Too often the internet is polluted with bad advice from individuals who have no business giving that advice.
I can’t tell you how often one of my clients comes up to me and tells me,
“I just bought a product from “guru A” and he said to do this and it totally blew up in my face.”
So, I thought it would be really fun to get an actual therapist on the Podcast and have him answer your real life questions about your breakups.
Well, I’d like to introduce you to Matt Marr!
Matt is a really interesting guy because not only is he a therapist but you may have seen him in a few commercials on TV.
In addition to that he also has his very own podcast called “Dear Mattie”
Oh, and I forgot to mention that he is our first ever repeat guest on the podcast.
Now, I can honestly say that I have interviewed a lot of different people from all walks of life but Matt has this certain happiness about him. Every time I talk to him I literally walk away from the conversation feeling great about myself and I have a feeling you are going to pick up on that vibe when you watch our interview together,
Hi All,
My bf and I broke up about last week (last wed) after speeding almost 5months dating. I was the one initiating the break up because we were on LDR and he was so bad at communication. He told me he’s busy etc, but he made me worry often times as he likes to reply my message late (takes hours), not telling me in advance if he did not end up calling me (we made promise to call each other every day at certain times), he was not so responsive in answering all my questions and he basically told me he hates to talk and answering my silly questions. He never really asked about my day and seemed like he does not care about me at all. I always feel like a crazy gf, begging for his reply and continuously calling him until he answered my call.
One day after breaking up, he texted me like he still my bf (saying GM and wish me to got well soon). I did response to him, and then got angry again at night because when I tried to called him at the night, he did not pick up my phone (I called him several times).
So I told him better we don’t have to talk anymore (on Thursday night). He did not contact me on Friday and called me again Saturday night. I answered briefly saying that I was busy etc. and until today (a week later) he has not really contacted me anymore.
I am thinking to implement the NC rules for max 40 days. I want him to be back with me but honestly, my main priority is to change him (i know it will be hard). I want him to basically be more communicative as we are on LDR situation. I have a feeling that he will be back to me and will contact me again during the NC period, but how to make sure that he will be more communicative??
When we broke up, i told him that I am looking for someone who can communicate and love to talk to me, as well as love to answer my silly questions. etc. Let me know what you think about this.
Nope.. that’s why you have to have standards.. If the person doesn’t fit, walk away.. If he wants to change, that would be his decision and if he decided that, that’s he’s responsibility.. don’t ask a person to change for you because you can’t control other people.. You have to give them that freedom to be themselves.. If they decided to change for you, then that’s good, be thankful but don’t take credit for it or don’t let it get to your head that he changed because of you..
I haven’t talked to my ex since we broke up 2,5 months ago. Yesterday I liked a picture on his facebook ( he took it when we were together) but then I started feeling sad and unfriended him. I think I’ve messed things up and now I have no idea what to do.
how much did you improve and how active were you in posting in those months?
Hi EBR!
I wanted to thank you all for your amazing advice. Your advice has helped me alot to imporve myself so much, that even my ex-boyfriend noticed it. However, I did not get him back. Did the NC, the texts and the meet-up’s. He’s also working hard on himself and tries to better himself and the mistakes he made in our relationship. But he said he never missed me, isn’t stressed anymore, and is really happy. And I’m happy for him.
He fell outta love a few months after the break-up. That kinds hit me hard. I’m gonna move on and will forever stop contacting him. I think it’s done. And I’m moving on. I’m not sad, you guys helped me alot and I am so happy with myself now, so all the effort didn’t go to waste!
Maybe one day our paths will cross.
Anyway, thank you so much!
*before the break-up
That’s good! Thank you too! We wish you the best in this new chapter of your life! 🙂