What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator ” What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

Four words, four little words can be the difference between having a relationship or being in the friend zone forever.

“Let’s just be friends….”

In my time here building Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have received close to 300 emails from different women, all with unique stories about their boyfriends and breakups. One common theme that I have picked up on when communicating with them is “what are you supposed to do if your ex boyfriend says he just wants to be friends?” Now, I will admit that if you find yourself in this position you are going to have some work to do and even if you do everything that I outline on this page you still may not be able to get your ex boyfriend back.

This is The Friend Zone Page..

My readers have dubbed this as the “friend zone page.” Since this page has garnered so much attention I thought I would come back and buff it up a little bit. So, this new version of the page is going to focus a lot about how YOU can get out of the friend zone if you have been placed there by an ex. Now, since you are on this page I am assuming that your ultimate goal is to get your ex boyfriend back.

There seems to be a common misunderstanding that getting out of the friend zone is essentially the same thing as getting a boyfriend back. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but it isn’t. Getting out of the friend zone doesn’t guarantee you success in getting him back. All it does is prove that you could POTENTIALLY be more than friends with him again. There are a lot of goals/steps that have to pass in order for you to be an official couple again and this page cannot help you with that. Remember, this article is only about how to get out of the friend zone.

If you are looking for something a little more in-depth that can give you the full steps to getting a boyfriend back then I would like to point you towards Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my ebook.

Check Out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

A Sad Truth That You Need To Accept

I am going to tell you something that almost everyone else out there is afraid to tell you. All I can do is raise your chances of getting your ex back. Ultimately, the decision on whether he should take you back or not is up to him, not me or you. Even if you do everything right he may still decide that it’s best to move on. The sad truth is that a part of the strategy outlined on this page is out of your hands.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that you may not get him back. I am going to be completely honest with you, women who tend to do better when it comes to getting out of the “friend zone” and into the dating zone are ones who have accepted this sad truth. The ones that I see fail time and time again are the ones that are overly emotional and can’t accept that life may have to go on without their ex significant other.

The Friend Zone

Ahh… the dreaded friend zone! It’s a place that we have all put someone in the past and a place that we never want to be. I will admit that my introduction to the friend zone came in my early high school years. However, I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a girl who I really liked a lot and thought she felt the same about me. I soon found out how wrong I was when I asked her out to a school dance and got the dreaded “Umm… we can go as friends right?”

Make no mistake about it, I know what it is like to have feelings for someone and not be able to do anything about it. The question I am going to ask is, “is it possible to get out of the dreaded friend zone?”

I personally believe that it is possible. However, you have to accept that a certain part of getting out is left up to chance.

Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Since we are talking about ex boyfriends here you do have a certain advantage on your side. You see, in the example I gave above (where I asked the girl to the dance) I was at a disadvantage because the girl had no romantic feelings for me at all. Your case is a little different because your ex boyfriend has already demonstrated that he does have romantic feelings towards you. Now, he may have lost his feelings towards you which is why he broke up but don’t worry because I am going to give you the tools you need to reignite his feelings for you. First things first though.

Freezing Him Out

(If you want to learn more about the no contact rule I suggest reading PRO as soon as possible.)

If this is going to work there are a certain amount of sacrifices that you are going to have to make. These sacrifices won’t be easy and even as I write these words I am sure that 90% of the people reading this page will fail to do them. Why? Because most people don’t have to discipline to do what I am about to suggest.

I am a big believer in the No Contact Rule. You know, that little rule that says you can’t talk to your ex in any way shape or form for 30 days? If you look through my site you will see that almost on every page I mention it’s significance. If that doesn’t tell you how important I think it is then perhaps a few website visitors can convince you.

The following quotation is a comment I received yesterday from a woman who has been actively freezing her ex boyfriend out using the no contact rule!

I originally left a post on the 8th….. And stopped contacting him unless it was about our daughter. It’s been three days, I’m telling you NC works. This morning at 7am I received a text from him that said “do not respond to this, but I miss you”. Holding strong, and I have been running and eating healthier. The next time he sees me I am going to look amazing. Hold on with the the NC ladies, it’s one of the hardest things, but after three days I already had him admitting that he misses me! …. Keeping busy!!

“Alright, alright Chris, we get it No contact = Good but you haven’t told us how it can help get us out of the friendzone?”

Usually when people get “friendzoned” they accept their fate and actually become friends with the person they are interested in. Now, what do friends do? Well, they talk, text message, facebook, etc. I am not saying this behavior is bad I am just saying that you can’t expect to get back on your ex boyfriends radar doing this.

Since we are focusing specifically on an ex boyfriend the dynamic is a little different. Most women who come to me seeking for help have done the following things immediately after their breakup:

  • They have blown up their exes cell phone with whiny text messages like “please, we are worth fighting for” or “I can change I promise.”
  • Their behavior has forced their ex to unfriend them on Facebook.
  • They have put their ex in an uncomfortable corner where he would no longer respond to their texts or calls.
  • Written letters declaring their undying love.
  • Oh, and my personal favorite, gone to their exes parents to ask for advice.

Trust me, this behavior is not attractive to men. In fact, we are hardwired to believe that it is expected from women after a breakup. I remember my last serious breakup the exact thoughts I had going through my head were “I wonder when she is going to call me?” Now, you may be thinking “wow that is great he wanted her to call.” I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it like this “I wonder when she is going to call me to start trying to get me back?” I must give my ex props for not being too desperate and clingy. However, three days later she texted and in my mind at that moment she lost her value to me.

You see, for three days I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the call or text, almost expecting it. It was exciting to be left in suspense like that but all the excitement left the moment my hypothesis was confirmed and she texted. Now, can you imagine how different that situation would have gone if she would have just waited a full 30 days before texting me? Let me give you a small sample of how I think I would have reacted.

Days 1-5: “When is she going to text me? I know she totally wants me back.”

Days 6-12: “Something is wrong, &*^% she is really over the breakup.”

Days 12-20: I’d probably break down and text…. no response… I get very very angry.

Days 20-30: “Well fine… I am sooo over her..” she finally texts “Wow, I can’t believe this happened.”

Notice how slowly but surely I went kind of crazy! Guys only go this crazy over girls they are interested in hearing from. Of course, not all guys will react this way but don’t worry. I know exactly what to do in those cases as well.

Time To Take Matters Into Your Own Hands

The no contact rule alone probably will not be enough to get you out of the friend zone. For some women, you will find that a simple freeze out for a month will be enough. However, in my experience, more has to be done to reclaim your old relationship. This section is the “more” that has to be done.

Now, I am not going to lie to you. It is very easy to screw up this part. If you say one wrong thing or act just a tiny bit too desperate your chances of getting him back will be gone faster than you can say “goodbye.” No pressure right? Haha. Don’t worry though, I am going to do my best to lay out this method in the simplest manner possible so you can understand exactly what you need to do.

IMPORTANT- In order for the methods below to work to their fullest extent you must have implemented a 30 day no contact rule.

Catching His Eye

You are going to text your ex boyfriend.

“Whoa… Wait, Wait, Wait! What about calling, emailing or writing a letter?”

Good question! I actually wrote an entire section in The Texting Bible outlining the benefits of texting vs. calling, emailing and letters. Check it out here. So, after you read that section and we are on the same page the question now becomes “what do you say to your ex after all this time in a text message?”

Well, I actually have two methods for a first contact text. One method will be for women whose ex boyfriends have contacted them during the no contact period and the other method is for women whose boyfriends didn’t.

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Contacted Them During NC

Alright, admittedly you already have a bit of an advantage over the other women (the ones whose bf’s did not contact them.) Your ex is clearly interested in you, probably a little worried and maybe a little angry that you haven’t been responding to him. Anyways, the point of all this is that it probably won’t take a lot to get your ex to respond to your first contact text. With that in mind, I definitely WOULD NOT recommend that you send him a simple one word text like:

“hey” or “hi”

In fact, I would even say variations like:

“hey, what’s up?” or “whats going on?”

Are a really bad idea.

(Again, this is covered in The Texting Bible)

If you are going to send a text to your ex boyfriend (who told you he just wants to be friends) a simple “Hey, whats up?” isn’t going to do the trick. Your text needs to have substance and it needs to force him to reach back in his mind and think of something positive. Here are a few of my personal favorite examples:

Or another one of my favorites:

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Did Not Contact Them During NC

I know it feels hopeless. You read about the no contact rule and were sure it was going to work. You waited day after day secretly hoping that today was the day that he would finally reach out to see how you were doing… only he didn’t. What now? Should you give up and just accept that maybe you two weren’t meant to be together?

No, you aren’t going to give up until you try everything you can.

First things first, your main priority isn’t to start up a conversation with a friendly text (like the women did in the examples above.) Your main objective is to get him to respond to your text message and then engage him in a conversation. So, how do you get him to respond to a text message when deep down you have a feeling that he wants nothing to do with you.

You create a text message so enticing that it is impossible for him NOT to respond to it.

I will provide you with examples for my “enticing” text below but some of you may not like it because it will require a lot of planning and thought for what to say after the message to keep him hooked in. However, our main objective is just to get him to engage in a text messaging conversation with you because it is a sign that he is interested in what you have to say.

However, if you have a better idea for your “enticing” message then feel free to use it or you can ask me what I think about it in the comments section of this page. Lets take a look at the two examples that I have come up with.

or

The key to making these texts work is to have something interesting to say after the initial “confession.” What you need to say is completely up to you. However, the probability that you will get a response is very high so make sure you have something prepared.

Also, this is something that is a personal preference to me. I would actually wait one hour from the moment that he responds before you respond to his text messages. This way, he is sweating a little bit and can’t wait for your response. It will take amazing discipline but it might increase the chances of him engaging you in a conversation.

The Conversation

This section is extremely important because it is going to teach you how your conversations should go with your ex. While I plan on going as indepth as I can here nothing will ever compare to the detail that I use in the bible here.

I am going to give you a little insight to the male mind. The thing about men is that a certain part of their attraction towards women is very predictable. You see, we always want what we can’t have. You tell us that we can’t have that cookie on the plate… we want that cookie. You tell us that we can’t have that cute blonde in the corner… we want that cute blonde in the corner.

Here is the funny thing. Most men, once they set their mind to something they get a bit of tunnel vision. They focus on that one thing and block everything out. You want your ex to get his tunnel vision on YOU. The only question is how do you accomplish that?

Well, that is easy! You just become something that he can’t have by dominating every texting conversation you have with him. Now, when I say “dominate” I don’t mean to actually dominate him. For example, if you are a Republican and he is a Democrat do not dominate him in the conversation to the point where he changes party affiliations, that’s just scary.

No, I want you to dominate the conversation by ending it first. You always want to leave with him wanting a bit more. I would compare this to the show Game of Thrones. If you have ever seen GOT then you know how wildly addicting it is. However, if you really stop to think about it, while the writing is great and the plot twists come out of nowhere, it is really the shows ability to keep you coming back for more that makes it so interesting. Every single episode is left with an amazing cliffhanger that makes you go “WHYYYY… Why does it have to end?”

I want you to take this “cliffhanger” theory and apply it to your conversations with your ex boyfriend via text message. Make sure that you always leave him wanting more.

How do you do this? Well, there are really two ways to do this.

Method One: The Nice Way

The nice way to end a conversation with your ex is to start the conversation with him, hook him in the conversation.

The Hooking Point- The part of the conversation where your ex is extremely engaged. Think of it like the climax of the story, except it is the climax of the conversation.

Anyways, once you have him hooked you simply bow out of the conversation with this simple text:

Method Two: Evil Genius Way

I really can’t take credit for this method. I have to thank almost every single girl that I have really liked and not gotten. I have found that this method works on me (so by default it should work on your ex boyfriends and help you get out of the friend zone.)

This method is a lot like the one described above. You get engaged in a conversation with your ex, you get to the hooking point of the conversation and then you end the conversation abruptly making him want more. Here is the only difference.

Instead of ending the conversation with a simple “I g2g” like I explained in the example above, you end the conversation by not responding at all.

This will accomplish two big things. For one, he is going to be checking his phone multiple times, which will reinforce to him that you are important. Secondly, technically you never ended the conversation so you can always start back up whenever you want and it won’t be weird!

What Do You Think? (1,157)

  1. Ann Taylor - 0

    Ann Taylor

    Hi I would be grateful for some advice. My boyfriend and I had been going out for six years until last month when he broke up with me. He said we had different priorities, he wants kids sooner than me and said I prioritise my career too much. I have begged him to give me another chance and cut down on my work commitments. I went away for most of the past month on a prearranged holiday and to give him some space. We texted while I was away and sometimes he was really engaging and other times it felt like he was pushing me away. Now he has got in touch to say he just wants to be friends but he wants us to still live together as he would be lonely on his own and he enjoys my company as a friend. What particularly worries me is he is constantly texting another girl. He says they aren’t going out but he might go out with her or someone else in the future and if so, he will move out then as he doesn’t want to disrespect me. I’m very confused what to do now. Should I follow the advice for him having a new girlfriend or for being in the friendzone? Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ann Taylor,
      First, dont agree on being friendzoned.. about the new girl, you cant control if he’ll date her or not

  2. July - 0

    July

    I want to apply this NC rule but me n my bf are in same office and in same friends group.. and it’s really difficult to avoid each other.. please suggest

    Reply
  3. Confuseed - 0

    Confuseed

    Hi Amor,

    I don’t know where to start. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago in a flight to Paris where we both live, but we started dating only one year later. Everything was going great, we always had a really good time together, he makes me laugh and he seemed happy with me. He also said it several times. 4 months after the beginning of our relationship, I had to go to the US for an internship during 6 months, and I told him that I didn’t want to break up with him but i also didn’t want our relationship to be a burden for my 6 month experience, so i told him that we will try to stay together as long as we didn’t argue and we tried to be relaxed about it. 6 months passed and he surprised me by being thoughtful, and supportive and I also tried to keep things interesting and to be relaxed if we didn’t call each other everyday. We stayed together and it seemed easy.
    Once, I returned in Paris we could finally enjoy being together but at the same time we had different circles of friends and we weren’t spending all our time together and it was working for us. I enjoyed our rhythm. I felt that for the first time that it was easy being with someone who has the same needs.

    But this summer, after 1 year and a half together, I traveled during 3 weeks with my girl friends, and the day I returned he broke up with me. I didn’t see it coming, since we weren’t arguing before. He said that he was thinking of breaking up during a month, since the day he learned that he had to live in another city ( just a few hours ride from Paris) next year. He told me that he didn’t want things to end badly, and that he cares for me, thats why he’s doing it now and not once “problems” will surface.
    – First I don’t understand his logic. At least, once you try and things don’t work out because of the distance, then its a reason to split apart, but not just anticipating problems that may or not occur.
    – Second, he says that he wants to keep contact with me , and thats the most important thing for him. That is why he wants to break up and not “disappoint” me with his behavior once he move away. He contacted me few times , sending nice texts. I didn’t respond.

    I don’t know how to deal with him. I am doing NC now since 2 weeks, trying to do things, travel, working out … But I miss him so much. And i don’t know if after NC I should talk to him, and then he would certainly friend zone me since it is all he wishes : that i talk to him. What should I do ? How can he change his mind ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confuseed,

      He is trying to do what you did but his way is friendzoning you.. coz you’re style when you went away is that “there’s no pressure” if it hards then you just break up right?
      which in a way is actually good because that made him feel relaxed and now that he’s in the same position, he doesn’t know how to do the same but just to break up..

      it’s good that you did nc right away..but what did you say to him after his proposal? dod you tell him you dont like it or you just stopped responding?

      either way, be amazing during nc.. make him want to try to make it work with you by being amazing and having fun without him

    • Confuseed - 0

      Confuseed

      Thank you Amor for your response.
      First, when he announced me he wanted to breakup I told him it was a mistake , and that this time it was different from the first experience. We evolved. But his mind. Was already made.
      After that I took one week for myself , traveled, and enjoyed time with friends. At the end of the week , he came to get his things back. I said that maybe his decision was right because, I deserved someone who was willing to fight for me. He agreed and told me that he was missing me since he has no news from me, and wishes that I will try and talk to him. I answered that I wasn’t sure about that, and that I will try maybe if I was ready.
      I don’t know if it was the right things to say.
      But since then ( 3 weeks now) , I am doing everything to show that I am feeling good , and enjoying myself. He hasn’t reached out since then.

  4. Derly - 0

    Derly

    Hi
    Actually I read your page and it seems you can help me figure this situation out.
    My bf and I have been in relationship for a year and 6months. Then he suddenly said he is confused and we cannot be together again. He later on explained I am not mature enough and confessed that I was a good girlfriend, that he enjoyed doing everything with me and that he is so comfortable with me and will prefer we stay as friends. I refused and became silent for close to two weeks. Then one morning he called asking me to send my resume for a job opportunity in his company which I did. Since then we started discussing again. He keeps asking me to be his friend. We have a friend who is getting married so he asked me to help him look for the dress he is going to put on, I accepted. Recently he called to tell me he is sick so I decided to drop at his house with some food and watch tv shows with him. While there he kept on trying to kiss me and bringing me to his bed, I refused saying we are no more tgether. But he kept insisting, when i asked what he wants from me he said he wants me to just accept things as they are. I am really very confused cause I want him back but I am not sure if being his friends will sort things out. What should I do please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Derly

      first he was trying to friendzone you, now he’s trying to be friends with benefits with you.. how’s the job application in his company coming along?

  5. Joanne - 0

    Joanne

    Hey, i usually never do this but this time i feel worse than every time i ever got dumped.. The difference is, this time i dumped him, well not exactly, i made him choose, he couldn’t so i made the decision for him. Ok so me and this guy were dating for a couple of months (we didn’t see each other more than once a week because we live more than an hour away from each other) and my gut feeling was telling me something. So i just asked him if he was dating other girls, he wasn’t but he admitted he had a friends with benefits. I didn’t get mad because to be honest i was really shocked.. We agreed he would come and see me the next week so i had time to let it sink in and we would talk about it further. And so we did, during that week he made a lot of effort to contact me and he was really kind. But then he came to me and we talked, he said i was the perfect daughter in law and with me it was different, he saw a future for us, he could feel it but he didn’t want to stop having sex with the other girl yet because i came in to his life too soon and he needs to feel free first for a while. I told him i could’t do that, he asked me if we could go on as we were and see how it would end but i was very stubborn and said no. Also he thought we might continue to be only friends and i was stubborn and said no again. One week has passed and i fel horrible, i send him a text saying i agree on being friends, he said he was happy to hear that but he seems frigid and not really excited. I want to see him again but i don’t want to be clingy (and just grabbing a coffee might seem weird because we live so far apart) What should i do? I feel really lost

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Joanne,
      do you want to try what Chris advised?

  6. Elena - 0

    Elena

    Hi ! my ex-boyfriend broke up with me because he’s not in love with me. He told me he sees no future togheter as couple but he wants to remain friends. It is really hard because I am still in love with him. He still texts me. It hurst me somehow because it seems he’s already moved on and i am still stucked with thiese feelings 🙁
    I don’t know what to do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Elena,
      do you want to try what Chris advised?

  7. Kyle - 0

    Kyle

    It’s the other way around for me my girlfriend
    Broke up with me an used every single thing I was suppose to use on her on me & it’s confusing that’s like a dude trying to think like the next dude & it’s impossible can one of you women help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI KYle,

      what do you mean that you did every single thing?

  8. Trying With all My Heart - 0

    Trying With all My Heart

    Hello! My boyfriend and I of a year and a half had run into some problems. Mostly it feel like I was pushing and he wasn’t ready. We took a few breaks and took some steps back. Now he thinks “we should focus on trying to just be friends and not confuse the issue.” The problem with the NC rule is that we are neighbors. . makes things majorly difficult in that regard. I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone else in my life. The connection I had with him was the strongest and deepest and he really helped me put my life and my goals into perspective. Any advice you could give me would be phenomenal. We are amazing together and I don’t want to lose that.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Trying with all my heart,

      do you go out and see each other everyday?

  9. Rosy - 0

    Rosy

    I’m meeting up with my ex BF soon. He just messaged me and said he wants to catch up but he wants me to know he’d only like to stay friends and nothing more. And I told him not to worry about that and just let me know when he can meet. He said he just didn’t wanna give out mixed signals (even though he did for so long) we’ve been talking every week for ages. Anyway, let me know what to do.

    Reply
  10. ANON - 0

    ANON

    Hi,
    So while I am willing to do no contact on my ex boyfriend, I have some questions about my particular situation, because I can’t help but feel that my situation is a little different. He and I are each other’s first loves, and we dated for almost four years. This is our second break up, and it happened about a month ago. The conflict I am having is that he and I seem to have something atypical, there is somewhat of an agreement between us that we will be in each other’s lives forever. He has dated other girls during our first break up, and while he told me he had feelings of infatuation towards them, nothing he felt for them ever affected the love he had for me. The reason we broke up the second time is that he wants to be single. He made lots of mistakes after our first break up and really feels that he needs to heal and work on himself, and that he can only do this if he is not focused on another person. However he has told me that I am his soulmate, he will never stop loving me, that we will have our relationship in time and that I am the only person he envisions having kids with, etc. So in the meantime, while we are not dating, he has proposed that we continue to be friends, but not in the normal sense. He says that the relationship we have will not be anything like what he or I has with anyone else, because we still have strong feelings for each other and are still very atttacted to each other. He has said that I have gravity over him and that he feels he will always come back to me, but that he wants a lifetime with me in the meantime. So in essence, he wants to have the social relationship of being friends in the way we interact in public and the expectations we have of each other in terms of communication. But this is all without trying to get over the feelings we have for each other or denying that they exist. The last time I saw him, in this new friendly arrangement, he continued to hold my hand, kiss me, say I love you, etc. But when we are apart, the chat is friendly rather than romantic, and we no longer see each other all the time as a couple would. We don’t call each other as often, but when we do, the conversation is effortless and genuine. When we spend time together, we actually have fun. I honestly feel that removing the responsibility from the equation and just enjoying this strange, in between relationship we have may be the healthiest thing for both of us. He and I need to focus on ourselves, but it was impossible for either of us to do that work when we tried to exit each others lives completely. If I am certain that we will be together in the future, maybe even years from now, shouldn’t I just be with him in a way that both of us need? We are still exclusive, meaning that as long as he and I are still kissing or holding hands, he isn’t doing anything with anyone else. It is almost like casual dating except exclusively and with less “relationship roles and responsibilities”. He and I need to do work on ourselves, but we can’t do that work without each other. But, we can’t be in a relationship because our feelings are too intense and we fight too much, and it is too stressful for both of us. He has even admitted that he believes that the best chance we have of making it work someday is if we managed to get over our old relationship, and learned to function differently together. What happened last time was that we separated completely, and never learned to behave in any way other than how we did in our failed relationship. So when we came back together, we picked up where we left off. For us, I don’t think it is possible to learn to be together in any sort of healthy way if we just cut each other off. So in this way, isn’t it sometimes a good thing to be friends? We have agreed that if either of us becomes interested in dating someone else, we will discuss it. And if wr are friends, I feel that I could be happy for him, whereas when we were separated I did not feel happy for him at all, because I was attempting to detach completely and it only resulted in more resentment. In any case, there is an understanding between us that relationships we have with other people will never negate what we feel for each other, and that we will always come back to each other in the end. The love we have has surpassed that of friends or family, he and I have become life partners, and it is something that cannot be broken by labels.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      if you are sure with what you’re doing now, you wouldn’t need to ask us.
      or is it because you feel being strung along?

  11. tinatin - 0

    tinatin

    hello
    i will try to cut a really long story short. so me and my bf have been good friends for 3 years we both liked each other but i thought he didn’t like me and he thought i didn’t like him. it was only after he confessed that we learned both of us had mutual feelings for 3 years. I was accepted to be an exchange student in US so after 3 month of being in a relationship i had to leave my country, so we were in LDR for 1 year. We tried texting each other at first but it didn’t work out well and I am generally the type of person who feels good wherever she is and doesn’t cling to people. We didn’t really break the connection but it was once in a month or so, when i was coming back to my country he texted me asking how i was feeling an so on. One night he texted me I was someone very special for him, with whom he enjoys doing just anything way more that with anybody else, he said he doesn’t feel exact same way as before but he wants to meet with me and talk to me. So in 2 weeks we met up it was really good comfortable, without any stress. i did want to initiate talking about our relationship but i chose not to rush things. next day he texted me that i am the only girl he enjoys being with and he likes me a lot but doesn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t want to stop being friends with me but also doesn’t want to be in a relationship without honest feelings. He said he is right in the middle and cant decide what to do. He said he might fall in love with me again but now he is sorry if he dissapointed me. I thanked him for giving an honest response and told him I had no intention to be just friends with him as i loved him, it was either all or nothing, and as he said he doesn’t love me in meant we would stop contacting. But we made a promise while i was in US that we would go to a music concert together with friends and we already bought tickets, so i told him the concert would be exception. This happened on 12 July. on the very next day even though we broke up and i told him i didn’t want to be his friend he texted me casually talking about some scientific research about illusions. it was really interesting but as i said i have no intention of being just friends so i ignored his message. he left the city the next day and wont be coming till 25 July as it is a summer vacation for us (we are classmates and seniors in school). I know he will text me and we will see each other at concert on july 30. right after the concert i plan to do NC. it will be more effective because i know on a concert he will feel how good it is to spend time with me and want to keep in touch even more, and obviously feel upset that i am not responding back. I am just curious how to act on concert? and what do you think about this whole situation, how much likely is it to get back together, i really don’t need any hopes, with him or without i will be happy, I am not very emotional person and not desperate to chase him but if it is possible i do want to get back with him.
    thank you very much for reading all this, i am sure it is really hard to answer so many love issues 😀 Good luck! :3

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tinatin,

      I think thatls a good plan
      just look your best and be light and calm.. if you can have fun, have fun!

  12. lilly - 0

    lilly

    hey i need an advice..so we broke up a year ago and he initiated it..it was quite bad.. i destroyed all the gifts which i gave it to him..i begged and tried convincing him but he dint change his decision..the reason he gave me was that he wasnt able to concentrate on his future..now when i actually stopped giving him attention ,he calls me or text me twice in a month saying he miss me wants to be friends ..but i have always told him that i cant be a friend to him and i dont want to talk to him as it got over ..can you please tell me whether i took correct decision or not.. n wat am i supposed to do..coz i feel like talking to him more when he contacts me but i also dont want to seem clingy..thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lilly,

      you said you broke up a year ago.. but when did you actually stopped giving him attention?

    • lilly - 0

      lilly

      thanks for your reply amor.. this year from the month of march.. and forgot to mention that we were together for two years. and when he was asking me why i cant be his friend,i told him that its very hard for me to be friends as i cant kill my feelings for him.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you mean you started no contact, yes you did the right thing.. focus in improving yourself and going out

    • lilly - 0

      lilly

      ohk and i am going to do in better way from now..but this will make sure that he will come back..i mean he may also just stop calling ..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      no contact doesn’t guarantee that you will get him back but it will help increase your chances than staying too available and being friendzoned

  13. Rene - 0

    Rene

    What do you do if you start NC and it’s day one and he sends a text – I am thinking about you. He is also on a dating site. It’s one week post break up. 5 month relationship. Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rene,

      don’t reply and then focus in improving yourself during nc

  14. Jess - 0

    Jess

    My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me saying he was nervous we treated each other more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. However, even that week before we broke up, we were pretty intimate. We never showed a lot of affection around our friends and were hanging out with them all more, so maybe that’s what he was feeling. The timing for no contact could not happen immediately after the breakup due to our friend group being the same. After weeks of him flirting with me and my friends noticing, we finally weren’t around each other since the school year ended. I did no contact where he did not try to reach out. I texted him using tidal theory and he was engaging and sometimes flirty. We had a hangout with all of our friends and he continues to show that he cares, but only when other people aren’t around. He is very comfortable around me when we hang out, but I definitely feel friend zoned. He isn’t ignoring me, but he doesn’t seem to be thinking he is missing something. Is it really possible for a guy to shut off feelings for someone and be okay with just a friendship? The strategies mentioned in this article refer to right after the breakup, but I still feel friend-zoned after implementing multiple strategies. Is it too late in the process to recover from this? Do you think I should do no contact again? Could I tell him that I don’t want to be friends thinking that maybe he will realize he can’t have me how he wants?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi jess,

      no, don’t say that..continue the activities you started in nc..don’t always be available and then date others

    • Jess - 0

      Jess

      I really appreciate your response, Amor. How do you suggest approaching texting if he is not the one to initiate the conversation? If it’s always me, regardless of how often, isn’t that just reaffirming that I’m ‘chasing’ him? If that’s the case, that’s how I feel I am stuck in the friend zone.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it depends more on the topic you use, when and how you end the convo, how the convo went and if you’re continually living actively..

      because if it’s always either neutral or negative and you keep texting, then it does look like you’re friendzoned or chasing

      and you have to end the text in cliffhanger style for him to want to text you

      if he’s not missing you, then he seems to think that you’ll always be there and available

  15. MB - 0

    MB

    hi Amor,
    so i have been dating my ex for the past five months now, we fight over silly things but end up together ! he has hurt me a lot in the past . but i still love him loads and want him back. its kind of an on and off thing. Everytime he gets angry with me or after a fight he doesn’t talk to me for two three days. over the past month we have been fighting a lot over very silly things like food . He thinks i don’t understand him because of these silly fights . These fights are driving me crazy but i love him . He said we should be friends as this is not working out and he feels that it isn’t going to work out any other way . Its been 4 days since the NC rule. I don’t know what to do, please help me! i cannot just be friends with him! i want him back

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI MB,

      are you actively improving yourself now?

    • MB - 0

      MB

      hey, yes i am improving myself. and i have been in the NC for 6 days now. he is out of town and i don’t know if he will contact me when he is back .

  16. Shay - 0

    Shay

    If I use the Evil Genius Way, the next time I write him, should I give him some kind of apology, or tell him I forgot or just not saying anything is better and start a whole new conversation?? And if I use the Nice Way and I say I’m going to meet “Jimmy” for example to make him become jelous, is it a good idea? Or is it better trying not to make him be jelous?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      start a conversation first.. and if you don’t have enough rapport dont tell him about your date with Jimmy in that way.. that would push him away

    • Shay - 0

      Shay

      Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shau,

      ok,.let’s just say that will be uoir last text indicate that you would not be replying for a while and then continue in being active in improving yourself

  17. Aaliyah - 0

    Aaliyah

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for one month. He broke up with me 12 hours ago. I miss him like crazy. He broke up with me because he thought that our relationship was far too closed off and awkward, which made it unhealthy. He wants to be friends with me. Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to win him back, but I remembered that I was also considering of breaking up with him. He was being quite cold on text, and we went through that phase where we had no idea what to say to eachother. Everything about him enchants me, like his smile and his hugs. I care about him so much, and I’ll do anything to change to make our relationship work. I just want to be loved and for him to fill the emptiness inside of me. It’s just that I get extremely nervous around him, which causes me to be unable to say what I want in front of him. I don’t even know if he loves me or still holds any feelings for me. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be. I’m so afraid to move on, I’m scared that I won’t find a guy better than him. He had flaws and apparently flirted with a lot of girls. In spite of that, I ignored it, after all, he might just be a naturally flirty person. There were a lot of issues in our relationship, but I still want him. Am I just going through a phase of insanity? I need help, because I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. Some advice would be highly appreciated. Thanks.

    Reply
  18. ninna - 0

    ninna

    HI, my boyfriend and i have been dating from the past 3 yrs. Yes, we have had on and offs many times. This time he was back to me after four months in which he met me quite a few times and he was the only one approached last time. We had our time for few weeks enjoyed and loved each other the most. Now… past a few days we have fighting for silly reasons but i used to let things go and patch up again. But now he says he has got frustrated with these fights. And he doesn’t want to break up but be friends… i asked him if he wants to leave me and go to some one else. He said he cannot love anyone except me and he wants to be in contact with me cause he cannot live without seeing me and talking to me. He said he cannot love anyone else and most important he doesn’t want anyone right now not even me. He wants some distance for now. He said i can go to any other guy i want but he wont go to any one cause he doesn’t want to give my position to anyone and no one can ever take it. He just want some distance and space. He also said he will contact me everyday and he will get jealous if he comes to know about any other guy….HE WANTS TO BE JUST FRIENDS FOR NOW and i asked him about the future he said he cant predict future but yes he wants to have a future with me. He is just not sure about coming up in life with his career. He has many responsibilities and financial crisis. But yes he is enjoying his life with his friends he has gone for 7 trips in this vacation he says spending time with friends helps him to calm down and think about all the problems he is facing and i am sure he loves me lotss and there is no other girl in his life nor can any other girl come. I trust his love but i dont know after a point of time we start facing problems in our relation. and now he doesn’t want a relationship at all. cause he is tired of fights.and he doesn’t want a relationship tag. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP ME OUT!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ninna,

      do you want to try nc?

    • ninna - 0

      ninna

      yesterday i met him… yes i showed him my anger got pissed at him cause he was behaving like this to me. I would want to tell you all that he has told me….. HE WANTS US TO BE JUST FRIENDS, HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, HE DOESNT WANT ME AS HIS GIRLFRIEND, HE SAID THIS WAS A 1 SIDED RELATIONSHIP, HE CAME BACK LAST TIME CAUSE HE WANTED TO GIVE OUR RELATION A CHANCE BUT NOW HE FEELS HE STRETCHED THE RELATION, ACCORDING TO HIM HE OUR RELATION WAS ENDED LONG BACK HE WAS JUST STRETCHING IT, like everytime even this time he has said he isnt coming back to me….he says LAST TIME HE CAME BACK CAUSE HE COULDNT SEE ME SAD where the reality was he could see i am happy without him and so he texted me that he miss me. Yesterday he gave me an option of becoming friends or ending everything. WHILE LEAVING FROM HIS HOUSE HE HUGGED ME TIGHT. HE SAID I LOVE YOU. HE SMOOCHED ME. ASKED ME NOT TO CRY. HE SAID I AM THE ONLY ONE SO IMPORTANT TO HIM AFTER HIS MOM, HE SAID HE MIGHT COME BACK IN THE FUTURE TO ASK FOR HAND TO MY FATHER . HE SAID HE WILL TRY NOT TO LOVE ME , NOT TO GET JEALOUS IF HE COMES TO KNOW IF I AM CLOSE TO SOME ONE ELSE. and i know him well he cant stand me getting close to anyone else he is super possessive about me. he hates all my guy friends. Initally i accpeted on being just friends cause i thought i could get him back but later i felt i was doing wrong cause eventually i knew he was going to make me jealous by uploading pictures with girls which he did yesterday night and i knew it was going to hurt which did. So i texted him for the last time saying this “SORRY FRIENDSHIP IS NOT A GOOD IDEA I FEEL, I LOVE YOU MUCH MORE THAN THAT, AND THERE IS NO WHERE I CAN PRETEND NOT TO HAVE THOSE FEELINGS FOR YOU. IF I CANT BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND I CANT BE YOUR BUDDY.” and i have deleted his number and removed him from other social networking sites. I did this cause i didnt want to hurt my heart …i know him he would do everything just to make me jealous and yes i at some level i have to think about my self respect and my self. AND YES I HAVE STARTED THE NC but i want to know if what i have done is right and what all can be done to make him beg and come back to me and the most important question will he miss me during NC and are my chances good to have him back again!!!! PLEASE HELP ME I WANT HIM BACK

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He will miss you because he’s possessive. The question is, you have to be strong enough, to know if his actions are just to get you back because he’s possessive or if he really loves you.. And because it has been and on and off relationship. I think it’s safer that you take your time.. don’t rush it.

  19. B - 0

    B

    Just need some advice. To cut a really long story short, me and my bf were really good friends for about 5 years. He fancied me on and off throughout. He told our friends I was always “the one” but I never saw him that way. I was the “ungettable girl”. I had him friendzoned. We spent some time apart with uni and other relationships then one day I saw him in a different light and we clicked. We went out very happily for 3 years, but during the final year I had a lot of anxiety issues which led to communication and intimacy issues which I didn’t come to terms with until it was too late and he didn’t want to be with me anymore. So I begged and pleaded and did everything I shouldn’t have done because I knew the reasons we broke up could be overcome. Obviously this pushed him away further and we finalised our break up. I know he cares about me a lot and he said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend but he said he couldn’t be any more than a friend for me and he didn’t see a future with me. So I agreed to be friends with him because I was so scared of losing him completely. He’s been my best friend for 8 years now. I started NC and a few days in he messaged asking how I was. I ignored it but decided a few days later to say that the friendship wasn’t going to work because he knew I cared about him more than a friend so asking a friendship of me wasn’t fair. I did it for myself because although it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done I know I can’t ever be just a friend. I’m going to continue the NC which has been a week or two since the breakup, I know he’s really stressed out and busy atm and I don’t know if he’ll contact me because I said I needed some time. I know he wants me in his life but I guess my question is, when we get to the meeting, how do I prevent getting friend zoned? I know I need to break the touch barrier but I’m not sure if this will be enough as he’s very stubborn in his decisions. Any advice would be much appreciated

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI B,

      actually greeting him is not allowed because you’re supposed to be trying to move on and I think he knows that too.. So, he’ll understand plus that adds to the chances of him missing you.. If he gets angry, you can apologize one time after nc and just say sorry for how you made him feel but you hope he had a good day that day..

      And then text him again after maybe 5 days..

    • B - 0

      B

      I meant meet him after NC. How do I avoid being seen as just a friend when I see him in person after the NC period has ended?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s a process.. do the push pull theory.. check this post out:
      The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend
      you have to attract every time you meet by looking your best, being fun and not begging him to come back to you and then what you do after the meet also matters.. don’t be available always..

  20. M M - 0

    M M

    My ex and I began dating when I was in paramedic school and he was the partner of one of my preceptors. I knew him for almost 2 years on that professional level and then one day we hit it off so well on our shift that we started talking afterwards and eventually met for drinks, had an amazing time and he kept asking me out. I told him from the beginning that I was very afraid of sharif my feelings and I hated having them. They complicate things and make you miserable when the other person breaks your heart. I was his first real girlfriend in almost a year after he broke up with his fiancé because she cheated and they fought all the time and she was so vindictive. We had a great relationship despite the feelings issue on my part. He kept bugging me and I would get annoyed when he did because I didn’t want to talk about them. I tried opening up more but he wanted more and we were progressing very quickly. He’s the first person I’ve felt this way about in years and I told him that. And he said I had changed his mind about never wanting to be in a relationship again after his ex. We had a fight over the feelings and resolved it but then a couple days later we had another fight about me not opening up about what I want (he was on shift as a fire fighter and wanted to sext and I didn’t). The next day he was supposed to come spend the night at my place for the first time but he got held over at work so I went out with another guy friend and two other couples and it made him jealous the way I said it. I didn’t mean to but I understand why he thinks I did and subconsciously I probably did do it on purpose. He broke up with me over text because he was working and said he’d like to talk to me about this in person. I said I’d like that and waited 4 days before telling him I missed him because he hadn’t contacted me and that I wanted to talk about things and that I was sorry. Over the next week we tried to meet up but our schedules didn’t work and he’s over an hour away. I went crazy one night calling and texting and he blocked me and I didn’t know it. I had done NC for another 4 days without realizing it before showing up at his work after he got off shift. His partner came outside to talk to me and wait with me. He played dumb about us breaking up and I found out that he’d blocked me. He eventually came out because he didn’t think I was still there and we talked in his truck for over 3 hours. He told me that when I made him jealous with the other guy that it flipped a switch and that he doesn’t want to have feelings for me anymore and is mad that now I want to talk about mine. He said that right now he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. We had a really good talk though during this and it felt like nothing changed until we came back to the part about me wanting to get back together. During this time he decided to change careers and may be moving depending on the job offers and that right now he definitely doesn’t want a relationship because of that either. He said after summer and he’s had time to figure things out and what he wants in life that it may be a possibility but there’s no chance of that now. We love each other and had said so and he said he knew I loved him and he didn’t want to hurt me. We agreed to meet on September 1st where we had our first date to talk about things and make a final decision (his suggestion not mine). I tried to push for a closer time to meet but he didn’t want to. Right now he wants nothing to do with feelings or dating and he feels like I did something his ex fiancé would have. We were planning a future together and had made travel plans. I was going to tell him I wanted to move closer to him at the end of the summer and his response when I told him today was that if we were together I would just move in with him because why go somewhere to see me when he could just come home. I’m so confused. He wouldn’t say that he still loves me in any of thing just that he feels “something” but right now doesn’t want to. I wish I’d have left the conversation on more of a high point but I honestly think that we were so used to being single for so long before this that he’ll decide that’s just what he wants to do permanently. We have very similar personalities. I told him today too that I would agree to this if he agreed to keep talking to me (I agreed to just talk to him as a friend not a girlfriend) and that he would try to work through this. We both had a crappy past relationship history but we were both on the same page from day one that we were “the one” for each other. His feelings took such a 180 after I made him jealous that I don’t think they’ll come back. His solution is that if something sparks by September then we’ll pursue it but if not then it’s over for good. He has his summer packed full of plans now though. He flat out told me that he already has plans that barely include sleep from the sound of it (and I had already started mentally doing the same thing. It’s just how we are) and I don’t think he’ll want to make room for me. I plan on doing the no contact for 21 days and then seeing if he’ll go see a movie we’ve both been waiting on to come out. Before I start it though I’m not sure if I should text him to let him know I think he’s right (because I do) that we both need time to evaluate our lives because I don’t think I made that clear today. I want him to understand that I respect his decision but that I have no plans of forgetting that I love him. I am going to text him that and then leave it at that and start my no contact. My gut is telling me that is marry him right now after all of this but my head is saying that I need to move on for my own good.

    Reply
  21. Ave - 0

    Ave

    My boyfriend and I dated for 15 months. We broke up about 3 weeks ago after a long and tear-filled break up. we were each other’s first long term relationship. He told me he’s depressed with work and is worried he’s holding me back. He said he’d been having “doubts” for the last 2 months but couldn’t name them specifically. He insisted we be friends and said that this was the best 15 months of his life and that he still loves me with all his heart.

    He kept saying he wasn’t sure this was the right decision and seemed confused throughout the whole break up.

    Some two hours after the breakup he was messaging me like nothing had changed. Every few days he’d send me a nice text. We have a mutual group of friends that meets once a week and he insisted I show up. I went and acted like nothing was wrong. Fast forward to 2 weeks after the breakup. I realized my depression caused us to lose connection and intimacy. So, I apologized and told him that I’m getting better and am now on anti-depressants.

    He said he noticed I was much happier and that’s what he likes to see. I blurted out I still loved him and wanted to get back together. He said he still loved me too and that we would discuss getting back together. When I asked about the doubts he said they hadn’t gotten better or worse.

    Cut to a week of no contact between us. We hang out with our mutual friends again and he seems really upbeat. One friend asked if he wanted to sit by his “girlfriend” aka me and he awkwardly laughed and said, “Well uh we broke up” then left early.

    I iniated* no contact immediately after that and purchased Chris’s eBook. I’m only about a week in. I’m mad at myself for suggesting we get back together. I should have just let him continue on with the friends thing. At least then he had his guard down and was messaging me every few days. I’m not sure what to do. All our friends and family are equally as confused.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ave,

      you need to show him that you really changed, that the change is not just for him to get back with you.. and when he sees that, it might get him worried too because he sees you’re moving on and yet you’re improving. So, it’s like he’s about to lose something good that he used to have.

  22. Haylee Thomas - 0

    Haylee Thomas

    Also today is his birthday should I text him? I was going to stop by to see the dog again (in hopes that we’d talk again honestly..) he said that was okay.. Is that a bad idea?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Haylee,

      sorry for the late repy.. but also because of that, you get to do what you proposed right? You kept seeing him, so how are you now?

  23. Haylee Thomas - 0

    Haylee Thomas

    So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost three years now and just about 5 days ago he broke up with me out of the blue he told me that he didn’t love me anymore and wanted to break up. I asked him if there is any other reasons and he said no at first but eventually admitted that I’m not very supportive of him and that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. Which I understand and apologized for.

    The first night after we broke up he stayed at my house because I asked him to and we watched a movie together in my bed and I layed on his shoulder (but when the movie ended he slept on the floor) but then in the morning he crawled in bed we didn’t cuddle or anything though. Then a couple days later I went and brought him back all of the stuff he has ever gotten me and he teared up a little and said it was really sad so I asked him if he regretted breaking up with me and he said he didn’t know. Then just last night I went to his house after work at like 10:30 to take our dog on a walk (we have a dog together) but when I got there we talked for almost an hour and a half and we laughed and had fun and it almost seemed like old times but when I asked again if he wanted to get back together he said he’s only considering it because I asked him to. So I finally left to take the dog on his walk but when I was back at his house I cried for a while outside the house and he called to see if I was okay and wanted me to come back inside. It’s Thursday and we have agreed to meet up next Tuesday to talk again.

    He said he just wants to be friends because he likes me still but just does’t want a relationship anymore. But to me it seems like he still loves me and wants more. This is the second big break up we’ve had the other one was almost exactly a year ago but we got back together about a week after and have been good ever since until now. The first time he gave almost the same reasons at first (he didn’t love me, needed space, etc.) but then gave bigger reasons that we actually fixed and became stronger for it. Which I believe we can do again. This time feels almost the same as last time which is why I think we really have a chance. We’ve always talked about marriage and kids after college so I don’t feel like this relationship is worth just throwing in the trash.. I think we just have some issues to work through and we can fix this but he disagrees and says he can maybe see us together in the future but not right now. which let me remind you he said that last time and then we got back together less than a week later.. I know you guys really stress the no contact rule here but I didn’t use that last time and we still got back together almost immediately. I think for him it works best if he sees me, that’s when he starts to get emotional and miss old times. So just humor me here, if you were going to do something BESIDES the no contact rule what would you do?

    Reply

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