How To Get Out Of The "Friend Zone" With Your Ex Boyfriend

275 thoughts on “EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The "Friend Zone" With Your Ex Boyfriend”

Mary

March 7, 2015 at 2:41 pm

Hey Chris!
Thank you a lot for this very useful audio.
I have done No Contact for three weeks untill my exboyfriend contacted me and I respected every advice you were giving, during NC and after it. Everything was going according to plan. But I got carried away because of some past issues that we had after a while and argued a lot with him. Now he is kind of distant and it seems that I am falling in the friendzone. How could I fix that to continue the process of getting him back again? How could I bring up the past together without causing damages?

admin

March 8, 2015 at 2:34 pm

I think it depends on doing it subtly…

Like don’t be too aggressive when you bring it up.
Mary

March 7, 2015 at 4:56 pm

By the way, when everything was fine he told me that he has strong feelings for me and suggested we get back together.

Jesse

March 7, 2015 at 12:53 am

Hi Chris! I’ve gotten your eBook and etc, and I was wondering if I could ask a detailed question…

…When my ex left, I was pregnant, and we had to have a lot of contact to figure out what to do about the baby. We ended up terminating and it brought us very much closer, into a friends with benefit situation probably a bit too soon. I haven’t really done a NC period, and find myself slowly being pushed into Friend Zone rather than FWB. He brings up the new girl and I act disinterested or devalued, but I’m not sure how to recover from this huge mis-step.

We live very close to each other and we have been in daily contact for some time, but he regularly mentions “friendly” etc. when I call him on say, kissing my forehead before bed, regular and constant hugging, cheek touching, or hand holding.

What should I do? Should I NC now? I don’t know how to fix this, I feel like I built something I can’t get out of…

admin

March 7, 2015 at 6:12 pm

I do feel NC is the smart way to go here.

Especially since you haven’t done it yet.

Jess

March 5, 2015 at 12:39 pm

Hi Chris
I probably post in most of your episode comments.
I have also voice messaged (last Tuesday I believe). I need some serious help.
I feel I fall in some portion of all of your episodes. That is with some portion of them at least. My ex and I were together for 13 years. 6 months ago he broke it off. He’s dating someone – I as a woman think it’s not serious because he still talks (texts) me. Sometimes with her in proximity of him.
Here is my struggles….I feel strong resistance from him. He’s told me he cares for me but no longer wants to be with me. He has never said “I’m not in love you”. But yet he is open to texting whenever he is available.
I feel I may be falling into friend zone because of the above statements.
I feel “the ungettable girl” at this point is impossible. I will explain…I suffer depression (diagnosed 2 months ago but untreated for 15 years). I right now am suffering a SEVERE episode that is bordering a manic state. The ex knows of the decent diagnosis and has said he is concerned for me. But to be “ungettable” right now is impossible. I’m really Broken due to my brain. Before this I was a runner, gym girl, dance classes, coffee nights at the local shoppe.

My question is HOW do I turn things better. How do I make me his priority (as you have mentioned). He wants to be there for me. And honestly right now I’m not looking for a boyfriend in the conventional way. I’m looking to get us back to where he cares for me — without the girlfriend — and while I get better we fix the issues we had? I’ve not been easy to live or love (I see that now) and I fear my untreated depression has played a HUGE factor in indiscretions, hurts, fears and anger that has grown I fear that he has put up a very sturdy wall blocking him from allowing me back in
Help please. He’s a good guy just have been dealt a bad deck. The both of us.

Again I have voice messaged, emailed and several posts 🙂
Voice message is Jess. My issue is an odd one I know

Thanks
Jess

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:39 pm

Hi Jess!

Sorry its taken me so long to get back to you.

I will work on your voice message next Jess.

I am going to post the next one on Monday so on Monday expect to hear from me.
Jess

March 8, 2015 at 10:49 pm

No need to apologize
We are all busy people. Sure you have a hectic day
Thanks for looking into everything.
Hope you have a great weekend.

Jess ☺️
admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:41 pm

Hi Jess, sorry for the late response.

I focused on content creation this week and am getting around to answering everyone right now.

Kristin

March 4, 2015 at 7:04 pm

he keeps saying we are we are done never will happen so that’s very bad isn’t it?

If he saids that we are done constantly then he doesn’t want me?

How do I get him interested?

It’s been 7 days of nc so far how long should I go?

How do I get past his resistance to even talk to me or date me again?

What do I do?

What should I do after now that he has a girlfriend?

Why did he said he wasn’t going to actively try to fix it this but he is not going to to push me away what does that mean?

When he said that is that bad?

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:22 pm

Its usually not great but it snot necessarily the end of the world.

30 days NC is what I recommend.
Kristin

March 7, 2015 at 5:44 pm

Also his friends think he. Is a dark place.

I just really want to know is history still on my side?

Do you think with your book and a self motivation book I have a good chance?

Also is this girl a rebound?
Kristin

March 7, 2015 at 5:38 pm

What’s not great?
Do I have a chance?
admin

March 8, 2015 at 2:42 pm

Yes you have a shot.
Kristin

March 8, 2015 at 4:12 pm

It’s weird cause when I went on this one date I don’t know how he can move on that quick because I didn’t feel anything
admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:26 pm

I doubt he can. He is just using her to distract himself from facing the music.
Kristin

March 13, 2015 at 4:49 pm

Also his friends think he is in a dark place but idk he seems dead set that we will never ever get back together

What do you think of it all?
Kristin

March 13, 2015 at 4:43 pm

After answering if she is a rebound

Do you think he doesn’t care really?
Also he has not updated his FB relationship status

What did he mean when he said he won’t really try and won’t actively push me away either?

Also last one what should be my first text to him?
There girlfriend lives with her ex and is ok with exes being friends.
History still on my side?
Also what percent is my chance?
Kristin

March 7, 2015 at 5:39 pm

Also
Is this girl a rebound?
admin

March 8, 2015 at 2:43 pm

Make sure you read my rebound relationship page to determine that.
Kristin

March 8, 2015 at 4:03 pm

I did but I m not sure like we were together 4 years on and off and it’s been 6 months since our break up and they have been together for a month he also hasn’t changed his Facebook relationship status

What do you think?

Also I went on a date and I really not a fan I really want him
admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:25 pm

What do you mean you are really not a fan?

Not a fan of going on a date?

I’m confused.
Kristin

March 13, 2015 at 4:34 pm

Well I just the date made me miss him more and they were friends before for like months. They both just got out of a four year relationship
Is she a rebound?
Kristin

March 22, 2015 at 5:29 pm

What don’t you buy?
Kristin

April 7, 2015 at 8:53 pm

What should I do with the dinner? Should I cancel it? How do I get him to see I’m better then her?
Kristin

April 3, 2015 at 12:18 am

We have dinner next weekend what can I do to show him I m better and highlight something his new girl doesn’t have?
Kristin

April 1, 2015 at 11:36 am

Can you please tell me what I should do now?
He said he only wants to be my friend if I changed and after the confession text I ruined the plan with asking for friendship he barely responded only cares about my well-being but no desire to see me just wants to be friends to not make it awkward but then saids if he has seen that I have changed then he would want to. He was miserable the last year of our relationship. How can I fix this please?

Ps still hasn’t changed Facebook status

PLEASE ANSWER
admin

April 2, 2015 at 11:42 pm

I think your pressing too hard right now.

Take a step back and ask yourself,

“Am I being perceived as desperate or needy?”
Kristin

March 31, 2015 at 8:28 pm

I think I am your first hopeless situation I mean he doesn’t care he wants me to change but won’t see it he doesn’t want to be a friend he has a girlfriend and we were on and off isn’t that all hopeless?
Kristin

March 31, 2015 at 8:25 pm

Ok so he responded to the message of confession that was good then the next one was keep him in convo kinda messed that up he didn’t seem interested and he said he only wants to be friends with me if I have changes I have in a lot of ways . We might be going to dinner next week but I am not his priority and he still hasn’t updated his Facebook status. I think I messed up on this by asking about friend ship and stuff so if we meet up how can I fix this? He doesn’t have any desire to be my friend or anything it’s like I need to show him I changed but how? Please answer all this HELP!!!
Kristin

March 26, 2015 at 4:50 pm

In gonna contact him what text should I use?
Kristin

March 24, 2015 at 8:12 pm

What about the girlfriend?

Should I worry about her?

Also what should I do my 30 days ends in 3 days

Help!!!!
admin

March 31, 2015 at 6:50 pm

Don’t worry about things you can’t control

That’s my philosophy.
admin

March 24, 2015 at 8:02 pm

He said it from an emotional place.

Have you ever said something you don’t mean from an emotional place?
admin

March 15, 2015 at 4:08 pm

You went on a date and it made you miss him more?

Is that what you are saying?
Kristin

March 24, 2015 at 8:11 pm

He hasn’t liked anything of mine and he unfriended me and added me back in October everything seemed like it was moving towards something til January . December he said ” I don’t know of we can ever get back to where we were but I ll try and we will see”. I have no idea what that even meant and that was December and he got a new girl in January… What do you think? Please answer

Also please answer what about the girlfriend?!
Kristin

March 22, 2015 at 5:37 pm

What about the girlfriend and how wonderful he saids she is? And the we are never getting back together I don’t love you etc?
Kristin

March 21, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Also do I have any emotional pull?

My 30 days are up next week and with the girlfriend idk what texts to use please any suggestions?

And the big questions I don’t want to fail I know we can be together but he saids he is not in love with me. How can I make the most amazing effort where I have tried everything I can?

Also the question of what did you mean by medium shot number wise higher then 50%?
Kristin

March 21, 2015 at 3:22 pm

But that all doesn’t seem to be on my side.

Do you to think he meant it when he said he doesn’t care about me even as a friend?

All my friends say he has moved on and doesn’t care about me
He also hasn’t reached out.

Also how can after 4 years together it seemed like we had a lot of passion and now he doesn’t care at all how does that happen?
Help please!
admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:11 pm

No I don’t really buy into that.

I think maybe he is being overwhelmed by emotions (on top of your emotions)
Kristin

March 18, 2015 at 9:35 pm

How does the Facebook relationship matter?
admin

March 21, 2015 at 3:17 pm

Well, I wrote about that here,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/why-an-ex-boyfriend-wont-make-your-relationship-on-facebook-official/
Kristin

March 18, 2015 at 6:49 pm

Also he has not made their relationship Facebook offici does that matter?
admin

March 18, 2015 at 9:25 pm

To some extend it does beleive it or not.
Kristin

March 16, 2015 at 1:09 am

You know every time we tried to be friends we always got back together …I want that to happen again but with the new girl idk if there is a chance for me …is there?
admin

March 18, 2015 at 6:56 pm

Albert einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Yes, you may have gotten him back but it always led to a breakup. So, I think you need to compltely retool your approach so you can have that long lasting relationship you are craving.
Kristin

March 15, 2015 at 4:38 pm

Based on the information is she a rebound?
Do I have a strong shot?
Also I just he said he was so commuted to making this work then how can he get over me in 6 months?
What should I text first I do have your boom but idk which one to use
admin

March 18, 2015 at 6:24 pm

She probably is.

I would say based on the information you have a medium shot.
Kristin

March 15, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Yea I did miss him more
Kristin

March 8, 2015 at 7:52 pm

I also want to note he said he had to make himself go on a date he wasn’t really wanting to and she was his first date and now they are a couple

So me and him = together on off for 4 years first loves
We been broken up 6 months
Him and her together a month

It seems mathematically like a rebound but I want your insight please on if it is a rebound?
admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:39 pm

How fast did he meet the new girl because that factors into the rebound equation.
Kristin

March 5, 2015 at 9:51 am

He told me he feels like he keeps having to tell me we will never get back together doesn’t this make it in possible?

He is soo different from the man I know

Is this situation as impossible and hopeless as I feel it is?

I’m reading your e book and the secret. Any thing I can add to help?

Is this girlfriend of his a rebound ?

I am having a hard time emotionally removing the bad feelings any suggestions?

And lastly how do I remove the clutter and stress he feels around me so we can progress?

M

March 4, 2015 at 7:12 am

This is phenomenal!! You’ve given me such hope and inspiration with my current situation. What great advice! Thank you, Chris, for sharing such great insight with all of us lonely hearts ❤️

admin

March 5, 2015 at 8:37 pm

Thank you!

What was your favorite part of this episode?
M

March 6, 2015 at 6:46 am

I loved the entire episode, but especially the way you explain things. For example, your Einstein quote really hit home with me; it made me re-think how I’ve been doing things in my situation thus far. No wonder I keep going in circles with him for the past few months! I also love how you give a game plan at the end. That gives me hope that my situation isn’t impossible. I’m trying to work up the nerve to leave you a voicemail and maybe you can help me with my situation as well. I’m really enjoying your podcast and truly appreciate all you just put into it. It shows what a caring person you must be. Thank you, Chris, from all of us that are broken-hearted.
admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:51 pm

Sweet!

Glad someone listened to the Einstein quote.

Also, don’t be shy with the voicemail.

The more the merrier!

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275 thoughts on “EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The "Friend Zone" With Your Ex Boyfriend”