The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

F

October 3, 2015 at 2:58 pm

Hi Chris,
I don’t know if you’ll have the time to reply but I’m hoping at least posting this will help me feel better. My long distance boyfriend of 14 months broke up with me a week ago. We had been arguing about things the week prior but we really tried to resolve it. I noticed he was acting strange the day before we broke up but he told me he was fine and he loved me. So the next day we broke up. It came as a pretty big shock, especially his reason because I thought we had a pretty open channel for communication. He said the distance(about a 6 hour drive we make about once or twice a month) had really been getting to him and missing me and the relationship we have when we are together had made him very sad and depressed which caused him to lose focus at school and work. I was very upset and basically just said Goodbye because I feel like he gave up. But he said That’s it? You don’t even want to try to be friends and see if we can work this out in the future when we are together again? That really hurt because to me, even with the distance, wouldn’t he want to stay together until we are finally living in the same area? I am currently at school and will be graduating next fall. He has told me time and again, I will wait forever for you. We have even talked about marriage and our future after we graduate. I understand it’s not being selfish to put ones own happiness above another’s, especially if it is effecting other areas of their life. It’s been a week and I guess we are in the no contact phase. But I feel our situation is different since it is long distance. I am going home next weekend and had previously told him I would be there and would like to talk. Do you think that, as long as we remain in NC until then, because of our long distance situation, we can still meet if he so chooses? I have resolved to not contact him at all when I get home but to wait for his response then. I guess whatever happens remains to be seen. Thanks Chris!

F

October 6, 2015 at 1:32 pm

Yes, Chris, I have read it. We were the “Internet to in real life” relationship. We met online and decided we liked eachother enough to go out, so we did, again and again. For most of the year, we avoided some heavy talks and arguments but as we got comfortable we had to be honest about a few things but never anything we couldn’t agree upon and move on happily. So that’s why, after one of our first really arguments about communication, he breaks us up saying “we usually never argue”. Which in my mind, yes is true, but our first argument and you’re going to quit on me? That just makes me so sad. I think I would say his biggest issues are the Headwind #1&2, which is one of the things he said when we were breaking up.
Anyways, yes I read the article and we are on Day 13 of NC. I have been working on myself during this time. I’ve lost a lot of weight from no appetite and using my extra time to workout. I’ve even gone out with my friends twice in the last week and posted a few good(not trashy) pictures of myself and is having fun. I know he has seen them. He doesn’t really have a wide friend base like me, so he has his routine things. But he’s been posting a LOT of random things on FB, which is not usual and I’m guessing him doing that is taking the place of talking to me basically.
But I’m guessing, since you even mention it in the LDR article, that I should NOT see him when I go home this weekend. That would mean NC ends around Halloween and then I can start with the steps you have listed. Is this correct?
I just really want us to end on good terms whether or not we get back together. And right now, there’s just a gaping hole left with so many unanswered questions and loose ends.
Chris Seiter

October 6, 2015 at 4:11 am

Have you read my LDR article?

DZee

October 2, 2015 at 7:17 am

Well….I have been dating this guy for two months and we broke up after a little misunderstanding. I can remember at this time I was so mad and blocked his con acts and it took him four days to contact me. When he did..he was so furious and I was still mad at him too. He should have atleast apologised first. It went on like this for quite some time and I hadnt read through this forum so I broke the no contact rule. I however knew so well I shouldn’t have even done that in the first place. We made up…but it was only short lived because after a while things went from worse to worst. Devastating moments downed in me. I miss him..I tried no contact. I reached him after one month of silence and I made it clear that I was just reaching out well fix the bridges have burnt in the past. His response want so good. I don’t think I can push further. I bet I will live with the fact that it was never made to be. God knows I have tried my part as a woman. I just wonder if he ever thinks of those moments we shared. The moments I went and stayed with uim in the hospital…did a few stuff together. These things bit me. They brought me so close to him and they’re moments I miss most
A

October 2, 2015 at 12:11 am

Hi Chris,

I hope you can help me. I was dating someone for 7 months. Everything was great. We went on our first overnight away. He bought me a bracelet and gift for my daughter. Called me everyday for the next 5 days. Labor Day weekend was approaching and for the first time he did not mention getting together. I then got ill. He checked on me periodically, but did not offer to help or ask to see me. By that Monday, I texted him and the conversation was fine. But, I said that I missed him. He did not reciprocate. I said it was hilarious that he ignored that text and had not wanted to see me all weekend. So there was my answer. I panicked after sending that and tried to call. He did not answer. I texted 3 days later saying it was a good time to talk since my daughter was sleeping. He responded, ‘Mopping’. I said after? I would be up awhile. No response. I called. He didn’t answer. I texted that I didn’t understand why he wasn’t answering or responding and that it was hurtful and as he would say ‘interesting’. He responded finally, ‘Because I’m cleaning my house, drama!’ I started no contact then and there. It’s been 21 days. My questions are – can I start my initial text now at 21 days or since I have not had any attempts of contact by him do I extend it to 30? Also, do you think he could have taken what I said about ‘there’s my answer’ as me breaking it off? Thank you.
Cindy

September 30, 2015 at 5:51 pm

I have dated my boyfriend for 1 year. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I have a 17 year old son. He didn’t really know my boyfriend very well early on my lease was up and I needed to move. He wanted me to move in with him. I said no because my son didn’t know him that well, and I didn’t want to put my son in that position. I ended up renting the house behind him. We share the same backyard fence. We started arguing about my son, like I said he is 17 going to be 18 and is being a little rebellions. My boyfriend started talking bad about my son, and family members. We got into a big fight and I broke it off. Last week I saw him at a place we both frequent with another girl. I acted like I didn’t see him. That night I drove by the house and her car was in the drive way. I cried and cried, but I never called him or went to his house. The following day he was going to bring me some items I left there. He came in the morning and dropped them off. I said thank you and for him to have a good day. He wished me the same. I’m now starting the no contact rule. He always said that if we broke up that he would date whoever he could to get over me. I guess he wasn’t kidding. It still hurts and I hate that I live behind him. What should I do?
C

September 30, 2015 at 1:10 pm

Hi Chris!
I’m a 28 year old in love with a guy of 23. Our story is really complicated to most strangers eyes.
We met each other in our past workplace in Brussels while he was interning. As an expat kid, it was difficult to keep friends and relationships I loved and cared about. So only after 2 months of dating, I decided to make the move to my 14th destination to continue our relationship where he is currently studying his last semester in Bordeaux. About a week as to when I was here, I freaked out about the whole thing – as it was the biggest step I have ever done for someone. I was not happy and after a week of him neglecting and fighting with me, he decided to leave me.
We are currently seeing each other. Most of the face to face time together is great. He sometimes sends me cute messages with babe, lou, ma petite, etc talking to me as if I was still his gf. When we are apart, things are more difficult. We seem to still fight for the little things that happened in the past and that we shouldn’t even be facing today. Before yesterday, when I asked him why we couldn’t meet up on thursday (tmw), he rudely replied with the sarcastic question – are we dating?! Yesterday, we spent the night together in a very awkward position – me arguing with him while he kept on treating me like he doesn’t care.
I’m confused and in the edge of loosing the first guy I care about in over 10 years. I don’t want to loose him and I know this is just a nasty step we are facing. He is done with his semester and is currently looking for a new internship for the end of the year (no destination found yet ) – which leaves me little time to figure this out.
Could you please help me? Thank you !

C

October 3, 2015 at 3:09 pm

Hi Chris.

Thank you for your quick response !

I have just started doing the NC rule today. But how long do you think I should wait? I feel a month waiting for a month will be a dead sentence to our relationship and also a saviour (if I had more time).

He angrily agreed to meet me on Wednesday. Im not sure if I should go.

Thank you !
Chris Seiter

October 6, 2015 at 4:11 am

The lowest I can recommend is 21 days.
Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 5:54 pm

Ok, my first question to you is,

Are you doing NC?

Ruby

September 29, 2015 at 5:39 pm

Hi Chris,

I never thought I’d be commenting and asking for advice on a forum, but, here goes. You seem really insightful. My relationship of 1 year 3 months ended 3 weeks ago. We rarely fought and had a lot of passion, took trips, met each other’s friends and family, etc. He had just borrowed my dad’s cooler to go camping, we were making plans for future trips, camping, etc. I had noticed he was pulling away some, taking me for granted, would get upset with me and threaten to end it, and then he’d be fine and we’d continue. The threatening to end it was really bothering me, because I felt that as soon as I wanted to talk or we had an issue, that’s where he would go.
I finally had it, you know? I knew I couldn’t deal with his hot/cold behavior much longer, though I did think we could have worked on it, instead of just ending it. Anyway, after a fight, he ended it. He said he hadn’t been happy for 3 weeks (3 weeks?!) and that he was immature and knew it, that he needed space, that he needed to work on himself. I kind of freaked out but accepted it, and then that night I deleted him from social media.
A week later, he texted in the morning, saying, “I know you deleted me from fb so I figured you didn’t want to even talk, but I hope you’re doing okay.” I responded a few hours later saying of course I wanted to talk. Didn’t hear back. A week later, I lost my cool and texted, I told him our dog missed him! I know, it was lame, (we had adopted the dog together, he named her) and he responded with a sad face. I went in and asked if he thought we could talk. He asked, ‘when’, which I took as a good sign. Well, I responded kind of vaguely, (I’m a single mom and had my daughter that day) and didn’t hear back. I had rescinded something like, “soon?” , anyway after not hearing from him I texted the next day, saying when can you talk, and he responded immediately, saying he’d call me that night. …He didn’t. I was pretty devastated, and the next day received a text from him saying, “are you busy”, and I was just too emotionally spent and upset to even respond. It’s been a week, now totaling 3 weeks of breakup. When he ended it, he told me that he needed space, that he didn’t know if he needed two days or two weeks, or etc, that he needed to think and not to wait for him. Then he was the one that reached out in that vague text about being deleted, that made it seem like he wanted to talk, but really, he hasn’t reached out. I’m losing it, I am regretting not talking to him when he texted, at least I might have had some closure. What do you think? I’d really appreciate a response, and and your opinion, as a guy.

Thanks! – Sad ex in Texas

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:03 pm

Sad ex in Texas…

I am originally from Texas. Love it there!

Have you started your NC?

Are you going to do it?

Jean

September 29, 2015 at 4:23 pm

Hi Chris.
I don’t normally reach out for help like this but I don’t know what else to do. My BF broke up with me back in May because I was going through some things and I shut him out. He was not happy in the relationship. Even though we were broken up we still texted almost every day, called each other, and even met up a few times. Once we both got back to college we still stayed in contact and were even starting to engage in a physical relationship again (I know this is was a huge mistake). I thought it meant that he still loved me. Recently there have been rumors about him going out with one of my friends. When I approached him about it I got upset and even told him I was still in love with him. The next day we were to meet up to talk and he cancelled and told me he was working, little did I know that he was out to dinner with my friend. He came over and we got into a deep talk about everything and he walked out. I haven’t heard from him. I’m started the no content period yesterday so I’m only on day two. Im just asking if you see any hope in this relationship? Thank you.

Jean

September 29, 2015 at 4:26 pm

I also want to add that while we were in contact over the summer and even until this happened he would still tell me he cared about me, told me that he missed me and my family, and would always ask if I wanted to hang out or go grab a bite to eat (which most of the times he cancelled last minute). I just don’t know how he feels because it was always his idea to see me or talk to me.

Claire

September 27, 2015 at 8:19 pm

Hi Chris,
Found your website after a google search….and im so glad I did as im very confused!
My ex and I dated for 3 months. He broke up with me, started seeing someone else for a month (nothing was official and they didn’t have sex), we remained friends during this time as I knew I wanted to some how win him back. I just wasn’t sure how. A guy friend told me if I wanted to win him back I should be “aloof” reply to every 6 texts with a short answer, and don’t answer his calls. It worked and after a week he begged me back! 5 massive texts telling me he made a massive mistake, how what he wanted was right in front of him, etc. I told him I didn’t want to discuss it until he had called things off with the other girl, which he did straight away. Then 4 days later he changed his mind (we didn’t meet in this time as we live an hour apart). His reason was right now he didn’t have time for a relationship, he had job and family issues to solve. His reason for begging me back was that he panicked. We met up after all this was said and although things were awkward given everything that’s happened and the fact we hadn’t seen each other since we split 6 weeks ago we had a great time, though he said he didn’t feel a “spark”. So we agreed to cut ties so he could deal with his issues, but left it on a good note.
Things went a little sour after the girl he dumped contacted me on facebook after finding out he had met with me, things were said between her and I (which I regret, but I was mad). I contacted him after with a friendly message but received no reply.
My question is as he has a few issues of his own to sort like getting a new job, and given we agreed to cut ties is 30 days no contact going to be enough? I am already almost 2 weeks into NC.
I would really appreciate your advice, as I now have no idea how to play this especially as I managed to get him back once and then it backfired days later.

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:14 pm

Google has been good to me!

It’s important for you to remember that NC is simply a small part of the overall strategy.

30 days will be enough in my opinion.

Confused

September 27, 2015 at 4:29 pm

Hi Chris,
Thanks for all your resources.
My ex broke up with me about a month ago. I started NC but broke it halfway through because it was my birthday. We’ve been friends for years before we started dating, and since we started talking again, we’ve been chatting a lot and doing the same things as we did before when we were still together. I know he still likes me a lot, but he repeatedly says that he doesn’t want to be together again. I know he’s frustrated by our past fights, and he is dealing with a lot with his personal and professional life right now. We’re also far apart with little chance of being in the same city in the near future (grad students). I’m afraid to start NC again because I don’t want to lose him as a friend and I’d also feel bad for not being supportive when he’s going through so much. Also he’d probably know exactly what I’m doing.
Do you have any advice on how I should proceed from here?
Thank you.
Malish

September 23, 2015 at 5:46 pm

Hi chris. Last year my ex bf broke up with me and i found your article after 2months we broke up (with NC). I then chat him and he reolied very fast. I ended the chat right away as you suggested. After few days chat he asked me to meet and after few dates he said he wanted to get back with me and he regreted his decision for breakup. After almost 2months been together i felt like that was not what i wanted and i left him. So, thanks anyway. It really worked eventho at the end we needed to breakup.
Ok. So after almost a year i dated with this guy and few days ago he dumped me. So we had amazing relationship and we both loved each other. It was the first time i believed i found my true love. We planned for our wedding, we met each other families, we had so many trips, we laughed, everybody knew we had a great relationship and that was what i prayed for. I then moved in with him. We started to argue but it was small problems as he was such a perfectionist type of person. He didnt really explain to me what he wanted me to change/fix but instead keeping it inside and asked advices to his friend. I know this friend didnt really like me because he used to ask my ex to go party with chicks and since we were together he had no friends to go with. 1st of sept was the final. I needed to be in my country and i was being irritating and he said i accused him way too much. He then met this friend and after came back from this friend he suddenly wanted to breakup with me (once i reached home). I tried to hold it on and we eventually decided to try one more time. He constantly chat with this guy and after a week he said he wanted to take a break. I was ok with that but we agreed to take this break as a phase to calm down aka no flirt/hookup/date with other guy/girl. I then moved out from his house and stayed at friends place. I didnt really know what hes doing. He chat me every single day and we even met. When we met we held hands and kissed. I knew he went out with his friends most of the times but i trusted him. I literally tried my hard to save the relationship because i believed in us. After almost 2weeks on break my friend found his profile on tinder and they both even matched! I callled him straight away and asked him to delete it. He said ok. I cried and i didnt know my friend chat him through tinder. She said to him thats hes a coward to hang his gf through break and play with tinder. He replied with alot of bad words and insulted my friend. I couldnt believe he did that as i knew he was not like that. He was never been so rude to ppl. I then blocked him on fb and chat him on skype saying id come tomorrow to pick up my other stuffs. I was shocked when i reached his house it was so hazy and his eyes were puffy. He was with his friend. They both were smoking weed. I know my bf was not like that before. I mean he was a good man but idk why he turned to be like that. I packed my stuffs and asked him to come inside the bed room. I asked him what is he doing on tinder and he simply said having fun. I said but you have a gf dont you rven tink about mr when you play that. He said had not have. O was shocked as i strp closer and asked again what? He said i had a gd before now nomore so can you take your stuffs and go now. I couldnt control myself it hurts me so much and i slapped his face.
Once i reached home i unfriended him in every of my social media.
Its been 4days and im still missing him. I dont contact him at all. Do you think there is possibility to get him back if i do these methods correctly?
Meghan

September 22, 2015 at 7:44 pm

So I recently broke it off with my ex (mutual split between the two) but it’s been about 2 months and I’m starting to think it was a mistake. We broke it off because I was pressuring Him to be more open about how he feels and he just started to give up. Thinking back on it I think that maybe it was me pushing Him away and that even though he didn’t always show me he cared, probably even has trouble showing it because that’s his personality, that they may have cared and that I should have taken that into consideration and dropped the subject when it came to communicating how he feels. We are still in good standing and are even friends that hangout every so often, text and even talk to each other on the phone. Neither of us made the relationship split “Official” on Facebook nor are either of us dating anyone or speaking to anyone (that I know of) The last time that we hung out things seemed to be kind of coupley and people even thought we were dating. He kept referring us as we and us when talking to others when he used to say I and so on. We also had a lapse and slept with each other and it was better than at the end of our relationship and he was more caring and he even made me breakfast in the morning. He texted me a few days after but we haven’t really spoken. I don’t know if it’s in my head because I want it or if maybe he feels a certain way. I want to make his association with me in his head to be a positive one and I don’t know what I can do. Do you think I may have a chance? and if I do how do I even go about getting my ex back? I don’t want to beg or make them feel like they should, I want it to be their idea to come back to me and I don’t want to push the idea and give him space to really think about it. But I don’t know what’s going on in their head nor do I know if there’s even a chance. Help me.
Eli

September 22, 2015 at 7:34 pm

Hey Chris, my ex and I just broke up. Things were great and I pushed him to move forward too soon. He’s always been panicky because he’s never had a serious relationship before me. I really messed up. We want the same future and he’s always been so good to me and my daughter. My problem is we work together side by side. How on earth do I do no contact in this situation? I know it’s important because the fear of moving forward just needs time to settle down. But it’s kind of hard when he’s right there. I don’t want to seem rude or angry by blowing him off.
Veronica

September 22, 2015 at 6:36 am

The one thing that bothers me about this entire method is how it seems only one of the sides keeps making contact. If I’m the only one starting the conversations after the NC period, won’t I come off as needy anyway? I mean, I first noticed things were going bad with my ex when he stopped contacting me on a regular basis.
Taylor

September 22, 2015 at 5:26 am

Hi Chris. I was wondering if you could go more in depth about neutral responses and how to deal with them? I’ve gotten two neutral responses since I enacted my game plan. I feel stuck and not sure which way I should go. I’ve read a lot of your articles and your ebook and the emphasis is on what happens after a good response but not a neutral one. If you have written about it and I’ve missed it could you point me in the right direction? Thank you!
T

September 21, 2015 at 11:57 pm

Hi Chris, i read basically 90% of ALL your guides…. I’m hopless now. I am on day 10 of NC BUT he called me today and it was to hate me because i posted something he thought was against him (he thought i have information on him to ruin his life). I didn’t even thought in the first that it has a link with him. Anw he told me to stop thinking about him or contacting him and that i should move on like he did. He said he was blocking my number so i started asking why it was over and i dont understand why he’s feelings changed like that… his answer is ”MY feelings changed.” and he blocked me. He also said he was a littlte bit sad when we broke up but he got over it. I’m 20 years old I find all this immature I’m sobbing. Only one month ago he was saying that he loves me forever and he begged me not to break up with him. He even said we will be together forever, i think im the first one he thought of like this. Now he says that he never said that…. basically the NC pushed him away more. and he clearly gave me no sign of life in 10 days. Before i blocked him on facebook and instagram i told him how a loser he was with me for so long (1 year we talk 6 months in a relationship) and that he really had the GUTS to call me and blast me all the things he dislikes about my posts (he said there were provocative, and i didn’t do it on purpose really, and that im trying to show I’m happy without him). I asked him if it was impossible he build reattraction he said ”no but I don’t want to. It s just a feeling i feel that we’re not meant to be. face it. ” I should give up right ? .. it would be really nice if you help me please because you can’t be more broken when you lose the one you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with especially when he felt the same once… i wish he hated me he just don’t care about me at all….. i asked him if he didn’t even miss a bit he said ”why should i miss you i got over you. yeah it hurted at the beggining but it’s over”
Lily

September 21, 2015 at 6:33 am

Hi Chris, nice work here. I’m from africa. Yeah I know the no contact rule is usually to get an ex-bf back, but my case is somewhat different. My bf and I are in a partial LDR he is in another continent for his masters but visited once this year after his first year. The thing is that, I feel he is taking me for granted and then since i started reading your posts i realised i did some things wrongly like being too available for his text. He promises to call but he never fulfills them, he would rather give an excuse that he was busy or sleeping meanwhile the timing on his facebook and whatsapp shows he has been active and online. I complained about this then he started getting upset and later admitted that he is sorry for not picking my calls and he sent in a text saying i’m the only one he loves but he never understands why I dont believe him on that. Its 2 weeks now and he hasnt called and yet he keeps been active on social media despite his clais of being to busy for social media. How long do you think I should do the no contact rul? because as it now we are on the verge of breaking up and I really dont wanna lose him. Please reply on this thanks.
MATH

September 20, 2015 at 4:44 am

Hey,

a week ago my boyfriend broke up with me. The same day, he was hugging and kissing me and he told me he loves me. Then, he learned that his grandfather was going to die that same week. He told me he didn’t love me after 14 months of relationship. I just don’t know if I should believe him? May he just told me that because of the situation with his grandpa? We talked a lot this week and he told me he was sure that he did not want to come back with me, I told him to take his time and think about that. He was crying because he knew I was sad and he called me to get some news about me. I love him so so much and I will wait for him if I have too. I am not ready to move on after everything we had together. I just want to know what to do to have the best chances of having him back with me. Thank you so much!
Lisa

September 16, 2015 at 11:55 am

Hi Chris,
I have read your website inside and out and I am strongly debating purchasing your book because the thought of loosing this guy is awful considering I see my entire futur with him… But before I do I just want to send the first text to see what I’m up against! I was wondering if I should frame it exactly like your example or if it would be a good idea to ask a do you remember the name of … question?
Thank you for your time, I look forward to your reply!!
Heider

September 15, 2015 at 4:46 pm

Hi..I just ended NC and contact him and its works really (i was so happy) and the same day he invited me to eat sushi has part of a pendient gift ( my birthday a month ago) well..i asked him to go to zoo instead and he respond ” whatever you want.whatever you wish, i care a lot for you” it sounds nice but he already is going out with somebody (about 3 months) .
last time when i saw him on my bday (i was ignorim him some days before)that day he hugged me strong and it took time to separate because of him, in cinema he played with his leg trying to catch mine ,he start a popcorn fight.then he left because he was tired (he works at night.so he dont even sleep)

I dont know if he is happy with the girl because he doesnt have facebook or another account to see.
By the way he broke with me 6 months ago after 2 years of relationship.

Is he missing me this much for the right reason?
By the way this site make feel comfortable.thank you very much ..
I PROMISE I WILL BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON THE ZOO ehehe. Lets take back this exboyfriend
Evelyn

September 14, 2015 at 12:31 am

Hi, Chris. First of all, thank you for creating this site. I’m currently on day 5 of NCR. He finally contacted me today just to tell me that he had removed our relationship from FB, that broke my heart even more. Like a lot of girls out there, I made the sin of being GNAT when he told me he wanted to break up. Today, he also told me he wanted to see me but he was busy. Of course, I didn’t answer. Thank you, Chris, because whenever I feel sad I come here, read your advices, and I feel better. I really hope my now ex and I can get back together in the near future.

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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”