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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Alina
October 25, 2016 at 8:41 am
Dear Amor,
Sorry that I Write again, you helpedme so much, I love the articles! My exboyfriend lives now in an Other country, he have said maybe one year of longer, maybe he comes back Home. We only could see each other if one of us is flying with a plane, a 2 Hours-flight. I wanted to make the NC for one year, but I’ve Broken it, to ask him how it is To live there. We now write to each other, he is sending me funny videos and such stuff, but I Want to Break up the contact now for a year, because everything else don’t make sense to get him back or and to reattract him, and because I don’t Want a Long distance relationship.An other reason for that is, I think he will met other Women. Ma goal is,that he misses me and start to chase me, of not, I Write to him in a year. I ask you for advise, should I Tell him, have a good time I wish you the best (like it is an end) or should I Witting nothing at all, and we stay like we have a friendship? How to you think He will miss me?
Alina
October 27, 2016 at 11:43 am
Yes, I meant that we now are writng with each other like friends, he writes a lot, no flirt. My Plan is, I want to break up the contact now, and after one year I will contact him, because he is there and I am here and I dont want to be the friend, while he is with other women maybe. My goal is, that he misses me, see that Im a UG, and he contacts me first…but if not, I will in 1 year, to test the waters with him. How I make this Happen?…If I dont Write To him anymore (and he thinks that I’m a friend and he could write anytime to me, or If I Tell him have a good Time there and that it were better that we two break the contact…maybee you find both models not that good… -.-
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 10:53 pm
oh, just stop replying.. continuing to talk to him, just means continuing to be friendzoned
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Hi Alina,
It’s ok! You can write anytime! I didn’t get your last question.. You mean,, you’re thinking about either staying friends or just stopping to talk to him?
Shelby
September 27, 2016 at 2:20 am
My ex and I broke up three months ago and since then I successfully completed NC for 30 days, only speaking at work. On the last day of NC, he reached out to me at work and asked to hang out. We got dinner and it was like nothing had changed. Since then we’ve hung out a few more times over the course of two weeks and I was starting to get the vibe that he wanted to try again. Then when I tested the waters, he made it very clear that he did not want to get back into the relationship but still wanted to be friends. So do I restart the 30 NC? Every time I’ve tried to ignore him since then he’s blown up my phone demanding to know it we’re still friends. How do I get myself out of this so he doesn’t just seem me as his emotional dumping ground?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Shelby,
Reverse friendzone..be friendly but dont be too available.. date others too.. I think you asked too early.. looks like he was just getting interested
Jessica
September 26, 2016 at 7:40 pm
Hi
So here’s the thing..My ex told me that he’s really not in love anymore and made it clear ! It’s been now 3-4 months since the break up. He gave me a lot of mixed signals.( Sometimes he regret it sometimes he don’t) Now He clearly said that he don’t want to be with me anymore since he has no more feelings for me. but he still care about me and wants me in his life. ( we did sleep together but then I made it clear that I didn’t want to be fuckfriends but he still trying to have sex with me) He’s dating a lot of girls and almost got into a relationship but didn’t work out. I was suppose to give him all his things but now he don’t rush me to get them back. Matter of fact, he kind of want me to keep them…Overall he sees me as his best friend.. But I want him back and it’s kind of hard to be friends when I know I want more and he knows that I still have feelings for him But I’m trying to act normal like a friend cause I don’t want to destroy our relationship. He wants to hang out and cuddle. I feel like he’s hot and cold with me. Once I said that I prefer to not be friends cause I just can’t handle it and he was very sad and did’nt want me to leave him. Recently he said that even tho I’m mad at him or I have a new boyfriend or whatever he will be in my life and stay friends no matter what. What sould I do ? I’m trying to move on and im trying to date but he always come back in my life and he always ask questions about my love life.
Jessica
October 1, 2016 at 2:49 pm
Alright then ! thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 4:27 pm
You’re welcome!
Jessica
September 28, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Ps: All this time I try to convince myself that it was over and that I needed to move on. ( He kept saying that It was over between us and he didn’t want a relationship with me .. He said that I’m the most amazing woman he ever met in his life ..im perfect for him But he’s not in love anymore but he loves me as a friend ) He also said that something was broken and he don’t know what exactly since I was nothing but good to him. We did saw each other a couple of times and I can’t see that he’s still attracted to me ( He said that I look good , im beautiful and keep saying that I can have a man just like that if I want it to ..and he’s always trying to kiss me or poke my butt and saying oups im sorry and I reply stop doing that we are not together anymore. he also said that he love being with me because he is confortable and it make him feel good and happy.. …All that but still don’t want to be with me as his girlfriend and he’s dating around.. I don’t know how I will make him want me back ( I already did the NC for 15 days he called me a lot ,,txted me… inbox me via Facebook and I crack and respond he was blowing my phone)
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 11:02 am
hmm..I dont think 15 days was enough.. since you already did it, it would be better to do 45 days as a last resort.. and just focus in improving yoursef
Jessica
September 28, 2016 at 3:23 pm
I want him back ! But at this point I dont know how to start .
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 7:45 am
HI Jessica,
So, what you do really want? To move on or to try again?
Sophie
September 19, 2016 at 9:53 pm
Hi,
So My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago.i successfully completed the no contact rule. we spoke and then met up to return each others things but he claims that I was a good friend and he wants to keep that part of our relationship. Since then I have had minimal contact with him and on one occasion I confronted him about being just friends to which he replied I havent friend zoned you. He has other issues in his life,so do I wait patiently or is he just keeping me sweet and only sees me as a friend?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 4:47 pm
Hi Sophie,
If he didnt friendzoned, that means he is willing to try.. But if he is willing to try, you would feel it.. So I think he did friendzone you, he’s just being defensive because you confronted him… try what’s advised above.. Reverse friendzone him
Alina
July 18, 2016 at 10:47 pm
Hello Chris and Amor,
I write from Germany and like your Site! maybe my situation is a little bit complicated.
I was with my boyfriend in a relationship for one year, he broke up with me, no fights, but I dont give him his Space. He said that he can’t fulfill my expectations (I didn’t tell him any). Ok Ive accepted. After a month he was in a rebound relationship for a half year, then he broke up with that girl. I didn’t have any contact with him during this time. Then, after this half year I call him and ask him if we go out for coffee, we go and it was great. I want him back, I think I’ve made mistakes because, I’ve count my chickens too soon, because after that date I Wanted to go on a second, but I was clingy, we write only in wahtsapp and Ive waited till he ask me out again, but it didn’t happen. I think he Puts me in the friend zone, he was friendly and I wrote with him for 4 months, then I asked him out for a coffee again and I wrote to him that I want to be in a relationship with him, and he tells me thats not a good idea, we should go separate ways. ok then I do NC for almost 4 months (110 days). During this long NC I have been on one date, noting physically. I have a good time with my friends and all that. And during the NC, I’ve met a Second guy and we are writing with each other Till now. I think he flirts with me. I contacted my exboyfriend after these 4 months and ask him about his job and we wrote a little bit again, (about 5 days) he was friendly and he writes quiemte Long Textes but we didn’t flirt, we write and I told him that I have my free day at work, and he asked me if I could do him a favour and if I could write an Email to a University to ask one question, because he write to them already and doesn’t want to write again. I have done that. (I have the feeling that he puts me in the friend zone). ok, then I’ve discovered your wonderful site, and so I decided to make again a NC for 21 days, (because a) he treats me like a friend and because b) Ive must learn for my test at the university, so I can’t write with him to build rapport-leads-to-phone-calls etc., I haven’t the time for this, so I decide on this point to make a 21- NC. ok, the next day, I and the guy, which I’ve met, write about that we go out on a date, Ive told him, ok, but I can only today, because of my learning for my tests, he said he can’ on this specific day, and we said ok, when my tests are over, then…
On day 10 I`ve broke the NC with my exboyfriend (sorry) and write to him just ordinary things like what he is doing and about the news in the world and so on (2 days contact) then during this conversation he tells me how he met some girl and that she likes him and wants to be with him but he doenst and that he cuts off the the contact with her and tells me about an other woman, who is beautiful and that she wants to met him but he have said to her:maybe someday…(he was tryn to make me jealous and /or wants that I know that he’s such a great catch. During this conversation he wasn’t flirty with me, but very courteous and it is clear that he likes me, I send him an funny pic of me and he writes something sweet and quite long and creative about that, the last sentence came from him, Ive don’t answer on it, but it wasn’t a question or something,(I still feel the friendzone)…I feel that I must make again make to 21 days, now Im on day 12, I want to make a good NC, and after that, building rapport with my exboyfriend…. Now my tests are over and I want to have a good time with my friends..a) should I go with the other guy in a Date? And b) do you think I should make 21 or 30 days and treat my ex boyfriend like a friend?
Alina
September 29, 2016 at 9:12 am
Dear Amor,
i feel very hopeless for me and my ex boyfriend. I didn’t think that I’ve done everything right in the recovery process. I reverse friendzoned him; but then I’ve Fall into text gnatting. Je have said to ne yesterday that he don’t believe me that I see him only as a friend. Of course, I’ve denied it. And he said to me that I will found someone who is the right for me and that he thinks that many Guys want me to be their girlfriend. Now, like You said, I will focus only on myself for 1 Year (he will live in an other Country soon, maybee he stay there). On the ohne Hand I have the feeling that I should give up forever and on the other hand that I have one last shot with the 1year No contact, because everytime I’ve been written to him, he answers, and he keep the conversation with me and at a Time (end 2013) I was ignoring him of we saw each other and then he asks me for dating again. Maybee this works again. So, would you give up or not? And should I delete his phone number?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 10:04 pm
For me, don’t delete his number but start to live more for yourself than to try to build rapport now. Because if you’re going to do nc for 6 months or a year, then you should start the routine that you will be doing in that year..
Alina
August 24, 2016 at 7:18 pm
Hi Amor,
I treat my exboyfriend like a friend right now, and he is very Sweet to me, sometimes je flirts, sometimes Not, and the same I do too, but no Dates -.- He told me, that he will live in an other Country, how could I build attraction? he have said that he want to go on a coffee with me when he emigrate. right now he is here, for some months. I dont know how to act, I want to go on a Date with him now. How to make this? And if he dont want to commit, how can I go out of the Situation, as an ungettable girl? Should I go on this coffe Date? Thank you, Amor
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 6:00 pm
I want to answer that from my own words but it would be too long for this and the articles Chris made are more on point.
Review this very article and check out this ones too:
The Ungettable Girl
What Really Attracts An Ex Boyfriend To You?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 20, 2016 at 1:22 pm
Hi Alina
Actually, the more you do nc, the less it”s effect.. and what’s more important is that you really improve in health, wealth and relationships aspect.. if he doesn’t see you as an ungettable girl, he will just continue to friendzone you.. and because of the repetitive nc, 21 days is not enough.. he will just see it as another pattern of yours.. to be honest it may take a long time and a big improvement from you.. maybe after another 6 months or 1 year
k
April 21, 2016 at 2:29 pm
In summary, my boyfriend of two years and I broke up a little over a month ago. Since, I have been pouring over the Ex Boyfriend Recovery’s articles. My ex is 5 years younger than me. I am 27 and he is 22, turning 23 this coming September. He broke up with me (according to what he’s told me) because: he felt that the relationship wasn’t for him anymore, he is 22 and feels that there are things he wants to experience that I have already experienced myself since I am older than him, that he didn’t feel the same about me as he felt at first and that he wasn’t “as in love” with me as before, that I demanded too much of his time and acted childish if he wanted to be alone/spend time with friends, and that he felt like what I needed he couldn’t provide to me.
Although I am older than him, the truth is that we shared the same life goals, values, and beliefs. Neither of us were wanting/ready for kids, we both were consciously focused on saving money to travel together, and I never pressured him in to moving in together, engagement, marriage, etc.. as those are all things that I am in no rush to pursue either. In fact, if any of those topics were ever brought up while we were together, it was him initiating it and making comments about how “when we move in together” etc.. Before we officially started dating, it was I that had the issue with the age difference at first but after getting to know him more, he displayed more maturity and better relationship skills than anyone I had dated within my own age group.
Overall, we were very happy throughout the relationship aside from minor bickering arguments which was not a big deal to me as I know that, that happens naturally in every relationship. We did not have a volatile relationship by any means. There was no promiscuity, infidelity, lying, deceiving. We were very close and talked all day every day and I felt as though I truly was someone that he “needed”. We never let the flame die. Little things were done to make each other happy on a regular basis and without complaint.
I was blindsided by the breakup. In fact, there were no inclinations aside from when he would get mad at me for being upset about things (natural in a relationship) that he was at the point of leaving me. The night he ended things we had even spent the whole night together with dinner and a movie only for him to go home at the end of the night and end things stating he had “been thinking about it for a while but was scared to do it”.
After the break up I naturally pleaded for him to give me a second chance to not be so demanding of all of his free time- I know that was something that I needed to work on anyways. But, of course, he would not hear it. He responded to everything I said but the responses were things along the lines of “I don’t want to fight or ever be enemies with you”, “This is sad and truly a loss to both of us”, “This is not easy. You were a huge part of my life and taught me many life lessons”, and even “I don’t want you to ever change. How you were with me was not bad, you were perfect!”. So, then why did you break up with me if I was so perfect? He went as far as saying that he doesn’t want me to burn the bridge between us.
After 14 days and breaking my NC period once, I decided that I would really commit myself to a 30 day NC period. I am currently on day 10 and have stuck to my guns. During he has contacted me twice. Once with a “Miss ya” and next with a “Hey”. But nothing else. The “Hey” was six days ago now.
I do want him back and for all of the right reasons. Because I have had a good amount of relationship experience, I do know that the type of relationship we had together was something worth salvaging because we are very good partners/could have a very, very good future together. And I feel as though he is suffering from the grass is greener syndrome.
To make matters a little more complicated, I am best friends with his older sister. She has taken “my side” a little more than his on the whole break up because she loved us together, thought that we were a perfect match, and thinks that the reasons he used for breaking up with me are wrong. We continue to hangout regularly and promised that we wouldn’t let anything change between us, and we haven’t. Before I initiated NC with him, he had asked how I would feel if we were both to be at his sister’s house at the same time, mentioning that he had no problem with it. Clearly, I would. I said that scenario would never happen and he got upset indicating that he isn’t able to “have fun” because I am “always” over there (his best friend is renting a room out of their house for now as well which adds another complicated layer onto things). I simply told him that I was living MY life day to day and doing whatever I am invited to do so I am sorry if he feels like he can’t have fun because of that.
But before I drag the details on any longer than I already have. Basically, I plan on using all of Chris’s tactics to attempt winning our relationship back. However, I am concerned that BECAUSE he wants to be “friends” or is “okay” with being acquaintances, me initiating contact with messages seeming like I am ALSO “okay” with being friends will ultimately land me in the friend zone and for me that simply won’t do. I have never and will never be able to be just friends with an ex. No exceptions. I fear that by initiating contact with the text message examples Chris suggests using, it will seem like I am willing to be just friends and/or be there for him whenever he wants me to be.
I’m not okay with having “us” become just a memory. Or a lesson learned.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 5:04 am
Hi K,
it will depend on how you are before and during the texting phase.. If you’ve become more on independent and portrayed that and be the one to end the convo in high note, it’s okay to initiate.. and also, if you’ve ended the convo in high note, more likely he would want to hear the rest of what you last talked about and be the one to initiate.. if you’re having positive convos, he will more likely initiate after your first attempts of texts.. like maybe after initiating 2-4 texts because if he really doesn’t, you will know it by the way he communicates with you if he has friendzoned you.. if that happens.. then move on from him..
Anonymous
April 11, 2016 at 3:18 am
I was with my ex for 5 years and we broke up almost a year ago. With that said, i still had to see him all the time as we had bills and whatnot in each others names. It was really hard for awhile and i acted very desperate because i couldnt understand why he wanted to break up. He kept saying he just needed some time and everything would be ok, but then it wasnt so i would freak out everytime i saw him for awhile. During our break up he has surprised me with gifts here and there, and reaches out at least every other week usually with a text of something funny and asks how i am. But in the beginning 6 mths it was me reaching out, crying, and just trying to figure out what was happening. In the last 4 months i have stopped trying to work on things and just been trying to work on me but i still see him once a month for like an hour, we talk (and sometimes a little more, but he is fine if we dont, doesnt seem to care anymore, but he will still kiss or hug me before leaving). I have never gotten mad or did nc..i was too sad and lost without him for no contact. I feel like i am in the friendzone and worse, i have been here so long i dont know if its even possible to get out now, and have put a bad taste in his mouth with my desperation. Although we talk and i see him, we have not been on a date or even so much as watched a movie together since we broke up. I really dont know how to move forward. Our break up was really both of our faults, and i see now how much i needed that time, we were both dealing with very highly emotional situations in our lives, but i would like to try to see if there is a possible future there but right now he is probably looking at me as a friend, or an idiot who stuck around for no reason. Can you help? I know i need to respect myself more and require it from him but i dont know how and its hard because we are on good terms, but i am really out of sight, out of mind for him unless he hasnt heard from me in a couple weeks and he is bored (it seems like). He now says he wants to be friends and see where it leads us but he doesnt reach out or try to spend time other than when we have to see each other. What do i do? Or is he just trying to be nice and not hurt me but he is moved on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 1:08 pm
Hi Anonymous,
start with doing new things, building new hobbies, joining new classes or volunteering, meet new people..In short, build a new routine and life.. Don’t focus on not contacting him, focus on being the new you..
Really Confused...
March 31, 2016 at 3:39 am
Wow, it’s amazing how well NC works!
Long story short, I did a two month round of NC last year, called my ex, to which he didn’t pick up his phone. But he did call me back like 30 seconds later (apparently I called him as he was just getting home). Our communication was ok, we talked like nothing had changed between us, but I was doing most of the contacting.
So I decided to do another round of it this past month since I felt I was chasing. I actually didn’t intend on it lasting as long as it did because of school. But I sent him a text wondering how he was doing (something basic) earlier this week with no response. But I just got a call from him with concern in his voice. He asked me why hadn’t I responded to his text earlier today. And I was like, you texted me? Lol I didn’t know he did until he said it. He told me he was worried because he didn’t hear from me. That really surprised me!
We talked for a bit because he had to get back to work, but hinted at us continuing our conversation later this week. As I’m writing this, I’m still in shock how this all works lol.
Even though I’ve done this process before, it ended with me doing the chasing. Though this time, this particular incident feels different. So what should I do at this point so it doesn’t end up like it was before?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 9:59 am
If you mean by chasing that you’re the one initiating contact always, that’s alright. As long as you have a good convo and that you’re the one ending it. I think you should even try to continue the calls or step up to meet ups.
Meg
March 23, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Hi! I need some help. My ex and I broke up at the end of January after 8 years together (we broke up once about 4 years ago). When we broke up in January he told me that he wasn’t sure if we would get back together, but that he wanted to still be my friend. I went into NC for a little over 30 days, did the initial contact text and got a positive response. I sent another text a few days later, and had another positive response. I texted him today trying to start a conversation hoping to eventually lead to the good memory text. He responded at first, and then said “so with the random text messages, does that mean you are ready to be friends?”
What do I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 1, 2016 at 2:37 pm
Hi Meg,
sorry for the late response.. Tell him yes..
B
March 17, 2016 at 2:21 am
So I apologize with the long post. My ex and I were together for a little over a year, he joined the Air Force and within 2 months of our relationship he went to Basic Training and did not come home until the holidays ( so 10 months ). I saw him at his Basic Graduation and I went out to see him during one random weekend. I am on day 26 of NC. My ex bf has not reached out to me, I have not reached out to him. We had a “break”up ( not a real breakup ) on New Years day. He told me he wanted to breakup then a week later we talked via phone and he said it was more of a break, he has to get his feelings figured out. He wanted to be with me, he loved me. He just felt it was unfair for me to be with him while he’s in the military, he would be deployed for random amount of months for random times of the year, and being “shacked up with him” aka waiting back home in the states for him was “unfair” to me. He felt like he wasnt good enough for me and that I could find someone local and better than him. At first I thought this was just a self-esteem issue, so I told him that while he was stationed half across the country for about another month and a half that he could think about it and when he saw me in person the next month he would need to have himself figured out or we would cease to talk entirely and I would have to think about being friends with him. So, a month and a half went by and he told me his feelings havent changed. He still loved me/cared about me, but he still felt he wasn’t good enough, he still felt that it was unfair for me to be with him while he goes off to whatever deployment, but he wanted to be friends in the meantime. And that maybe, once he was further in his career and more grounded, and If I was interested/not dating someone, we could get back together and continue with the relationship. Now not to make this more complicated, but on New Years Eve, he was even telling me how he wanted the relationship to “blossom” in 2016, how he was hoping to be a good year for me and him. And then he goes and does this on New Years Day and then the “official” breakup in February? Like what in the world is going on? Like I said I started the NC, I have not tried to reach out, he has not tried either. I blocked him from Facebook and Twitter because I couldn’t ( at the time ) handle seeing any of his information, but he even told me to unblock him. I feel like I could be put into the “Friend Zone” because he said he wanted to be in friends “in the meantime” but all I want to do is be with him and be that military wife. I have read so many articles on your website, from Long Distance Relationship situation, The Army situation, Texting 2.0, no contact 2.0, listening to this podcast, how to handle insecurity. Please help me out. Will the texting 2.0 be the best thing for me? Will the reverse psychology work from the Friend Zone? Because hes long distance ( he’s 2 states away from me ), should I be trying to think of a Skype call than trying to do a In person “small” encounter? I am so lost.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 8:27 am
Hi B,
it’s ok.. just share to us whatever you can that can help lighten the feeling.. take it step by step.. For now be active and active in posting it because that will help make him miss you.. and then initiate messaging him after nc.. So, for now active nc first
Marie
March 11, 2016 at 7:22 pm
So I successfully completed 26 days of NC on my ex. I picked 26 days because we didn’t really have a horrible break up and I didn’t do the begging/pleading deal. I stopped talking to him right after the breakup. He texted me twice in that period of time of the NC rule. It wasn’t anything about the relationship, he was just trying to make small talk. After the NC I texted him, and he called me out for ignoring him and said “Now I hear from you? All these days later?” Which I quickly changed the subject to something more upbeat and then ended the conversation with a “talk again later.” (I hope it’s a good sign that he literally counted the days it took me to respond back). The next day I did the “story” text and he was positively responding both days, within minutes while I waited a while to text back. I’ll admit that on the 2nd day, I didn’t end the conversation like I should have. Here’s the issue: when he broke up w/me we both agreed it was for the best to work on ourselves and that we were going to remain “friendly.” I’m concerned he was just reaching out to cash in on the “friendly” card. It was just small talk he was trying to initiate, and even when we texted, it was more “friendly” then I would have liked. I’m concerned that I was put into the “friend zone” category just because I agreed to it during the breakup. I clearly don’t want to just be his friend. I know I have to build attraction and not be too available for him. My question is how do I build attraction when he doesn’t seem open to it? How can I send him reminder texts (if he thinks I’m just trying to be friendly back) without freaking him out that I’m trying to get him back? If he catches on to that, he’ll distance himself. How do I build attraction through texts if he only wants to talk about casual things and never brings up the relationship on his own? I am so confused and lost at this point. I want these texts to end up on the right path that gets him chasing me again, but I just don’t want to screw it up in the process. Please help!
Marie
March 21, 2016 at 7:06 pm
I still need help! We went for a quick bite to eat last Tuesday and everything was fine, we both enjoyed the time I felt. Two days later he asked if I wanted to do something that day and he had it all planned. It went amazing also, we even went to dinner afterward and he seemed pretty flirtatious, saying I looked pretty and play fighting with me. We went back to his place and watched a movie where he grabbed my hand to hold it and then kissed me and we cuddled for a few hours and I told him I didn’t want any mixed signals but he said they weren’t that he wanted to try and make things stronger. Him bringing up the conversation to put more of an effort into our relationship to make it last. It seemed perfect. The next day he started acting distant, took hours to reply to my texts and wasn’t very flirty anymore. He texted me Saturday but the same thing happened, took hrs to respond and didn’t seem interested, yesterday was the same way. I texted him this morning with some exciting news, asked him how his project was going, still took a long time to respond. After he took forever to respond, I asked him if he was ok with talking everyday again just to make sure both of us were comfortable with it. He freaked out on me and told me to “chill out because we’re not back together and that if he wanted to talk to me he would do so.” I told him I wasn’t freaking out that I was just curious and then I promised to back off. What happened?! Is he stringing me along? Why the sudden change in less then 12 hrs? What do I do now? Start NC again? I know I have to wait for him to come to me but we were doing so well. I don’t get it. What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 28, 2016 at 5:46 am
Hi Marie
just give him time.. because of the date I think everything is well and maybe he was just bc.. don’t freak out.. do yiur own thing and then just casually text him.. if hr doesn’t respond or takes time to respond, take note of the time he replied and text t
him at the same time next time
Marie
March 15, 2016 at 6:15 pm
The only reason I asked if he just wanted an ego-boost is because I seem to mostly be the one initiating contact with him. If he really missed me, wouldn’t he be putting in more of an effort to chase me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 2:35 pm
That’s right Marie 🙂 But sometimes, the ego itself can restrain him from admitting he’s missing you..
Marie
March 15, 2016 at 3:24 pm
Ok, because I recently got the “were you seeing someone” text since I did the NC rule he thought I was seeing someone and that’s the reason why I was ignoring him then I got the “do you ever miss me” text. We broke up almost 5 weeks ago so how can I tell if he is being sincere in asking these things or if he’s just looking for an ego-boost/ playing mind games? We’re getting together this weekend for a quick bite to eat, but now I don’t know how to approach it since he asked me these questions. Are they genuine questions or just looking for me to lift his mood for a couple of seconds?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 4:02 pm
It’s hard to tell, based on how well you know him, maybe he’s jealous or really missing you? Don’t overthink, just make the meet up casual. Be light. Enjoy it. Don’t worry about it too much. Be happy because that’s a good progress.
Marie
March 13, 2016 at 11:09 am
He responds every time, and every time it’s positive so that’s not the issue. I just don’t want to be the only one initiating it. How can I get him to initiate contact without looking like I’m being desperate to talk to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2016 at 5:46 am
You can try to end the convo be telling him to remind you the topic you’re ending… like if you were talking about a webste for watching all kinds of tv shows, don’t give the link.. tell him you’re searching for it and then just to remind you if you forget..
or end the convo the climax of the topic so he would to ask about it
Marie
March 12, 2016 at 4:36 pm
I’ve been active on social media and actively been working on myself and I feel great. I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to continue to initiate conversations without him worrying that I have ulterior motives or that I’m being desperate for his attention or that he’s always on my mind. For example, how long should I wait in between him initiating contact with me and me initiating contact with him? If I keep doing it, it’s going to start to push him away I feel.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 4:42 am
You can try ouy Chris suggestions of first contact text style..think of his interests and choose which one to apply it with.
It’s okay to initiate, what’s more important is how the convo went, when you ended it and that you ended it.. At first keep the convo short and then start to build up day by day..
If at your first texy he didn’t reply, try again after 1 week, if he still.doesn’t reply try after 2 weeks, if not either you do 1 month nc again or longer or you try to move on
You can check this blog post out for better explanation and more tips
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
What To Do If You Get The Dreaded “No Response” After No Contact
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 12:46 pm
Hi Marie,
actually you don’t talk about the relationship to build attraction.. you have to present value and be gettable… it’s like being at par with his interests, that he can talk to you about them, and maintain being physically maintained, don’t text too often and be active in social media… present value like when you were when the relationship was just starting out
Sarah
March 2, 2016 at 9:34 pm
Hey Chris,
I’ve been reading your site for the past 2 months and feel you give one great advice. My situation is a bit complicated….I’m sure you’ve heard this before.
I met a guy three months ago and at first we was totally into me and then he slowly became less interested. I always initiated texts hang outs etc.
I feel.he has friend zoned me but when we hnag out we hnag out for like 6 hrs at a time and have an amazing time. It’s now day 5 no contact. I’ve only known him for 3 months how long should I do the NC for and should I use social media to get his attention during this time while trying to improve myself or is this a helpless situation? ??
Sarah
March 4, 2016 at 4:14 am
Do I do NC for 21 days then do social media after the 21 days or social media in the 21 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 11:31 am
try 21 days first..and yes be active in social media because that’s part of nc.. post there what you’ve been doing lately.. actually I remember you.. you were hesitant to do nc before right? Try it first before concluding..do it one step at a time and follow Chris’ advice in the blog post above
Really Confused...
February 25, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Yeah…after reading this, I think I’m going to do another round of NC, but maybe not for a full month. I did do a successful round of it months ago, for two months, and it seem to work then. Actually, I did everything, and I have gotten results. And even though nothing is “wrong,” I feel I’m doing a lot of chasing. Which, I’m not sure how that happened. It’s a bit discouraging, but I want things to move forward, whatever that may be (obviously I want to move forward with him, but if he’s going to be stubborn, then it is what it is).
Susanna
February 22, 2016 at 11:04 pm
What if you don’t KNOW if you are in the friend zone or not? My ex and I have been talking every day now, him initiating the conversation each time, but we have never spoken about our past relationship, so there is no way of telling in which direction this is heading. I don’t exactly want to be the one to say “so HEY, do you like me and want to get back together?”
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 4:54 am
Hi Susanna,
The purpose of texting is to build enough rapport to call, calls should build rapport for a date.. all of this while building attraction on the way.. the dates are the final step to have a greater impact on building attraction
hugo
February 18, 2016 at 4:08 am
Chris!
Hi, I am gay. Loved the podcast, and your advise. I read all this in other places about “escaping the friend zone”.
My issue is similar to Christina’s, however…me and Tom, are both from the same circle of friends. In fact, our group has a “group text”, we always do Brunch on Sundays and we all know form Country Line Dancing…Leaving that activity would be a solution, EXCEPT that I am the DJ for that. I am pretty much there every week.
What I am saying is that, I can try the NC rule…via direct text between me and him…but not when I get so much interaction with him from being in the same circle. How would you recommend the NC rule to be applied?
Thanks for the advice…I know, it’s a “different” scenario from what you normally get….but STILL I’d like to recover my EX- Boyfriend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 2:50 pm
Hi Hugo,
it can work in a way that you don’t talk to him directly and just stop being from havubg friendly interactions with him and be friendly with others.. the distance can also help adding mystery for to build attraction but also improve the way you look and explore other activities.. bond with other members of the group separate from him..
And when you get to talking again, don’t give all your time, bring more value and fun to the talk too..
Ani
January 4, 2016 at 3:07 pm
Hey chris,
So im just commenting to let you know, your articles are really helpful in making a broken heart feel hopeful.
I came upon this website few days back and as u guessed i was having an emotional turmoil and when i read your articles it gave me so much hope coz honestly i dont read or follow everything step by step but just having someone out there know how you feel and make you feel you still have a chance is just amazing.
Also i keep reading you articles over and over again everytime i get depressed like some sort of a manthra coz they give me alot of hope and get me through the day 🙂
So a heartfelt thank you
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 11:34 pm
I am glad you found them hopeful.
I’ll be honest with you. Ever since I started this website 4 years ago I didn’t think my content would have this much of an impact on people. I am honored to hear you say that.
I guess you are a fan of the podcast too.
Shai
December 14, 2015 at 10:25 pm
Hi Chris!
I was wondering if I should do the 30 day no contact or the 21 day no contact.
After the breakup, I continued to talk to him for three days, trying to work things out. After that, I did no contact for two weeks. Then, we talked for four more weeks, as friends. But I was doing all of the work initiating conversation, and I went into another week of no contact, after which I tried talking to him again. He was just as cold and distant as before, so I went into no contact again. I’m on day 14, but I don’t know how much longer I should go. He hasn’t tried contacting me at all, and I don’t think he will (he’s very very stubborn and prideful). We’re on winter break right now, and he’ll be in Georgia until later January. He had been talking to another girl, but she is here in Kentucky over break, and I want to build as much attraction as possible before he comes back for the spring semester (and before he gets to see this other girl again).
Would you recommend I go the full 30 days, or should I reduce it because I’ve done sporadic no contact before?
Thank you so much!
Vanessa
October 1, 2015 at 4:14 am
Hi Chris,
I am glad to see you have written about the “friend zone”. I have read a lot of your articles and I must say they are all well written (informative, practical and entertaining). I can say that you seem like a very genuine man and I was wondering if you could give me your input/advice?
I am about a week from ending my 30-day NC. (although I did call him once about what to do with my bike’s flat tire-it was very casual and I also smiled at him recently, he replied by saying “Not ignoring me anymore… nice”.)
Now I want to know what to do when I open that communication back up. In a way that would prevent the friend zone.
When we first broke up he told me and his family that he wants to remain “good friends”. He also said that he wanted to focus on discovering himself for a few years and that there could be a future for us then, but he doesn’t want me banking on that/”getting my hopes up”. Then again, judging by other things he said (in his calm demeanor), he seems very inclined to believe we are not meant to be together.
I feel like we were really good together and although I want to be there for him to give him the encouragement he needs to find himself, I also don’t want to drain out any future potential we have together. You talk about building an open and vulnerable communication with your ex in one of the articles and “being a constant in their life”, how does one do this without becoming friend zoned by an ex who is very open to friendship? Would it be that bad to be his friend (I am/was the closest friend he ever had and he isn’t one for having good friendships with girls)?
Wendy
September 17, 2015 at 11:21 am
Hi chris. I tried everything. He is confusing me. At one moment he is saying i love you and the next moment he tells how pretty his new crush is. He texts me everyday. He says he wants to be friends but i cant. I tried everything you said but everything backfires. Does this means its the end? Should i just give up? But i cant move on. I am stuck.
Chris Seiter
October 2, 2015 at 4:40 pm
Seems like he is giving you mixed signals.
Check out this article,
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-your-ex-boyfriend-says-vs-what-he-really-means/
lisa
September 15, 2015 at 8:31 am
so… I was really upset when I asked to see him and when he was free, at first my ex said okay yeah sure and now.. he is truly busy. And I suggested maybe during the week and he agreed. Anyway… I asked him if he missed me ( I know wrong move) and he said “yeah” but as he was busy cooking for his family on his mum’s birthday, he replied late. I then said “evidently not the same way i miss you” and i said to not lie to me again please.. (since he is very upfront and honest) he said ” i’m not very emotional as you know, i’d try not to miss a family member once they’re gone/passed. missing someone sounds like it could effect negatively.” (keep in mind… he got over the breakup easy.. he doesn’t dwell, he carries on and acts fine, because emotionally he is fine)
i later asked if he CARED or MISSED me? he honestly said ” i’d say i care about you yeah. Which is why i’ll be honest and say i don’t think i miss the relationship. You as a person I liked and miss in a way sure. ” i got offended but said thanks for being honest, he later said “It’s just not me, being in relationships. i still don’t feel like i did well” I then asked to start fresh and he said this isn’t the way.. ” well stop asking relo questions, because i don’t really like it” and then i did.. until I ASKED about the fresh new start and how he can’t treat me so poorly and be cold and to get to know him again, slowly no rush, he said “yeah sure we can be friends, ” I FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE.. and asked “but is really asking you if you’d ever give me a chance so bad to know? ” he said ” AT THIS POINT IN TIME NO, I’M NOT READY FOR THAT, WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN” (sorry for caps, showing his emphasis haha)
so to question you…. he isn’t emotional and hung up on the breakup, he is logical and I guess will be my friend and talk better… if he doesn’t want it now and wants to be free and do his own thing..
SHOULD i just ignore him and do NC rule? or be his friend and slowly be in his good books.. he didn’t say NO NEVER, I don’t see hope.. he made it sound like he wasn’t sure but dislikes relationships and isn’t good and personally isn’t ready..
lisa
September 19, 2015 at 9:28 am
he untagged himself from my instagram photo of us two from his birthday… it was on up until now.. 🙁
guess the whole “what if caring for you and liking you aren’t enough to want to be in a relationship” since … he’s busy with his own life… and doesn’t think he is meant for them..