The Simple 2 Step Method To Get Your "Baby Daddy" Back

383 thoughts on “Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back”

Esther

August 4, 2020 at 12:16 pm

It’s was really good reading this very helpfull.
ShiroKate

August 1, 2020 at 4:15 pm

I read this article and ended up worse than I was before because my baby daddy is the ‘no reach type’. We’ve been apart for 5 years now. I’ve taken care of our child for 5 years alone with no child support. I have tried everything. Even the whole focusing on myself thing but still nothing. He tells our mutual friends he misses me and they tell him to ‘man up’ but nothing
Hayley-Rose

July 17, 2020 at 7:45 pm

My ex and I were doing really well at getting back into contact, he would visit my daughter and I once a week and was very focused on working things out with me, also stating how he wasn’t All that happy in his poly relationship but needed to figure out if he wants monogomy again, which I respected. He left me back when I was pregnant and it took a whole year to come back and talk to me again once he realised I changed my behaivor. I can get very cold and also panicky when he doesn’t respond. Last week, he visited and it was a great night. No arguments, we enjoyed our time together but had trouble settling our daughter to sleep. But he helped me and even helped me calm down when he realised I was panicking. He knew that I was working on my mental health and that I was in transition of the medication I was taking, since he wants the best for me and hates seeing me in a panic or very depressed to the point where I can’t look after my child all that well, and I agree with him I hate seeing myself like that too. But he didn’t bring this up or that anything was wrong when he visited. After that night, he texted me ‘goodbight gorgeous see you soon’ and then wouldn’t respond for the next few days, when he told me he was busy. Afterwards, I asked him if he was visiting like we promised eachother for the whole week – I even booked a restaurant I went all in – I clearly care immensely about him and it hurts that he’s done this but out of the blue he blocked me. He hasn’t blocked through all revenues of social media but our main way of contacting. And I’ve had enough, I told him I wouldn’t give him another chance if he left. And he accepted that. He was really loving to me when he was here with me and then days later his behaivor changed? I myself would only accept him back if he communicated with me instead of blocking me because he doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings. But I feel like I’ve done something wrong even though I haven’t. Today was daughter is in hospital thanks to dehydration and I was considering texting him. But right now I’m really scared I’m going to lose the man I love again, and it doesn’t make sense because we had a perfect night with eachother, which he even agreed too. I don’t understand it. And it’s breaking my heart but I really want to put boundaries in place and say he can’t do this as a way of blocking me out – I’m happy to give him time and freedom to think. I’m very pateint with him I mean I waited a whole damn year and kept loyal. He came around once and I don’t know why I’ve even been blocked again. Thankyou .

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 9, 2020 at 11:28 am

Hey Hayley, if it his daughter then you should tell him that she is unwell, as for what has happened for him to block you it sounds more like he is getting the best of both worlds right now. He is spending time with you as a family and getting that intimacy of a relationship and family. And then he gets to live his life as a single man doing what ever he wants. I think you should start showing your ex that you are no longer willing to “wait” for him and just focus on you and your daughter, allowing him visits if it is his daughter, he takes her for lunch or you leave him in your home and you go out for a couple of hours while he spends time with her. You right now, are letting him control the situation and that is not what we suggest here in ex recovery that you take control and show that you know your worth

Mae

July 11, 2020 at 3:20 pm

My boyfriend and I dated for almost 2 years, we moved in together in the beginning of this year in January. Of course we had our little fights but it’s typical when moving in together. He always involved his parents or they involved their self. They made it clear they didn’t like me and I feel like they didn’t because I got pregnant and I was taking their son away from them. So long story short, in the middle of June he kicked me out and his parents was there the whole time making sure I was moving out and only took my things and was behind my back and didn’t let me breathe when I was moving. Like I said we didn’t have a bad relationship at all it’s just his parents was still telling him what to do and convince him he wasn’t in a good relationship. I have completed 21 day no contact before he showed up at the house I’m living at to beg for me back . Saying he wants to marry me, go to couple therapy and wants me back home. I agreed to couple therapy but I was not moving right away to just be kicked out again and I stood my ground. However he told his mom the plan and she called him stupid and was very disapproval about it. So later that day everything she said he said and he didn’t wanna make it work but just to be friends. But he also has another girl he has been talking to and he is the type that kept be alone and it hurts that I feel like I’m never gonna get him back and the baby isn’t even here yet.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 4, 2020 at 10:32 pm

Hi Mae, I am sorry you are going through this and that his parents are so involved in his love life. However you need to be aware that this is never going to change until he is ready to or willing to stand up for himself. I suggest that you go back into another No Contact where you do not speak with him unless its about baby and pregnancy. You are going to have to learn how to co parent with him soon but also make it clear that his mother does not get to dictate how you make that happen.

Amber

July 6, 2020 at 12:38 pm

Hello,

Me and my sons father have been together for 2 years. We did argue a lot but there were times where we were so happy with one another. I came home from work and he had all of his stuff packed and he left. He said that he needed space and he couldn’t do this relationship with me anymore because I was changing who he was and he wanted to get back to his old self. We had a civil conversation before he left and he stated there was a possible chance of getting back together if changes were made. He said this but then at other times he says that I shouldn’t get my hopes up because he has no idea what will and can happen. He did agree to start therapy with me to sort our issues. He is giving me really mixed fixed signals. He is either really nice and supportive or very rude and not willing to ever give this relationship a chance again. I’m confused, I’m so hurt and this is the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I want to focus on my baby but my mind won’t stop racing. I am going to try the NC method as hard as it will be.. do you think I have a good chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 6, 2020 at 6:20 pm

Hey Amber, I think your ex is just fed up of the arguing and fall outs and if it was happening often this is why he is struggling to know what to do. Where he would care about you and remember your good times one day and the next he is thinking that you just wouldnt work as a couple. You need to follow a limited no contact where you only speak to him about baby and let him pick up and drop off at agreed times. Give him that separation where you are not begging to get him back. Work on yourself to be the person that he first met, but obviously the older more mature version

Amber

July 4, 2020 at 12:26 am

Somehow I’ve stumbled across this forum and I’m so happy I did. I was already on the No Contact rule before I even knew it was a “thing.” Anyways, I can’t really call my newly baby’s father an “ex-boyfriend.” We’ve dated once back in ‘14. And been on and off “lovers and friends” up until now when I’ve gave birth to our son. See the problem is he can’t let his “high school crush/ baby mother of 2 ALONE!” I know I should’ve stopped messing with him years ago! See “SHE moved on” yet she still controls and has access to his life! Now that I’ve had our son he’s become more distant from me. He’s an excellent father don’t get me wrong, so that’s all that really counts. He do sometimes use our son to “sleep” with me. But I no longer want that! I’m not even sure if I want him! He confuses me. One minute he acts like he’s so in love with me, then the next he acts like I annoy the hell out of him. To top it off I just found out he “may” have another baby on the way in September. My son won’t be 1 until December! He claims the baby has a low chance of being his! The girl he may have pregnant is a porn star/ stripper like literally. I’m just disgusted. Now that the backstory is finish, my question is: “Should I break the no contact rule? Our son is having an important surgery in 2 weeks, he doesn’t know about it. Should I inform him with a text? Or wait until a few days before and then inform him. Grapevine it and have a family member tell him?” It’s only been 3 days since we last spoke and it was an argument. Mostly it’s me contacting him about our sons needs and visits. I was trying to see if he contacts me first then tell him briefly. I’m at a standstill.
Leslie

July 1, 2020 at 1:56 am

Me and my ex/ baby daddy was on and off for 8 years. We haven’t been together for a couple months but continued to do little things together sex and etc. we have two girls together and he has another child ( we broke up for a year 1/2 and had another baby). Got back together I accepted the child like my own. I’m at the point where I’m ready to be married and happy but to him I made things worse by accusing him when I have no reason to because we are not together. We both do damage. We just got into a big argument and he said he just want to co patent and also it makes him unhappy to speak with me sometimes.Also he says ALOT of crazy things when he is mad. Even if I don’t get back with him which I will have to accept I want us to have a friendship at least. I feed off talking to him, I still get nervous with butterflies when he comes to my house and have the biggest smile when we talk.
Erica

June 24, 2020 at 7:54 am

Hi
So my ex and i were dating for 4 years we knew eachother since kids we broke up in 2019 and i did the NC rule (didnt even know about the rule until now) and in 6 months he contacted me (i was surprise cause he told me he would never look for me ) and so far its been a year since we were in contact and he claimed he missed me and wanted to get back.. he was simply caring more then before but he was in another relationship also for a year and still talked to me and saw me the whole year. In march we hooked and i got pregnant now hes going to be my baby daddy and right now im 14 weeks pregnant once i told him i was pregnant he didnt want nothing to do with the baby and simply just decided to cut me off to save his relationship and it gets me sad to think a person you knew for so long acts like this when i thought he cared this whole year and sometimes i feel like i just wanna talk to him but i force myself not to because if a person doesnt want to be in your life you cant force them too and its Been a few days since he has left . Im thinking did he leave For good this time ? and im thinking will he come back if i do the NC rule again. Im just scared to go through this pregnancy alone with him not caring at all about his kid and living his life when i thought he cared about me . I dont know if he will end up coming back if he stated already he didnt want the kid. Will it even be worth trying

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 26, 2020 at 11:05 pm

Hey Erica, sometimes it takes exes to come around to the idea of a baby on the way longer than it does us. So I suggest that you follow a limited no contact where you update him about baby where needed, this does not mean daily. Following the program is going to give you, your best chance of getting your ex back. However working on your Holy Trinity is important factor of this program

Jenn

June 20, 2020 at 6:44 pm

Please respond!
My BD and I have been committed together for 5 years. When I was pregnant with our daughter he quit his job and I told him I would support him so he could finish school. I worked through two pregnancies because right after our daughter was born- I got pregnant again! I supported us for years and paid all the bills but I got disrespected way too often. I put up with it for a while because I love him and I understand his stressors. But I let him believe he could treat me that way and I would always forgive him and come back. We were living at my parents house and after all of this drama in the works he says he feels judged by my parents. And he had created a negative environment and he has stayed in the room only. I broke up with him because I woke up one morning to a scenario where he was wrong- but told me to shut up and wouldn’t let me communicate my feelings.. it became too much for me to handle. Huge explosion. He left yelling at my dad, told my mom he loved her and that he was sorry. I know he is hurt. And I want to be there for him. His life has been rough. He is living with his mother right now but we haven’t spoken. He called me and I didn’t answer. My heart is broken- he has been the step dad to my son for 5 years. Our daughters are 2 and 1. This weekend is Father’s Day weekend and his sister told me he wanted the girls. But I told her he had to ask me for them.. was that wrong? And how should I do no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 14, 2020 at 8:12 pm

Hi Jen, no you are not wrong to expect him to ask you for the girls but you also didnt answer his call which is why he may have gone through his sister. You need to explain to him that you will only communicate with him about the children and he can do that by sending a text. You then follow a limited no contact, but I suggest that you do so for 45 days because of how the relationship ended so badly. If you choose to get back with him, then that would be something I suggest you do slowly and start dating, make sure that he is on his feet and working so that he can provide some sort of income to your family too. While it is noble for you to take care of him for some time, it should be a two way street when children are invovled

Adriane P Hausher

May 26, 2020 at 7:17 pm

My child’s father left our home about 6 months ago. We met in 2012 and started dating in 2013. We had a ceremony June 2017 but the paperwork was never filed with the court so we werent technically married. We discussed this and we agreed that since we considered ourselves married, we didn’t need to re-do the ceremony. We had rings and presented as husband & wife. I found out he was talking to other females throughout our relationship. I had our daughter July 2017. He has always had jealousy and trust issues with me, no matter what I do.
I recently started the NC rule about a week ago. How long should i continue the NC rule? What is my next move after the NC rule? How do I move on but still let him know that his family wants him to return home?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 10:38 pm

Hey Adriane, so you need to follow a limited no contact because of your child. And work on becoming Ungettable. When your NC period is over you need to start the texting phase there are many articles on this website to help you through the process

Bambi

May 18, 2020 at 12:00 pm

I’m wondering if no contact can be used for baby daddy who broke up with me 6 months ago then says he does not want to be in relationship. We hooked up for awhile but friends with benefits then I told him i dont wanna do that no more and he still flirts with me sometimes and is not seeing anyone and regularly sees child. But he says he does not want to be in a relationship. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 9:46 pm

Hi Bambi, yes you can follow whats called a limited no contact with your ex as you need to speak in regards to your child. Other than that you follow the same rules

Chris

May 18, 2020 at 11:51 am

Hi me and my baby daddy share a 4 year old son. We hadn’t really lived together as a family lasted short because he was on drugs and cheating on me with ex. Anyway he has been 2 years sober living in sober housing and he has been a great father and respectful to me. We tried being together as a family for a little but 6 months ago he broke up with me saying we argue too much and I stress him out(we got in a bad argument about something stupid like having my son sit at table for dinner and I called him a clown and he walked out) Recently he had started flirting with me again and I caved in and slept with him. He kept flirting with me everytime even though I told him I dont want to do that unless we are in a relationship or I will find someone that really wants to be with me. We had a really good time at sons bday party and I for some reason thought he was wanting to be with me again be a family. He said he does not want to be in a relationship just get his life together like buy a house and stuff. I am living with my son in one bed apt and dont understand why he doesnt want to put our finances together and get a nice place. My question is I have heard to listen to a man when they say ” I dont want to be in a relationship” so do I have a chance or no? I have not been with anyone else and he has not either since his sobriety so it’s been a couple years. We have consistent communication like he sees his son at least once weekly but I dont want to still be thinking we have a chance if we dont. I just dont want to be waiting years when I can be moved on with a man that wants to support me and my son. And should I let him flirt with me or should i ask him to keep things friendly until he is ready to be in a relationship? I’m just a little confused. Do u think the no contact method could work on him wanting to be in a relationship or no? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 6, 2020 at 8:20 pm

Hi Chris, if he is telling you he does not want to be in a relationship believe him. As you have a child together you would have to follow the Limited no contact rule and then following the texting phase

Rachel Upton

May 14, 2020 at 3:27 am

I am 23 year old mother of a 16 month old baby this article has set a layout plan for me. This is exactly what I needed to read. I never understood why I always unintentionally chased my baby daddy.
Odwa

May 10, 2020 at 4:19 pm

Wow this is soo interesting. Currently I am pregnant with a baby boy and our relationship is loosely defines in a sense that it was a casual relationship but however we fell inlove with each other and found I am pregnant after two months of no contact rule.I managed to track him down and tell him but he didn’t buy it and requested DNA results..he offered to be emotionally supportive of which for me it wasn’t working and I felt like I am overwhelming him with all my emotions so I sent him a very rude text which I later apologized and that was the end of it we never spoke to each other again.its been 3weeks now and its really not easy cause everytime i get tempted to call him but I’m just being loyal to the no contact rule cause I feel like we were never in a relationship anyway so I definitely have no chance of getting him back.Ive met people went on dates,I even have people I’m flirting with but strangely I just want to be with him.I found this article while i was one of my low emotional drained moments and I feel empowered to just let him be and try to focus on my baby who is arriving next month and myself cause I believe its the only thing that matters now.Thank you for such great advice I appreciate it.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 3:11 pm

Hi Odwa, I am glad you found the information useful, be sure to read some more articles about how to deal with the ex when you share a child. This article should be somewhat helpful too

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/

Miranda

May 9, 2020 at 1:28 am

This was a helpful read but my situation is different in a big way. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, my baby’s father and I were together for 2.5 years. Yesterday he came clean to me that he’s been cheating on me for a year, she’s pregnant as well, and he wants to be with her instead of me. i’m devastated but doing my best to hold it together for my unborn child. He claims to be lying to me for a year about his love for me and that he only said all of that because that’s how he wanted to feel about me. I’m having a really hard time believing that he kept up a lie for that long when he could’ve just left me and been with her a long time ago.. even before i got pregnant. The crazy thing is i’m still full of forgiveness and want to work it out with him, maybe even go to couples therapy if necessary. My question is.. would that even be possible? is it even worth trying? would the no contact/moving on concept even work with him considering he is probably going to be in a relationship with another woman who is also having his baby? i feel pathetic for even asking but any outside clarity is appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 19, 2020 at 1:29 pm

Hi Miranda, I am so sorry you are going through all this! So, I would say there is a chance you could work it out with your ex, however, it is going to take time and patience. And quite a bit of emotional control. You mentioned that you are 32 weeks pregnant, is he planning on being in babys’ life?

There is a process where people do get their exes back and they have moved on to someone else. This would mean that you need to complete a 45 day Limited no contact if he is interested in baby. And then you follow the being there method where you show him that you are the better option of you and the other woman. I would use your 45 days NC to decide if you could be with him after all of this and be happy. Knowing too that both babies are going to be in each others lives as they are going to be siblings

T

May 1, 2020 at 9:21 pm

I met my babies dad a year ago and started dating (no commitments) 7 months ago, everything was great until i fell pregnant. He blames me and isn’t ready for the commitments of it and wants to walk away.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 6, 2020 at 3:46 pm

Hi T I am sorry he feels that way. You need to decide if you want to have this baby or not and if he states that he does not want to be a father then you have to take that on board with your decisions.

Steph

May 1, 2020 at 4:57 pm

so I’m 7 months pregnant with our second child.. we were together off and on 4 years. First son is 3. Have an apartment together.. he just decided not to come home about 2 months ago I only even know where he is and who is with because of his friends that came to me and he finally admit he’s been w some girl living in a motel.. she is a junkie.. has no car.. no license.. no job.. 2 kids she doesn’t have custody of.. he won’t even call her his girlfriend to anyone.. he’s been extremely rude to me.. unsupportive I’ve basically gone thru this whole pregnancy alone with the help of a few supportive friends and family. He has seen our son as he pleases.. he’s def affected by him leaving and just stopping by he’s cried begged him to stay several times will ask where he is all the time or when he’s coming home.. Baby daddy will just make excuses such as him being tired or hungry whenever he’s upset instead of realizing that he is 3 and this isn’t fair to him he has feelings and is aware he’s choosing to do whatever he’s doing over being with him. Before he left he was a stay at home dad with him.. he also was pretty involved with my family and friends.. then the last month before he left he would take off right when I got home from work and be out all night.. he did similar shit when our son was born he started cheating 2 months after he was born and then we got back together.. I really don’t know what to do or think of this.. it’s insane.. to be w someone 4 years have a daughter on the way he’s basically acting as if doesn’t exist or even ask about or ask how I am and never sees his son. For some trashy girl he has no future with. He was playing games still saying love you goodnight good morning talking to me all day long showing up to work things out and then when he got here said he didn’t mean it and left.. I don’t understand it.. I’m on day 5 of not talking to him. He’s def getting mad and reaching out to a few of my friends asking them to have me answer him.. I’m just wondering if this plan will get him to even realize what he’s left behind.. not even so much for me at this point but for our son and unborn daughter.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 2, 2020 at 11:54 am

Wow Steph I am so sorry you are going through this during your late pregnancy, it is a difficult thing to deal with when someone leaves let alone with children involved. My advice, mother to mother is to put yourself and your children first as he is making decisions that are selfish and are not healthy right now. Whether he is going to come back or not, I think should be your decision not his, he may have left but look what he left for! Keep that in mind, read about the Holy Trinity where you focus on your life – health wealth and relationships. Keep to a limited no contact where you only reply to him if he reaches out to ask about your children’s well being or when he can see them

Jean Beal

April 30, 2020 at 4:33 am

Hello, I was with my ex for almost 3 years travelled had an apartment together etc lots of memories that I hold onto. I fell pregannt and he abandoned me was partying and sleeping with every woman think he got into a relationship not sure. He came back when I was due to give birth found it hard but he visits twice a week without fail and me him and baby really bond during that time which made me fall in love for him. I asked him once how he could stop loving me he said he doesn’t know if he ever did stop. We are both quite stubborn so there’s this awkwardness when talking about feelings but any other topic we vibe just like old days. He’s on a dating site but due to corona only person he sees is me and my son. He doesn’t give me anything to grasp onto. I told him I loved him when I was drunk he replied next day changing subject. I decided to try get rid of the awkwardness by sexting him which he accepted to do the deed but am I just being too desperate? Do you think I have any chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 2, 2020 at 3:57 pm

Hi Jean so the sexting situation is goign to place you in a friends with benefits place rather than getting him back into a relationship. SO I would advise not to do that again. I would suggest that you complete a 21 day NC and then reach out following Chris method so that you create and build a stronger connection with him the second time around. Working your way up the value ladder

Nikki

April 29, 2020 at 1:19 pm

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant. We broke up literally the night before I realized I was pregnant. We had been together for 3 months and did not intend on getting pregnant. The timing was awful. He got back together with me and things were a roller coaster for two months. Finally after a long unexpected heart to heart with his mom I decided to cut him off. When I say roller coaster he would want to be with me and then push me away and then want to be with me again. To be honest this was happening some before we were pregnant. He has a cycle of being happy and then every 5-7 days he hits a low. It’s like clock work and there never seems to be a specific reason. Sometimes he would kick me out of his house at 2am accusing me of cheating (which I never did). At first he was questioning whether the baby was his or not. I knew it was his. He was the only man I was with, but he had trouble trusting that.
Two weeks after I cut him off he wanted to get back together. For the first time he told me he was starting to fall in love with me. we got back together and for a month we were stronger than ever. The chemistry was back. he cared for me in a new way that I had never seen before. We finally completed a prenatal paternity test and the question of whether he was the father or not disappeared. He got excited about being a dad.
One of the hard parts for us has always been that I already have two kids and I have them every other week. Well when we hit our stay at home order in March we spent the first week together and then the week I had my kids he suggested that all of us stay at his house. The first three days went incredibly well. Then he started to question some of my discipline techniques. By the end of the week he declared that it wasn’t working. He was too overwhelmed. I was devastated. I felt like my dream of what life could be with him had been handed to me on a silver platter and now was being taken away. Being pregnant I reacted emotionally and we had a huge fight after my kids went back to their dads house. We have tried to hold on but it’s been a roller coaster again. He misses me and then he needs space. Communication has become hard. He tells me he loves me is invested in our pregnancy and then suddenly he doesn’t want to see me. Then he misses me and invites me over and we start the cycle again.
Since we met I have written him letters and when we hit these moments sometimes it’s the only way I can communicate with him because he will stop messaging me.
Well this last Saturday he declared that he was never going to love me the way he loves his ex girlfriend. He said he had realized it that day. That he wasn’t happy and this just wasn’t going to work. He has declared Thai wouldn’t work in the past, but the realizing he’s was never going to love anyone like he loved his ex was a shock. The woman he claimed as the love of his life is also the woman he claimed he stayed with too long and was out of love with for a year before he finally ended things. When we first met he had been out of that relationship for a month and told me he wasn’t interested in ever being with her again. This was before we ever got together. So I find it hard to believe that now all of the sudden he is really in love with her. I still want to be with him, but don’t know what to do. He says he still wants to be involved in the pregnancy and go to appointments and be a dad. The no contact rule is hard for me because if I continue to involve him in the pregnancy that requires some contact. Also I have no desire to consider dating or talking to other men while I am pregnant and still very much in love with my baby’s father. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 6, 2020 at 9:03 pm

Hi Nikki, I wouldnt suggest that you date while pregnant either. I would suggest while you are pregnant that you follow strict Limited No Contact where you only speak if you need to update him baby wise, otherwise you have no reason to talk (for now). Working on yourself and your Holy Trinity, is preparing yourself for your baby and making see you in a new light. He is having a grass is greener with his ex, as he is comparing you both as crappy as this is to hear and feel. He needs to see that you are not chasing him anymore, instead you are putting yourself first and soon baby too.

ketty

April 24, 2020 at 9:43 am

Hi, I already fell relieved already. I read everything and I want to start my mission now and will keep you posted.
Thanks

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