Making an ex regret their decision to leave you isn’t easy.
In this post, I intend to change that by giving you a clear and concise game plan to make your ex regret not being in a relationship with you.
Oh, and it get’s better.
All of these strategies that I’m about to unveil to you have been used by my clients who have gotten their exes back.
In other words, every strategy here has been proven by real life people who have gotten their exes back.
How To Make Your Ex Regret Losing You
To make an ex “regret” implies that you are hoping they become sad or disappointed over the missed opportunity of being with you.
Unless you have extreme confidence, this isn’t going to be a cake walk.
In all, I have identified five strategies or mindsets that you need to adopt if you want to dramatically improve the odds in which your ex regrets not being with you.
- It’s All About Positioning (They can’t regret losing you if you beg for them back)
- Utilize The Theory Of Reactance
- Sprinkle In The Fear Of Loss
- Double Down On The Best Parts Of Your Relationship
- Bring Your Ex Back To The Good Old Days Emotionally
Some of you may be reading that list and thinking,
“But Chris… I don’t understand anything on there… How am I supposed to use this?”
To those people I say, buckle up because I’m going to teach you everything you want to know.
Let’s begin!
1. It’s All About Positioning
I’ve been doing this for half a decade as you can see by my best selling book and the one big takeaway I’ve learned in my six plus years is that most of the time people struggle to get back with their exes because of two simple concepts,
- Timing (Meaning the timing isn’t right)
- Positioning (Meaning they aren’t in a position to where they have a shot.)
Today I’d really like to zone in on the positioning portion of the struggle.
Most of the people who fail to make an ex regret their decision to leave the relationship fail because they aren’t putting their ex in a position where they are regretting their decision.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say you have two people trying to get their exes back,
Person A begs and pleads for their ex back. When that doesn’t work they begin to stalk their ex. This essentially reinforces Person A’s exes decision,
And then you have Person B. This person takes a completely different approach and instead of trying to get their ex back they start to implement specific strategies designed to show their ex what they are missing.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe results are clear,
Here’s what I’m getting at.
You can’t expect an ex to regret losing you if you are poorly positioned.
Poorly Positioned = Begging for them back, looking desperate, being needy, not leaving them alone
Once you have accepted this mindset shift you will begin to look at the rest of this list as not so much a “make them regret losing me” strategy but more a positioning one.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz2. Utilize The Theory Of Reactance
What is the most popular strategy in the industry when it comes to getting an ex back?
It’s the no contact rule, right?
Here’s the funny thing about that though.
If you ask most experts out there why the no contact rule tends to be so effective they have no clue.
But I do!
The no contact rule works so well because of a psychology theory called “reactance.”
Here’s the technical definition in case you were wondering,
Reactance: is a motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten to eliminate specific behavioral freedoms.
So, what does all this mumbo jumbo mean?
Quite simply, if someone is faced with a situation where they encounter a rule that takes a way some type of behavioral freedom they are likely to react in a way to try to take that freedom back.
It’s a close brother to “reverse psychology.”
Are you looking for evidence of how this works?
Check this picture out,
Pretty funny, right?
But how does this apply to making an ex regret losing you.
Well, when you implement a strategy like the no contact rule you are actually taking away your exes freedom to talk to you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz(I’ve talked a lot about this before)
By doing that you are stacking the odds in your favor that they are going to reach out and try to take that freedom back.
Remember, it’s all about positioning.
3. Sprinkle In The Fear Of Loss
Did you know I have a three year old daughter?
One of the most interesting things about her is that she has trouble focusing on one thing for an extended period of time.
I’ll give you an example.
Sometimes my wife and I let her watch TV.
Usually she’ll sit still and watch it for about twenty minutes but inevitably something else will catch her interest.
It’s at this point when I tell her that I’m going to turn off the TV that she throws a tantrum,
But why?
Why is it she is throwing a tantrum?
Well, I believe it’s because she is afraid she won’t get to watch TV ever again. In other words, she’s afraid she will lose it forever.
It really ties into the theory of reactance that I was talking about above.
And that brings us to how you should be handling your ex if you want them to regret losing you.
Sometimes exes need to see someone else enjoying your company for them to react with regret.
Why does this work?
Well, lets say that you decide you are going to go out on a date with someone whose had the hots for you for a very long time.
Inevitably a picture gets taken while you are having fun on the date and gets posted to social media. Your ex, who is a pretty avid social media person, sees the picture and reality hits hard.
You see, your ex may have wondered if you were dating anyone else but wondering and actually seeing it are two completely different things.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAnd sometimes it takes this cold hard dose of reality before your ex starts to realize what they are missing.
4. Double Down On The Best Parts Of Your Relationship
Are you familiar with something called “the peak-end rule?”
No?
Well, you’re in luck because today I’m going to teach you about it.
It’s actually something I talk a lot about when I coach people and have even talked about it in my book (link).
Here’s the break down,
The Peak-End Rule: When human beings remember an experience they remember it based on two points, the peak of the experience and the end of the experience.
This is a perfect psychological concept to grasp when it comes to breakups.
Most of the time this is the general arc of a relationship,
Notice how there is a sure rise at the beginning of the relationship and then eventually that rise plates and it’s all downhill from there.
According to the peak-end rule your ex is going to remember your time together based on two points roughly here and here,
A huge reason for why an ex doesn’t regret their decision to leave is because every time they think back on your time together they aren’t thinking of that peak portion where things were great.
Instead, they think of the end and usually the end is synonymous with some really bad stuff.
It’s hard to regret something that isn’t really anything to get excited about.
So, what you should be doing is finding subtle ways to highlight the best parts of your relationship which will reinforce that peak part of the relationship.
Luckily, I have a few strategies in mind for you.
5. Bring Your Ex Back To The Good Old Days Emotionally
This may sound a little strange but I want you to take out a piece of paper and start to list all of the best times you had with your ex.
I’d also like to add another level of complexity and require that you focus only on writing down the best times as it relates to your ex.
In other words, try to take yourself out of the equation and ask,
Did my ex really enjoy this?
If you come to the conclusion that they didn’t then it isn’t going to make the list.
I’ll wait….
…..
…..
Do you have your list?
Yes?
Perfect!
Once you have your list I actually want you to slip in some of these memories during conversations with your ex.
I actually talk about this technique a lot in my book and call it, “the memory text.”
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
One of my fondest memories is the time that my wife and I actually went on a hot air balloon ride before we were married.
Perhaps the coolest part about this experience was how it ended.
I was always under the assumption that hot air balloon pilots had a very specific place that they would land.
Turns out reality is a bit different.
Our hot air balloon pilot literally landed in someones backyard. To make matters crazier the whole neighborhood saw us coming and came to watch.
AND TO MAKE MATTERS EVEN CRAZIER.
The backyard we landed in was having a birthday party.
Here are pictures,
Do you see how awesome that story is.
Can you imagine if I told that story in a text like this,
The key is to really pick a memory that is going to incite a lot of emotion within your ex. Something that will stop them in their tracks and make them reminisce.
If you are looking for ideas I suggest you check out this guide my buddy Brad Browning did for texting your ex.
There are tons of ideas there for you to look at.
Conclusion
You made it to the end!
To be honest, I never know how to end these articles so here is all I’ll say.
I answer everyone who comments.
So, if you have any questions about your situation make sure you comment and I usually get back to people within 24 hours.
See you next time!
Victoria
May 22, 2023 at 6:32 pm
Hi
I broke up with my ex 4 weeks ago. I haven’t really started NC yet at send an apology email which was well received. He has since said that we just don’t work as a couple. Is there anything I can do to try and change this mindset?
Coach Shaunna Nicol
May 24, 2023 at 5:36 pm
Hi Victoria, so you would first start with looking at why he believed you do not work as a couple – at this current state is that true? Are you too anxious? Does he show traits of being an avoidant? Do you both give each other what you need and want in relationship? When you can identify his reasons for the break up and spend some time working on your attachment style to become more secure, showing how you are growing as a positive and happy person then you will see a change in his attitude towards you.
Phoenix
December 6, 2021 at 5:37 pm
I threw my boyfriend out after 14 years because he cheated on me with my daughters friend. I want him to regret every second of losing me.
Phoenix
December 6, 2021 at 5:35 pm
Hi I threw my boyfriend out of 14years because I was suspicious of him sleeping with my daughters friend. Which was proven after the fact. He is accusing me of harassing him when all I did was ask him to tell his mother to stop harassing me and my daughter. I have blocked him on my whatsapp. His friend keeps sending me messages and pictures of him with that girl about his behavior and actions. What do I need to do to get him to regret what he has done to me?all I want is to make him feel like shit and regret the day I put him out
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 7, 2021 at 6:08 pm
You want him to regret the loss you need to work on yourself to get over the pain he has caused to you and show him that he lost the best he could get. I completely understand the anger you have towards him, as for his mother and friend I would suggest that you ask them both to leave you alone and move on with their lives. If that does not work then block them.
Zoe
September 28, 2021 at 3:57 am
I really hope that you’ll answer this, what can I do to make my ex back if we’re still friends and we need to talk to each other because we’re co-workers?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 3, 2021 at 4:14 pm
Hey Zoe, so if you are co-workers you would need to follow the LIMITED no contact rule. It is pretty easy, you only speak with him for work related issues IF no one else can help you or advise you. Otherwise you avoid speaking with him at all for a solid 30 days.
Zoe
December 14, 2020 at 3:01 am
Ex and I broke up approx 7 months ago. The break up was amicable and we were still friends after that. Over time he mentioned he felt a bit uncomfortable being friends as he found it hard. However, not long after, I started finding out he’s been telling people lies and false stories about our breakup. Every time I would hit him up about it, he would say it either never happened or he was too drunk to remember. 2 months after the break up he started dating someone else, keep in mind he broke up with me because he wanted to do his own thing and wanted to be single for a while as he has been in relationships for the last 8 years. I felt like he lied to me and more so lied to himself. I did try really hard to rekindle our relationship after the break up at least 3 times.
Eventually he completely overexagerrated the whole scenario, didnt want to talk to me at all and blocked me from everywhere. I tried really hard to understand why his behavior completely switched after our break up and why he was so cruel to him. He unblocked me beginning of this month. I congratulated him a week ago (new career) and got no reply. I messaged him again a few days later basically saying that it was time to resolve this and to stop neglecting me as I was a human being capable of experiencing emotions too. I tried to be the bigger person and deal with this issue rather than run away and shut down and pretend like the last year and a half never happened. I told him I was aware of him lying to me about the reason he wanted to break up, about the false rumors he made up for our work colleagues, etc and that I forgave him for it and explained that I shouldn’t be the one taking responsibility for all as it seemed to be more of a misunderstanding than anything else ie there were no threats, fights, malicious intent, etc.
He finally replied and said he wanted to leave it all behind us and move on, but didnt agree with what I “accused” him off. He said he was happy with where he was and wanted to keep it that way – being in a new committed relationship, moving to a new city, etc. I told him I was happy that he was happy but wanted to know what exactly he didnt agree about as I was aware his statements were controversial and he did completely the opposite of what he said. He replied saying we couldnt be friends after everything that happened and claimed he didnt do any of it and wished be all the best.
I know we will eventually cross paths as we are in the same career and dont really have a say of where exactly we get posted once promoted. I know that there is a high chance we will be in each others lives as colleagues eventually. My question is, how do I get a stubborn guy like him come back? Is there any way around it and what can I do?
He hasnt taken responsibility for his wrongdoing and genuinely believes he did nothing wrong. I’m aware theres still a lot of healing that needs to happen and hopefully some self reflection on his part, but hes the kind of guy that usually sweeps everything under the rug and doesnt look back.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 23, 2020 at 10:57 pm
Hi Zoe, your best bet on getting someone like this back is following the program, but also making sure that you work on yourself to be the best version of yourself. Use social media, mutual friends and sphere of influence so that you are doing great in life and are happy. Make him feel that he is on the outside looking in on this great change that you have made since being broken up.
Slie
October 22, 2020 at 4:53 pm
What to do if your husband cheated on you never apologise and ask for his lobola back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 22, 2020 at 6:17 pm
Hi Slie, it really depends on what you want to achieve – I would allow him to have his items if he has left the home. But if you want to get him back then you need to go into a No Contact (limited if you have shared children)
Laila
September 9, 2020 at 1:00 am
Ended a 13 yrs relationship very amicably. He wanted kids, I was not ready… Break up took about a year and a half. I moved out, but we continued dating long distance trying to make things work. No day went by when we did talk. We saw each other every other months. We’ve been officially broken up about eight months now. I truly regret losing my best friend. I miss our bond.
Since then, he’s started dating (a friend of a friend). He still checks up on me every two, three days, but disappears whenever he’s with his new gf. They are doing long distance.
I’m afraid to mention to him, I want him back, I miss what we had. Hard to erase 13 years. We communicate like best friends. Every now and then I remind him of our relationship, but he brushes over anything too sensitive. His new relationship seems to be getting serious. He’s introduced the new gf to his family. I’d like to know how to approach things. Have I lost him? How do I make him come back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 11, 2020 at 8:49 pm
Hey Laila, you can not MAKE him come back. You can how ever work on yourself to be the best version of yourself to make your ex look at you in a different light and regret leaving. This all starts with No Contact, working on yourself and the holy trinity. And then start the texting phase
Qu'Raina
August 12, 2020 at 8:52 am
It’s been 1 month since me & my ex broke up.
I broke up with him because of lack of communication.
I’m big on communication.
I did end up regretting it because he is a good man, sweet guy..
Because I know he had issues he was dealing with.
But again I love communication tell me what the issue really is. I felt like he was trying to push me away.. so I ended the relationship.
( it was a long distance relationship. )
He ended up telling me
1. ” you’re the right person it’s just wrong timing. ”
2. ” I won’t forget you but I don’t want a long distance relationship or friendship. If my situation changes to when I can travel then we can try to work things out.”
I tried to fo the NC I ened up contacting him last week
To see how he was doing and apologized to him for how I acted
” I did act desperate when I realized I could lose him for good.”
He told me that he feels I don’t owe him an apology
And that he hoped I was doing good too. We haven’t spoke since.
I want to give this NC a try again without reaching out to him again.
It’s hard but I really want to try it full force NC.
Sherry
July 24, 2020 at 9:33 pm
16 years together he cheated because I was so distant one the last two years due to a house fire and death of my niece. He has left for the other women who is now claiming to be pregnant. They started talking literally a little less than two months ago. He is cold drug his feet about moving out until I made him because he said he didn’t know what to do. I have been no contact for about a week except for a joint account that has to be settled.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 24, 2020 at 11:53 pm
Hi Sherry, you are able to contact him about the joint account if needed, but I suggest opening your own account and changing the things that you pay for. Cut the contact with him as much as you possibly can for now. Currently he thinks the new relationship is better, you will eventually find out if she is pregnant or not. I would suggest that you take a step back during your NC and decide what it is you want for yourself and your future
Sayantan Saha
June 14, 2020 at 5:11 am
My ex & I always had a great life until we were in college and we came into a long distance relationship. Her friends circle convinced her that I was the worst guy to date in the world and those guys were far better. Eventually after several events she broke up with me and defamed me on social media. And the hilarious part is I still love her,cant get over her. She is not a type of person who ever regrets on her decisions
Osako James Peter
April 18, 2020 at 8:30 am
Thanks so much I think I will try to do because I broke up with my girlfriend and I don’t the reason she left and when I try asking her she tells me to leave her for some period of time but what am seeing is she has someone else so am really heart broken and I don’t know what to do help
Rae
April 8, 2020 at 3:18 am
Hey Chris,
My ex and I broke up 8 months ago from a 3 year relationship. Our relationship was very passionate but the last year was very rocky but we kept trying to make it work. He was even talking about rings and asked me to move in with him weeks before we broke up. Well one weekend we had a blow up and 7 days later he was with another girl. Still with her now and she is opposite of me! A few weeks after we broke up he started telling me how she isn’t me and he missed me and losing me was a big regret… but he never left her. I also was not pushing him to. Fast forward to about 3 months ago he started contacting me more. Again he would tell me he missed me and regrets losing me and wishes he could go back. But again never left her. The last few weeks he’s been pushing it more. Telling me he misses me and misses the past and hates his present life. Again telling me losing me will always be his biggest regret. Those things were said today… then he posts a picture with her on snapchat but deleted it seconds after. It was a punch to the gut. I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. I feel like he is just playing with me. Wanting to know if he can still have me?? I’m having a very hard time. What do you think his motives are?? How do I handle it from here on out.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 14, 2020 at 10:45 pm
Hi Rae the fact he moved on so quickly I would say he is rebounding if he was not already speaking with the new girl. If you want your ex back then you need to first complete 45 days NC and then start the being there method.
Ayomide
March 25, 2020 at 12:37 pm
Hello, me and my baby daddy broke up 7 months ago and we have a son together I have r not contacted him but he contacted saying he wants to see his son and never poped up… So I did not pick his call again and I have not contacted him what do you think he wants??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 28, 2020 at 4:30 pm
Hi Ayomide, I would say he wants to see his child
Andee
March 24, 2020 at 9:01 pm
Hi! I enjoy reading your articles. What if the situation is slightly reversed? He didn’t breakup with me, but I broke up with him? My ex was out there looking on social media for something physical (so he says) and as soon as I found out with him I broke up with him on the spot and asked him to leave. I was shocked when he was genuinely heartbroken. I am considering getting back together with him, but since I did the breakup, should I be the one reaching out to him? Or should I wait for him to reachout to me? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 27, 2020 at 12:20 am
Hi Andee, the information is still valid you still complete a No Contact and if you want them back then you need to assess the reason you ended the relationship and if that reason is not going to come back if you were to get back together
Jessica
March 15, 2020 at 5:09 pm
My ex and I broke up a week ago. This is our second break up in a year and a half and this time we lived together. He was caught getting a random girls number while out one night without me and I kicked him out. He never tried to get back in my good graces, he just left and got a new apartment. He says he made a huge mistake and would never cheat on me and does not remember doing it, however, we will never work and we do not make each other happy. Last time we broke up he met someone 6 days later and had a long-distance “relationship” with her for two months before coming back. He has already started going out and bragging to his friends about the “single life”. I’m pretty sure my case is the most tragic and helpless posted. I have started no contact today. I am going to try my hardest for 45 days and then regroup. Last time we never went more than two weeks without contact. I am afraid he will sleep around and cross a line that cannot be undone a second time and just never cared. I just want him to regret losing me and come back…I know that is pathetic. Is there any hope?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 18, 2020 at 2:50 am
Hi Jessica so if you want your ex back, then follow the program. If you want your ex to regret losing you, work through the Ungettable information and apply this to your life. Using mutual friends, social media and making sure that you are focusing on creating the best life for yourself so that you are truly happy
Sharma
February 28, 2020 at 3:54 pm
Hlo chris
Me and my ex recently brokeup..we were in relation since last 6 months.and the relation was an on/off again.he loved me nd I too loved him..but we were unable to create understanding during our whole relationship.his past relation before me was a very successful one but oppositfky I had a worst experienced in my past before him..during my first breakup with my first ex before him I was badly hurted and disappointed nd cheated by him..nd It took me 4 months to completely move on from him..but my first ex kept on coming back nd back but I was moved on..my first breakup killed my sense of behaving nd trusting again.though I loved my recent ex completely but I never got able to trust him..not I told him about my ex because i didnt want to talk about that bastard as it always make me depressed.but I never hide the fact that I was in relationship before him..few days ago we had a fight and that day i tried to explain him each and everything that why i always stay insecure and mistrust him i told him about my past experience nd my how badly that affected my ability to trust again..I have lied to him many times just because I didnt want to tell him about my frst ex..I used domfine else’s name as my ex..few days ago I honestly told him.everything whatever I hide from him..and i made him clear that my intentions were not hurt him nor i cheated him..i was loyal to him but the pain from my first breakup never let me to act normal..but he didnt understand me.
He said I hurted him deeply by telling him the truth or by lying to him..I apologized..I gave him proof I made him understand.. ut he didnt trust and kept on making me feel guilty..and atlas he said he doesnt need me anymore..he just want to be away from me ..I asked him to understand my situation but he said he dont want to have any proof..
What should I do?is it over?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 12, 2020 at 10:43 pm
Hey Sharma it sounds as if you need to give your ex some space and time without talking about this issue. It will take some time for him to get over it but he will. I would say that you need do a no contact of 45 days as you keep pressing on trying to prove yourself to him is just pushing him further away at the moment
Trishia
February 23, 2020 at 8:13 am
me and my boyfriend were just in a short term relationship and is a long distance. we have broken up for over 3 weeks now and he still watches my instagram story with a new account he created bc i blocked him in his other account. he broke up with me because he said our situation is hard, we always fight and that hes tired of the responsibilities. after a week of our breakup we said to me that his decision in giving us up is final and that hes better without me. and until nowni still miss and want my ex back, whatever he did to me, bad or good, i still love him. how should i get him back especially when we cant bump coincidentally because we are far from each other. how can i make him miss me and regret leaving me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 28, 2020 at 8:47 pm
Hi Trishia, so getting an ex to miss you can be simply done through using No Contact, where he does not get to hear form your at all for 30 days at the least and you use social media to show how well you are doing in life since the break up
Naila Ali
February 4, 2020 at 8:06 pm
Hi.
My ex bf left me 3 months back. The reason was his family forced him to break-up. Because we used to fight alot and his family came to know about it. He stopped contacting me blocked me from all social media accounts. He became cold and distant. I begged him to come back but he misbehaved and puts all the blame on me for ruining the relationship. I was loyal with him. I was ready to change myself. Will he ever regret his decision?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 8, 2020 at 5:37 pm
Hey Nalia it sounds as if there was a lot of negative aspects of your relationship. I would not expect him to come back if both of you do not work on yourselves for the better.
Sharma
February 4, 2020 at 2:38 am
Hey chris
Me and my boyfriend recently got breakup. The reason was I was getting negative guts regarding him as I was not feeling the same love nd care..so I decided to test him through fake I’d..but I doubted that it was me..he said he knew it was me and he will finish things..but he asked me for an explanation that y I did this..I didnt want to explain that his behaviour was getting on my nerve and I was feeling insecure so I did that.but in highly anger state he again asked me nd forced me to tell then I angrily said that I just did timepass which i meant that I did timepass with fake I’d not with him.but he misunderstood.nd broke up with me.he abused me..block me from whatsapp md insta.
What should I do..do I have chances?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 11, 2020 at 11:39 pm
Hey Sharma, so you need to go into a No contact and leave your ex have some space. While working on yourself and assessing why you felt insecure enough to create the fake profile and test his loyalty to you
Nisha
November 15, 2019 at 5:57 am
I loved this man since past 2 years but I never told him in the fear of being rejected.suddenly he sent me follow request on Instagram 1 day and started chatting with me and spent some time with me and I started loving him more but I came to know that he had a girlfriend and he was just doing time pass with me.i am depressed,I have no one to share my story with.what should I do?please help mw
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 18, 2019 at 7:42 pm
Hi Nisha, I would suggest you take some time away from this man as you have said he has just used you to fill the time away from his girlfriend. Work on getting yourself feeling better, see a therapist for the depression and work on becoming Ungettable. Then when it has been 30 days of not talking to this guy re enter a conversation a new version of yourself so that you give yourself the chance to do the being there method. Good Luck