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546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Jade

    April 11, 2018 at 10:29 am

    Hi, so I wrote to you on another post a few days a go or so and you advised when NC is up to send a text rather than write a letter. I have a few ideas, i know this sounds silly for planning what to text but it is helping me get through the NC and healing process. I have also started new hobbies and therapy to help me grow as a different person ready for when I send that text. We broke up ten days ago but last saw each other four days ago when he dropped my stuff off in between these times we haven’t spoken. Would you say texting him at the end of April is too soon? Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:40 pm

      Hey Jade. Hi. Its not silly and you can do this and yes, healing is important. Good job with the new hobbies. Its still early in the breakup stage. The end of
      April is not too soon. And if you need more comprhehensive help, consider any one of my ebooks or coaching services I offer found on this site! Hang in there, things will get better on the emotions side in time.

  2. Rochelle

    April 7, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    Hello. I started dating my best friend of 4years about 6months ago, but I went through a depressing time the last month and it left us both feeling unhappy. We both decided it’s best to break up. We left things on good terms and with a lot of love for each other. At the time I thought it was a good idea cause I didn’t realise how much I actually love him. He still wanted to remain friends, I tried that for a week. After meeting up for drinks a week ago, I realised I’m too inlove with him still and decided to try NC. I just stopped speaking to him. We still in the same friend circles so lastnight I bumped into him. He came over and hugged me and sat next to me at the table. I was friendly but at the same time didn’t give him too much attention. Our friends kept on saying we gonna get back together. He just smiled and didn’t say anything to it. Later the night I was talking to a friend and he came over and joined us. Our friend started saying that he can see there’s alot of tention and that we should still be together. I kinda just shrugged the conversation off. I can see he still cares about me, but doesn’t text me or try anything. I ended up leaving early and just said a quick friendly bye.
    I’m not sure where I stand with him and if I should completely avoid him and do NC from 30days.
    We are friendly in person but he doesn’t text me or make plans with me.
    I’m finally in a good space again where I feel happy, confident and ready to commit again. I know we were head over heals before and that there is still something between us. Everyone was shocked that we broke up as we were such a good couple. I truly miss my best friend, and I’m ready to start this relationship fresh again. Not sure if he is also though… What should I do?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 10:28 pm

      I think you should rebuild attraction slowly with him. He seems to still care for you deeply. You will have to be the one to reach out first.

    2. rochelle

      April 9, 2018 at 3:06 pm

      I’m afraid to do anything because I don’t want to mess things up. I don’t know where his head is at. He told me he went on a date with a girl, I’m not sure exactly what that means? He told me that a day ago. Over the weekend there was some drama and gossip going around about him and girls, and I just ignored it, and told the mutual friends who told me that we broke up he is aloud to see other girls, even though it hurt to say it. He found out from friends that I heard stuff and called me early that morning to straighten things out, and tell me that it isn’t the truth, and that he was actually at home by himself watching movies. When we broke up we promised each other we will be honest and tell each other if there is someone else, so I have no reason not to believe him. We ended up talking on the phone for almost an hour, laughing and really just chatting like best friends about stupid things, with some banter and my stupid quirks that haven’t changed. I’m not sure if he was flirting or if he was just being nice. I have a torn ACL so I send him an update yesterday on how things are going and showing him how good its looking already. He replied after about 10 minutes jokingly calling me terminator. I feel like I should reach out but I’m not sure how, and if he is truly just trying to be friends. We don’t talk often, maybe once a week, and I feel like maybe I’ve reached out more than him..I haven’t done the NC thing yet, although I’m not really going out my way to talk to him. He hasn’t messaged me, apart from replying to my texts, and the phone call. My whole family are going away end of the month and I was hoping to have him come with by then…
      Please help me with more detailed advise on what to do…

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 6:50 pm

      You have to realize the process is slow and it can take anywhere from 3-6 months to get him back. Don’t have expectations like him coming with your family on vacation. That will only let you down if it doesn’t happen and like I said you need to rebuild rapport slowly so expecting him to come on vacation before you get him back is a big no no. I personally think you should do the 21 days no contact. Work on yourself, go on dates and then revisit this. I think you can get him back if your patient. -Hugs It will be okay, don’t stress to much over this.

    4. rochelle

      April 11, 2018 at 9:02 am

      Strangely enough the past 2 days, he is putting in everything to get me back, without me doing the no contact period. He is constantly trying to prove himself to me and showing me how he has changed and is a better man now,. Had a mutual friends birthday last night and he came straight to me when he got there, kissed me on the cheek and didn’t leave me alone the whole night. He was constantly trying to impress me, he kept on talking about the future and places he wants to take me to. I’m not sure why or what happened but I was so shocked that I just played it cool and was being nice and having a fun time and tried to give my friends more attention while still giving him a bit. I also didn’t want to get my hopes up or rush into something, so I was playing a bit hard to get .He got extremely jealous every time a guy came to talk to me, he would come over and make things up that he has to talk to me about just to get me away from other guys. He was constantly looking at me and every excuse he had to touch me he did. He even showed me photos he found of us on his phone, and talking about our “perfect” valentines date we had a couple months ago, and a lot of other memories we shared.
      I’m not sure if he misses me or if he is just lonely?
      I don’t want to rush as at this moment I’m feelings scared, and to be honest I feel like its my turn to be pursued a bit.
      Should I go for it or make him fight for me first?

    5. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:47 pm

      Hi Rochelle…I hope you don’t mind I am jumping in. That sounds like progress. Go it slow. Let attraction build slow. Little moves. He obviously cares for. Not too much playing hard to get, but not jumping right in.

    6. rochelle

      April 11, 2018 at 6:09 pm

      Hi Chris, Thanks for the reply, really appreciate the advise…I don’t usually go on these things, but for the first time someone is important enough for me to try everything.
      Sadly, after last night he hasn’t spoken to me…He does this hot/cold thing…I just don’t want to get my hopes up..Can’t help to think that maybe he gave up cause I wasn’t reciprocating when he was trying last night, or maybe he was just in the moment?
      Or is it to early to tell?
      I’m sure we will bump into each other soon again, cause we can’t avoid it as we have such close mutual friends…how should I act next time I see him?

    7. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 10:55 pm

      thanks for dropping by again Rochelle. Yes, hot and cold, that is sometimes not a strategy a guy will use, but rather a concequence of his confused emotional state. I agree best to keep you hopes in check, but I see upside. Just follow my advice in my core ebook. There are several attraction tactics you can employ and the timing of text messaging is important. And if you are looking for some emotional support, consider the Private Facebook Group I run (you can find more info about it on my Products Page here on my site, along with other resources!

    8. rochelle

      April 12, 2018 at 8:23 am

      Hi Chris, Hope you’re having a good day. First I would just like to say thank you for being so caring over my situation. This hasn’t been the easiest but I’ve tried to remain positive and continue living my life to the fullest, and doing what makes me happy.
      I’ve decided to go on about my life. Be kind to him and a good friend, if he loves me as much as I think he does, it will happen…I just can’t be fixated on the idea anymore, it is keeping me from my own happiness. It’s not easy, I can’t imagine being with anyone else. But i’d rather have him as my friend than not in my life at all…in the end, he needs a friend right now as he isn’t going through the best of times, and I feel like I need to be his friend instead of looking for ways to win him back. I can’t be selfish and focus on my fixations, if there’s other more important things…
      Thank you so much for the guidance, encouragement & for helping people daily grow and get stronger. In the end, I don’t think this is about getting ex’s back, but rather about getting your own strength and self worth back, and that to me is beautiful.
      I hope very girl who comes to this site will leave realizing that she is so worthy of love.

    9. Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 5:04 pm

      So well said, Rochelle….”getting your strength and self worth back…that is beautiful”. Yep, that makes you a beautiful person, Rochelle!

  3. Pearl

    March 23, 2018 at 10:30 am

    I am.on day 3 of NC after begging and.pleading for two weeks and it doesn’t make things better. Today he sent me a text asking.how I am doing, checking in on me. Should I reply? I am afraid it won’t dobe us any good. So if I stick to MC and contact him later, will he move on and angry if I don’t reply today?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      Hi pearl,
      Check this one:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

  4. Polly

    March 17, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been dating 7 months, he became cold and distant over the last 6 weeks as he thinks we’ve clashed a few times and he says he doesn’t think things between us will get any better.,he wanted space which I gave him but his still cold with me and won’t arrange to meet up or talk.
    I gave him an ultimatum 6 days ago and told him that o would not be be speaking to him over the next 2 weeks, it’s been 6 days now and I haven’t reached out.
    Do I speak to him after the 2 weeks are up or do o just continue no contact after the 2 weeks, do I need to carry it on for 30 days or is it rude to that if I told him we would speak in 2 weeks?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2018 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Polly,
      talk to him after your 2 weeks is up and make things clear on what your relationship status really is.

  5. Deborah

    March 10, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    I’m started NC yesterday, and I’m nervous. Extremely nervous. I think he’ll just completely forget about me if I disappear for a month. The last thing he said was ‘I’m just not comfortable anymore’. Dagger to the heart. I pray this will give me time to better myself and him time to miss me; or (hopefully not) get over me. I pray for the former.

  6. Jingwen

    March 7, 2018 at 7:57 am

    Hello,

    My boyfriend of 7 months had broken up with me about a month ago apparently he was very stress and angry with me that day because I threw a tantrum and he said he had enough. He was quite busy with work and had to juggle with his family matters as well.. But then the following day he asked if I have ever thought of getting back together with him, I said I do and our new relationship must have new changes if we wanted to get back together. Then, he said he decided that we shouldn’t get back and just remain as friends. Later that day, I asked if there is any chances of us being together in the future and he said yes and will meet up with me. He have been rather busy with work but we still chat abit here and there. But the other day, what he had said really upsetting… Because he had told me before that if he finally had time off from his work, he will let me know so when he told me he had time off from work, I thought he wanted to meet me but it turns out he didn’t want to as he wanted to rest and then i asked if he could just spare me an hour or so but he told me he wanted to be alone and hope I UNDERSTAND (yes in caps..). I was pretty disheartened and started the no contact rule, during day 6, he text me asking about work matters so I replied and then I asked if he’s still packed with schedule and will we meet anytime soon, (because initially he had told me he will be free to meet me after 6th march) he replied saying he’s been busy with work and not anytime soon. He even told me he is free on 8th march but had to settle some work issues which I feel will only takr him a few hours but then he said he isnt free to meet. Oh yes, he even told me he want to be back together with me and me as well but it seems he isn’t putting much effort…?
    So now i told him like if we keep on dragging its going no where and told him if he doesn’t meet me before my vacation (which is end of march) i will just take it he doesn’t want to d anything abt the relationship… and I’m continuing the no contact period… I really don’t know what to do right now im so conflicted..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 11, 2018 at 4:34 am

      Hi Jingwen,

      Nc means no replying too nor commenting back of he comments on your posts.. Restart nc, do at least 30 days.. Don’t be too available. That means don’t ask for his avaialable time and adjusting yours just to see him..

  7. Jingwen

    March 7, 2018 at 7:45 am

    Hello,

    My boyfriend of 7 months had broken up with me about a month ago apparently he was very stress and angry with me that day because I threw a tantrum and he said he had enough. He was quite busy with work and had to juggle with his family matters as well.. But then the following day he asked if I have ever thought of getting back together with him, I said I do and our new relationship must have new changes if we wanted to get back together. Then, he said he decided that we shouldn’t get back and just remain as friends. Later that day, I asked if there is any chances of us being together in the future and he said yes and will meet up with me. He have been rather busy with work but we still chat abit here and there. But the other day, what he had said really upsetting… Because he had told me before that if he finally had time off from his work, he will let me know so when he told me he had time off from work, I thought he wanted to meet me but it turns out he didn’t want to as he wanted to rest and then i asked if he could just spare me an hour or so but he told me he wanted to be alone and hope I UNDERSTAND (yes in caps..). I was pretty disheartened and started the no contact rule, during day 6, he text me asking about work matters so I replied and then I asked if he’s still packed with schedule and will we meet anytime soon, (because initially he had told me he will be free to meet me after 6th march) he replied saying he’s been busy with work and not anytime soon. He even told me he is free on 8th march but had to settle some work issues which I feel will only takr him a few hours but then he said he isnt free to meet. Oh yes, he even told me he want to be back together with me and me as well but it seems he isn’t putting much effort…?
    So now i told him like if we keep on dragging its going no where and told him if he doesn’t meet me before my vacation (which is end of march) i will just take it he doesn’t want to d anything abt the relationship… and I’m continuing the no contact period… i dont know what’s he is exactly thinking…

  8. Claire

    March 4, 2018 at 10:44 pm

    Hi I’m on day 15 of no contact. My ex who is 38 ended our relationship one month ago. I’m 32. Before NC he said to me “please don’t hang onto the belief that we will get back together because I don’t want that. My mind is set”. Do you think I should continue NC or let go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2018 at 12:00 pm

      Hi Claire,

      nc means you’re not going to initiate, nor reply, nor comment back to his comments in a period of time, start a new routine in your life that you will continue after nc, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media. After nc you will continue that while slowly rebuilding rapport. If it doesn’t work, stop talking to him to move on and continue on in your daily routine.

  9. Claire

    March 4, 2018 at 7:09 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me one month ago out of the blue over a silly argument. He told me “please don’t hang onto the belief that we’ll get back together because I don’t want that. My mind is set”. He’s been single for most of his life. He’s 38. I’m 32. I’m on day 15 of no contact. Do you think I should continue no contact then text him or do you think it won’t work because of what he said? I love him and don’t want to move on

  10. jen

    February 27, 2018 at 7:31 pm

    So how are we to know, after NC during which neither party has contacted the other, if sending a text will get the “She texted me first, so even though I thought I wanted her back, now I can get her back whenever I want — Oh well, I’m not as interested as I thought I was” or the “Wow, I thought she was lost forever, I’m thrilled that she contacted me” response?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2018 at 4:03 pm

      Hi Jen,

      That’s hard to say just because you texted first.. Because it will depend on a lot of reasons like what your ex’s character is.. If he’s a nice guy, he’ll probably give you a positive response even if he doesn’t want to get back with you..

  11. Sarah

    February 25, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    Hello,
    I was wondering something. I haven’t been in touch with my ex and we broke up 10 months ago. Our break-up was very hard (I know it was for him as well). Just texted him for his birthday (5 months ago), he responded politely and even cold.
    So, here’s the thing: when we broke up I blocked him from everywhere but in the end, I was checking from time to time his social media, kind of going obsessive. Meaning, I never really applied the no contact rule.
    Now after 10 months, I took it really seriously and I’ve been 2 weeks without checking on his life anymore. I really, REALLY want to move on, but I still wonder… Applying 100% the no contact rule now would help to recover him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 2:04 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      It would help but it’s not the sole solution.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media and then build rapport slowly after nc

  12. Lolo

    February 23, 2018 at 12:41 am

    Hello.. I wonder if you can help me
    I f been together with my bf for 8 months, I felt he was a bit off.. he changed a bit towards me (the last 2 months of the relationship)
    But he was saying that he really loves me, so I also didnt want to hurt him by leaving (even tho he used to hurt me alot also)
    And he always apologized to me for hurting me
    Then my friend talked to him and she gave him some advices to be a better person for me
    All what he said was “I can’t be a better person, I’m not good at this” “I want to try harder but I can’t” what does he mean he can’t? He didn’t even love me right
    He used to treat me better, is it something hard to do to just love the person you love right?
    So I told myself he doesn’t actually love me
    But I still wasn’t sure.. Until I asked him if he wants a break up? He said “I dont know”.. not the answer I was expecting
    So I broke up with him for my own sake
    Even tho it was so hard for me and I was crying the whole time
    He didn’t say a word and didn’t even stop me
    Then at last he said “you girls are so hard to satisfy” and “I couldn’t be the bf you had in mind”
    That really made me mad.. I mean he, didn’t love me right and he even used to ignore my messages

    He told my friend after she asked him why didn’t he stop me after the breakup
    He said “I wanted to stop her.. but I kept on hurting her and I dont want to do that more”
    So I’m now on the 1st week of the NC rule…
    And he hasn’t contacted me at all since we broke up
    So I wonder if the NC rule would actually work..?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 9:53 am

      Hi Lolo,
      the nc rule is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances of getting him back.

  13. Isabella

    February 21, 2018 at 10:48 am

    I broke up with my ex almost a week ago after he told me he didn’t care about me and admitted that I wasn’t a priority in his life. Weirdly enough he was crying while admitting this which I didn’t understand. We dated for 2 years and really had an awesome relationship until his feelings changed I guess. We broke up 6 months before because of the same reason and he came running back to me a week later saying he’ll change and make me a priority in his life which he did at first but he ended up going back to the same reason we broke up the first time. I ended up breaking up with him through text to save him a trip of us meeting up considering that we already talked in person about how we felt. he didn’t fight it but said he wants us to end on good terms and feels as if he lost his bet friend. I told him I wanted the same and we both agreed on having space from one another before checking up on eachother again. So right now I feel like I’m losing him for good and don’t know if in my situation having the no contact rule will work. I do want him back and miss him so much it hurts but I want him to change and see really what he’s losing. I’m lost at what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 5:00 pm

      Hi Isabella,
      The nc rule is not to make your ex change.. It’s for you to change youeself and have time to think things through..

  14. Sophie

    February 21, 2018 at 4:33 am

    Hi, me and my ex broke up in december and i have given him two months time to think about his decision and made it clear i still wanted him back. we remained in contact talked whole days through texts and phone calls, we were even going out as usual. when i asked him for his decision after two months he said he didnt know and i have been giving him much time to think and he doesn’t think he can do us right now but lets stay friends. i told him i needed my time alone to deal with the breakup now but he still called the day after to ask how i was. i was pretty hurt so i made that clear to him and im 4 days into no contact period. I was wondering is it still worth it to try get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 4:16 pm

      Hi Sophie,

      Its still worth it to do the nc rule.. If you don’t want to try to build rapport slowly after nc, proceed to move on..

  15. Raz

    February 16, 2018 at 5:29 am

    He broke up with me after 7 months during a phone call. We’ll just be friends and see each other sometimes he said. I yelled back but before I cld finish my sentence he hung up. On day 2 of NC I text to say I agree with you. I’m still so torn even with that decision/text. Cld the NC rule still work? Oh yeah..he didn’t respond.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 11:42 am

      Hi Raz,

      That means you need to restart the count from the day you sent that text..it’s not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances

  16. Nancy

    February 15, 2018 at 6:02 am

    So things got very complicated with my once very perfect relationship and it was my fault. I hung out with a female friend and got sexual urges, wouldn’t necessarily consider myself full on bisexual but yeah that was when it all started. Because of how open we were about that kind of thing, or how open I thought we were, I asked him if I could sleep with her. The first time he said if he could watch, so I ditched the idea because I knew my friend wouldn’t be down. The second time I really hurt him by asking. He’s convinced I’m full on bisexual, which is a turn off for him (I’m not), and that I have cheated on him twice among other things. He broke up with me understandably and wanted to stay friends but I bugged and begged and everything until he slowly came around to wanting to try again. So we reconciled and everything was going ok or so I thought. I mistakenly fell asleep during our convo and he entirely took it the wrong way. Texted while I was sleeping that I had disrespected and maltreated him too much, that he don’t mean anything to me, that I could have told him I was gonna fall asleep etc and then proceeded to block me everywhere. Facebook, whatsapp and his phone number. And we are long distance. Naturally I started looking for ways to contact him and all through yesterday I bugged him by sending his friends to him, by creating new facebook accounts. At first I begged and then tried to rationalize, and when he kept blocking me, I got mad and started basically screaming and talking back at him, called him names, both in the inbox and on his facebook posts. He just blocked/ignored everytime. The times he did talk to me, he still said he loved me but the pain I cause is way too much and he doesn’t want anymore. I regret everything so bad, I just want us to go back to how we were. He told me he’s done for good and wants to move on and he’s gonna keep me blocked until he’s good and sure that he’s over me and he can’t fall in love with me again, about a year, then we can be friends again. I’m trying to do no contact now but I’m afraid I’ve ruined the situation even more. I realize I should have never contacted to beg or tell him anything in the first place. Will no contact still work in this situation? Also when it’s time to end it how will I? Should I create a new fb account to msg him? Please tell me what to do, I can’t lose him. He was a perfect guy and I was the cause of it all. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:49 pm

  17. Jenn

    February 10, 2018 at 5:15 am

    My ex broke up with me, wanted me back, then decided he didn’t want a relationship again. I’m trying to do no contact but he calls and text me EVERY SINGLE DAY and he gets mad when I don’t respond and says he will change his number and all this other stuff. What should I do? I only answer because for some things I know he needs me and he owes me money.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 12:43 pm

      Hi Jenn,

      talk to him about payment terms and then tell him that being friendly is not workable for you. If he doesn’t respect that, then don’t let him.. If that money he owes is not that big, better to let it go for now because he might be just using it to have reason to be continue friendzoning you.

  18. Emma

    February 7, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    Hi – I am in such pain. My (now ex) boyfriend and me have had a tough relationship since his Dad died last year.
    We broke up exactly this time last year, I moved out of our home then we got back together but stayed living apart. I have tried so so hard with this relationship, but he has broken up with me again a week ago. he vanished into thin air, i went round there, he told me he no longer wants this but a week previous to that he was saying how in love with me he was. I obviously made things worse by asking him to try and said it didn’t make any sense which only pushed him further away. I said some very hurtful things like I had gone off with someone else when he was on holiday (of course I hadn’t!!) I regretted it straight away. He rang my friend the next day and told her to tell me that its over and he doesn’t want to speak to me again. How can someone snap into a different person so quickly, has he met someone else? My heart is literally broken and i am so so sad, i really thought we loved each other. I don’t know if he has met someone else? Does he even miss me at all or is he relieved i have gone?! I said some things i didn’t mean which i know upset him and i probably begged too much but by him changing instantly i was so confused. He has really hurt me by telling my friend to not talk to him again i just don’t understand and am so upset. I don’t know what to do or if he will ever come back. I am currently on day 10 of NC. I only unblocked his number today as I kept it blocked last week because I couldn’t stand not hearing from him. I am a complete and utter mess.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 11:27 am

      HI Emma,

      how much are you in improving yourself and how active are you in posting in social media?

  19. Helynn

    February 6, 2018 at 3:41 pm

    I recently had an emotional affair with a single man that broke up because my husband (we are now divorcing) discovered. I still have very intense feelings for him and before we stopped talking, he had deep feelings for me as well. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and desperately want to re-connect; it’s been over a month. We had an amazing connection and were great friends. I miss him terribly. Should I contact him again or just let it die? I don’t want him to think I’m desperate. Thanks for your help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 12:21 pm

      Hi Helynn,

      In that month, how active were you in improving yourself and in posting? If he sees your posts, does it look like you’re moving on? And does he know you’re divorcing your husband? And I think it would be better to take care of your divorce first before trying to rebuild rapport with him.

  20. Sarah

    February 2, 2018 at 11:15 pm

    I recently went through a little bit of a messy break up where my boyfriend felt as though I wasn’t accepting or respecting is life or situation. He had recently gotten out of a messy divorce with two children. We both had an extremely hard year with us essentially going through his divorce and I also bought and remodeled a house and ran out of money and all kinds of stress in the midst of things. He was the Angry version, he asked me not to talk to him “ever again” which was kind of dramatic and of course I freaked out at first. I wrote him a letter explaining that I would get help etc for the stress and things could be wonderful for us. He replied that he just needed to focus on his life his job and his kids and to please understand that it is just “simply over”. We had such an intense connection though and he had written me letters and had said he had never felt true love before in this capacity and had told me he knew I was his soul mate. This things live in my mind. I started the no contact rule after he in a more formal way (text message) told me he just needed time and space. I do think he needs to recover from his situation and also from my bad behavior of disrespect at times and things that I said that I am not proud of and never want to display again. I am currently getting therapy and trying to be the best happy version of myself but it is really hard to “move on without moving on”. I feel confident I can succeed at no contact very easily, It has been officially since the more formal text message about 7 days and I see that 30-45 is appropriate. I would imagine we will see each other at an event or two throughout the summer and I really saw a true future and potential to have a family with this man. He does seem very stubborn and I feel like sometimes when people say things are over they never look back, I just feel like the way we were drawn to each other and how much we truly enjoyed spending time together means something. Is this a crazy thought? What do I do when 30-45 days goes by and I don’t hear from him. Also he has many things at my house, and large items that need a truck to be carried most likely. Since we are currently in no contact I have just washed all his things and organized them nicely for whatever the next step is. Do I wait for the no contact thing to happen to have the getting our stuff conversation. I haven’t gotten my things back either, but he has packed them up from what a co-worker told me. PLEASE HELP. There were times where I know we both felt like we fit together perfectly, it was my actions and some of his that were in my opinion behavior that messed things up. Is there recovery from things like this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2018 at 12:43 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      You can talk to him about giving back stuff during nc as long it’s only about that. That’s not a crazy thought. SOmetimes people just say that out of emotions at that moment.. Yeah, there’s still a chance if both you change.

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