How To Get Your Ex Back When He's Moved On To A New Girl

3,819 thoughts on “Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend”

jenny

August 29, 2015 at 4:39 am

my bf broke up with me 3months back.it was 7 yrs relationship.we were very close and a perfect couple that everyone was talking about..he is two years younger than me..and im suffering frm a heart disease but doesnt mean that i cant get marry..i can live a normal life..that’s guaranteed..i revealed everything bfore we start this and he acceptd with out any trouble even though i was scared to get in to a relationship.he cared me alot..he loved me to the point whr no man in this world could do.everyone respected him..both of us became engineers..whn i got my first job it was really tough for me to balance both work and him…during first six months i cudnt care him..but we met at least once a month and i did everythng that i can do to keep him happy..he cm to meet our parents too..and we were about to marry..and my nxt operation was about to take place.but all of a sudden he started saying that he want to break up bcoz his parents dont lyk me..he stopped messaging,chatting and calling..and in weekends he used to block me in fb..at this time i was sick mentally down and depressed and my surgery was postponed..fortunately my friends were around and they had found the exact reason for his change..it’s not his parents but another grl..i was shocked badly..my parents friends are still shocked..he was such a good man..no one can believe..whn i ask him he told evn he cant understand himself it’s misterious..i stopped all communication with him and my frnds had tried to convince that grl regarding my health status.but that grl is evn misterious never replied back…im helpless.last week he txt me saying that he missed me he still loves me and im the best in this world.he knws that im the only grl loves him most..but he cant give up that grl too..he wanna meet me..i realized he’s weak and i shud get a decision..thn i stoppd all communication wit him..changed my phn blocked him in fb..now it’s one week frm that day still i cant make up my mind..i still love him..evn thr r many ppl lyk to start relationship with me i cant accept them..im committed to one man..i can never marry another man..he is my soul mate..i need him back..but my parents friends advice not to trust him again.i can forgive him..i dnt want to marry him but wanna at least be wit him.wanna dedicate mylife to him..i love that much..evn he betrayed me..evn he is selfish..plz help me..im totally out of normal condition.

Girl

October 6, 2015 at 3:28 am

think straight….u are obviously not. There are people who have high emotional intelligence and others dont. I personally dont have a high emotional intelligence thats why i have to suck it up and force myself to not commit a stupidity. I honestly dont know if you should go back to him or not…thats ur decision…but i do know that u need time to sort things out. I am the kind of person that I cant fake a smile when something is troubling me…Therefore, i get away….until my mind and heart heals. When u feel recovered then make a decision. Taking a decision now when there is so much turmoil it will only harm u…. Just wait…like 3 months….if he really loved you he wont fall for the other girl and come back…Let things develop naturally. God is writing ur story…if u force it…it is not natural…and not real love….if he is trully sorry…he will show it

Cristina

August 27, 2015 at 9:40 pm

Hi there 🙂
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We were together for a year and a half, and everything was going fine, but we almost didn´t see each other because of the university and work, so he said he couldn’t make it anymore due to lacks of comunication. I have tried to talk to him as a friend but he keeps avoiding me. His friends told me that he’s still in love with me although his pride does not let him get closer. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:14 am

Do no contact for 30 days.

Amber

August 26, 2015 at 6:38 am

I broke up with my long-term boyfriend after he spent time alone with another young woman in a date-like setting. A few days before the break up, I ignored his texts asking me what was wrong. After ignoring his texts for a few days he texted me, assuming we were breaking up. I finally told him he had hurt me, and I broke up with him. After thirty days of no contact, I realize I would like another chance at this relationship. (He has not contacted me at all during the month.) The thing is I still have some of his belongings (which I said I would return when I was ready), and I am not sure what to do in terms of timing and how to initiate contact.
Shay

August 26, 2015 at 12:40 am

Hello
My name is Shay and I really need your help. I have a one year old son and I am currently in a custody battle with the father of my child. It is really dragging out and is just all bad. He currently has a girlfriend and is moving in with her we literally have been broken up since the beginning of this year but was trying to work it out but things just kept getting crazy. Even with all the bad I still want him back. i feel like my family is everything to me and it is something that can be fixed. but with the courts being involved and him having a new girlfriend out of the blue i do not think there is any coming back. I really hurts but I want to try and fix the situation and hopefully mend things with my ex. Do you have any advice I would really appreciate it.
Ella

August 25, 2015 at 7:26 pm

Hey,

I’ve been in a secret relationship with an older married man for 8 years (24 years apart, I’m in my 20’s, his marriage has been non existent for 10+ years and they are basically separated). Our bond was so loving and intense all through the 8 years that we were all of best friends, lovers and soul mates.

We were so deeply in love I can vouch that a relationship like ours was one of the rare kind. Anyway, he moved to Indonesia for work and I live in Australia since January. We kept in regular normal loving contact up until about April/May as things started to change. I was childish and because he was r texting me first I’d be stubborn and not want to be the first to give in.

I couldn’t go and see him in the early months as I had work commitments and then the months where j could of gone over to see him his family member moved over there too, as our relationship was a secret we couldn’t have been seen together.

We were still in contact every day/week but things were changing j could sense. I cracked one day and asked what’s going on. He said our relationship can’t and won’t work as he is going to stay in Indonesia for another year. I asked him multiple times f he still loved me and he basically said yes but it just won’t work.

For the next month I have been badgering him and pleading with him that it can work and that I’ll sacrifice and move over there with him. Until I finally got it out of him that he is seeing someone else, and has been for about a month or so (so while he said ‘it just can’t work’ and that he will always have special feelings for me and we will always love each other). And now (before he finally admitted he’s dating someone else) he is saying he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to be with me.

I deeply have hope that once he finally comes home for a break that we are going to talk t over and hopefully I will try and win him back because I honestly feel our bond is too deep to be broken and I honestly feel there is no way after 8 years someone would completely lose feelings for someone we were both infatuated with each other.

I understand the distance and lonliness is probably what killed our relationship but I’m hoping when we see each other again and reconnect the spark will reappear.

What are your thoughts on my situation? Any comments would help dearly as this is my first ever serious break up and it’s the worst possible pain I could have ever imagined 🙁

Ella

August 25, 2015 at 7:37 pm

I’ve been implementing the no contact rule for just under a week so far and I’m scared he is not going to text me at all – even tho he promised that we will see each other and talk when he is home which he doesn’t know when he’s coming yet.

We were literally best friends, I have never been closer to anyone – even family. He knows every weird little flaw I have and I know his and we both loved each other so much more because of them.

He has literally watched me grow up as a person and helped me through every major life event (drvers license, graduating school, attending Uni, sporting achievements etc) and that’s why I’m hoping he still deep down loves me even a little bit, and that we can rekindle our relationship once again.

Please help!

Becca

August 25, 2015 at 1:55 am

My ex and I were together for 9 months and everything was going amazing until the end. We were high school best friends and I found out he liked me all 4 years (as I did him). He was so in love with me, it was surprising. He told me he loved me just a day or two after we started dating and I said it two weeks in. We did everything together and spent basically every day together. The thing is, he would call me his future wife throughout the entire relationship. He told me I was the one he wanted to marry and have kids with. [Note: he was my first boyfriend and my first love. The idea of marriage and kids never went through my mind once until we started dating.] I believed every word he said and we started planning when he’d propose and when we’d start our family. He pushed these plans so hard, I suddenly wanted it so bad and I actually wanted to have a child with him before we got married. However, a few days after our 9 month anniversary, he became distant and his texts were short and he didn’t respond in the loving way he used to. When I would say “I love you”, he would reply with, “Love you too”. That’s when I knew something was up. I confronted him about him but all he told me to do was to be “chill”. I wasn’t going to break up with him, I loved him too much to do that. I was being all sorts of chill to show that I can do it. Finally, I couldn’t take it, so I asked him to come over. That’s when he told me that I started to become clingy and that the love had faded. We broke up that night but we promised to stay best friends. We texted every day after the break up and even hung out a few days after. Sadly, that didn’t last long. He was hanging out with these 2 girls, one of them being my friend and it was every time he was off work. I couldn’t even ask him to hang out anymore but if I was having a personal problem and called him crying, he came over to comfort me, even when it was late at night [he did that twice]. We hung out a night or two, during which I tried to stay strong but I ended up crying but he would hold me tightly until I stopped. I was doing things you weren’t supposed to do after a break up, I admit. A few days ago, he told me that he was dating the girl he’s been hanging with so often and I already knew this but I still freaked out, not over the fact that he had a new girlfriend, the fact that he said he was too scared to tell me, even when he said that we were best friends. We’ve only been broken up for two weeks and a week after we broke up, he started going out with this girl. He told me that she didn’t like me and now he’s acting so different towards me, especially when he’s with this new girlfriend. I want him back so badly, and I would do anything to get him back.

Blaire

September 3, 2015 at 2:46 am

Okay, my honest opinion, if he has a new girlfriend, get a new boyfriend!
Actually, just hear me out.
If he thinks that you’re going to be there waiting for him if things don’t workout between him and that other girl, he’s not going to want you back anytime soon.
I’m sorry to be so harsh, but I recently went through the same thing. All I had to do was just go after another boy, and once word got around that we so much as kissed, guess who I got a text from?
My ex-boyfriend of which I am still in love with, and am currently dating.
You just have to get a new boyfriend, make him jealous! He’ll see you on a higher level than him, and he’ll totally want you back! And if that doesn’t happen, then they deserve each other and it might just be time to move on. Also, no contact for thirty days!!

Lina

August 24, 2015 at 9:08 pm

Hi Chris,
My bf and I were dating for over a year, and it was a really amazing relationship. Then we ended up going to different universities about 2 hours away from each other so we agreed to break up for a bit to settle into our new lives, despite that we still talked a lot and had obvious strong feelings for each other. Then I told him I had a fling with someone else at uni a few months after the break up, it wasn’t serious and was well after the break up and didn’t last long but I knew it really hurt him and he hated me for it and stopped talking to me for a while. About a month later he started dating his best friend at uni who he really loves and is serious with. Despite this, he still had recent, fleeting thoughts about getting back together with me and breaking up with this new girl. I kind of blew it with my desperate nagging and crying and he ended up blocking me from his phone and now he chose to stay with this new girl and has blocked me from his phone. I’m sad and I miss him and love him and want him back but I don’t even know if that’s possible- can you help me?
Anonymous

August 24, 2015 at 8:25 pm

Hey,

Hope this email/message finds you well!
I was in a relationship with a guy 5 years ago I.e. Back in February 2010. I would like to tell you that it was one of the worst relationships I could ever handle. I was extremely serious and loving towards him and I got into a relationship with an intention of marrying him. His mother is from the same community as mine and as per him his paternal grandmother wouldn’t have accepted me as their daughter in law because of which he made those 6 months miserable for me. It was basically a money oriented relationship. He demanded as many gifts as he could, a smartphone, guitar, new shoes, an ethnic dress for himself, DVDs and what not. He even took my debit card which he used to use to get his car tank filled etc. Etc. I fulfilled all his demands because deep in my heart I knew that if I don’t do that, he will leave me and never return.
My health deteriorated, I flunked my second year examinations. My family was under an impression that I have become a drug addict (which was not true because I am a girl who doesn’t even booze or smoke). My family called his parents, met them and whatever he had told me while we were in a relationship was denied by his father, be it the house they live in, the cars which they owned, the relationship with a girl he had been with before, his college in The United States where he studied from (he never went to The US for his further studies) and much more. I lost almost 1.5 lacs, I even started stealing money because I used to go to work with no rupee in my wallet. While we were dating, he started dating another woman whom he knew since a long time. We broke up in Aug 2010 and immediately after the break up, I realized that he is not there any longer. He moved on long time ago and I was still living there for almost an year or 2. I went into depression, I used to cry every night and questioned myself everyday that ‘Did I really deserve this’? We got physically involved within few months of our relationship however I didn’t know that he had such bad intentions. When our families met for the last time, I didn’t tell his parents about my money which he had been misusing. I took all the blame thinking that he may become a little compassionate towards me. He is now married and has a baby girl of 2 years. I sent some sympathetic and threatening messages to his father, his fiance and him post our break up and not even for once did I get a reply. I made all the possible efforts of making his then fiance leave him however none of my strategies worked. His family and he insulted me a lot. I was even abused by his paternal grandmother but I didn’t react. I was numb. I became someone who didn’t belong to this world then. We are in talking terms and I think I still feel for him. He doesn’t like me talking about our past. He says that he is extremely guilty and apologetic for what he had done. He even told me the reason of using me financially. He said that he wanted to portray himself bad and expected me to give up on him then. I unfortunately didn’t because I loved him with all my heart. I know fulfilling his demands was being foolish of me but I think I was not wise enough to understand all that. I want to forget him because I know he is married, has a baby girl to take care of so wanting him back is not the solution. I am in a serious relationship too but all I am trying to say is that I have not been able to love anybody else the way I had loved him and my deepest desire of marrying him remained unfulfilled. I don’t want him to suffer but I want him to realize ‘my worth’. I know these things just don’t matter now but I want him to realize that he lost a diamond inside me.
Another thing is his wife is extremely jealous of me and just doesn’t appreciate her husband talking to me.
He chose to stay friends with me but he failed to live up to his promise because I am the one who keeps pinging him or calling him.
I am the one who keeps asking him to meet. He keeps ignoring and sometimes when his mood or schedule allows, he does meet. I want him to beg and cry for me now. Am I thinking or doing it right?
Confuse

August 23, 2015 at 5:23 pm

Chris, My ex and I have been broken up for about 3 years now. We were together for 2 years and were engaged. He was in the military and when he came back from deployment he got out and wanted to move back home to Virginia for school. I was finishing up school in NC where we lived. He ended up getting into school and we both agreed that I would stay and finish school in NC then move to Va to be with him. He told me shortly before he left that he still loved me, and that he still wanted to be with me but he felt like we should move slowly to make sure things were right. That coupled with the fact that I was young and insecure I felt like he was just trying to break up with me. So I feel like i over reacted and became very clingy and needy. Ultimately my actions probably pushed him away and we ended up breaking up. We didn’t talk for a whole year and then we started talking casually. We have actually become very close friends over the past year and a half. In fact, he calls me multiple times a day, and I have went to visit him a few times. He currently lives in Va and I am now in graduate school in Ga. He also has another girl friend, that he has to keep our interactions a secret from. He deletes my messages to him and tells her that we don’t still talk. I’m pretty sure that he know that I want us to get back together and try to work things out. But then again I am almost 9 hours away from him and she is conveniently closer to him. I feel like he would want to get back together but he’s with her, I don’t really know what to do, or if I should even do anything. But over the past year we’ve become so close, we have similar interest and wants for the future, and its just like we have built up a much stronger relationship now, and when we were together we never really fought about anything and things were always good.He even says things that hints that he wants us to get back together but I don’t want to do anything to push him away.

Chris Seiter

August 23, 2015 at 9:59 pm

My honest opinion is that he will cheat on you if you get back together. If he is hiding you from his current GF, it’s likely he will do the same thing to you in the future. How old is he?

Louise

August 14, 2015 at 8:01 pm

Hi,
I was wondering if you could give me a bit of advice. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me last week. He had just come back from a trip abroad. We have had a difficult year, I have been out of work and money has been tight etc. He had been away for a month. When he got back he told me he didnt think we had a future and ended it. I want him back. However, he has met someone else. He seems really happy with her. Is it possible for me to get him back? In addition to the new girl, there is an added complication in that we live together. We will do for at least a couple more months due to our lease. Because we live together I can’t initiate a normal no contact phase. Is there anything I can do to get him back. He tells me he wants to me friends, but if I try and be friendly with him than is that all he will see me as? I know I want him back, I was surprised by the break up and so where all our friends. Non of us had any idea he was not happy. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not sure what else to do. Thank you
sara

August 13, 2015 at 10:55 am

I’m a higher school girl…he came to my life when we were in 10th grade..I found that he was so much attracted to me…I used to found him evrytime waiting, standing for me…at first. I didn’t get that he loves me…n finally I realized his love for me when we were just leaving that school.. But during those times he never proposed me..but as I realized that he loves me so through a friend I collected his phn no..&through that friend I let him know my feelings for him..so finally our relationship was started… N at first it was so nice…I found him too much supported,interested on me n also an xtrm well wisher.. But before him I had a relationship with an another boy next door… As I was in fact that time both of we were in great interest, love for one another… I thought to let him know all the truths of mine…so one day I told him about that boy next door… I found him much disappointed hearing it….but I thought as he is my true love he should know my past n I’ll also like to know his too.I’m a girl from a very reputed n strict family… As I was a student of only 10..I wasn’t allowed to go out, use phone etc..in fact it was so difficult for me to connect with him…..he used to get angry for it…he was always wanted to meet me,talk me….which wasn’t possible…. Suddenly someone unknown called me & asked me either we(me&him)had a relationship or not….I thought as I don’t know him I should say no….& I said that unknown caller that we. Don’t have any relation…then I asked my boyfriend about the unknown caller n told him about the conversation.. He got xtrmly sad hearing that I told that unknown caller that we don’t have any relationship….. Again suddenly I had to leave the city with my family for my dads important deal… N that whole week I couldn’t talk to him due to network problem… N after a week when I came back to the city n call him he said me”u don’t love me,n u never loved me…u only lov that boy next door….if u loved me u shouldn’t say that unknown caller that
we don’t have any relationship, if u loved me u would have told him that yes we had a relationship n u loves me..as u have a boyfriend the same way I’ve got a girlfriend too.so now u r not my girlfriend… “As I couldn’t speak to him for a week I was missing him a lot..N when I called him I heard these…omg!!can u believe what was my condition that time….I can’t explain… I really can’t explain my feeling in words..the world was seeming like a hell to me…I broke up so badly….. I got sick…..after 10/15 days I called him again but he didn’t received….. N after it till now I didn’t dare to call him…or do something to get him back….. Its all happened in 2013…..& its 2015…its 2 years I never dare to call him…. Or do something else……but I need him…I loved,loves him more than my life…. I’m ready to do everything to get him back….but I doy know what should I do to get him back…. Plz plz plz help me…or say me how can I get him back….. Plz I’m begging you plz help me….plz save me….I can’t live without him…..plz plz plz help me.. Plz
Laura

August 11, 2015 at 10:14 pm

Hi Chris
I really need your help because i think my situation is really different. So i met my boyfriend over the internet. hes from a different country than mine but they are next to each other. he used to play video games with my brother and i started to join them. soon after that we liked each other and started to talk and Skype with cam almost every day. a few months later i flew to him so we could meet. at first it was weird but with the time we really liked each other. he claimed his love first. i was not sure because i had still issues because of my last break up with my ex boyfriend and he knew i had trust issues. after a while he convinced me and we got together. it was still difficult because of the distance and the trust issues and the jealousy. anyway it was okay. after a few month we met again but this time he came to my country. it was good too but it just didn’t feel like when we write. again he flew back and we kept on writing. than again a few months passed and we started to have more and more problems. we wanted to still try it and he came a second time. he wanted to break up at first but than we decided to take this vacation to figure things out. after the week i asked him if things where going better between us and he said yes the flame is burning a little bit again. so he gets in his plane and after he landed he was so weird. he just started to be so distant. he deleted our Facebook relationship just like that and not even before he got home after the flight he had broken up with me. i was so heart broken. and now the real problem….he stole money from me. after he just deleted the relationship and was so different i checked my little box that i keept money in it. he stole a big amount of money. i told him i would sue him. and we now got into an arrangement that he has to pay me back that money and half the money i spend on the entire vacation. this all happened Sunday the 2. august. Wednesday he told me he had a date already. and last Saturday he went on that date and apparently he had sex with this girl and is already in a new relationship with her. i am speechless. anyway…how can i apply the no contact rule…if we have to stay in tough because of the money…the money he stole from my room he will pay back right away but the money i spend on the vacation will take a few months because he has not much. he has some debts and is in the middle of his apprenticeship and doesn’t have a lot. he said that was the reason why he took it. so we arranged a monthly fee he has to pay until the debt is paid….. he didn’t really give me a reason why he broke up with me. he was just like: i would really like to have a girlfriend who’s thin for once….and that lives closer to me. i don’t know. i know its stupid to want to get back with someone who stole money from you but…i just love him. i don’t know what to do. please i would be so grateful if you’d give me some advice what i should do. thanks Laura

mavice

August 25, 2015 at 1:02 pm

Please let him go! And if you could forget about the money do that. He’s a jerk. Doesn’t care or think you have feelings

tiff

August 6, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Okay I was with my boyfriend for 10 and a half months. We been through hell. He gave me a curable std he didn’t know he had. Which I believe that it shot a infection through my whole body which cause me a miscarriage in feb. Well I’m pregnant again. I’m 11 weeks. He dumped me about 3 weeks ago. Has a new girlfriend in a week. Sad she just had a baby by a guy in prison last month. Anyways we fought alot towards the end. He would run off I couldn’t reach him. I heard he was on drugs so I reached out to him and he snapped. He got all these new friends started treating me bad. Up 3 days no sleep blaming it on me. Saying it was insomnia and my stress. Bs! everything changed. We had so many good times together. I’m beyond devastated. I love him and never felt this before ever. I cry. I feel empty. I said some mean things to him. Such as he won’t see baby in fights while together. So now he says it. I’ve tried getting him back. He says he’s done. He’s mean as hell to me. Every text is worse and worse. Told me to only text if it’s about baby. I want him back. I want our family back. He was there for me alot. He went mia for 3 days. He wouldn’t answer me so I had mutual friends contact him. He ignored everybody. Then on day 3 he contacted me. Going off on me. Threatening Me with harassment charges. He’s changed so much. It’s not who he is. He’s 30. New gf is 21. He ignores me all the time. Unless I send him a fucked up text. Then he goes off on me. Blames me for everything. I stopped texting him 2 days ago. I’m even blocked on fb. Help !!!

Chris Seiter

August 12, 2015 at 9:07 pm

Don’t worry, she sounds like a rebound and being 21 might not help their relationship. You should go into no contact for 30 days. During those 30 days try and get as much support from your friends as possible. Hang out with them alot. Pregnancy can be tough because your emotions will change frequently. Sometimes you’ll feel like you dont care other times you’ll cry and feel really sad. This happens to every pregnant woman even the ones that aren’t in the situation your in. You have to try your best to act like you don’t care when you see him. After the 30 days have him come with you to the doctors (preferably the ultrasound) Don’t say your sorry for anything. Just be really sweet and excited about the baby.

reet

August 6, 2015 at 11:26 am

Hello, my bf dumped me very cruelly. I am saying cruelly bcoz thats what he did. I nvr get closure. Our relation was 4 yrs long. I was always very honest commited and loving. I fullfilled his every wish. I wanted to get married.
He promised me he would. however he was very mean and selfish. Always kept his desires first. Whenever i was ill, he never came to help no matter howmany times i called and used to block me. He did everyhing against my wishes. Last yr in july, he (widout telling me anything) went out of city for a job and told me a mnth after (whn i forced him) and refused to come back and marry me. (I was getting a divorce at dat time and he knew it would be easy for me to accept him). He said WHY D HELL I WILL MARRY YOU?? Y DONT U GO AND DIE. I WILL BE IN PEACE. I was devastated, he started verbally abusing me. He den came back here in jan dis yr. Whn he came to meet me, he agn started abusing and name calling me and I WILL NEVER EVER MARRY YOU.
I was so much hurt dat i changed my phne number. Later came to knw dat he also changed his number just to take revenge. Den i saw him flirting wid girls and confronted him. He refused completely dat he was flirting. Den he came to my house nxt day and said dat YOU WAS USING ME FOR UR NEEDS. M NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU. I TOLD MY MOM DAT U CAME TO QUESTION ABOUT GIRLS AND AFFAIRS. SHE WILL NOW TEACH U A LESSON. GO AND DIE.

I told him dat i was never using him otherwise i would hv nevrr waited for him. Even though he was abusive and mis treating me, i never left him nor even thought abt anyone else.
He said MY MOM WILL TALK TO U. I TOLD HER U CAME TO ASK ABT MY FLIRTING AND AFFAIRS.

Idk how her mom searched my new number and called me. we live in a same apartment. I went and she started shouting and blamed everything on me. And said dat “he is a boy so he will flirt wid girls or do whtever he like, u r a girl u shud take care of urslef. Dont ever come near my son.”
Every person walking by was looking at me and i was feeling so insulted. it happened 2 mnths back.

I saw his fb page every week and he keep adding new girls and i saw dat girl too yesterday wid whom he was flirting. She lives here only.

I cant avoid him as we live in a same area. Her mom dad shifted somewhere else and he lives alone.
I think i became a STALKER now. I search his fb page, i walk near his house and look whether he is at home or not. However he doesn’t knw i m stalking as i do it hiding myself behind a car or a tree or somewhere else. He has no idea i m doing it. But i dont like dis feeling. He igoners me everytime he sees me or changes his route.

I dont want to be like dis chris. I want him to feel my love and what he did to me. My breakuo was really bad. His mom also shouted and he changed his number too which i dont have. I cant even avoid him. I hate myself for being a stalker. Please tell me what should i do.

But

mavice

August 25, 2015 at 1:36 pm

Ok, Please stop stalking him. Stalking is a guilty pleasure. Key word guilty because that’s how you feel afterwards. Read a book or pamper yourself in some other ways. This boy doesn’t love you or like you. He got his mom disrespecting you that’s a sign. Say goodbye and let it go. And burn all your bridges!
tiff

August 7, 2015 at 3:34 pm

My ex did same thing pretty much. He has a new gf etc. Doesn’t talk to me. Doesn’t bring up our baby. I want him back so bad but do I really want the issues. The whining etc idk. U gotta do a pro and con list. Initiate the no contact rule. If he cares he will get in contact. If not then it’s a wasted time
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:32 pm

Ok, priority number one right now is to get rid of this stalker persona.

I think you need to take a step back and go into NC. Lets try to patch this up as much as we can.
reet

August 6, 2015 at 11:33 am

Will he ever realise what he did to me? Is it late to initiate no contact or will it even work as i dont hv his number and from almst a yr we r not on talking terms.

I love him so much dat it actually hurt to be away from him and realising how much he is ingoring me.
Please advice

Namrata

July 23, 2015 at 7:11 pm

Hi Chris,

I met this guy 8 months ago in the gym I joined. He was my personal trainer. We got close and i fell for him. From the beginning i let him know how i felt but he said he wasnt ready for a relationship. I also need to mention he is 10 years younger than me. So we would meet very frequently and go on late night drives and we would text each other almost everyday and ofcourse i spent an hour a day with him in the gym. He would never initiate anything though except the texting.. i asked him out, i initiated the first kiss and we did much more. but he never refused and he seemed to enjoy my company. Things were awesome till march end and then his attitude changed. He got busy and for 4 months we did not go out, only met at the gym. Everytime i would ask him to spend time with me he would say ive got plans and he would never reschedule. He would never ask me to meet him either. I always got the feeling that he was trying to keep his distance to avoid getting attached to me. However in the last two months there were small things that indicated that maybe he felt something for me. Mind you, all this while i have told him i loved him but he never said it to me. I asked him once if he felt something for me and his answer was ” i dont know” He would also say , dont expect anything from me and that i should just enjoy this.. whatever this was! So he gave little hints that he cared about me, that he missed me and he would also send me “good morning babe” messages ( which only started sometime in may). But about two weeks ago, it stopped abruptly. When i would text him good morning babe, he would not say it back or just say hi. Then out of the blue he asked me to meet up..after 4 months!! it was a casual meet up. after that for two weeks no contact at all. This is the first time because just before that when i hadnt texted him in 4 days he got paranoid that i had deleted his number and got upset. so anyway, two weeks no contact and so i messaged him asking him if he had forgotten me or was ignoring me.Instead of answering that he just say ” hi how are you” which again came across cold. then i asked him to meet me and he bluntly said i cant. Then a couple of hours later he replied that he’s in a relationship. This came as such a blow to me coz he did not give me a heads up. He knew i loved him, and even though he never said he loved me, i though he was starting to feel something. He didnt even think of giving me a chance. We spoke on the phone and i was in tears all that time. He said he tried to get close to me but he doesnt feel anything for me. He said its not neccesary that he should pick me when he is ready for a relationship. This happened on the 19th of july. When we spoke on the phone that day, he said he did not want this to ruin the friendship and wanted me to be his friend. I told him i needed some time off from him. I am devastated. I invested 8 months of my heart into him and he so casually dismissed me.I do want to be with him. So now he has a girlfriend. I dont know if he qualifies as an ex or if his new girlfriend is a rebound?? i have implemented the NC rule. I deleted all his chats from whatsapp. I havent deleted him from FB but i have stopped following his feeds and changed the settings so that i dont see his feeds. i removed him from the close friends list. I ve gone offline on FB chat, whatasppp. not updating any status anywhere. Its been 5 days now of no contact and complete silence on any social networking sites and a couple of hours ago he sent me a text simply saying ” hi, how are you?” . I havent replied . i dont know if i should. Im not ready, it still hurts. Will the NC rule work in my case? Or will it just make him closer to his new girlfriend and make him forget me? Please advice!

mavice

August 25, 2015 at 2:00 pm

Ok. I feel for you cause i’ve been there. A man keep you around until something else comes along. They always think the grass is greener on the other side. Leave him alone. Tell him you hate him if i’ll make you feel better . Just kidding. Seriously this boy is not ready and he won’t learn that the grass might be greener but you still have to water it to keep it that way.

I would like to stay anonymous

July 21, 2015 at 11:46 pm

I met this guy a couple of years ago and I had an instand crush on him,just like he did!At the time I had no dating experience and was really scared that I would seam like a freak,so I avoided him no matter how much he tried to be together.He just couldn’t give up on me which made me even more attracted to him.Saddly we lost contact until the next year he was a freshman to my school but we acted like strangers.Soon after he tried to approach me via Facebook but I had a boyfriend at the time and it didn’t feel ok talking to hime..so I cut him off no matter how many times he tried.From time to time I could find myself thinking about him an after my ex-boyfriend cheated on me I keep thinking how things would be if I got to know him.Now he has a girlfriend but I know that he hasn’t forgotten me and truth is…I think he might be the love of me life and it’s my fault for letting him go.I have never fallen so hard for someone…I don’t know what to do and I totally understand him that he feels insecure with me after I turned him down so many times.I love him so much that it hurts being away from him..

mavice

August 25, 2015 at 2:04 pm

Ok. Nothing you can do now. He moved on and you can’t blame him. Let time speak the truth and see what happens. But, please respect his relationship because that’s what you would want if you were his current girlfriend

Cece

July 21, 2015 at 4:22 pm

Chris,

Could you explain more about getting back your ex who is in situation 3..he either cheated or left for another girl? I am kinda in this situation. The only reason i wanted to get him back because i can see that he still care for me and other consideration which i have. But, what can i do for him to leave her, change his mind for me..after all we were togetther for more than 6 years. We both met each other family and friends. Please help!
aysha b

July 18, 2015 at 12:04 am

I fell in love with a guy almost 7 years ago. I was 19 and he was 20. It was literally love at first sight. I honestly told myself “I hope he doesn’t talk to me, or I will fall in love”. He later asked me on my first date. Prior to him I swore off of guys for a while, but when he asked I quickly said yes. For four short months we had an amazing relationship. We broke up because he got the opportunity to do an internship in photography something that he loved. He moved away and we didn’t speak to each other. I told him that we were young at the time and that hopefully if we ever saw each other again, we’d try again. I later joined the military, and two years into it I decided to drive 19hrs to see him in Louisianna. We fell right back to where we were as if we had never left. We admired how much we’ve grown and changed since we saw each other. Problem was that I met someone in the military who was kind of clingy. I’ll call him M. I liked the love I was getting from M but it wasn’t what I desired. I wanted my ex. Me and my ex talked about marriage and told his family and mine that we would one day be married. I came back home and broke it off with M and let him know that I loved my ex. After a couple of months I went on deployment but prior to that M came to visit. He was so heartbroken and I felt so bad for leaving him that I got back together with him. I posted a picture of a piece of jewelry that M got me. When my ex saw it he didn’t say anything until 9 months later after my deployment. I swore that me and M broke up and that it broke my heart to talk about what happened between me and him. Me and my ex were talking long distance and then it slowly stopped. I got wrapped up in trying to get my life back together after deployment, and thought nothing of either of them. Until summer 2014, I saw on Instagram a picture of him and this girl. I thought nothing of it until I noticed that he deleted me off of all of his social media. I asked him about it after he ignored my calls and texts for months, and he said that he is happy. I told him that I am happy he is and that I was there for him. He told me that he won’t promise anything but he will not rush.His gf added me on FB and I noticed that she posted a picture of a play ring saying that they were going to get married and that she is pregnant. My heart broke. for the last year I had been trying to get an understanding of his side of the story as to why he won’t talk to me at least. We have never fought or argued or talked about ending us. He finally told me a few months ago that I lied to him and that from what he understood, I was going to marry M. All of his evidence from social media and that fact that we stopped talking. He loves this girl. The weird thing is she favors me only she is 19 years old. I am still in love and he thinks I am the worst thing on earth, like disgusted. What should I do? Pleas help
Prefer to stay anonymous

July 8, 2015 at 12:39 pm

I’m pretty sure this will make me sound like a monster but I need to let it all out.
I was in a relationship for around 3 years with my first boyfriend ever.
We ended up breaking up but he kept trying to get me back. We would hang out sometimes but never got back to dating.
He tried to get me back for a like a year , never getting what he really wanted.
The other day, I missed him for some reason and decided to text him. He told me he was dating someone (for around a month) and for some reason that made me feel uncomfortable and kinda nostalgic.
Now has been over a week and I feel like a piece of sh*t. Not only because I hurt him but because I wasn’t mature enough to realize he’s the love of my life (I’ve met many guys after him but never ever felt close to the same).
Now I have lost him, probably forever and I don’t know what I will do. I can’t eat nor sleep. I don’t go outside or even take care of myself.
I know I make it sound like it’s the end of the world and it’s not. For you, at least.
Please someone help me somehow. I can’t find a way to erase all the pain and I don’t want to take any drastic actions because someone out there would miss me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:26 pm

Trust me you are not a monster at all.

You are just in pain but may I ask you something.

Do you think this is just some sort of phase that you will get over quickly?

Bereaved and heartbroken

July 7, 2015 at 7:25 pm

Hi Chris,

I wrote to you previously in March about losing my baby and my ex went off with a 22 year old. He’s 30.

I bumped into him for the first time (after 5 months of no contact) at the burial site of our baby last week and was disappointed he took his new girlfriend there. They were leaving as I arrived, and he stopped to ask me whether i had been there earlier in the week. I could see them let go of each other as they noticed me approaching. He didn’t introduce her, which I thought was a sign that she might not be that important to him. I politely said hi anyway and she stuttered in a very scared way before saying a very nervous hi back to me. They went to the carpark and he returned to the graveside and spent about 30 minutes. We spoke for a bit, nothing heavy, just the regular ‘how are you’. I asked him about work. I’ve always been a major source of encouragement regarding his confidence and progression at work. He said he got a new job (its the job I was last pushing him to go for). He then started crying, not sure why. I just looked on but never comforted him.

He went back to the carpark to get polish for our child’s memorial post. On his return, I offered to turn the blanket length-wise so he could sit with a fair distance from me. He instead chose to sit bum-to-bum beside me and pulled my head on his shoulder, hugged me while rubbing my arm for a good ten minutes. We sat there for about 2 hours just talking. I tried to lead the conversation and kept it strictly about our child, even when he tried talking about other things. In the end, he offered me a ride back home. I said no, because I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. At this point, he said, “SHE left, she took a cab and left”. I accepted the ride home.

As I folded the picnic blanket, he helped me pack my tote bag, then put it on his shoulder and carried it to all the way the car. He suggested I should laser my eyes when (that was clearly him trying to declare he’s done his – he doesn’t know I already knew) but I deliberately pretended not to notice he’s not wearing glasses…I just didn’t want to talk about anything else with him but my child… It seemed there were things he wanted to fill me in on but I deliberately kept it about our baby. I just didn’t want to seem like I still think about him and miss him. On the drive home he stopped so i could get coffee, I could see him watching me as i walked back to the car, he smiled widely as I got closer. Not quite sure why, but I pretended no to notice and didn’t smile back.

When I reached home, he asked me to let him know how I get on with reattaching the little sculpture that had fallen off our child’s memorial post (we didn’t do it earlier as we had no glue). Two days later, I emailed to say i couldn’t go back the next day as planned but will go back to do it next weekend. He replied very quickly after, saying thanks for letting him know and he understood why i couldn’t go, but I should still let him know how the repairs go. Is that his way of trying to get me to contact him now? Do you think it meant anything that he didn’t introduce his girlfriend and that he sent her away so he could sit for hours there to have a cuddle and a chat with me?

Now I’ve seen her in person i feel a bit sorry for him. She looks like a child and I could be wrong but I can’t imagine they’d have much to talk about except silly Vines and YouTube vids. He seem unfulfilled. What’s your take on all of the above? I’m no longer sure I want to, but until then, I wonder whether i still have a chance with him.

Thanks L.

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