And you’re pissed off that you can’t go to–and a movie on Friday out with your boyfriend. Like get out of here but I agree with you, it’s really, really hard to get people to get out of their head to just, to not be so focused and a lot of that for me has been, it’s honestly, it’s sitting with them and because I really believe the client is the expert of their life.
So, I’m the type of therapist, if you came to me, I’m not going to say, “Well, you have mommy issues, daddy issues, you’re this, you’re that.” That’s more of like old school way of therapy and that’s great for some people. But I’m more of a post modern therapist. We’re more solution focused.
So, when people come in and they say, I want to talk about your solutions and actually I want to dissect what’s going well in your life and kind of figure out what are the components of your strength of any strengths or things that are going well because then we can use those strengths to attack a problem which is helpful in this situation because a lot of you who are focused on what they don’t have from that other person.
So, I actually will force them to try –I guess you could use the word, whether it’s perspective or a lot of entrepreneurs say the pivot. I kind of force them to look at things that are going well in their lives. Even the fact that like, what enabled them to make a decision to come to therapy? Was it for them selves or was it for the other person to try to tease that out.
And even if they’re like–so, some people oddly enough–I’ve had a client who came to me who didn’t like his day job but he was really good at it and it was actually flashing out that –he brought a lot of strengths to this job he didn’t care for and he realized that one of the reasons he didn’t like this job so much is that he was going to work just focused on the boyfriend that had just broken up with him 6 months before. It was totally like, it was the rose colored–he said an sh word that he called like sh colored glasses.
That’s when he realized he was wearing this glasses and kind of taking them to work and in other aspects of his life and kind of not seeing what he was bringing to the table for other people. And so that was a very–because it’s all about validation. When we’re broken up with somebody, there’s this feeling when we don’t feel validated as a person.
So, instead of seeking that in someone else, I’m giving 37:00 where are we finding validation in other parts of your life. So, if it’s not in this relationship and I say this to your listeners, if you’re wanting somebody back right now, what is it about that relationship that makes you feel like you are worthy to be on this planet. That you are a person of value?
Whatever that is, I just want to challenge you, are there other aspects of your life that you being there gotten that before or that you are getting now? And look at those, and give way to those because sometimes we 37:31 and say, they’re not that important.
When really, it’s kind of huge that you can show up to work and be a good employee or that you’re a great daughter to your mom. And you’re able to like have a great relationship with her. Those are of value.