7 Definitive Steps On How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You

5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

Calli

September 8, 2016 at 4:58 am

I appreciate this site! Here is the gist of my situation: I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship that left me very damaged. I finally decided I needed to try to date to get over that situation. The first date I went on, it turns out, was fantastic (this is the ex I am wanting back, not the horrible one)! We immediately clicked and I was very excited. We went on several dates over a few weeks and finally decided we were an item. Unfortunately, I kept finding myself having triggers of the damage done to me by the other guy, so I felt that it was unfair to the new relationship and broke it off. A few weeks later, I realized my mistake and contacted him – we got back together essentially immediately, and we were happy for several months. At this time, he had no qualms about giving me another chance. After a few months, my “horrible” ex popped back into my life unexpectedly and managed to confuse me again. I ended up breaking off my good relationship once again out of fairness to him. At this point, I figured he was tired of my hot and cold, so I assumed I had ruined my chances with him. I spent several months working on myself…I am finally confident in saying that the horrible ex is finally in my past. It was a long road, and I am happy with the progress I made in seeing my own self-worth. That said, I now realize how foolish I was to let a good guy go because of my own issues. The timing was unfortunate to say the least.

Eventually, the good guy contacted me again and I was shocked it seemed he may give me another chance. We started texting often, and he would call me from time to time. Everything seemed to be going great until he vanished – ghosted me. I took the hint nearly immediately, only sending two, innocent, texts that were ignored by him before giving up (I am confident in saying I was never a GNAT towards him whatsoever). I decided this may just never work and started dating other people. It turns out, I was kind of doing the No Contact Rule without realizing that is what I was doing because almost exactly 30 days later, he pops back in, apologizing for ghosting me. We started talking again, hanging out a bit, calling, etc. for a few weeks. Eventually, we did hook up. I can tell he is very guarded towards me, and the opportunity never arose for me to tell him about the progress I’ve made in myself, and apologize to him for being so hot and cold during our relationship. The last time I heard from him was about a week ago. He texted me asking what I was doing, saying he wanted me to join in a fun activity he was doing. I was busy at the time, but texted him later seeing what he was doing…no response. The next day, I sent another innocent text about how his fun activity went…no response. I assume he is ghosting me again after being pretty consistent for nearly a month. Not wanting to be a GNAT, I haven’t reached out since.

Should I do the NCR again? Or should I now act as if I’m in post-NC time? I’d really like to tell him that I’ve realized the error of my ways, but also don’t want to come on too strong when he is being so guarded towards me.

Thanks!

Calli

September 18, 2016 at 7:44 pm

I know I’ve spent way too much of my energy discovering this, but I have found that my ex is somewhat selective about what he “likes” on social media. He has a couple of exes that he is still Facebook friends with, but never likes a single thing they post – ever. For me, he typically likes every single thing I post. However, I can tell when he is ghosting me because he stops liking whatever I post online, but he usually ends up popping back into liking everything. Your advice above was to wait a week and text him. I tested the waters a bit that week, posting a picture of my dog (who he loves) – he did not like it, so I assumed I wasn’t in his good graces enough to initiate contact. I did not text him, and have still not initiated contact (which I guess puts me at about day 15 or so of NC).

A couple days ago, he started liking things again. I posted two pictures: one of me, one of my dog – he liked them both. This is a frustrating cycle, but I still haven’t gotten the chance to tell him and/or show him that I have improved myself since we broke up since he is so guarded towards me! I’m scared of texting him and scaring him off into ghost-ville again, but also can’t keep counting Facebook likes to determine if he’s still in the picture or not.

I do believe he was interested in one specific girl at some point (I don’t think that ended up working out), and I have seen him on dating sites, so I’m not sure where his head is at. Honestly, I would be okay with it if he went on a few dates because my experience with online dating is that most dates make you realize how good you used to have it! Once I saw him on the dating site, I deleted my own dating account: 1. because I didn’t want to end up stalking him on there; and 2. I didn’t want him to see me on there.

I feel like a crazy person basing my sense of whether I have a chance getting him back based on whether or not he likes my Facebook posts! Either way, it appears I’m back in his good graces, at least for now…

Advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 5:27 pm

I think using posts is still a better option to show your improvement, because it’s an action.. When you’re saying it, it’s like you’re just trying to impress or make him believe you improved.. At least when it’s a post, it would look more casual..
Calli

September 9, 2016 at 8:49 pm

Thanks, Amor! Would your advice be different if he may be interested in another girl? I have a suspicion that may be the reason he has ghosted me both times. I think he is back and forth between us both…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 4:12 pm

Ohhhh… hmm.. dont mention anything or ask him yet.. try to find out in other way and if confirmed.. dont confront him.. I know it’s hard but those things are better asked personally and in a calm way so that he wont get defensive..

like when you’re already in a good talk, ask, “Hey, what about you.. are you seeing anyone right now?”
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 11:01 am

Hi Calli,

dont sleep with hin again.. Give him time.. if he doesnt text in a week, you can initiate

firegirl

September 8, 2016 at 3:26 am

hi amor,
ya im continueing my nc rule…its been 8 dys..i didnot contact him in all ways…..im healing slowely…wt should i do to be more happy and confident again like before….any positive suggestions on positive things should i do as student….im going to clg regular n preparing for my studies as well bt when im alone…some memories makes me weak n cry ….bt im becoming strong…!
so how can i avoid this situation…?

firegirl

September 26, 2016 at 3:20 am

hi there,

you r right , healing process is slow…bt it works great!…my neediness and insecurity is going away..i started meditation n trying to bring new things in my life…i hope this NC rule gives me good result..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 12:02 pm

We hope too! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 10:38 am

dont..acknowledge it, feel it just dont get stuck on that feeling.. it will be a slow process but what matters more is that you’re active.. Do new things. Joine new clubs or workshops or volunteer, have a makeover,.get in touch more with your friends and make new ones

Rachel

September 7, 2016 at 11:54 pm

So here’s the crazy part: My on and off again boyfriend broke up. TRUST I have used this website before to get him back. Works like a CHARM (this site works ladies). Weeellll he cheated again. Yeh. No. I’m done. So we broke up 2 months ago. He is stalking me on facebook, calling my phone like crazy. I just told him I need time to process everything. I am pretty sure I am not taking him back this time. It eats him up that he cheated down. Anyway.

Fast forward. Here is why I am here. I went out on a date with this guy. Like 1 of 50 different guys I went on dates on. We went on like 8-9 dates (we are both busy). Course of 2 months have passed. So it’s new but it’s PERFECT. ABSOLUTELY. Everything I did not get in my old relationship. My ex and I didn’t even start out this good. I don’t think ANY relationship has ever started out this good. So, some drama happened. completely out of my control. He literally thinks I did it. He thinks I am crazy.

In my willingness to explain and apologize, I turned into a texting GNAT. HE BLOCKED me on facebook. He stopped returning all communication. So I sent him one long text message explaining the ins and out of EVERYTHING all at once so it made sense (which I should have done to start with) and I was like I understand why you don’t want to talk to me (though it was NOT my fault at all). Then I initiated NC. Welllllllll another issue happened and I HAD to contact him only 5 days in (think bed bugs – from my job). He replied to that text and I apologized once again and I offered to pay for an exterminator. He didn’t even reply to that. Like, I don’t know if that made it WORSE… Hey… I’m the crazy chick that gave you bed bugs too :(.

Omg. Is this over? I know it was so new. Everyone is like just count it as a loss and keep dating 🙁 but all of the guys I dated he was perfect. Should I start over NC? I mean we only had just like 2 months in. I feel stupid going a whole month. Then being like hey! My ex… sure.. that was YEARS. a month was nothing.

Help. HAHA. Like I effed up and I was SURE I was playing by all the rules. I am trying to act like I don’t care, trying to date other dudes, trying to be the gettable girl, but I am STUCK on this guy. He even wrote me a song. I mean… can’t pass that up!

Rachel

September 15, 2016 at 8:30 pm

So I am pregnant and I confirmed it’s not the ex-ex’s (gestation and size), it’s this ex. I am not going to contact him until the 45 days…. however, what do I SAY? You got an article on this?

P.S. you knocked me up? LOL. (I can laugh, because having a kid doesn’t scare me). Hey… want to hold my hair back? What are you dueing in 9 months? Did you put the buns in the oven? 15 dollar bet it’s a girl? I wanna grow fat with you? I saw this awesome trick, it looked like I swallowed a basketball…. wait for it.

No for real… what do I say? LMBO.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 2:38 pm

🙂 Well, I think you have to break nc.. Inform in a formal way and in a non-pressuring way if you can. Tell him that you would understand whatever his reaction would be, you would really be glad if he would be involved with your pregnancy but if he’s not ready now, you’re not rushing him. And if he has questions, he can talk to you anytime.
Rachel

September 9, 2016 at 5:50 pm

Welll maybe not. So the bed bug thing pissed him off either further. Understandably. Not really.. no actually… not really. So at first he said he thinks, I was lying just to contact him. Then i said I wasn’t. So I sent him the 7 different emails from the CEO/ head HR and I said, I came straight from my internship to your place. I HAD no choice but to notify you. So basically he told me that if I contact him again, he’s placing a restraining order. Which, he never actually said, don’t contact me again. After the drama happened, he just took me off of facebook and I stopped talking to him. So then bed bugs…

And when I asked like WTH: his reply was: You sent me: 10 text messages (7 were emails from chain of command) over the course of 1 day “Which is harassment” and due to the drama that initially happened… which basically I really had this thought… you’re right. I should have let your whole apartment get flooded from bed bugs. I shouldn’t have told your ***. Mind you, I told everyone else I came in contact with.

So I get being mad. I get I was annoying with the drama. Isn’t that excessive since I didn’t talk to him for days, didn’t threaten him, or anything? Is it just me? LOL.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 1:06 pm

oh wait.. that changes your course.. Even if he over reacted, that still means 21 days won’t be enough for him.. You should do 45 days..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 9:49 am

Hi Rachel,

Try just 21 days.. I’m pretty sure you already know what to do during and after no contact. Just avoid breaking it and make the most out of it.

Angela

September 7, 2016 at 6:12 pm

How can I get my ex back if he’s changed his number?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 10:14 am

Hi Angela,

how long was your relationship? And basing on his last text, it looks like you’re either clingy or you fought too much with him. You have to do at least 45 days and just really focus in changing yourself. Heal and improve. If he changed numbers that means you have to message him after nc through social media. But he has to think that you have moved on and stopped chasing him for him to take a chance on starting as friends again with you.

Oh and I answered your very first comment too. I’ll copy paste my answer there here:
Hi Angela,

I think you need to listen to this. Click it:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

LostinPA

September 6, 2016 at 6:18 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend and I had been going out for 2 1/2 years. We have had the almost perfect relationship – our first year was truly amazing and life changing. Our second year and a half have been more challenging, but we moved in together and have faced the “real world” together that isn’t always fun and roses. Throughout, though, we have constantly loved each other, have the same goals, we do things with each other’s families, and are each other’s main supports. I thought this guy was the one.

Any big issues really started last December, after attending a friend’s engagement party (which we essentially planned and he made a 3 tier cake for) and feeling a little anxious about whether we could get to that stage, we had a major discussion about our future. He basically said he couldn’t be sure about being with me forever, but wanted to keep being together and couldn’t imagine a life without me. Since then, I had been waiting patiently for him to come to the right decision by himself. This was really hard for me – I am a naturally confident and vibrant person who was not really crazy about feeling powerless in a relationship. Every few months, he sort of entered a low period, usually related to work, and I could tell this caused him to have some doubts about our relationship. Occasionally I would try and broach the subject, but felt it would be better to just push through, knowing everything returned to normal.

For about two and a half weeks this month, he was seeming to be in a low period. This was nothing new to me necessarily, except that he was acting different. He was constantly nitpicking what I did and we had a bit of a fight about that. But he apologized and let me know the reason – that sometimes I can complain too much – a totally true fact about me that I do need to work on. I accepted the apology. We also weren’t being very sexual, which was also not extremely surprising with a few health issues I had. But last week, health issues resolved, I tried to engage in physical intimacy and was rebuffed. This obviously upset me very much and I asked what was wrong. He didn’t really have a good answer for me. He said he wasn’t feeling particularly physical lately and I answered that it seems like something is wrong. With some pushing, we essentially began having the same conversation we did last December. He is still somewhat unsure about children/the choice to get married. Knowing how much his indecision was hurting me, he thought it would be better if we ended it because he didn’t want to keep hurting me. I had a panic attack and he was equally upset, but I spent the day getting a lot of my stuff out of his house. This all happened in less than 2 hours.

I went back later that night to have a better discussion. He said then that he wasn’t really sure that he didn’t want kids, he probably did, that he had been questioning himself all day and may wake up in 5 days to realize he’s made a big mistake, and that maybe he just needs time. He also said maybe I’ll find my prince charming in the city I live in. He also helped me get my stuff into the car and took furniture downstairs for my dad and I to pick up over the weekend.

We haven’t talked since the breakup except to arrange me picking up some additional things this weekend. I said it was really hard and he agreed and said the house felt empty. I guess I’m wondering if there’s any hope left for me. I really can’t imagine a life without him and feel he’s making a huge mistake.

LostinPA

September 7, 2016 at 12:39 pm

I have to pick up more of my stuff this weekend, I figured we’d sort of have one last conversation for now and then not talk for a while. He is going on a 3 week hiking vacation end of the month, so I figured that would be a good way to contact him for the first time after NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:12 am

Hi lost in PA,

yeah I think you do have a chance..are you going to do the no contact rule/

Sarah

September 6, 2016 at 4:44 pm

Hi, so I dated this guy for almost 2 years before we broke up. It was a mutual split. The main reason behind it was that he was moving to a different country for higher studies and it lead to a lot of complications before it left.
Like we stopped spending time together, as he became busy with other things and his behaviour changed a lot as he wasn’t ready for a long distance relationship. So we started arguing a lot and finally decided to call it off. However, we decided to remain in touch. We spoke for 2 months after the spilt and he’s been gone for a month now. I’m 6 days in the no contact rule and he hasn’t texted me once in these 6 days. Do you thing the nc rule will work in my case. I’m not sure whether I want to get back with him because of his changed behaviour. But I still do miss him a lot.

Sarah

September 7, 2016 at 1:11 pm

When we were in touch for those 2 months we did not argue, we were just talking fine. And everything was nice and happy between us.
Only thing is that we weren’t talking about our past relationship and if we were gonna get back anytime soon. And being in touch with him wasn’t helping me move on and get over him. That’s why I thought of trying the nc rule. Should I continue with the nc rule or just start talking to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 11:11 am

Continue nc and be productive. Heal, improve yourself and be active in social media.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 9:40 am

Hi Sarah,

we cant guarantee that it will work but if what you did, keeping in touch didnt work then it’a time to try a different approach

Federica

September 6, 2016 at 10:31 am

My boyfriend and I were together almost for a year, we had our downs most because I was going through a change in my life and it was difficult to be positive. However he always told me that he would be there for me and supported me, in all our relationship time I felt he was more in love that I was, he always says I was the “one” for him. Then it came 3 weeks that I had to travel away, but we were talking everyday and it was feeling like our relationship was getting stronger. One weekend he went to a festival, just for two days, and when he came back he called me and told me that he has met the woman of his life, the love of his life, that he hasn’t done more than kissing the girl which he considered as not cheating, but in conclusion that he needed it to finish our relationship because he wants to be with the other girl.
I was caught completely unexpecting this, 2 days ago I was the one for him and now what have happened. I was in shock and I was so angry. I felt so betrayed. Specially because he is not a teeneger, he is a mature man who I thought when he said “I love you” was real.
Even I didn’t want to break up with him, there was not so much I could do. So I took the NC period for more than a month, I did improve myself, and then I sent him a text tellin him that even I didn’t agree with all he has done, I appreciated him and I hoped we can be friends. He replied me almost immediately telling me he hoped the same. And few days later he texted me he saw something and he remember me and he had to contact me to tell me. So we started chatting and then maybe after 6 weeks of our breakup we met for a coffee. I followed your advised and I just said I was super great, never speaking about our relationship or anything and being as friendly as I could. I told him just one thing regarding our breakup, that I felt like I didn’t just lose my boyfriend but as well my best friend and that it was hurtful to feel that he put me away from his life so easy in the sense that we were best friends during our relationship. In that moment he told me that his feelings for me were still there but then he talked about the woman he left me for and he said things were great. At the end of the meeting, I received a called from a friend, and he start suggesting if it was my new boyfriend and so on, I didn’t made any comment but it was like if he was jealous. Then he went away and text me few minutes later telling me that he hoped I arrived safe home and then in the night again to say good night.
To be honest I don’t know what to make of it, do I have chances to come back with him? What should I do next?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 7:33 am

Hi Federica,

continue building more rapport and maintaining yourself. I think they’re still in the honey moon period and then best you can do is plant good memories and good impressions until they get to a point that he sees you better than her. I think you need to watch this too: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

FIREGIRL

September 6, 2016 at 3:19 am

hi there,

no he does not know about the nc rule…he jst made a joke at tht day…..jst said tht he wanted to see my reaction on the new gf topic…bt he jst said tht he was making joke only…bt anything like tht happen then i should not hv any problem abt tht..:(

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 5:34 am

ah ok.. stick to nc rule.. don’t be swayed by what he says.

Vivi

September 6, 2016 at 12:19 am

Hey, Chris/Amor. Can your advice help me if my Ex-boyfriend left me for one of his online friends? He and I were together for about 5 years. It was a long distance relationship. We’ve never met each other in person, but I hoped one day we could. We’ve had our share of stupid and childish fights. I thought with everything we pulled through together, we would be stronger as a couple. Over the months, he had openly stated he felt unsure about me. He asked for a break that I wasn’t able to give because I started to overthink and overreact. I didn’t know how to go along with the “no contact” rule. Because I couldn’t give him space like he wanted, he became upset with me and ended what we had.

His friend saw what was going on between us. She encouraged him to break up with me. She convinced him that I wasn’t a healthy person to be involved with. I know she’s not a rebound because he developed a close friendship with her while he had been with me. He started a relationship with her shortly after the breakup. I should mention that he went on a full block-out. He told me he didn’t want me in his life. I don’t post often on social media sites. He knows where to find me, but even then, he doesn’t bother to look.

I’ve done what I could to better myself as a person in our time apart. I want to show him that I’m different, but it feels too soon. He’s focused on his new girlfriend and if I attempt to talk to him, he’ll see me as an obsessed Ex trying to get back with him again. It’s been a couple of months since the break up. In the years I’ve known him, he’s never been the type to chase after anyone that has left him. It isn’t an over-exaggeration, either. He’s always been able to disconnect himself from people. He moves on to others without a second thought. It’s a part of his personality. It doesn’t seem possible, but is there any chance I could be the first person he tries to come back to?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 8:09 pm

Hi Vivi,

she’s a grass is greener case. You said you’ve never met in 5 years? Why?

If she lives near him and they’re able to meet, that means they can have a stronger relationship even if it’s shorter. To be honest, no matter how long the relationship is, if you dont meet personally, it’s not that strong. We’re not even sure if you’re the only he’s dating at that time.

For me it’s better if you move on and go out..Meet people who has the same interest for you, so you can have a chance of a relationship where you can make actual memories together.

Hunter

September 5, 2016 at 11:37 pm

I am in desperate need of advice!! My ex and I were together for 8 months, the first day we met weve spent everyday since then together, minus a few weeks here and there when he went to N Carolina to see his kids, at the beginning he took all his angry out for his ex on me and I cheated on him, we both knew we did wrong and stuck together, we were so happy and lived together since day 1, but three days ago we got in an argument and I lost it and started hitting him and screaming, then next day we woke up and I asked for his forgiveness and that I’ll never lay hands on him again and he said OK and that he loved me, I come home from work that night and everything is gone from the house except my things, and I’ve been texting him the past three days, and even went to his dads house and he wanted no part in him, and now he’s gone to n Carolina and said I’ll never have him back, but during the whole relationship I worked and paid for everything he never worked, but I’m in love with him and I know he loves me to I just need him back! Help pleaseeeee

Hunter

September 6, 2016 at 2:28 am

I meant no part in me* not him
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 7:35 pm

Hi Hunter,

I think the relationship got toxic.. Maybe everything piled up and he’s had enough..first the cheating, the fights, and then hitting him.. He has to see the change first. 45 days is not enough for him to think that you’ve really changed. You cant rush things. You cant ask for him back right after nc..dont beg.

You have to accept that he is starting to move on. So, when you start talking again, dont expect him to be wanting to get back with you. He might even be cautious and observant on why you’re texting him. Cant be angry too because it will remind him of the reasons why he left you..

Do 45 days..Learn to be emotionally independent. Take therapy and then keep healing and improving even after nc while you’re rebuilding rapport with him…

Cho

September 5, 2016 at 5:01 pm

Hello,
I am looking for help, any suggestions, any advice or kinda things because I am lost on what to do now and next. My story will be a bit funny or ridiculous or like a joke to you but please. May be it’s more like a teen drama shyte or that sort of funniest story ever but please. ( I know it’s stupid online thingy ) I just need help..

Sorry for my English, too. I’m not native speaker.

Urm..
I and he are both teens. And we kind of meet in an online game. Then we used to chat in a messaging app. Mostly casual talks. We just got closer and kind of bonded. Been friends for like 6 months. I cannot tell it as a LD relationship tho. It’s stupid I know.

Later, he admitted that he has feeling for me but at that time I was like mixed up. Can’t decide if it’s just friendship or stupid crush. So, I just dont return him with certainty (that he may disappointed cux he took so much effort to admit me )

And later on, we got arguments. Different opinions. Things getting serious. He is a jealous type. And prone to anger. He blocked me several times. But he checked on me often. That’s why I know he’s into me. And we broke up. It’s like a bitter end. Worst thing ever to me. I even surprised that I’m hurt, too. Like I lost something.

I continued the game for a month but I cant cope with that shyte pain anymore, so I quit. Because I know it’s impossible to be with him anymore and I don’t wanna feel the pain anymore. But I’m hurt, too. ( I dunno why )

Last I know, he was with another girl player ( who had been my friend, too. ) As I lost contact with him, I gave him regards via that friend ( the one he dating now , rebound or serious idk ) that I am leaving and wish both of them well etc etc..

And just today, he directly sent me international sms. The content mostly contains that he doesn’t know why I left the game but wish me well and to forgive him what he had done etc.

We both are impulsive. Sensitive to some words. I sometimes regret using some harsh words to him. ( He used on me that too ! ) But it’s all because we are impulsive type. And when I listen to those kind of songs that fit well to our situation, I cant help but miss him a lot. Even I cry sometimes. I urm.. cant taste, cant feel, cant see like before.. you know that.

So, since he sms me, I’m itching to reply. But now I have to think what to do clearly and still I cannot find the answer.

I hope some words or advice or suggestions from here. Thank you in advance.

I am lost.

Cho

September 7, 2016 at 11:16 am

Okay. It will be better in that way…
I won’t reply him anymore.
I need to be rational, more practical.

Thanks a bunch, Amor.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 10:16 am

You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Hi Cho,

Your feelings are normal. Nothing to be ashamed of.

To be honest, there’s little chance that your relationship will work out even if you get him back because you haven’t met in person and I’m assuming that both of you are not financially capable yet of meeting each other. It’s very important to meet each other personally for a long distance relationship to work. If ever you get back together, is there a way for that to happen? Because if not, I suggest that you move on?

Nels

September 2, 2016 at 6:55 am

Hi there,

Urgently need help. Been with my bf or well ex I guess for just over 14 months. We live on opposite sides of the world. I was in his home country for most of it. I came home just under 5 months ago. He followed bot long after. We had an amazing time for the most part but had a few big rows over some inappropriate messaging and things said about being with other girls when we first got together.

He went home 8 weeks ago and we were fine when he left. This stuff then bubbled to the surface. I end up talking to his ex which made things so much worse. Long complicated story.

We argued for 6 weeks non stop pretty much and now he’s pulled the plug. I never thought it would come to this. Im devastated and confused. He’s told me he doesn’t feel the same way about me. We applied for a partnership visa, which cost thousands (I really don’t care about that too much though) his home country for me to go back and the documents are due in 10 days for our application. He broke up a week ago and I last spoke to him 3 days ago. He wants no further contact and is adamant we shouldn’t be together. He couldn’t tell me he didn’t love me over the phone.

I really don’t know what to do I’m cracking up. We may never see each other again. I miss him and want him back so much

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 5:34 pm

HI Nels,

he got tired of all the fighting.. I think you should do 30 days of no contact period and then be active in improving yourself while in it.

Iliana

September 2, 2016 at 4:33 am

Your blog is amazing! My friend recommended I read your site btw! Perhaps my case is something that peaks your interest. With that said, here goes:

I met him last year and we became good friends. I developed feelings for him and I vocalized them even though I was worried it would ruin our friendship. He had gotten out of a 5-year relationship, and that’s how we got close by confiding in each other. That’s also how I started falling for him.

I unfortunately couldn’t shake how I felt. You know how they say it takes a kiss for a woman to know they’re “the one?” Well quite frankly I’ve always thought that was stupid, lol. I’ve never been a romantic type of girl mainly because I feel like Hollywood paints this idea of romance in women and then hopes and standards are high and they hardly ever get met.

Anyhow, we never kissed, but when I hugged him goodbye (he lives a state over) I felt an all-over sensation (kill me). Because of this I sold myself on the idea to be persistent, but not pushy of course.

One of the times we brought this up he said he’d “thought,” about us dating, but said he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Every time he mentioned going on a date with a girl I would cringe and he could tell.

Eventually, I got tired and told him that he needed to figure out his feelings. The only reason I said that was because it was obvious he liked me too via the sexual flirting through text, the having me talk to his mom on the phone, the calling me at the middle of the night as he made his way home, the texting me when I wouldn’t text him in a day, etc. Needless to say, we texted every single day (not exaggerating) for 8-9 months. We went almost a month without talking and then I texted him (I know). He said we’d talk to air out what happened, but never did. I eventually text him long text (again, I know), but all positive accepting where I was wrong and apologizing telling him how I felt about him. No reply.

After not hearing from him after two months, he tells a friend of ours (who doesn’t know the depths of our friendship and bond) about two weeks ago that he got tired of telling me he only saw me as a friend and that I was too dramatic and high maintenance , but that I was a really sweet girl. He added that he felt kinda bad for not replying but “oh well lol.” I mean, dramatic and high maintenance out of all the things I was to him he chose those words? Super hurtful. Considering how close we were (practically best friends), I somehow find those comments kind off and of course one-sided. I was there for everything. I heard him out, I would motivate him to finish his degree, told him he could do so much in this world, and that he was smart all that I believed.

Based on his action of not replying to my heartfelt text I unfollowed him from all social media except Snapchat until recent and after those comments he made. Funny thing? He was going through my Snapchat Story–every single one even the one I posted of me out with a guy. If he doesn’t care about me or decided to stop talking to me, why go through every one of my snaps? Why not just unfriend me since he felt so strongly by not replying to? Why continue to want an update about my life? At this point I guess I’ve accepted he might not ever talk to me again, but I guess I would just like professional insight to give me peace of mind. I’m way too young to carry something like this, which I did not ask for. He was my best friend and he basically abandoned and betrayed me.

I know you probably think I’m stupid for wanting him “back,” but it’s really only because I’ve always valued his presence in my life. I guess, I may even want just an interpretation of what happened. I honestly just hope he one day does the right thing and allows the opportunity to clear the air. Lesson learned ya know? Definitely grew. By dramatic of course he means by the way I would rather not argue over things that bothered me and just not talked to him for a little bit until I cooled down because I just didn’t want to argue. I’m very positive, lol, so I try to stray away from negative energy. High maintenance? Not sure where he got that from? Maybe I was showing off a little too much on social media and my confidence came off as high maintenance.

Thanks in advance you rock!

Iliana

September 3, 2016 at 7:05 am

Hey Amor,

That sounds about right, lol. I do believe you’re 100% right. I guess the way I think about things is you do everything with honesty and love and hope for the best. Maybe not in the matters of love. Quite frankly, I’ve never been a dater, so I’m pretty new to this. I haven’t really found guys that peaked my interest to want to get in some type of relationship with them.

I for sure friend zoned myself lol, but learning experience. I find it difficult being nice with being nice, but dateable if that makes sense. I also want to establish friendship, because it’s easier to trust that way, and then move forward with an relationship.

I guess I just want an interpretation only because I did everything and he still hasn’t reached out and I guess at this point I don’t think he will unless you think otherwise please let me know. Him going through my story and screenshotting one of my snaps makes me think he still cares, but that doesn’t do me any good because actions speak louder than words. In either case, I’ve said my peace in that last text I sent him and I did it for me first and foremost, so that I wouldn’t have to carry a heavy heart. Whether it was too dramatic for him or not I’m happy I did it. I’m just sad to find out I didn’t mean enough to him for him reply. It’s like where did it all go? But that’s life I guess and I’m stronger and better for it. I wish him well.

Thank you for replying!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 10:16 am

I agree with starting as friends..just dont be too available so that you’re not friendzoned
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Hi Iliana,

Thank you for the compliments!

Ok, getting real here. He friendzoned you and you took his friendship differently. Yes, he talks to you everyday, but guys are actually more straightforward compared to girls. If he liked you, he would have said it. I think what he pertains dramatic was your confessions, maybe he took that as dramatic..

Are you looking for chance to try again or just wanting a different perspective on what happened?

Sarah

September 2, 2016 at 12:11 am

Hi Chris, My boyfriend just recently broke up with me, and even after I took his things to his house and agreed that it was over, he continues to call me and text me and look at my snapchat stories. I didn’t want things to end and I want to know what the chance is of us getting back together. He has told me in the past that he doesn’t stay friends with exes, and that he deletes them from social media. Last I could tell, we were still friends on all social media. Does this mean he really doesn’t want it to be over? I just need to know if I should start to actually get over him or hold out. I really thought he could have been the one.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 2:53 pm

Hi Sarah,

why did you break up?

Christianne Aguilar

September 1, 2016 at 6:23 pm

my ex whom i dated for 4 months broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for a too serious relatyionship. I felt he was there for me and he tried. By his actions i felt he had genuine feelings for me.

He is too busy with his music career and arts. I know he is and i have seen how busy he gets. He said he wants to concentrate and focus on his career first and didn’t want to be unfair by not showing me the same efforts.

I seriously think that it was too soon for us to part ways and closed all doors. I tried to convince him the day after and he was firm about his decision, and said sorry. I sort of ended our convo with an open-ended convo.

He hasn’t contacted me at all, it has been 8 days and i am applying the NC rule. I am concern he is doing the NC rule as well. I go on about my life and i have no problem doing things that are making me happy, but of course he is constantly on my mind and heart and still hoping one day we can start fresh.

Help please

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 12:57 pm

HI Christianne,

it’s less likely that he’s doing the nc rule because he’s the one that broke up with you.. If he’s doing it that means he wants you back.. anyways, start improving yourself. Don’t social media stalk him but be active in social media, be active in posting.

Bose

September 1, 2016 at 3:37 pm

I have been with my boyfriend 10 months, he is my first boyfriend. I’m his third girlfriend, but he considered me his first serious and most long-term girlfriend.

**The Break**
I broke up with my boyfriend last week. The last time I saw him was 5 days ago. Two days after I broke up I gave him a chance to speak to me in person to let him speak and ensure him in no certain terms this was a serious decision. He refused to leave and took it hard, he accused me of abandoning him and getting his hopes up ,(see reasons for the break below) although he understood we were broken up.

That day after some discussion and we cooled down 😉 I decided to change it to a break to analyze my feelings as well and make sure I was 100% certain. The terms were as follows: 1) we meet up on our anniversary in October, which is two months away and we agreed it was a fair and reasonable time period to give us space , time to think and set date to make a decision.2) we don’t sleep with other people during this time. 3) limited to no contact. This was the hardest for him accept but it was something I need and think is necessary. I should mention I did WhatsApp message himbonvage on an upcoming flight to a trip he was taking yesterday. He said thanks that he loves me and wishes me the best with school. After that I didn’t respond even though I knw he was prompting me for small talk , at 3am this morning he text me ” I miss you”. He saw that I read it but I didn’t respond despite my urge to tell him I miss him too.

The reason why we broke up was due to him not knowing what he wants from life all of a sudden. He is 27 years old and going through a quasi identity life crisis because “he is basically 30” and he is not where he envisioned himself to be at this age. He has become depressed and confused as a result. Certain life events may have triggered his crisis:

1. Four months ago he quit his full time Starbucks job he had for a few years and decided to go to a 8 week coder school that suggested and paid for by his friend. It was very difficult for him but he graduated. Could not find a job for two months and he ran outof money. He realized he hated coding. Now he now working back a Starbucks. This left him discouraged, depressed, and demoralized. Now he feels as if I “deserve better” and that he is ” waste”.

2. One month ago, he told his mother that wants/ has intentions to move in with me in my new condo I will be getting in 3 months. His mom told him in no uncertain terms that he would not support him getting married to me or living with me because of her racial biases. This was a shock to him up that his mom held such beliefs before. I am the first girl he ever brought home to his mother . I think this is a relevant event because since then he had staring having doubts leading to the events below ,whether it was directly or in directly I’m not sure.

3. He is emotionally dependent on me, I don’t mind and fact believe we are compatible this way because I find this dynamic attractive and set early on. I am more emotionally independent and had much more of emotionally healthy development than him. From a very young age till now he was taught to not share his emotions and fears with his family. He is only emotionally vulnerable to me and only has me a emotional support system. He doesn’t tell anyone else of his plans, fears, intentions, set backs, success es or events his life. It does not help that his family members are not receptive to his feelings and do not support him. They have a very closed and cold family dynamic, while they have alot if expectations of him. Everything he good at, he never feels it good enough. He feels since his depressed, recent crisis, he has been too dependant on me for support.

4. He is insecure of my families wealth and success. There have been a few comments about knowing how I “will and have succeeded” in anything and not being able to relate to my struggles. I also have suspecion that is one of the reasons he believes he doesn’t ‘ “deserve” me and he feels even more pressured to live up to an ideal in his head.

5. His quasi midlife crisis : He no longer knows what he wants in life and confident in who he is. He is confused. He no longer wants to try anything wholeheartedly in case he gets his hopes up. Yet he is still as responsible and hard working as he can be.

**Why I Broke up with Him or Decided to Take a Break:**
I was willing to support him through this temporary rough patch until he tells me that he wants to continue to be my boyfriend in every capacity and technicality if the word [I]without[/I] the label. He is also unsure of our shared long term future until he figure himself out and his life. I understood. Then he goes further to say he doesn’t want a relationship but he wants one with me. I sincerely believe he is confused. However, what I don’t understand is how a single person going through a hard time or crisis, changes the status of your long-term relationship. This didn’t bode well me for the future because if I was married to him he might lose his job, and then what? He’ll separate from me? People go through rough times , if you are a team you’ll get through it and it has nothing to do with the relationship but your personal journey. Secondly he expects me still to do everything a girlfriend would do, especially for his emotional validation and monogamy but he does want the title.

**Why I Struggle:**I don’t hate him. I 100% trust and know he loves me . He would never cheat on me or think of someone else the way he does me. He has never hurt me and we never had a disagreement we couldn’t communicate and resolve but this time it is much different. He is a very good boyfriend. He is lovable and likable. He is cute and handsome. He is respectful and cares about others. He is a talented professional artist and renown powerlifter. In fact during this time, he has entered both art contest and competitions and literally won first place with ease. During the time I have dated him, I have seen he has made many unprompted changes in himself to improve himself in a short period of time( I accept him for who he is). I have also seen that he could do anything beset his mind to, despite him believing is was due to my support. I can’t see why he can’t see all this qualities himself, and while he had low to regular self-esteem before compared to myself, I now know know I cannot validate him, it had to come from himself.

I have been as empathetic as I can be. I have tried telling him my daily stresses and he rallies to support me and continues to offer his help in anyway he can. This in attempt in making him feel useful and that he has something to offer me which I know he does but it just happens to not always emotional support. He’s been receptive give and excited but it’s not. Thought to change his he currently feels. He’s dependable.

And was motivated until the last month it happened so fast I can’t help but suspect it was really connected to the first two events I hightlighted: his struggle to find a job and his moms disapproval. I can’t help but feel hopeful
__ __
I apologize for typos before hand as I am mobile. I have tried my best to shorten and my thoughts as much as possible. Any questions about certain details feel free to ask me in the comment section.

—
**tl;dr**: My boyfriend is suddenly going through a midlife crisis sparked by his moms racist disapproval and his inability to find a job after school. Did I make the right choice to take a break? Or did I leave /” abandon him in his worse time of need” ?

Bose

September 9, 2016 at 3:23 am

Hi Amor,
No contact has already worked and achieved the desired result!
It turns out by the first day of his vacation he had a near death experience that changed his perspective on life and especially us. He asked me if I could talk to me this Saturday, a day after he arrives back home. He begged saying it would really mean the world to him.

Yet I continued to ignore his messages as days passed to see if he was serious and Incase initial text request to see me was just trying to bait me. Over a series of days he sent me several texts and made even long distance phone calls that:
* he uncontrollably misses me much. And he loves me
* He is Suffering from me ignoring him. It’s torture.
* Saying he has changed and knows he made past mistakes and I should give him chance to talk with me in person.
* He know what he wants now: a commited long-term relationship with me . He wants to be girlfriend- boyfriend
*His vacation no longer feels like one anymore, and now he desperately get back home ASAP to see me in person and talk and be with me
* He explained in a huge on text what the life or death situation was and briefly described what I was like and hat he realized
* That he sorry ,pleading and begging me to say something. He hopes that hasn’t lot his chance or the I hate or resent him. He gets for forgiveness
* It took a near death experience to bring him to rock bottom and what truly matters in life and what he wants
*He wants to work things out. He knows it require alot of work to regain my trust but he is willing to work on it, if I will have him
*That it’s urgent and he literally cannot wait till October, because he is suffering and it so certain. After if I still feel the same he is willing to leave my life forever, if that what I want still or do whatever it takes. He just wants a chance to see me in person.
* During his near death situation, while panicking all he could think about to cam him down was me.all he wanted to do/ kept picturing was lying in bed and cuddling with me ( our favorite pastime lol). And that was the only thing that got him through it. He realized he had a unecessary mindset and cared too much what other people thought and the stresses in life. That none of that matters, and I’m the only thing thing that matters in his life. He is really sorry it took a near death experience for him to see things so clearly
*he repeats he is willing to work things out between us and he knows he messed up alot and needs to work on thattoo, he will do whatever it takes to make it work, he is 100% committed to being with me,etc

After a few days, I concluded that he seems genuine overall if not persistent. I agreed to talk to him Saturday. He was so grateful. He understood that I would have a hard time trusting him again.

My questions are as follows:
Do I accept him back into a relationship? Sure I’ll make conditions that it his last chance at a permanent commited relationship and if he is confused again I will leave his life forever. Is this too soon?
My entire goal was to get him backand during this renewed relationship I want him to be patient but at the same time I don’t think I should punish him unnecessarily or seem unforgiving or distrust him too much. He might definitely regret his decision if I did and that could the kiss of death in any good relationship. So my question is how do I talk to him and proceed without seeming resentful or spiteful?
I am meeting him in person. What should I say and his should I behave?What the best course of action do you recommend?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 9:45 am

Give him a chance. Just let him make the effort. Don’t jump right in and be sweet like nothing happened. It’s ok to be nice… Just be too lovey dovey.. Tell him calmly that you’re giving him a chance.. That’s it..
Bose

September 2, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Hi Amor,
Please tell me how I am using No Contact incorrectly and how I improve , what I do , what my mistakes were, etc.

I apologize for the length of my responses and the inconvenience. I hate repeating my relationship story for the very reason that his confusion makes it seem convoluted and confusing. The complication with him was too much >.< That's why I broke up with him lol

Thank you for your helpful responses and patience.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2016 at 8:53 am

sorry I didn’t elaborate! The only mistake for me, was the scheduled meet at October.. but dont take it back..

Instead of taking it back, just be focused in improving yourself during this no contact.. dont respond to his messages..unless he really says he’s changing his decision and he’s committing now..

if he doesnt say that during no contact, just continue improving yourself and do new things to meet new people,go out with old and bew friend, start a new routine that you will continue after nc.. after 45 days you can initiate contact. Rebuild rapport slowly through text and then calls and then meet ups.. when you reach the romantic meet ups, talk about the relationship status again
Bose

September 2, 2016 at 6:21 pm

Hi Amor,
We were both serious and long-term. Until the tenth month, he basically didn’t want to label our relationship anymore. Essentially what he meant he didn’t want the label of Boyfriend and didn’t want to label me Girlfriend, yet he wanted us to have to same relationship. Which includes everything like monogamy to one another, support, etc. Essentially our roles are the same without the label. He still had expectations , he would have for girlfriend. He wants to be my boyfriend with everything that entails without the label. If it is confusing, well he did say he was confused.

When I broke up I did say it was because he wanted the relationship relabeled without the results of consequences of that.I told him that label was important to me, and it wasn’t like I was going to marry him right now. It should be noted we did have plans for the future including kids and to get married previously before he wanted to change our titles. He said he was confused and uncertain whether or not we would be long-term. At first I accepted it and treated him like a short term partner, then he threw a tantrum and wanted to have a serious talk, that where he explained to me he wants all the benefits of a girlfriend without label. He said I could continue toll him my boyfriend in public and he would continue call me his girlfriend. But the label was important enough to him to say he didn’t want one. He even as went as far to say He doesn’t want a relationship or a title if a relationship right now but he wants a relationship with me. That I should wait till he decides he wants in life ….all while technically in relationship with me.

That was my deal breaker, especially since I tried to appease him to demote the level of relationship to casual and he wasn’t satisfied with what the reality entails or meant. I wasn’t allowed to date or sleep with the people. He wanted monogamy .So I broke up with him and he knows that the reason, I was very clear.

I hope I am explaining it clearly lol

Essentially the no label relationship was making the relationship complicated, no mater how I defined the new boundaries. We both knew it wasn’t fair for me to wait. I thought the label is important. He suddenly didn’t because he feared the future implications and he “wasn’t ready for a relationship”. So I broke up with our “non relationship” relationship.I was surprised at his reaction, I found it ironic he was mourning and crying over the end of relationship

Be begged me to stay in his life. He admits he’s selfish. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He didn’t want to be friends nor did he want to be friends with benefits. So to take my power back, I said we take a break with said conditions ofcourse. By setting a end date October 30 with no guarantee I would get back together with him, I felt satisfied.

In two months if he didn’t figure out what he wants and prove to me his certainty,I would move on. Although I’m sure he knows this because it wasn’t explicitly said. I didnt want it seem like an ultimatum or want to give away all my cards based on his pass wishy washy behavior. I also wanted to give us much needed space, so I could make myself more awesome and he could know what it is like without me or our routine in his life. Let him be careful what he wishes for. If he “didn’t want a relationship” he doesn’t get one with me.

HIS PAST WISHY WASHY BEHAVIOR
I broke up with him a month before for a similar reason, he no longer saw us long-term. I accepted it gracefully. Then he begged me to believe him that he was committed that he misspoke and was certain now. I found it difficult to trust him. So I broke up with him. Although he may not know it was the formal reason that time. I told him it was because dependency ,sudden inability to decide and take action, and that he should take time from himself. He took it hard.

A few days later, He comes around, we fall into a relationship again because we would go on dates. I decide we go casual. being casual was difficult for him. Soon I realized this was same serious relationship as before, technially with out the label. Soon HE asked for the title of Boyfriend indirectly, I ignored it. He confronted me and demanded an answer. I said I would hear him out and it turned it around as if I was pressuring him. Then the next week he tells me he doesn’t want a relationship ( all that relationship while being in a relationship technicality nonsense) I appeared calmly and accepted, this surprised him.

THIS CURRENT AND RECENT BREAK UP
The next day I broke up with him. Then he says it’s ironic I broke up with him when he was going negotiate to have relationship with a label again minutes before I broke up. At the time, who knows if he was serious, certain, confused or straight up lying? So I left him. I didn’t care. It was little too late,I made up my mind since he couldn’t define the relationship.

So of course I love him, you can see he is confused. Due to this I’m wary to trust and take him back quickly even if he claims that he undoubtedly wants a long-term relationship with the label.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 6:48 pm

It’s super clear now.. I think he just said that to make you take back what you said .. the only thing that’s off with what happened is the deadline.. Because of that deadline, you gave him hope and he might procrastinate giving you his decision. It’s less likely that he will tell you that he would commit before October 30 because the deadline may make him think that you’re still waiting, you’re just tired of all this back and forth.

Don’t take it back though.. Talk is cheap. Show it through your actions.

Since he is back and forth with you, you have to be firm on no contact rule this time. You have to do 45 days, and don’t give in, unless he says he’s ready to be in a committed relationship with you..
I like that you have standards. That’s good. Keep it. He’s being clever on wanting the benefits without the label. Some girls would actually agree to that, hoping the guy would change his mind later but almost 100% of the time they don’t, because they already got the benefits without committing.
Bose

September 2, 2016 at 9:29 am

New update from yesterday. I continue to hold firm with NC or response to his texts. We use WhatsApp so he can see I read his messages.
He texts me that he misses me.
Then he texts me bon voyage with a kiss emoji several hours later( I assume it was to tell me his plane was departing).
A few hours later, he texts he texts me, “Sorry I didn’t let u know I’m safe sooner ( he means that his plane arrived safe) some things occurred, good and bad”.
Next text says,”If I can get the car for next Saturday ( his car he shares with his sister), will you please let me see you and talk to you in person?! It would mean the world to me, [ insert my name]”.
A few minutes later he texts “???”
And hour later texts ” Sorry realized 3 hour difference,lemme know boo boo”.

Should I break no contact and message him? I read here after 7 positive messages you can break NC especially if asks to talk. Are these considered positive messages? But it’s been just a few days NC, so a short period of time. He is asking to talk to me in person when he arrives back home. If I respond, what should I say? Should I say I’m busy? Or Should suggest he just text me on what tape, by saying let’s talk here, what happened? Should I just say yes and continue limited NC in person by just being pleasant and short?

I know by saying some bad things happened he’s trying to prob me to to respond. We kind of agree there would be exceptions with emergencies but clearly it’s not that bad because he wants to wait to talk to me when he gets back and he’s being vague.

I’m not responding till you tell me the best course of action! However I can’t but feel curious if he changed his mind already or no contact works that fast. I have a feeling the more I ignore him the more it will get him angry, since he is being so polite.

Looking foward to hearing a response to this update the most!
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 10:24 am

Hi Bose,

I think you’re using the nc rule improperly.. How or what exactly did he say when he was relabeling your relationship? And when you broke up with him, did you tell that it’s because you don’t want the relationship to be relabeled?
Bose

September 1, 2016 at 8:29 pm

Hi let me hilightbhe most eventful important part: He texted me he missed me today. Do I break NC today?

My NC is 60 days with a set deadline October 30 2016. Is this too long?

What can I expect after a break, instead of a break up? Do break up work better than taking a break initated by me? Do we immediately by back together after coming back to the table October 30 2016? Or shoukd I suggest friendship ?

My entre goal was for him to commit to relabeling our relationship again. If he doesn’t, I know I’ll be done for good .
I know he didn’t want to break up or this break. I know he loves and misses me .

I don’t want to go through all this effort to act prematurely.

Ellie

August 30, 2016 at 11:52 am

Hello,

I need your help! I broke up with my boyfriend 6 weeks ago and I’m worried I’ve messed things up and won’t be able to get him back.

We had been together just over seven months and got on really well, id known him for four years already. We have the same aspirations in life and didn’t really argue because we was both quite chilled and went with the flow. We went Lisbon (he works abroad so I tag along) for three days and he seemed a bit moody. I put it down to work. because the second day when he wasnt working we had a lovely time. I had got the contraceptive implant a few weeks before which was making me really moody/sensitive and pick up on things that I wouldn’t normally pick up on, so I noticed a change in myself but only in hindsight.

Once we got back from Lisbon I stayed at his Monday and Friday. I was tired due to the flight and he was angry England were out of the euros. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday I know I seemed moody and disinterested (due to the implant I was over sensitive) and so did he. We were both snappy on Sunday and over text I said no more moodiness from either of us on the Monday. I saw him the following Tuesday briefly and then we both went on holidays (separate) on the Wednesday. I came back and he ended it saying we hadn’t got along lately and he didn’t feel the same anymore and he felt this was since Lisbon, so only a week and a bit before we went on holiday really. I was shocked I didn’t see it coming I thought we just needed a chat to clear the air.

We broke up and he seemed like a different person to the one id known for seven months, very cold and like he almost hated me and was trying to start an argumment (to make it easier?), I think this was because he had lost a holiday we had booked as well. After all this had happened I contacted him about a month later to explain I got the implant out and I was going back to my normal self. We didn’t discuss this as a point when we broke up and he replied with ‘Ellie, we’ve already talked about this and gone over it. I don’t know what else you want me to say? x’ I then went back and said I just felt like you deserved to know as it couldve effected us and i miss ourr elationship and heard nothing since then. This was a week and a half ago.

We were so happy together, honestly, and I’m wondering if you think I can Savidge this at all? I miss speaking to him so much and just want to share everything with him. We have the same aspirations in life and got on so well so I’m still so confused and want help! i was thinking about contacting him again just to tell him i want to speak to his generallyt and im frustrated by the whole situation

Thank you,

Ellie

Ellie

August 31, 2016 at 1:48 pm

For another 30 days?! i feel like it would be too late by then! do you know of anyone else who has waiting 60+ days and it worked out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Oh, wait I reread your comment.. I thought you kept talking after the break up and just mentioned you got the implant out after a month of the break up.. but actually with his reply, it looks like he still thinks you want him back, and he doesn’t like it.. How much have you improved since the break up? He has to think that you’re not chasing him for him to be comfortable to start out as friends again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 1:16 pm

Hi Ellie

that’s chasing.. it’s obvious than he doesnt want to talk now.. do you want to try no contact rule?

Jess

August 30, 2016 at 4:47 am

Hello,
So I moved to Europe and after being in a long distance relationship for a month I asked him if it was ok to be on a break, since we were having problems to find a time we both could talk. He agreed and after 2 weeks I asked if the break was over but he said no. I was there for six more months where we continue texting and ocasionally talking on the phone. When I came back he immediately contacted me and showed up at my house. For the next month we continued to see each other, everything was great we talked and laughed just like the old times. When we talked about us he said he still didn’t want to be in a relationship and that there were some things about me that he didn’t like and didn’t know if he wanted that for his future. I told him it’s best to stop talking since I’m still in love with him. We have been in no contact for a week. I’ve been uploading in social media photos where he can see that I’m not devastated (he even gave me a like?) i’m so confuse why did he ask me out if he just wanted to be my friend? was it for his ego? is there any hope?

Jess

September 1, 2016 at 6:40 am

Hi thanks for replying. He said he didn’t like that when I got really drunk I would be mean to him. I told him that I don’t drink like that anymore and I thought he would give me a chance to prove it. He also said that I’m sometimes cold like when his mother got sick he said that I wasn’t worried enough but I was, maybe I just didn’t show it.
All I want is a chance to start fresh, do you think it’s possible if I do no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 2:24 pm

yeah, that’s one of it’s purposes..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 12:31 pm

Hi Jess,

what were the things that he didn’t like?

FIREGIRL

August 30, 2016 at 3:10 am

hey , ihv read all ur articals n i think i can implement it…bt there are some query related the NC RULE…..

firegirl

September 1, 2016 at 4:13 am

hi there,
actually there was a festival so we talked…he was curious abt where im n why im not msging him…bt then 2-3 dys we talked in social media…bt then he became rude to me…said tht its imp to talk everyday? we r jst frds now..n if i make new gf then u should not hv any pro.. then i said all ur behaviour hurts me then he said then its ok dont talk to me ..my all things hurt u in everyway…bt after 2 hours of this rediculs talk he again msged me n was behaving like he is guilty abt our fight…n wants to be like gud friend…..bt next day…i stared my Nc rule…im not talking to him nowdys…completly..(bcz im feeling insulted..n i dont trust tht he will not again insult me huh..shoked..tht he jst behaved like this to me i mentioned above) he didnt said before tht maybe he will find new gf…(bt he said he was joking after tht fight..he said he jst wanted to see my reaction) bt also he said tht if situations r like tht i should not hv problem if he makes new gf n all….now im applying NC RULE JST TO AVOID THIS FIGHTS n HEAL myself..

IM DOING R8 NA? little worried about our relation…jst GUIDE ME IF SOMETHIG IS WRONG IM DOING OR ELSE ?

WAITING FOR UR QUICK RESPONSE..!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 1:55 pm

he knows about the nc rule?or you just told him that you’re not going to talk to him anymore?

and he said he can have a gf but you still have to talk to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 7:59 am

Hi Firegirl,

why did you break it in the 9th day?

Perla

August 29, 2016 at 6:59 pm

Hi there,
My boyfriend just broke up with me because during a short break in our relationship I slept with someone else. When he was at my house trying to patch things up, THE other man I slept with called me, at midnight! I confessed to what happened and That was THE end of iT. Now I just send HIM a lovecard with a picture of us and a poem. After Reading THE non- contact rule I tried to cancel the sending of this card. But its to late, he Will receive the card. Should or could I do any damage- control?

Perla

September 12, 2016 at 12:51 pm

Hi there, remember my story? Well my ex boyfriend contacted me today by phonecall. He said nothing About THE card I send. He just keeps asking me why I slept with someone else. Because I was in a public place I couldnt answer his questions. He said he would call me back later and added: You better have a good answer ready! ITS been almost 3 weeks since we had contact. Should I not answer the phone when he calls back? Or should I talk to him? And if so what should I say and how should I talk? Please help me, kind regards,
Perla
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 8:43 pm

Text it. That way, he would have to read everything before answering you and in that way, you can edit out what you would say to him. Tell him why you did it and admit to your mistake.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 10:15 am

Hi Perla,

let’s wait first what his reaction would be.. let’s see if that card will make him forgive you

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