The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Anna

December 19, 2016 at 1:15 pm

Hi,

I need advice. My boyfriend and I were dating for 6 months. Everything was going smoothly despite a few arguments but he recently lost his job and started pulling back. We started fighting more and he told me I wasn’t supportive or understanding even though I was. Ten days ago he went to visit his parents who live far away to clear his head and every time I tried to initiate a conversation he would reply hours later or not at all. When I sent him pictures relating to love he wouldn’t reciprocate and actually avoided them by sending funny pictures instead. It got a point where I wished him a happy 6 months last weekend and he didn’t even acknowledge it. I was hurt. I had had enough at this point because I was trying my best to help him feel loved and supported but he just kept pushing me away. Eventually I told him to fetch his stuff from my apartment (we’d also been living together for the past few months) and he became very angry. The conversation became very heated and nasty, and eventually I stopped replying. I didn’t talk to him for 2 days at which point he then messaged to ask if it was over. I responded saying it wasn’t over and that things were said that shouldnt have been said and that we needed to take time to figure out what we want. He replied saying he doesn’t know especially after everything that was said to each other. I didn’t reply. What do I do now? I was hasty in my decision to call it off and now I feel guilty for my actions even though I feel that he drove me to it. He’s still with his parents and I don’t know if he’s going to come back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 11:54 am

Hi Anna,

check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Pippa

December 17, 2016 at 5:48 pm

Hi Amor, my 30 day period of NC will finish at Christmas so I was thinking my first text to my ex boyfriend could be to ask what kind of Christmas he had as I know he’ll have family staying with him as well as paying guests at his guesthouse and it might prompt more than a yes or no reply than asking if he had a nice Christmas. What do you think?

Pippa

December 24, 2016 at 5:19 pm

Hi Amor, thanks for the feedback on my first text after NC. I read the podcast transcript about why an ex would unfriend you on FB and I think Chris covered the main points of the man’s perspective – it seems to still come down to trying to get a reaction, but during NC that won’t happen and actually after NC asking him to be my friend won’t happen either as he spammed my friend request months ago meaning I can’t re-send it, but that’s fine – I’m sure he looks at my public FB posts anyway or through our mutual friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 12:44 am

Hi Pippa,

Yes, more likely he would still look. Especially if he gets curious because you’ve been silent. And yes, you should try a text that doesn’t just require a yes or no reply. Do you agree on the probably reason why an ex unfriends you on the article Chris wrote?

Miles

December 12, 2016 at 11:11 pm

My questions always disappear

Miles

December 19, 2016 at 7:22 pm

Amor,
I’ve been texting her for the past couples of days and she’s being really dry. I don’t know what to talk to her about anymore because whatever I say to her, she replies in one sentence answers. No matter what topic or how fun I make it, she won’t talk to me in a nice way. please help amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 12:18 pm

that’s not a good sign.. if you’re still actively improving yourself while being interesting in texts and she’s still cold, that means you have to move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Hi Miles,

I just reached your comment, if you didn’t see them and you mean they don’t appear on your side, maybe it’s the internet connection? But I do see your questions, I just haven’t reached them yet. So sorry about that.
Going back on your question, you’re not friendzoned yet. Initiate, have conversations again, catch up, have funny conversations, talk about what you both have been up to lately and make fun of those topics.

Miles

December 12, 2016 at 9:43 pm

Hey Amor,
So I had planned not to text her for a while but last week I accidentally FaceTimed her and realizing this, I quickly hung up. But she called me back twice and I didn’t answer. She then asked me if I meant to call her and that I just said no I’m sorry. We started texting back and forth. Yesterday she sent me a math problem, asking for help and I helped her. She then asked if she could call me and discuss the math problem. I said yes. We were on the phone for about 10-15 minutes and then I hung up. But all we talk about now is school and finals and I feel like Im heading towards the friend zone. What do I do to prevent that? Also winter break is coming up and I want to hang out with her and catch up! What can I do to make her want to see me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Hi Miles,

I just reached your comment, if you didn’t see them and you mean they don’t appear on your side, maybe it’s the internet connection? But I do see your questions, I just haven’t reached them yet. So sorry about that.
Going back on your question, you’re not friendzoned yet. Initiate, have conversations again, catch up, have funny conversations, talk about what you both have been up to lately and make fun of those topics.

Miles

December 12, 2016 at 7:37 pm

Hey, so I accidentally called her and hung up really fast. She called back twice and I didn’t answer and she texted me asking if I meant to call her. To which I replied that I didn’t. We kept texting back and forth and yesterday she needed help with a math problem and sent me the question. She then asked to call me so I can explain to her on how to do it! We were on the phone for barely 10-15 mins and I hung up. But now all we discuss is school and finals. I feel like I’m heading towards the friend zone. What can I do? Also winter break is coming up and what can I do to make her want to see me during break and maybe have a little get together to catch up? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Hi Miles,

I just reached your comment, if you didn’t see them and you mean they don’t appear on your side, maybe it’s the internet connection? But I do see your questions, I just haven’t reached them yet. So sorry about that.
Going back on your question, you’re not friendzoned yet. Initiate, have conversations again, catch up, have funny conversations, talk about what you both have been up to lately and make fun of those topics.

Summer

December 10, 2016 at 1:59 am

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 1/2 years. We are not married, no kids (but he has 2 from a previous relationship) and we live together. We are in our lower 40s. We have had a somewhat tumultuous relationship over the years. Problems with his ex, health issues and a lack of proper communication, in my opinion. We can both be very headstrong, stubborn and opinionated. And, I am usually the crier and he is the yeller. Crying makes him uncomfortable.

We broke up 4 years ago and I moved out. He kept asking me to leave (it’s HIS house) and ignored me for a few months, so I finally called his bluff and found an apartment. I didn’t tell him until a week before I moved out. At that point he begged, cried and pleaded for me to stay, but it was literally too late as I had signed a lease. During that time (one year) he called, texted, pursued me big time and we eventually started hanging out again, very casually. I did not date anyone else. I moved back in when my lease was up and he promised that if things ever came to a head again, we would seek counseling and do everything in our power to save our relationship first.

Last summer he started hanging around a guy (I had introduced him to – my mistake) and started spending a lot of time at the bar and drinking – 2-3 times a week. This man has a drinking problem and in my opinion, is an alcoholic He is married with a child, but puts his own drinking ahead of his family. I know my (ex) boyfriend is a big boy and can make his own decisions, but this other man is “fun” and a very bad influence. It became an issue in our relationship as it took time away from us as we were spending one day a week together, if we were lucky. I in turn, became upset and admittedly, started nagging him and “bitching” about everything the last few months. I went out of town several times this fall and would find myself calling him and arguing about what he was doing in my absence. I knew things weren’t headed in a good direction. Things finally came to a head while I was out of town (as I called him about him drinking with this guy all weekend) and he said he was “done” over the phone. This was 3 weeks ago. I was not happy with my behavior and am normally not like this and vowed to change it – for myself. When I returned home, he said he wanted me to move out. Now, he has said this before and has not meant it. So, I just figured…. Since then, he has ignored me (for the most part) by not being at home. After work, he is either at the bar or out of town. He has taken 5 business trips since then. He also told me that he is talking to someone new – to which I said you can’t be alone and you are needy… I actually think he is fabricating that “relationship” based on various things he has said, but anyway. He keeps saying that all I did was “bitch” at him and pushed him over the edge. He won’t even acknowledge why we got to that point (somewhat) and take any responsibility in this. He is putting ALL the blame on me.

I have applied the no contact rule (not on purpose because I had not even heard of it before). I do not call him, text or reach out – unless he contacts me first. He is at the bar until late and I have not bugged him once. My replies to him are short and sweet – ending with “have a nice day”. In the last week and a half, he has tried talking to me in person 3 times (all were late at night and he was drunk). The first 2 were 3 hour conversations in which he tried to justify why he wanted me to leave (I learned more about him in that time than in our entire 12 year time together). Again, he is putting ALL the blame on me. It is hard to argue with a person who has been drinking so I just agree for argument sake. The the last time he tried to talk to me he was VERY mad, screaming and said I had to leave NOW. Of course I am not leaving at 10 on a Sunday night, so he went to pack a bag and said I was kicking him out of his own house. That was a week ago. I didn’t even have time to respond because I was crying and basically watched him have a tantrum. He walked out the door and said he wouldn’t be back until I was gone. He returned 2 days later. Yesterday I was out with friends and came home around 9pm. He must have come home while I was gone and did not go out himself. When I got home I went straight downstairs (as I have been hanging out down and he has been up). He came down an hour later and asked why I did not say hello to him – even though we have gone days without even speaking. I think me not talking to him is driving him crazy ?? As I write this, he is out of town again…. I feel like he is leaving constantly so he doesn’t have to think about this and I on the other hand, am not on the internet googling. lol.

We have a lot of history and had some really fun times right before this came to a head. I do love him, I am just not sure that I want to be with this new person and this person who can’t even acknowledge that he has some of his own issues. Am I completely wasting my time? How do I apply the no contact rule when you live with someone and with someone who is so wishy washy in their actions – and keeps bothering me. Thanks for listening!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 11:24 pm

Hi Summer,

You need to check this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

bas

December 7, 2016 at 9:59 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me on November 2nd 2016. When i asked him why he said it was because he didnt feel like he could be committed to me and that he didnt feel his heart was in it. Just 2 days ago he had told me how much he loved me. I deleted him off fb and he didnt block me at first but he did after i told him i saw him liking someone elses pictures. He blocked me but then unblocked me after 10 days nc i messaged him and asked him about his thanksgiving. He told me he was happy to hear from me and how it was wrong of him to have blocked me and my number and everything was fine untill i brought the relationship up again and blamed him for it he then blocked me again. I have been nc for a week now but i feel as if i lost my chances of getting him back. We were togethere 5.5 years 35 mins of distance. I feel like his friend got to him because he told me his friend asked him how he could go without seeing me every day. He also told me that when he saw his friend and gf he wanted something like that.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2016 at 6:41 pm

Hi Bas,

he wanted something like his friend’s and yet he broke up with you? I think you should do at least 30 days this time. Stick to it and be active in improving yourself. After it, build rapport first and take it slow.

Stephanie

December 5, 2016 at 11:49 pm

Hello,

I’ve commented on this website before a few months ago and I just have some updates and a question. My ex and I broke up in January, there was no drama or anything it was just he moved to another state and with school and the stress from it. That’s what he said anyways. We’ve been in contact, for the most part it’s been positive and upbeat and even some flirting here and there. Not daily but usually weekly.
In the last week of October we were joking around and flirting a bit and the next thing I know he’s saying he’s going to buy me a plane ticket to visit him, which he did buy, during thanksgiving week. I went and spent a week with just him and me. It was really great, it felt like old times, the only awkward moment was the car ride to his apartment. The first night I was swept away with the heat of the moment and one thing lead to another and we ended sleeping together. Every night after that we slept in the same bed till the day I left, but we didn’t “sleep” with each other. On the last night there I decided to ask him what he thought of me and he said I was his “best friend”, and that he “isn’t against getting back together”, but since I was graduating in a few weeks and going into grad school that he wasn’t sure. I’m not really sure what this all means, I’ve been confused for months and now I feel even more confused. To me it felt as though he did still have feelings for me just by the feeling I got from him and a few things he said and did, but after I got home it’s like we’ve gone backwards in time in a way.
What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 9, 2016 at 1:40 am

Hi Stephanie,

You mean you’re going to grad school which means you’re still going to be far away from each other? If that’s the reason, then it’s more likely that he has to see that it can work first before he tries.. don’t sleep with him again because it will put you in the friends with benefits zone.

MM

December 5, 2016 at 4:40 am

Hi,
I had recently started talking to a great guy I met. We were clicking really well, and things were moving nicely. However, my brother whom Inclose to was in a car accident, and then as the week progressed a family friend of mine passed away. One thing after the other. Instead of asking him to be there for me, I asked him for space stated I had a rough day. I let him know through out the week what was happening, and pursued to state I knew we weren’t anything, yet I knew we are both interested in one another. This week has been hard as i have lost my grandma two years ago, this summer a friend killed himself, another trying to shoot himself. I had told him that while I’m excited to be in a relationship, I am not ready at this point in time. Instead of allowing him to be there for me I pushed him away, as I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m not sure what to do. And some help would be greatly appreciated, as I do like him. I wasn’t sure how appropriate it would be to involve him, as we have barely started something.

MM

December 7, 2016 at 11:13 pm

Ok thank you. What should I do and how should I go about this. I was wondering if I should want two weeks or just text him. If so how should I start things off.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 9, 2016 at 2:32 am

sorry for the late reply. It’s alright to wait 2 weeks. Check this for your first contact:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
MM

December 7, 2016 at 6:08 am

Thank You. I want to talk to him, but I was thinking in waiting for awhile as I don’t know how long I should wait? What should my first type of text be? I was thinking of saying hi, thanking him for giving me the time I need, but I don’t know. As I told him right now I’m not ready as to what has recently happened. But at the same time I like him. Thanks for the help
MM

December 6, 2016 at 1:39 am

Thank you, I was thinking about giving it some them before I reply. How should I start off our next conversation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 12:11 pm

HI MM,

I’m sorry for everything that happened to your loved ones. But with all due respect, you have to let go or be at peace with some of them that happened years before, because you have to live in the present and they’re at peace in heaven now too. And with the new guy, he’s probably just reacting to your request, so if you want more connection, just initiate. He’s just respecting your space because you asked for it. So, he’s more likely going to respond positively if you message him positively too. That is if you want to, that would be your decision…

Ksks

December 5, 2016 at 3:49 am

Hey there, so I feel a little awkward for asking you and advice basing on the situations I saw above about their serious serious relationship but I feel like I need an advice from a third person. My boyfriend is 20 and Im 17. we’ve known each other since three years but we didn’t talk regularly just once in a month or less since I had a crush on someone else and he was in a complicated relationship. I dated another guy ( my first relationship and that lasted one year ) and we broke up one year ago and meanwhile he went in another country to live with his girlfriend at that time but after a year they broke up and he returned and the girl is crazy about him keeps calling and begging and crying and calling even his mum his friends but anyway I just wanted to explain that he is used to these kind of people ( obsessed and a little psycho ) meanwhile I have a loot of pride means I never double text if he leaves my messages seen or if he says something rude it’s hard for me to forgive him and the other thing I wanted you to be clear of was that he just finished this log term relationship with that girl ( kind of 4 years ). We started dating and seeing each other and he was so different to what i was used to, he was grown up,intelligent, kind of old school when it comes to social media and I was really attracted by this. At the beginning of the relationship he was really interested like asking to meet every day, calling every day, sayig that he felt I made him feel so good and he cared about me and he saw me as an intelligent and mentally grown girl even tho Im 17. He used to travel miles to see me and he presented me all his friends and some family members ( his brother, his cousins that are of the same age as him ). All this honeymoon period changed like idk whether I did anything but I’m a little capricious and I have a lot of pride and I want full attention 24/7 and Idk maybe he didn’t want to give so many answers since he just ended a chapter of a serious relationship but he knew I was that type of serious relationship. And an important detail is that we hadn’t have sex since i’m this age and I explained it to him but he kept asking me for a solution and asked me if I would be okay if he went for a one night stand which I found horrible the fact that he asked I mean I would never know if he did that and I found the question like a tension or a pressure to put me to decide something not to loose him. The point is that he started to loose interest and by that I mean he stopped calling and asking to meet saying that everything has limits and he felt like he was a little sticky and he wanted me to ask and to call cuz he felt like I wasn’t payingthe attention needed. The last week we fought like 3 days in a row because once I thought that he cheated on my but I was wrong so I became a little overprotective and maybe he felt space less and in the weekend I asked him to meet. It wasn’t like always, he was a little cold and we hadn’t met in two weeks since he was abroad for business. His mum called and she needed to be picked up and it would be awkward if I was in the car because we had just started the relationship and it wasn’t the time to make kt that official so I told him I would wait with a friend until he finished. I had a bag with me and I asked him if I could leave it in the car and he said of course but later on when we arrived at the place when I had to get off the car he told me to take my bag and I felt bad like he was trying to let go of me like he wanted to get rid of me and I got pissed off and took the bag and he asked me whether I had any problem and I just got up and closed the door. I think that pissed him off since he speeded up his car ina. furious way.After half an hour I called him and he didn’t pick up. And i didn’t text him and he didn’t text too and I think he was expecting me to do that since the next day during 7 pm he just blocked only in whatsapp, he still keeps following me in other accounts like viber facebook. I feel bad amd Idk whether is my fault that we came to this point or he just lost his interest. Please give me an advice if he is ever going to text me back and if I should text or call or something or even appear at his favorite bars. Also after all that senseless breakup I am even doubting if he ever cared about me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Hi Ksks,

he changed after you refused sex? It sounds like that’s what he wants.. but it’s good that you didn’t give it..

Melissa M.

December 4, 2016 at 11:13 pm

Hi,
I had recently started talking to a great guy I met. We were clicking really well, and things were moving nicely. However, my brother whom Inclose to was in a car accident, and then as the week progressed a family friend of mine passed away. One thing after the other. Instead of asking him to be there for me, I asked him for space stated I had a rough day. I let him know through out the week what was happening, and pursued to state I knew we weren’t anything, yet I knew we are both interested in one another. This week has been hard as i have lost my grandma two years ago, this summer a friend killed himself, another trying to shoot himself. I had told him that while I’m excited to be in a relationship, I am not ready at this point in time. Instead of allowing him to be there for me I pushed him away, as I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m not sure what to do. And some help would be greatly appreciated, as I do like him. I wasn’t sure how appropriate it would be to involve him, as we have barely started something.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 12:12 pm

HI MM,

I’m sorry for everything that happened to your loved ones. But with all due respect, you have to let go or be at peace with some of them that happened years before, because you have to live in the present and they’re at peace in heaven now too. And with the new guy, he’s probably just reacting to your request, so if you want more connection, just initiate. He’s just respecting your space because you asked for it. So, he’s more likely going to respond positively if you message him positively too. That is if you want to, that would be your decision…

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:50 pm

can someone reply? Ive been trying to post but it isn’t working!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:46 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:49 pm

Can someone reply? I’ve been trying to post but they disappear.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 10:40 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:48 pm

my ex bf has depressed insecurity trust jealousy issues. We dated 6 months passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted that I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust (even though it was before we met). I apologized for lying. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted or relied on. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he’d started sleeping with another. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages texts, etc that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just angry afraid to lose him.

He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC… later he texted he missed and loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent before. it reopened the wound cycle of fear and insecurity began. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. said he “needed space” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok we are done, goodbye”. For 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried… he’s now stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if NC will allow him to miss me and reconcile. We don’t live in the same neighborhood, not connected online, so he won’t see me improving or happy without him and miss me.
1. Did I damage things too much and should move on?
2. How long NC? seems like 30 days too short for this situation but don’t want to go too long
3. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
Thank you, JS

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:44 pm

HELO????

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:43 pm

I’m so frustrated my comments wont seem to post!!!!!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:50 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:42 pm

my ex bf has depressed insecurity trust jealousy issues. We dated 6 months passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted that I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust (even though it was before we met). I apologized for lying. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted or relied on. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he’d started sleeping with another. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages texts, etc that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just angry afraid to lose him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:50 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:41 pm

my ex bf has depressed insecurity trust jealousy issues. We dated 6 months passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted that I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust (even though it was before we met). I apologized for lying. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted or relied on. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he’d started sleeping with another. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages texts, etc that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just angry afraid to lose him.
He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC… later he texted he missed and loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent before. it reopened the wound cycle of fear and insecurity began. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. said he “needed space” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok we are done, goodbye”. For 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried… he’s now stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if NC will allow him to miss me and reconcile. We don’t live in the same neighborhood, not connected online, so he won’t see me improving or happy without him and miss me.
1. Did I damage things too much and should move on?
2. How long NC? seems like 30 days too short for this situation but don’t want to go too long
3. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
Thank you, JS

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:49 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:31 pm

my ex bf has insecurity trust jealousy issues can get depressed. We dated 6 months very passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust. I apologized. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted to me. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he had begun sleeping with someone. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just so angry afraid to lose him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:51 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

JS

December 3, 2016 at 9:30 pm

my ex bf has insecurity trust jealousy issues can get depressed. We dated 6 months very passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust. I apologized. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted to me. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he had begun sleeping with someone. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just so angry afraid to lose him.

He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC… later he texted he missed and loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent months before. it reopened the wound cycle of fear and insecurity began. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. said he “needed space again” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok we are done, goodbye”. for 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. he’s stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if NC will allow him to miss me and reconcile. we don’t live in the same neighborhood, not connected online, so he won’t see me improving or happy living my life without him and miss me.

1. Did I damage things too far and I should move on?
2. How long NC last? Our situation seems like it should be longer than 30 days
3. What is the best type of txt to send when NC over?
4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
Thank you, JS

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 9:51 am

Hi Js,

your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

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