Does The No Contact Rule Work? Yes, Here's Why!

297 thoughts on “Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?”

Haylie

December 21, 2016 at 12:58 am

Hi guys!
So, my ex isn’t exactly a boyfriend, he is a friend/friend with benefits, but we really are good Friends and we love each other very much (although he is not “in love” with me). We were together like that almost a year. He didn’t use me for sex, I was the one initiating “the benefits” all the time. He said he cares more about our friendship and special bonding than sex.
Two months ago a friend of him returned from an 8 month journey and I started to see changes in him and to see how they interacted on facebook, and we started to fight. A week ago he confirmed that he has something with her and he wants to give it a shot. He said they talked about start a commited relationship but they seem to get along well like this for now.
Instead of beg, I did want I thought it would be the more mature thing, I told him that if that’s how he feels I undearstand, I won’t interfere, that I wish him luck with her but that I can’t continue as his friend ‘cause he knows I love him and it hurts me seeing him with another woman.
Truth is I’m not that kind, since I really want him to miss me and realize that he wants to be with me. I started NC but I broke it the first week, he started to text me like crazy, he said he miss me like crazy, he miss everything about me, that we are more than friends, we have something special, that he likes me and of course, that I turn him on. But he is still pursuing that girl. So I started NC for real. BTW, we work together and we see each other 3 times a week. We say a friendly Hi to each other but that’s it, NC.
BTW, I’m making improvements with myself. I’ve got my own house (I use to live with my parents). My clothes, hair, make up and body are sexier and he told me I look beautiful (but I said to him he can’t say those things to me anymore since he is searching something serious with another girl, and it makes me feel like the second woman) I’m not sure if I did a good thing with that or not.
My plan is to go NC for a month (NC would end just on his birthday but I’m not planning on break it), then start with all the texting thing, etc… and to be present on his facebook so this girl starts to feel jealousy like I did.
Is that too manipulative? Would that even work? Or he would hate me or forget about me for going NC on him? Since he wasn’t my boyfriend, I was the one who started the break up and he wants me around ‘cause I’m his special friend. I don’t know what to do.

Haylie

December 26, 2016 at 1:09 pm

Yeah, I won’t be his FWB. I’m trying to be his friend, we went for a coffee and he hugged me the whole time, kissed me on the cheek a lot and I think he almost try to kiss me on the lips, called me pretty, etc… but now he says we can’t interact with each other on facebook ’cause that would be problematic for his relantionship with this other girl. I don’t know how to make her jealous on facebook ’cause he will get mad at me if I try that
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 3:48 am

dont make direct posts of making her jealous.. just post you activities..your improvements are more than enough..
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 24, 2016 at 6:32 am

Hi Haylie,

theres no guarantee that nc will work but if you really want to change your image in him, dont ever be friends with benefits.. if you’ve re-attracted him, he will probably try that with you even if he’s pursuing the other girl because in his mind, you’re the girl who’s ok to sleep with even if there’s no commitmment.. so, that’s your chance to prove him that you will not be in that situation anymore by refusing..

Jai

December 19, 2016 at 7:07 pm

PLEASE HELP!!!
Me and my ex have been on and off for 3 years. He was my high school sweetheart. He friend zoned me in November so I implemented the no contact rule for 30+ days. It worked and we were on good terms everything was going perfect! This weekend I unexpectedly saw him in the store and we hugged and laughed like nothing happened. I was about to call a taxi but instead I asked for a ride home. He agreed. During the car ride he said he was ready to make up and gave me forehead kisses and held my hand. He dropped me off at home but I left my phone in his car. He decided to go through it and found that I texted another guy (nothing crazy just hello and it was once) this was during the no contact period so it was not cheating. He was very upset and told me that he ” didn’t want to mess with me like that anymore tbh but we are still friends”. I don’t understand why he is upset when he friend zoned me!? I want to be more than friends and I know he still loves me but I don’t know where to go from here PLEASE HELP!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 12:16 pm

Hi Jai,

what did you say about that text?

Suhani

December 18, 2016 at 3:06 pm

I met this guy 6yrs ago, we have been good friends and I started developing feelings for him, but he always friend zoned me out and after some months, we both started being in friends with benefits relation.. he never committed to me but we kept on continuing our so called benefits relation from past 5yrs, he left me twice and after his relation didn’t work he came back to me. Recently 3months ago, he ended everything and reason was he met someone new in his life. I was very much in depression, I came to this site and I read about no contact rule. Yes, I didn’t wish him Birthday nor contacted him by any means.. Day 26 of NC he texted me and he said he missed me and I didn’t wished him birthday hurted him most. And he confessed me that he misses me and wants me in his life but he likes someone too. This irked me, because from past 6yrs I have been waiting for this guy and he just used me. I was in depression, I used to stay home, cried for hours.. it took me a lot of courage to block him everywhere, I focused on moving on and I changed myself into a better person.. I coloured my hair, got new look..and he tried contacting me through our mutual friends, he stalked me through fake profiles and texted me I look hot, and for moment I only told him I hate him and I wouldn’t talk to him ever, he said he missed me, he wants me back as friends with benefits only.. he can’t promise me to commit and all I m doing right now is No contact rule from week, I don’t know what should I do? I really love him still.. how should I make him commit to me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 11:11 am

Hi Suhani,

you cant force him. The only approach is to refuse being friends with benefits. We train others on how they treat us. What you keep allowing is the reflection of your standards.

yumi

December 18, 2016 at 9:50 am

Hi,

My ex used to like all of my pictures on social media. But ever since we broke up he stopped doing it. He rarely posts comments on friend’s posts, now it’s like he always likes pictures of another girl and even post comments on it. I’ve started the no contact period btw. It’s been 2 weeks now. Before that he offered to become just friends because according to him he loves me but he’s afraid that he might hurt me again. I accepted the friendship but never contacted him again,nor did I hear anything from him as well. What is it now? It’s like I’m totally losing him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 12:00 pm

Hi Yumi,

how long were you together? Are you improving yourself? why did you break up?

Drea

December 16, 2016 at 4:31 pm

Hello,

I am currently in day 17 of the NC rule. So far Im understanding the point of me moving on from the breakup and not focusing/worrying about my ex(staying busy, talking to friends, etc). The feelings of the breakup are still there but with less severity. My ex broke up with me out of the blue for reasons I felt were not that serious. Wasn’t a bad breakup, just a lot of crying(from him) and I was in shock. Overall, we had a very happy and easy relationship. However, Im not sure if 30 days will be enough for me to actually be comfortable with talking to him again( and since he hasn’t contacted me yet). Im wondering if I should extend the NC for a while longer cause it seems as if he was just as confused about the breakup himself.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 19, 2016 at 6:06 am

Hi Drea,

it’s ok if you want to extend to 45 days

Maureen

December 15, 2016 at 6:01 pm

I finished the 30 day no contact rule . I texted my ex boyfriend first because I wanted to see how he was doing and how work was. He did text me back and we just texted back and forth, we only texted for about 30 minutes then I told him that since he has work early in the morning I will let him get some sleep. We both play Dungeons and Dragons online with people from work and we seem fine when we’re in character. After the game we talk for a little bit then we just say goodnight. Did I do anything wrong or shouldn’t I have made the first attempt to contact him.

Maureen

January 5, 2017 at 2:03 am

Amor: My ex boyfriend and I used to talk about what we both liked and disliked, what I did I my day off or when he was off, about what we would like to do on the weekends when I slept over etc.
But since we’ve been broken up for almost 2 months, it’s like I don’t know him anymore but we’ve known each other for 4 years. So I’m trying to talk about anything interesting. I truly still love my ex boyfriend and I believe that we are meant to be like Jack and Sally from the nightmare before Christmas.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 7:26 pm

That’s why it’s very important that you do something new and make new friends, not just because you have something to talk about in your life but because it helps you have a different perspective over things. The only way to build rapport is to connect. if it’s just conversations about how your days went, it’s like being in a boring relationship already. It’s ok to talk about your days but pick the fun stuff or talk about the topics that he likes in a different perspective. If he likes games of thrones, does he think the author will separate the tv series ending from the book ending or will he keep in mind that he’s not getting any younger and might just make the tv series a better ending than the book? something like that kind conversation..
Maureen

January 5, 2017 at 2:02 am

My ex boyfriend and I used to talk about what we both liked and disliked, what I did I my day off or when he was off, about what we would like to do on the weekends when I slept over etc.
But since we’ve been broken up for almost 2 months, it’s like I don’t know him anymore but we’ve known each other for 4 years. So I’m trying to talk about anything interesting. I truly still love my ex boyfriend and I believe that we are meant to be like Jack and Sally from the nightmare before Christmas.
Maureen

January 4, 2017 at 1:40 am

Amor: I don’t know if my first message got to you sorry if I’m repeating myself. I know he works crazy hours during the week and the weekends he sleeps and/or does errands as well. My question is what is your best advice to build a rapport so my ex boyfriend can seem interested in me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 4, 2017 at 3:17 pm

you really have to have good or fun conversations,.like being in the first stage of a relationship. When you like a guy and you got his number, how do you talk to him?
Maureen

January 1, 2017 at 9:44 pm

Amor: What is the best advice for building rapport? Because I’ve been having trouble understanding how to build up rapport. I still believe that my ex boyfriend still cares for me and he’s not saying anything. He can’t stop loving me just like that.
Maureen

December 30, 2016 at 6:59 pm

We rarely texted each other during the week and on weekends he doesn’t text me at all, because he says he sleeps and does things around the house or errands. I haven’t really make an attempt to text him because I’m scared.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 31, 2016 at 10:23 am

so, has it been just a week of texting? if yes, then that’s hardly long enough to build rapport
Maureen

December 28, 2016 at 2:31 am

We do talk after playing online role playing games. I do try to end the conversation on a high point, but it’s hard sometimes. I did improve myself by losing weight and changed my look a little bit. I know my ex boyfriend works crazy hours so I don’t bother him during the weekends. But it’s really hard to text him! But the truth is that I’m still in love with my ex boyfriend. And I did complete the 30 day no contact rule it was 45 days
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 5:36 am

Ah.. I meant how many weeks or days have you been texting? how many attempts did you make?
Maureen

December 27, 2016 at 12:19 am

I completed the 30 no contact rule. We do talk almost every Friday night. I do try to end conversation on a high point. I’ve been improving myself by losing weight and changing my look. We really don’t texted because I know that he works crazy hours and I don’t know when my ex boyfriend gets home so I don’t bother him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 7:23 pm

Hi Maureen,

how many times have you talked? Do you end it at high point? Did you maintain improving yourself? How many days have you been texting?

K

December 15, 2016 at 4:44 am

Hi my boyfriend of 3years broke up with me moved to new place and about 2months into the long distance relationship he broke up with me. I could feel something was off during that 2months we were separated by the distance. And when he broke up with me he was very determined and sounded like he really wanted the break up. And I feel like he didn’t even have any feelings left for him to move on from. Should I implement the nc on him because i am worried the longer i go without contacting him the more surely he will move on and there will be no chance later when I’ll be able to see him in person in march.

K

December 19, 2016 at 3:34 am

Since this is not my first time implementing nc on him, (yes we’ve been on and off..) i am really trying to focus on myself and things that make me happy. But how long should i go without contacting him? When do you suggest I start talking to him? But can I post pictures while I’m on nc? (I am not really active on social media and neither is he and he knows it)
Thanks!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 1:19 pm

oh no, by address, I mean identify what you can control, and change it. Like your routine, habits, activities. and he didnt forgot the app if he deleted it, that means he purposely doesn’t want to talk… so, either you move on, or take time and focus in changing
K

December 19, 2016 at 3:28 am

So.. are you suggesting that I shouldn’t go nc but instead talk to him about the problems we had? How can i not chase him but not do nc at the same time? I’m confused.. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 21, 2016 at 1:19 pm

oh no, by address, I mean identify what you can control, and change it. Like your routine, habits, activities. and he didnt forgot the app if he deleted it, that means he purposely doesn’t want to talk… so, either you move on, or take time and focus in changing
K

December 15, 2016 at 10:12 pm

We haven’t talked or tried to talk ever since we broke up 2weeks ago
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 17, 2016 at 2:55 am

ok, if you like he fell out of love already, chasing will not help. Doing nc will not make him suddenly change his mind.. there’s a chance that he will miss you but if you dont address the problems, they will arise again.. change yourself first because you cant control him.. you wont have a restart if you keep chasing
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 11:34 am

Hi k,

when did you break up? When did you last talk? Does he want to talk? Did you chase him? Are you friendzoned?

Lily

December 14, 2016 at 12:54 pm

Hi!
I haven’t had any contact with my ex for a bit more than a week now. We met up, I told him that I need to move on and I gave him all of his last stuff that had been at my place. He then said “I’m removing you from Facebook just so you know. If that makes it easier for you” And I replied that this was my intention, upon which I removed him everywhere right infront of him. He makes a comment “Yeah okay, you don’t need to do it now, you can do it later”. I finish, we give eachother a short hug, he tells me to take care and then I leave. My intention was to make him realize that he doesn’t “have me” and that maybe this way he’d start missing me. However, we’ve had no contact since. And I know for a fact that he’s in contact with his previous ex.
What would you advice me to do now?

/ Lily

Lily

December 23, 2016 at 7:21 am

Hi again! So it turns out he removed me after a few days when he saw me being really active and I posten quite a lot. He removed me after seeing me hang out with a guy friend of mine. Should I send him a friend request and keep on being active?
/ Lily
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 5:49 am

nope..dont send a friend request..just continue being active
Lili

December 16, 2016 at 11:04 am

Hi again! He contacted me asking “I thought you removed me everywhere but all of a sudden I see you in my feed”. And I broke the nc to answer him. Yes, I know I’m weak. What should I do now for best results? He can still see my feed.

/ Lily
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 18, 2016 at 6:31 pm

that’s good that he can see your feed..just restart the count of nc and continue being active
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 2:48 am

Hi Lily,

even if you removed him be active in posting in social media,just make your posts public because there’s a chance he will check it.. That means you have to be active in improving yourself..

Drena

December 12, 2016 at 10:05 pm

I am 24 hours into the NC. I was with a man for about 2 years now. His ex told him she didn’t think she loved him anymore then took his kid and moved to Florida. I had a feeling he was not over her so we broke up once and I went about my way. I didn’t have a lot of feelings for him at that time like I do now. But we got back together and he told me he thought that I was his one true love and he wanted to marry me. We have a really great relationship and connection. So we discussed marriage but planned for something for about a year later. He wanted his son to be there.

Well he called his ex and told her he was going to propose to me. This was in September. She had a meltdown and told him she was still in love with him and please give her another chance. It confused him but then he told me he wanted to be with me. Well now I found out he is still confused and has decided to move to Florida to give them a shot. He says he loves us both. The problem is is that he wants me to wait for him. I know why. He knows if it doesn’t work out our relationship is going down the tubes. I told him to go down there and figure himself out but I couldn’t give him any promises. So in about a week she is coming in for Christmas with their son. Then he’s going back to Florida with them. The problem is is that I felt like she did this all out of jealousy not true love. I know I love him but I don’t want to be that girl that begs him to stay with me like she is. So I’m just curious if anyone has any advice. I’ve been reading the book but my circumstance isn’t exactly the same as what’s in there.

I’ve been sick to my stomach over all of this.

Drena

December 19, 2016 at 4:47 pm

All very good points. Thank you for the advice. I’m going to stick to this though not sure what to say if I start getting texts that he misses me or something.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 12:15 pm

You’re welcome! Ignore it..
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 10:46 pm

Hi Drena,

Good call.. At least he knows you’re not just going to sit there waiting. Let’s say, do that no contact rule. Heal, improve and if he reaches out to you after it or during it to get back together, talk to him about the circumstance. Because the truth is, he has to choose. If he chooses, how will it work with his child? What will he do if the mom suddenly decides not to let him see the child because of you? Will he dump you again?

Nene

December 12, 2016 at 8:59 pm

I got dumped about 2 weeks ago and spent that time through a mutual friend trying to apologize. The breakup was is really petty in my opinion. My SO is going through a divorce and so am I. When I’m in love I become very clingy and considering my SO was going through alot I decided to give him space. I figured I’ll delete his number for a few days to make sure I didn’t bother him like I normally do. However, I informed our mutual friend about this and he told my SO. SO was NOT happy, he thought I was cutting him off. Instantly, we were done after a year of being together. He doesn’t want to talk to me, see me, and won’t accept my apology. He WILL NOT budge. I told my husband I want to be with someone else and he automatically knew who and wanted to retaliate. So my SO and husband wanted to fight making things worse. Not to mention my SO only knew about my husband being upset because of that pesky mutual friend that started this mess in the first place. I should’ve keep my mouth closed. My SO thinks I’m toying with him, and he prides himself on “having the gift of goodbye”. Even though he said he was in love with me, he up and left like it was nothing. I officially started my NC 4 days ago, I’m just wondering should I even try?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 10:41 pm

Hi Nene,
I know this is too personal but I’m confused. Do you still live with your husband? But your divorce is on going right? What does SO mean? Secret On?

Katie

December 12, 2016 at 1:52 am

My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago because of too many arguments about him never taking days off work. I started no contact 10 days ago and now Ive started dreaming about him every night and wake up feeling so sad and missing him even more. It’s really hard. I feel like he has just moved out of the house and is getting on with his life and doesnt think or care about me at all 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 8:32 pm

Hi Katie,

I want to clear some things first, so when you broke up, you still lived together? And after the break up, you’re the only initiating texts, how was he responding? It looks like you chased him and didn’t work right? How long was he working full time before?

Katie

December 12, 2016 at 1:41 am

My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago because of too many arguments about him never taking days off work. I started no contact 10 days ago and now Ive started dreaming about him every night and wake up feeling so sad and missing him even more. It’s really hard 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 8:32 pm

Hi Katie,

I want to clear some things first, so when you broke up, you still lived together? And after the break up, you’re the only initiating texts, how was he responding? It looks like you chased him and didn’t work right? How long was he working full time before?

Bumble Vee

December 10, 2016 at 1:18 pm

Hello 🙂
Thank you for the resources, I have a question, if you could only help me!!
I was seeing a guy a little bit over a month, everything was doing good. I met his parents and he told me he wanted to ask my mom the permission to have a relationship with me.
One day after he said that, he broke up with me, he said he didn’t see a future relationship with me because we are not in the same page in some stuff. He said he was having feelings for me but he didn’t want to hurt me and also get hurt, he asked me to be friends and still hang out. I told him NO.. I was really hurt with his reaction, and out of the blue one day he says he wants to have a relationship and one day later he changes his mind? awesome!
We met last week to talk in person, I apologized because I was really rude when he said those things (he didn’t say it in person he texted me). Anyways, he asked me for another chance to be friends.
But since then we haven’t spoken. Well, I still have one of his books and his helmet.
Last night I posted a picture with one of my male friends and updated my profile picture with our picture together, he never met him because he doesn’t live here..
And then later that night he texted me asking if “I could” take his helmet to his friend and drop it there, he said he will pick it up. I did not reply him yet, don’t know why he would ask me to give it to someone else instead of him, and why? I didn’t reply him, and probably will drop it at his friend. He did not mention the book (and he also has one of my books with him but I did not ask for it). I am thinking about returning the helmet and not replying him (No contact) would that be a good choice? What is this guy up for? Why would he ask me to give the helmet to someone else?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Hi Bumble Vee,

It can be to avoid confrontation and talking about everything. I think that’s a good idea. The friend will just inform him.

Nicole

December 10, 2016 at 12:55 pm

can someone enlighten me? so my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago sayin that he is not ready for a relationship and wants his freedom and stuff….although he kept updating his whatsapp status with messages towards me….4 days ago I said I wanted to talk. he came to my house and continued with the same story that he needs to be alone and free…I said I was seeing someone to hurt him…he was bothered with it for a few mins and said that if I’m happy.. I should move on … I said that once he left he was never gonna see me again….he was very undecided but left….. yesterday he sent me messages sayin that I need to go on with someone that makes me happy and is always there for me cuz he isn’t… why he sent me that message? if we already solved everything 4 days ago???

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 1:31 pm

Hi Nicole,
Because it’s human nature that he will still miss you, but that doesn’t mean he would you back right now.

Donna

December 9, 2016 at 5:48 pm

Hi Amor,

I’m currently trying NC again. As you suggested that I contact him, sent my ex a tweet on November 30 congratulating him on his new tv job (a job he has been wanting for years). I sent him the tweet on my other account and have not checked the account since then.

Since then, I have continued walking 3 to 4 miles every day. I have also been spending time at the nursing home with my grandma and some other people as well, and I’m still job hunting. So I’m staying busy!

I have tried to get in touch with Chris. He answered me back on Facebook messenger, but has yet to reply since then with advice.

I still find my ex’s behavior a bit odd (some of our mutual friends agree with me as he quit talking to them), he is certainly not acting like the same person he was last year and I’m afraid of loosing him forever. Is it because of his chosen profession? I’ve never seen such behavior from a 40-something-year-old man before (especially since he has teenage children). All I (and some friends) can come up with logically is that he is going through a midlife crisis (his new girlfriend is barely 25, just 5 years older than his oldest daughter). It’/ like watching a really bad romantic tragedy movie here.

He blocked me last Christmas Day all because of some inappropriate pictures a girl sent to him (on Twitter) and he couldn’t handle the “stress of it all” as he put it (he blocked both of us). Should I just consider this a loss and move on? Or do I keep waiting this out hoping for the best? It just baffles me that a man his age would react so immaturely.

Donna

December 12, 2016 at 5:46 pm

Do you mean “moving on without moving on” as Chris recommends in his getting blocked guide? Or do you think that there is no hope even with the progress I have made?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 7:49 pm

You can try that, as a last approach. Do a long no contact maybe 60-90 days but I did mean you should move on. It’s not about your progress. It’s about him. If he doesn’t change, you can’t force him even if you’ve been the best woman. In fact for me, you’re blocking meeting the right person if you keep going for him. But again, try moving on without fully moving on first, so that you’ll have peace of mind that you know you’ve done what you can.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 4:05 pm

Hi Donna,

I think by this time, you should move on. Maybe it’s a mid life crises or not but what’s apparent right now is that he has moved on.

Lilly

December 9, 2016 at 5:24 pm

I entered no contact immediately after my bf of three months asked for a break. He was busy with work and getting his MBA, he was stressed and I added to his stress/anger. He canceled our Thanksgiving plans, saying “I need a break from you for a while”. I told him that I really cared about him, that I wanted us to be able to talk about things, and that I wanted to work on this relationship. I apologized and told him I would give him all the space he needs, but I didn’t want things to be over. He has not responded, and I haven’t said anything else. It has now been 16 days. On day 9 he untagged himself from our photos, and day 10 he unfriended me on Facebook.

Can I reach out to him now, or should I still stay no contact? I feel like we are throwing something great away over a huge misunderstanding.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 8:35 pm

Hi Lilly,

I think you need to check this:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Susan

December 9, 2016 at 2:37 pm

I and my boyfriend broke up 4 months ago and when we first broke up, I did all the wrong things till late September when I decided to implement the no contact rule. I became more active on social media. Posting a lot of pictures on Instagram, going out and having fun. My ex had unfollowed me but still managed to like my pictures which meant he was checking on me. A long the line he started calling me and I always responded short and polite. Fast forward to his birthday when I decided to reach out. This was a month after. I wished him a happy birthday and he sent a voice note saying he made so many mistakes and was selfish to have left me go and we would work things out and he really wants to see me. Since that time everything has been smooth and I have been making sure to chip in “good and happy” memories and he says he missed those times too and if it’s possible they will still happen. I was in a different town then and now I’ve moved back to the town where he is and I have stalled on seeing him. I would really want to know how I should act on our first meeting so as not to jinx it and to also find out whether or not I should have sex with him. I have come this far i don’t want to mess things up. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 7:55 pm

Hi Susan, .

don’t have sex with him because you’re not together. It would put you in the friends with benefits position. Check this one:
EBR 043: How To Handle The First Date With Your Ex Boyfriend

Donna

December 9, 2016 at 4:35 am

Hi Amor,

I’m currently trying NC again. As you suggested that I contact him, sent my ex a tweet on November 30 congratulating him on his new tv job (a job he has been wanting for years). I sent him the tweet on my other account and have not checked the account since then.

Since then, I have continued walking 3 to 4 miles every day. I have also been spending time at the nursing home with my grandma and some other people as well, and I’m still job hunting. So I’m staying busy!

I have tried to get in touch with Chris. He answered me back on Facebook messenger, but has yet to reply since then with advice.

I still find my ex’s behavior a bit odd (some of our mutual friends agree with me as he quit talking to them), he is certainly not acting like the same person he was last year and I’m afraid of loosing him forever. Is it because of his chosen profession? I’ve never seen such behavior from a 40-something-year-old man before (especially since he has teenage children). All I (and some friends) can come up with logically is that he is going through a midlife crisis (his new girlfriend is barely 25, just 5 years older than his oldest daughter). It’/ like watching a really bad romantic tragedy movie here.

He blocked me last Christmas Day. Should I just consider this a loss and move on? Or do I keep waiting this out hoping for the best?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 4:05 pm

Hi Donna,

I think by this time, you should move on. Maybe it’s a mid life crises or not but what’s apparent right now is that he has moved on.

M

December 9, 2016 at 4:13 am

Hi, thanks for writing great articles which were real helpful to go through my break up period and survive with dignity.
Finally I am moving on from my ex boyfriend. The only problem I have is the trust issue now. I am feeling good individually and being single. But whenever a guy talks to me in intention of going forward to a relationship I feel not to trust their words and I think I talk in a way which turns these guys off.

So can you write an article about what to consider and how to talk when you start back with a new affair after moving on from previous break up?
It’ll be a great help for the courageous ladies who forgive and move on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 5:56 pm

HI M,

Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll forward it to Chris. My take is that, for me, you should always take a new guy’s word with a grain of salt. You can try replying in a cheeky or a humorous way if they say something that you’re not comfortable in putting your trust in yet. Like if he says, “I really love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you blah blah blah” Tell him, well, you better have a very long life, coz I’m a vampire! And then observe his actions later on. Or say, “Aww, that’s so sweet! I have to record that and show it to your face while you’re waiting for me to shop! Let’s see if you can last 30 minutes with me!hahahaha!” Something like that..

Laura

December 9, 2016 at 3:09 am

Hi, I sent an email but had no reply. I have 10 days left on no contact rule but work in the same place and run into each other maybe a few times a day but he is not there everyday, actually we went a week and a half whithouth seeing each other. He stopped talking to me after 6 months of dating. Thing where getting very serious and we even talked about marriage. With my NC time to reflect I realized that I was not ready and screw up a few times, so I think he just decided to stop after I made a demand at our las fight. He is very stubborn and descision person. Also after I saw that he did not spoke to me after a week and a half, I requested my thing and gave his, but apparently I gave him some socks that weren’t his…sooo he is probably thinking I did cheat or was with another person already. Another week went by and I wrote to him “how are you?” But no anwer, so next day I gave him a letter. I just said thank you, I am sorry for disrespecting you, how sad i felt about what was happening and basically said good bye.
He had trust issues but I have a few brothers and I tend to do laundry at my moms, but I am sure he just used it as fuel to his decision. Although I did not cheat and haven’t even spoke to anyone since the brakeup, I decided to take the approach as if I cheated because that is what he has on his mind, also he said I was impulsive . Now I am sure I want him in my life!! I am also working on myself, working out, looking for a new and better job(we had a difference in professional levels) and getting better dressed and prettier to work. He hasn’t contacted me and I think he might be talking or dating someone(maybe is my mind but I know it is what they do). I honestly have my moments when I just think he doesn’t care and never did, but I know he is going to hurt at his time, but men are very good at hiding feelings and being extra cool after a breakup….I honestly don’t know what to look for or how to know the right moment to text him when the 30 days are over o what to do next….the NC approach has helped me a lot on getting a new perspective on things and bettering myself, but I can help to feel afraid of what is going to happend when the 30th day arrives. A looot of questions come into my mind and a hurricane of emotions start to rise. I really love this guy and want to show him I understood and changed for the better.

I honestly feel lost. How shouls I behave or act when we bump into each other? Is there some kind of a sign that he also misses me or wants to get back? I know he is the type of guy that is going to be difficult to change his mind or question if he made the right decision, also I dont know if he actually might think it was me who broke up whit him… Helpp

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 5:44 pm

Hi Laura,

when did you start the count of the no contact rule? Because it should be the day after you last talked or met for things. Other than that since you work together, you can still talk to him about work stuff but not about feelings or relationships. Check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

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