The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Amanda

September 13, 2015 at 10:04 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me last week, but I definitely was not expecting it. We had been going out for around 11 months and due to work and relocations we both ended up moving into together as it made total sense at the time. We lived together for around 2 months. I felt we had a good relationship we were really similar and were into the same things and although be bickered a little, we never had any major arguments. The weekend prior to the break up we gone shopping, gym, breakfast so there was no indication of him being distant. He had briefly spoke about his religion and mentioned that it goes against his faith if we were living together unmarried, however he didn’t make a big deal out of it, so I didn’t think anything of it. Around a week later I was speaking very generally to him about his job as he had said he wasn’t enjoying it and then he said that he would have to move out of the flat, I was shocked and upset as he hadn’t really discussed this is great detail before. He said that it wouldn’t affect us and that we would still be together. I cried and he cried about the whole situation. The next day was fairly heated as he then can and asked me to look at a new flat with him. The situation escalated and he left in the middle of the night and stayed at a friends. When I text him in the morning, he said that he just needed some space. That evening he then deciding to come and meet me and said that he knew that I felt more for him and that he didn’t love me.

After being completely devastated I said I would come and pack my stuff from the flat, we still had small amounts of contact after this and I miss him terribly. He said that he was really sorry, cared about me a lot and that he missed me. He also said that everything was good but I did not connect with him spiritually which is why he decided to end the relationship.

All of this happened over a week, but I felt like the decision that he made was very rash and there were no indications of this happening. As from yesterday I have started the NC rule to see what happens, but as things are to do with spiritually I don’t know whether to pursue him or let him be?

Thanks
Amanda

M

September 11, 2015 at 5:53 pm

Chris,

My boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me during our first week back at college (we’re juniors). Two of my roommates date two of his housemates, so it’s been really difficult. The first night, I got really drunk and made the stupid decision to just show up at his house. I was intercepted before I saw him, but he knows that I was there and that is enough damage.

I contacted him once after than incident and he said that he didn’t think that talking right now would be productive, though he says he wants to “stay friends.” I’m going no contact now, but it’s hard because all my friends go hang out at their house and I can’t go anymore.

The initial breakup happened after spending almost the entire summer apart. He has really been struggling with school and pressure from his parents, as well as worry about whether or not his grades are high enough for his future plans. When we broke up, he told me that he was really sorry, but that he’s been unhappy for a really long time and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. He said that he didn’t know if it was the relationship that was making his life so horrible but he just “had to try” something. He said he has been waiting to feel better for a long time but nothing was getting better for him.

I have a mild anxiety disorder, which I think in hindsight caused me to put a lot of pressure on him to spend a lot of time with me, which of course caused tension between his schoolwork and our relationship, which obviously was not helpful for his mental health or mine. I never talked to him about my anxiety because I was embarrassed/ in denial/ whatever.

I plan to spend my no-contact month working on myself and dealing with my anxiety so that we can start a new relationship in which we communicate about our mental health and can support each other without driving each other off the deep end. I really love him and I think he loves me too, we just both need to work on ourselves before either of us is in the state that we could sustain a healthy relationship with anybody.

It’s just really hard right now because our social circles are so intertwined. Do you think we have a chance?

bee

September 11, 2015 at 2:27 pm

Hi chris,
I broke up with my bf last month. We were in LDR for 4 years and we live in different continents. He promises to settle down with me but he broke promisea number of time till i loose counting. He always promise saying this month that month, early this year that year, mid of this year, end of that year. When the time comes he always ask me to wait for him over and over again and it hurts me so much. He said he love me so much and don wanna loose me. He is sweet and nice guy and we had sweet history relation together. I really love him and never want to loose him either but i am so tired. I can never hurt him the way he hurts me. I am in 20 days NC so does NC works for my case since i am the onw who broke up with him. Pls help.

Crystal

September 10, 2015 at 6:15 pm

I need help getting my exfiance back I’m currently 7 1/2 months pregnant n we still live together bc I cannot afford bills due to pregnancy. He sleeps n my son room n I tried to make it work for a week afterwards n then he got a new gf. He says he just doesn’t love me as much as I love him.

Karin

September 10, 2015 at 6:33 am

Hey!
I’ve read through the whole article and it does give me hope. I’m not sure though that this applies to us. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years and he just recently broke up with me (a couple of day ago). I really thought he was the one, that we were the ones who was gonna last forever and as seen from my perspective he loved me unconditionally, and he was the nicest person you could think of. So as I said, he broke up with me a couple of days ago in person, my first reaction was to break down and cry infront of him, and he comforted me. I tried to beg him to get to together with me again, that I could change. He had different reasons, the first he mentioned was that we were so different, the second that he wasn’t sure he had the same feelings for me as before, and the third that he needed time alone.
It is pretty complicated because I’ve been living at home with him and his parents for about a month and we’ve been planning to move out to a apartment together. For the majority of the 3 years we’ve been together we had been just seeing eachother on the weekends because we lived an hour away from eachother. This recent month was the first time we actually was with eachother almost everyday. This tuesday he contacted me and said we had to meet up, and I tought it was weird because he was working and I was an hour away, visiting my parents. He explained to me, and my whole world turned upside down, I didn’t see it coming at all.
After talking for 1,5 hours he drove home again and I cried my heart out. I couldn’t believe it, I still can’t. That tuesday night I contacted him asking if he would agree to skype with me to hold me company, he agreed, but I think it’s just becasue he’s such a nice person. He saw me cry, he saw me as desperate as I had been when he did broke up. Wednesday morning I texted him if we could just call it a paus, that we could take break. He resisted at first but then agreed that we could call it that, again I think he just did this to be nice to me.
I have been trying to pick myself up, and the only thought that calms me is that we just call this a paus and that there might be a future for us. I want him back, badly. As I said, I’ve read your article, and I feel pretty confident. But don’t know if this could apply to my situation. Was it a bad decision to make him call this a paus?
He is the one, I know that, and I thought he felt the same about me, and I think he did, but something changed. Was he afraid to move in with me after spending about a month with me?
We’ve been together for 3 years and I can’t think that he would just throw it away this easily?
Would appreciate a respons. (I’m from Sweden so I’m sorry if my english is a little bad)
Ps. if it does make any change in your respons, this was our the first serious relationship we both had, we didn’t have any other experience with this matter before.

Katherine

September 10, 2015 at 3:54 am

Hey Chris,
My situation is a bit complicated. My ex and I were never in a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We were on the verge of this after hanging out with each other for SIX MONTHS and telling each other the big I love you, but we had a fight that put all this to a stop. I just want to go back to being friends with my ex and hanging out casually. He is afraid hanging out is a trap for a date and doesn’t want a relationship right now. It’s very awkward when we see each other at parties. Any advice? Do you think I have a chance at getting this guy to fall back in love with me again?

Maryanne

September 9, 2015 at 6:32 pm

Hi Chris
I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months, everything was going very well, and we agreed to be exclusive, but not boyfriend/girlfriend title. We were meeting 3-4 times per week. Recently he went on vacation to visit his family abroad, and during his vacation he emailed me and told me he thinks relationship is not right for us at this time, and better be friends. He said he likes me alot. I emailed him back and said there’s no need to rush into relationship, and he told me everyone is different, maybe sometimes the click is just not there. But in the beginning of the relationship, he told me that we had chemistry, and he said if a guy really try, he can create chemistry. I don’t know what happened. Is there any chance in my situation in getting him back? Thank you.

Trinny

September 9, 2015 at 1:10 pm

Hi Chris
My ex of 1 year finished with me 3 weeks ago for the only reason of he didn’t feel the same anymore and I felt I was doing things to please him. The complication is we had a holiday booked and both agreed to go as friends. This is happening next week!
Since the breakup we had a week of no contact and then he began initiating text chats which are sometimes flirty or relate to our sex life. I do want him back badly but I’m so confused over what he actually wants.
How do I handle the texting and holiday? My plan is to go with the flow to avoid awkwardness and talk properly when we are away together.

Sian

September 9, 2015 at 12:53 pm

Quick Question…

What happens if yo accidentally bump into your ex after NC, but before you feel at the stage to meet face to face? And if it is impossible to ignore him (e.g you’ve both seen each other?)

Thanks

Debbie

September 8, 2015 at 5:39 am

I broke up with my LD BF about 2 months ago. Reason was I caught him lying and speaking with other women. He also never called me in 6 months, and left 7 months in between visits. Tried to be open with the guy about what was going on. But he never gave me straight answers. I never knew anything about the people in his life. I never met his family either. To me this was just a texting FWB relationship. I want a committed relationship not just a sexual one. He also always left me in the dark. Coupled with the fact he was a lier and not making any effort, I decided to end it.

Since then I made no contact and neither has he. I started dating someone else but I just don’t feel as strong about the new guy. I still love the old BF and was hoping he would contact me but never did. It sounds like he has moved on.

I did contact him recently and he was friendly and talkative. He said write anytime if you want. This did not sound enthusiastic. Should I bother with the NC rule in this case? Based on his rather uninterested tone, am I wasting my time?

Sarah

September 8, 2015 at 3:59 am

Hi Chris:

I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago, and I’m currently on Day 12 of NC. I heard from a mutual friend of ours that my ex thinks I hate him and is probably talking smack about him behind his back. According to my friend, he also gets very impatient and downright pissed at my friend whenever he brings me up in a conversation.

What does all this mean for me? Are these good or bad signs? I’m keeping NC strong though!

Melanie

September 6, 2015 at 10:33 pm

Chris, after reading all your articles I feel so empowered–and then this happened. My ex, who goes to my school, recently told me he wants to transfer to a different school for senior year. I’m so panicky! I was counting on getting him back this year (he lost feelings for me so he dumped me 3 weeks ago) and I still love him so much. What should I do? When I heard the news it crushed me.

Grace

September 6, 2015 at 8:18 pm

So this is a little long but a tiny bit of advice would be great. We dated for 2 years and than we broke up essentially because I didn’t want to be in the relationship any longer and so I started stupid fights led to our breakup, the summer after that first break up we got back together and than of course when I went back to school I changed my mind again and broke up with him again. During that breakup he said he would never go through again so I had to be sure, I said I was sure and everything was fine for 6 months, during the time I dated a few really great guys who I never felt anything for and really matured which is something that really needed to happen for me. I saw him at the end of this 6 month period but it was essentially just a booty call because I was leaving the state for the summer but now I am back in the state and am finally at an emotional place where I realize that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, I was just too young and immature at the time to give him the commitment he wanted. This past summer we had been sending somewhat flirty but very occasional texts while I was home. Now I am back at school and in the state where he is from and where we met, a few weeks ago he called me drunk and basically spilled his heart about all he wanted was me next to him and he can’t be happy with other girls and its all my fault. The next day we talked about the call and he didn’t remember anything but just kinda laughed it off when I talked about it, we texted briefly after and now he is completely ignoring me, we haven’t talked in two weeks and he has ignored my last 2 messages( which I can say were a little desperate and embarrassing on my part oops) . We have now technically been broken up for a year and a half and he is in medical school an hour away from where I go to college, is hope lost do you think?

Katie

September 6, 2015 at 5:30 pm

Hey Chris!
Thanks for your website. My ex and I were together for a few months, all long distance. I think we were generally happy when we were physically together, but we started fighting a lot online because of various communication issues. We were on and off a lot, and this time when we broke up he said he is done and has been giving up for a while. We had a heartfelt conversation a week or so afterwards, and he said he just doesn’t think that we were meant to be together, that he’d like to remain friends, etc. He is trying to move on as best as he can, so he suggested not being close for now so we can stop being so attached to each other. I’m scared that he will completely move on if I don’t respond to him at all, but on the other hand I don’t see any hope left because he has repeatedly told me that he doesn’t want to be together, that he’s done, and that he doesn’t want to give me false hope. I understand that, but I still think that we had something special together, that if we can only get over the communication issues we can be happy together (although still very long distance with no immediate chance to be closer). Should I give up and just try to be a good friend?

Kate

September 5, 2015 at 11:30 pm

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me bcz he thinks that he can find someone better (as a better personnality) because i cant do everything and he said that our love cant be real and that i need to forget him and move on and forget that i have a chance with him .. I have accomplished NC, during the NC he kept texting me but i didnt reply like u said so now i contacted him after a month and he said that he deservs explination… i told him that i want to move on (i dont, i want him back badly! ) so he said “it was hurtfull the way u ignored me …” and the conversation ended well he said at the end “you looked beautiful in this outfit today. Take care of you … see you at school, bye ♡” ( thats a good sign no ? …) So after 3 days of this conversation i texted him a memory (step 2 of the exboyfriend recovery) and he actually laughed and said something funny about it. (I ended it short as u said … oh no wait .. i think he controlled this conversation not me … at the end i said “yeah hahaha” and he didnt say anything after that .. (bad sign ? ..) Anyway, what should i do next ?? I want him back .. i miss him so muchh …. 🙁

Kate

September 5, 2015 at 11:28 pm

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me bcz he thinks that he can find someone better (as a better personnality) because i cant do everything and he said that our love cant be real and that i need to forget him and move on and forget that i have a chance with him .. I have accomplished NC, during the NC he kept texting me but i didnt reply like u said so now i contacted him after a month and he said that he deservs explination… i told him that i want to move on (i dont, i want him back badly! ) so he said “it was hurtfull the way u ignored me …” and the conversation ended well he said at the end “you looked beautiful in this outfit today. Take care of you … see you at school, bye ♡” ( thats a good sign no ? …) So after 3 days of this conversation i texted him a memory (step 2 of the exboyfriend recovery) and he actually laughed and said something funny about it. (I ended it short as u said … oh no wait .. i think he controlled this conversation not me … at the end i said “yeah hahaha” and he didnt say anything after that .. (bad sign ? ..) Anyway, what should i do next ?? I want him back .. i miss him so muchh …. 🙁

Lina

September 5, 2015 at 10:25 pm

Hi Chris,
My bf and I were dating for over a year, and it was a really amazing relationship. Then we ended up going to different universities about 2 hours away from each other so we agreed to break up for a bit to settle into our new lives, despite that we still talked a lot and had obvious strong feelings for each other. Then I told him I had a fling with someone else at uni a few months after the break up, it wasn’t serious and was well after the break up and didn’t last long but I knew it really hurt him and he hated me for it and stopped talking to me for a while. About a month later he started dating his best friend at uni who he really loves and is serious with. Despite this, he still had recent, fleeting thoughts about getting back together with me and breaking up with this new girl. I kind of blew it with my desperate nagging and crying and he ended up blocking me from his phone and now he chose to stay with this new girl and has blocked me from his phone. I’m sad and I miss him and love him and want him back but I don’t even know if that’s possible- can you help me?

Tessie

September 5, 2015 at 1:56 pm

I just want to know if I still have any hope left, if I should still bother. I was with someone for not even a year but there was a cycle of break ups due to mostly stupid fights. I know we still have feelings for each other and he said that we are usually happy when we’re together, but due to the long distance and communication problems, he just gave up. Now he’s keeping himself busy and is trying to move on. I am giving him space for now regardless, but should I still try to get him back?

Chance

September 4, 2015 at 11:51 am

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me about 1.5 months ago. He’s 23 and I’m 20. He quickly jumped into a relationship with another girl and is currently in a city far away. I’ll make this as short as possible. (This is important) it started out friendly.., he was sick of being in my hometown and I told him its ok if he leaves for a bit but he didn’t want to. Then we got into a huge fight for a few days. and he left, with his best friend and a girl. He said he’d be back & said he loves me…then broke up with me 2 days later because I was mad at the girl he left with. She called me a psycho for what I said and he dumped me. 3 weeks later, I find out thru a friend that the girl & him started dating day 1 after they left. Although, 2 weeks after he left he randomly contacted me saying he misses me! Then more silence. I never begged but I did get spiteful a few different times. Calling him the ugliest soul I’ve ever met (for breaking up with me over text AFTER he left with her to a different city) and calling his new gf a whore (for sleeping with 2 people he’s friends with. One after the other, & now him). I wrote a message I want to send him and I’m hoping it sounds good enough to send.

Does this sound friendly enough to ease back into his life? It’s from the heart & I still love him

Going to church today made me open up my heart once again. I re-discovered the meaning of forgiveness. I know I messaged you things that expressed how unhappy I was with your decision. I was extremely confused as to how you can have feelings for anyone else. And I even dwelled on the fact that I was always your support and was there for you through thick&thin…. But Then I stopped.. and started putting my feelings aside and realized that All I wanted from the beginning was for you to be happy. but truth is, I have issues that need to be tackled before I try again to be in a relationship with someone. Im done hurting myself and hurting others. I’m not trying to get in the way of anything you’re trying to do, I support you 100% and just want you to be happy. I miss just being around you and little rizzo (Dog) . when we broke up, I was thinking about things, and I wasn’t just upset about losing the relationship, I just didn’t want the friendship to end too. I want to fix things between us and I know we can’t be bestfriends right away, but I at least want to build up to that again

Sam

September 4, 2015 at 7:39 am

Hi Chris,
Firstly your website is amazing and I can see you get a million of these messages sent to you but I do hope you can respond. having read all these comments from these poor ladies, It’s sort of nice knowing I’m not going through this alone and many women all over the world are experiencing this, which gives me hope that maybe my relationship may be rekindled. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a week ago today. We were staying together for 2 weeks on a sort of trial basis, we had a fight regarding money and he felt betrayed about something i didn’t share with him, and instead of being mature and talking to him about it, i screwed up and got very defensive and childish. so he got his stuff and moved back to his parent’s place saying he needed a break from me. a few days into the break I messed up and called him, he didn’t pick up.. i left a really needy voicemail message that would make anyone cringe, It was the final nail in the coffin. He came over the next morning and ended it saying that he loved me and still wanted to remain friends, but didnt see a future with me as his partner. I completely fell apart. Just 5 days before this (day of the fight) he had called me his soulmate and best friend).

The next few days were hell and I didn’t hear from him, however I have tickets to see a concert with his mum this coming sunday so i Called their house (she doesn’t have a mobile) and he answered and all he did was talk about how hard all of this was for him and that he missed me and he was sorry… however still stated that he stood by what he said. Anyway, she asked if he could drive us to the concert, which he agreed to so now I’m definitely seeing him in a few days. I’m going to do my best to not discuss anything with her because I don’t think it’s right using his mum in that way or making her have to mediate, however if she brings it up, I think my best option is to keep things as light as possible. He came over yesterday to drop some stuff off and we ended up having a long chat in which he just looked really awkward and clearly wanted to escape. He kept re-iterating that he wants me to always be a part of his life and that he loved me. We hugged and I committed cardinal sin number 7 by this point by leaning in for a kiss. He moved away but then he moved in and gave me a small peck on the lips, which he said I shouldn’t read into. As he left he kept stopping like he was trying to say something but couldn’t, then he eventually got in his car and drove off. I sent him a message thanking him for the chat and said I hope we could still be friends in the future. I DONT KNOW WHY I DID THAT! I don’t want to be just friends, and the thought of this being the end is absolutely killing me. I saw my whole future with him and it made me so happy. I thought we were on the same page. He hasn’t replied to the message, and I’m stuck in limbo.

Also Quick note, it’s wedding season with a large amount of friends in our circle getting married or throwing engagement parties and weddings which we have both RSVP’d to months ago. Now that we’re not together he asked me if we could still go together, but just as friends. I don’t get where he is coming from. I know sometimes he tries to be too nice and ends up doing more harm than good but part of me hopes that being at these events, him seeing me happy and enjoying life might rekindle something, is this over? Should I just move on? I have never felt more lost in my life.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”