How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Speak To You- Get Him Talking Again

1,518 thoughts on “Making Your Ex Boyfriend Speak To You Again”

jewels

November 14, 2013 at 8:18 pm

My ex broke up with me a week and a half ago and I initiated NC without knowing about this thread. After 5 days of it he sent me a text hoping i had a productive good day and I never answered. Should I continue NC or start text messaging him again?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:29 pm

I think you keep continuing.

Anna

November 11, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Ok this has copied and pasted many times…it’s a bit confusing. Obviously I stand stand a chance with him but I’m really struggling to get over it. It just really hurts when he thinks the worst of me and can hate me so much when I felt I had a right to stand my ground

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:59 pm

So do you want to get over him?

Nicole

November 10, 2013 at 11:13 pm

What if he contacts me before the 30 days is up? Do I continue to ignore him?… My breakup wasn’t necessarily because of anything really bad. I was going through a lot and wrestling with my own insecurities and became really distant with him. During this time the fire died. He says he still loves me he’s just not in love anymore and it’s not that he won’t be but he just needs time to want the feeling back. He’s also going through some things and he says what happened the distance none of us can change right now and that he can’t be anyone’s companion right now it would be selfish because his mind isn’t on it. At the same time he said he wanted to be able to explore other relations without feeling guilty. This isn’t anything new to us because our timing was off in the past but we always end up finding our way back to each other. The only difference now is that in the past we just liked each other but now love is involved and I’m in love with him. I don’t want anyone but him. So the distance is a killer. I do have faith he will return tho. Just a matter of when. I’m trying out the 30 day rule. If he contacts me do I still ignore him? I don’t want him to think I’m mad or don’t want to talk to him either.

admin

November 11, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Pretty much I know it’s harsh but sometimes you have to do things like that.
Nicole

November 12, 2013 at 12:38 am

Ok thanks I will try it out and see how it works out. Keeping my fingers crossed. Thank you!
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:50 pm

Good luck

AIG

November 10, 2013 at 10:28 pm

My ex bf of 5 years started sending me a message on fb just the other day after 3 weeks of NC, he basically asked me if I am still skinny, I replied by just saying why, I know he’s on always fb but he purposely (i think) opened the message at 3am yesterday and replied to my message 2:30 am today saying “just wondered that’s all, sorry for disturbing you”, I just replied 2 hours after by saying, “ah ok, yes, I am still skinny”. Now, my question is, is this a sign that he’s still thinking of me, that he wants me back again? Thanks.

admin

November 11, 2013 at 5:49 pm

It is a sign that he is thinking of you but you are going to have to work more to turn that into a “wanting you back”
AIG

November 12, 2013 at 6:28 pm

Hi Chris, it’s me again. When you say “I need to work out so my ex bf will want me again, does it mean that I need to go back NC again? Since he started messaging me on FB we have been exchanging quiet a few messages. Do I need to say something or do to make him want me again? Thanks.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:26 pm

If you are already talking to him I guess its your job to try to get a date now.

Sydney

November 9, 2013 at 12:39 am

Whenever I send a text to my ex he’ll respond, but he won’t send more than two responses, EVERY TIME! Our “conversations” will always go as:
me: text
him: response
me: response
him: response
me: response
Then he just disappears! I don’t know how to keep him going in the conversation and when he does this it drives me crazy and I want to send another text to get him back, but I always tell myself not to because there has to be the 1:1 ratio and sending another text when he won’t respond makes me look desperate to have a conversation with him. So I wait another week before trying again, but it’s just so frustrating and discouraging that I wait and plan a text out for a week only to have the same thing happen.
What can I do to get him to stay in the conversation? So I can be the one who disappears to make him crazy haha;)

admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:26 am

Ok seems to me that the problem is you haven’t ever gotten to a point where you can properly “hook” him into the conversation.

Stories are great for this.

Nadia

November 8, 2013 at 9:25 am

My ex told my friend that he missed me, so i sent a message to my ex admitting to missing him too. But he didnt answer my message, on the same day i saw him nd he had a surprised look on his face and was speechless. I just waved and said hi, then walked off. Later that night. He changed his BBM profile picture to us…. What should i do??

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Aren’t you doing NC?
Nadia

November 11, 2013 at 7:10 am

I am, but most of my friends are his friends so my ex and i would always be in the same place so i cant just ignore him in a group of rlly close friends ~ isnt that alittle disrespectful
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:33 pm

In person I am not saying you have to ignore him.

Look, if you are in the same place of him I want you to engage him. Be confident, pleasant and all of that but be a little short with him. Pretend like everythings great on your end of the breakup.

Anna

November 7, 2013 at 9:10 pm

I need help!

admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:58 pm

With what? haha.

Anna

November 6, 2013 at 10:27 pm

Obviously I’ve done no contact because he doesn’t want to talk to me. I have thrown myself into exercise a lot and improving myself because its given me a wake up to improve myself

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Thats a smart way to approach things.

Anna

November 5, 2013 at 9:46 pm

I had a really bad break up with a guy that owned the hockey club I was part of, he ended it pretty suddenly and I was pretty hurt. I got a little angry because he kept telling me he loved me yet he never really saw me and I was a secret to everyone at hockey, because he didn’t want to tell everyone. So in the end he treated me kinda crap and so when he suddenly ended it I got a little annoyed and just said he didn’t treat me very well and that he’s not really showing he cares. He then told me to take a break from hockey and I said no because I’m not going to let it affect me, he kept pushing me to take a break and then when I said no again, he went ballistic saying he never felt so livid in his life, because it’s his club, he owns it etc. He then kicked me out. He said he would get back to me and let me know about coming back to hockey, but I didn’t hear from him, he simply took me off the email list. I wanted to apologise but didn’t know how. And yes I did the most stupid thing, I dropped a sorry card at his house. He lives in secure apartments, but I gave it to a guy walking in to drop it in his door, so it looks really bad. I put some hockey vouchers in the card for the club so I didn’t want to send it and didn’t know his address written down. It was a very stupid mistake. But I simply dropped it off and walked away. He contacted me to say it was a nice gesture and thanks for the kind note. I then asked if I could pop in to the social hockey event that he was having, because I originally organised the event, but after everything I was invited. He went ballistic again and said leave him and his club alone and I’m not welcome. He doesn’t want his social life ruined with me there. He copied his mate into the email and and wrote that he would have to start changing the venues for the hockey, so I didn’t show up. He said it made him feel uncomfortable that I came to his house and it freaked him and his housemates out. All I did was simply ask, not say I was coming. He wrote at the bottom of the email, FYI pete (his mate copied into the email)- I think we have a situation. He is making me out like I’m the biggest stalker. I know I did the wrong thing going there to drop the card, but I just feel he is being so dramatic and kicking me out the club is unfair. I’m not that type of girl and I can’t get over it, because he’s made me feel really low and I never want to be known as a crazy ex stalker. And the fact he wants me out of his life for good, is just horrible 🙁

LENY · 10:53 AM ON OCTOBER 23, 2013 ·REPLY
thank you so much its funny that all the things i read from your messages is what i felt …….. will future is still there…

ASHLEE · 3:34 PM ON OCTOBER 24, 2013 ·REPLY
Hi I have been through a terrible break up

MARY · 3:45 PM ON OCTOBER 24, 2013 ·REPLY
^ I had a really bad break up with a guy that owned the hockey club I was part of, he ended it pretty suddenly and I was pretty hurt. I got a little angry because he kept telling me he loved me yet he never really saw me and I was a secret to everyone at hockey, because he didn’t want to tell everyone. So in the end he treated me kinda crap and so when he suddenly ended it I got a little annoyed and just said he didn’t treat me very well and that he’s not really showing he cares. He then told me to take a break from hockey and I said no because I’m not going to let it affect me, he kept pushing me to take a break and then when I said no again, he went ballistic saying he never felt so livid in his life, because it’s his club, he owns it etc. He then kicked me out. He said he would get back to me and let me know about coming back to hockey, but I didn’t hear from him, he simply took me off the email list. I wanted to apologise but didn’t know how. And yes I did the most stupid thing, I dropped a sorry card at his house. He lives in secure apartments, but I gave it to a guy walking in to drop it in his door, so it looks really bad. I put some hockey vouchers in the card for the club so I didn’t want to send it and didn’t know his address written down. It was a very stupid mistake. But I simply dropped it off and walked away. He contacted me to say it was a nice gesture and thanks for the kind note. I then asked if I could pop in to the social hockey event that he was having, because I originally organised the event, but after everything I was invited. He went ballistic again and said leave him and his club alone and I’m not welcome. He doesn’t want his social life ruined with me there. He copied his mate into the email and and wrote that he would have to start changing the venues for the hockey, so I didn’t show up. He said it made him feel uncomfortable that I came to his house and it freaked him and his housemates out. All I did was simply ask, not say I was coming. He wrote at the bottom of the email, FYI pete (his mate copied into the email)- I think we have a situation. He is making me out like I’m the biggest stalker. I know I did the wrong thing going there to drop the card, but I just feel he is being so dramatic and kicking me out the club is unfair. I’m not that type of girl and I can’t get over it, because he’s made me feel really low and I never want to be known as a crazy ex stalker. And the fact he wants me out of his life for good, is just horrible 🙁

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:02 pm

Have you tried any of the methods on this site yet?
Anna

November 6, 2013 at 10:37 pm

Sorry I have 3 different names it was for privacy reasons but it doesn’t make a difference
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Oh, no problem at all.
Anna

November 10, 2013 at 9:07 am

Need help!
admin

November 10, 2013 at 10:00 pm

With what?
Anna

November 12, 2013 at 8:23 am

He’s made me feel real low because if what I did. I know it was stupid to drop a letter off at his house but its not like I waited for him or anything. I don’t think it’s that bad but because it said it freaked him out it makes me feel awful. I just can’t move on without knowing this. He said so many horrible things and that’s why it’s so hard to move on. I know there will never be a chance to get him back
Anna

November 14, 2013 at 11:09 pm

I really want us to be on speaking terms again, I want him to regret ending it, it’s wishful thinking though. He told me to leave him alone and we’re not friends anymore, so does that mean I really have to move on, I don’t want too. He’s been so horrible to me and I want to know how to reverse that
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:01 pm

I would say give it time before any assumptions are made.
Anna

November 17, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Won’t that just make things worse though if he’s told me to leave alone for good
Anna

November 15, 2013 at 8:04 pm

It’s been over a month now, how long should I give it
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Hmm… maybe you can text him now.
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Well, you need to do what is best for you in the long run.
Anna

November 13, 2013 at 10:40 pm

I’m not sure what the best thing for me is…not sure what to do next
admin

November 14, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Ok, what specifcally are you stuck on?
Anna

November 12, 2013 at 9:42 pm

Hmm ok…don’t know what that is
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:49 pm

What, what is?
Anna

November 6, 2013 at 10:23 pm

Not exactly…it’s done I think. He told me to leave him alone and we’re not friends anymore. I feel I’ve done too much damage for him to ever want me back but I love him
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:35 pm

Really? Well, if you want to move on I can help you with that too.

Jess

November 5, 2013 at 7:30 am

Hi Chris,

I applied the NC and after that met up with my ex bf.
The meetings with my ex bf did not go well and we quarreled over the past again. He is avoiding me at all cost and ignoring me.

Should I apply the NC again?
What should I do?

admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:18 pm

You should and you should have read my guide on going out on a date.

Jas

November 3, 2013 at 3:17 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex from only a 2 week-relationship broke up with me because he feels that I am still in love with my ex husband. He walked with me through my darkest period of divorce. We started off as friends gradually became good friends and ultimately became a couple. However something went wrong and he just insists that I still have feelings for my ex husband.

I tried NC but failed and ended up texting him after a few days of the breakup. He replied and said that he just wants me to take time off to flush out my exhusband from my mind and said he needs time to think over getting back together. Thereafter we didnt contact for 2 weeks and he texted me a random TGIF message and hope I enjoy my day. I got angry because I thought he didnt even want to stay in touch anymore then why did he text me again? So I ended screwing things up by replying abd asking him not to contact me anymore. He replied good luck and said fine he will stop contacting me. He has seen blocked me in whatsapp and even deleted my number away from his phone and might even register my number as spam which means he wont even receive any texts or calls from me anymore.

I really regret my actions and I want him back badly. Do I even stand any chance since he had resorted to such extent to erase me from his life completely? I am so lost and devastated now. Please help.

admin

November 3, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Well first things first, you need to get through NC.
Jas

November 5, 2013 at 9:01 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you so much for your reply. Greatly appreciate it!

Now I do know NC rule is very important and I will re-start it again for 30 days (keeping my fingers crossed that I will pull through this time!).

I did text him the next day to apologise that I had asked him not to contact me for good as alot of other issues cropped up during the period after we broke up. My child was admitted to the hospital etc. He replied saying that he feels sorry that I am going through a tough time and that he wanted to break up back then to allow me to have time to myself to sort out my thoughts. But he ended with: “I guess I am too busy for a relationship.” That means that he does not want to get back together right? I am so sad now 🙁

What is your opinion about that?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:28 pm

My opinion is that it the biggest BS line in the history of BS lines. I hate guys who say that.

Still though, don’t read too much into it.

Sara

November 2, 2013 at 7:39 pm

Hi I met a guy he took me in date v had sex all good bt he was nt ready in for a relationship.v share amazing chemistry all good bt he used to keep playing hot n cold n somehow I felt that he is just in coz of sex..I was never ready for open relationship bt got so much in to him that said yes n coz of this I think he took me for granted..things went bad n v stopped talking..v go in same dance class so there he talked me only twice in 15 days no message no cl no asking out nothing.from 1 common friend I got to know that he is dating somebody else too..so i got panicked n put my anger in Side n texted him,he told me he met someone n wants to Gv try there,I was heart broken coz I was just angry with him was waiting for my man to step up instead of that he found someone else..I tried to make him understand bt all in vain.he told me he is deleting my no.n wl never contact me n I should also do so,so I left things n tried to move on.aft a 15 days I got his text that he brokeup wd new girl n wants to meet me(get intimate)I said no for it n gave reason that u ditched me I can’t trust u again..he pursued me just for 2 days n got angry again..this time also he is nt committing to me as he says he can’t date anybody till 2015 (bt he ditched me for another girl n he was dating her)well I told him v can be in touch bt nt intimate for sure n now coz u chose someone else over me so no chance for open relationship at all coz it’s nt worth..he didn’t say sorry to me even once n I don’t know if he is guilty or no..so again he told me to delete his no.n nt to be in touch…aft 2 days of this conversation his b’day was there n I wishes him a simple b’day message on whatsapp ..immediate he replied”who is this” ,I didn’t reply anything n aft 5 minute he sent a “thanks message”well I was hurt that he deleted my no.bt thing is when u send message on whatsapp then receiver always get message by ur phone name so I understood that he is playing mind game or just
want to hurt me …don’t know y he is behaving like a jerk..what should I do..did he really delete my no or just playing wd me..do u think he will ever understand my value n wl come back to me or should I move on..will NC help me to get him back at all…still having hopes..plz help

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:10 pm

NC will help you. I can’t guarantee you a 100% success rate but I can tell you that you will increase your chances.

AtlSad

October 29, 2013 at 10:22 pm

I have a complicated situation currently, but am hoping you might be able to help me. Me and my ex have known each other several years, and have been in and out of each others lives (never as bf and gf till 2 years ag). It was always just friends or friends with benefits. Well eventually in 2011 we decided to take a chance and date, and started off on a rocky path from the start due to trust issues on my part and insecurities from his past relationship. Well we got past that, and then started dealing with issues he had financially and we had a few break ups in between that due to him feeling like he didn’t know if things would work, or whether he would be able to financially get to a place to take care of me, so lots of “personal/ego” type of issues. Anyways, long story short, we’ve had a lot of arguments, and rocky areas in our relationship, and have always broken up and come back together because of our love and the connection we have….and knowing we could probably be a good pair should if we had started on more solid ground and so many external issues hadn’t been weighing on us. Well due to relationship stress and me not being able to “chill” and nagging him about other issues when he needs me to be more supportive and laid back he had chosen to break up with me about 2 weeks ago. Well after we broke up (lots of yelling and crying involved), he actually texted me and we kept texting and calling and hanging out as if we were bf and gf but without the title (ie-friends). This worked until I messed up and went through his phone a few days ago while he was in the shower, all was good up until that moment, he went postal on me, cursed and got so angry and told me “F you, I’m done”, etc etc and stormed out of my house, told me not to call, he’s going to delete all my voicemails, etc etc and I haven’t heard from him since. I went by his house and he had packed up all of our pictures, and mementos from events and such, and put them in a box (where before they were displayed around the house), and I am scared that I’m going to lose him, b/c: 1) We’ve already been back and forth too much and 2) he packed up our stuff makes me think maybe we are really done or maybe he’s just angry.

Thoughts? Also: We’ve been dating 2 1/2years, and were very much in love, talked about getting married, engaged, etc.

I know I messed up by going through his phone (and unfortunately it wasn’t the first time…have done it in the past when I was insecure about the relationship due to all the back and forth)….

Thank you

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:14 am

I think a breka is needed between the two of you.

Are you goin gto try out NC?
SadnLove

October 30, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Yes, I am doing NC now, but it’s only been like 3 days, so not very long.

It may be relevant to know, that he has gotten this upset with me before, saying we are done, and making me think it was for good, but has come back after a few weeks or a month and we’ve gotten back together. I don’t know if this time is different though.

I guess my real question is do you think I still have a chance of him coming back, once he stops being angry, despite our attempts before and do you think the love is strong enough to pull us through once things calm down and he gets a grip on his personal life issues/finances/etc. Or do you think he’ll just continue to see me as this nagging/oversensitive B*tch.

Thanks
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:58 pm

There is a chance but it depends on a lot of factors. For one, the true answer is in his hands because he has to agree to getting back together so it is a hard thing to quantify.
SadnLove

October 31, 2013 at 1:49 am

Understood. Well I guess we’ll see. NC is hard as hell though! 😉 They say 20/20 is always hindsight, ugh!

Thanks for your article and comments, I think it’s awesome you actually comment back. It gives us girls a better understanding.
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:30 pm

NC is very hard. I can only count 5 people I have interacted with that have completed it.
Naina

November 4, 2013 at 3:02 am

To SADNLOVE: I am currently in NC. I found that it helps to throw myself into a super busy lifestyle to the point that I don’t get a chance to think about it. Also, in my opinion, I am sure other women out there disagree, but the first few days are the hardest. After that it gets easier because you start to get used to it. Also, I am pretty good at not letting that stuff bother me because of my busy/healthy lifestyle. No alcohol when I am out with friends also really helps my discipline. I am on day 14, and I am actually doing really well 🙂 I do miss him, but I try to invest my “thinking about him” time into “bettering myself” time. So just throw your love for him into loving yourself and the NC will come naturally. Good luck!
Mems

November 8, 2013 at 12:37 pm

I am on my third week with NC. Not easy as you all say but its better than being hurt. We can do this ladies let us keep on going strong every day and keeping ourselves busy…. Wishing you all the best!!!! My goal is 90 days with no contact and I believe that I will do it no matter how hard….
SadnLove

October 30, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Also, sorry but you mentioned that you think we need a break, was that due to saying we just need to let the fires cool down since there is so much tension and such….or for another reason.

Thanks! 🙂
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:58 pm

Let the fires cool down hahaha.
AtlSad

October 30, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Yes, I am doing NC right now, but it’s only been a few days. Do you think that it’ll work or do you think he is done for good?

Might I add, that everytime he’s said this stuff in the past he has come back after a few weeks or a month, don’t know if this time will be different though. Should I give up and just move on and assume we will never be together again? Or is love strong enough to save us once he calms down and gets through some of his personal stuff?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:57 pm

You are still early in so give it some time.

BL

October 29, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Hey! I will try to keep it short but it’s a very long story
We dated for almost a year when he suddenly broke up with me. He didn’t give me a clear reason. He said that he had the feeling that he wasn’t good enough for me and that he didn’t make me happy, … I was very very upset. The first weeks after the break-up he was very distant and didn’t want to talk to me. After a couple of weeks we slowly started dating again. Sometimes it was just a bootycall but we also had very romantic moments together. So after a few weeks we were back together.

When we were back together I asked him if he had dated other girls (huge mistake!). He was very honest and said that he had slept with 4 other girls. 1 of them was a girl that he knew for a long time and had some history with (he never wanted to talk about that). He slept with her 3 days after our breakup. I was really upset. I was so happy that we were back together but was devastated. We were seeing each other and he knew how upset I was after the breakup, and meanwhile he was sleeping with other girls.

A whole week I kept thinking about that and really panicked. I said to him that I was really hurt and didn’t know what to do. And after that conversation we broke up again. I still loved him but couldn’t imagine that he was sleeping with other girls when he just broke up with me. Now I know that’s a thing that boys do but then I really couldn’t handle it.

He was very upset too and said he was sorry. The conversations afterwards were always the same: he said that he wasn’t good enough for me and I said that I just was upset that he slept with other girls. I assured him that he always was a good boyfriend but he did not believe me.

He was really upset and deleted me on facebook, my number, …
I started dating an other guy (nothing serious) but kept thinking about him. After a few weeks we started talking again and I said I was still thinking about him. He said he was still thinking about me too. He knew that I had dated an other guy but he understood. He had sex with other girls too. We dated a couple of times and those were really good moments. We didn’t talk about our problems. It felt like we were just back together. Although it was not. We still loved each other but everything was so complicated.

I still wanted to get back together but he said that he was afraid to be hurt again. He said that he loved me so much that he could not handle to be with me. I really don’t know what I have to think about that.

After a few week I noticed that he was dating that girl he first slept with after our first breakup. I was very angry. Dating the girl that caused our second breakup? I was furious and heartbroken. I said some really mean things through facebook (“she’s an ugly bitch, … “)

The last thing he said to me was:
” I have accepted that I’m never going to be happy. I don’t love that girl. I never want to love somebody again. I can’t handle a relationship with someone I love. I loved you and that’s why broke up with you. You were too good for me. It was suspicious that you wanted to be with me. ”

I really don’t know what to think about that. I can’t imagine that he’s having a relationship with someone he doesn’t love? Does he say that to make me feel better? I understand that I have hurt him. But he doesn’t understand that I was so upset that he had slept with that girl.

He’s still the love of my life but I’m so confused. The only way to communicate with him is Facebook (but we are no facebookfriends). A week ago I send him a message to say that’s almost a year since the first breakup and that I hope that he is doing well. He did not respond.

Yesterday I uploaded some pictures on Instagram of me. And after that I saw that he stopped following me on Instagram. Before those posts he was still following me (I checked that )
He clearly doesn’t want to see me or have any contact with me.

I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think about the things he has said. Does he still loves me and hurt it too much? Or does he thinks I’m a bitch and doesn’t want to talk to me ever ever again?

How can I get him back? Should I start the no contact rule? Although we already have no contact and he has an relationship with that girl. I’m afraid that he will keep ignoring me.

I really don’t know what to do. I still love him very much. It’s not necessary to start a relationship again. I would be happy if we were just friends. I care about him and want him to be happy.

I have read every article on this site and it helped me a lot to stay hopeful. I hope someone can give me some advice. There are so many things on my mind. Someone with a clear mind who want’s to help me ?

Thank you so much xx

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:02 am

Every article on this site? Really?

Wow I am imporessed.

You should DEFINTITELY start the no contact rule!
BL

October 30, 2013 at 11:44 am

Thank you so much for replying!
I will start the no contact rule today.
Wish me luck 😉
xx
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:33 pm

Good luck 😉
BL

November 5, 2013 at 6:58 pm

I’m in the second week of NC. I really think he’s happy with his new girlfriend. I cannot imagine that he ever wants me back now he got a new girl 🙁 I’m so afraid that he will ignore me when I contact him after the 30 days of NC. It’s really hard 🙁
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:42 pm

Could the new girl be a rebound?
BL

November 6, 2013 at 4:55 pm

I really don’t know. 3 days after our first breakup he had sex with her. He told me it meant nothing. She is an exchange student from the Netherlands so she went back home. After our second breakup she came back for another year and he started a relationship with her a few months after. A month ago he told me that he doesn’t love her but he’s fine with it. They seem really happy and I don’t think he misses me. In June the girl will go back home but I don’t want to be his second choice. Or maybe he will start a LDR with her.
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:00 pm

are you currently in NC?
BL

November 7, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Yes, almost 3 weeks.
BL

November 13, 2013 at 12:59 pm

Is contacting him after 4 weeks of NC a good timing? He’s been with that girl for 3 months now. Or are maybe they still in their “honeymoon period”?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:29 pm

If you feel it is. Its all up to you and how you feel about the situation.
BL

November 12, 2013 at 10:38 am

Yes of course 🙂
There are some signs she’s a rebound but I’m really not sure. It’s sooo difficult!
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:28 pm

I guess the best idea is to be patient.
BL

November 11, 2013 at 11:30 am

Is there a chance that the girl is just a rebound?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Yes there is have you read the rebound guide?

Jessica

October 25, 2013 at 8:42 am

Hi,
I was friends (best friends) with my boyfriend for a couple of years before we got together – we had discussed it a lot prior to moving to a relationship. We were in a relationship for 18 months but it was rocky a lot of the time. There is an age difference and he was at uni (still is) – so we spent a lot of time apart while he was studying and both Of us led two separate lives for the majority of the relationship. His communication was not good with me. We argued a lot and he would always resort to blocking me out, ignoring me and it would end up over, then we would talk and sort things out and all would be well – it continued like this, in this cycle for a long time. I love him but I realise that it was a difficult relationship, however I feel that until he finishes uni, it would have been way too hard and maybe once he had finished and was back, things may have worked out between us.

I had a miscarriage a few months ago and he took it badly and said he couldn’t talk. A week ago we rowed and he hung up, then ignored me for 2 days. I did the psycho thing of calling, texting and emailing him – as I was hurt and confused,and so were my two children. Then he text and emailed me and said he loved me but he couldn’t be with me, he couldn’t manage both uni and us, but he wouldn’t let me wait for him until he was ready. He said we should maybe be friends, and then he asked if we could not plan anything and see what happens, see if it does work out. I didn’t agree but asked how that would work. He said he didn’t know – he said he didn’t want to be with me but didn’t know how to be without me. He said he loved me again. Then he said he couldn’t talk to me on the phone as he couldn’t hear my voice, but asked if we could talk the next day at 5. I agreed. The next day, nothing, so I text him, and he ignored it. That was 3 days ago and the has been nothing from him.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t contacted him in 2 days and have no intention of doing so. We live together and all his belongings are here as well as things like passports etc. we have two joint bank accounts and we were due to be married in 2 months – which he had booked and organised. I don’t know whether he has cancelled the wedding.

I have no idea what to do next, but despite all the practical things that I feel he would need to sort out, I feel like he may never contact me again.

Thanks for your help in advance!

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Have you done NC yet?
Jessica

October 26, 2013 at 6:16 pm

I’ve started it. We argued on Saturday ( a week ago) and he put the phone down, he text me twice on Sunday, and then heard nothing on Monday, he text on Tuesday asking if we could talk the next day at 5, then he ignored me that day. Since Wednesday night I haven’t contacted him at all (so this is day 3 of NC) and I’ve heard nothing from him either since Tuesday.

Don’t know if its relevant but he’s done this so many times before, but never for this long. Every time he ignores me, when we finally talk, in order to discuss the kids or practical things, he will spend 1 or 2 days here with me, telling me that he feels nothing for me anymore, feels uncomfortable in our home and doesn’t want to make this work – I don’t try to convince him otherwise at these times, but suddenly he has a change of heart and tells me that he loves me, can’t be without me and that I’m the one – I never have any idea what causes his change of heart. When I ask him he always says that when he is at uni (5 hrs away) and we have argued, he simply blocks me out, switches off and then feels nothing for me – but when he then sees me it changes back in his head. I fear that as he is now there and I’m here, and he is playing things differently this time – worse, that he won’t see me and therefore will convince himself that he doesn’t love or want me?

I’m so confused! I’m happy to do NC for as long as it takes – but I feel that this is probably over for good now. Also concerned that all the practical things need sorting, like the wedding etc. My heads in a good place over this, I feel like what will be will be now. Im also thinking that I did the typical stalker thing from Saturday to Wednesday!! Don’t think that’s helped?!

Thanks, Jessica
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Just do the 30 days for NC.

Take a deep breath and realize relationships aren’t as black and white as you are thinking. It may feel bad now but down the road your tune my change.
Jessica

November 1, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Yes. I’m doing the NC now. What do you mean when you say that they’re not as black and white?! Also confused by the changing your tune thing?! You mean that after NC I may realise that I don’t want to be with him?!
Thanks for your help, I’m grateful.
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:59 pm

I meant when it comes to relationships the correct answer isn’t always black and white. A lot of times the true answer lies in the grey in between.
Jessica

November 4, 2013 at 4:27 pm

He finally emailed me – this is what it said…..
“There isn’t anyone else. I haven’t been in contact with you because I wanted to know how I felt and you felt if I hadn’t been in contact. I wanted to know if it would effect me and it has but not as much as I thought it would. I do love you but I don’t think we could or can be together which annoys me as I really do like you. I just feel that over the past few weeks a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and it’s allowed me to get some really good work done.
I’m sorry”
What on earth is he doing? I don’t know what to think as I don’t see how you can have planned to marry someone that you just “really like”?! Is he for real? What do I do?
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:30 pm

I don’t know, he just seems to have gotten cold feet.
Jessica

November 4, 2013 at 9:29 pm

So I do nothing now?
Jessica

December 7, 2013 at 10:35 am

He got in contact nearly 2 weeks ago. He is due to finish his degree in May. He text me to tell me that he has decided to defer uni and come back to my home town…..that’s all it said, he didn’t tell me why or what he will be doing.
What does this mean and what do I do?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:21 pm

right now yes.

Elle

October 24, 2013 at 4:24 am

My ex and I have a complicated history. We met, lost touch for 18 months, met again and dated for about 3.5 months, and have been sort of friends for about a year after–although we have barely been speaking for the past six months.

Right after we started dating, one of my friends slept with his friend and with his cousin and caused some major that made things really rocky between us. He left for five weeks for work travel, when he came back the drama continued and as a result we ended and he started dating someone else. Not long after we broke up, I suffered a major life threatening injury.

He found out and really took care of me, which gave us a chance to really bond but he was still dating the other girl and things between he and I were strictly not platonic. During that time I was a terrible towards him. I didn’t understand at the time why I was so out of control and I was largely in denial about what I was going through but my head injury caused me to have extreme moods swings. I would regularly have temper tantrums at him and behaved like an absolute brat.

Saint that he is, he stuck by me and I ended up telling him how much having him in my life means to me and not long after, I found out out that he had broke up with his girlfriend because of what I said and started showing up wherever I was and seemed to be testing the waters and making an effort with me. That lasted for about 6 weeks til we had a MAJOR falling out as a result of a misunderstanding/miscommunication and have barely spoken since.

That was in February and we have barely spoken since then minus the occasional email exchange which have been increasingly friendly on his part albeit few and far between. In every one he makes an excuse about being busy but suggests ‘making plans in a few weeks’ but never does.

A couple of months ago, I invited him to my birthday party and was surprised when he said he’d be there. He showed up nearly two hours late, hugged me hello, stayed about an hour and a half and made quite an effort with my friends. He and I barely had a chance to speak but he hugged me goodbye and left.
I texted him the next day and thanked him for coming and sent a link to some info we had been talking about and tried to reach out to him a few times after but after six weeks and I still had no response and started no contact.

I am devastated. I love him more than I knew it was possible to love someone and I know that he had to have cared deeply for me to stick it out through the drama, tantrums, etc. The only thing that I can think caused his silence is that the friend who had caused the drama when we first started dating was at my party and I found out after that she had been really rude to him. She and I stopped talking for a long time because of her drama and I’m wondering if it made him uneasy that I tried to be friends with her again and that he thinks I’m just too much drama.

I am nearly at the end of 30 days of no contact but I’m scared that he’s branded me as psycho drama and no matter deeply he cared about me, he’s done with me because of it. It really scares me that I’m not sure if he knows that the horrible mood swings he was on the receiving end of were the head injury and not me.

1.I take responsibility for my role in our problems and for the mistakes I’ve made but I don’t think he realizes that the reason why I was over emotional/crazy a lot of the time was because of my head injury. I don’t want to seem like I’m grabbing at straws and making excuses or risk bringing up the negative but how/when/should I say something to him to point out that my bad behaviour was caused by my injury and not me being psycho drama?

2. Do I have any chance of him to responding to me if I give him enough room to breathe with no contact?

I would appreciate any guidance you may be able to give me.

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:55 pm

That psycho brand really sucks to have on you doesn’t it?

I think he will respond to you if you send him the right text for sure. What is your planned text?
Elle

October 25, 2013 at 4:25 pm

The psycho brand is TERRIBLE. I REALLY wish there was an undo button for it.

I don’t know what to text.

I saw a really goofy as-seen-on-tv type product a while ago that’s supposed to deal with a chore that I know he really hates. I thought about texting him a picture of it and saying I saw it and thought of him and then something jokey.

I’m hoping to have really good news very soon that he helped to make possible because of how he took care of me. I thought about using letting him know as a first text but is that to about me?

He has a pretty special anniversary coming up that I’m very proud of him for and was a huge accomplishment for him. I’m thinking about texting him something about that but I don’t know what’s been going on with him and there is a chance that accomplishment might be a bit of a sore spot right now.

Any thoughts on what I should go with?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm

For some reason I don’t think reminding him of something he hates is the best way to recreate a first impression…

Find something more positive!
Elle

October 27, 2013 at 9:49 pm

I ended up texting him about an inside joke, it says it delivered to his phone okay, but after sending it, I can’t see his online status anymore. I’m afraid that means that he blocked me. I can’t tell for sure without texting him again but it’s too soon to do that and I don’t understand why he would do that? What do I do?
admin

October 27, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Just lay off for a little bit.
Elle

October 25, 2013 at 5:08 pm

The other thing is we used to text all the time but he hasn’t responded to a single text from me since March, only email.

I don’t understand why? Its weird and I hate it so I’m thinking I’m going to try text but in my case, do you think I should stick to email?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:31 pm

No, i would try the texting first and then if that fails go down to email.

Lindsey

October 23, 2013 at 12:25 am

I have tried all your tactics and nothing is working. I did the 6weeks so yes more than 30 days NC. I did the “way interesting text” and nothing happened no response nothing. I did the wait 15 more days thing and nothing happen. I did nothing to my ex, and he admits it. He had a literally sudden realization after a minor fight that he didn’t want to get married, despite a 5 year relationship where he said he did and then crying and begging me during our fight not to break up with him. I literally did nothing and this ass thinks he can not talk… ever I suppose. Any help here beyond the wisdom of this website because I have read every thread entirely.

admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:33 pm

Man nothing is working?

That sucks.

Ok, be patient. Lets you and I come up with a text you can send him that will get a response.
Lindsey

October 24, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Short of someone has died, which would be a lie. I’m not sure I can get him to respond to any message. I gave him the old “You are not going to believe what I just found out”, I tried ” Guess who I saw at such and such a place”. I think he believes not talking to me is more kind, because I told him before our no contact that I didn’t want to break up and that if he didnt’ want to get married right now that was ok but he still said horrible things and I truly think he did it to let me go on without him. How do you get someone to talk whose MO is that.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Alright slip back into NC for another month. We need to reset things here a bit.
Lindsey

October 25, 2013 at 2:16 am

At what point does no contact became a moot point? I give him one more month he may forget about me, or not care I’m gone. I was a great girlfriend the thing I thought would make him come back would be to realize how much he truly missed me. It has almost been three months. If he doesn’t miss me now he never will. I’m dying on my side, my life is falling apart without him and I’m suppose to just keep waiting. I have dated other guys, other guys suck. Much of our society sucks. I liked this guy because he valued family, and we had a mutual respect. I can’t believe he is putting me through this hell, I just want it to all end and I’m suppose to keep waiting?How is this helpful?
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:03 pm

If you keep doing NC over and over agian successfully and he doesn’t even repsond to your responses after NC.

lily

October 22, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Hi my boyfriend said we cannot go on together anymore cos his family is not agreeing to our marriage… he broke up with me a week back and there are no signs of him getting back to me… what do I do

admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:52 pm

Why does his family have a say in who he marries?
lily

October 24, 2013 at 6:09 pm

They are very religious and they aren’t agreeing cos our horoscopes aren’t matching… he said he tried enough but they arent going to agree…
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:21 pm

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

They are psycho… no joke that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
lily

October 25, 2013 at 6:19 am

Please can you tell me how to get him to talk to me again… i miss him way too much
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:11 pm

Haha have you read the chasing/talking articles on this site?

L

October 21, 2013 at 4:36 pm

What if we have broken up for like 2 years but I still miss/love him? He got a new gf like around the time we broke up. (I don’t think they lasted long though) I did NC after we broke up and tried to contact him a few times in the past 1.5 years but he didn’t seem eager. The last time I texted him, he didn’t respond. I tried to be friends but he didn’t react to it! What to do?!?
I don’t even know what he has been going through these 2 years. I suffered from depression. I wonder if he hates me or what.

I’ll give you some background info. We were together for almost 2 years; we lived together for a year. I thought we loved each other. I’m pretty sure he’s the love of my life. I’m not sure about what he felt. Our relationship went downhill within 2-3 months after we started long-distance. Trust disappeared. Suspicion, tantrums, his betrayal… I never had a proper understanding of the whole thing, which hurt me really bad.

Please help. I’ve been single since then. I lost hope. I feel like I’ll be alone forever without him.

admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:09 am

Has he been dating this gf for 2 years??
L

November 15, 2013 at 6:31 pm

Hi, thanks for replying! He moved back to my city 2-3 months after we broke up, which means that he only spent 2-3 months together with that girl. I heard that they kept it long-distance for a while and probably didn’t last, but I’m not sure. The long distance would be as hard as ours because there’s a Pacific Ocean in between. I’m really sad that those few months tore us apart, and that we’ve never met each other again even if we are in the same city.

Although he was wrong on the cheating part, I was wrong too. I was very stressed at that time because of studies and the long-distance relationship, and we had some bad fights which very much harmed our relationship.

We were each other’s first proper bf/gf. We had so much together. We were like best friends before we got together. He’s probably the only guy I’ve ever met that I don’t have to hide anything from. I have really missed him as an important person in my life. I want him back in my life as a good friend if not a boyfriend.

We basically don’t contact each other anymore. He wanted to remain friends when we broke up. But I unfriended him on fb coz I was too upset. Now I only see him on skype and whatsapp sometimes. I do think he was aware of my existence and somewhat cared? Once he put up a RIP status with an angel icon on the same night my grandpa died. And on my birthday last year he sent a message to me on msn. I tried to engage him into a conversation but he didn’t respond. This year he didn’t even contact me. The last time I contacted him was that I sent him a heartfelt message on whatsapp for his birthday this year. I just couldn’t stand it anymore and told him I miss him as a person and wish to be friends. I also said that I won’t bother him if he hates me. He never responded. And I think I got the answer. I decided not to contact him again. I just don’t get why he doesn’t grow up, put things behind and just be cool. I was so hurt and suffered from a year-long depression, but I was brave enough to stand back up and look beyond the negative parts of the relationship. Why can’t he do the same? We had great times in the past. Doesn’t he care at all?

It’s been 2 years and I feel like we probably won’t see each other again in this life.
admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Youve read the LDR post I made?

Ally

October 18, 2013 at 3:27 am

I need HELP!! So I dated a guy for 10 months. We broke up in August but remained bestfriends and sometimes acted like we were still together. Well I have some issues that I thought were healed but towards the end of our relationship it came back up and I ended up pushing him away, not on purpose. So Friday he told me we couldn’t be friends anymore because he couldn’t handle the drama and stress it came with. And then he blocked my number. I’ve tried to not contact him but I haven’t been successful. I’ve voxed him apologizing and telling him how I will improve my actions but he hasn’t responded.Its veen 6 days, the longest we have ever gone without talkong. f he needs his space that’s okay I just don’t know if this is a permanent thing?? But I would like to know so I can move on if I don’t have a choice. I really wanna be a better person so we can be good friends because he meant a lot to me. What do you think?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:50 pm

I AM HERE TO HELP!

Sorry couldn’t resist.

At this point give him space. You may need to do the NC rule withough the slip ups haha.

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