How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You

There is no way around it, when someone breaks up with you, it sucks. Sometimes the blow can be softened if you had a feeling a breakup was coming soon but if you were completely caught off guard then your ego definitely took a pretty big blow :/. Nevertheless, the world isn’t over and you can definitely salvage the situation. This page is going to focus on what steps you can take to get your ex boyfriend back if he broke up with you. Now, I want to give you a little notice here, I am not one of those people that is going to fill your head up with all sorts of lies saying that the methods talked about on this page are guaranteed to have him crawling back to you. All I will say is this, if you follow the advice on this page your chances of getting him back will increase dramatically.

 Do You Have A Legitimate Reason?

seems legit

If you want this to work then you better have a legitimate reason for wanting to get back together with your ex. I can tell you I have heard a lot of stories from women wanting to get back with their exes except when I ask them “Well, what is your biggest reason for wanting to get back together with your ex boyfriend?” they can’t come up with anything legitimate to tell me. Responses like:

  • “I miss him”
  • “He is the best I will ever date”
  • “I don’t want to be alone”

are NOT good enough. Trust me, if you don’t have a truly legitimate reason for wanting to be back with your ex boyfriend then I can assure you that you won’t get the happy ending that you are searching for (and for the record when I talk about a happy ending I mean having a long lasting HEALTHY relationship.) Now, the things that I talk about throughout this website will work on someone, even if you don’t have a legit reason, but almost always couples that reunite without a good reason don’t have a very healthy or long relationship. I want you to have a healthy and long relationship so that is why I am preaching this so much.

By now I am hoping that you are screaming at your computer “CHRIS, WHAT IS A LEGITIMATE REASON?” Well, there are a lot of legit and non-legit reasons to want to get back with an ex. I wrote an entire page covering them here: Legitimate Reasons To Get Back With Your Ex Boyfriend.

Alright, enough of this nonsense, lets get to the good stuff what do ya say?

Common Reasons He May Have Broken Up With You


As I am sure you have already figured out, men are quite complicated when it comes to relationships. There is a whole list of reasons that he may have potentially given you for the break up. Right now I don’t want you to worry about that, that is my job. What I am going to do for you is take the most common reasons that men use for a break up and tell you what they really mean. Now, I do feel it is important to mention that even though some of these reasons may be hard to face, it doesn’t mean all hope is lost, in fact, I think you will be fired up and ready to get him back after I break these down for you. Let’s take a look at the most common reasons:

  • The “it’s not you, it’s me” Excuse.
  • You don’t appreciate me
  • I don’t want to talk about it (Silence…..)
  • You Cheated On Them

The “It’s Not You, It’s Me” Excuse

its not you its me

Ah, the oldest excuse in the book. There are two big things you need to realize about someone who gave you this reason. First off, most of the time they are lying to you about the real reason why they wanted to breakup. Secondly, they weren’t specific about anything that you did that caused the breakup essentially leaving you in limbo land to wonder what went wrong. Off the top of my head here are some of the REAL reasons why they wanted to breakup:

  • They did not find you physically or emotionally attractive but cared enough about your feelings to not tell you to your face.
  • Some men have short attention spans and can get bored really fast. It is entirely possible that he just got really bored with the relationship and wanted to move on.
  • His emotional and sexual wants and desires weren’t met by you. Yup, some men are real jerks just because you won’t sleep with them.

I know it may seem hopeless now but I actually have good news for you if your ex gave you the “it’s not you, it’s me excuse” but first, there are a few things that you are going to have to do. Take out a sheet of paper and list all the real reasons that you can come up with that would make him break up with you. Here is the good news, the fact that your ex cared enough to lie to you, to spare your feelings, is not a negative thing, it’s actually a positive.

You Didn’t Appreciate Him

not appreciated

Unlike the reason above, this is a legitimate excuse for a guy to use. Here is the deal, if you were constantly nagging your ex or criticizing him there will eventually be a point where he can’t take it anymore. No one likes to be criticized every step of the way. In fact, nothing is a bigger turnoff to a man than a woman pointing out everything he is doing wrong. Men like to be admired and appreciated. Every time you nag or criticize him (to a great extent) you are hurting your mans confidence and lowering your value in his eyes. The good news in this case is that this is something you can fix since you control what you say. Take some time and really work on being less judgmental of him.

Lets Just Drop It (Silent Treatment)

dont wannt talk about it

I will say that out of all the reasons I listed on this page this one gave me the most trouble. The only thing I can think of, if your ex gives you this reason, is that he is really angry about something that he refuses to talk about it. I will admit, this reason is really tough to deal with because your ex boyfriend isn’t communicating with you at all. In any case, this one is going to require you to do some deeper digging internally.

You Cheated On Them


A very popular topic here on our site except usually people ask about it if they were the ones who were cheated on. In this case, we are flipping the coin and looking at how you can recover if YOU were the one who cheated on them. Cheating is kind of tricky, there is a lot to go into but I don’t think this is the page is the proper place to do so, I can tell you that usually women cheat for emotional reasons. Perhaps your relationship with your ex wasn’t good, was going downhill or he wasn’t giving you something that you needed. Whatever the case, think really hard about if you want to get back with a person that literally numbed you enough that you cheated on them. I have found that a lot of times women who cheated on their boyfriends and then wanted them back do so because they didn’t realize how good they had it with their ex boyfriend until they see how bad the relationship is with their new boyfriend.

If you are in that category, don’t worry, you can still get your ex boyfriend back. However, I want to ask you to consult the list of legitimate reasons before you go through with anything. If you consult the list and decide you still want your ex boyfriend back just realize that it is not going to be easy. You hurt this person and you are going to have to work extremely hard to gain back their trust. It’s possible, its just going to be really hard.

The Steps To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Getting your ex boyfriend back is a very complicated subject that few are willing to dive into, luckily, I am one of those few. Here is the deal though, I am not going to give you the exact steps to getting your ex back on this page. I already created a mega page that does just that. This baby is 10,000 words long, took me a month to finish and I am confident enough to say that it is the most comprehensive “get your ex boyfriend back” free guide that is currently in existence. Yup, I am that confident. Anyways, if you want the exact way to get a boyfriend back please visit the following page: How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
875 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You
  1. Sandy
    March 27, 2015 | 2:53 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex of 1,5y broke up with me in the beggining of Dec 2014, at first he said the reasons he broke up was that he fell out of love and he thought i was too dependant on him. Now almost 4 months post BU he said the real reasons for breaking up was bc he thought i was “the one” for him and that we were too different…

    Do you think i even have a chance to get him back?

    • admin
      March 29, 2015 | 2:44 pm

      Was there truth to what he said about you being too dependant.

  2. Lauren
    March 26, 2015 | 3:14 am

    Hey ,
    I broke up with my ex two months ago after being both brainwashed by my friend he was no good for me and not getting my own way which is ridiculous. We’d been together for over a yr with no arguments but had two situations of me breaking up with him in a short period both were while we’d been drinking . We have since spent the two month break up still going on dates saying we love each other etc but him being a little emotionally withdrawn. He has since re ended the relationship with the excuse that he never wants to feel as upset as when I broke up with him but still cares greatly for me and has feelings for me and needs space so we can get over these and be friends . I however have realised my mistakes and want him back . What do I do ?

    • admin
      March 31, 2015 | 8:18 pm

      Was this brainwashing friend a male or female?

  3. Bella
    March 22, 2015 | 3:03 am

    Bella: My boyfriend broke up with me in December he caught me off guard. We did not talk until almost three weeks after because I insisted but I did text him many times in between, he never answered back. When we talked he said it was over and said a lot of things that really hurt me. I kept texting because I was desperate and almost a month after the first time we talked we talked again just as friends but it made me feel better. After that I kept sending texts and letters of over four pages and one day he called me after a text I guess he was upset but I did not answer and text him that if it was going to hurt then I didn’t want to talk to him, he then replied no it was not going to hurt but to please not text or call anymore but we ended up talking for almost an hour that afternoon at the end of February. He said I was pushy since the beginning and that he always told me which was true, he also expressed his frustration because of my childish behavior but I just told him that I just did not know how to handle the situation and that my behavior was not intentionally to make him feel the way he was feeling. He said we would not be friends anymore and for me to try to handle the situation on my own. I begged him to be my friend and also cried a lot. I also told him that I loved him, he didn’t say anything. He knew I had feeling for him because I would express it to him other times. Towards the end of the conversation he agreed to be my friend and was calm but he asked me not to text or call and waited for him to do it. I know he would do it, I’ve been thinking he just couldn’t take it anymore but I’m desperate and willing for him to call. I have controlled myself but it hasn’t been easy and have done the NC. I’ve thought of waiting between 30 and 45 days to text him. At the end of March will be the 30 days. Give me your advice I know if I wait all that time he will be wondering why I haven’t done it even though he told me to keep on with my life or should I wait for him to call but what if he does it in 6 month. I can’t wait that much. I know he is a good man and I don’t want to lose him. If I use the confession text and he answers back I’ve been thinking to saying something like “I regret that my behavior cause this relationship to not work and I would like to offer you the real me a caring, loving and funny person and not the one I became during this relationship because of not knowing how to handle it.” A friendship with no stress or drama. I know even if he questions himself about what I’m saying he would know I would be saying the truth about me and he might want to give it a try to this friendship. He would always say that I was nice to him and that he liked me and I also know that I would insist and would get things my way, but he also said sometimes that I scared him maybe because of my behavior but I want to prove him wrong that all that I was doing was reacting and that in reality that is not the person I am. I was just scared of losing him and that was exactly what happened. I don’t know if it would work now. I even had to get professional help and he knows about it and also knowing the person he is I know he must be asking himself how am I doing? This was a long distance relationship and lasted about six months. When it happened everything was kind of ok but something came up that I had not mentioned before and he totally flipped and ended the relationship and we were together that day that it happened. That’s why I think I can’t get over it because I wasn’t expecting that to happen. Please help me, tell me what to do. I just want him to miss be and text and call the way I did so that he can see how I felt but I do have feelings for him. I’m willing to do anything and everything to get him back.

  4. Almond
    March 13, 2015 | 5:51 am

    I was dating this guy for 5 minths enough for me to fell in love, he keep saying i would be his ideal woman if i lost weight. He was being the best of friends with benefits and he says he cares a lot about me. One day he met a neighbor (stripper) and just broke up with me… She is in her 20’s very crazy party girl… He didnt know i know that… Is two weeks already and he didnt contact me… Last day he told me he dont want to atop talking to me, i told him i dint want him as a friend. What to do?

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 9:19 pm

      Sounds like a midlife crisis almost.

      How old is he?

  5. kate
    March 11, 2015 | 3:40 am

    We’ve been together for almost 7years and had a 1year LDR. He broke up with me 2months ago and started to block me on facebook. He broke up with me coz he fell out of love for me. According to him. He feel out of love because of the lack of trust u have for him. At first i was so desperate chatting him but no response from him. 1month ago u ask him if he still lives me and he said nit at all. I feel so much pain that time that leads me to not contact hum anymore but 1 month have passed i send him a chat about our common friend who passed away and then he respond and we started talking to each other. Talking about our common interest. He still response on my chat even if he says he has plenty of things to do. What do you think of that? Can i win him back? As much as possible i dont want an expectation.. Please help me what to do

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 7:11 pm

      Why didn’t you trust him?

      Is that why he fell out of love?

  6. Connie
    March 9, 2015 | 7:51 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up roughly a month ago. We have been toegther on and off for a total of 7 years. The longest we have ever been broken up has been for 7 months. I feel like I have messed things up pretty bad and it’s due to my temper and me snapping. I made an empty threat simply because I got upset. I have not had any contact with him for almost two weeks. I admit I tried calling, texting, and even showed up to his house to try to work things out but to no avail. I made a huge mistake and I feel like I’m losing the love of my life.

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 4:17 pm

      Was your empty threat that you would leave him?

  7. Jay Symone
    March 8, 2015 | 7:26 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me because i lied to him about something and i kept trying to hide that my ex was still contacting me, i wasn’t cheating i just didn’t wanna make something out of nothing. We did stop talking for a couple weeks slowly started back talking and now we’re supposed to be trying to work on being this all started 5 months ago, we don’t hang out anywhere near as much as we used too he comes over sometimes but not everytime i ask, i don’t think we’ll ever be back how we were but i really wanna be back with him! Idk what to do

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 3:35 pm

      I usually recommend that everyone start out in a period of NC andyou are no different.

  8. Jess
    March 8, 2015 | 6:49 am

    My ex broke up with me 3 months ago I did a 3 wk no contact, tried the first text.. He responded but in a neutral way.. Tried the second text a few days later instead of waiting a week..and he didn’t respond, then I stupidly sent another.. Didn’t respond..should I do another 30 day no contact? Haha I feel so stupid!! Or should I just let it go and never contact him again

    • admin
      March 8, 2015 | 3:16 pm

      Well, what texts exactly are you sending.

      • Jess
        March 8, 2015 | 11:49 pm

        The first was the I have a confession to make.. He responded neutral.. the next a couple days later was trying to remind him of a good time together and he didn’t respond…then the next a few days after I invited him out somewhere and he just wrote “no can do” .. It’s been 2 weeks since then.. Should I wait another 2 weeks and do it properly and be more patient? Or just forget it altogether I don’t want to look like a crazy ex gf!!!

        • Jess
          March 10, 2015 | 11:56 pm

          I feel like the longer time goes by the less chance I have of getting him back! It’s been 2 weeks since those messages should I wait another 2 or try again?

          • admin
            March 13, 2015 | 7:04 pm

            Wait another week and try again.

            • Jess
              March 15, 2015 | 1:35 am

              Should I start off with the “just been thinking lately and you popped into my head?”

              • Jess
                March 15, 2015 | 9:36 am

                If he doesn’t reply to this one, in your book you say to wait another 2 weeks and try again.. If you have already used the confession text, the just been thinking lately and u popped into me head text and failed…Then what do you use next?!

                • admin
                  March 15, 2015 | 5:31 pm

                  Try “Hey, this came on tv and it made me remember the time we did A…”

              • admin
                March 15, 2015 | 5:23 pm

                No, I would say go a different route.

                Less about him and more general I would say.

                • Jess
                  March 16, 2015 | 4:08 am

                  He didn’t reply, so I suppose ill wait another 2 weeks and try again? And if he doesn’t reply to that then it’s time to let go, what do u think?

                  • Jess
                    March 16, 2015 | 4:09 am

                    And also the women who got their exes back in the 3-8 month period, did some of their exs not reply to their first attempts? Or is it a really bad sign and looks like there is no hope

  9. carol
    March 3, 2015 | 8:34 pm

    It’s been almost a week since he broke up with me. I was not really expecting it but was always a little worried because he told me from the beginning nothing ever works out. Anyways I met him a year after I let my kids dad who was very mean to me.. when I met let’s call him D our first date was the best date I had ever been on then a few days later I had to take my girls to see their dad out of state. D and i talked everyday I was gone for hours and when I came back without my kids bc they stayed with their dad for the summer D and i spent every day together the whole summer and he was their for me when my ex tried to keep my kids. When my girls got home D finally met them after a few weeks and they loved him right away. Everything was great other then I’m stuck living at home with my parents till I can get my own place and that was hard on the relationship. We’ll I had not fully gotten my life in order I still have a lot I need to work on and things no matter how positive I stay things go wrong a lot. D and i talked about moving in together when I got a place. Everything we did together was great we had wonderful dates what was wrong is he told me I have a hard time leaving things alone which I was working on and i would ask him for comments when I was said which would make him feel like you said like he was not doing enough. We’ll I did it again and I just count not understand where he was coming from and then some things went bad in my life and he said it was over he could not handle it anymore. He told me he was not happy. This was hard for me to understand because we were always so happy together but after thinking I could understand. The thing is he is told me he needed to get some distance from us. Which I understand but am having a really hard time with. I text him on Saturday left him alone on Monday they emailed him on Monday which in simple said i was sorry I would give him time and want to stay friends. But I was sick today and down and called and text him. I know I need to give him space but it’s so hard everything reminds me of him and i keep hoping I’ll call or text and he will be happy i did :(.help what do I do and do you think we can work it out?

    • Lee
      March 18, 2015 | 4:01 pm

      I really want about this too. I started seeing this man for several months before we started dating, which we dated for a year and a few months. He just called it off out of the blue. The thing is he said it was that it was because he couldn’t handle the child, which he knew about my child well before we went on our first date. He was so good with her. He would always say “he want to teach her this, we need to do this for her.” When she got upset he would be the first to talk to her. He told me he thinks she’s a great kid when we broke up. I also have the same living situation as Carol. But it was hours away from him. This bothered him. I’ve never gotten along with someone so well and had a lot of the same views. I talked to some mutual friends, who are honestly closer to him, and they think it’s an excuse. I haven’t contacted him yet. I would like to know if Carol and I have a shot. I know her situation is different. I still would like to see a single mom have a happy ending, even if it’s not me.

  10. Unsure E
    March 3, 2015 | 4:44 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex “broke-up” with me New Year’s Day. We had only been dating a few months and it was long distance (4 hour drive). We talked every day and spent almost every weekend together. He “vanished” after a disagreement we had on New Year’s Eve. This was the second time he had done this. The first time was early December for a few days. He said when he has a lot on his mind he tries to “fix” them on his own. We talked about it and discussed that we were in this together and need to talk things through. He even said, “we were either going to talk it out today or put a bullet in it. You deserved more than that, and I never would have forgiven myself.” So I thought we were ok. (He is also an Vet with PTSD).

    At any rate, we discussed spending NYE together. He did not want to since I had to work (in a very public place) and then stopped returning my calls and texts. For the next two/three days, I called non-stop (I know, TERRIBLE decision) and sent some “colorful” emails/texts/Facebook messages (another bad decision). After I calmed a bit I sent a nicer message hoping to encourage contact. A few more days passed (absolute NC) and I sent him a text saying I missed him. He responded, “You broke me.” THAT absolutely broke my heart. We talked a few days later about trivial things but not about what had happened. Then, when we were to talk about it he disappeared again. We last spoke over a month ago.

    Should I just let it go? I know we had only been together for a few months but he was like a mirror image of me. He understood my weird quirks, and I got his. We talked about future plans and what we wanted out of life. We just worked. He constantly told me, “You complete me.” Part of me just wants to know what happened, even if we don’t get back together. I’m in my early 30s so I’m not new to break-ups, lol! (He’s mid-30s.) Would reaching out to him be a big mistake? …like picking at an old scab…?

    Unsure E

  11. Diane
    March 2, 2015 | 5:44 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up almost two weeks ago. We dated for a little over two years and had an amazing relationship. We were best friends and I know he loved me so much. He broke up with me because he said his feelings had changed and he could not have a girlfriend at this time in his life. Tonight is my birthday and he sent me a very nice message (but no I miss you/I love you stuff). I sent one thank you response, but did not say anything to his reply. I have been doing NC since we broke up and have about two more weeks to go. Does it seem like he might want to try again when NC ends and I ask for a conversation?

    • admin
      March 2, 2015 | 9:57 pm

      Impossible to say.

      But the fact that he reached out is a good sign.

    • Hans
      March 5, 2015 | 1:47 am

      Hi Diane,

      I am in the same exact situation. My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago after a year of living together. He said he doesn’t feel the same way about me and he’s not ready for a relationship right now. He wants to stay friends and texts and calls me frequently. It’s really hard for me to move on like this, and after I pick up my things this weekend, I will tell him I need space. Let me know how NC goes for you. Please don’t forget to respond if everything works out! I’m very curious if this is worth trying or if staying friends is the best option.

  12. Jennifer
    March 2, 2015 | 1:51 am

    My BF “vanished” last week. This is the second time he has done this. The first time was in December, we got back together about a month ago. I used “no contact” and after about 2 weeks he contacted me and apologized, told me how he knew messed up and didn’t want to lose me. We got back together. He vanished because he was overwhelmed with stress and by retreating into silence is how he deals with it. He is 41 and a lot of his stress is from PTSD from 15 deployments. He is retired Marine intelligence. He has never been married, but has been engaged. His fiancé took advantage of him and stole quite a bit of money from him and broke his heart. They have been broken up for about 18 months.
    I am 43 and divorced after almost 24 years.
    My BF and I had been together for about 8 months when he “vanished” this second time. It has been about a week this time.
    I have never pushed him for more than what we have. He was the one who brought up being exclusive, he was the one who talked about moving in together, about getting married. I have never pushed him for more than what we have at the moment. We have never lived together. I never felt that we were ready to take that step.
    I have been doing the “no contact” since he “vanished” again. I am guessing it is stress again. I caved and tried to call him today and sent him a message on FB.
    When we are together, things are great and we never fight. When we first met, we had the most amazing connection and chemistry. We both felt it and knew it. We both know that we want to be together and want to find a way to make this work.
    My question is, why does he keep vanishing when he gets stressed and how can I help him get over what seems to be a fear of commitment? I am not pressuring him, I don’t question him about his whereabouts when we aren’t together, I am not demanding, I am easy going and don’t demand a lot of his time. What am I doing wrong?

    • admin
      March 2, 2015 | 9:40 pm

      How long do these vanishing acts last typically?

  13. NNN
    February 25, 2015 | 9:26 am

    I and my ex have been together for about 2 years. But suddenly, he said that we had better break up because he thought we didn’t go along with each other and he also in love with another girl. We were in long distance relationship and now, he is back home. I was a needy girl, begged and he agreed to think about us one more time. Then he contacted me again just to talk and also wanted to skype with me.
    I did think that our relationship was improving because, you know, he started contact me may mean that he miss me or he want to love again.
    However, now I think he just does that because of being polite to me. I did think that the biggest problem is other girl, but now I realize the biggest problem is his feeling. No matter I do NC, how I improve myself, the problem is he doesn’t love me anymore. I can not attract him. It feels like nobody wants to wear old clothes after taking shower, right? :( Especially now, he has moved on. Although that girl hasn’t accept him yet, but in his mind, I am not important anymore. Once time he said that our relationship did end completely to him, but because I beg so he agreed to think again.
    Sometimes I can feel that he is still has a special feeling for me but he still replied that he is ot ready now.
    It’s a sad fact and it makes me feel hopeless. You will say I shouldn’t beg or being needy, right? But he is very important to me that I can try to do anything to get him back. I just want him back as soon as possible because the longer time takes, the longer distance between us.

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 9:41 pm

      Is he dating the new girl?

      • Pororo
        March 2, 2015 | 6:28 pm

        As I know, he confessed his love to that girl but she hasn’t accepted yet. Now he may try to chase her. We are in a long distance but he and that girl are staying very near. They study at the same university. But he still has name ‘Vit’s’ public (that means he belongs to me) on his facebook profile. That makes me really confused about what he is actually thinking.

  14. Jessie
    February 22, 2015 | 5:47 am

    Four days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We had been dating for two years and one month. The two years were so so amazing, we were best friends and we knew each other inside out. A week after our two year anniversary something changed, we began to argue more frequently until it became everyday, and then we had the worst conversation. To give more background, a lot of our arguments were about the same issue. He wanted to feel free to make new friends and not worry that I would be upset he was leaving me for them, and I wanted him to pay attention to me in the way he had for the first two years of our relationship. It culminated in the saddest conversation I have ever had, he said it was something he needed to figure out inside and he could not be my boyfriend anymore. I said I loved him so much and he said he cared about me more than anyone, but he could not reciprocate those feelings right now. He kept saying how I was great and he was so so scared of what life was going to be like without me. We texted a little bit about logistics and how to handle school the next day, and then that was it. We have classes together and we haven’t spoken since. I am going to try the month of space, but do you think that it is likely that he will ever love me again? I am so in love with him and I don’t know where to turn because he is gone and I don’t want to move on, I just want things the way that they were. He seemed willing to try to fix them right up until the last minute. The big question is, is it likely that he misses me once he experiences life without me? His feelings were so strong for exactly two years and then everything changed. What can I do to fix things and do you think he will eventually see his decision as a gigantic mistake?

    • admin
      February 22, 2015 | 5:31 pm

      Any idea what caused the massive change in him?

      • Jessie
        February 23, 2015 | 5:42 am

        In all honesty, I am not sure. From what he said it was just all of the arguments and the large amount of school stress he was under, but those still seem very vague. He told a friend of mine that it just was not the right thing for him right now and it was not fair to me to lie and say his feelings were more than they really were. I know the does not love me in the way he used to, but I still believe he cares about me a lot, hopefully in a romantic way. I have already begun the no contact period and am planning to have that three text conversation (Remember when we… I have to go, I’m going out with some friends) in a month. A few days after that my plan is to ask for a check in conversation and see if he would be interested in trying again. The most ideal situation is that he comes to me in a few weeks. The second most is that I ask for the conversation and he agrees to try again. And then there is just the sad possibility that he is happier without me. Am I at least on the right track with all of my plans? At this point I have nothing to lose because the relationship is already over, so I am willing to do anything.

  15. sabrina
    February 19, 2015 | 2:01 pm

    my boyfriend broke up with me becuase he claims to not love me or miss me anymore…
    this obviously is the most harsh thing to hear from a person you love with every fiber of your being. so did he tell me the truth in you opionion? and if he did what does telling the truth mean? or maybe he knew that that would crush me and wound me deeply and that’s why he told me this rather then something like, it’s old and boring for me? (becuase i might have tried to persuade him that we can do something new and exciting..)
    my point is did he give me a reason that i literally can’t argue over or beg (you can’t ask someone to change his feeling…) and that’s the reason?
    i’m in deep limbo becuase i have NOOO idea why he broke up, unless he is telling me the truth and he simply doesn’t love me anymore?
    can that be fixes if that’s the case?


    • admin
      February 20, 2015 | 11:25 pm

      I think we should figure out why he broke up with you first.

      • sabrina
        February 22, 2015 | 7:38 am

        that’s the point i have no idea why he broke up with me… unless he was telling me the truth that he simply doesnt love me anymore?….

  16. AJ
    February 18, 2015 | 4:11 pm

    Sorry ahead of time for how long this is, but I can’t find any advice for my particular situation. My boyfriend and I started dating in high school. He was 15 and I was 17. He approached me first and I developed feelings for him quickly but I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him because of our age difference. I tried to hold off for awhile and I tried to just be friends with him, but eventually I couldn’t lie to myself about my feelings for him, so we started dating. The first year of our relationship was wonderful and stressful at the same time. We were each other’s first serious relationship and we were both inexperienced and immature. We stayed together though everything though. I went to college and he still had 2 years of high school left. I broke up with him in my spring semester because we were having issues with being long distance and I thought it would be better for him if we weren’t together. I honestly just wanted him to be happy and it was a lot of responsibility for us to be together like that. He was devastated and I was devastated and after a month or two we ended up getting back together and I swore that I would never leave him again because it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Eventually he came to the same college as me and we had two amazing years there together. Literally everything was perfect. We never lived together but it was almost like we did because I was always at his apartment. After I graduated college I planned to take a year off to decide what I was going to do for graduate school and to work and save some funds for the future. The first year I took off things between us were still really good. Of course there were the occasional problems because we had to be long distance again after 2 years of being inseparable. I am now into my second year off of school and that’s when everything has fallen apart. I’m stuck in a rut and at some points I think I was truly depressed. I became increasingly needy in our relationship. I am incredibly unhappy with myself and so I was relying heavily on our relationship for happiness. I became seriously insecure and dependent on my boyfriend. I also lost my desire to have sex because I just really disliked myself. In the summer before his senior year of college one day he just randomly turned to me and said, “I think we should take a break.” Naturally I freaked out and shut that down immediately. When he went back to school he was distant and we really stopped communicating and started fighting instead. I tried to get him to talk about what was going on in his mind and he told me that he was confused and he didn’t know who he was. I started to get suspicious because he was acquaintances with this girl and she started always showing up in his snapchat best friends but he rarely spoke of her to me and had told me more than once that he wasn’t really friends with her. Then one day he confessed that they were actually pretty good friends and he hadn’t told me because he thought I would get upset and I told him I didn’t care if he was friends with her but I did care that he kept that from me. Ever since that I was extremely suspicious of their relationship but I tried to ignore it. I told him that we needed to talk thousands of times but he was so stressed out about his school work and exams that I just backed off completely and we said we would talk when he came home for break. When he came home for Christmas break he brought his best friend with him to stay for a few days. During this time he refused to see me or to talk to me which was the weirdest thing he’s ever done because he always wants to see me. He also ignored our 7 year anniversary that was during the few days. When his friend left, I pressured him until he talked to me because I honestly couldn’t take it anymore. He confessed that he wanted to break up with me. He said that the relationship was putting too much pressure on him and he wanted to find out who he was by himself. I responded to this by completely freaking out and I managed to get him to hold off on making a decision right away. I knew inside that something more was going on here because in 7 years he’s never tried to break up with me. That night I decided to look through his phone and I found a secret message thread between him and that girl. I found out that he had been emotionally involved with her for several months after he started confiding in her about our relationship issues and her issues with an ex. He didn’t sleep with her, but they kissed and made out more than once. In the messages she was urging him to break up with me. When I confronted him about this he completely broke down and hysterically bawled for hours. He told me several times he was never planning to be with this other girl after we broke up. He said he just didn’t know who he was and he needed to find out. I was so obviously extremely crushed by his infidelity but I read a lot of articles about it and I decided that I wanted to forgive him and I wanted to move forward and repair our relationship because I honestly value it so much. So we tried to go back to normal and put what had happened in the past and things were okay. When he went back to school things stayed normal between us for a couple of weeks. I suggested that he try to see a therapist because he expressed to me more than once that he was having thoughts of hurting himself and he was just really emotionally distressed. In 7 years I’ve never seen him like this. The therapist he talked to told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted sooner rather than later. He told me this and then he started talking about things that made it seem like he was going to break up with me again but he said we needed to talk and that he couldn’t talk yet because he was too stressed. Then one night he saw the girl he was cheating with and he completely freaked out. I had told him upon our reconciliation that I didn’t want him to talk to her or to even see her anymore because I wasn’t comfortable with it for obvious reasons. So up until the night when she was at his apartment with one of his roommates, he hadn’t talked to her though she had texted him multiple times. He was crying and saying how he still wanted to be her friend and he couldn’t avoid seeing her because they had so many mutual friends. So I said okay then be her friend but not like before. Be her acquaintance instead. If she’s there then you don’t have to make it weird but you don’t have to hang out alone or text her. He said he didn’t know if that could work because he wanted more with her before and he was afraid he might again. It really sounded like he wanted to break up with me again so I did the last thing I had to do and I asked him if we could take a break like he had wanted to before. As soon as I said this he completely stopped freaking out and he started telling me how much he loved me and how happy he was that I was understanding what he needed. We discussed the break and the conditions of the break for a few days. I told him that I didn’t want to take the break unless he was serious about doing it so that we could get back together. I told him that if he didn’t want that then we should just break up right then. He said he loved me and he wanted to be with me and that he can’t picture his future without me. Basically we decided we would not have any contact for a month and we would focus on bettering ourselves. We weren’t supposed to date, hook up with or kiss other people, and we were supposed to go to therapy. After the first month we would talk for a day or two to see how it was going and to see if we wanted to modify any of the conditions. Then we would go back into the break for another month. The night before the first day of the break we talked on the phone for hours and then we said how much we loved each other and then we said goodbye. Neither of us broke the no contact for the entire month. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but I did it because I knew I needed to and because I love my boyfriend and I want him to get better. At the end of the first month I was feeling really good about myself and I was really excited for us to talk. I knew I still had a lot of progress to make but I started working out and doing things for me and trying to get back some of my identity. The day we were supposed to talk was the day after Valentine’s Day aka 3 days ago. So I sent him a care package that would arrive after we talked. All day on the day we were supposed to talk I waited for him to text me because I didn’t want to text him first and seem needy. He never texted me. So finally I gave in later in the day and I texted him and just said hi. He responded that he wanted to only talk on the phone and he had a lot to tell me and it was going to be really emotional. I immediately knew that whatever he had to say it was going to bad. His message itself sounded so cold and so unlike him. So we talked and he told me he had written a letter at the suggestion of his therapist and I wasn’t allowed to say anything I just had to listen to the letter. He said he was breaking up with me. He said he wasn’t happy and he didn’t love me anymore. He said he isn’t my boyfriend anymore and he never will be again. He said that he was with that girl again during the break and that he keeps hurting me and he will continue to hurt me unless he leaves me. Honestly I don’t remember a lot of what he said because I was in such a state of shock. I spent an entire month thinking we were going to be together while he spent an entire month planning to leave me. He said so many mean things to me that day and I know that none of them were true, he said it so that I would feel hurt and let go of him. I know that he loves me. I know that in every fiber of my being. He said that he didn’t want to talk to me and we have a cat together and he said that I couldn’t see her but she would be fine with him and he would post pictures of her on Facebook for me to see. I have spent 7 years of my life with this man because I have always seen a future with him. We have always been best friends and he is the one person I have always been 100% comfortable being myself around. He makes me a better person, he inspires me. He has the most beautiful heart and passion for life. He has always pushed me out of my comfort zone to be the best that I can be. He makes me happy. Every single quirk he has I find absolutely endearing. I understand that you shouldn’t make another person your life and I think that’s what has happened for me here, but I do love him and I know that we could have an amazing future together. I think that he is in a very rough period in his life. I know for a fact that he is horrified of graduating and he is very fearful of the future because he is going to have to start over in a new place. Also, his mom was pushing him to propose to me and he told me more than once out of the blue that he doesn’t want to get married now and he doesn’t want to marry me. I think he’s just questioning everything about his life including me. I’m just wondering what anyone thinks about this situation. He has never cheated on me before this, he used to tell me he was going to propose to me when he turned 21, he wanted me to live with him during my time out of school, he has always been loving and caring, he has always been insanely attracted to me. That’s why I think that he’s having some type of quarter life crisis or something because this behavior is very unlike him. I think that there is a great chance that he is going to want to be with me again but I need outside opinions because I’m clearly biased. I know that in this last year of our relationship I have become someone I’m not and someone I don’t want to be and I think that has hurt my situation immensely. No matter what I am going to work on myself because I want to be the type of person I used to be but even better. But I just want to know if it seems likely that he will come back into my life because he is the person I truly want to be with, I think that he is the one for me no matter how cliche that sounds I have never doubted that. I know that if I work on myself I can go back to our relationship and I can be more mature and make it work, but I just don’t know if he will be receptive to the fact that I have changed in his current state of mind. Oh and I never said this but I’m currently 23 and he is 21. It’s been 3 days since he broke up with me and other than right after he hung up on me when I tried to call him back 3 times and he ignored my calls, I haven’t attempted to communicate with him in any way. I am planning to have no contact with him for 30-45 days which I’m sure is what you would suggest. Things ended on pretty bad terms with us there was no wishing well or anything he just got angry and hung up on me because I was crying and I asked him not to hang up just yet. I know he had to hang up because he does love me and if he stayed on the phone he would probably lose his will to break up with me. Anyway because of this I was wondering if I should send him a text saying that I respect his decision and I hope that he can find himself and that we he will be happy? Or should I just not contact him at all until the month is up?

    • admin
      February 18, 2015 | 10:04 pm

      Yup, 30 days is what I would suggest.

      I wouldn’t send the text though.

  17. Sameera
    February 17, 2015 | 9:41 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My bf broke up with me 2 nights ago because we have been fighting over dumb things lately, he feels like I complain too much and that i don’t trust him. I accidently saw his message from his ex wishing him happy valentines day to you too. I freaked out and woke him up, he yelled at me and then showed me it was a funny post about Valentine’s day he tagged her in. After that he left, I called him later to say I trust him but he was out, when he came home he wanted nothing to do with me and said he has done a lot for me including moving to where I live yet I don’t trust him. He had a bad reputation in the past so it took me a while to really know him better. What should I do ?

    • admin
      February 18, 2015 | 9:33 pm

      I understand where you are coming from but are the two of you broken up?

  18. Julia
    February 16, 2015 | 10:19 pm

    Hey Chris.
    My boyfriend and I was together for about 1 year and 2 months. The first year we were in a LDR and he dumped me last october. He came back in november and told me he moves from his city to be in mine.
    So, the first month was perfect but we started arguing a lot ’til last friday. I gave him lots of hard time but I finally put my efforts and after a week, he dumped me after a work trip of 3 days in his old city. He said he did not miss me (of course, it was only 3 days) and he can’t wait to go back. He said it was not a good sign. He started the conversation with “I don’t know whats wrong, i miss my friends and my city”. After, It was the “its not me, its you” excuse but he gave me some bad excuses after this. For example, that we weren’t on the same page and not having the same vision of our lives. The problem is that he knew already what I wanted in my life before he moved in my city. He said that he doesn’t want a marriage (I don’t want it either and he knew it) and he doesnt know about babies. He also said he was unhappy.
    Since friday, he called me (i did not respond), he wrote saturday morning to tell me that he called. I answered “Ok” in the evening and he answered back “ok” .
    On Sunday, he wrote me “Why didnt you answer?” And i said i was busy.
    I don’t want to lose him because I don’t think we arent on the same page. We have adjustments to do (he was single for about 4 years with some dates but nothing serious). He said he wants to do what he wants, when he wants without hurting someone. I love him so much. He was a big crush of mine during 2 years. He asked me to choose everything for the apartment and furnitures because we planned to move together. I can’t understand why its done now that i made efforts. Seems hopeless.

    • Julia
      February 16, 2015 | 10:34 pm

      I have 23 and he is 32 by the way…

    • Julia
      February 17, 2015 | 8:01 pm

      It’s not you, its me*

  19. Belle
    February 16, 2015 | 12:07 am

    I was dating this guy for 5 months and we fought a lot while we were dating. I always takes thing serious and too emotional. During these 5 months we went for a date only three times.He spent time at my place three or four times a week watch movies, cook and play games but I want to go out for a date. I fought with him over that but end up stayed in. He doesn’t want to spend money for a date. I broke up with him three times but got back together because he tried so hard to win me back again and i pitied him. Until that time I didn’t realize I can’t stay without him and love him. I know I shouldn’t initiate the break up first because I am mad. I broke up with him fourth time and he let me go this time. He said he suffered so much pain from the love and this time he is fine with the break up. I didn’t really want to break up so I say sorry and try for the makeup. But he didn’t give me any chance to try and tell me to stay just as friend. He said he just wanna be single for the time being and grow from there and which is the best for me. But I don’t wanna be friend with him. He didn’t even show up on my Birthday and I realize he already gave up on me but I still wanna get him back. I try not to talk to him but he text me everyday. When I initiate about a date he stopped texting. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do.

    • admin
      February 16, 2015 | 11:54 pm

      Maybe you came on a bit too strong.

      • Belle
        February 17, 2015 | 2:40 am

        Is there any chance I can get him back?

        • admin
          February 17, 2015 | 12:47 pm

          Of course, there is!

          • Belle
            February 19, 2015 | 4:32 am

            Thanks. He text me today that he miss me so much.

            • admin
              February 20, 2015 | 11:12 pm

              Thats a good sign!

              • Belle
                March 1, 2015 | 4:42 am

                We hung out last Saturday at his friend’s house. It was sweet and fun but after two days, he stopped text me and act like I’m nothing to him. Do you know why he changed suddenly?I stopped sending him text. On Thursday, he text me that he missed me so I called him but he’s at work and can’t pick up my call. I told him to call me back after work but he didn’t call back. Then today (Saturday), he text me that his phone got deactivated because he hasn’t paid the bill. I asked him whether he wanna see me. He said he went out with his friends yesterday and tired. I asked him that why he didn’t put me in the first place and why I’m always second option when with his friends. Then he said it costs a lot to have fun with me and I have no fun. He even said my apartment is boring. Do you know why all this happened? He said he wanna work out on our relationship but why did he hurt me with words. I’m hopeless romantic and I’m really hopeless now. Do you know why?

                • Belle
                  March 2, 2015 | 1:26 am

                  He told me to break up with me this morning. I didn’t wanna break up and begged him to stay. He said I haven’t changed my emotions and fought a lot. He just wanna be single and told me to leave him alone. I am not happy. It really hurts and felt like my heart is torn apart. Can you help me? :(

  20. Emily
    February 11, 2015 | 10:29 pm

    My ex and I broke up almost 3 weeks ago. I was very shy in the relationship and I think that he just got bored. This was actually my first boyfriend so I wasn’t really sure what to do when we broke up. I ended up making a big mistake and texting him a lot. Sometimes I just said “hey” and others it was actually about the relationship. He no longer will respond if I text him, or if he does he’ll disappear in the middle of the conversation. He even unfollowed me on Instagram which is pretty childish, I don’t post anything about the break up, just my normal picture of me going somewhere or something like that. My ex flirts with about every girl…he’s the flirty type. He told my friend that he didn’t enjoy hanging out with me, and never knew how to keep the conversation going. Maybe it’s best to move on. But I’m just not ready for that. I really love him. It hurts because I love and think about him so much but I know that I don’t even cross his mind. I need help. He doesn’t want to talk to me, but seeing him with every girl at school makes my life so much harder. I plan on not texting him for a long time, but I’m scared of I try when time has passed he will will still ignore me.

    • admin
      February 16, 2015 | 9:57 pm

      How long is a long time?


  21. rachel
    February 7, 2015 | 3:21 pm

    my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago because he said he was unhappy, the relationship was becoming a burden for him and he didn’t want to do it anymore, we are in the same class and I see him everyday, I see him sneak looks at me during lectures, he texts me once in a while especially to ask me if I got home safely after a night out with friends that we are both present at, avoiding him is impossible our school is small. I have texted him a couple times and I reply to his texts, I also told him I miss him at a party and he said he missed me too but we ended the conversation there. i don’t know what to do now because I want him back, I think he is confused and got scared with how quickly we were moving (we were together for a year). Please help me.

    • admin
      February 9, 2015 | 4:12 pm

      Have you attempted any form of NC?

      • rachel
        February 12, 2015 | 4:38 am

        I did for a little while, it is just hard because I see him in school all the time and all events that we have for school. just recently he texted me asking how i was doing and the next day he told me he has been getting a cold feeling from me and wanted to know if everything was ok, do you think this means anything?

  22. Najiriha
    February 6, 2015 | 12:43 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me because I yelled at him for using all my stuff (toothpaste, mouth wash, soap) then he goes around telling people he broke up with me by the way he stole from my house four days later he texts me bae I overreacted and im sorry what should I do

  23. Ashton
    February 6, 2015 | 6:45 am

    Oh the irony of this.. I have a podcast helping others in situations but the real trick is to give advice that you can actually take. Easier said than done.. So to the point. I’m 30, ex is 31. Met at 14 had crushes on each other for a couple years.. He moved back back to FL from MN (where I live) lost contact for several years. Got in touch 3 years ago. Talked, I flew to FL and the 2nd visit I stayed… We decided that I wouldn’t get back on the plane.. So great rekationship. He’s very successful, strong morals, very to the point and has high standards.. So about 6-8 months ago I changed careers and made less than responsible decisions (car insurance lapsed and got into an accident) that was the biggest thing but with him being so “perfect” he kept telling me how to be “better” all of which were great points but I had wanted to try my own way to seem I guess more independent… So he got frustrated and has always said he wants a good partner that he can build a good life with (don’t we all) so fight after fight lead to me going back home (mn) for a “break” I may have pushed for a date to come back which made him decide to end things.. (3 days ago) I’ve been away from him for almost 3 weeks.. We have a dog, my life is there, a lot of my things are there. It’s our home.., he says that he is in love with me but I didn’t change., ugh.. His last gf he didn’t love.. They were just a good team so with me the feelings were new. (He doesn’t show vulnerability at all) all I want to know is did he mean this? Is there a motive? Or am I holding onto hope that’s just not there? If you love someone why do you give up? Another side to this would be helpful! Thx!!

    • admin
      February 6, 2015 | 2:33 pm


      I am actually working on my own podcast right now :).

      What does he mean by “you didn’t change?”

  24. laura
    February 5, 2015 | 9:42 am

    hi Chris

    Me and my ex broke up Sunday whilst on hols, we’d had a couple of issues for the last 2 week’s but also had alot of good moments so I didn’t see it coming, he said he wasn’t feeling it, liked my company and thinks I’m a really nice person but didn’t feel the intimacy side of it. To say I’m gutted is an understatement, we been chatting a little and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind giving me your opinion and suggest what I should do now before I go into 30 days nc, or if I should just stop what I’m doing and start the 30 days nc now?

    Conversation is as follows:
    Monday evening(day after we broke up) he sent me a text message asking if I was okay and if I’d had a kip? Xx
    I didn’t reply so he messaged me on Facebook.
    Him: you okay? Xx
    me: good ta, you?. X
    him: just catching up on the soaps, bit tired tho. X
    me: same here, been a busy day, time to hit the hay soon. X
    him: me 2, do hope you are okay?. X
    me: I’m good, you 2. Nite. X
    him: good night Lau. X
    him: ps jambo jambo(song from hols, played everyday), I would like to stay in touch and remain friends if you would like 2?.
    I didn’t reply untill the next evening
    me: I’m sorry but I don’t think I can stay in touch tight now. Xx
    him: it is a shame, I wouldn’t like to fall out, I think your a very nice person. Xx
    again I didn’t reply till the next evening(tonight).
    Me: thank you :).
    him: it’s hard because I know it was a good thing and I’ll probably regret this like. Xx
    me: it was, but these things happen. Xx
    him: it’s just a shame. Xx
    him: maybe it just took a week of us spending time together like that to realise, it’s like the night of the sunset, that should have been a really romantic situation for us. Xx

    I haven’t replied yet, not sure what to say, or if I should Say anything?

    Would be ever so grateful for your help

    • admin
      February 5, 2015 | 3:52 pm

      What the heck is with all of his X’s and xx’s at the end?

      Don’t say anything.

      • laura
        February 5, 2015 | 4:06 pm

        So you think I should stop all communication now and go into the 30 days nc?, also is it a good sign that he’s done this?.


        • admin
          February 6, 2015 | 1:55 pm

          I definitely think you should stop communication and go into NC!

  25. Kit
    February 2, 2015 | 1:44 am

    Hey there Chris. I need some help and I appreciate if you would read and reply to this. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years. Two years ago, he broke my trust with lying about something and trying to hide it for around 3 years. It really hurt me but I decided to forgive him and give him a second chance because he’s just human right? I told him, though, that if he would lie again I would leave him. Anyway, in a way I’ve been a bit over reactive of things the past year. I would ask him questions and sometimes over think things he said. It was my way of letting him earn the trust back and I told him that. He said that he could go through it as long as it takes. Eventually though he complained and got hurt about it and I understood, so I told him that I realized I was doing it wrong and I wanted to change things. At first he said it was okay, then four days later broke up with me after accusing me of something I did not do. I’ve been hysterical and really sad ever since. I’ve been trying to approach him but I eventually stopped. He changed his relationship status on Facebook yesterday suddenly. I’m really confused and hurt about it. He wouldn’t give me a second chance when I gave him one. I’ve been not contacting him for a while except with telling him that I wasn’t expecting anything anymore and that I hope he’s happy. He broke it off pretty immaturely and unfairly. I still want him back though because i know we can work it out somehow and I love him so much. What do I do? :(

    • admin
      February 2, 2015 | 2:38 pm

      What did he lie about?

      • Kit
        February 3, 2015 | 3:10 am

        Thanks for answering me. It’s difficult to talk about because in trying to put it behind me and it’s kind of a personal issue. He didn’t cheat or anything like that, just lied to me about something he kept saying wasn’t true.

        • Kit
          February 6, 2015 | 12:51 am

          What can I do? :o

  26. Valya
    February 1, 2015 | 10:37 pm

    Hi. I dont know how to start it actually. I had a very wonderful relationship with this guy who was my (so-called bestfriend before) and out of the blue he suddenly ignored me for 2weeks and wanted to breakup. He said hes been thinking about it since couple weeks ago. He said i asked him too much and hes just not into relationship again. I had no idea what did he mean because i never asked anything to him and i guess it was just his excuse for breaking up with me. It was on june last year. I read alot of articles how to get rid the thoughts of an ex and how to get them back or either move on. They recommended me to stop contact him and start a new life. Prove him that i could b happy with or without him. So i did it. After 3months (sept) he suddenly msg me and tried to approach me again. After several meetings he said he wanted to get back and apologized for all the things he did before and promised not to ignore and leave me again. Because i still loved him so much so i gave him chance. It was just a month after he became like before. He ignored me without letting me know the reason. He was very sweet but sometimes he could become very annoying when he ignored me. He once told me he never gotten emotionally attached or too close with anyone before. Hes a introvert kind of person and he had a mood swing. He never had relationship before me and im the only one person who really really close with him. Ok. So, he ignored me again since end of oct and would come back after several days. I asked to his friends and they said he did the same to all of them. Even to his family members. So i tried to make it as not a big deal because i cared him so much. On the christmas eve i came along to his house. I brought christmas card and chocolate. It shocked me when he didnt even let me in instead of wanted to bring me down to the parking area. When we were heading out of the parking area i asked him where r we going and he said dropping u home. It was very heartbreaking. He knew exactly that i had noone at home and i came around just to spend christmas with him. I know exaclty hes not cheating on me pr stuffs. Just sometimes he becomes like this. I really really care about him but i guess he might has some sort of “disorder” or anything like that. He could spend 2weeks without talking to anyone and its pretty normal for him. He thinks life is so much boring. But when hes on hes good mood he could be the best version of perfect bf. so alright after he said he wants to drop me home i was so upset and i threw the card and chocolate to him and i forced him to stop the car and i got out of the car. Right after that he did nothing on it. He comety ignored me and so did i. Day by day passed i started to miss him more and more. I couldnt spend a night without having him in my dreams. I tried to move on but it was so impossible for me. Basically everything was so terrifying. And last week i read this article and i dont know why suddenly in the back of my mind there was a small hope for me to try again. Ppl may think im stupid to not get over him and still on this track but i really really need him nomatter what. You mentioned it before that we need to wait at least a month to start the converstation with ex. So yesterday i tried to send him a pic of “tacos promotion” and i said i just passed there and remembered how much u liked tacos. He replied it very cold but so fast. I tried to keep the converstation going and yeah i think it worked. We were talking for quite long time mb like 4hrs. He likes protography so i tried to talk about it even though i dont know anything about photography. So my question is, should i msg him everyday ? Or what should i do to maintain this communication on? And it would be great if u give me more tips to what should i do next. Thank you anyway. I really love ur article. It helps me alot. Looking forward for ur reply :)

    • admin
      February 2, 2015 | 2:32 pm

      Ok, you broke a few rules.

      First contact you are supposed to end the conversation immediately…

      • Valya
        February 3, 2015 | 8:08 pm

        Okay. So how to fix it ?
        He was so excited to talk. Each time i said i need to sleep he kept on sending me all of the pictures he took before. I couldnt stop it.
        But alright. So i need to stop the chat immediately ?
        Its been 2 days i always chat him first except last night.
        I didnt chat so didnt he. Should i always chat him first?
        When should i chat him again anyway ?

  27. AJ
    January 30, 2015 | 10:44 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I am so glad I found this website. My boyfriend of almost 4 months broke up with me 4 days ago. Everything was going well. We even had the perfect weekend. It was my turn to do date night so I took him out to dinner and drinks and then the following day we hung out with all of his friends (where he sat me down and said “This is my family and I am glad you are here”).

    Then on Monday he broke up with me bacause he said that I loved him too much and that he doesnt have those feelings for me. Which doesnt make sense because he calls everyday, says I am the best girlfriend he ever had, always comments on how I am beautiful, etc. I handled the break up well. I didn’t cause a big fight. I was just a little teary eyed and told him that he needs to think long and hard about this and that he is making a mistake and that his actions do not match his words. I let him out of my apartment and he just kept saying “I need to think” over and over.

    So I am doing the NC thing to see what happens.

    Do you think he just freaked out? I never used the L word with him. Very strange…

    • admin
      January 31, 2015 | 3:53 pm

      Probably a little freaked…

      But to be honest I think this is the perfect situation for NC.

      • AJ
        February 2, 2015 | 2:49 pm

        well..he texted me and I called him back. Turns out I left something at his house and he wanted to come over. I told him that he will need to just put it in my mailbox. He said he wanted to see me again and I dont get why? We had a cordial conversation and he said all these nice things about me and said that he just doesnt love me. I don’t think NC is going to fix this? But, if he doesn’t love me then why does he want to see me again? I think he has commitment issues, none of his past relationships have made it past the 6mth mark and very few past 3mts, and we were about to hit 4 mths.

        • AJ
          February 3, 2015 | 2:54 pm

          Should I even attempt NC or just get over him? Does he really mean what he says?

          • admin
            February 4, 2015 | 1:54 pm

            Yes you definitely should attempt it.

      • AJ
        February 3, 2015 | 5:14 pm

        Well, I caved and texted him. today is our 4 mth anniversary. Can someone talk some sense into me? This has been really hard since we did not fight. Apparently everything was fine? but how can that be?

        • NRS
          February 21, 2015 | 3:00 am

          I’m going through the EXACT same thing! We talked about marriage and having kids. He really wanted a kid with me. He left my place saying he really loved me and couldn’t wait to see me again and 30 minutes later he broke up with me. I don’t know what to do!!!

  28. blahblah
    January 29, 2015 | 9:20 am

    I will keep this short. Okay, so we have been datingr since 1.5 years. We were together when he described his one nights stands girl’s body parts to me and for him she was a jackpot.e. I knew about her, but didn’t want to get into the details because i knew i would fight with him. I mean, who is happy to know about her boyfriends ‘best’ night with a girl. But he did get into the details. So, as we were arguing. He walked out on me right there and then and left me all alone, be broke up with me over texts and asked me never to contact him. I made a mistake and I contacted him the other day and asked him to get back with me, he told me he is over me and bored of me, that I can do way better than him and I should just move on, this relationship is a responsibility and he doesn’t wanna carry on with it. I have my birthday coming in about one week.I told him he just can’t leave me like that even when my birthday us near. But he cut the call anyway. What should I do?

  29. Kalley
    January 27, 2015 | 9:57 pm

    So, my particular situation isn’t covered anywhere I’ve looked. Hoping you could advise me because I’m lost.

    Four days ago, a mutual friend texted my boyfriend saying it was guy’s night. that same friend also invited my sister, a lady. I was naturally upset because it really seemed like more of a “not you” kind of party. I was a mess but didn’t try to stop him from going. Boyfriend dropped me off and went to the party.

    I texted him a few times that night, he replied. I texted him to let me know when he got home safe (sometimes they drink and drive) and he replied fifteen minutes later that he’s breaking up with me.

    3 years and he breaks up over text, no warning at all.

    I texted the friend the next day asking what happened, and he said I don’t know, but I’m here for you. I’m your friend.

    Later I found out that the friend had told my bf a story about how I said he would force me to get an abortion or he’d break up with me and that he threatened violence. That was an old rumor started two years ago by someone else, and the friend added in the violence part.

    I asked him if that’s why my bf broke up with me. He replied saying all these crazy things like I am emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative, pathetic, and I’ve made everyone’s lives hell. I know I’m none of those things, and I still don’t know why he sent me all those texts out of nowhere. I asked if my bf said that, and the friend said he’s leaving what my bf said out of it. I told him I don’t believe any of what he’s told me and he said “don’t try to bend your mind against mine.” ??

    meanwhile my bf had said “we’ll talk. I just need space”. which I did not give… I asked him what happened and said I wanted to work it out and he said “it’s over. I’ve made up my mind. I’ll always love you I just can’t be with you.” but I’m suspicious that the friend made up his mind for him?

    I’m meeting him (my ex) on Friday to talk. idk what to do. I thought things were fine

    • admin
      January 28, 2015 | 3:21 pm

      So, your ex broke up with you over a rumor? Something thats not even true?

      • Kalley
        January 28, 2015 | 7:23 pm

        That’s just as much as I know. The friend won’t tell me what else was said or done, but told me “that doesn’t even matter. I told him that after he sent you the text.”

  30. Laurie
    January 25, 2015 | 9:12 pm

    I’ll try to keep this short. I’ve been friends with my ex for 7 years, dated him for the last 11 months. He broke it off with me last week. We had a great relationship, always had fun, respected each other, both easy to get along with, never had an argument, until one of his sons and my son (both 12) had an argument. This was about 3 months ago. That evening of their fight/argument, I called to let my ex know what had happened. I was under a lot of stress that day due to dealing with my ex-husband (emotionally abusive ex). I know that when I talked with my ex bf about the incident, I came across as accusing his son of things. I really wanted to just get both sides of the story. I later apologized for the way I came arcoss, and we briefly discuss what happened with the boys and I thought we had solved the problem. Ever since then, I felt, and he told me last week, that he had been pulling away from me. He says that he cares a lot about me, loves me, but isn’t in love with me. Says that he doesn’t think that his feelings are where they should be, when it’s almost been a year. I said, how can his feelings progress if he’s holding me at a distance. I asked him what he wants from me, he says he doesn’t know. I asked him what he’s thinking, he doesn’t know… Then says he just doesn’t think he can do it. ( the relationship). I’m so confused as to what went wrong. Things were great. He would tell me he loved me, call me beautiful, we had great chemistry. I sent one text, of course wanting to talk about what happened, I know… He never responded. Now we are both no contacting each other. It’s ripping my insides out. Is there any way to fix this?

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:55 pm

      Sure, but you may have to be the one that reaches out first and breaks the ice. Some men are going to be too stubborn for this.

  31. Alicia
    January 25, 2015 | 7:11 am

    Hey Kevin…
    My ex dumped me over a year ago, stating that I had been jealous and possessive towards him (when I truly was not). Three weeks later, he tried to apologize and asked to be my friend again… Since he thought it would not be fair for me to go back with him again after all the pain he put me through. I said yes, but never spoke with him again. Six months later, on a scholar event he showed off with his new girlfriend… I can say their relationship did not last, since I heard that she was such a complicated girl. I’ve un friended him and deleted any contact with him. I saw him last September by coincidence in a shopping mall but we did not speak to each other. Right now I see all the mistakes I did when we were together and I want him back…. Is there any chance? We have not seen or talked to each other for more that a year now :(

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:40 pm

      My name is not Kevin it’s Chris.

      WAs this meant for another expert?

      • Alicia
        January 27, 2015 | 4:22 am

        No, sorry, I’ve got confused. I meant to ask you, Chris… Whops

        • admin
          January 27, 2015 | 3:02 pm

          You were talking to Kevin over at How To Get Your Ex Back Permanently? huh?

          • Alicia
            January 27, 2015 | 3:50 pm

            Perhaps that is why I’ve got confused… But no, I really meant to ask you. Anyways, I guess I’m not getting any chance with him, no matter who answers me back. Thanks :/

  32. Alexandra
    January 22, 2015 | 12:44 pm

    Hi! What do I do if after(3 days after) I finish the no contact period we will meet at a birthday party. Should I text him first and meet at the party after? Or talk to him first at the party? And how should I act?

    • admin
      January 22, 2015 | 5:11 pm

      I’d say text first.

  33. Tanya
    November 27, 2014 | 2:24 pm

    Hi, Chris! I was in LDR with my ex for 7 months. We met in my country, and had extraordinary connection. He invited me to visit him in his country. After talking for few months by distance, he called me “a woman of my dreams” (physically, brains and personality), and that he is totally head over heels. He was very special for me too, so I was understanding, supportive, caring, etc. We agreed to meet somewhere in the middle of our countries, and spent awesome vacations together in Europe. After that he asked me to visit him again, and I bought non-refundable tickets to his country for New Year. But he dumped me few days later. He said he had absolutely amazing time with me, but he doesn’t think he will enjoy one more vacations together as much. I have the feeling that all he wanted is just one “adventure” with me. (His behavior changed after our trip, he didn’t seem as much interested anymore, and then we had a fight because he got angry when I said I miss him and don’t see anything in return anymore.)
    It was 2 months ago. I wasn’t acting needy, didn’t gnat him. When I found your site, I went in NC and completed 4 weeks. On 18th day he sent me a letter that he regrets of hurting such a fantastic girl, but he is just “incapable of love” (in general) and offered to be just friends. (So, I can still visit him). But how can I go to his country and act as friends if I have feelings for him and it all hurts as hell? I don’t want FWB situation. What do you think I should do?

    • admin
      November 28, 2014 | 3:19 pm

      Didyou read my LDR post yet?

  34. Lauren
    November 25, 2014 | 3:57 am

    MY boyfriend and I are both 23. We had a perfect relationship and both constantly told each other we made each other happy. This was the best relationship I have ever been in – he gave me attention and affection and love and respect. However, I did get down during the relationship because I couldn’t get a job after uni – I felt like I wasn’t doing anything with me life. He kept trying to make me happy – and I said he does make each day better for me, but he can’t make everything all better. I started to bring him down with my sad moods and he eventually got upset and broke up with me because he couldn’t make me happy and he said he constantly gets down when I am down. That night, I visited my ex to get advise from someone who knew me well – he told me to stop taking my emotions out on my boyfriend. The next day I went to speak to my boyfriend and we worked things out – the week proceeding things were perfect. However, he found out from his friend that I visited my ex and broke up with me. He says he can’t trust me ebcause I didn’t tell him myself, and his friends say he stupid if he keeps dating me as a I probably cheated. I told him I didn’t and tried to make him believe me, but he is angry and won’t listen. He said with some space things might be okay. But I was stressing and now he says I have smothered him and his decision is final. Last night I told him that it hurts he doesn’t believe me and that I would walk away like he wanted. We haven’t had contact since – I deleted his number and his facebook. Will he come back or is his decision final? We haven’t exchanged out things – should I contact him to do that and then begin no contact?

    • admin
      November 25, 2014 | 3:10 pm

      It is strange to get advice from an ex. I mean, if my significant other did that i’d be a little hurt too but I think breaking up with you is a very drastic step to take.

      I definitely think NC is the way to go…

      Do not see your ex again though (the one you got the advice from.) We don’t want to rock the boat even further.

  35. Catherine
    November 18, 2014 | 3:42 am

    My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, we were only together for 8 months but I was in love with him. We got into little arguments most of the time over petty things and I’ll admit it was due to my insecurities and jealousy. I craved more attention from him, though he told me from the get go that he wouldn’t be the best boyfriend but that he’d try, I told him I could be a bit emotional and childish but that’d id try to tone it down best I could. We’d always talk about working things out until one night I found out about the death of my grandmother. I wasn’t extremely close to her but it affected me more than I thought it would, I got drunk and stayed at his house that night. He was playing his video games and I was on the couch. I got hurt that we were just sitting in silence and that he wouldn’t try to talk to me so I stated I was going to leave, He told me to catch the campus bus but I repelled and we got into a huge argument where I said things I didn’t mean, the night resulted in us going back inside in separation. I left the following morning and got a weird feeling in my gut. I apologized to him but this time I knew that it wasn’t enough, I could sense he was going to end things with me.The next couple days were the hardest, I called him one night and went over to his house and thats when he broke up with me. It was over. I miss him and I’ve tried to the not talking, the talking to him and nothings worked. I’ve been an asshole jerk in the process at the same time and I know thats pushing him away. I initiated the last text and we agreed to try and be friends this whole time but its hard when we both state we have feelings, but since he no longer tries to talk to me I feel like he’s over me. Idk what to do

  36. d
    October 28, 2014 | 6:35 pm

    my ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we have still had contact he keeps telling me there is no way we are getting back together, we have a child together so i would have to use minimal contact, he also is inviting me to do thing’s together with our son, i’m getting mixed signals from him is it too late to use no contact?

    • admin
      October 29, 2014 | 2:29 pm

      Just use MC you can’t do NC because of your son but MC can be super effective.

  37. confused
    October 17, 2014 | 12:43 am

    Hi, I really need some help getting my ex back.

    Long story short my ex and I were together for over a year, but he has been in a different state for some job training for six months. We would visit each other when we could and when we were together things were AMAZING. We could literally go grocery shopping and be the happiest people in the world. When we were away from each other we would skype every night and text constantly. He would talk about all these things we would have to do in the future. Then two weeks ago he found out his job would require him to live closer to me, but would require him to travel for months at a time, so he said he didn’t think je would be able to give me the attention I deserved. He was crying as he told me this and I could tell he really didn’t want to break up. He kept trying to reassure me that I would find someone else but all I could say was that I only wanted him. He mentioned that maybe we could work out in the future and let’s play it by ear. He was literally everything I ever wanted and more and there was absolutely nothing wrong with our relationship. I know how he felt and he did not want to do this. All I can think right now is that I will never find someone like him, and in order for me to be.interested in someone else they would have to be an exact copy of him. Normally after a breakup I want the person back but deep down I know they weren’t right for me but I don’t have that this time. My gut keeps telling me that this IS the guy for me, we were absolutely amazing together. I was willing to work through the distance, and was even willing to move to the same state he was to be stationed out of so that when he was home we.could spend time together. He was fine with this early in our relationship but in our last conversation when I mentioned this he said, in true engineer fashion “i think moving for love is stupid”. He has always been very focused on his career but I know what we had was stronger. We are on good terms and text occasionally. Pleqse help me get the man of my dreams back!

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 3:01 pm

      Did you tell him that you didn’t care if you didn’t get as much attention when he said it?

  38. Meredith
    September 3, 2014 | 4:44 pm

    Hi there, My relationship just ended a few days ago. I was very happy in it. I did not see it coming and I am still in shock. He had kidney disease and was hooked up to a machine five days a week for four hours. At the beginning, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I learned to support and accept it. Things were great and we both loved each other. A few weeks ago, he developed muscle spasms in his legs and could not sleep with me in same bed. I got a little upset and told him that it makes me sad. A week later I didn’t want to come over as it was 30 min. away. I got a little upset because I felt there was no effort and the bed thing was mentioned. He then called it quits via text message. My heart was broken and I went to talk to him the next day. I just cried. I can’t believe this. I am in so much pain and have started NC. We were supposed to be in Las Vegas right now, so these days are incredibly tough. This is a unique breakup. We never fought or argued. I feel so sad and guilty. Do you think he thinks of me? I love him so much. Never felt this way with a guy. Thank you.

    • admin
      September 4, 2014 | 11:57 am

      He probably feels he has no worth to you…

  39. Amber
    August 15, 2014 | 5:41 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex and I broke up two weeks ago. We hadn’t been getting along for quite some time and it finally imploded. The only contact we had until right before I moved out was about the move. Then I went to a concert the night before the move, posting pics on Facebook (he’s not my friend on there anymore), and I got a message which knowing him I knew was snide saying, hope you have fun tonight, ill be gone during the times you requested hopefully everything will be goin by then. I didn’t respond. I moved out just as planned to get four texts that night from him saying where’s that decorative bowl my brother bought me, it was on the ledge and I know bc I took pictures before you moved, I want it back what else did you take?? I called him back, let him know that the bowl was in the wine room on the bottom shelf with Halloween candy in it and it had been there since October! He apologized via text. Lastly, he messaged me saying I had left a boot, I told him to leave it on the doorstep. Then I had a moment of weakness, I asked if I could say hi when I picked it up, he said sure if he was home. As I was heading over to pick it up and literally coming down the street he messaged me, I’m about to leave, I’ll leave it on the doorstep. I pulled up, grabbed my stuff, and rang the doorbell. He acted very short, hey I’m about to leave. I said ok just thought I’d say hi, thank you! I left, feeling so awful!!!! I had another moment of weakness and called him, asking if he was going in a date bc he acted so strange just now, he said no that he was just leaving. And finally I sent him a text that night saying this, you know to be perfectly honest with you when you said I could stop by and say hi I got excited, got myself all pretty and smelling nice. Thank you for showing me how much you really want this over and snapping me back in to reality. I have the upmost confidence that not only will I find somebody who loves me but truly adores me, I’m excited for my future. Wishing you the absolute best!! It has been four days since then and not a word. At first I didn’t really miss him, it was such a nice break from the conflict. It’s really starting to kick in now, I miss him. So Chris, my question is this, have I done too much damage or is it too late? And if not, what should I do now??

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:20 pm

      You’ve done damage but its not irreparable…

      • Amber
        August 18, 2014 | 4:05 pm

        I have not had any contact with him since then. What is your suggestion now?

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