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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Rona

    September 4, 2015 at 12:32 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me on Tuesday. I had been with him for 3.5 years. I asked him what was going on because he had been pretty distant and would not tell me that he loves me anymore. Therefore I asked him and he told me that he loves me as his best friend and also still in a romantic way but not as strongly as I love him. He said it makes him uncomfortable to know how much I love him and not be able to love me as much. He also said that he felt smothered my me. I guess that a good word. And what he wants is to be excited when he sees me and to have long and good conversations with me because I am the one he relies on. He also mentioned how it’s not impossible for us to get back together and how he wants to feel good about it. Since the breakup we have been talking on the phone and he has been telling me what’s going on in my life and I have told him how mine is. The conversations were not about the two of us but other things in his life. It feels good to talk to him but it makes me sad to know he’s only my friend and I definitely want him back. I’m not sure how I should go about it. I definitely want to trigger something in him that makes him all crazy happy whenever he sees me again. At the same time because he relies on me as this best friend I don’t know how to do the 30 days not talking to him.
    I also think maybe he also just gotten so used to me being around. Also another thing since we broke up he has been calling and texting me a whole much wanting to make sure I’m okay and telling me how sorry he is etc. I believe that me smothering him is a big part of why our relationship ended.
    How would you recommend to approach the situation?

  2. Deirdre

    September 3, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    Hi Chris.
    I have a question I couldn’t find the answer to on your website. My relationship with my ex was almost perfect but there was a problem which caused a fight and we broke up. In the process of getting him back (using your help) when is there an opportunity to discuss the problems so they don’t happen again?
    The break up story: I broke up with my baby a week and a half ago. After a fight he threw me out of his house and told me not to call him. This was unacceptable to me and because he didn’t call me that night, the next morning I tried to call him and when he didn’t answer I broke up with him via text. He responded like he didn’t care. The next day I sent him a nasty letter in the post with my key (to his house) enclosed. I received an apology via text (possibly before he received the letter) but the text also asked if he should drop my things (nothing important) to my house while I was away. I told him to just burn them… I was angry that he was letting me go… I wrote him an 8 page letter (which I did not send) but it made things more clear in my head and I realised I’d made a mistake. I texted him in the middle of the night saying “I don’t want it to be over”… I know now from reading your website that that was a bad idea… He didn’t respond. We had a holiday booked for that weekend and I unsuccessfully tried to sell it so the next night I texted him again… I asked if he knew anyone who could use the holiday and he didn’t respond so I told him I thought this was messed up and I was sorry for the nasty letter I sent and wished him luck… That was 5 days ago and the last time I tried to contact him and I still haven’t heard from him.

    So I’m on day 5 of NC…
    The plan so far: I expect that he will be the stubborn type and not text during NC… If he does not contact me by Facebook by day 21 I plan to change my profile picture to one that looks like I may be out with someone…
    I’m not sure what to do if he becomes a gnat… Obviously I shouldn’t ignore him but I imagine I shouldn’t go running back into his arms like I’ve been waiting either… Our relationship moved really fast the first time because he was in the drivers seat but I don’t want to move so fast the second time around if we run the risk of the same mistakes…
    I have a plan of texts to send for the first few stages of contact but what I want to know is within this series of meet ups, when is a good time to actually being up the problem that caused us to break up?.. Surely if everything is going well and we’ve got to the stage where we meet for coffee I can’t bring up such a sensitive matter at the same time as asking him to come back…? If he was the one to start talking about getting back together perhaps I could tall about it but how do I make him do that after I’ve hurt his pride by breaking up with him?

  3. CeeCee

    September 1, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    I had been together with my ex-fiancé for 2 years, engaged for 7 months. We had been long distance. He had moved most of his things to my place already. We had been getting into stupid little fights since we got engaged (mostly about wedding stuff) and after one fight, he ended it and said that he still loved me but didn’t think he could make me happy. He told me to keep the ring and throw out all of his things (rather than send back to him). I initially gave him a few days to cool down and then approached him about giving us another shot, but he said the same thing, that he didn’t like all the stupid fighting and he didn’t think he could make me happy so as much as it was killing him, he thought this was for the best. I haven’t talked to him since – this was about a week ago. Do you think there’s hope for us to get back together? Any advice would be appreciated!

  4. Pat

    September 1, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I tried posting a few times but was unsuccessful
    I have been reading you’re website and am considering purchasing you’re program.
    Before going forward I would like to know if there is any hope regarding my situation.
    A week before my boyfriend and I went on vacation-we got into a very bad argument-he said some pretty mean things to me.
    Shortly after this argument, I had messaged my cousin and pretty much vented to him in panic. These were my exact words-
    “ He has a temper, he swears and says hurtful things- I am starting to think were not compatible I love him so much but is that enough?.
    When I look back on my relationship with my ex he was very easy going-is still with his girlfriend”

    While I was in the shower-my boyfriend went through my phone and saw that message to my cousin. He did not say anything to me during our vacation but when we got back-he blew up and called it off. I tried explaining to him what I said had no meaning, I was just very upset and shaken up on how he spoke to me that day. He pretty much said I cheated on him and he made his decision to end things. I tired contacting him two weeks after the breakup to talk about what happened. And he sent me an entire paragraph on how I need to move on and let go. He said he will move forward with his life and cannot see past this. He told me how the last two weeks have made him more angry but content with his decision.

    In you professional opinion-is there still a chance at saving this?

    1. Pat

      September 2, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      Thank you so much!
      In terms of the message he sent to me-telling me to move on and let go do you think that is the anger taking over or is there truth to that message?
      My worry is that when i decide to contact him after the 30 day period i will get the same response.
      Thanks again 🙂

    2. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:18 am

      You have a chance.

      However, a chance doesn’t guarantee success.

      (Kind of my professional disclaimer.)

      Your success is going to revolve around a few things.

      1. The work you put in
      2. How he reacts to the strategy you decide to implement.
      3. A bit of luck.

  5. Mary

    September 1, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m still seeking for the solution. So,the story goes like this, we were starting to know each other since early Jan this year. Initially, we knew each other from online dating website. I was the first one that said hello to him and he replied me back. To shorten, we met on face to face on Jan 2015 in Singapore, just for one night and he said he wants to keep in touch with me, and then he was going back to Netherlands (I’m working in Singapore). And our life was going on every day, keeps emailing to each other until June 2015 (we are in LDR).

    And he came again to Singapore on June 2015 to spend one month with me (in order he wants to know me more). We had a very well-spend month together during that time. We were happy. we lived together for a month. I treated him well, he said the Asian girl really treat his guy nicely – foods,laundry and know how to respect a guy During that time too, we were declared as a BF-GF..

    But, a month after we spend time together, he went back to Netherlands as he still need to working on his PhD thesis. One day, we talked about marriage thing. He wouldn’t mind about my religion – which is means he can do his religion, I can do mine. But one more thing is, I can’t get married with him in my country – because its illegal in my country to mixed-marriage. So I came out with solution, I can go somewhere in Europe as I have a dream to pursue my study there next year. At the first place, he agreed with that. But later he said, he needs some more time to think about it. And I gave him that space he wants.

    After a few days, he emailed me and came out with the decision that he don’t want to continue this relationship as he doesn’t see any future in us because we are in different religion and culture – he added, we could be probably make it happens for awhile, soon or later, the culture will be kicked in and that time would be totally mess. But I replied to him, I will face every matters that encountered us, either culture and religion, I know I can grow stronger with him.Since I knew him ,he changed me a lot – from grumpy to being very patience, not hard-headed. In that email, am not looked as much desperate I want him. I just stated that was my own point of view. And he didn’t reply my email. A few days later, I send another email to him – I said that I will not giving up easily on him because he done his part to make this relationship happens before (spend a month with me) and now, this is my part to keep this relationship alive. I said to him too, this is my payback time for everything he done before and I will fight everything for him and he have my words. But unfortunately, he didn’t reply my last email. It have been 7 days. Oh and last night, I signed in Skype and I noticed that he’s not in my contact list anymore. But a few days before, he still in my contact list.

    So my question now, should I move on or try to persuade him as he will come to Singapore again on Nov for his works. And I still keep in touch secretly with one of his friend. What the concerns for me now, he gave final decision through email without discussing with me first. And it really makes me upset. Yes, he is the most stubborn guy I ever met in my life. I know he still loves me,but in the same time, he is afraid of what the future looks like. Please help me….

  6. Sierra

    August 31, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    I’m really glad I found this website, because it seems like I am starting to do all the right things! My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me about a month and a half ago and I didn’t talk to him for two weeks, during the two weeks we did talk we hooked up twice. The last time we spoke hurtful things were said and he has started “seeing” someone else. It has been almost a month since I’ve spoken to him and I was wondering if it is even something worth trying for, I know its not the end of the world if we don’t work things out, but I miss him and I feel like I lost my best friend. What do you think?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:34 am

      How serious is he with this other girl?

  7. J

    August 30, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    Hi chris! I have a situation and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I broke up last month. We have been in a long distance relationship for 4months only but we’ve been together for 3years and I really love him. Before I have read your article Ive already begged him to stay for several times. He told me that I was so demanding and controlling, that for now he doesnt want to be in a relationship, that he doesnt love me anymore and I should move on, that Ive already lose him and I cant do anything to win him back. Right now I dont know what to do. I really love him and right now I know what I did was wrong and I’m willing to change for him and for myself. So what do you think I should do? And what if I do NC rule and then suddenly he contact me, should I do “seen zone” or just ignore his message. And how long should I ignore him? I’m willing to do anything just to win him back. Thanks for your time. God bless.

  8. Alice

    August 30, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    My break up situation is a bit complicated. Me and my boyfriend, we were together for four years(witch seems to be a lot of time). But the trouble appeared three mounths ago when he went for a some kind of festival in other city pretty far from where we live. So he met there a girl and did shopping with her and stuff like that but his was honest with me and told me about it. But later he seemed a little bit cold and deeply in thoughts and i just aked our friend who was with him about that girl but he found out that i had asked and was so deeply mad at me and even telling that he doesnt know if he still loves me but after few days it stared to be quite normal as always but as i found out later he started to write with this girl and i felt like losing him. I spent whole three mounth doing everything to make this work but he was very cold with me. Then i saw a picture of him and this girl on facebook and found out that he went there to meet with her. After two days we broke up and he was the one who intiated it as he thought about it since june. After a week he wrote to me that they are together. He offered me a friendship but i denied. So he is now in a ldr with that girl but i can see that he feels really sory for me and he asked things like if i’m angry with him. What should i do in your opinion? I know the no contact rule as I read about it on your website but is that will work in this situation?
    I would appreciate every advice 🙂

  9. shreya

    August 30, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    well, I am a girl of sixteen.i have joined a new school, where i met a boy.well, he was the one to search me up in facebook and message me. then by the passing of days we became friends.Well,I must say very good friends.and then within 3 weeks, we fell in love. it had been 3 months that we were in a relationship, that he broke up with me. well, he did not give any proper reason for his behavior. But i am 100% sure that he did not leave me for any other girl.Because, as far as i have known him he cannot love any other girl.And he is not a playboy.he is a very emotional boy with a strong will power.IT has been 13 days since we broke up. but his attitude is still the same that he doesn’t want to be with me.he ignores all my calls.HE EVEN DID NOT GIVE ME A SPECIFIC REASON FOR THE BREAK UP….. this is the thing which troubles me a lot. Anyways, I want him back……. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 4:00 am

      Surely you must have some idea of why he broke up with you though?

  10. Melissa

    August 30, 2015 at 6:32 am

    My boyfriend of 2 years immidiately fell into another relationship. He broke up with me over text. Saying he’s sorry we can’t be together. It’s been 1.5 months now. And yesterday he made his new relationship Facebook official… Do you think that he actually likes her enough to make it public? Or is he trying to make me jealous? A week ago he blocked me on Facebook but he knows my friends are going to tell me about it

  11. Kate

    August 29, 2015 at 11:41 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago so i followed the NC for like 29 days … the reason of this broke up is that he thinks that he can find someone better and can do anything as a girlfriend. He thinks that im shy and cant change that habbit. We’ve been dating for like 3 years and he suddenly wants to break up. He told me that someone asked him “Do you stay with her bcz u love her or bcz ut became a habit ?” Since that question he was thinking about it and told me he wants to break up … but i really love him so much he makes me a better person 🙁 . During the NC he texted me almost everyday asking about me and 2 days ago he texted that he doesnt want to deal with me anymore and he wants me to forget him and to forget that i have a chance of beeing with him in a relationship but he wants to be friends (i didnt reply bcz i was in a NC) What should i say after that ? Do i act like he didnt say that ??. Do you think that i have a chance ?? Chris i really love him and i want him backk… what should i do after the NC ? .. im afraid of rejection ..

  12. Elizabeth

    August 29, 2015 at 10:16 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My ex and I broke up just a few days ago. A couple nights before the breakup we got into an argument about how I never bring up what’s bothering me. I will just say “k” or “whatever”. But, I do that when we are texting because I’d rather ha an argument or a serious conversation in person rather than through text. Ironically, when we were fighting about that we were texting. The day before the breakup he had gotten fired for something that he should not have been fired for. He claimed that it was fine but he was clearly upset about it. He didn’t want to see me that day either. That brings us to the day of the breakup (the day after he got fired). When he broke up with me he brought up a couple of reasons. In those reasons were the fact that he lost his job and that he is not in school this semester like he hoped he would be. Like I said, we broke up a few days ago. We have talked everyday since and today I’m trying my best not to talk to him. I have started the conversation majority of the time so I’m thinking that if I don’t start it today then we won’t talk today. Do you think that he just needs time to heal from school and losing his job and then I could start taking these steps to get him back? When we broke up and several times while we are texting he mentioned that he wants us to stay friends and if things change then we may try again in the future. He’s also already gotten upset because I wouldn’t let him comfort me while I was crying about us breaking up. He wanted me to run to him when I ran to another friend. He got jealous when I didn’t go to him. So do you think that I need to wait that 30 days or if I need to wait longer so that he can fix the rest of his life?

  13. Cindy

    August 29, 2015 at 10:16 pm

    My boyfriend moved out twice in one month and both times he left and sent me a text letting me know that he left. He didn’t say goodbye to my kids twice now and they are also hurt. He says he hates the town I li e in and moved back to his town which is almost 2 hours away but says we can remain together just not live together right now. I don’t want to go backwards…. I love him very much and I feel so sad and hurt. I want him back but I feel like he doesn’t love me and that I love him more than he did love me if he ever did…

  14. Jessica

    August 29, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m going to keep this as short and ‘sweet’ as possible. I got my ex boyfriend to agree to a meetup. We didn’t have solid plans, but HE suggested that maybe we could meet the upcoming week on his day off. I gave him space after he agreed to meet up. I texted him 2 days before his day off work and asked if 2pm on his day off sounded good to him. I didn’t get a response. I called him the next day, no answer. His voicemail was full, so I texted him and said that I was just calling to see if we were on for the next day, and I let him know his voicemail was full (his clients call his phone, so I thought it would be nice for him to know). Thursday comes and I get a text from him saying “I wasn’t trying to ignore you, I should have messaged you back. But I’ve had the longest week and a half of my life.” I’m sure he’s been busy, but he’s not busy enough to get on Facebook and Instagram! No one is too busy to send a quick text saying that this week isn’t good for them.. Anyways, I texted him back and got no response. I sent a text the next day planting a good memory in his mind and told him I hope he’s having a better day. If he agreed to meet up, why is he ignoring me now?

  15. Anindita

    August 29, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    I had a five years relation with my boyfriend.he was a nice guy.but he was very possesive about me and he used foul words a lot.we used to quarrel a lot but we loved each other also..one day,a guy exploited me and i broke up with my ex,telling him that im in love with that guy,the truth was that i was blackmailed by that dog.my ex cried a lot but ultimately he moved on.after lots of struggle,I was able to throw that guy out of my life.i really loved my ex a lot,still love him very much.it is nearly two years that we broke up.still i couldnot forget him.when i requested him to come back,he said that he hates me for what i have done with him.he thinks that i loved that guy and ditched him for that reason,while the truth is completly different.there is a lot of missunderstanding between us.i tried to solve this but he is determined that he will not give me any second chance.i really love him,cant think my life without him.please suggest what should I do

  16. Lisa

    August 29, 2015 at 2:27 am

    Hi my ex boyfriend just broke up with me and said he just wanted to be friends. I’ve been following your tutorial and I am doing the no contact right now. The only problem I face though is I am in college and my ex boyfriend is in the same class as me. I would like to know what to do in that situation.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Be nice but don’t talk to him. If he talks to you keep it short.

  17. Mina

    August 29, 2015 at 1:49 am

    Chris. Thank you for the advice. This is honestly the first advice that not only I needed to hear, but am glad to have gained it in timely matter. It’s hard telling my friends and family, because they are usually so quick to say “forget about him” or “move on”. Etc. but really, Before I spend a lot of my days really sad, and confused, perhaps irrational, I’m glad I read this. My boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to end things. Everything seemed to be going so well, and we are the best of friends, but we had a huge fight, so he decided to call things off. He says He is currently not happy, and he’s stressed all the time. It left me broken for while, I didn’t understand, and didn’t want to understanding. He says he still loves me and hopes we can be friends down the road. So I’m going to listen to your advice and give myself and him what we need during the time apart. Thanks again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2015 at 3:34 pm

      Yeah those responses are the easy way out for friends and family, just “move on” or “forget about him” but it’s not so realistic. I’m glad you read the post too! There are several others on here that would be great for your situation too. Make sure when you do no contact you don’t tell him your going to do it. He doesn’t deserve an explanation or warning, he’s the one that broke up with you. A lot of women forget that. Also NC is most effective when its done cold turkey. 🙂 Please let me know if you need any help along the way and keep me posted! I think your situation will turn out pretty good.

  18. Ann

    August 27, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    Hi Chris. I’m definitely at wits end. It’s already been 31 days of no contact and he never contacted me back. This is our second time breaking up with me being the initiator. I miss him a lot but it seems like he already made up his mind. What should I do?

  19. Kate

    August 27, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago so i followed the NC for like 29 days … the reason of this broke up is that he thinks that he can find someone better and can do anything as a girlfriend. He thinks that im shy and cant change that habbit. We’ve been dating for like 3 years and he suddenly wants to break up. He told me that someone asked him “Do you stay with her bcz u love her or bcz ut became a habit ?” Since that question he was thinking about it and told me he wants to break up … but i really love him so much he makes me a better person 🙁 . During the NC he texted me almost everyday asking about me and 2 days ago he texted that he doesnt want to deal with me anymore and he wants me to forget him and to forget that i have a chance of beeing with him in a relationship but he wants to be friends (i didnt reply bcz i was in a NC) What should i say after that ? Do i act like he didnt say that ??. Do you think that i have a chance ?? Chris i really love him and i want him backk… what should i do after the NC ? .. im afraid of rejection ..

    1. Kate

      September 5, 2015 at 11:01 pm

      Ok so i talked to him and he said that he earns explination of why im ignoring him. I said that i want to move on (i dont, i want him back! )so he replied sadly that he was really hurt that i ignored him for a whole month… though he said that “for ur next breakup i recommend you to leave an explanation before dissapearing.. we ended the conversation in good terms he said “u looked really beautiful today tho.take care of urself .. see you at school, bye ♡ ” So after that conversation i waited 3 days then i texted him a memory (step 2 of the exboyfriend recovery) and he actually laughed and said something funny about it (thats a good sign no ? .. ) and now what should i do nextt ?? (We’re in the same class, the school starts in 2 days)

    2. Kate

      September 5, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      Ok so i talked to him and he said that he earns explination of why im ignoring him. I said that i want to move on (i dont, i want him back! )so he replied sadly that he was really hurt that i ignored him for a whole month… though he said that “for ur next breakup i recommend you to leave an explanation before dissapearing.. we ended the conversation in good terms he said “u looked really beautiful today tho.take care of urself .. see you at school, bye ♡ ” So after that conversation i waited 3 days then i texted him a memory (step 2 of the exboyfriend recovery) and he actually laughed and said something funny about it (thats a good sign no ? .. ) and now what should i do nextt ?? (We’re in the same class, the school starts in 2 days)

    3. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:18 am

      Wait another week after he said to forget him etc. Did he ask you back out at all during those texts? If he was trying to get back with you and that’s your goal you can break no contact. But he has to specifically say he made a mistake and wants to get back in the relationship.

  20. Riss

    August 27, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    Hey Chris, really in a stump here I have been reading and listening to your podcasts the pat few days & realizing I really messed up with wanting to get my ex boyfriend back of 7 years.

    I’ll start off with this I went home on vacation for 2 weeks, everything ( so I thought ) was great. We were talking about the future, buying a house within the next year, every time he seen a baby or kids he would say I can’t wait to have one someday. He is the love of my life. I was receiving miss you texts, your the best girlfriend, calls every day while I was home to talk about our day. One evening he tells me how his good friend and girlfriend had broken up, told me why, life’s to short, he just wasent happy blah blah blah. So I proceeded with asking I hope your happy & his response being “of course I am babe, I love you.” Everything was fine then a couple days later I noticed him
    Being short through texts, and not really keeping in much contact with me. And I asked him if he was ok since his grandfather had passed away I assumed he was just upset, he said he was thinking a lot about “life” Then I woke up one morning to I think we should have a serious talk. The talk ended with him breaking up with me ( and riddled off everything he told me his friend had said ) it was like he was telling me the story over pretty much. To top it all off, he had bought an engagement ring and had called my father 3 days before all this happened to ask permission to Marry me!!! Seriously. 7 years, broke up with me via txt while I’m on the other side of the country. He thought t would be better if I was with family during such a hard time. He says he cares for me but is not “in love” anymore. That he feels he never got the chance t be himself because he went from living at home to having a girlfriend, he would say that feeling Isn’t there anymore like it was at the beginning & he’s been feeling like this for a year it wasent an over night decision. Just before I left we had a road trip together and he wanted to look at this truck and i didn’t agree with it but it’s his decisions what he does with his money that he works very hard for, he said well it’s not my truck it would be our truck. Everything inside me got butterfly’s when he said it I loved talking about our future & having things together. The trip went great, we had such a good time.

    So I get back home, he moved in with this friend that previously broke up with his girlfriend as well. I begged, texted, spilled my heart to him. I left here with the understanding we were in a great position minus a few flaws with myself, I’ll admit I was in a bad state of mind not loving myself witch led to
    Me being a miserable person to be around.
    Last week things seemed really good. I was not contacting him as much he would call me, but usually only if he needed me to do something for him. But he would always txt and make sure I was ok, he would ask if I was ok financially & if I needed any help to let him know he will help me. Here’s where I messed up big time, I went over to drop something off & even though he didn’t want to have sex, we had sex. The next day I receive the txt saying, that was the last time that will happen “name” this is done I’m serious it’s over. i apologized and said I’m sorry for not respecting him and didn’t say anything more.

    Today is day 2 of the no contact rule, it hurts but listening to your podcasts is helping remind me DONT DO IT as much as I want to. I wanted that moment with him, he had even told
    His own parents who I am extremely close to how he was going to purpose & they said he was very excited about it. I’m so lost & confused.

    I need your help, what do you think I should do & do you think I have a chance to get him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:13 am

      How did you end up having sex if he didn’t want to? You should only have sex with your ex if your back together in an exclusive relationship. You will have to go into no contact for a little bit.

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