Will Text Messages Work To Get Your Ex Back?

A Therapist Answers Your Breakup Questions

Too often the internet is polluted with bad advice from individuals who have no business giving that advice.

I can’t tell you how often one of my clients comes up to me and tells me,

“I just bought a product from “guru A” and he said to do this and it totally blew up in my face.”

So, I thought it would be really fun to get an actual therapist on the Podcast and have him answer your real life questions about your breakups.

Well, I’d like to introduce you to Matt Marr!

Matt is a really interesting guy because not only is he a therapist but you may have seen him in a few commercials on TV.

In addition to that he also has his very own podcast called “Dear Mattie

Oh, and I forgot to mention that he is our first ever repeat guest on the podcast.

Now, I can honestly say that I have interviewed a lot of different people from all walks of life but Matt has this certain happiness about him. Every time I talk to him I literally walk away from the conversation feeling great about myself and I have a feeling you are going to pick up on that vibe when you watch our interview together,

Watch A Therapist And I Take On Your Breakup Questions

Interview Transcript

  • Alright let’s just be organic about this. So, if you don’t already know. Matt, we are like best friends at the podcast world. Like, I’ve been on your podcast show, you’ve been on my podcast show and it’s interesting, we were like trying to figure out like how to–what to talk about.

    So, Matt, you basically have a show where people can email in or call in and ask questions and you and your guest basically answer the questions. And then when I came on your show some people had asked you like break up questions to get answers to and then you and I, we basically just picked the answers apart and answered them.

    So, we kind of agreed that that’s what we would do in this case on my show. So, I’m going to put you to the test because I’m not going to answer it all. No, I’m just kidding! You’re truly going to be the lone wolf here. Let’s see what you got.

  • I can’t handle the pressure!, No, I’m excited. Thank you for having me again. I honestly do feel–

  • Yeah, you’re the first repeat guest by the way, congrats!

  • m
    Oh! I feel like you’re a brother from another mother! I mean you got all the good looking genes in the family! I’m like geez! Come on!

  • When I get the good looking–I just like to hog the genes, like I just want it all.

  • You’re a gene hog! But yeah, your episode on my show was one of–

  • Yeah, I really enjoyed that and I actually do have to thank you. Funny story, my wife, she listened to that episode on your show and it was right around Christmas when she listened to it and so she was trying to figure out what to give me for Christmas and she couldn’t think of anything until she listend to the show where you were asking me like, “What is your perfect day?” And I couldn’t like really come up with the answer but then I remembered like–or like, if you could relive a day, what would it be?

  • The ground hog day.

  • Right, and so I had said like, I had told the story about the time when I went with my dad like hiking in the mountains and everything and so she listened to that and then behind my back, she went and sort of set the whole thing up for me to do that again with my dad. So, it’s actually you that I have to thank. Well, I mean her too obviously, she did the work but she listened and she actually did it. So, that was–

  • That actually made me teary a little bit. Did you go on the trip yet?

  • No, it’s in April. It’s crazy I had gotten my parents– we’re big tennis fans. So, I had gotten tickets to the Miami open, like really, really good seats. So, they’re visiting on like the 31st of March or something and then like literally like a week later I”m going and traveling down there to go hiking with my dad for a week . So, it’s going to be awesome but yeah that’s all thank to your show, because I went on your show.

  • That’s awesome! I mean it’s March but whatever. We should just have you on my show again. We’ll do this like every month being in each other’s show because we miss each other and secondly, I give no craps about sports at all. My boyfriend’s upset with me except for Tennis. I love Tennis.

  • I’m a big tennis player. I have a college kit that have with who’s pretty decent. My dad used to be a professional, like he’d teach people and so, the man is insane in Tennis. He started teaching me, I think I really picked it up when I was like around 20 years old. I’m 27 now and so, I’ve been playing for like 7 years and I’ve gotten quite good like I think I maybe the best person sort of in the city here but every time I play with my dad who’s over 60 years old, he cleans my clock. 60 years old man cleans my clock and just to put this into perspective. Just to tell you that I’m not that bad. After not playing Tennis for 20 years, he entered a tournament and beat the number 1 college kid in the area or something and won the tournament like at 58 years old or something like that.

  • It truly is a lifelong sport.

  • Yeah, it’s interesting that you say that but what does this have to do this with  exes? Well, you need to get a sport immediately.

  • I have to tell you this story because I think it’s funny. I wanted to play tennis when I was a kid but I grew up in like, you know, Southern Oklahoma, you play Football, Baseball, and that’s about it. And so, but when there was a Tennis court that they had but it was asphalt. So like the more you would hit your tennis ball, they will just become black. I realized it was terrible. I fell in love with it when I was in my 20s actually. So, but I’m level two, I’m like 2 1/2 on a good day.

  • 4.5-5.0, I did play against someone a couple of weeks ago who was a 5.0 player and sometimes if you’re not like familiar with the Tennis lingo. There’s like this different levels, 2.0-7.0, I think is like the actual top, top professional level but sometimes people, they use tennis like this huge ego boost. So, they’ll lie about their ranking and so this guy was saying, “Oh, yeah I’m a 5.0.” but every time someone says that to me, when I play them they’re not. They’re like a 3.5. They’re just like in their head thinks they’re great. This guy was actually a 5.0 player but I ended up beating him. So, I don’t know how I did it but I practiced like a week in advance playing this guy because I knew if he was a 5.0 player then I have my work cut out for me but somehow I pulled it off. Though I think he got tired.

  • You wore him up.

  • That’s it and what does this have to do with exes? You play a sport.

  • Yes, yes, yes.

  • Anyway, so what I guess we’ll do is–I have a Facebook group if you don’t know. If you’re listening to this, I have a private Facebook group only for people who buy my product like the premium version of the product. A lot of people just–actually a lot of people have gotten their exes back through the Facebook group.

    So, that’s good but I’m just going to take questions from there and we’ll see what we can do. I think that would be pretty fun. I have one pulled up. This one is from. Oh, I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t say her name. This is from anonymous number 1, we’ll just say.
    Alright Matt, I’m going to get your take first and then I’ll jump in when you inevitable fail–

  • Oh, when I fail. We’ll you only I’m only a–I am a 5.0 at answering questions.

  • You are–the last time we had you on, you were the therapist.

  • I don’t know if it always show but I do.

  • No, you had a really, really great advice. That’s why we had you on again to show off your skillset. Anyways, this is from anonymous number 1. He has a close female friend who doesn’t respect me or the relationship. She demonstrated it throughout our relationship long story.

    A few months ago, we started keeping our distance from her but right now, he might start talking to her again since he doesn’t have many other friends. I’m terribly worried that she is going to negatively influence him during this time and make it harder for us. So, I think what she’s saying is, they’re broken up right now and she’s worried that her boyfriend is going to talk to this other girl who clearly has a crush on him. So, what would you advice her to do?

  • In short, I would say, you need to do you girl. You need to do you because to me, say we’re in  a relationship and together, that’s a little different but they’re not, they’re broken up. A, she needs to do herself because that sounded bad. You know what I meant. She’s a beater.

  • Don’t do yourself, do yourself. Do yourself, as in like.

  • That’s great too. I’m 08:25 . Do your thing but she won like– if she is spending more time cultivating her own self, she’s going to be A) less interested in what he’s doing and who he’s talking to and B), I know people have heard this before and then some people, if you are hearing this again, this is maybe God or universe or Judy Garland, The Force, whatever you believe.

  • I think Judy Garland. Let’s go with Judy Garland.

  • I always say Judy Garland but this is Judy Garland, the live force, asking you to hear it again that if you are able to build your own happiness in your life, you will become more attractive to other people that are watching you. It is like a law of nature. And I know you probably, that is when I think–

  • I was about to say, it’s like you’re reading from the source material. I’d say basically everything you say, I say. The only thing I would sort of differ on is a lot of people, they focus, especially when they’re going through a break up, they focus so much of their energy on their ex over something they absolutely have no control over. I always like to tell people, just focus on things that you personal have control over. So, it seems like you just said the same thing but like 10 times better with more adjectives and Judy Garlands.

  • Well, brother from another mother.

  • Yeah, right, right.  Alright, let’s pick another one out because that was too easy. That one’s asking–you’re going to have to give me like a little second here.

  • No, it’s fine. It’s fine.

  • This one looks interesting. This is from anonymous number 2.

  • Ok, I love it. They have the same name. What a coincidence.

  • Yeah, yeah, the same name. A lot of these are the same name. Ok, anyways. This girl is saying, “My ex and I are only dating two weeks. I know, not long at all. I thought like we are soul mates. ” Ok, that’s a little alarming and he also said the same. Told me he loved me. It was very intense. We had all the same interest. Talked on a deep soulful level. I made a huge mistake in revealing heavy information about my ex. During the conversation he was very supportive and told me that he is here for me, to my shock the next day he broke up with me. Is there any help?

  • I’m going to let you take this one first.

  • Well, ok. The first thing is–the first thing that really jumped out to me is.

  • There was a lot in this question by the way. Can we just say there’s a lot.

  • That’s why you threw it over to me. Alright, the first thing that really jumped out to me was two weeks. So, often times two week is not enough to determine a soul mate I guess. Some people may disagree with me but generally I don’t see it happening.

    The other thing that kind of jumped out to me is, even if he comes up with some reason for the break up. It seems like the very reason he broke up with you is the fact that you told him some information about your ex. Now, I’m left to wonder. I wonder what this information about the ex is? My guess is it’s something that if you’re withholding it from him, you probably were scared to tell him. So, maybe it’s some sort of weird thing that you did with your ex. I don’t know what that is. Context is always a really nice thing in situations like this.

  • Yeah, because you don’t know if it’s like robbed a bank or you know.

  • Killed a person.

  • Killed a person or they did like a ride in cowboy. I don’t know. It could be anything.

  • Who knows you know? I think her ultimate question is, is there any hope? I hate to say to someone there’s no hope because generally there’s still always a chance. You can potentially get back with your ex if that’s what you want. I think ultimately, your chances are a little harmed by the fact that you only dated him two weeks. So, two weeks isn’t like a ton of time to establish a super meaningful connection with a person generally. So, you maybe the exception but, I’m not seeing it probably. I think, there is hope but only if you kind of follow strict guidelines perhaps but Matt, give us your take here.

  • You know, the beautiful thing and the horrible thing about having a history with someone is that history, usually enhances complexity of the relationship, whether it’s in a great complexity and it’s beautiful and it’s deepened or it can be more entangled. And I think, it’s hard to– I have empathy for anonymous.

  • Anonymous 2.

  • Yeah, but it’s also it’s hard for me to have trust in what their relationship is because there’s not any really history of it. I think and I don’t say this a lot, as a therapist–people probably, for your listeners if they don’t ever listen to my show a lot, maybe some of them have but I don’t really say this all the time but I am going to say this for anonymous. You need to go to therapy girl because I feel like and I don’t mean that because you’re damaged. I feel like she needs someone to talk to because if she’s with this person, they’re saying I love you.

    I feel like you wanted–Anonyous, you want to connect with someone and this is what happens a lot. I’ve been in that too where I felt really either lonely in my felt or I felt like alone or I felt just not validated and I jump in this relationship with somebody and they’re telling me I’m beautiful and they’re telling me I’m amazing. And then it’s like two weeks in and I’m like, “Oh, I’m gosh I’m inlove.” I’d be interested to know her age because not to be agist but I know that I was more prone to jumping in with somebody when I was 19 or 20.

  • Yeah, that’s interesting. I’m going to see if I can kind of–

  • Yeah, see if you can get an age.

  • Actually, here’s the interesting. One of the cool things is I’m taking this from the group. So, it does give us some context. My wife, she’s also a moderator of the group. She asked her, what kind of information about your ex? And then here’s what anonymous had to say, –remember how I said you know, she made a huge mistake in revealing this heavy information about my ex?

    Here was the information, that he was involved with illegally activity and he came to my house uninvited recently. So, I think illegally is what she means. She put legally but, illegally. So, he was probably in jail is my guess–and he came to my house uninvited recently. So, she told her ex that and potentially he’s jumping immediately to thinking she cheated.

  • So, I don’t know maybe if he’s thinking he cheated or maybe he’s thinking, “Woah, I’m with the girl who’s like involved in illegal activity. Cancel my prescription. I don’t need her issues.”

  • I’d race you one, it’s probably both. It’s probably like a combination of both because I probably would have think the same thing. Like I don’t want to be with a girl who’s like, finds that attractive and then of course you know if he came over uninvited. Let’s see if I can find anything else for you.

  • Which also tells me to that–I feel for you because I feel like she really is–here she is in a two week relationship telling this guy I love you, you mean so much to me, you’re the love of my life yet, at the same time, taking in an exboyfriend who’s doing illegal activity, putting herself literally, not in just emotional but in the proximity of physical danger or getting arrested or something like that. I just want to tell her, I feel like she is searching for some love and I just–that’s why I want her to go to like a therapist, a church leader, somebody she could talk to, to find more of an inward validation because I think she’s seeking outward validation in men.

  • Let me ask you, initially what you’re saying here is, “Hey, you need to check our therapy.” They’re obviously not going to take very well. They’re going to either–they’ll have one or two reactions–well, one of three reactions. They’ll either take the advice, they’ll either nod their head yes like their taking the advice then not take it, or they’ll just get super upset. So, how do you kind of lightly convince someone to just basically talk to someone about this? I mean that is what she’s doing in the Facebook group but I know I’m not a trained therapist.

  • Which is great. That’s great that she’s getting support. I actually think that that’s one of the best step she could take is being part of your group because this is a positive environment that will support her and it’s not about–what I love with what you’re doing, yes it’s about helping people get their ex back but I think people probably could agree with me on this that it’s not about you do it in a very self fulfilling–

  • It’s all about the improvement of oneself as opposed to trying just everything you can to get the ex back because often times the two don’t coincide. Often times in order to get the ex back to your point earlier, you have to look inwards and sort of cultivate your own life.

  • And so, a lot of what I recommend, I’m a big fan of, I love group therapy. A, it’s way cheaper, way cheaper and B, it’s why I think a lot of times people come to see me is because they feel like they were the only person in the world that’s having this problem or that they’re you know.

  • So, they get to see other people going through the same thing. A little bit of that happens with the Facebook group as well. but you know, it’s not like actually sitting there with people.

  • It’s just a way of building support because people come to me and say they’re effed up and I have to–it’s so much to me to try to get them to realize, they’re not effed up, that they’re just a person going through a problem. Even if there’s like 18:40 can be good sometimes for people like because with her, I’m wondering like, what’s your history of codependency of like really attaching self to guys?

    But I think the first step for her is just explore this Facebook group. More like connect with more women in this group and talk to them and have them talk to you and listen and just be a good ear as someone–dont’ just tell your story anonymous but also let people–listen to other people because you’re going to learn I think so much more about yourself through from hearing other people’s experiences.

  • Yeah, I’ll admit, the most favorite thing about what I do is that  Facebook group because it’s so active. I jump on to do the Facebook live all the time just to the group to answer the questions. People just like you said, get to see what other people are going through and the struggles theyr’e going through and often times I recommend this period of no contact where they just basically cut their ex out of their life for a certain time frame and most of the people fail at that  whey they try it  because there’s so many temptations here and there but the group really holds people accountable.

    So, more often than not, a lot of people have gotten–and it’s really great too because it gives me more success stories and in this people, since they feel like they’ve built a connection with me, they’re more than willing to get on to the podcast, to give me kind of like a–so, I can interview them and sort of pick their situation apart and how they actually going to get their ex back. So, you know just this week, I think we’ve had like 3 or 4 people agree to do that alone. So, it’s really piling in. It’s really cool. So, the success rate is really high. The group therapy thing I can totally get behind but yeah, let’s move on. We can’t be tied down to just one situation.

  • Goodluck anonymous.

  • Right. Let’s go to anonymous number 3 now.

  • Wow! So, many!

  • If I could find anonymous number 3.

  • No, that’s fine. I love this. This is great.

  • Alright, this one is a little bit shorter but it kind of goes with what we’re talking about so far. “Well guys, I’ve had a set back. I’m really working on myself and loving me but people keep bringing him up yesterday. It was little too emotional for me. I don’t know why but I’m continuing working on myself.”
    So, I guess really what she’s seeking here is sort of just support from other women but maybe can talk a little bit–

  • I love that!

  • Maybe what we can talk a little bit about is how to deal with other people bringing an ex up when you’re actually trying to work on yourself. So, how do you deal with that? How do you not get so caught up and upset Matt? Im’ throwing the ball to you. Your turn.

  • I will catch that! I love this question because I’ve never–nobody has ever asked me this before yet, it comes up so much in my own life and I see it in other people’s lives. So, good for you anonymous. I think this is really important. With that, it’s hard, you can’t necessarily control what other people are asking but you can help control your interaction. Two things I will look at. My boyfriend and I talk about this all the time, especially when we like get into, if we start get into an argument or something like that and it’s what is your intention. And so, if he says something to me and I go, “I can’t believe you just said that!” and he’ll say, “Babe, this was my intention when I said that.” and I’ll go, “Oh, so, you didn’t mean to say it that way? You totally mean a different thing?”

    First of all, if hopefully look at it maybe try to imagine like or even ask them what are the intentions of your friends that are asking is? I imagine, hopefully, probably their intention is because they care about you and they want to support you and they’re checking in which is awesome. And so a good way to get somebody to change a behavior that’s negative to you, is to validate what their doing well or that you recognize their good effort. It’s like a coach always says. My dad would say like, “Hey, that’s a really good job the way you’re doing this but you’re catching the ball wrong.”

    It didn’t feel like a one two punch. It felt more organic. So, maybe telling your friends like, “Hey, I love that you are wanting to check on me but just bringing him up, I feel like it’s a lot about him and I’m just trying to like build my life and do my thing.” So, give them examples like “Hey, a good way to check on me without bringing him up is like talking about a tv show we both like or like ask me to go to a movie just to like hang out and like tell me what’s going on with you and just let me listen and let me be a good friend to you.”

  • I like that one a lot basically.

  • Giving examples really helps.

  • Yeah, redirecting them to sort of to something else. Like hey what’s going on with your life. So, you can get them talking about something else. Especially if you’re struggling with just hearing his name or something.

  • That’s normal.

  • Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t think. The only thing I want to say is a lot of people–like I said, I usually recommend this period of no contact with an ex and  a lot of people will look for any little excuse they can to break it. And so sometimes that makes it a little bit harder to sort of stay in the rhythm of ignoring your ex. Now, I have my own question for you Matt. I’m interested to get your take. One of the things that I’ve been seeing a lot is I recommend this period of no contact to people who are trying to get their ex back,

  • Love it, I agree.

  • Now, what do you do? I want your organic take on it because I’ve got my answer but I’m interested to see sort of  your style and sort of how you would approach it. What do you if you are doing this no contact period on your ex and he is reaching out to you saying, like getting a little mad that you’re ignoring him and saying something, “Oh, so now you’re ignoring me?” How do you handle that?

  • The first thing that I would say to is if–I’m going to get hippie dippie but  like it’s an energy thing. So, I really do believe like, if somebody is putting negative energy towards you, it’s affecting you. You’re either absorbing it or you need to repel it or you need to like get rid of it in some way. So, to me my first thing is, if your exboyfriend is saying you’re ignoring me, oh you’re such B or whatever and saying those kind of stupid–then your first thing is, whoever is your like number 1 support person, that’s the person you need to go talk to immediately and help dispel that negative energy and not engage with him. You don’t need to text him back. You don’t need to do that. Just take care of you and go to your best friend.

  • One of the things I’ll add onto that, I 100% agree with you. Maybe even delete the text message because one thing I see women doing all the time is they’ll do that. So, often times, the support that I put together is sort of what these women go through. It’s sort of most trusted resource because they get like all sort of opinions from all sorts of other women going through the same exact thing.

  • One I want to add about, if women, are listening to show and they’re like, “Oh, I’ve never been on this Facebook group.” or they’re debating–

  • Buy the product! No, I’m just kidding!

  • No! Buy the product and get on the Facebook group because, I’m just going to own this. Because there’s so much talk about sexism in our country right now but I feel like so many women get shamed for being either pissed or hurt or even talking about an exboyfriend when other women or men shame them and be like, you should be over him or you should be stronger than that or that’s like a weakness. It’s not at all. Like if you have an ex who’s sending you text messages that are so angry towards you, if you’re a part of this group, you know that you can go to this Facebook and get support from other people who are not going to judge you for even talking about an ex because I think like a lot of women get that.

  • Yeah, I would agree with you a 100%. It’s interesting that you brought that up. A lot of women they are afraid to even be judged on the group but we make it real clear, there’s no judging no matter what and the only sort of case where that doesn’t happen is maybe if they threaten suicide where we’re legally obligated to give them like suicide hotline and all that kind of good stuff. Circling back to the original point, one of the things I see a lot of women doing when they get these type of text messages from their exes is, they’ll come to the group, they’ll sort of get women to take on it and then they’ll sort of get some resolution to it but then after they kind of get away from the group and then sitting in their own thoughts, they remember the text and then they pull the text back up and then it just kind of creates a circle where it just happens over and over again. So, I think even removing the text completely from the equation so, you remove the temptation to even look at it, to kind of put yourself in this endless cycle or circle is probably a really good way to go.

  • That is some hashtag truth talk right there because–

  • Yeah! Mic drop!Well, pencil drop but haha!

  • I am going to be honest. It’s not just women–I see myself in that conversation you said because I’ve done that. Not with an exboyfriend, I’ve been in a relationship for two years, I haven’t had that in a while but I’ve had had that with exes or even with negative friend conversations. What I heard in that for me, just like, oh let it go. Let it be and let it be it’s own thing. I don’t have to be involved because I even do that with just business or you know saying I’m always like double checking text and as you just said that, what a waste of my time when I could be focusing–instead of looking at the past, I could be focusing on the present. So, anyway thank you for that. They just kind of clicked for me.

  • Well, that’s cool. I’m glad to help you know. Let’s find someone else to pick on here.

  • I love it.

  • Let me see if I could–this is really interesting and talk about being spot on. You don’t have to answer this but this is like literally the next comment down on the group. “Woke up to this text this morning. ” I don’t know why you’re not answering me. I only told you I had transferred money and asked if Jake enjoyed himself.”” So, you see this women are getting this exact type of text–I call it bait them, bait them into responding because that’s kind of the behaviour that they’re looking for.

  • We’ll it’s also–and we didn’t even talk about this but it sound just like were on here and that– man, and my heart goes out to women that are dealing with an ex and they have a child because–

  • That happens a lot unfortunately.

  • I know this as a parent of divorce, two parents that went through a not great divorce and my parents weren’t even that bad at it.but even there was a little bit of like, well, if you really cared about the kid, you know.

  • So, they’re using the kids as sort of a crutch.

  • My parents have been really good at all. But yeah, I see some people that just–it’s like they use their children for emotional war fare and it is..

  • Happens a lot with divorce more than anything but it certainly happens–there was a woman who was really active on this group and we actually had to sort of band together and try to find her legal help because she was pregnant and about to have  the baby.

  • Oh my god! Bless her heart!

  • So, it was like a really–it just broke my heart with some of the stuff that this guy was doing to her.

  • I want to know your opinion, let’s say we just–with anonymous 3 who just asked for support on that question. What about for women that are dealing with a negative ex who is treating them, not abusively but it’s still–because that’s more of a line but still are being just kind of a–can say D***, being a d** and they have a child. I’m thinking one of my girlfriends in particular. She’s always having to negotiate. She wants to lash out and say things but she’s afraid that it’s just going to come back on her children. So, what do you tell women who are dealing with that?

  • Yeah so, like I said, there’s a specific strategy that I have laid out for people trying to get their exes back but the interesting about the exes and break ups is each one is unique. So, each one is a different situation. So, you can only look at the template for getting an ex back as really guidelines that you have to alter for your specific situations and one of the big alterations that you have to make during the no contact rule, especially if you have kids is, your ex is entitled to talk about his child with you and you’re obligated to also talk, assuming he cares.

    I have seen exes not reach out once in like 20 days where they’re just super upset and they just don’t even care about the kids but assuming that your ex cares about the kid, I do make some alterations where you can actually break the no contact rule only to talk about that kid. If he tries anything to turn the conversation back to the weather or anything romantic, you cut the conversation there.

    It’s only about the kids. And the other thing hat I really, because I see a lot with people going through break ups, so they’re not married. So, there’s nothing legally binding them per say. So, one of the things that we, my wife and I, we’ve been kind of recently talking about this people who have children, especially the women, should also consult someone legally to figure out sort of how that’s going to work because I think you have to put the children first before yourself and often times these women don’t like to hear that because they’re just so gung ho about trying to get their ex back that you have to kind of redirect them a little bit and let them understand, “Well look, you want what’s best for your child.”

    And actually often times, doing that helps them ignore their ex even more. It makes their ex even want them more. Yes, seeking legal help is kind of an important thing that you need to sort of determine. There is a woman who I had a coaching call last week and her ex, did something really–that I thought was really strange. So, when the baby is born, they give you the birth certificate and you have to sign the birth certificate. Both parents are supposed to sign the birth certificate but this particular gentleman, did not sign the birth certificate at all. So, he sort of weighed all the legal rights but I think it was on purpose because he didn’t want to pay child support if it came down to that. So, he can kind of claim that well, I didn’t sign the birth certificate. So, techinically I’m not entitled  to do it.

  • Speaking of a d***!

  • Yeah! Basically what I’m saying is, in order to avoid–because especially when kids are involved and to your point, parents will use kids as a way to hurt you almost. It’s unfortunate thing but you should legal advice on sort of how to move forward. I have seen it to where you know the guy will come and try to get primary custody when he is just, like you said, a d***. Like I said, the strategy is similar but there are alterations that have to be made if you have a child involved.

  • I think seeking legal advice is so, so important. It doesn’t mean you’re going to sue him.

  • No, no. It’s just preparing. And it doesn’t cost a thing to get any kind of–just call them up and get their advice on sort of-

  • No, not at all. Yeah, you can pay them $1 and then you have attorney client privilege and then it’s private. For people too that are going in the midst of that and that have children, I had a friend that did this and she just went once and it saved her but she went to a child therapist acutally to be like, “Hey, I’m going through a divorce.

    My husband is kind of like not on board with this. How do I do this in the best way?” And they have just like an hour and half conversation where she just gave her some like advice and listened to her specific situation and said, “This is what I’m doing with your children.” And that was 3 years ago and she still talks about knowledge that has helped her from that conversation and that was just–

  • I think that’s a great little nugget of gold that you just laid down right there because that’s something that I don’t even think at all. I was thinking more of the legal type aspect that you have to deal with but as far as dealing with a child and maybe even how to handle the ex. Consulting someone who’s an expert in that field is a really smart idea. So, like you Matt.

  • Like Chris Seiter.

  • Right, right we’ll go with that. How are we doing with time here. Ah we’ve got some time. Alright, uh oh.

  • You guys, his eyes are blue. They’re like and I’m not name dropping. They’re like Justin Timberlake blue. They’re crazy. It’s like a sea with a shirt.

  • It’s the shirt. The shirt did it. Alright, I’m going to try to find this a good one here. So, bare with me.

    “Ok, I met this guy briefly on Saturday, legit dismissed and said I text him when I could be bothered and walked off. I texted his morning and damn.”

    Ok, so, uhm, I can’t show you the screen but basically this girl is saying that she met a guy who’s not her ex this morning and he was like really into her and then she said, “Yeah, I’ll text you when I get some time.” and so, this morning she said she texted him and so this is what she screenshoted. This is the guy’s text to her and bare in mind, they just met.

    “So, what do you think about the kid’s names me and you are going to have? I’m thinking about Adele for girl and Joel for boy. We can’t use Ellie because my daughters name is Ellie or  I got a better idea, Nor. That’s my name and yours together.”

    He’s smart isn’t it? And then she just replied haha. So, let me get you take on that one. That’s a little too fast right?

  • I have a name for a kid and it’s Felicia and it’s bye Felicia.That girl. Just move on.

  • That’s a little creepy.

  • Even if he’s being funny, that’s just a lot. It’s just too much too soon. I don’t get your humor. You’re telling me you got a kid. That’s fine but I’m just like you are giving me your life right now and I just wanted a picture, not the whole movie.

  • Well, I wish I had an opinion but literally my daugthers awake now. My wife, I really have to go unfortunately.

  • Do your life. Be a parent.

  • Alright Matt.

  • It was great. We actually did almost get 40 minutes in so that’s good and I’m totally living the daughter bit in because it makes me seem authentic and that I’m not just like trying to be perfect but yeah, I’m sorry to do this to you early but unfortunately I got to go.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

8 thoughts on “A Therapist Answers Your Breakup Questions”

  1. Angela

    October 23, 2017 at 12:47 am

    I know this is an older video but I just have to add for others who may read comments later, depending on your state, not signing the birth certificate does NOT absolve him of his responsibilities, for example in Texas, the family court will order him to undergo DNA testing and if he does not he will have to answer to them, if he does and he is the father, he is automatically added to the birth certificate and have to pay child support, (this is why I suggest getting a certified birth certificate BEFORE you go to court, in case you need it for future use; i.e. I could not find my daughters father to sign her passport form, thankfully I had a certified copy without him on it and was able to submit that). Check your state, get legal advice.

  2. Catherine Setiawan

    May 10, 2017 at 8:06 am

    Hi All,

    My bf and I broke up about last week (last wed) after speeding almost 5months dating. I was the one initiating the break up because we were on LDR and he was so bad at communication. He told me he’s busy etc, but he made me worry often times as he likes to reply my message late (takes hours), not telling me in advance if he did not end up calling me (we made promise to call each other every day at certain times), he was not so responsive in answering all my questions and he basically told me he hates to talk and answering my silly questions. He never really asked about my day and seemed like he does not care about me at all. I always feel like a crazy gf, begging for his reply and continuously calling him until he answered my call.

    One day after breaking up, he texted me like he still my bf (saying GM and wish me to got well soon). I did response to him, and then got angry again at night because when I tried to called him at the night, he did not pick up my phone (I called him several times).

    So I told him better we don’t have to talk anymore (on Thursday night). He did not contact me on Friday and called me again Saturday night. I answered briefly saying that I was busy etc. and until today (a week later) he has not really contacted me anymore.

    I am thinking to implement the NC rules for max 40 days. I want him to be back with me but honestly, my main priority is to change him (i know it will be hard). I want him to basically be more communicative as we are on LDR situation. I have a feeling that he will be back to me and will contact me again during the NC period, but how to make sure that he will be more communicative??

    When we broke up, i told him that I am looking for someone who can communicate and love to talk to me, as well as love to answer my silly questions. etc. Let me know what you think about this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Nope.. that’s why you have to have standards.. If the person doesn’t fit, walk away.. If he wants to change, that would be his decision and if he decided that, that’s he’s responsibility.. don’t ask a person to change for you because you can’t control other people.. You have to give them that freedom to be themselves.. If they decided to change for you, then that’s good, be thankful but don’t take credit for it or don’t let it get to your head that he changed because of you..

  3. Andie

    May 9, 2017 at 9:32 am

    I haven’t talked to my ex since we broke up 2,5 months ago. Yesterday I liked a picture on his facebook ( he took it when we were together) but then I started feeling sad and unfriended him. I think I’ve messed things up and now I have no idea what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      how much did you improve and how active were you in posting in those months?

  4. Tasmin

    May 5, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    Hi EBR!

    I wanted to thank you all for your amazing advice. Your advice has helped me alot to imporve myself so much, that even my ex-boyfriend noticed it. However, I did not get him back. Did the NC, the texts and the meet-up’s. He’s also working hard on himself and tries to better himself and the mistakes he made in our relationship. But he said he never missed me, isn’t stressed anymore, and is really happy. And I’m happy for him.

    He fell outta love a few months after the break-up. That kinds hit me hard. I’m gonna move on and will forever stop contacting him. I think it’s done. And I’m moving on. I’m not sad, you guys helped me alot and I am so happy with myself now, so all the effort didn’t go to waste!

    Maybe one day our paths will cross.

    Anyway, thank you so much!

    1. Tasmin

      May 5, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      *before the break-up

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 6, 2017 at 4:41 pm

      That’s good! Thank you too! We wish you the best in this new chapter of your life! 🙂

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