Yeah so, like I said, there’s a specific strategy that I have laid out for people trying to get their exes back but the interesting about the exes and break ups is each one is unique. So, each one is a different situation. So, you can only look at the template for getting an ex back as really guidelines that you have to alter for your specific situations and one of the big alterations that you have to make during the no contact rule, especially if you have kids is, your ex is entitled to talk about his child with you and you’re obligated to also talk, assuming he cares.
I have seen exes not reach out once in like 20 days where they’re just super upset and they just don’t even care about the kids but assuming that your ex cares about the kid, I do make some alterations where you can actually break the no contact rule only to talk about that kid. If he tries anything to turn the conversation back to the weather or anything romantic, you cut the conversation there.
It’s only about the kids. And the other thing hat I really, because I see a lot with people going through break ups, so they’re not married. So, there’s nothing legally binding them per say. So, one of the things that we, my wife and I, we’ve been kind of recently talking about this people who have children, especially the women, should also consult someone legally to figure out sort of how that’s going to work because I think you have to put the children first before yourself and often times these women don’t like to hear that because they’re just so gung ho about trying to get their ex back that you have to kind of redirect them a little bit and let them understand, “Well look, you want what’s best for your child.”
And actually often times, doing that helps them ignore their ex even more. It makes their ex even want them more. Yes, seeking legal help is kind of an important thing that you need to sort of determine. There is a woman who I had a coaching call last week and her ex, did something really–that I thought was really strange. So, when the baby is born, they give you the birth certificate and you have to sign the birth certificate. Both parents are supposed to sign the birth certificate but this particular gentleman, did not sign the birth certificate at all. So, he sort of weighed all the legal rights but I think it was on purpose because he didn’t want to pay child support if it came down to that. So, he can kind of claim that well, I didn’t sign the birth certificate. So, techinically I’m not entitled to do it.
Angela
October 23, 2017 at 12:47 am
I know this is an older video but I just have to add for others who may read comments later, depending on your state, not signing the birth certificate does NOT absolve him of his responsibilities, for example in Texas, the family court will order him to undergo DNA testing and if he does not he will have to answer to them, if he does and he is the father, he is automatically added to the birth certificate and have to pay child support, (this is why I suggest getting a certified birth certificate BEFORE you go to court, in case you need it for future use; i.e. I could not find my daughters father to sign her passport form, thankfully I had a certified copy without him on it and was able to submit that). Check your state, get legal advice.
Catherine Setiawan
May 10, 2017 at 8:06 am
Hi All,
My bf and I broke up about last week (last wed) after speeding almost 5months dating. I was the one initiating the break up because we were on LDR and he was so bad at communication. He told me he’s busy etc, but he made me worry often times as he likes to reply my message late (takes hours), not telling me in advance if he did not end up calling me (we made promise to call each other every day at certain times), he was not so responsive in answering all my questions and he basically told me he hates to talk and answering my silly questions. He never really asked about my day and seemed like he does not care about me at all. I always feel like a crazy gf, begging for his reply and continuously calling him until he answered my call.
One day after breaking up, he texted me like he still my bf (saying GM and wish me to got well soon). I did response to him, and then got angry again at night because when I tried to called him at the night, he did not pick up my phone (I called him several times).
So I told him better we don’t have to talk anymore (on Thursday night). He did not contact me on Friday and called me again Saturday night. I answered briefly saying that I was busy etc. and until today (a week later) he has not really contacted me anymore.
I am thinking to implement the NC rules for max 40 days. I want him to be back with me but honestly, my main priority is to change him (i know it will be hard). I want him to basically be more communicative as we are on LDR situation. I have a feeling that he will be back to me and will contact me again during the NC period, but how to make sure that he will be more communicative??
When we broke up, i told him that I am looking for someone who can communicate and love to talk to me, as well as love to answer my silly questions. etc. Let me know what you think about this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 11, 2017 at 7:55 pm
Nope.. that’s why you have to have standards.. If the person doesn’t fit, walk away.. If he wants to change, that would be his decision and if he decided that, that’s he’s responsibility.. don’t ask a person to change for you because you can’t control other people.. You have to give them that freedom to be themselves.. If they decided to change for you, then that’s good, be thankful but don’t take credit for it or don’t let it get to your head that he changed because of you..
Andie
May 9, 2017 at 9:32 am
I haven’t talked to my ex since we broke up 2,5 months ago. Yesterday I liked a picture on his facebook ( he took it when we were together) but then I started feeling sad and unfriended him. I think I’ve messed things up and now I have no idea what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 11, 2017 at 6:23 pm
how much did you improve and how active were you in posting in those months?
Tasmin
May 5, 2017 at 7:40 pm
Hi EBR!
I wanted to thank you all for your amazing advice. Your advice has helped me alot to imporve myself so much, that even my ex-boyfriend noticed it. However, I did not get him back. Did the NC, the texts and the meet-up’s. He’s also working hard on himself and tries to better himself and the mistakes he made in our relationship. But he said he never missed me, isn’t stressed anymore, and is really happy. And I’m happy for him.
He fell outta love a few months after the break-up. That kinds hit me hard. I’m gonna move on and will forever stop contacting him. I think it’s done. And I’m moving on. I’m not sad, you guys helped me alot and I am so happy with myself now, so all the effort didn’t go to waste!
Maybe one day our paths will cross.
Anyway, thank you so much!
Tasmin
May 5, 2017 at 7:41 pm
*before the break-up
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 6, 2017 at 4:41 pm
That’s good! Thank you too! We wish you the best in this new chapter of your life! 🙂