

Good luck to you. Do you need my perspective on something?
Malin

October 13, 2013 at 8:56 pm

I might need it when I go to contact him. I know I’ll be crazy nervous about it. I’m not really worried about him responding negatively, I mean, we had a great relationship, and it ended fairly well, so there’s no reason for him to be negative. I guess the wait after I text him will be painful.

My mind is just all over the place lately. Should I text at the 30 day mark, wait for the day of my plan, wait until he contacts me, if ever.

I’ve kind of been using your site for my venting lol. I never talk to friends and family about this stuff, I have one good guy friend I talk to about it, but no one else. A guy’s perspective is always better I find. So thank you for always responding
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:21 am

Whoa your mind is all over the place hahahaha.

Feel free to vent that is kind of what it’s for anyways.

I would actually text him on day 31!

Sorry for the short response I am just wiped out today.
Malin

October 16, 2013 at 1:46 am

Yeah, Canadian lol.
Although I wouldn’t say that’s the only reason I like it. I used to love it as a little kid, I was a huge tom boy, but once I became a teenager I stopped, but for the past 3-4 years I’ve come to really love it again.

My team and his team are actually arch rivals, so that kind of worked out, we always teased each other about who’s team was better.

(My team is better 😡 )
admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:32 am

Gotta say I love Canada. You guys have GSP. Nuff said!
Malin

October 15, 2013 at 2:11 am

I would text him sooner, but I don’t know what to say. Thursday our favorite hockey teams are playing each other so I figured that’d give me something innocent for me to use as the first contact. Otherwise I don’t know what else I could say.

I have every step planned out already, so hopefully everything goes pretty smoothly.
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:33 am

The hockey thing might work. Do you live in Canada? Is that why you like hockey?

Sorry just wondering?

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