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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Maggie

    August 27, 2015 at 3:37 am

    Hi Chris,
    So I read your Ebook but I also read another one and it recommended that the first contact be a “Trojan horse” where you applogize for freaking out at the breakup and say that you understand now and feel better and wanna be friends. Do you recommend this method? Why or why not?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 12, 2015 at 1:09 am

      No because I feel you immediately friend zone yourself with that and then you have to work yourself out of the friend zone.

      I do like the anaolgy of the trojan horse though. I think I may use that some time.

  2. Sian

    August 26, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve spent the last few days reading over the post and comments on this website and haven’t really come across anything that relates to my situation. Hopefully I’m not a complete lost cause? I just wanted an outside opinion on whether I’m totally wasting my time.

    So, let me explain…

    Me and my boyfriend (both 22) were together for 3 years, and were each others first proper relationship. We were (in my bias opinion) perfect and we were both so happy for the mass majority of the 3 years. We have even recently (within the last few months) started to seriously look at buying a house together and spoken about marriage and kids. And he was just as excited, if not more, about all of that than me!

    However, about 4 weeks ago, he sat me down and told me that he had something to tell me. He told me that he thinks he’s attracted to men, and thinks he’s bisexual. I was completely shocked as this came out of the blue and I didn’t react very well! I think I got out of the car and sat by the side of the road and just cried! I couldn’t believe this was happening! I think it was heightened by the awful 2 years I’ve had, with very close family members dying, and many other dramas! And this was my time to start getting back on track, and then this! I left that conversation thinking that that was the end for our relationship because he wanted to explore his sexuality.

    However, he messaged me for the next few days to really fight for me and tell me that he wanted to be with me and he wanted all the things we planned, and I was the only person he wanted. When I questioned more about his sexuality, he told me that he was much more attracted to women and didn’t want to explore what a relationship with a man would be like, but he felt he needed to be honest with me!

    I met him the day before I went on holiday with my family, because I didn’t want to go away without seeing him (3 days after he told me). I weighted up the pros and cons as it were during those few days alone, and decided that this person is my soulmate, and as long as I’m the only person he has sex with and I’m the only person he is in love with, then I can live with this new development in our relationship. But I did warn him that it was going to take time for us to get back to how we were and there were going to be obstacles along the way and we need to be open and honest about everything.

    I went away and struggled a bit being away from him, because I was worried that now he had been open with himself, he would move further away from me and decide that after all he didn’t want to be with me. But we seemed to be doing well when I came home. I did want to try and talk about his sexuality in normal everyday conversation, because I didn’t want to try and make I’m suppress this sexuality, because that would take him right back to step 1.

    However, about 2 weeks later (after everything was going really well and was heading in the right direction) I was a bit “hormonal” and he had ignored my messages all day, even though he had time to tweet and instagram! So I had a bit of a moan to him about it! And then the next day he text me to tell me we were over! I made him come and pick me up and tell me to my face, because after 3 years, he owed me that!

    We went and sat in a car park somewhere, and he told me that he doesn’t think I will ever be able to accept him, even after I told him that I loved him unconditionally and wanted us to work so bad!I fought really hard for us and went through many emotions during this time. But he was very adamant that he didn’t see a future for us and didn’t want a relationship like he thought we would have now, but that he would always love me!

    I completely freaked out and did all the wrong things and bombarded with with messages and phone calls. But then I found this website and started the no contact about 3 days after the initial breakup. Which I’m really struggling with by the way! I’ve deleted his number and given it to a friend until after the 30 days, and had to unfollow him on social media because the urge to stalk was too overwhelming (can’t stalk now due to his accounts being private). The urge to email is very strong and have been in many positions where I have written the email out, but luckily I’ve never sent it. I’m also suffering lots of panic attacks and I’m so paranoid that he is so much happier without me and now he’s loving life now he’s got rid of me! He is quite stubborn and lacks the ability to show emotion, so I know that he won’t contact me until I contact him! It just feels like he is trying to cut me out of his life completely! I’m also finding it difficult to not contact him as I was meant to be going away on holiday with him and his family in about 2 weeks and my NC isn’t due to finish until after this time!

    Sorry, if that was a bit long winded! I just wanted to try and explain the situation as much as I could to give you the best chance of understanding. I hope to get in touch soon, as I am feeling very lost at the moment, and would really like some advice and guidance!

    Do you think trying to get him back is worth a try, or do you think its all a lost cause?

    Thanks for taking the time to read this!

    (oh, and he hasn’t told anyone else about his sexuality)

    1. Sian

      August 27, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      I want him back more than anything. It’s in situations like this where you learn the meaning of the phrase “you don’t know what you have until to lose it”! But, I can’t help thinking this has gone too far and the longer I leave him, the further away he’ll move from me! I think that’s why I’m struggling so much with NC, I don’t want him to forget me as it were!

    2. Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2015 at 10:36 pm

      Great job with deleting his number, that was a very good move by you. It will stop you from contacting him. It’s up to you if you want to try to get back with him.

  3. Joy

    August 26, 2015 at 8:02 am

    Hi chris. I have a situation and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I broke up last month. We have been in a long distance relationship for 4months only but we’ve been together for 3years and I really love him. Before I have read your article Ive already begged him to stay for several times. He told me that I was so demanding and controlling, that for now he doesnt want to be in a relationship, that he doesnt love me anymore and I should move on, that Ive already lose him and I cant do anything to win him back. Right now I dont know what to do. I really love him and right now I know what I did was wrong and I’m willing to change for him and for myself. So what do you think I should do? And what if I do NC rule and then suddenly he contact me, should I do “seen zone” or just ignore his message. And how long should I ignore him? I’m willing to do anything just to win him back. Thanks for your time. God bless.

  4. Heather

    August 24, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I googled “How to get you ex back” found your page and your advice seems great!
    My boyfriend of 3 months and I broke up 3 weeks ago, he has started seeing someone else but says they are not “an item”. We have stayed in contact as friends, we text every day. He calls me every other day (I never call him). Though sometimes I get concerned he is a little too friendly, not sexual but calling me an “attractive woman”, offering to be there for me anytime, and help me with work, etc.
    What’s the best way to win him back if he is seeing someone else? As they don’t seem serious to me, and she goes back to university next month.
    Should I go down the no contact route? Or carry on chatting to him as friends? I need your advice on how to handle the situation so I don’t mess it up, as ive read both your articles on no contact, and what to do if your ex is dating someone new and im a bit confused. Thanks.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      Def no contact, try it for 30 days.

  5. Heba

    August 23, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Hi Chris, really you’re article did raise hope in me and I started to plan how to get my life to go on . The problem is that I’m really stressed out. He asked me to be friends nothing more. He settled his to it . I did every mistake you mentioned. Now I got the look of a pathetic female . Will it work out with me? I mean he really treated me well . He left me over a fight. I left alone when he needed me and he got hurt from my behaviours . It hurt both of us deeply. As I heard from his sister he gets mad always. He fights with everyone. The last time I spoke to him he said that he cries every night over what happened and it was really a beautiful experience also that before I got to be his girl I always was his best friend but he cannot give me a fake feelings. he’s still hurt. That what he said . So if i followed your article I will get him back? I’mnot saying that it grantees getting him back , but I’m really stressed out and afraid of that I might do something wrong and lose him forever.

  6. Snowy

    August 23, 2015 at 8:17 am

    What do you do if you need to to logistics in the no contact period? Like get your mail or pick up stuff? Or do you just have to start it over again every time that kind of thing happens?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      That is the only exception to the no contact rule. You can get your stuff but have the mail forwarded to your own place.

  7. RaLynn

    August 22, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    Hi Chris. I’ve only read about 1/10th of your page so far because I’m a slow reader. I wish I would of found you page much earlier because it could of helped me prevent the break up. I’m only 15 but I’ve dated quite a few guys (something I’m not very proud of) because I tried to fix my brokenness with love. But my last relationship ended 4 days ago. We were dating for 3 months and were best friends for about a year. I know I’ve very young to say I know what love is and I’m not sure if I really do, but when I dated him not only did it feel right but it felt so natural. I don’t really know what happened between us though. We were both very happy. But he did get mad at me during one part of our relationahip because I was trying to catch up with my friends(guys and girls) and he felt as if I was avoiding him. When we broke up, it wasn’t really a bad one. It was kind of a rude way but not as bad as most. I do have a few possibilities of why we broke up. He told me he felt as if our friendship was gone and if it was going to weird he wanted to go back to having me as a bestfriend because didn’t want to lose that. He said we could talk about it whenever i wanted to. The sad thing is the, I didnt receive the message until after he did it, although he did send it the day before. But he told many of our friends different reasons. I also felt as If things were going a little bit to fast between us. But now, I can’t even look t him even though he keeps saying sorry and he really wants to be friends again. One of my friends already told me he’s crushing on some older girl. Buy he’s all I think about and no matter what I can’t destract myself from him in my thoughts. I think we just did our relationship wrong and I want another chance. In the beginning of your article you said if you stopped complimenting him and trying because you already had him, it could make him feel unimportant. I will admit to doing this. I thought we were fine. But we are both busy teens so we didn’t get to spend much time together. I really want him to give us another chance. My friends tell me they catch him starring at me sometimes. But mostly I am confused about the break up. Like I said, I thouhght we were fine and the day before he told one of my friends he still loved me and the next it was over. I am going to finish reading this but if there is any extra or additional information to getting him back, for my young age, can you please reply or at least give me your take on the situation? I know I’m young and I know I screw up a lot but I just want to try again with him.

  8. Stephanie

    August 22, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Chris, you’re honestly the only hope I have right now. Your articles are SO inspiring; Please help. My boyfriend of one year (this happened about 2 weeks ago) suddenly told me he had been losing feelings for me the past couple weeks. We decided to break up. Chris, I’m honestly in love with this man, he just makes me such a better person and I’m so miserable without him:/ luckily, I didn’t nag or text/call him continuously. I went into immediate NC, but today I asked him if he was going to a
    Certain party (I feel so bad about breaking the NC and I know I’ll have to start over.) he replied and said no, so after a few more pleasentries I asked him if he still felt good about his decision to break up–he said yes. Chris, I understand it’s only been two weeks but I just feel so hopeless! Everyone tells me these e-books are a gag but yours seems different. Can it help me? And do you think there’s hope? He just sees me as a friend now :(.

    1. Diana

      August 26, 2015 at 4:47 am

      Chris, my budget is tight right now. Does your e book ever go on sale?

    2. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      Thanks for reading the Ebook. Yes there’s hope but you have to do the no contact without breaking it. 30 days is ideal. Don’t bring up the relationship when you talk to him again. Follow the Ebook, it will def help.

  9. Merc

    August 22, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    Hi Chris thanks for all your articles they’ve been helping me a lot !
    My ex bf broke up with me about 2 months ago because because we both head to college and priorities change.. while I’m still so into us.. I eventually became clingy and too dependent on him that led to the breakup.. We kept in contact a little thorough these weeks. I asked him our for dinner for a catchup last week and everything was casual. Later that night I sent him a message telling him that I accept the breakup and think that it’s the best for both of us. He seemed relieved about it so was I. He wished me good luck and tell me we still can hangout sometimes just like best friends and I can count on him if I had any problems.. Is this a good sign or did I friend zone myself? I’m planning to take your article on this page as a guide to rebuild connection with him 🙂 We’ve been together for 3 years and we have really good connection and I really don’t want to give up here .. I know we’re young and maybe it’s not the right time to settle down in a relationship but I believe if we’re both doing it right our relationship won’t pull us down . Would giving him some more time help? I know that he still cared but he just feel like it’s the best thing to do now.. any advice would be appreciated!

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 6:05 pm

      Do you want him back? I’m assuming yes? Why would you tell him you accept the breakup through text? Its sounds like you friendzoned yourself. Yes you will have to give him some time to forget you said that. 🙂

  10. Joanna

    August 21, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Hi Chris!

    Thanks for all the advice! Back in July I broke up with the guy I was seeing because, despite spending all his time with me, calling every day, and constant contact he wasn’t ready to be “official”. It had been 5 months and I got anxious and broke things off. While I think I made the right decision at the time, more than a month later (and yes, I did got more than a month without speaking to him/seeing him) I still have trouble getting my mind off of him; I was wishing we’d get back together. About a week ago I found your site online and last night I decided to put it to the test. I texted him and the response was immediate and.. wait for … positive! He wanted to text more but I told him I had some plans with friends and had to go. A few questions… 1) what if he texts or asks to meet up ahead of schedule? Do I speed the plan along or pump the breaks?; 2) Just to verify, if a relationship DOES develop out of this am I supposed to start from scratch? So, start off like it’s an all new relationship instead of expecting him to want an immediate committed relationship since we dated for a few months before?

    Thanks so much for your help. I do want to say that no matter what comes of this experience I feel much better knowing I have some control in this situation.

    -Joanna

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 7:45 pm

      Have you done no contact yet? It sounds like he misses you but if he wasn’t ready to commit before he might still not be ready to commit. Yes you will have to start from scratch but don’t get back with him unless he wants a relationship.

  11. sri

    August 21, 2015 at 3:49 am

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Hey chris
    I actually was on no contact rule but i broke it after 15 days
    I rushed in too much and on the same day i asked him about our relationship to which he obviously said no
    I am again doing the no contact
    But after finishing the no contact how should i contact him because i have already used the text idea that you mentioned in the article

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      I will have the Texting Bible Ebook out soon

  12. JD

    August 20, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    I was dating someone for a few weeks, then they went quiet overnight and killed me with silence. Everything was going so well, and we were seeing each other quite a bit. Not sure why they stepped back, I was getting ready to start college on August 24th, and was wanting them in my life to build a future together. Perhaps they’re trying to work out emotions in their head. Maybe they’re wondering why someone like me likes them so much, but the last thing they said to me in person was that they loved me. It sure felt like they did, but it’s not explaining why they went silent. I’ve never liked anyone as much as I have them, and really want them to respond. It hurt me pretty badly for a few days, but I’d still really like to hold onto this person. If they’re being quiet, how would someone make them open up and talk? I don’t understand it, I’m confused. I was very proud to be with them, and have them by my side. I’m still in love with them even after the heartache.

  13. Casey

    August 19, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Hey Chris. I need to get my boyfriend back and will do whatever it takes. He brings peace to my mind and whenever we are with each other, no matter what we are both feeling at the time, we both feel happy just knowing that we are near each other. He broke up with me because he feels overwhelmed with things going on in his life outside of the relationship. He feels that he cannot have a girlfriend at this time, which I understand, but I do NOT want this difficult situation he is going through to permanently ruin our future together. I contacted him and said that I would help him through this time, but it seems to me that he doesn’t want to talk to me, which I take offense to since I didn’t do anything wrong. I plan to completely quit talking to him for at least 30 days, the problem is that in about 45 days or so, we will both be going off to universities. Different universities. Prior to the breakup, I planned that we would attempt long-distance because I had successfully had a long-distance relationship with a different boyfriend before and I am so committed to the guy I just broke up with. Plus, we planned to visit each other often. I am now starting to get worried, however, because if he does not contact me within or after 30 days, then the relationship is screwed. If we do end up getting back together before school starts, then will the new relationship be able to survive the distance? If you have any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much for helping us girls out!

  14. Milly

    August 18, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Hi Chris, my husband of 3 yrs (been together for 8) left me 2months ago. Whilst I didn’t beg him back / text / call him when we did have set times to meet I did try to convince him that we should try dating / go to therapy / talk more: he half heartedly agreed but didn’t seem into it. I then said we won’t talk for 3 weeks and NC before we were due to meet I heard he had been saying some pretty harsh things about me to mutual friends (he has to support me financially when he never once has, I have got mental health problems and have only worked 1 year in the last 4 – I was signed off after he nearly died for 3mnths in the last 8 years and so on and so forth) so I emailed him saying that it wasn’t okay to say these things but that I am trying to make positive changes and was he doing anything to meet me half way… SO we met up 2 weeks ago where he was REALLY angry and crying throughout the whole evening: he told me he would have tried 6months ago but the feelings just aren’t there anymore… he wants a divorce. Frustratingly he came back to mine to pick up his post and whilst I had only had 2 glasses of wine I started violently vomiting from the shock and wine on an empty stomach. He stayed the night and looked after me but I chucked him out in the morning as I just couldn’t look at myself or him… I am just heartbroken. To give some context in the last year his grandmother died, his little brother 17yo has been diagnosed with terminal cancer (hasn’t got long left), he hates his job and has started running to the point of obsessions – marathons all the time. Post breakup he has also started smoking again (quit years ago), told me he is leaving his job to become a teacher (completely out of the blue), wants to start socialising with new people (friends aren’t understanding enough), he is still wearing his wedding ring and his Facebook profile says that he is still married to me – he uses his FB daily so I have no idea why he hasn’t updated it yet. SO I implimented NC 2 weeks ago, I haven’t heard anything from him… I will continue until September when I have to talk to him about finances. But I’m concerned that I’ve done everything wrong and the marriage is beyond redemption. We don’t have kids / own property we are both still quite young (32) so I’m worried that he will just move on and get on with his life… so upset. I am trying to build a life of my own running, started evening course, love my job, have great friends / family and have started writing my diary but I still really love and miss him. I’m just concerned that he won’t ever come back.

    1. Nicole

      August 19, 2015 at 11:46 pm

      How do you post a question that is not included in a reply?

    2. Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2015 at 1:38 am

      It sounds like your doing everything right now. Just keep up what your doing. Try to change the things that were hurting your marriage before and when you talk to him be really positive and confident.

  15. Annabella

    August 18, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Hi Chris!

    I was wondering if you could help me out with a ex problem. I was with my boyfriend for almost five years when he broke up with me out of the blue a week before our anniversary. We were just back from a less than relaxing couples holiday which saw the other couple break up also. However the other couple had been experiencing issues where we were working well together….or so I thought. He told me there were two reasons for the break up, one was that he needs time to sort himself out and the other was that ‘things just weren’t right between us’- he indicated this was the real reason.

    I understand that we have both been stressed as he has a hard job and I am recently unemployed which has left me a bit down in the dumps. I didn’t realise he was having problems as he never told me and acted as normal (including in the bedroom). When he broke up with me he was really upset and I asked him was he sure, he said no and he asked if we could be friends which I said no to, as I wasn’t ready.

    I was a bit pathetic when he first broke up with me, but only in person, after a day I started NC, which I had to break after two weeks so that I could get my bank card off him. This meeting started pleasant, but he seemed to not miss me, and I did tell him I missed him. I have started NC again and am on day four. I was just wondering if you thought we have a chance? I mean we had five happy years and even now I don’t see what, ‘it’s just not right,’ means. I don’t think it’s another lady.

    Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl, I wish you all the best. Xx

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:48 am

      You have a decent chance, you will have to do no contact for 30 days and in that time work on yourself. Get another job to make yourself feel better.

  16. Gloria

    August 18, 2015 at 5:28 am

    Okay so my ex boyfriend and I have dated for about two years and he broke up with me about a month and two weeks ago. He doesn’t want to speak or see me. He has block me off facebook. When I try talking to him so I can have my closure conversation. Everything was perfect. I mean we did have fights like any other couple but it was anything serious. Like we were both faithful to each other. I dedicated my life to him and he did too. One day I got upset and I understand now it wasn’t the right way for me to react but I was mad and told him he could leave whenever because I had another guy already. So he decided to break up with me. I feel like he still has feelings for me because he can’t see me and tell me he doesn’t love me no more. He gets drunk to try to forget about me. I feel like I should talk to him before he actually makes up his mind. Today he answer to my 4th call(it wasn’t my number) and I said “Hey..do you know who I am?” And he said “Yes I know who you are..” I asked if we could meet up and talk. He said “No I can’t I’m busy. I have to go.” And he hang up.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      You will have to do no contact for 45 days and use a few other tactics. He is disrespecting you a little and you have to regain the respect back.

  17. Confused

    August 18, 2015 at 2:13 am

    Hi Chris, hope you can help. I was in a 5-year relationship that ended about 3 weeks ago. The past two years had been long distance; there were also periods that were very unhappy where I was suffering from depression and it made it really hard for him to cope. Things fell apart quickly and dealing with long distance didn’t help. This past January he said he wanted to break up, but after one week I convinced him to keep trying, but things didn’t change we would fight every other day. He would say he wanted to break up and then I would somehow make him stay (I feel terrible about this in hindsight). We stopped visiting each other monthly, but still tried to work it out. Last month he visited me for the first time since January and it was great, our weekends together are always great. When I went to visit him, about two weeks later, I found out that he had been cheating on me for the past two months. It was a terrible 5 days of yelling and crying and begging. In talking about it, he said that this had been so hard, and that he felt trapped, because I wasn’t letting him go. He wanted to move on and that the new relationship was just nice and stress-free (also from what I gather, very sexual). It ended with us agreeing to no contact for 5 months as he was traveling over seas. He promised that he would break up with his mistress (she apparently told him that she did not want to engage in a long distance relationship while he traveled) and take sometime to rethink everything. He had already purchased a ticket to come visit me for New Year’s as soon as he gets back from Europe (this was before the cheating). But, in a matter of days I was calling and texting and messaging, like a regular texting and calling gnat. We tried to work out a way where we could talk casually but he would get angry with me for calling, saying that he just wanted space and that he’s just all mixed up. I would panic and continue calling asking for some kind of security that this isn’t over. A week ago I went to visit him un-invited (I know now that that was a huge mistake) and found out he was still with her. When I called him and told him I was there, he said he was too ashamed and scared to face me. After about 3 days of no contact and deleting everything (Facebook, gchat, emails, etc.), I started texting and calling again. We had one more phone conversation after that where he said that he didn’t love me anymore and was worried about how crazy I was acting. It’s been 6 days since and I’ve been SO lucky to have found your website and now realize all the things I’ve done wrong.

    How badly have I screwed up? What are my next steps?

  18. Chris Seiter

    August 17, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    No that doesn’t count as a mini date. Minidates should be fun not a chore.

    1. Nicole

      August 19, 2015 at 1:21 am

      Chris,

      I was with someone for a year and a half when he suddenly became distant and shortly after, broke it off. He said he didn’t feel as strongly as he used to. When I asked what triggered this, he said nothing. When I asked him if anything was missing from the relationship, he said he doesn’t think so. He’s 33 and I’m his first relationships since his high school/college gf. It’s hard for me to answer what our biggest issues were because there really wasn’t any that I knew of. We never fought and were so close. In my opinion, the hardest thing we were going through was me being in grad school and not being able to be with him like we use to be. But he said it’s not grad school. His main reasons were when we first got together, I talked about my ex alot – I did, but I also told him I wasn’t sure if I was ready for him. Plus it was months ago so I think that’s more a compliant than a reason for the breakup 2) I went to an ex boyfriend (from high school)’s funeral and he said it killed him. 3) I refer to people on facebook as friend 4) Softball. But I don’t know what that means. I play on 2 teams, 2 nights a week so all I can think of is it being about time – but I would have quit if he had brought it up before because I’m losing interest in it anyhow. After that call he went radio silent on me. He wouldn’t answer an of my messages. That was May 17. I texted pretty much up til June 26. I think i reached out again July 4 weekend (got no response) then went radio silent. July 25, his uncle was hospitalized and was dying. I sent him a text saying I am here for him. He responded, “thanks.” Later that day his uncle passed. I learned via facebook. I attended the funeral where he talked to me for 2 hours but I stayed away from any breakup topics out of respect for the situation. I lost 16lbs from the break up. I looked good and held it completely together even though I was never so scared in my life! I read your posts on no contact but felt like I should have went because his uncle always worked on my car for me and I felt like if he took so much offense to me going to a high school boyfriends, it could possibly neutralize that “issue” slightly. When I went to hug his mom goodbye, she told me he still hasn’t said anything about the breakup. He told them I was coming to the funeral (I sent him a warning text 24 hours before, which I got not response) and his mom asked if he wanted her to call and ask me not to come. He told her no, but I don’t want to give her false hope. He said that to me in the beginning of the breakup though when he seemed really unsure of this. I want more than anything to work this out. I go between really hopeful (thinking he just got scared) and crying because I’m scared I lost him forever. I feel like he’s the one, which I know sounds crazy right now. Do you have any suggestions or blog posts to refer me to? I’ve been trying to find articles to help me through this. But I feel like this situation is slightly different because I’m so in the dark and he’s holding onto the NC like it’s his lifeline! Also, when do you know when he’s “gone for good?”

      I’d really appreciate any response you can give.

      Thanks!

  19. Kelly

    August 16, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My boyfriend and I of just over a year broke up recently. By starting the no contact rule, his birthday will fall within that period, just a few days prior to the end of it. Is it okay to wish him a happy birthday? Or what would you recommend saying after the no contact period is over?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 16, 2015 at 11:23 pm

      Nope, I recommend not saying anything on his birthday at all.

    2. Kelly

      August 16, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      And what do I say if he asks why I haven’t been talking to him/ignoring him?

    3. Chris Seiter

      August 16, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      Tell him you’ve been busy and you just needed time to yourself.

  20. Tonkey

    August 15, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Hello! I have a situation… well, he and I met at a work, we both were in relationships with our exes, and the spark that was between us had been put away, so we were just friends from the day one. Our friendship lasted for 4 years and in the meantime he broke up with his ex and I with mine. As usual we were talking and everything like friends, when the spark came back… so we started dating and eventually ended up together. We had some same and some similar goals, we were helping each other, enjoying company, regulary sharing our intimacy… when one day, on a date, he said he is confused and doesn’t know how he feels… that he was hurt in his past relationships and he doesn’t know what he will do with his life, since he left college and doesn’t know what he is interessted in… and so that he is breaking up with me. Two days after that I got a text saying that he was wrong, that he is sad and miserable without me, that he loves me and can’t imagine his life without me, that I give him support unlike his own family. I met up with him, we solved all of the problems he had with his insecurty (at least I thought that) and continued our relationship… A month after that he said that he wants for us to move in together, and that he will enroll a programming school, so when I will leave a country to get my PhD, he can come with me and have a better paid job that he actually likes. Everything was going fine until June, few days after my birthday, and five months after the first breakup. I was at his place for weekend (since we are both still living with parents) an we watched a movie together, cooking, talking and even made a reservation for a spa next weekend. Morning after that, I woke up after having a nightmare, later he asked me what have I dreamt about and refused to say, saying that it wasn’t important. He asked me 3 times the same question and I said it was just a bad dream and nothing else, after that he got mad at me and said he won’t ask me again. Few minutes after that he recieved a call from his father who said that we can’t borrow a car from his parents but his mother will give us a ride along side with his younger brother and spend a day in a spa with us and after weekend ends, they will pick us up and bring back home. At that point he snapped. Started saying things like- all my highschool friends have their own car, I can’t even borrow a car from my parents for a weekend… I haven’t even bought myself anything… I asked him what he means by that and he started saying that we basicly live from his paycheck because mine is too small and I spent most of my paycheck to pay off my college. That he is in big debts and because of me and our dates he ends up being hungry on work for 2 weeks in a month. That I have my head in clouds and he thinks rationally, that the plan for moving in together was mine alone, that a weekend in a spa was my suggestion and that he doesn’t feel for me like I do for him. He also said that he felt different in relationships before ours and that ours isn’t “IT”. That I am getting on his nervs, that I don’t miss him when I am not at his side … and stuff like that. I felt heartbroken, sad, betrayed … left all the gifts he ever bought me (btw. I never asked any of them) and said to him to sell them so that he could pay off his debts and never be hungry again and then took my stuff and ran out on a rain and went straight home.
    Since that day I felt depressed, cried all the time, analysing everything from the past 15 months of our relationship… Since we borrowed each other some stuff, I decided to contact him 2 weeks after a breakup (by that breaking the NC rule, but in my defence, I have just recently heard about this site 😀 ) and he told me that nothing has changed, that he stays by his desicion and that we can meet and just exchange the things. Few hours afted that call, he texted me saying he can’t come because he has some work to do. I haven’t heard from him ever since. It has been 2 months since the breaku up, I managed to get out of depression, changed my looks, lost some weight, started exercising, passed all my exams and working all summer because I want to move out of my parents house… my plans (later ours) haven’t changed and I even started dating and meeting new people. The problem is, I still think about him, about how much I love him, about that spark when we first met, about how we have same plans… and even now I am realising I want him back… in the meantime he blocked me on facebook, but only on facebook… I don’t know my next move… I am selfconfident and happy again and I am sure I want him back. I am also aware there is a chance to fail, but I am prepared for that. Can you help me and guide me, please? 🙂

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