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Post categories
Zoey
November 23, 2016 at 12:23 am
So I posted 3 months ago and my ex has msged him to meet up. We did, we talked a lot and even slept together when he said we should get back together (I didn’t verbally agree to getting back). Though afterwards (a day later), he said he’s confused and needs to do some thinking whilst he’s on holidays for me it was the same that I needed to think. A few days later, I wasn’t sure about our commitment or expectations during this time so I msged and he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure whether he misses me or the relationship. We talked and after thinking overnight he said that he’s been thinking and felt like we rushed into things. He said that he needs to be alone and sort out his own life and mindset as he’s moving away for work soon after he comes back from holiday. I’m not sure what I want but what’s the best thing to do in this situation? I’m not sure what’s going through his mind except confusion and I’m getting confused myself. I’ll need to pick up something from him when he gets back from holiday but I can do NC until then. Would it give him the space to think clearly? Can I still bring it up when I do see him even though he said he needs time to sort out his job and mindset and that we should let things come “if it happens, it will happen” in his words.
Zoey
November 25, 2016 at 12:17 am
I definitely won’t be falling for the being intimate without commitment again. He reinforced that we should just stay friends and if we get back together that’s great but in the meantime I’m free to find someone else. I feel as though he’s more intending to string me along rather than really sorting out his feelings/life. He’s more like trying to leave me as a back-up plan whilst he see if it’s greener pasture. I told him that we should refrain from contacting to get back into a comfortable proximity for now because I think he wants the proximity but not commit. However, is there a way to differentiate if he is genuine about getting back together but wants time to evaluate and try at a time which we actually might have a more successful long term or whether he just wants to string me along whilst he look for other girls? I don’t want him to have the mindset that we are going to try when he wants to and on his terms – aka giving him control. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 27, 2016 at 11:36 am
You have to keep having your own life and your own decisions. Observe first, if he asks you out, have fun but don’t just wait for him to do something for you to be happy. If you invited him, and he declined, continue that activity by yourself or with your friends. Make it the other way around. Be so active, productive, that he will be the one to keep up with you if he wants to spend time with you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 9:06 pm
Hi Zoey,
if you’re confused, don’t do things that will make the situation more complicated, like sleeping with him or kissing.. Just make it friendly.. You can talk, go out, have fun but dont be intimate.. And then set a day on when you will decide on how to proceed with the relationship..
Aurora Clements
November 22, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Hello 🙂
My boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me a month and a half ago, here is our story:
We met this summer, and we instantly cliked, it was perfect. Then, we had to be apart for a couple of weeks and texted each other all the time.. Then we got back together, but we could only see each other every 10days or so because i’m studying really hard in college and don’t have time for him. He said it was too hard for him to continue in this relationship as we couldn’t see each other a lot and couldn’t spend any quality time…
However, i know for a fact he really did have feelings for me. but he ended things.
During the breakup he said he still loved me but couldn’t do it anymore.
We kept in touch, i told him he made the right choice and that it was better for the both of us.
However, a couple of days ago he says he wants to meet up with me. I say i can’t cause i’m busy because of college. He says he misses me. I tell him that it’s too complicated as we can never see each other because of my studies.
He then says that he never told me he wanst to be back in a relationship, he just wants to see me (i think he got offended)`
How should I react? (knowing that of course, i still love him, he is an amazing guy.. maybe confused, but at the same time, he is so down to earth..)
Thank you for responding,
Aurora.
Aurora Clements
November 26, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hey! I really want to try, but do you think it’s worth it after his sudden change of mind ;/
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 11:47 am
If you really want to try, take t slow.. Don’t go asking like, if you can get back together. Build rapport first, that way you can have more time to gauge if it’s really worth getting back with him
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 7:29 pm
Hi Aurora
do you want to stay friends or you want to try for a relationship again?
Simone
November 22, 2016 at 7:01 am
Last year I told my ex by text message I still loved him. He said I need to stop having feelings for him. Then he seen me in person and shouted at me in public saying that me and him will never get back together. I persuaded him to let me give him a lift home, at first he said no but he accepted after. Recently he is really helpful to me. He helps with our child we go out once in a blue moon and do things with our child he even takes me to appointments (just the 2 of us). I invited him for dinner then he seemed off with me so I told him I care and that he should smile and not be angry then he didn’t reply. I’m thinking to make a move on him to see if he still gets angry and pushed me away. I don’t understand why he gets angry when I let him know that I like him but his still helping me. Is he just not interested?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 4:05 pm
Hi Simone,
I think you’re misinterpreting him being helpful.. If he’s really interested, he wouldn’t push you away but that mean he can’t be friendly with you. You have a child together, maybe he wants to coparent peacefully with you
Dee
November 21, 2016 at 7:55 pm
Hi
My bf of 6 1/2 years and I split 5 weeks ago. Over the time there was a 3 year period he didn’t work and was smoking weed every day. 2 1/2 years ago he got a job and 6 months into it he had to stop smoking as the company has a no drugs policy. He stopped immediately and I told him I was so proud of him for doing it but as time went on he became more and more lazy, selfish and angry. Picking fights, talking to me in a horrible way etc. I put this down to the no longer smoking weed and the fact that we were both tired, as I work full time, so am out of the house by 7.30 a.m. And he starts work in the afternoon but at times doesn’t finish till 3 a.m. And to cut a long story short, someone had to stay with the dog, as when he was a puppy he wouldn’t sleep alone. We went on holiday and had a great time. He’s not a touchy, feely kind of person and when we first met he told me he didn’t want kids or marriage etc (he’s 20 years younger than me) but on holiday, he was very attentive and we seemed to connect again. Once home his folks gave him a car and he immediately stopped the insurance on the car we shared and moved it to his sole name. I felt he was taking my independence away and we had a massive row. I left the house to cool down but when I came back, he was sitting eating piazza and said he’d had enough of the rows, that we’d been kidding ourselves and were now just friends who lived under the same roof, that he wanted to better himself and was 10 years behind all his mates. He said that he does love me and thinks a lot of me as I’ve been a big part of his life and we have so much in common and he’d like to stay friends, he then took me out to dinner and kept smiling when I did the things he could predict I’d do.
He left the following Saturday but left his fishing stuff and some clothes here. He kept calling and texting but I started ignoring him. I picked up one call about a week later and he just moaned about how tough things are for him, I said that I’m not one to live with regrets but I’d ask him the question once and asked him if he was sure this was what he wanted and after a pause he said yes. I said ok then and since then have only had contact re the dog, other than 3 weeks ago when he was going to pick up his fishing stuff but his folks don’t have room for it.
On Friday I gave him a list of dates when he was needed to either walk or not walk the dog and he started texting and calling. I picked up and he seemed so angry and said he gave up calling and texting as I didn’t answer him, that he doesn’t have a problem with seeing me etc and I calmly explained that I had explained this all to him before and I wasn’t going to go over it again and that I had to go. He came off fb and then restricted me but today has gone back to me being able to view it all, he hasn’t changed any relationship status etc and I basically stopped posting for the last month.
He’s been doing all the things now when he comes round that I moaned about before eg putting rubbish in the bin etc and when is poke to a mate, I said it was confusing me. She said he’s not sending mixed messages, as he’s said he wants a place of his own etc and has made it clear the relationship’s over. When my marriage broke down, about 9 weeks later he asked to come back and yeah, I guess stupidly I want the same to happen this time. I’m working on myself and am feeling a lot better than I did but am I being plain stupid in hoping he’ll change his mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 6:26 am
Hi Dee
at this moment, I don’t think he will change his mind..if you’re trying to do the no contact rule, it’s ok to talk to him about the dog but make it only about that and if you really want a chance, make it seem like you’re nut going to ask and hope and you’ve accepted and moving on..
Meg
November 20, 2016 at 8:35 pm
My ex and I dated for about a year (rocky relationship we are only 22 lol). We broke up in the summer. He is still in college and I am working.
In September I told him how I still had feelings over a phone call. He listened and I felt he was agreeing he felt the same way. Then, towards the end of the phone call he tells me he has no feelings whatsoever and never did and all that stuff (which is hard for me to believe). Now it is November and I ended up seeing him for like 10 min at his school with a friend. I left and he told me he wished that I had saw him without my friend and he wants to talk. What does this mean?? I am so confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 9:47 pm
Hi Meg,
maybe he doesn’t want you to feel bad because he knows you have feelings for him
Marie
November 18, 2016 at 12:01 am
My ex broke up with me 6 days ago as he feels I deserve more, he is undergoing a divorce at the moment.
He texted me this morning saying “hope you are doing well”.
I was surprised to get his message. I have not replied.
I have purchased the Pro book a few days ago, having a hard time seeing if this will work to be honest.
Do you find it to be positive he is messaging me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2016 at 12:03 pm
Hi Marie,
yeah, it’s a good sign. How long were you together?
Julia
November 15, 2016 at 2:45 am
My ex broke up with me last week. We had been together for a year and he said he’d been feeling for some months that he wasn’t being the man I deserved. He said he wasn’t ready to give me everything he felt I deserved. His father passed away earlier this year and I was there for him through that but after that happened was when I noticed he wasn’t as invested as he once was and I assumed it was because of his grief. He had mines where he would say I deserved better than him but he never took it to the point of a break up until now. When we met up in person to talk about it, we both had a really hard time with it and he seemed unsure about whether or not he really wanted to leave. That night he said we can stay together. The next day he was acting strange and I decided it was best to let him do what he felt was right so we ended things. After that he was upset that I was making changes on my social media and said I was being “too quick”. I deactivated my social media accounts because he was posting childish statuses as if I were the one who wanted to break things off.
One of the things he said made him “no good” for me was that for my birthday he was going to pay for me to get a tattoo I wanted but it was right around when his father passed so it never happened. He would mention it but I stopped expecting it. I started the NC the day after we broke up. We hadn’t spoken in 3 days until he texted me to ask if it was okay for him to still pay for the tattoo I want. I did not respond but I am confused. What is his motive and what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 12:05 pm
Hi Julia,
looks like he’s confused. He needs time to grieve but at the same time he still has feelings for you.
Alice
November 14, 2016 at 11:29 pm
so my ex texted me in a whole new light and was quite positive instead of being so negative for instance he wanted to tell me to his work is hiring very soon and he knows im looking for work he also asked me how things are going and i said things were good then i asked him the same he said things arent to bad was his reply. then he sent another text asking if i had gotten me a man I wasn’t sure how to reply to that do i say yes or ignore him what should i do
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 7:39 pm
Tell, him the truth that you don’t have a boyfriend.
roni
November 14, 2016 at 1:03 am
My ex and I dated for almost 3 years. We’re fairly young, just almost 20, but I’m in my junior year of college and he is in his sophmore year (but older than me). We did semi long distance for a year, then long distance for all of last year and it was great. bumps in the road but we overcame them together. We both shared our faith and were really bonded through that and our shared sense of humor. We knew from the get-go that we were dating to see if we wanted to get married one day, and were both growing confident that we did over time. He would tell me that he couldn’t see himself with anyone else or marrying anyone else the whole time we were together. But the past few months before the breakup he began to get way busy, lots of new friends, acting like an extravert when he’s a huge introvert, changing his priorities…. and I wasn’t really feeling like one of them. We argued a lot, even when we talked each night. I think he felt a lot of pressure and exhaustion from that period of time. I went to visit him to celebrate our 3 yr anniversary and we didnt get to. he ignored me in front of his friends, embarassed me in front of them, was acting totally out of character and like a jerk. I know he was stressed and that may have contributed. Of his own volition he promised me he would come visit me in two weeks, that we would be okay, that he loved me. the next day he put me on the bus saying we would be okay, and the next morning after I got home he called me to break up with me. I did 15 day no contact (“accidentally” contacted him a few times but yeah), then reached out for a converstation bc I didn’t want things to fester. We talked on skype for about 2 hours, it went really well until I voiced my concerns about his friend group… he got really defensive, then after the conversation messaged me calling me condescending, etc. saying he wasnt the bad guy and didn’t want me talking smack to our friends. His family reached out to me and I talked to them but then stopped, and he got mad at me about it (but he doesn’t know they reached out to me). I asked to address one more thing and he has been avoiding it, so I’m leaving him alone and doing nc again. Really concerned bc I havent recognized him these past few months. he said he doesnt think its impossible that he’d want a fresh start with me, but he’s not thinking about that or any relationships right now and needs to learn how to be happy and simple on his own before he goes looking for that with someone else. I made it clear that we’re not “friends.” but we were best friends too this is really hard. I don’t trust him even as a friend right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 6:02 pm
Hi Roni,
So, what’s you’re plan?
Larissa
November 13, 2016 at 10:53 pm
Hi guys,
so I had been dating this guy for 3 years. It was probably the most amazing 3 years of my life, we were best friends, never got tired of being around each other, and he was my main support and I his throughout our whole relationship. About a year and a half ago I started to get very moody, I would get annoyed with him for no reason, pick fights for no reason, cry for no reason and just get in a negative attitude for no reason, he was so good about it always trying to make me happy. We had multiple talks about me having to change my attitude or this relationship wasn’t going to work out, I always said I would try but I never did, because it would only happen once or twice a month and he always supported me through it. This guy loved me to death. We both thought we were going to be together forever. One night, two weeks ago, I was at his place and I completely snapped over there being zero clean dishes after bringing us dinner. I don’t even know why I was so mad but I told him that we were done and left his house. I called and called after leaving his house and I didn’t even know why I had snapped the way I did. We met up to talk 2 days later and he was crying his eyes out, he said he needed some time, and that he just couldn’t do it anymore. It was devastating, I was begging for him back saying I wanted another chance to show him I could change, but with university, and work he said he just couldn’t do it anymore. My heart was in a million pieces, as we both don’t even know what to do without each other. About a week after the breakup I started doing research on girls being irritable and moody, and it turns out the birth control I was on was a cause of a lot of unexplained outbursts, negative attitude, crying for no reason etc. I had never thought what I was experiencing may have been a side effect of me taking such a high dose of hormones (one of the highest on the market). I’m also about to start counselling to determine why exactly I was so unhappy and so irritable with such an amazing guy.. Do you think I have the possibility of another chance ? we have spoken once since the breakup and he said he misses me. Then he told me that he needed some time to reflect on everything but he is so busy right now. I didn’t reply to his message asking for space then later that night he texted me saying “I want you to know I’m thinking of you” we both love each other so much, he’s my best friend and i don’t want to live without him, do you think I could get another chance once I go to counselling and let him know that i want to TRY this time, I don’t want to give up this relationship if our only issue is something I am willing to work on
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 5:35 pm
Hi Larissa,
I think there is a chance but change first. More action less talk. Because trying to convince, just looks and sounds like, you are just trying to convince him. So, change first.
Tiffany
November 9, 2016 at 4:02 pm
Hi, so reading all these different scenarios and being that I’m currently going through my own struggle with my ex I wanted to see what your thoughts are: I dated my ex for a year and we moved pretty quick during the relationship, he wanted me to move in within a month of dating in which I did and it was going really well we both had a lot of love and passion for each other. Now, we both had trust issues from our past coming into the relationship and he would be paranoid all the time and soon after a few months things got rocky and he broke it off…I suffered a lot emotionally from the break up and after two months I started to move with someone new and he out of the blue text me casually and eventually asked if i had moved on with anyone in which i told him i did, that sent him from 0-60 trying to win me back which lasted about 2 months of him chasing me, I at this point still had residual feelings for him yet had new feelings for the new guy… so i was in a place of confusion and torn in two different directions and eventually was giving time to both my ex and the new guy (neither one knew I was doing so). He eventually fought so much for a 2nd chance that i caved and went back to him… shortly after he eventually found out that I had been spending time with the new guy at the same time (although I had yet committed back to him) while he was fighting for me because I do admit I had lied that I had stopped contact with him which was me trying not to hurt him (my mistake for lying, I know…just never found myself so torn between two and i struggled with the hurt he left me the first time he broke up with me and was hoping to figure out what i wanted but dragged the two guys during that time…again i know it was my wrong).. once i finally gave in to getting back with him after he fought so hard, I completely cut off the new guy I had begged for his forgiveness and honestly i do realized i was wrong and had done a big mistake.. I tried to really make him see that i was in love with him and really wanted to be with him and work on our issues but he constantly lashed out about what I did. Now we were struggling a lot with the hurt he felt and he was constantly throwing the situation in my face and i can see how hurt he was and he let me know he felt such betrayal.. we went on for 3 months and he eventually broke up with me due to all the stress it put on the relationship and hurt i casued him, he wasn’t able to move on from it… I now find myself in such a heartbreak again for losing him, we went a couple of times back and forth after and it was usually him initiating contact and would ask to see me and things felt great because of course this is all i wanted (him) he would be the one telling me he loved me and giving me affection but he would also tell me he couldnt get back with me at the moment because he was yet unable to move on from the betrayal he felt from me. I kept expressing to him that I wanted him back and wanted to work things out but he always pushed back… after I got a bit fed up and decided to just not reach out after the last time him and i had a fall out because it was the constant confusion he was causing me with that back and forth. 3 weeks went by of NC and i decided to reach out (2 days ago), he was extremely cold and angry towards me still throwing what I had done to him in my face… I come to find out he has someone else and that he doesnt love me anymore.. now I find myself more devasted and in agony and I’ll I do is wonder if he will want me back, Does he really not love me anymore after it was just 3.5 weeks ago that he was initiating conversations and expressing that he wanted to see me and that he loved me, sending me e-mails saying he misses me? Is he rebounding to just kill the hurt he feels? Is he confused about me and the new girl just helps distract him now? Is he now doing the same thing i did to him? All i can think is how bad I would love to have him back and I’m all too confused as to what he was feeling those few weeks ago he was. Your professional input will be very much appreciated since this situation has left me in such a confusion and heartbreak.
-Tiff
Tiffany
November 14, 2016 at 3:20 pm
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your input and advise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 10:47 pm
You’re welcome!
Tiffany
November 9, 2016 at 4:16 pm
(sorry i missed completing my sentance) **I’m all too confused as to what he was feeling those few weeks ago he was reaching out to me being affectionate towards me, he would express he had a rough day at work and that he would love to see and that it would make him feel better and it went on for a couple of days asking for me to see him after work.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 5:32 pm
Hi Tiffany,
Yes, that might be a revenge or rebound or both. But right now, I don’t think 3 weeks was enough. And during no contact, you have to be actively improving yourself during and after no contact. It looks like you need to do 45 days and you need to check this links:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
Egr914
October 27, 2016 at 4:19 am
Since my fiancé and I were engaged three years ago, we have suffered a whirlwind of disappointments. He lost his job with the military due to his depression, his brother attempted suicide, we had to cancel our planned wedding, we had to change our moving plans and he moved home (what was once an exciting upcoming event in our life) under disappointing circumstances. Since his move home I watched him downward spiral in terms of emotional investment. Not only in our relationship but in every aspect of his life. The outgoing, fun-loving, adventurer I fell in love with was gone. I tried as hard as I could to cheer him up, encourage him, and love him but nothing worked. After being home for only nine months, he told me he was leaving and he just didn’t love me as much as I loved him anymore. He moved all of his things out of our apartment in one night, and completely cut me out of his life.
One week later, he returned and very emotionally said he knew he made a huge mistake and that I didn’t deserve any of this, he knew our relationship needed work but he wanted to come home. I agreed, but told him we needed to start seeing a counselor. He agreed and said he would move home when he felt ready to commit to our relationship again.
Four days later he told me he just didn’t know if our relationship was worth it anymore.
We spent three months in limbo, going to counseling, arguing and trying to work things out but both the counselor and I agreed that he never got engaged in the process. During this time he insisted we were not seeing other people, and we were still technically in a relationship but he wasn’t showing me any signs of being committed to us. He continued to refuse to move home. Some of his actions suggested he wanted to come back and be with me, others suggested he didn’t care about me anymore. He kept saying he didn’t want to come home if he couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t just leave again in 10 years when things got difficult.
I finally made him choose between committing to working on our relationship or splitting everything up and moving on. I truly believed he was going to choose to come home but needed the pressure to make that decision. However, he completely shocked me and said he was not. That he needed time to be alone and work on himself. That he just was not emotionally invested in our relationship anymore.
I am completely lost and broken over all of this. Just three weeks before he left we were talking about having kids in a few years and buying a house. I want to believe this is all due to his depression and lack of trust in himself, I want to be there for him during this struggle but he’s made in obvious he wants to do this alone.
I’m trying to remain hopeful that he will again realize he’d made a mistake but I have no idea how long to wait. I’m trying NC right now, but not sure if it’s too late.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 9:24 pm
Hi Egr914,
Let him work on himself. For me that’s right. How would you be in a relationship, if can’t even live with yourself?
ali
October 26, 2016 at 2:19 am
Hey there. Just seeking advice. I was in a very serious relationship for about a year. We spent tons of time together and talked constantly about the future. Things got very hectic towards the end, we were battling our own personal problems (new jobs, moving, health, family, basically everything). I had my own personal battle with depression and anxiety which was caused by several different things. We had a great relationship but back in February we thought it would be best to spend some time apart. I felt that because of that, I was in a better place (not from being away from him but a lot of self reflection and finding myself). We tried to reconcile but personal issues were too crazy and hectic. By May, we did not speak. I tried reaching out a couple times but decided I crossed my limits sending crazy long messages. That was months ago. Sometimes to help me, I write. And I wrote a letter to him about how I’m doing with no intention to send it. Two days later I heard from him. He told me he was happy I got to go back home to see family. Then had asked me how I was doing a couple times and I responded briefly. And then he told me he met someone from my hometown which I don’t know is true or not, if it was a just a reason to talk to me. I never said anything. But it’s all been on my mind lately. I still care about him a lot and miss him. My friends think I’m an idiot if I reach out. We ended in a mess and he means a ton to me. I don’t want to be that idiot and but my minds everywhere overthinking about why he’s talking to me and why he has been reaching out (even if I ignore him). Thanks.
ali
October 26, 2016 at 2:21 am
And I meant, I never reached out and never sent the letter and coincidentally I heard from him two days later.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 27, 2016 at 7:24 pm
Hi Ali,
if he’s saying the truth, then maybe he was wondering how you were because the girl is in the same town. If he’s not saying the truth, then why not try asking him how he is now.. just be friendly.
Ali
October 21, 2016 at 7:27 am
So I met this guy in at college February and we hit it off immediately. We started a relationship after a month of dating, and then pretty much inseprable. However three weeks in I caught him talking to to other girls behind my back, forgave him and then a week later he dumped me because he just wanted to be single. Pretty much had LC during the first two weeks after and then we started hooking up again. Then when I went home for the summer he wad hot and cold with me. He’d make plans then cancel last minute, say he wanted me then ignored me for a week or so. This was the entire summer.
Somewhere out of the blue he texted me and said he wanted me back. I was a little reluctant and then thought I might miss the opportunity so I took him back. He made all these promises that he wouldn’t do that again, but a month later he pretty much checked out with a text saying how he needed to figure out what he really wants in life. We were cordial and spoke a little in terms of returning my things, and he dragged that on.
But later after I got myself hurt cyber stalkin, I decided to go full no contact. Which included removing him from all social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat). Really to help me heal faster, and bar myself from getting myself hurt further. For a week though he could still see my posts on Instagram because he still followed me before I cut that off too. Yesterday, I knoticed that he had unliked all my pictures that he had before even months before and I just dont understand why. Does he hate me now? I still love him very much, and would love to spend the rest of my life with him it’s just too much being pulled back and forth. I just want to know what it all means.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 7:54 pm
Hi Ali,
he probably just did that to piss you off..He’s used to you being available always for him, so now, maybe he thought that could get a reaction frim and hook you back again
Stephanie
October 20, 2016 at 12:54 am
My boyfriend and I dated for 1 1/2 years and the whole time he was always pointing out things and accusing me of cheating. I am in no way a cheater and love him with all my heart. We have both been cheated on in our prior marriages and it seems that maybe he hasn’t gotten over that issue. He broke up with me again 3 weeks ago because he thought I had cheated, which I hadn’t. I feel like I am loosing hope that we will salvage our relationship. We both have 2 children each from our prior marriages and they have grown to love each other too. I want this to work so badly and I tell him this all the things me. What’s strange is that even though we are broken up, he tells me to call or text him anytime. He always responds when I text and always agrees to get together if I offer. I just so confused because if he wanted us to be done, why is he still agreeing to talk to or see me? I have asked him if he was willing to go to counseling about his trust issue, but he refuses to go. I have been an emotional roller coaster for 3 weeks now. Do you think there is hope for us? Or should I stop trying? Last year he broke up with me for 2 months for another trust issue of his, but we got back together because I initiated contact again. What are your thoughts?
Stephanie
October 21, 2016 at 7:21 pm
I have asked several times for him to go to counseling with me. I want him to know that I will stick by him through the good and bad. That’s why I keep wanting to see and talk to him. He even said that our relationship meant more than his marriage. So, I am having such a tough time with this. How could he just get out cold turkey without any indication that he wants to try?I really think he is scared, but the thought of living without him is horrifying to me. We have invested so much in this relationship. I’m so broken. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 10:54 am
I mean going to counseling by yourself.. you cant control him, so the best you can do is to help heal yourself and improve..so you can be rational too and it can help increase your chances too because you’re giving him time to think
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 21, 2016 at 6:50 pm
Hi Stephanie,
I think you need to go to counseling too to help you heal but for now, it’s not healthy to keep talking to him.. He probably misses you but still, he has to realize that he’s being unfair and keeping in touch right now is like telling him he’s right and you’re making up for your mistakes
Lenna
October 4, 2016 at 12:04 am
I was in a relationship that was kind of unusual. We start talking online and love group. We fell in love with each others personalities and then later our looks. We had been talking for 9 months. Nonstop are families new about each other and how we met and everyone was okay with this. Yesterday I went to send him a text asking what he was doing. & I got a photo of him in his ex girlfriend who apparently is now his girlfriend. She I guess not done is door 3 days ago but also 3 days ago he told me he can’t wait to see me in a few months. I’m not sure what’s going on or what to do. When I asked he told me to f****** leave him alone quit my bitching and live my life. He had never been mean before to me I even asked a family member and everyone thinks that it was someone else who wrote it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand how someone could go from love to hate so fast. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 9:45 am
Hi Lenna,
yeah, maybe it was the girl.
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Sabrina
October 2, 2016 at 8:25 pm
Hi.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. He broke up with me a few days ago and I’m having a rough time. We live 3 hours apart and were long distance. Never an issue for us though as he is busy with his children and work. We saw each other most weekends.
Well, when he broke the news to me I was shocked Bc his behavior leading up to this was not where I expected a breakup. He kept telling me that this just has to be the case right now. I asked why and he kept telling me that he wants me to have the guy I deserve to have. I’m crushed Bc I do want him and know this! I told him this. He kept telling me how he wants to be friends and stay in touch – which I never asked for! And he seemed to get defensive when I told him that I’m not going to send him messages or call Bc I don’t want to push him further from me. He kept pushing the friendship. I don’t understand. I asked him if we could re evaluate in a month and see and he didn’t say no. I’m so confused. Sure, I’m glad he didn’t say no but none of this makes sense to me Bc I’m used to break ups being for sure, done, that’s it! Not someone who wants to keep in touch with me. Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 5:54 pm
Hi Sabrina,
What do you think is the real reason?
Sara
October 2, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Hello. My boyfriend of one year just broke up with me a couple of days ago. We met when we moved into the same house for uni last year, and we’re now in our second house together… I thought we were doing fine, sure there were ups and downs, but I figured most couples have that. Then he told me he wanted to take a break and silly me was in denial so I kept contacting him (keep in mind we’re in the same house). After a break that lasted for about four days he told me he’s not interested in a relationship right now, and that he’d just like some time. I asked why now, considering we had just been on a holiday together and moved in with each other (again), and he responded with saying he needs some space. I would guess that’s natural, but I don’t know how to do the No Contact thing when we live together… I don’t want the situation to become too awkward for our other two roommates so I try to be friendly and not care about these other people he keeps meeting now that he’s “free”. I’m just worried I’ll end up friend zoning myself because I really want him back…
Do you have any advise?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Sara,
check this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
riley
October 2, 2016 at 11:29 am
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, after telling me about wanting to do it (back and forth) for a week prior. The day he made his final decision, I went NC right away. I did not want to make all the wrong mistakes. Unfortunately, he actually kept writing me, but I did not reply. Now he wrote me an email, tried to call me, tried to re-friend me on Facebook, etc, and said he wanted me back. He wrote, he realized that there is no one better than me and that he feels terrible about everything, that he realizes that I probably won’t take him back now and probably hate him now. What should I do? Should I keep NC or give him a reply? I am not ready to be with him, as I am afraid he will continue being hot and cold. Should I tell him I need time? Or ignore him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 9:17 am
Hi Riley,
since he asked for you back,.talk to him.. tell him why you’re having second thoughts on taking him back
Maria
October 1, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Hello,
I’m hoping to get some clearity.
I met a guy at work, who came from a very catholic home in Poland. I noticef he could get very irritated when talking about religion and politics and had s certain view about women and feelings. We started dating and saw each other almost every day. He told everybody at work that we were dating and seemed very happy. He introduced me to his whole polish family and used to say he had almost never had girlfriend and I know he is serious because of his religion. But he couldnt talk about emotions and sometimes just got very rude or angry when things didnt go his way. If I told him to not talk to me like that he never appologized. I still loved him though. Maybe 6 months went and be broke up all of the sudden oven some small disagreement. After he was sometimes happy and kind at work and sometimes totally arrogant. Once he just yelled at me that he has absolutely no feelings for me and it hadn’t been love. I tried to not get upset. Sometimes I’d text him something, just friendly, but he’d totally ignore me, but still say Hello at work. Now almost one year later at a work party, I hear him say to his friends that he doesn’t know why I’m not his girlfriend anymore. I try not to look at him and just have a great time. But I can tell he’s looking. And after, he follows me and kisses me as if he’s been waiting for it for a long time. He ends up sleeping at my place and we laugh and have a nice night. He puts his head on my knees and there’s this great feeling of longing. Next day he is totally arrogant again. Annoyed almost. At work he looks all nervous, smiles awkwardly and says hello shyly but that’s all. A week after I call him to hear if he wants to come with me to this funny music-event. He doesn’t answer and never calls back. What is it that he wants..? It’s like he’s descided he doesn’t want to love me.
Maria
October 8, 2016 at 5:51 pm
Hm but what about all the other stuff..? Is he just an asshole or maybe just scared..?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 5:54 pm
it’s not really being an asshole right away.. yes, it might be that he’s scared but what’s sure is that he doesn’t want you to think that you’re getting back together.
Maria
October 5, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Slept with him. But very much his initiative..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 4:15 pm
oh no.. that means, it was just a booty call..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 3:38 pm
Hi Maria,
did you mean you slept with him? Or he just slept at your place?