How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You


There is no way around it, when someone breaks up with you, it sucks. Sometimes the blow can be softened if you had a feeling a breakup was coming soon but if you were completely caught off guard then your ego definitely took a pretty big blow :/. Nevertheless, the world isn’t over and you can definitely salvage the situation. This page is going to focus on what steps you can take to get your ex boyfriend back if he broke up with you. Now, I want to give you a little notice here, I am not one of those people that is going to fill your head up with all sorts of lies saying that the methods talked about on this page are guaranteed to have him crawling back to you. All I will say is this, if you follow the advice on this page your chances of getting him back will increase dramatically.

 Do You Have A Legitimate Reason?

seems legit

If you want this to work then you better have a legitimate reason for wanting to get back together with your ex. I can tell you I have heard a lot of stories from women wanting to get back with their exes except when I ask them “Well, what is your biggest reason for wanting to get back together with your ex boyfriend?” they can’t come up with anything legitimate to tell me. Responses like:

  • “I miss him”
  • “He is the best I will ever date”
  • “I don’t want to be alone”

are NOT good enough. Trust me, if you don’t have a truly legitimate reason for wanting to be back with your ex boyfriend then I can assure you that you won’t get the happy ending that you are searching for (and for the record when I talk about a happy ending I mean having a long lasting HEALTHY relationship.) Now, the things that I talk about throughout this website will work on someone, even if you don’t have a legit reason, but almost always couples that reunite without a good reason don’t have a very healthy or long relationship. I want you to have a healthy and long relationship so that is why I am preaching this so much.

By now I am hoping that you are screaming at your computer “CHRIS, WHAT IS A LEGITIMATE REASON?” Well, there are a lot of legit and non-legit reasons to want to get back with an ex. I wrote an entire page covering them here: Legitimate Reasons To Get Back With Your Ex Boyfriend.

Alright, enough of this nonsense, lets get to the good stuff what do ya say?

Common Reasons He May Have Broken Up With You


As I am sure you have already figured out, men are quite complicated when it comes to relationships. There is a whole list of reasons that he may have potentially given you for the break up. Right now I don’t want you to worry about that, that is my job. What I am going to do for you is take the most common reasons that men use for a break up and tell you what they really mean. Now, I do feel it is important to mention that even though some of these reasons may be hard to face, it doesn’t mean all hope is lost, in fact, I think you will be fired up and ready to get him back after I break these down for you. Let’s take a look at the most common reasons:

  • The “it’s not you, it’s me” Excuse.
  • You don’t appreciate me
  • I don’t want to talk about it (Silence…..)
  • You Cheated On Them

The “It’s Not You, It’s Me” Excuse

its not you its me

Ah, the oldest excuse in the book. There are two big things you need to realize about someone who gave you this reason. First off, most of the time they are lying to you about the real reason why they wanted to breakup. Secondly, they weren’t specific about anything that you did that caused the breakup essentially leaving you in limbo land to wonder what went wrong. Off the top of my head here are some of the REAL reasons why they wanted to breakup:

  • They did not find you physically or emotionally attractive but cared enough about your feelings to not tell you to your face.
  • Some men have short attention spans and can get bored really fast. It is entirely possible that he just got really bored with the relationship and wanted to move on.
  • His emotional and sexual wants and desires weren’t met by you. Yup, some men are real jerks just because you won’t sleep with them.

I know it may seem hopeless now but I actually have good news for you if your ex gave you the “it’s not you, it’s me excuse” but first, there are a few things that you are going to have to do. Take out a sheet of paper and list all the real reasons that you can come up with that would make him break up with you. Here is the good news, the fact that your ex cared enough to lie to you, to spare your feelings, is not a negative thing, it’s actually a positive.

You Didn’t Appreciate Him

not appreciated

Unlike the reason above, this is a legitimate excuse for a guy to use. Here is the deal, if you were constantly nagging your ex or criticizing him there will eventually be a point where he can’t take it anymore. No one likes to be criticized every step of the way. In fact, nothing is a bigger turnoff to a man than a woman pointing out everything he is doing wrong. Men like to be admired and appreciated. Every time you nag or criticize him (to a great extent) you are hurting your mans confidence and lowering your value in his eyes. The good news in this case is that this is something you can fix since you control what you say. Take some time and really work on being less judgmental of him.

Lets Just Drop It (Silent Treatment)

dont wannt talk about it

I will say that out of all the reasons I listed on this page this one gave me the most trouble. The only thing I can think of, if your ex gives you this reason, is that he is really angry about something that he refuses to talk about it. I will admit, this reason is really tough to deal with because your ex boyfriend isn’t communicating with you at all. In any case, this one is going to require you to do some deeper digging internally.

You Cheated On Them


A very popular topic here on our site except usually people ask about it if they were the ones who were cheated on. In this case, we are flipping the coin and looking at how you can recover if YOU were the one who cheated on them. Cheating is kind of tricky, there is a lot to go into but I don’t think this is the page is the proper place to do so, I can tell you that usually women cheat for emotional reasons. Perhaps your relationship with your ex wasn’t good, was going downhill or he wasn’t giving you something that you needed. Whatever the case, think really hard about if you want to get back with a person that literally numbed you enough that you cheated on them. I have found that a lot of times women who cheated on their boyfriends and then wanted them back do so because they didn’t realize how good they had it with their ex boyfriend until they see how bad the relationship is with their new boyfriend.

If you are in that category, don’t worry, you can still get your ex boyfriend back. However, I want to ask you to consult the list of legitimate reasons before you go through with anything. If you consult the list and decide you still want your ex boyfriend back just realize that it is not going to be easy. You hurt this person and you are going to have to work extremely hard to gain back their trust. It’s possible, its just going to be really hard.

The Steps To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Getting your ex boyfriend back is a very complicated subject that few are willing to dive into, luckily, I am one of those few. Here is the deal though, I am not going to give you the exact steps to getting your ex back on this page. I already created a mega page that does just that. This baby is 10,000 words long, took me a month to finish and I am confident enough to say that it is the most comprehensive “get your ex boyfriend back” free guide that is currently in existence. Yup, I am that confident. Anyways, if you want the exact way to get a boyfriend back please visit the following page: How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
766 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You
  1. Katie
    July 14, 2014 | 3:24 am

    My boyfriend of two years just suddenly broke up with me yesterday. Nothing in our relationship was completely unfixable. He did this to me about a year ago, both times have been out if the blue. He told me we weren’t meeting up emotionally. I being too emotional and him being not emotional enough. He said maybe someday we will work, like a year or so, but not right now. What does this mean? And what should I do?

  2. Amanda T
    July 13, 2014 | 12:08 am

    Hi Chris! Long story short, my boyfriend of almost 5 years broke up with me because I repeated the same mistakes for the first 4 years; I was jealous, insecure, clingy, had no confidence, was harshly judgemental of his friends and family, I didn’t want to give anythinf a chance, etc. Anyway, I made no effort to change despite the mistakes I kept making. He had enough and broke up with me. Tommorow will be day 5 of NC and I’m still skeptical. I’ve never been in a situation like this before. For 2 months, I’ve gotten rid of all the issues I’ve had for years. I’m using your plan as my guide right now but the only problem is that he doesn’t want to believe I’ve changed.

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:04 pm

      Why do you think you committed those mistakes?

  3. Kris
    July 2, 2014 | 4:05 pm

    I’ve been with my now ex bf for 2 months but we have been talking a while back before getting exclusive. He was a perfect gentleman, gives me flowers just because, introduced me to his family and friends, takes me out to dinner, even gives my mom flowers too. He was just perfect. We didn’t have sex because he wants to wait til marriage and I never pressured him. He always called me beautiful, did everything for me. Then one day he just told me he has issues he needs to take care of and it won’t be fair if he’ll drag me and hurt me in the process. I told him I will wait for him and I will just be there for him, and promised him I won’t hurt him. He said no. He asked to be friends because he saw how I’m a very “cool and awesome” person. I’m honestly really hurt. Today, I broke down at work and my boss told me to go home and just rest. I’m just really confused and I didn’t tell him but I was in love with him. I reassured him I won’t hurt him (his ex was mean to him and that was 10 years ago!). I thought I have found the one. He’s the best person there is and I can’t say anything bad bout him. Life is unfair sometimes. I’ll take him back if he wants to come back. But I won’t beg him back anymore. And won’t contact him. Ah, he was perfect. Lol. But I do hope he finds someone who deserves him. (Hello, Jeff, I’m talking bout you.)

    • admin
      July 3, 2014 | 1:03 am

      Wow, a guy that wants to wait to have sex… A very rare breed indeed.

      Has he not gotten over his ex?

  4. La Menefee
    June 19, 2014 | 12:37 am

    We had ups and downs bc of me .. I never saw the big pictire of why things happened. Our relationship reminded him of his past relationships … stressful

    UPDATE : after our intimate moment I become overwhelmed with my emotions started texting and calling ALL THE TIME … I kept tabs on him ..he never replied, then one day he texted me saying he regrets ever proposing to me , it was a mistake , he didnt want to be with me , he didnt want me in his life, we couldn’t fix our relationship ..he moved on, didnt look at me the same ..I cried my heart out for days and days …one day i was tired of the tears so i deleted his number, pics anything that reminded me of him .. and let go.

    UPDATE : We had NO CONTACT for over a month and some days now … In this time I been working on myself mentally ,emotionally and physically to grow … I been doing great, focusing on me … A few days ago I left my phone in, went for a walk and as i was coming in, i walked passed my phone, it vibrated & a text had shown up from a unknown # I didnt recognize… I checked it after a few mins, it stated ” Hey I kno u prolly think I was harsh on u..but dats something I didn’t wanna do but u drove me hope u ok and still tryna work on u..” I re read it a few times and realized it was him, I had no idea he still had my number, thought he would have erased it … and it is definitely shocking & unexpected to hear from him .

  5. Sara
    June 18, 2014 | 11:31 am

    Is it common for a guy to break up with you if a family member dies? When I told my friend we broke up she was shocked. He broke up with me a few days ago and my friend told me she found out his cousin had passed away that same week. He and I really love eachother it does get hard cause we don’t always get to talk or see eachother so it could’ve been a combination of that and his cousin dying. My friend could tell something was up with him by the way he was at work. Showing up out of dress code and then walking out. When he goes through things like this he sometimes will push me away. What should I do because I really love him and we get along really well. Normally communicate really well. I knew something was up cause the night he broke up with me he didnt really want to talk. I don’t know why he wouldn’t think I wouldn’t be there for him? What should I do? Do you think we may have a chance at getting back together

    • admin
      June 18, 2014 | 2:09 pm

      What family member of his passed?

      • Sara
        June 20, 2014 | 2:17 pm

        His grandpa. He has a really small family and was really close to him. He helped his mom take care of him when she couldn’t. My friend said that he still isn’t ready to come back to work and sounds more depressed then sad.

  6. Deb
    June 16, 2014 | 6:44 pm

    My Boyfriend Broke up with me June 13th 2014.Dating 3-1/2 Years. He says it was him not me. He was married for 10 years has a step son his ex cheated on him, but he says the reason for us breaking up suddenly was that he screw up in the head because he lost his family and he feels that he can’t give to another family completely to me and my kids what we deserve he wasn’t there when I was having tuff time with my kids in school and he feels like he needs to sort out his head to be able to give to another. He want to be Best Friends and whenever I need him he will be there no matter what, but this is the only first guy I truly Loved, he completes me as a person, he kind, honest, trusting, he’s a hard worker, and he’s always says I am beautiful texts me every morning and every night or just text’s me to says that he Loves me. How can a guy be so confused after 3-1/2 years of dating. I did put him aside because my kids needed me I needed to focus on them to get them back on track and to support them in what they needed, I am sure he felt left out we started to not be very intimate together started to go over to his place less and less. I feel maybe this was my fault in many ways, but June 13th 2014 I finally got my kids back on track and wanted to get back on track with the relationship that we had when we first met, but he wanted to talk to me he had dinner with me and after the kids left he said that excuse that he’s out of town lots and I didn’t want to move the country and that was true I am a city girl, but I was willing to compromise, he feels we should have been a little further along in our relationship like at least moved in together, but every time I suggest it he kinda blew it off because of the kids. So I am confused. I am having a hard time with this because he wants to be Best Friends and I feel in my Heart he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to give us a second chance, but wanted to stay Best Friends and would always be there for me no matter what how hard is that going to be?? Can someone give me some insight on this situation? Please I am begging anyone.

    • admin
      June 17, 2014 | 8:28 pm

      Have you implemented the NC rule on him yet?

  7. Alex
    June 14, 2014 | 1:26 am

    I’m in an on-again/off-again relationship with a person who is completely incapable of showing affection. I continue to stay in contact with him & stay partially together with him because he is a very talented person in everything he does & is professionally driven. He is not threatened by my advanced education or career because he also has a great career. Also I have “needs ” that no one else can remotely come close to adequately fulfilling.

    I know that there is no long-lasting possibility for happiness with him. He is merely keeping me on the backburner while searching for something better, then comes back when he is disappointed with the other women he dates. I also stay with him because I know the sex with others wi not be nearly as fulfilling, & that’s a big deal to me.

    My question does not center around how to get him back; rather I’m curious about how people are able to do no-contact. I know the simple answer is to just not call or text, but I’m consumed with thoughts of him when I try not to contact him. I want to move on & get off this toxic ride, but I can’t stick with no-contact for longer than a week.

    Any suggestions? I’m currently using a drunk dial app that prevents call & texts to or from him. Problem is that I constantly wonder if he’s trying to get ahold of me when the drunk dial app is on. Then I end up turning it off & ruminating on whether he possibly tried to call or not. When I don’t use the app then I have no willpower not to answer when he calls. I’d just like some advice on how to stop ruminating on contact with him. Exercise & hanging out with friends in my free time isn’t doing enough.

    • daniel
      June 16, 2014 | 5:00 am

      Honestly after reading your post me and you are a lot alike im trying the no contact thing to and it’s hard honesty if distracting yourself by hanging out with your friends isn’t helping read a book watch a movie spend time with your family go out and play a sport or workout keep a notebook write down your thoughts about him what you liked about him then write down the things you disliked about him maybe he would not spend time with you or would cheat or lie to you your doing this for you inside you know you’re to good for this person. No contact isn’t easy but it’s about you getting back to the old you. You were fine before this person and you will be fine after everytime you start to fixate your mind on him immediately think about something else maybe about buying a new outfit or look at different ways to improve you hope I helped a lil be strong though in the end it will pay off and you will be a stronger more confident person

  8. Devon
    June 13, 2014 | 9:42 pm

    Hi. So my and my boyfriend of 9 months have been reeny fighting because insecurity issues. We always resolve them buy the other night I hung up on him and it really bothered him. I’ve noticed him being odd, and noticeably unhappy yet he always reassured me it was me making him upset. We went for breakfast to discuss the other nighs issue. He bluntly stated “I’m not happy, this relationship is doing anything for us” and proceeded to tell me that I’m his best friend and that he loves me but he’s simply not happy in the relationship and its not fair to pretend to be happy. He wants to be friends but I love him so dearly and we had an amazing connection. It was so out of the blue, almost a rash decison. Should I have hope on getting him back? Please help

  9. Val
    June 13, 2014 | 11:32 am

    My bf broke up with me last night. He said he just not into relationship. Hes type of loner, he doesnt have much friends, and it was the first time he had relationship. He said he had been thungking about this. He said he doesnt like attention from others and he thinks i give too much attention to him. He said its not my fault but its his fault. He doesnt want me to blame myself.
    But i just cant do this. I love him so much. I wanted to breakup through phone, but i said i want him to talk face to face but he doesnt want.
    I dont wanna break up with him. What should i do to get him back? I cant move on! Please help me

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 4:03 pm

      That was his reason? B/c he is a loner?

  10. Patricia
    June 13, 2014 | 4:03 am

    Hi. my boyfriend broke up with me last january. Then we got back again late jan. and he broke up with me on valentines day. i met with him a day after that and we talked alone in a room. i wrote him letters that was supposed to be a valentines gift and as he read them he cried. we tried understanding eachother and we got back. then eventually march came and he broke up with me again two days before my birthday. then we got back and he broke up with me again on april and may and finally june. i am inlove with him and i just cannot give up on him. he said he doesnt want to talk to me at all and that he didnt like me anymore but on twitter when we were talking with my friend about a guy who likes me, he tweeted ” flirt :) ” and he and my friend argued. he called me up after not answering all my calls and texts and ge screamed at me. but after a while he called again to say sorry. then thats when he said he doesnt want to jeopardize his rel. with his friemds bec they told him to stop talking to me. and ever since i have been suffering panic attacks and i cant stop loving him at all. is there a chance for us to get back together in the future? I tried dating others but i really cant stop loving him bec i really really want and need him in my life through better or worse. i told him that we should try again and we did. He was really happy but then he just kept denying it. like he wanted to stick to whats in his mind even though he was really happy. Please help :(

  11. beth
    June 12, 2014 | 7:29 am

    Hi my boyfriends broke up with me a month was kind of out of blue he said his feelings hadn’t changed just the situation (us not speaking a lot, doing a lot things together) anyway yo work together so I see him 2-3 times a week and he always asks me how I and smiles at me. And told me a couple of weeks a go he likes seeing me at work. Also I left some things at his and the same for him here nothing overly important but is it weird he hasn’t asked for his things and hasn’t offered to give mine back?

  12. Leslie
    June 8, 2014 | 10:43 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My boyfriend just broke up with me out of know where. I found out that his grandpa just passed away. So I texted him and told him I would be there for him if he needs a friend because I lost my great grandma and my cousin in February so it’s a lot and hard to deal with. I don’t know how I should be there for him but know he is pushing me away because of this. I know he did say he just needs time. The reason we broke up is different from what you have said above so what should I do and how should I go about this? I really like your website and because you are always helping people out I purchased your book.

    Thanks so much :)

    • admin
      June 9, 2014 | 3:10 pm

      Thank you for the purchase!

      I would say he is right.. he just needs time.

      • Leslie
        June 9, 2014 | 7:23 pm

        Ok perfect. I know that it’s best to not do the thirty day no contact. And because I am grieving over a great grandma and cousin that I recently lost I know how hard it is and I told him if he wants me to be there for him I will be. So if he contacts me should I ignore him. Or be there to support him. I just worry cause when he goes through stuff like this sometimes he gets depressed. Right now I just want to respect his space. But because this is circumstantial how should I go about this?

        • admin
          June 10, 2014 | 3:40 pm

          Oh man this is a tough one…

          Maybe limited contact. Only respond if he contacts you.

          • Leslie
            June 10, 2014 | 6:46 pm

            Ok thanks. Should I just keep my contact short and friendly cause I know how hard it is when you are grieving? I did tell him I would be there for him if he wanted me to. That was how I left it and haven’t texted him since. I am doing good too cause its been three days since I’ve talked to him:).

            • Leslie
              June 10, 2014 | 6:54 pm

              Also I only keep on contact if he contacts me. I hope this ok but I did send a sympathy card and just left it that’ll I did not mention anything about he or I. I am still grieving and understand how hard it is. Thanks for the help Chris it’s hard cause I don’t know what to do. I know it’s best to give him space and time to heal.

  13. Anne
    June 8, 2014 | 1:29 pm

    Hey I found out why my boyfriend and I broke up and it’s because he is moving. Yesterday my friend said he walked into work undressed (no uniform). She said he looked really sad and then said he was gunna get food and never came back. It seemed as though he went in to look to see if he forgot anything then walked out and left. He was gunna be manager and everything. I know he said he moves when his family does. At one point we talked about it and he asked if I would move with him. We have been together almost a year. The hard part was this last month we didnt get to see eachother but still talked quit a bit. Chris I need your help. I don’t know what to do or what to say to him. I would be willing to move but I haven’t heard from him. My friend and I think something is happening with his family (cause his step dad drinks and is abusive) cause something happened with his little brother. Please give me some advice. I bought your book and don’t know what I can do. I know he and I agreed to be friends which is good. I am really worried for him. Wish he would’ve mentioned that he is moving. My friend who works with him and set us up said that is probably why he broke up with me and was afraid I would say no. I bought your book and have read your website. But my situation is circumstantial so what should I do or say to him? Thanks for the help.

    • admin
      June 8, 2014 | 8:28 pm

      How far away is he moving?

      • Anne
        June 8, 2014 | 10:04 pm

        I honestly don’t know at the moment because he moved due to an emergency. I know right now things aren’t good especially with what happened to his little brother. The only reason I found out was from my friend. That job he just walked out on was a really good job and she said he wasn’t himself and looked really sad and tired. I know he needs time because we broke up once when his step dad walked out on his mom and little brothers. But how can I be there for him? I know when he is ok I will hear from him but his home environment isn’t the best if that makes sense (imagine the worst alcohol and abuse). I know just from my oast experiences withy dad. He nor I drink because of that. Right now he is helping his mom and taking care of his grandpa. We both really love eachother and I know that he found out he was moving this weekend which was why he broke up on wed. But how can I be there for him or let him know I would still be willing to move. I know logically I can’t and won’t tell him that right now I just simply offered to be there if he needs me. But how should I go about this because I love him and know what he is going through. My guess right kow could be Liousiana…. Thank you for writing back! I love your book but this situation is different as to why we broke up so that’s why I am asking:)

        • admin
          June 9, 2014 | 3:06 pm

          I think just giving him time for a little while. Wait until he is more stable emotionally before you try anything.

  14. Jodi
    June 6, 2014 | 4:47 am

    My boyfriend up about 8 months just broke up with me. I read the “It was me not you” part of the text”. During this whole break up, we were both civil with each other (not yelling or crying), said he wanted “to be friends”. It is actually a long story… but about a month previously he asked for a break for SEVERAL WEEKS!!!…he then came back after 4 days (drunk of course) and pouring everything out. Then everything was fine, he went on vacation, came back and thought everything was fine. Then we had sex (real sex…almost like making love) and then dumped me 2 days later.
    I dont know what happened and why he did this. He said that he wanted to be friends, he still cares, and he will be around for me. On a negative note (during the breaking up conversation), he said that he couldn’t picture me “as being his gf”, he didn’t like my personality (mind you his friends liked me a lot and I got along with them sooo well). So i have no idea what i did wrong and feel stupid for wanting him back. Also, I do have a little baggage, I have had a boyfriend pass away several years ago, but I do not think that had anything to do with my new relationship (obviously I waited long enough until my mind was clear)
    I just really want him back but I feel sooo stupid. Help.
    And as of now, obviously I was texting him a lot the day we broke up, but its been about 4 days and definitely trying out the No Contact Rule. Just need a little help. My main concern is, I don’t think I did anything wrong (and trust me since I am asking for your advice, I would admit if I did something wrong). This guy is about 27 im 24, he has his own career and he is set with everything. So, why is he unhappy? Why does he need time to think…mind you, we only see each other on the weekends due to our work schedule (I thought he liked the fact he got the whole week to himself) and just seeing me on the weekends. I really don’t know what is wrong and I always respect his space. Help?

    • Jodi
      June 6, 2014 | 5:08 am

      Sorry, I didn’t mean to get too personal about the sex part. And I also wanted to add (to the part where I don’t think I did anything wrong), as I said earlier, I gave him my space and time before. I am also independent, work, and going back to school. During the whole relationship I liked to show him that I took care of my self and proud of what I earned. Why wouldn’t he like me after I gave him space and time and didn’t bother him at all? I am not clingy or naggy or anything. I am just really confused. And thanks again for this help and like I said, I am doing the NCR!

    • admin
      June 6, 2014 | 5:45 pm

      What was his reasoning for the breakup? Did he say?

  15. Anne
    June 5, 2014 | 8:09 pm

    My boyfriend and I just broke up last night do to circumstantial reasons. We really love eachother but know that with our schedules and circumstances it is working right now. It wasnt what we wanted but know that it’s for the best. He told me he loved me and wants to be with me but he is right it’s not working due to time and schedules. We decided to be friends and with everything going on we both know that breaking up is best for both of us because we are both dealing with a lot. I agreed and it ended on really good terms. I want him back I am going to do no contact but what else can I do and what should I do when he offered to give me my stuff back?

    • Anne
      June 6, 2014 | 1:53 am

      Also do you think we still have a chance? At one point when we wanted to talk and make things better and he did tell me he wanted to be with me but we don’t have the time and he has a lot going on at home right now

    • admin
      June 6, 2014 | 5:20 pm

      Circumstantial resasons… do you think that was the real reason the breakup ocurred.

      • Anne
        June 6, 2014 | 7:43 pm

        Yes because it’s really hard for the two of us two find time. He is I between two jobs right now, the only one who has a car and when I asked my friend she said the last time he talked to her everything was fine between us. He does have a lot of family stress and also has to help take care of his grandpa.

        • Anne
          June 6, 2014 | 7:45 pm

          And I am working and also working on my masters. It’s been a month since we have been able to see eachother.

  16. Meg
    June 3, 2014 | 1:42 am

    Hi, Me an my ex have been broken up for 1.5 years, we didn’t speak for the first 4 months after the break up but ever since then he will message for few days then nothing for a week then message again and that has been going on since the break up. He is obviously in control of this situation and I think he knows it. He recently moved to a different state for 6 months, and he asked me to go up for a holiday for a week (which I did and it all went well). When I got back I told him that I was sick of being confused and been up in the air, he told me that when he gets back in 4 months he would like to try and see if we can give things another go! Long story short, since then I have booked flights to go back up in 8 weeks from now! Just yesterday he said it feels like its all moving to fast and its getting to much for him atm as he wants the time away to himself! I basically just want to know how to win him over in this 8 weeks and make him want me back when I get up there! I want to control this situation. He is a stubborn man, he could go for days without messaging, please help!!! We genuinely do care for each other, I think he is just scared of the commitment and likes his freedom.

    • admin
      June 5, 2014 | 5:13 pm

      Have you read the male mind articles yet? They talk about dealing with stubborn personalities.

  17. Sara
    June 3, 2014 | 1:01 am

    My boyfriend just broke up with me. Ive known him since 2nd grade and he’s had a crush on me since 7th. He told me that he still really likes me and has for a really long time but he feels like he rush into it. I really like him. What can I do? Please help…

    • admin
      June 5, 2014 | 5:11 pm

      7th grade?

      Your in 7th grade?

      I guess you can try some NC.

  18. Samantha Torres
    May 26, 2014 | 1:30 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me last May 14. We were fine texting during that day. But when I suddenly become mad because of a little thing. He also got mad and broke up with me. He told me that our relationship is not working anymore and that we are always fighting. I begged him and told him if we can still fix our relationship. He then told me that he doesn’t want to fix it anymore and doesn’t want to be in my life anymore. The next day, I once again asked him if we can fix this but he said he doesn’t want to. I told him that maybe we should talk about it in person. We met after four days, we talked about our relationship. I asked him again if he still doesn’t want to fix it and he said yes. He also told me that he doesn’t love me anymore, though I don’t believe what he told me maybe Because I still can’t accept it. I cried in front of him and told him that I love him so much and I dont want to lose him. And He told me that he will still be my friend and he will never leave me as a friend. On that day, he told me that I can do whatever I want to do with him. We went to the mall, watch movies and had fun together as if nothing happened. The next day, he didn’t contact me or text me at all. Four days had passed and he suddenly texted me, he invited me to watch a movie with him and so I went. After that, we went to our respective homes. He texted me, how I’m doing though we had just seen each other that day. Because I was very curious of what does meeting up with him means. I asked him if going out and seeing a movie with him means its a date because I was expecting anything from it.He told me just friends and just invited me because he doesn’t have anyone to go with him. We stayed up late all night texting and told me that he was just checking up on me if I had already moved on because if not, he will still not contact me. He also invited me to go out again with him next week and accepted it. The next day, the day after we stayed late texting each other, he didnt contact me again or didnt even texted me at all. Because of that, I decided to text him and said that next week will be our last meeting because its hard for me to move on if I keep seeing or communicating with him. I also texted him that I need space after we meet up next week, I will stop any means if our communication and if he really doesnt want me in his life anymore, then I dont want him either. But, if he still wants me, I told him to make an effort. Is my decision right? I wanted to stop all means of communication with him eventhough I really want to get him back.

  19. Kateřina
    May 26, 2014 | 11:51 am

    So, I had a 9-month relationship with 32 years old man, I’m 19 years old. We met at work. He broke up with me 3 days ago at work. Our relationship was really nice, he often told me that after all his experiences I’m the love of his life and that he had never felt that good with anybody else. He really loved me, I’m pretty sure about that. It was my first relationship so after some time I started to feel a bit uncomfortable and did not know what to feel. I was really rude to him, always mad at him for nothing etc, he really tried to do anything to help me but it obviously did not work. At that time something broke inside of him and since then, he couldn’t love me the way he did. Plus a very good friend of his started to flirt with him etc and he slowly fell in love with her. Because he felt something for her 3 years ago already so it just came back. I realised I truly loved him and wanted him back. So we decided we will give ourselves some time. It took about month and a half and he broke up with me because he just didnt feel it anymore. He said he still has some feelings for me, but she’s the right girl for him, they have a lot in common and that he feels he can be happier with her than with anybody else. He still wants to be friends, to go cycling together or to have dinner together, he doesn’t want me to end up in work because my company is very lovely etc…what do you think? Will he realise after some time what he had lost and come back to me? Will he only have the rebound relationship with her?

    • admin
      May 27, 2014 | 2:36 pm

      It had to do with the age difference I think.

      He is probably at a place where he wants to settle down and he maybe thinks you can’t do that for him.

    • Kateřina
      May 27, 2014 | 7:20 pm

      That’s actually not true. He’s not that type for settling down, he doesnt want to have kids or family, he’s that kind of a ‘free guy’ who wants to live his life full of adventure, travelling, friends etc. And that girl is only 2 years older than me.

      • admin
        May 28, 2014 | 2:48 pm

        Well, then you found an answer right there. He is just jumping from girl to girl…

  20. Mari
    May 26, 2014 | 7:10 am

    Hi, so my boyfriend of 2 months and I broke up recently and we haven’t talked or contacted in any way for about a week now. I had a feeling we were going to break up because we didn’t communicate as much as we did in the beginning and he was always stressed about work. I understood he was stressed because I have my own problems too but he wasn’t putting as much effort as I was in the relationship. I would always initiate for us to go out on dates or out for dinner, and he’d never want to go because he’s “tired.” He brought up the point of us having to break up because he said I don’t think we’ll work out and you’re always nagging. I told him my honest feelings and that he hadn’t really shown he’d really care for me and other things. My point is, I really do miss him and as much as I want to know how he’s doing, I’ll stick to the NC rule. If he doesn’t contact me at all during NC, do you think it’s okay that I text him first ?

    • admin
      May 27, 2014 | 2:31 pm

      I wrote an article about what goes on in his mind if he doesn’t contact you during NC. You might want to check it out.

  21. Chantelle
    May 19, 2014 | 5:27 pm

    Me and my boyfriend broke up last week after a really stupid fight that I caused. I have been going through some health issues and sometimes lash out for no reason as a result of this he left in a really bad temper and then text me to say he’s done with me and never contact him again. Apart from this things are generally great with us but now he won’t talk to me at all and I’m really scared that this is it. The house feels empty without him and although he is not the cause of my happiness he does have a positive effect on it and now it just feels like something’s missing. Do you think he’ll ever come around and give it another try or should I just let it lie?

    • admin
      May 20, 2014 | 9:10 pm

      Where the two of you living together?

      • Chantelle
        May 21, 2014 | 8:38 am

        No but he stayed over a few days a week, he has clothes and things at the house and he had a really good relationship with my daughter so this is all very hard to deal with :(

  22. La Menefee
    May 19, 2014 | 2:31 am

    I met my HEART in Nov 2012, we messaged eachother, learned that we shared simple compatibalities and like the same things , the communication was great. He’s in the Military,at the time he was out to sea , He asked me “If I could handle it” and I answered “Yes” he would leave every month for training we emailed everyday …the training was for 1-2 weeks every month for 7-8 months… we became closer as time passed, feelings and emotions got involved I fell in love with him …. Deployment came he left for 9-10 months ..he expressed he loved me …it was hard I was emotionally and mentally stressed, by the distance, couldnt sleep but we made it to Homemcoming I was nervous… when I first saw him I was more sad than happy, I cried, I hated that he left me …. 9-10 months w/o your loved one gets to you I had a whole in my heart … He came home, I was in pieces, he seen it and didn’t like it …we spent the whole day shopping , that didnt make me feel better…later that nite we went to dinner …he proposed… I said “yes” I was shocked…. while he was gone we had a convo about getting matching piercings… I got mines a month before he came home and he knew, I sent him pics… body piercings are painful..I took them out after he came home. Over the days he was soo busy with his car, and one day he asked “Am I going to see those piercings?” ..I said “yes I have to put them back in” He got upset, came home I tried to show him and he wouldn’t talk, later that night we had a argument , said careless, hurtful words…no domestic voilence or infedility in our relationship then things ended he asked for the ring back, he was sooo mad at me, Idk what to do … I cried my heart out for days … One day i texted him and expressed how I felt he didnt reply right then but when he replied I learned he was very hurt, upset things happened like that . Days later for atleast two weeks we texted had good convos, he showed signs of wanting to change things but still expressed he was hurt …. then we became intimate one day, it was romantic … Now I’m trying to make things work.. but don’t know how. No I’m not afraid that we wont get back together ….. I don’t want him back bc I may lose him … we been together for almost two yrs … what we have is worth is … much more than ending when we can communicate and reconcile.

    • admin
      May 20, 2014 | 9:06 pm

      What was the reason behind the breakup?

      • La Menefee
        June 13, 2014 | 1:46 am

        We had ups and downs bc of me .. I never saw the big pictire of why things happened. Our relationship reminded him of his past relationships … stressful

        UPDATE : after our intimate moment I become overwhelmed with my emotions started texting and calling ALL THE TIME … I kept tabs on him ..he never replied, then one day he texted me saying he regrets ever proposing to me , it was a mistake , he didnt want to be with me , he didnt want me in his life, we couldn’t fix our relationship ..he moved on, didnt look at me the same ..I cried my heart out for days and days …one day i was tired of the tears so i deleted his number, pics anything that reminded me of him .. and let go.

        UPDATE : We had NO CONTACT for over a month and some days now … In this time I been working on myself mentally ,emotionally and physically to grow … I been doing great, focusing on me … A few days ago I left my phone in, went for a walk and as i was coming in, i walked passed my phone, it vibrated & a text had shown up from a unknown # I didnt recognize… I checked it after a few mins, it stated ” Hey I kno u prolly think I was harsh on u..but dats something I didn’t wanna do but u drove me hope u ok and still tryna work on u..” I re read it a few times and realized it was him, I had no idea he still had my number, thought he would have erased it … and it is definitely shocking & unexpected to hear from him .

  23. jess
    May 6, 2014 | 1:08 pm

    well me and my boyfriend was together for nearly 2 years we are both young but i know that doesnt matter he ment the world to me and i never thought i would like him in that way, we was with each other every day i thought id get bored but i never did he made me smile all the time i actually loved him but he was living with his aunty for a while as his mum didnt want anything to do with him but his aunty starting being very nasty with him so they told him he couldnt live there anymore which upset me because he cared about his aunty loads anyway so he stayed with me for a while but i live with my step mum so he couldnt stay for much long so he asked his mate if he could stay there i didnt mind because i new he would be alright there but the day after he didnt come round i new that something was wrong so i went round to his mate his house and he wouldnt come to the door so we broke up but then we got back together because i found out that i was pregant but i lost the baby then a few weeks later he broke up with me again so i have been trying to move on it has been 3 months now and i still miss him loads and i still want him back what should i do. sorry i no its long:)

  24. vaani
    April 28, 2014 | 9:21 am

    we had a relationship for almost an year..we were serious.he loved me alot in the starting..he cared alot.we had alot between us.
    but i was quite a possessive partner.i kept on asking who he was talking to…i used to get upset ..n wanted him to lessen his talks to his friends who are girls.not that he talked to them often..but like 15 20 minutes a day…he never gave me a chance to think that he was cheating on me.but for him i was the reason behind him losing some friends.he on the ither hand wasnt possessive at all.
    in an year…it was like 6 months love..and the rest 6 months fights.
    when he broke up,he said multiple things…that breaking up is better than fighting daily..over the same issue.that he doesn’t love me anymore.etc..
    but for never ended.i begged him to stay…he said its not gonna happen
    he wanted to remain friends.but i refused thinking that he’d never get back into a relationship after becoming friends.because he is still friends with his ex’s so i thought it’d be futile.after two three times of approaching to me as friends only,and after i didn’t pay any attention to this,he stopped his efforts to be back as friends even.
    he said he is at peace now.and there’s no way i can have him back.he doesn’t want any relations now.he wants to stay alone.
    i want him back.because i love him.we fight.but i don’t wanna lose him.ever.
    three months have passed but i still love him.alot.we’re in the same section.i come across him daily.i cry daily..even after three months.
    i want him back.
    he’s a practical person.people say he doesn’t care anymore.i will always care.
    please help.i really do love him.even if i fight,even if his talking to girls doesnt appeal to me…yet…m ready to accept him the way he is.even if i fight,i still never would wanna end us.
    but he won’t listen.
    we are not talking since 3 months now. :’(
    please help .m very very upset n broken.
    and pls don’t ask me to forget him.i don’t want to.
    i love him,if u understand :’(

    • jess
      May 6, 2014 | 1:17 pm

      hiya i now how you feel i havnt been with my boyfriend 3 months now and its killing me i cry all the time mostly everyday but he couldnt care less he really did love me but is weird people all the time tell me to forget him but how can you forget someone you love so really we are on the same page but listen, some lads are nice when there in a reltionship but when they are with there mates and have broken up with you they want to prove a point and it is going to be hard its hard for me but have to let it go trusted me if you really want him back then try to find someone else and go places you know he is going to be he will get jelous and then you have to see what happen. im sorry its not much help but just hold on it will get easier x

  25. Sandy
    April 23, 2014 | 4:42 pm

    Hello! I have read a whole lot on your website but I am curious about something.

    My boyfriend used the “It’s not you, it’s me” method after using another method and after I tried convincing him to stay.

    He said it was too painful for him to be with me because he sees he keeps hurting me and he can’t stand hurting the one he loves.

    Things I know:

    - He loves me
    - He doesn’t have a second girl
    - He is as miserable as me
    - He isn’t trying to contact me
    - He is crying a lot

    He’s the one that broke up and, with reflection and help from your website among others, I figured what went wrong and I think that, with the tension, it gave, as a result, a break up. But, I don’t think it was to the point of a break up.

    I’m a bit confused about what he is thinking.

    Two weeks before, he asked for a break but two days later, we were back together.

    I admit I made mistakes but I also admit that I think we are meant to be because of how happy we are together and our life goals.

    His birthday is soon so I was thinking sending him a heartfelt birthday card by mail (not in person since he probably needs space) asking him to be friends (because that is what he asked for after he left me) and then wait a month before contacting him.

    I figured plenty since the break up. It hasn’t been a while he broke it off. Not even a week. But without him, I distracted myself by looking for advice, getting myself in better shape, and do things I didn’t get the chance to do before. I realized I didn’t need him, but wanted him in my life. I realized why too. I just want to make sure that, with all my positive thinking and feelings if it will ever reach him considering our situation.

    We are high school sweethearts. He’s two years younger than me and we’ve been together a year and almost two months, but we were already thinking about getting married because we were just so much into each other.

    Before he broke up, I told him that no matter what he says next, I won’t give up on us because he is just that important to me.

    What else is there to do? Is there a possibility of a make up? What would you suggest?

    • admin
      April 24, 2014 | 3:58 pm

      Are you sure you buy the it’s not you its me excuse. Can you think of any other reason for the breakup?

  26. Anna
    April 23, 2014 | 2:42 am

    We dated for 3 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago. We lived together for 2 years with his dad and brother. We had two cats. He’s leaving for boot camp next month. We didn’t stop contact until today. I stopped it. He always texted me back. A lot of people say we will get back together eventually but he has to do the Marines on his own. Others say they have a gut feeling we work out.

    • admin
      April 23, 2014 | 4:03 pm

      How long will he be away at bootcamp.

  27. Addie Tint
    April 22, 2014 | 4:22 am

    I don’t even know how to start. I guess I want to first say thanks for putting up free info, and how much I am looking forward to buying your ebooks (although it may not be the smartest thing to spend my first paycheck on, living in a shelter) Everyone I know says I should get over him and find someone who will really appreciate me. Easier said than done. Same friends that don’t believe that he was only my 3rd boyfriend in my whole life( I’m 30) and the only guy to EVER ask me out, or tell me I was beautiful. He doesn’t fit any of the male profiles, he isn’t like anyone I ve ever met before. I am positive I have lost my soul mate. Will I die without him? No, but it would like having my leg amputated. I know we had an amazing year, and I only started noticing issues after that. Four days short of 16 months he sent me a 21 page text saying that we have too many differences. And that he had met someone else. Maybe she’s a great girl. Maybe it’s a rebound. But he spent all of the money we had been saving together for an apartment. And she’s unemployed. Lives with her parents. Now he does too, because he had been driving truck and sleeping in the rig, even on most of his off time so we could save faster to be together. Now on his offtime he lives with her. And her pparents. And her cousins. And get 6year old. And some kind of strange trailer park parties They have with face paint and hatchet men and Fago soda? Something about juggling? I know more then anything, he really wanted kids, and he told me that90% of the reason he broke up with me was because he thought I didn’t want kids. But if that was the case, now that he knows how much I wanted to start a family with him, he’d already be back……so, I started nc on 4/08. Any insight would be helpful.

  28. Carrie
    April 19, 2014 | 5:29 pm

    So my boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for two years. We started dating when I was in grade 12, and he was in grade 10, we had an amazing relationship, we did so many fun things together all the time (go mini golfing, go bowling, to dinner, for walks, car drives, played video games all the time) there was never a dull moment. When we were happy we were excellent; I always felt like one of those cheesy couples in a movie where people would think “I want to be in a relationship like them”… We were perfect. But I have a bad habit of getting mad easily, and taking things out on him, and he was so great when we would fight, and I was not very nice… This happened quite a few times, and about 2 weeks ago we had a huge fight and we broke up… But he said he still wanted to be friends because he still loved me so much, and he wants everything to stay the same except hugging, kissing etc. about a week and a half ago I really thought about who I am as a person, and I didn’t like what I thought about… It made me so sick.. So we went for a drive like we always do, and I apologized for everything I have ever done, and I told time that I want to change for me, and be the happy bubbly person I use to be. That made him so happy, but he said he would still like to be single. He said he just wants time for him for a little while and that he would love to date later on… I really care about him and it’s kind of tearing me apart not being with him.. My only issue is that we have been hanging out because he is my best friend.. But I want to be more, and it’s really obvious that he loves me because he hugs me and puts his arm around me and almost kisses me… And we both know were perfect together… I am really trying to focus on me and fixing my problems,.. I am also very close with his family (due to me having a not so great home life) so I’m not too sure what steps to really take.. I’m going a little crazy… But I’ve been very good at minimum texting etc. help? :) I would really love to get him back, he is also graduating this year and said he still very much wants me to be his date…

  29. Vikki
    April 19, 2014 | 2:46 pm

    Hi Chris, I met a wonderful man about 7months ago, started officially dating 2 months ago. Great relationship. He is in military and works a lot of hours. He is 30 and I’m 44. Age never was an issue. We went out many times, until recently. During week I hardly see him due to his work. Weekends he took time in mornings to do his own things, which was fine and wouldn’t get call from him only text. I would ask if we were going to do something later on, and he said he wanted to just relax. Sunday would be a day for him to do laundry and clean up. So I wouldn’t see him either. I’m doing schooling online and working. Suddenly that became an issue about two weeks ago. That he doesn’t feel security with me because I don’t make $$$ like him. That my drive suppose ably is diff than his. Which made no sense to me at all. I kept asking questions and his reply was well we are not in same page in life. And he said we are done. I asked if we could talk, because it wanted some answers and he stopped texting.
    I feel horrible because I always put him first, treated him with respect and this is what I get?
    Please advise me on what to do.
    Heart broken…

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 3:41 am

      First off, I am so sorry about the breakup.

      I know how incredibly hard it can be.

      I am going to ask you a really hard question but I think its important for me to be up front with you if you want to get to the truth.

      He is 30 and you are 44. You say that the age was never an issue and to you it wasnt but to him maybe it was. What kind of future do you think he saw with you?

      Not trying to poke at any insecurities at all I am just trying to get you to think like him for a moment as it may give you some insight into how to approach the situation with him.

  30. Just need some advice
    April 16, 2014 | 5:01 pm

    It been three months since my ex broke up with me. When I would call him and ask him to hang out he would agree, the last time we hang out text me saying that he was overwhelmed and he wants to me single for some years. I did the no contact for 30 days during that time he contact me but I did not respond. after the NC I send him a text but he didn’t respond. I call but then hang he call back we talk for a while but the phone cut out. couples days later he text me and I didn’t respond. I text and call him a day later he not responding. I am so confuse can you please give me some advice

    • admin
      April 18, 2014 | 3:21 pm

      Wait, he said he wants you to be single or years? He said that?

      • Just need some advice
        April 23, 2014 | 7:37 pm

        sorry mistype He said that he wants to be single for some years

        • admin
          April 24, 2014 | 4:02 pm

          Do you believe that?

          I don’t.

  31. mgm
    April 16, 2014 | 3:12 pm

    Please help. Desperate. My first love and I reconnected after 30+ years. We now been together for 4 yrs. He broke it off 3 weeks ago. We both love each other and always will. Were in our late 40′s. I want to say in the last 6 months I became clingy and he says I smothered him. We been together almost everyday for the 4 yrs together. He has mentioned how he wanted space and I panic.. so I became even more clingy after hearing he wanted space. I never gave him the space he wanted. I do admit now I was clingy n how I smothered him. I pushed him to the edge. He said his body is so numb and he dont care about nothing at all. Few days ago we met for the first time and he still dont want a relationship. He did give me kiss hello and complimented how I look. He also admitted he missed me. We did not live together but he still has some of my good clothes at his house and I still have his house key. So I been keeping a positive attitude that hope maybe another month or so we can slowly get through this. Please mostly asking men out there to please tell me something? Will there ever be a chance my first love will get over how I smothered him and being clingy and consider taking me back? I am seeking help for my self. I love and miss him so much. Please help with any advice… thanks.

  32. Christine
    April 13, 2014 | 9:24 pm

    Hi! I read your website, and really liked it. It helped me a lot to calm down my emotions and think my break up through. I would like to explain to you my situation, and see if you can advice me on how to proceed.

    My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for about a year and things were going great. We are both divorced, in our 40′s, with pre-ten girls. We have the same faith, the same morals, the same values and the same goals in life. We built some great memories for us and the girls this last year.

    Everything was going smoothly until beginning of this year when we started talking about getting engaged and moving in together. All of a sudden, his daughter became very jealous of my daughter and I, she started having problems at school(grades and behavior) and started lying like crazy. Three out of 4 things she would say were exaggerations and/or lies. The excuse was that she was just seeking attention.

    All his issues with his daughter started bothering me a lot, especially all the lies, and I started to become very annoyed and critical of her behavior, instead of being understanding and supportive. So, three weekends ago we had a huge argument/fight about his daughter, how he is dealing with all her issues, and how his ex-wife is not taking any responsibility at all for it. I was very angry and emotional and, impulsively, said that I couldn’t stand his daughter’s lies anymore and that it was over. I left his house and left the key he has given me under the rug.

    This was on a Sunday night. On Tuesday I texted him in the morning saying that I had calmed down, thought things through, that I was selfish and immature during our fight, that I said things I didn’t mean to say, that I was really sorry, and that I would like to meet him for us to talk, as our relationship couldn’t end like this. He replied back, but he was really hurt and upset. He said that he was burned out about how the way my relationship with his daughter was going, and that he had lost faith in our love. He said that there was no way back, zero chance of us getting back together.

    I got desperate, and started exchanging some more texts with him basically blaming myself 100% for the break up, asking forgiveness and asking him to give me a second change, but he kept saying it was over, no second chances, etc. I finally said “OK, if that’s what you want, I will respect your decision. Don’t worry, you will not hear back from me anymore.” The last text I sent him was a little over 2 weeks ago.

    My questions to you are: first how can he go from one day saying that I was the love of his life, that he couldn’t wait to get married to me, etc to breaking up with me after our first fight? And not even wanting to give me a second chance? The only thing I can think of is that he probably never loved me at first place. Also, I have a lot of things at his house, as my daughter and I would spend the weekends there. I have our bikes, my dog’s pen, bed, toys, food, etc, plus a lot of other personal stuff. Should I contact him in order to arrange to stop by and pick up those things? Or should I wait until he contacts me about them? If a month goes by with NC, should my first contact be about getting my belongings out of his house? I’m sorry for all the questions, I’m just so hurt, and still not believe we broke up.

    Thanks! I appreciate your advice!

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:26 pm

      No you should do that before you go NC

  33. Kalley
    April 13, 2014 | 1:57 am

    Hi, Chris.
    I need a guy’s insight on my specific situation, but all my male friends just happen to be closer to my ex. I don’t want word getting back to him in case I end up sounding desperate (which I kind of am.) So I’m really hoping you can respond.

    About four days ago, my boyfriend of two years came home from college and work looking a little strange. I asked if he was okay, and he asked if I was happy. Ensue the enthusiastic Yes! Aren’t you? With a heavy sighed response of No. Apparently he’s been unhappy for quite awhile and we fight about little things too often. I tried to convince him we could fix it, he agreed that most of the time things are great, but in the end said it won’t work out. He then said he still loves me and agreed to see me in 7 days to discuss.

    Well. At the time I didn’t know of this website, so my no contact was short lived. Yesterday I texted him asking if he still wanted to see that movie we’d planned on and if not, that’s okay, I can get somebody else to go with me. He responded fairly quickly with “ya we can go see it together :) “. That’s still three days away ._.

    Please, please tell me if you think this means he’ll end up agreeing to work things out! He never said we broke up, he still loves me, our life goals are the same and we mesh perfectly. Currently I’m clinging onto the idea that since he used an emoticon, which is not so manly, that he is very happy we’re going to this movie and maybe it’ll be just like every other date night we’ve had. Quite the assumption, I know.

    Any insight / advice?

    • Kalley
      April 13, 2014 | 2:00 am

      I think I should add on that he’s planned very far ahead in our future for somebody so unhappy. Cage the Elephant concert tickets in May, kayaking trips, his family reunion over the summer, even getting an apartment together in the fall when he transfers to the U of M. Neither of us believes in marriage but he’s always talked about forever.

    • admin
      April 13, 2014 | 4:52 pm

      Hahaha its an emoticon.. don’t get overly excited about it but the fact of seeing the movie together is a good thing.

      • Kalley
        April 13, 2014 | 5:48 pm

        Well I’ve read your guides on what to do on a date with your ex and how to implement texting to get an ex back and a few others. Thanks to you, I’m feeling pretty positive and confident in my next steps. If things don’t work out, I can set the NC into motion and I might just end up moving on in the process. Thanks a bunch, Chris!

  34. Kiri
    April 9, 2014 | 9:07 pm

    My boyfriend and I were going out for 2 years, he says that he needs time but he is still texting me I am willing to give him time to. My birthday is in a couple of days and he has gotten me a present, I don’t know how to feel about it I love him so much and he is really confusing me. We broke up 3-4 weeks ago and I try not to text and call but it’s really hard. He says that he still cares about me and he doesn’t feel that it has to forever, but then when we talk he says he doesn’t know how he feel and that we might not be able to fix it I have talk about our problems and there is only its that we fight about small things and disagree. I am ment to be seeing him this week for my birthday and he we can talk about everything.

  35. tyanna
    April 8, 2014 | 6:44 pm

    my ex boyfriend and we are not get back to

  36. Ali
    March 26, 2014 | 1:54 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me recently. I thought everything was going fine, but apparently, it wasnt. He came out of nowhere and said he didn’t feel the same as he did a few weeks ago, and that he just wasnt having fun anymore. I cried for 3 days, and I practically begged for a second chance. After begging, he finally said okay, but later that night he texted me and said he just couldn’t do it. He said he couldn’t see us dating and didn’t want to get my hopes up. He said he still wants to be friends tho. I would avoid him, but unfortunately I have a class with him and we sit at the same table. I really want him back, and I feel hopeless right now. My heart breaks whenever I see him, and I just want him back before its too late..

  37. Kaylie
    March 25, 2014 | 8:43 pm

    Hi, so my boyfriend and I had been dating almost 7 months. He has had an awful past which has led to anger and trust issues. I finally convinced him to get help with this so he can really be happy. He broke up with me saying, “I do love you and want to be with you. I just can’t right now and maybe our paths will cross again.” I let him be for a bit but we talked and got in an argument and suddenly he said he never wanted to see me again, he didn’t want me anymore, and he was going to move on. Well, my best friend has talked to him and at first he sounded like he was very sad about it. We were very serious. Now he’s starting to say that he just wants to move on with his life. It’s been a week since we’ve talked/broke up and he hasn’t called or texted. I just want to talk things out but everyone says don’t, let him come to you. Is the NC rule what’s best?

    • admin
      March 26, 2014 | 5:09 pm

      At this point yes.

    • Cindy Dsouza
      March 27, 2014 | 5:32 am

      hi kaylie thisis cindy i wanted to know did the NC rule worked out

  38. Robyn
    March 20, 2014 | 9:43 pm

    Hey my ex broke up with me over a month ago we had no contact for 5 weeks and then i suddenly saw him on a bus journey and we decided to be friends. So he re added me on Facebook etc. Hes acting jealous with my guy mates and He was wanting to meet up with me but he kept making excuses at first even though it was him asking to meet up? it was like he was emotionally using me so i did 7 days no contact and he contacted me 5 days in asking me how i was etc and saying he isnt well atm and wants to meet up. I agreed to meet up with him so we did it felt strange but i tried to make him feel comfortable. He spoke about other girls hed been hanging out with and i got jealous and then further throughout the day i got upset and said i cant do the friend thing i cant watch him get with other girls. He said he wont do that hes not ready for that yet and he wants to be best friends with me he doesnt want to lose me again. He also admitted to me that he cried when i was ignoring him and being blunt with him. He wants to meet again next week but on messages hes being real blunt with me now since we met up.
    I dont have a clue what hes thinking or what hes planning. My best boy mate said that he thinks he is trying to keep me close as he still wants his freedom and once hes bored he will come flinging back to me. What do you suggest i should do now? i am really stuck :(

    • admin
      March 21, 2014 | 5:06 pm

      Your best boy mate is very smart. Thats exactly what hes doing which is why NC is perfect. Make a strong statement that you aren’t going to just wait around for him. He will regret it trust me.

  39. Marissa
    March 1, 2014 | 5:39 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago out of the blue. We had a great relationship and he was always honest with me about everything. He showed a great deal of respect and care for me. But after not contacting me for 2 days, he sends me a text saying that we need to talk. We meet up at my house and he drops the bomb. He says that the way that his life is headed, he does not see us being together. He didn’t really give a reason. He also said that he did not care as much as I did and that he made his decision and I can’t get him back. But again, he didn’t really give a reason. This just literally came out of nowhere. Whenever we were together he always showed a great deal of affection and care. His family knows me. We’ve hung out together with them at gatherings. The worst part of all is that we work in the same building and his brother is my supervisor. He wasn’t cruel or cold about the breakup at all. He was sweet and genuine but it still broke my heart. He says we can be friends but obviously, I’m writing you on this website because I want him back. I went 17 days without contact until I ran into him at work yesterday when I was trying my hardest to avoid him, and we both smiled and he said hi and asked how I was doing. I said “Fine” and kept walking because I didn’t want to risk any awkward moments. Later that day, I did text him because it was his mother’s birthday (she passed away 4 years ago) and I was concerned about his well being. Luckily his response was positive but I didn’t push my luck because I knew I broke the NC rule but I couldn’t help myself and I miss him dearly. In retrospect, I did have a lot of issues that I needed to work on (self esteem, confidence wasn’t all that great) and maybe he just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not so sure. He was wonderful and nurturing and although our relationship wasn’t perfect, it was something that I could say is worth fighting for. He said he didn’t want to lead me on into thinking that he wanted to continue in this relationship. He was saying all these things without telling me where they came from. It seemed to have been built up for a while and he couldn’t hold back anymore. But he never acted that way when we were together. He was funny, attentive and smart and wouldn’t ignore me. He would apologize whenever necessary and had no problem admitting he was wrong. Some of the things I’ve done with him and told him I’ve never done with any other man. This is why the breakup is confusing. There were no red flags or warning signs, maybe there were that I couldn’t see until it was too late.

  40. leah
    February 24, 2014 | 12:26 pm

    Hello. I really need help. Im a singlemom. I met this guy last year and weve been together since june 2013 until feb.20. During our first 3months, i already felt that he was serious on our relationship. However because of my past experiences with the father of my kid, i acted like an idiot at some point but i showed care and love. Mid november he and his mom experienced financial crisis and i felt like i really didnt do anything just to make him feel better or support him whatever theyve been through. After christmas, we have a huge fight and i just realized that he is starting to get cold and saying that he had enough and wanted to break up on me. I felt really bad. Then i got paranoid after. He asked for space on jan 4 and i felt too bad about it and i over-think things a lot. Comes to a point that i committed suicide at their place for 4 times. I really felt shame about it and regret that attempts. I talk to him and promised not to do it again however its like he is not interested anymore. I asked for another chance and i said i will make the most of it like giving him a surprise party on our monthsary. I didnt start an immature fights as well but what i did is to stick to him all the time. However, its like he is not happy anymore. I tried to talk to him many times. He said he appreciated all of my efforts however the anger that he felt on the father of my kid, his frustrations is really killing him. He always says that he wants to move on with our realationship and is willing to meet new people. He also added that its like he didnt feel the love anymore but only responsibility that if he will break up on me, ill do suicide again. On the bright side, he assured that he is happy with me but at the end of the day, he said that the right thing to do is to stop our relationship.Because of his reasons, i have the courage to left him without saying goodbye. After 2days he sent me a text message saying that we need to heal ourselves without the help of each other. On the last part of the message, he said goodbye. I didnt replied. Obviously, im here on your page and still wanting to have him back. Do you think that he will be back after i will follow your tactics? I am willing to do the NC rule..

  41. sandra
    February 21, 2014 | 11:29 am

    what if he broke up out of fear. He is an ex user (5 years clean) and has has 2 long term failed relationships where he got mind numbingly hurt. Abandoned by both women and his children abandoned. He was in love with me for sure, happy, compatible, didn’t fight, great sex, laughter etc etc. Just an awesome relationship. We both admitted it, although it was fast. Only a few months of fulltime contact.
    His kids, as a result are very bonded to me…they needed that too.
    As soon as his ex of 2 yrs previous piped up and made waves he kind of went into a depressive sadness, broke up with me citing that he wanted to have me in his life forever and to be platonic would be the only sustainable way.
    She really hurt him and his kids. They are not getting back together and he is still currently dealing with left over feelings about that relationship, the rejection and worthlessness feelings.

    so, he also cites that 90%+ junkies in recovery relapse after big breakups. She triggered him big time and he projected the implications onto our relationship. He texts me and wants to take the kids bike riding etc… he misses me, is attracted to me…but is so damned fearful of a romantic connection with me now. We got so close and it scared him half to death. He said he just couldn’t go further down that road when it ends so catastrophically. And he is all his kids have…= valid reasons really but not an absence of love, just an unwillingness to love deeply.

    How (and should) I implement no contact. I think he is trying to wean himself off me romantically.

    BTW. He is an outstanding person. 5 years in NA and raising his kids alone. He is a hero to me and my best friend.


    • sandra
      February 21, 2014 | 11:47 am

      Oh and he is pretty stoic with discipline due to being in NA so long. I fear he will just stick to his decision. He is likely to hook up with casual girls to fill that void, so to speak.
      He has demonstrated that he will text me first as I do not initiate and in the past he grieves the girls that got away for sure (healthy male ego there)… thanks

      • sandra
        February 23, 2014 | 1:30 pm

        please Chris could you delete my posts. I need to keep my situation private.

        • admin
          February 24, 2014 | 6:03 pm

          Ok, Ill try my best.

  42. Claudia
    February 19, 2014 | 9:15 am

    My boyfriend just gave us a time so he can think and or erasure his feelings for me, yesterday he told me we needed to break up, he was so mad, today I made another huge mistake and went to his parents house to give him a huge letter apologizing ( when we started dating I didn’t really show him affect I was scared to break up with him just like now and being miserable he is the most hart warmed man I know and he took so much care of me even defending me and stuff, he did a lot for me and all I did was disrespect him using other boys to make him jealous, never go your with none of then but just tried to make him jealous) now the point is his family especially his mom thinks I’m a horrible person for disrespecting her son that much, it’s been 2 months since I made the change but I think it too late to treat him how he deserves it, we had this horrible fights and all I did was cry cry cry and he felt even worse, I don’t know what to do to make him believe that I truly love him and respect him, now everything’s seems to be falling apart and I feel so guilty I can’t handle this anymore, I just want to know, that know that he told me “well Claudia let’s make time goes by and see what happens” but I know eh kind of means ” let me have the courage I need to break up definatlly with you”, I don’t know what to do anymore we spend so much time together in this and now even his family hates me, I have had so much happiness and so do him, but everything seemed so good to be true, we both were scared I just don’t want to hurt him anymore, I want him to be happy, but without hating me, I just messed up something really important and I know no ones gonna love and treat me that we’ll and I don’t even see me dating someone else, he triggered me by saying that this will make him see if I really love him, what do I do? Please help me

    • admin
      February 19, 2014 | 7:27 pm

      Have you gon eNC yet?

  43. Lucy
    February 17, 2014 | 9:44 pm

    Me and my boyfriend split up on Saturday and it always seems to be when drink is involved! We was out with are friends and he just left me and went home.He text half hour later and said it’s over but has done this many times and then gets in touch. He says it’s because we always argue but I wouldn’t say we do that much! It’s so hard not to text him but he really confuses me! what should I do? I have not spoke to him for a day now.

    • admin
      February 18, 2014 | 7:02 pm

      Are you through with the NC yet?

  44. Michelle
    February 16, 2014 | 9:29 am

    I started nc again but I feel like he left me because he cheated on me. I checked his snapchat profile thing and it said his best friend is some girl. He told me that none of his friends talk to him anymore and haven’t for a while and blah blah. So he left me for another girl didnt he… How can I get him back? I don’t know how long he’s been speaking to this other girl or what he’s doing behind my back because it’s a ldr. He always seemed so honest and sincere when I saw him in person though, like he was compeltly in love with me and tjat was only 3 weeks ago. 2 days before the breakup he told me he could never stop loving me even if he wanted to.I hope this is just a rebound relationship. I want to talk to her and find out if they have anything but I don’t know if I should. I just want him back so bad but now I’m not sure if I have a chance. She could be some girl that’s with him in person and it’ll probably be better for him than having to travel to come see me.. But we were together for 2 years and 3 months he bought me an expensive promise ring why would he move on so quickly? I don’t even know what to do. I don’t think if I do nc he’ll want me back he’s got some other girl now I guess..

  45. Jessica
    February 15, 2014 | 11:21 pm

    Hey my boyfriend broke up with me recently and it has taken a huge toll on me. I know I’ve changed over the years we’ve been together. I’ve became paranoid with insecurities. And that’s the reason why we broke up recently, and he says he’s done with relationships and he don’t want me back but then his answer changed to a maybe we might get back together in the future but not right now. I still feel very unconfident. We was together for 4 years a valentines day was supposed to be our anniversary. And I really need some advice to getting him back…

    • admin
      February 16, 2014 | 6:12 pm

      Have you attempted NC rule at all yet?

  46. Nathalie
    February 15, 2014 | 6:40 am

    It’s been 3 weeks now we’ve broke up. We were together for 16months and he thought about our relationship a month and a half before our breakup. He’s a gamer and has a big ego, he knows it and he’s trying to change that. I brought stupid fights because he would ignore me and sometimes i would get jealous because he’d ditch me to go with his friends. We got too comfortable in our relationship. We talked about it and i agreed to this decision and stay friends. During the first week after our break up, we would talk to each other like we were friends again but after that week, he would stop talking to much little by little and he said i was too clingy. So i gave him some space and i would ask him if he was doing fine in his studies/life because he was in depression when he was young and i’m worried for that. We saw each other 2times after our break up to go watch a movie with some friends and I noticed that he was trying to do some eye contact with me. I’ve been closer/hanging out with his friends and he’s been closer with a girl that he was already close with when we were dating but i know that he used to have a crush on her before we were dating. I talked to him after a few days after for a job that he needed. But today, my friend told me that he is happy for me that i’m not sad or down. He doesn’t mind that we stay friends but i want to talk to him but i don’t want him to feel that i’m being too clingy.. I thought i’ve moved on after two weeks but i’ve been thinking about him two days ago. I’d like to win his heart back because i’ve been in so much struggles and he was there and fought for me. There’s no other guy like him that can understand me. All our friends were shocked that we broke up because we seemed like a perfect couple. If he had any problems or need money for something important, i’ll go right away to see him and be there for him. Because he’s younger than me and i’m more mature than him, people say that he’s still just a child. But i showed them that he isn’t and defended him. I don’t know if it’s too late to win him back or i still have that chance. my friend (the girl who’s close with him) said that he told her that he’s a guy who moves on fast. i don’t know if they still talk but she’s getting annoyed that he’s always talking to her. It seems that he moved on.. Should i do the steps? I saw the video on youtube about the cruciel steps and it seems a good idea but since i’ve talk to him after our break up and saw him 2-3times, i don’t know if it will still work.. I’ll try anything to win him back. Please help me..

    • Nathalie
      February 15, 2014 | 6:44 am

      And one thing i forgot, i’m taking most of the blame of our breakup because i’m the one who was stubburn, jealous, immature and brought the stupid/useless problems and i would react without thinking about it when i’m mad/pissed

    • admin
      February 15, 2014 | 6:24 pm

      Well, have you started NC?

  47. Liz
    February 13, 2014 | 4:03 am

    I know I’ve been all over the place on your guides. But I’ve just realized something that, well let’s face it I’ve always known but only now can voice, I was emotionally abusive. Do I even have a right to try to win him back? Do I have a right to be his friend? I really hurt him. He put up with months of it and warned me constantly that I needed to change and I said I would and then I’d slip up again. I had no right to be emotionally abusive, he was a great boyfriend. He was amazing. It was me who was messed up. I needed to work on myself. I’m thinking now, is it better for me to stop being his friend, and let him go so he can truly be happy, no matter how much it hurts me?

    • admin
      February 14, 2014 | 3:03 am

      What do you think? Really the truth is you know you better than I know you so I can’t tell you what to do when it comes to this.

      • Liz
        February 14, 2014 | 6:43 am

        I think I have to reverse a lot of my thinking that goes back many years. I still need to work on myself quite a bit in order not to let that behavior or mindset to occur again whether with my ex (if I somehow win him back) or in the future with someone new. I’m slowly but surely forgiving myself and I hope I can manage to change that behavior. Maybe then I have hope of winning him back, but he has made it clear that he’s happier now and that we should just be friends. The fact that he was crying while saying this and very emotional to the point that he wanted to leave my presence, shows to me that I did hurt him a lot. I don’t want to hurt someone like this ever again. I was emotionally abusive in that I was possessive, jealous and tried to isolate him and it was wrong of me. I was consumed with fear of losing him and that fear made it a reality. I’m going to stay his friend for as long as I can and who knows what the future holds, but for now I’ve gotta take it a day at a time. I truly appreciate your help every time you’ve answered my questions and your guides have been extremely helpful. Thank you so much Chris.

  48. Bobbi
    February 6, 2014 | 12:07 am

    I just lost my boyfriend. We were together for over 2 and a half years and he left me Monday night. We were in a long distance relationship so I was always a little weary about him. I’d always ask him if he was cheating or doing things that would hurt me. I took it too far one day and he left me. We did it over Skype and we were both balling our eyes out. The next day, I was a titch crazy and was trying to get him back by texting and calling and trying to get his attention, but it only made him mad and he told me that we’re not getting back together, to move on and to give him space. Our relationship was so special, and we were so in love that anyone could see it. We had big plans as soon as I got out of school and he told me everyday that he would wait for me. I messed up so bad and I just want to make things right and get him back. He’s my other half and I know what I was his. I’ve realized what I’ve done wrong and why he left me and I would do anything to make it right and to mend things up with him, I just dont know what to do. I need my soulmate back.

    • admin
      February 6, 2014 | 5:43 pm

      Have you read my page on LDR?

      • Bobbi
        February 8, 2014 | 5:17 pm

        Yes I have.

  49. Rachel
    February 4, 2014 | 10:11 pm

    My boyfriend and me were together for 10 months.
    The weekend before new years eve he had a break down and i wasnt awake to hear it so he went to his friend Carrie to talk to her instead. After i found that out i was really upset cause he wouldnt talk to me. Then monday he said we needed a break cause i was so upset cause i didnt understand what was going on. Me being stupid i freaked out over the thought of a break. Ater 5 days of not speaking to each other at all he said he couldnt be with me. We just couldnt be together. When we brokeup together in person he said he couldnt be with me he just couldnt and i tried to get him to explain and he wouldnt. He said he really hopes in the future that we could be together when our lives were straightened out. I said i didnt know where i would be then and he said he would find me. He said we could be friends eventually. He’s deleted all our pictures together and we dont speak at all really. He recently has started liking my pictures on my instagram and its starting to upset me. Should i move on or not. I was his longest girlfriend we fought at times but we usually pushed through it. This breakup happened so fast and we were together for so long, I just dont understand how he could throw it away if he “loved” me so much. He’s a senior in highschool and im in my first year of college. His parents just divorced and i dont know anything about it really. He doesnt talk he keeps alot bottled in. Im afraid i hurt him so badly he pushed me away.
    Idk what to do.
    I want to move on and be happy but i loved him so much and every thing and every place i go i remember him. It really fucking sucks, cause i thought he was perfect and that we were happy. Then everything came crashing down so fast. Im left here alone. He talks to my friends and all of his friends deleted me and wont speak to me. Idk what to do. It feels like this all is my fault.

  50. Ashley
    February 4, 2014 | 8:37 pm

    Hi everyone my bf just broke up with me sat. we have been together almost a year the 14th of feb would have made it a year…but any ways we never fight n we were really happy everything was going great we got along, we never fought it was perfict to me then i stared a new job and i had been coming home cranky well that sat morning i was telling him i didnt want our dogs on the bed any more and ask how we was going to fix it so it was no longer a problem. he yel n said y dont you move out…i was shocket and ask him in a clam maner n i had tears in my eyes he said since we got together he has felt like something was missing..i asked him y did you tell me you loved me, i told him when we frist started to date not to spar me my feelings just tell me the truth n he told me the reason y he never told me this is case he cared alot for me n that i was good to him n he didnt want to hurt me. he had said that it had been more n more on his mind this past week. so the problem is we live together so i packed some clothes n went to my sisters for a week i am on day 2 of NC just trying to heal n give us both space in time. i had plan on going back home ether friday or sat to sit n talk. what should i do. this was out of the blue n it hurt sooo much. i do love him n miss him alot but idk what to do n if i should have any hope of us getting back together. so for now i have been hitting the gym with my sister n focuing on my new job. so what should i do??

    • admin
      February 5, 2014 | 6:35 pm

      Just keep doing what you are doing during NC! Keep improving and evolving.

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

five − 2 =

Trackback URL