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Charlene
June 24, 2016 at 11:21 am
Hi,
I need some serious advice! I was with my ex for almost 3 years. It was very serious. We lived together and were making future plans. In march he told me that he was not in love with me anymore. He wanted a break and figure stuff out. He also wanted me to move out. In may I did move out but still had most of my things there. I guess after I moved out, he started to hang out with this girl from work at his/our old place that I never knew about and he said they were just friends. One night I called because we were working on getting back together. He was acting weird but told me he was alone and wanted to sleep. The next morning I went over there, because my stuff was till there and he told me per text that it would not be a good idea. I insisted to get some of my things. He said okay. I went up and the bedroom door was closed and I had a feeling. Well this girl was in there and he slept with her. I blew up because he lied. At first I was done and after everything cooled down, I talked to him. He still wanted me in his life and we said that we would be friends. He still told me that he does not know what he wants. He just wants to be alone and do his thing but swears to me that he does not want a relationship with this girl. But he still hangs out with her. When I asked him if we would ever get back together, he said that right now he does not think about that but said who knows what the future holds. I did ask him today if he had interest in that girl and he said to me that he might. But swore to me that he does not want a realtionship with her and that it will also never happen. He said to me that he already told her that. I am just so confused. I want him back and I just don’t know what to do? I do have to say that lately we have been hanging out more, which has not happened since march. It’s like he is going through some kind of midlife crisis or something. He is unsure about so many things in life. I mean, I am 30, he is 29 and this girl is barely 21. Is she a threat? Do have to worry? I don’t know what to do? Please help
Charlene
June 29, 2016 at 8:22 am
I have tried but he does still contact me and he does stuff for me. Since I am sick now he asks me if he can get me some things and asks me how I am doing. It is so confusing because I tell him that I want him back and he says he does not want a relationship, but yet takes care of me without me asking him. On monday he came by because he brought me some things and asked me to have lunch together the next day. So yesterday he came by with lunch and when he left he hugged me and gave me a kiss on my forehead and cheek. He looked at me again and gave me another kiss on the cheek but closer to my lips and stayed there for a few seconds. Like, so confusing. I don’t know what to make of it. If I don’t conact him he does contact me because he gets worried. He even said that because I am sick he will take some papers to my work for me so I don’t have to go. I did not ask him for it. Maybe he is just feeling guilty about something… I am lost
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 4:37 pm
you have to tell him being friends is not working right now for you and then restart count of nv
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 7:36 am
Hi Charlene,
are you in active no contact now?
Jordan
June 23, 2016 at 7:55 am
Me and my ex broke up 4 years, after being in a on off relationship for 6 years, I broke up with him after he became distant. 3 month ago he messaged me on Facebook, just havin normal conversation, he has moved on and also has a child, I have been in my current relationship for 3 years. My ex currently tells me he misses me and he knows he messed up being with me, he tells me he wants to be with me.
What do I do now? I’m really confused as I still love my ex and don’t wanna lose him again
Beth
June 29, 2016 at 2:06 am
Don’t Fall for it. If he is currently in a relationship, and has a child. He is willing to abandoned his current partner as well as his child. What a douche bag
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 27, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Hi Jordan,
don’t rush.. your feelings might cloud your judgment. Are you sure you still love him or it’s just the feeling of something new coming back? Are you sure you want to leave your current relationship? Is it to the point that even if it doesn’t work out with your ex you still won’t go back to your current?
Khush
June 20, 2016 at 7:37 pm
So he doesn’t miss me since he texted me? and we were in a relationship for about 8 months before he broke up with me which was a day before our 8 months.. If I start the NC rule won’t he move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 5:50 am
that’s one of the purpose of nc.. to make him miss you because when he broke up, he already has moving on in his mind
Khush
June 17, 2016 at 9:07 pm
I’m confused on what to do now, my ex and me broke up about a month ago but for the past two weeks hes been talking to me more but just normally not saying he misses me or anything and then last night for the first time in two months we talked about sex which I essentially brought up and at first he didn’t show to much input in the conversation and then opened up more and was being more playful.. I don’t know if this is a good sign or what I should do because he did say he missed our sex but me being a girl wants and I miss you. what should i do? or what are your thoughts on this? Our relationship ended because he needed to work on himself.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 10:43 pm
Hi Khush,
if he still talks to you, then he really wouldn’t miss you.. don’t have sex.. you should start nc too.. how long were your relationship?
Alli
June 15, 2016 at 11:42 pm
My ex and I broke up about a week ago. At first I broke up with him to see if he would fight for me but he didn’t. I immediately wanted him back but when I saw him an hour later with his friends he was smiling and laughing. We had been together for eight months and he said he loved me. He spent time with me and my family. He and I talked all the time. He put me before most of his friends. I brought up to him that I might have to move before we broke up. He said he didn’t want me to. A few days later he said he didn’t want a long distance relationship. But he said he still wanted to be with me. When I broke up with him he said there was too much drama. But lately he has been hanging out with people that hate me and think that. I talked to him last night in person and he said he still wanted to be friends and he actually was willing to talk. When he was talking with me he looked up and gave me the same look as he did in the past that showed he loved me. Later on I went home and messaged him to finish talking. He then said he was tired and wanted to go to bed. I asked him what happened and his answers were that he’s sorry and he is super tired. He wasn’t online for another 30 minutes then he was. But during the time he wasn’t I messaged him saying I care about him and I just didn’t know what happened. He later read it but didn’t respond. This morning I messaged him saying I might move and he said he was sorry. He was kinda short but he encouraged me to not focus on it. I also later messaged him about us and he didn’t respond. I messaged him 2 hours ago and he said he couldn’t talk and he was with the guys. My best friend who has been his best friend for two years messaged him and told him he lost a wonderful girl and that I really cared. He said I know. She kept talking to him and he said he couldn’t deal with the drama and just stopped talking too her too. I have looked up so many things about the chances of us getting back together but I don’t know. I love him but I don’t know if he still cares and still loves me. It just hurts because it feels like he just forgot about us. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 10:47 am
Hi Alli,
start nc now coz the more you chase him, the more he will avoid you coz he will find it annoying
Gene
June 14, 2016 at 5:13 am
Im doing NC for almost 3 weeks now since our breakup on the first week of May. He said he needs to find himself and he needs time and space, he needs to focus for his licensure exam and at the same time he wants to enjoy. That “focus” he’s been asking me became my motivation to finally let him go after a month of pursuing him. However just last week he started posting status about a song lyrics “i was made for loving you even we’re just hopeless hearts passing through” i assumed that he was referring to me but the next day he posted a collage snapchat picture of him and a girl. So i guess it wasnt really for me and he seemed to be “inlove” now. But during my NC period he has been texting me but just a Hey type. He always like my posts, tweets, IG pics and views my snapchat stories. Yesterday he called but i did not answer. I felt being insulted and being degraded after all we’ve been through he could easily “fall in love” like nothing happened to us. And whats worse is that it seems like i had no impact to him. People look at us as the best couple bc we’re like bestfriends, husband and wife at the same time and they envy us. We were really a “relationship goals” couple, we were so happy. Just this March we graduate together and we considered it as a highlight of our relationship. We even have a lot of plans after college and prepared ourselves for the upcoming LDR since he will be at a new city. I could say it was only during April we had a rough time but he gave up too easy. He said he loves me and he misses me but we cant be together for now. He told my friends that if we were really meant for each other then our paths will cross once again. He didnt even bother to fight for us. During our talk he said that he loves me so i told him if you really love me you’ll give us a chance but he said he wants to but he’s afraid that we might have a fight and he cant focus in his review, he might lie and he might get tempted there. I believe these are shallow reasons. Why does it seem so easy for him to forget me and fell in love to a new girl? Do you think he is still into me? What should i do now? It really hurts me seeing those posts and status.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 2:58 pm
Hi Gene,
don’t reply.. the girl might be a rebound but rught now, he might be wondering why you’re not replyig..that’s good.. that lets him miss you
DD
June 11, 2016 at 8:20 pm
I am really confused my ex boyfriend have been dating since February and he broke up with me about a month ago. This was both our first relationships we were set up at work. What I am confused about is that everything seemed fine this was our first fight on Mother’s Day. What happened is that I was supposed to go to his family’s dinner but he refused to give me a time. His mother was down for the weekend and he wanted to spend time with her. Which I understand as it was Mother’s Day and they don’t have the best relationship but he wants to work on it and I have been supportive. So he never gave me a time so after church I was invited to go on a ride with the couple that drives me and since I didn’t know when he was getting me I thought it be okay. Well church ended at 11:30 and he ends up calling me at 1:40 telling me he will come get me at 4:30 just in time for the diner. I was upset and told him that didn’t like that he waited this long to tell me and that I made plans and I should be back in time. ( we also had dinner on Saturday night and I asked him then for a time and he refused to give me on)
So he broke up with me because I was jealous of his mother and because of the letter I wrote him after explaining to him that I want him to start keeping his promises and that I am not jealous and I respect his mother. We talked a few times since the break up. And he finally told me another excuse that he doesn’t love me anymore. He told me he loved me about three weeks before Mother’s Day. And a week before. Mother’s Day was his birthday and everything was fine. So I don’t understand that.
His behivour did a complete 180. He was so caring and sweet. Lots of people told me that they can see the love in his eyes for me. The girl from work that set us up every time I was with him and we ran into here would thank her profusely For setting up and making him so happy. This happened on several occasions. Also between March and Febuary he started talking about moving in together in about 6 months. He mentioned this about 10 times finally we agreed on compromise separate bedrooms ( I am waiting until marriage but I could see the importance of seeing if we can live in the same house) then by the end of March he brought up the possibility of marriage in about 3-4 years. He also told me he loved me in April and I told him about a week later.
He also isn’t a church goer but he took me and my grandmother to church. Family is important to him. And he wanted to get to know mine. Most of my family don’t speak to each other. My. Other and I don’t get along so I can see why he’d think I’d be jealous if his mother but I was having a bad day on Mother’s Day my mom disowned me because her boyfriend didn’t like me. My ex knew this and he was understanding and comforting to me when I told him earlier on in our relationship. Just as I was understanding when he told me about the horrible things his mother did to him in the past.
I am really unsure what todo since our last discussion he refuse to talk to me at work ( like a hello) and his moody when I say hi to him. I really love him. He wasn’t perfect he couldn’t keep promises but I loved him dispite his faults. I. Feel once I showed him mine he bailed. I believe he truly loves me and might be influenced by a family member as what my friend says. But before the Mother’s Day Incident i felt I had a good relationship with his family. In fact I miss them. We weren’t close close but they were very nice people. I still have his family in Facebook. But he un friended me when we broke up which I think is werid.
I am not sure what to do any advice?
DD
June 11, 2016 at 8:46 pm
Forgot to mention incase it’s important that we are both 25 year olds. As I mentioned that this was our first realtionship ever. We never dated anyone else perviously.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 12:02 am
Hi Dd,
I think he might be acting emotionally.. let him cool off for now and be distant in the mean time..if he’s still angry then start active nc
nancy
June 6, 2016 at 10:26 am
hi,
me and my boyfriend, just broke up 2 weeks ago. we have been on and off for a year. I am usually the one who breaks up with him and then comes back. but this time he broke up with me, and told me that my life will be better without me in his life. i know the last 2 months have been horrible for us. we have been fighting, and it was such an effort all the time to try and make things work, even texting each other was such a huge power struggle, to see who will initiate all the time.(this was our main problem all the time)
but now i miss him and finding it hard to let it go, but when i don’t miss him i feel grateful it ended, am confused with my emotions. but i fear if he comes back i will let him. should i just move on, and never look back.
And i love him but he says he was very close to loving me, but felt it was hard for him to trust his heart to me because i walked away so many times.
was i in a toxic relationship, and maybe thats why a part of me still wants it even though i know he is not the guy for me but i cant help who i love.
am conflicted.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 6:25 am
Hi Nancy,
did you proceed to nc now?
Al
May 25, 2016 at 3:47 am
I was with my boyfriend for 2 years with a couple of month break in between. I broke it off again last summer saying i did not have the same feelings for him but really it was to work out my own issues. It was more of a break than a break up. We went to different schools so we didn’t see each other but we kept in contact, talking every week. Recently I realized I wanted him back after a lot of searching for myself but he said he has no more feelings for me and is interested in someone else. I did the typical no no and began telling him how I still loved him and wanted another chance. I was in another country so had no way of meeting with him and he ignored me (about 1 week) until I got back. We met in person to talk and he was very firm that he does not believe we are right for each other, reiterating that he has no romantic feelings for me anymore; however, he considers me a very good friend and wants to stay friends. I know this other girl (from what a mutual friend has told me) has no time for him (due to school) but has expressed interest in him. Since we had the talk we have been texting and the mood has been good. I want to try and win his affection back but at the same time not seeming too pushy or invasive. Is the fact he is still communicating with me while he says he likes another girl a good sign?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 10:10 am
Hi Al,
that’s good that he’s friendly with you but you have to create attraction.. try not to be available always and start to do new things and be active in posting ut
Confused
May 24, 2016 at 7:20 am
Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me about 5months ago, during the university December holidays. It came out of the blue and he say he just wanted to be single and he doesn’t think we would work out in the long run as we both have different religions. I deleted him of social networks straight after and did the no contact for over a month. Came back in Feb and due to us being in the same friendship group we decided to be friends for our friends sake but we hardly spoke to each other or looked at each other at first. Now however we have become so close as we spend all day with each other and we started texting each other again. I don’t remember who initiated it as this convo has been going on for a while and hasn’t stopped. Also when we are with each other and friends he’s always left standing or walking next to me and eventually we end up play fighting like whilst walking he’d push me randomly not hard but play fully. My friends say that they can see a spark but im not sure. So I don’t know what to think or what to do. We havent spoken about it and I don’t want to bring up our past relationship or ask him if we have a chance coz he broke up with me I don’t want to seem needy. I’m still not over him completely and I’m not sure of his feelings. Should I just continue to be this “friend” and see where it goes? Or should I not read too much into it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 5:51 am
Hi Confused,
why not try to change up your look first, have a make over and then try to be a little mysterious. When you meet up again, look your best and then next meet don’t go. Let him miss you.. and check out this post: Twice as Attractive in Two Weeks
B
May 24, 2016 at 6:01 am
I was in a relationship with my ex for near on 5 years; we had some amazing times, but also some dreadful fights. Unfortunately, it was a case of right person, wrong time. It was an intense relationship, I was probably underdeveloped and not ready for that level of commitment and as a result would lash out. We split twice, once for a few months and then the last time we were ‘together’ was in 2014.
We have never quite let each other go, in late 2014 my ex and I were effectively ‘seeing each other’ again unofficially, but I was leaving the country for 6 months so thought nothing of spending time with him in such a capacity. Then, when I came home I managed to avoid him – I thought it was the best way to get through the whole no contact thing; by the time I saw him again I was dating someone else (although my heart was not in it) and after meeting a few times and him saying some very cute things (that he wished I did not have a new boyfriend, that he would have stayed with me forever, that he wished things had been different) we ended up cheating on my new boyfriend.
That was November 2015, and we have just seen each other again this past weekend. We practically acted like a couple; we speak a fair amount anyway, via text and over the phone, but this past weekend we held hands, we kissed, hugged (in front of our friends on a night out as well….) and had a fairly good heart to heart. He did say that he has never quite gotten over me, and that apparently even his mother has noticed it. He said that he is still massively attracted to me, and loves my eyes and my smile but we both know that this relationship cannot work right now. He lives 200 miles away, we both work hard, and now the weekend is over he is being quite non committal about when we might see each other next which is utterly frustrating. He made a move on me over the weekend, and is often cute and lovey dovey with me, but now I feel a bit confused about where I actually stand.
I know I am letting this affect possible new relationships, but then I am so in love with him still that I actually have very little interest in anyone else….. He said he still loves me, but he cannot face breaking my heart again; is he fobbing me off?!
B
May 31, 2016 at 8:18 am
Thanks, I had not thought of it like that. I guess the way it has been we have never truly let go of each other (even after parting 2 years ago now) and the attraction and chemistry between us has never really gone away. I am making plans to go and see him in July, so hopefully we can see more of each other (at least once a month) until we can work out how we can be together properly. Thanks for your advice!
B
May 27, 2016 at 5:57 am
This was the first time we had seen each other in 6 months, mainly due to the distance and we both have pretty punishing work schedules. Last week he was down as it was my birthday, and he wanted to join the celebrations. I work freelance, and he has two jobs – one freelance, and one on flex time so trying to sort a schedule is hard; assuming we only have weekends the next time I could possibly see him is mid July. But, we speak a lot (last time we spoke was last night) and tend to speak a few times a week – he has made the comment that ‘He can’t move down here’ (too expensive for him here) ‘and I won’t move up there’ (my business is rooted in London – to move it now would be career suicide!) but honestly, part of me thinks I would quit it all and get a regular 9-5 just to be with him, which is probably not smart?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 4:41 am
you don’t have to move too soon..if it all works out and you get back together as ldr, then work on a time line.. let’s say in a year..at leasg in that way, you both know the harder part of the relationship will be over in a year.. for now, you have to build rapport and attraction through messages and calls while you’re away so it will build up once you meet
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 5:20 am
Hi B,
how often do you see each other? Why did he come last weekend? Have you talked about a probably schedule?
Susana
May 23, 2016 at 11:15 am
I need help. Me and my ex were in long distance relationship, and we planned to study abroad together( he went to Cali 5 months before i do).
Unfortunatly , he said he has no feeling for me after 1 month he got there. I wasnt sure if he had falling for other girl cuz he said if he does he would let me know, but the posts he posted on facebook were full of sad emotions.(it’s so weird cuz hes the one who ended up the relationship!)
We had not contact but were still friends on facebook. 90 days after the broke up, he text me n told me he wanna pick me up at the airport when i get there. After a little chat, he posted a post says” he is trapping in nostalgia but on the other hand wanting spmeone to look for some mystic future together(i have no idea what the fuck was he talking abt) and he says he is stucking in the dilemma. WHAT THE HELL IS HE THINKING? DOES HE WANT ME BACK?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 5:23 pm
Hi Susana,
When is he going to pick you up? And let’s say there’s a feeling that he wants you back, but according to his post, when he said he wants a mystic future, it also means he’s a grass is greener case. He wants to experience a new relationship
Stella
May 20, 2016 at 3:11 am
Hello team,
I find everything so useful on this site. But it doesn’t mention anything about coworkers. I’ve been on and off again with my coworker and recently he send me a text saying that he loves me but due to work/life family constrains he doesn’t want a relationship and sees a heartbrake ahead. I responded with thanks for being straight with me, I’ll keep my distance to deal with my feelings – all the best. I stopped talking to him after that. He’s been at his other office all week( I assume to give me distance, or the fact that he doesn’t want to see me since I know it’s hard on him). It kills me to not talk to him or be with him, because he’s truly my soulmate but I’m staying strong. I don’t really know what to do since I’m madly In love with him but at the same time trying to stand my ground and not be an annoyance? Any advice helps.
Stella
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 9:34 am
Hi Stella,
you’re right on track with no contact.. just start to improve yourself and if he initiates a talk, reply politely direct..
Vendy
May 18, 2016 at 11:40 am
Mr X already know I have a boyfriend when I couple with him, and he told me he don’t mind. We both are so close and emotional connected to each other. We are being honest to each other during the 5 months time together.
However when I want to broke up with my boyfriend and he got to know Mr X, he approached Mr X personally and warned him not to contact with me. My boyfriend threatened him, send email to his office, scold him via text msg and break his reputation.
End up Mr X said he don’t want get into this trouble and want a normal life. He told me he feel very tired and ask me to leave him alone. I wrote him a msg to let him know that I so sorry for that, I do love him and I will not ask his responsibility to stay with me as I do respect his decision because I really love him. My current status his broke up with both of them.
I really want to get back with Mr X. Now I have applied no contact rule with Mr X for about 2 months, we not even say hi when we meet. I only ask him to borrow me his car when I need transport. Recently Mr X let me know ex-boyfriend take another attempt to break Mr X’s reputation by sending email to his friend and office. And I also heard that he seem like have a new girlfriend.
I do still love him so much, I do care about him. I believe we both know very well that our feeling is real. Is there any chances that we can get back together? Is it true that he can move on that fast?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Hi Vendy,
you said you’re in no contact for two months? is it over or you’re still in no contact? Are you continuing to improve yourself? you should do that and you should also talk calmly to your fiest ex that he should stop harassing Mr X since you’re already broken up to both of them
Lilliwyn
May 16, 2016 at 2:36 pm
am so confused. My ex and I have an adult daughter. We are both married to other people, but unhappily so. I am working towards being financially able to leave my current situation, and was doing so prior to him looking me up again. At first I resisted being sucked into an romantic involvement with him, and tried to keep it simply friendly, but he was persistent in his pursuit and I finally allowed him to initiate a romantic online relationship with me. He kept pushing to get together physically, and I kept putting it off not wanting to put both of us in a position we would later regret (I wanted to wait until we were both single again). He pulled away, came back, and pulled away again over a period of months…….I suspect it was an attempt to manipulate me into getting together with him physically because I wanted to wait. Last year he hooked up with another ex, a girl he almost married but she dumped him because he changed his major from med school to another field and had to change schools, and she did not want to wait a year for him to change schools. They started into a romantic relationship, and I backed off…I did however still call him hon, and sweetie on FB (which I call everyone) so he blocked me because he was afraid she would get jealous (he claimed it was because he was afraid his wife would be jealous, which was laughable, and a lie because his then current interest and he were making comments to one another which were blatantly romantically charged, and impossible to miss). I decided the best thing to do, as we were still talking as friends, and he occasionally still acted romantically interested in me, and yet he seemed at times as though he resented having to give me time out of his day, was to give him the opportunity to walk away guilt free from any relationship with me at all. I wrote him an amazing letter, making it clear to him unless he was emotionally, and physically available I no longer wanted to have anything to do with him romantically, and that I felt he did not wish to maintain a friendship either, but that if I was wrong he needed to correct me, but that was my perception of what was going on.
He never responded to the letter, and I was devastated, but I knew when I wrote the letter that he may choose to walk away completely, even from our friendship. So I embraced the fact that my friendship had little, or no importance to him, and I realized that hurt me even more deeply than the “death” of our romantic relationship. Several months passed, and around my birthday (several days after) he sent me belated birthday wishes via email. I responded in a purely platonic and friendly manner, as I had decided that relationship, even more than the other was the one I valued. I let him know I was doing well, and carrying on with my life, but that I wished him well, and would always be his friend.
He never responded to my email, and I was of course hurt again. My thoughts were he contacted me to somehow assuage his own guilt. After dealing with that emotional fallout I finally realized that I needed to do something a bit radical. I know this sounds odd, but I decided to hold a “funeral” for him, and our relationship in my own mind. I acknowledged my grief, I embraced all seven stages as they came and went, working through them getting over everything. I knew I may have to see him again due to our daughter, so I had to fully be able to move past any emotional investment in him…I don’t want to cause a scene at my daughter’s wedding when that day comes, I want to be polite, and cordial…but distant in regards to him….and I was doing great too.
My daughter informed me that he has been asking about me, and my relationships again. I had asked she not give him information about me, but she does not feel inclined to not do so…I made it clear to her that I could never go back to the relationship we once had, that relationship was dead and gone (I do not know if she relayed this to her father or not, I don’t ask her about him). She however, still relays to me occasionally things he asks about me….the latest being if she thought I would ever forgive him (since I have never been anything but kind, and polite in my dealings with him I can only assume that he realizes his behavior was atrocious, and unacceptable). My daughter said “Dad, it’s mom, of course she will forgive you” (because I tend to forgive everyone, not that I am willing to take people back sometimes because they are toxic, but I do forgive them).
So I get a”Happy Mother’s day” text, and email from him. I waited a couple of days to respond, I do not want to keep being a means for him to assuage his guilt if that is all he is doing, but I would truly like to be friends, though he would have to put some real effort into it if it were to succeed. I finally texted “Thank you”, nothing more, No response yet again after that. I know he is not the bravest man in the world, and courage is always something I have in mass quantities. I thought maybe he is just afraid I won’t accept him back as a friend…and in a sense he is correct, I could never accept the relationship we once shared back. If he wants to be my friend we are starting from square one, he needs to show me that he values me, respects me, and that I am a treasured friend, that he is willing to fight for our friendship, and beside me if need be, and if he can not do that I am not interested in a friendship with him. Also I considered that if he was only writing to me because he was feeling guilty to please stop, and that if he wanted to make amends for any wrongdoing he should focus on being a better father to our daughter and stop contacting me! I thought of writing him another letter clarifying this for him so once and for all he can choose to create a real and lasting friendship, or move on, but I do not know if this is appropriate, should I just let him work through his own baggage, or write the letter? I feel divided on this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 22, 2016 at 6:11 am
Hi Lilliwyn,
I hope you didn’t write the letter. You’ve already established that you’re open to being friends through your former letter and email. So, right now, if he greets just say thank you.
Beth
May 15, 2016 at 2:53 am
My ex and I had a good relationship, but he had had a child with an absolute crazy manipulative woman. He got very depressed around her, he didn’t like her and yet he had a very difficult time maintaining boundaries with her. A friend of his passed away suddenly and tragically and all of the guys had a wake out in a barn. His ex showed up at the farmhouse and hung out with a few women. Well, two months later, she informed me that she was pregnant with his child and that she would get him back (she didn’t even tell him!). He was shocked and didn’t believe it was possible (he still wants a paternity test) as he has zero recollection of having had sex with her. At first, my ex and I were trying to stay together, but her manipulations and his failure to stand up to her made that impossible – we broke up but with the implied future of us getting back together once things were ironed out about the baby. After that, he moved in with her. We talked off and on, with him saying he really regretting leaving me but then he kind of ghosted me around the time he found out they are having a boy. I got mad and told him to get the last of his things, that I tried to keep our relationship going but he wasn’t interested and now he gets what he apparently wanted – me out of his life. I tossed in a ‘I hope it makes you happy’ for good measure…
Even with all that has happened, apart from his ex (who is no longer the ex…), we had a good relationship and we really connected on a lot of levels. I would not be surprised if he ends things with his baby mama soon after the baby is born. And as much as I’d like to be with him again, I absolutely would not consider it without him making changes in his life. I would rather be single for eternity than return to that soap opera. So assuming he does contact me in the future (I feel terrible with what I said when I ended things and him ever contacting me is certainly in question), how do I encourage him in a restarting our relationship and yet make it clear that he needs to work out how to set AND KEEP boundaries with this crazy woman that he will be sharing a child with? I truly feel that she is emotionally abusive to him and he can’t have a healthy relationship with anyone until he works out why he allows that. I know he is generally pretty resistant to the thought of counseling, but I don’t see any way around it. And is there any way that I can support him in the mean time? I unfriended him and all of his friends on social media.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 9:23 am
Hi Beth,
you just have to be firm.. no means no.. don’t get back until you’re conditions are met but don’t be a negative source.. keep living a good life, be happy and improve yourself..
Denise
May 10, 2016 at 3:49 pm
I need help. I cheated on my boyfriend black out drunk. I am currently in recovery. he started texting me again. I don’t want to push him away. I only respond with positive things. he’s texting me simple things like how are you? this happened and it reminded me of you.. I don’t want to push him away. can I text him or do I need to let him always initiate the texting. I love him very much. it happened a month ago.
Denise
May 16, 2016 at 5:24 pm
I have heard that he is dating someone from his past. should I let go?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:33 am
Try to do what Chris advice in the blog post I suggested. At least by then, you know, you’ve done what you can in the right way.
Denise
May 16, 2016 at 5:21 pm
Yes, he knows. it was very dramatic.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 14, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi Denise,
does he know that you cheated? You should read this blog post. Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated
Caitlyn
May 8, 2016 at 9:40 am
Hi, I’m currently in Year 10 and three months ago my ex-boyfriend ended our relationship. Within the last 2-3 weeks, my girl-friends have caught him looking at me constantly because we wait for our buses which is near where his mates sit to wait as well. I’m confused if he’s just doing it to give me a cold shoulder or maybe he still likes me. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 2:55 am
Hi Caitlyn,
cold shoulder for three months? I think that’s too long for a cold shoulder.. maybe he does miss you but if he wants to reach out, he already did because it’s been three months.. it can be that he doesn’t know how to.. so, if you want to reach out first to him.. you can but if you didn’t become emotionally more stable during these three months and you didn’t improve yourself and had a new routine, do that first.
RG
May 3, 2016 at 12:31 pm
HI, My boyfriend and i broke up about 6 weeks ago, when he dumped me he said he love me alot and he will always love me but he cant be be with me , after completing the no contact period he called me and said he wanted to talk to me, i allowed him to see me and all he said was hes really sorry for leaving me and hurting me but he still can not be with me.. after that we started kissing and we spoke about how much we miss each other but at same time he say saying how much i screwed up the relationship.a day later he came again we spoke the same things and kissed again.. what does this mean? does he wana still be with me and scared to say ? i really wana be with him i dont know what do do please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 11:59 am
Hi Rg,
stop being intimate.. Don’t give him what he doesn’t deserve.. if he doesn’t want to be in relationship, you shouldn’t allow him doing things couples do.. have you improved yourself during nc?? when you talked after nc, did you initiate the relatioship talk or he just said that? you have to tell him, you can’t do this now. Be fair to yourself.. choose either doing nc again, staying friends without couple benefits, or move on.
Jon
April 27, 2016 at 7:16 pm
This woman and I were involved in an LDR for about three months. She was seemingly everything I wanted: intelligent, beautiful, etc. (Note she is overseas, and there is at least a partial language barrier). Over the course of several weeks, things got more serious: saying I love you very often, intimate Skype calls. About three weeks in there was talk of a 10-day trip together and what might go on after that (i.e. marriage, meeting family, etc). She was also texting me several times a day asking if I loved her, if she was the only one (she was), if she was till my girlfriend, and so on. I tried on at least one occasion to say I thought it may be moving too fast, but any time I expressed the least bit of hesitancy, that seemed to jump right into “you’re breaking up”. Some of this, I learned, could be chalked up to cultural differences in how affection is expressed. At first, I was completely caught up, as it was very exciting, but soon it all felt a bit overwhelming. We had a falling out. OK, more like, I was a jerk and fired off the “I need some time” letter, in which I told that is was becoming too much for me and I that don’t love myself very much. I’ve had long standing body image and people pleasing behaviors bordering on codependency and felt like I needed to go to therapy to get myself together (which is 100% true, I’ve functioned at a low level depression with deep spikes down on occasion), and that I shouldn’t be with anyone. I fully understand the letter was a massive douche move, I just didn’t know what else to do. After a few days, with some help from native language speaking friends, we seemed to work it out, she wanted to be with me while I worked on my issues. Things were not quite as heated, more subdued. This morning she asks outright what my plans for us were. During a long texting session back and forth, I reiterated that I felt like I needed to seek therapy for my issues and I didn’t think it was fair to ask her to wait for me. I finally picked up the phone and said the words out loud.
I don’t feel at all good about this, I never intended to hurt or lead anybody on. I fully understand that I have some serious issues to work out. I don’t fully understand why I can’t just accept love when it’s given. It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt someone very special.
I don’t know what response to expect or deserve, but I just had to get this out.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 6:11 am
Hi Jon,
nope you’re not a jerk.. you were honest and that’s the best move you could take for yourself and the relationship. I think she’s insecure.. her asking many times if you love her and if you have another girl is a sign of that