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1,328 thoughts on “He Broke Up With You And Now You Want Him Back”

  1. Danielle

    July 31, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    i was going out with ex for a year and a half. my bf broke up with me a month ago. we spoke 2 times during this break up. He broke up with me because during the last 2 months of the relationship I got clingy. The reason I got clingy was because I was going through a lot of personal problems and stress because of school. We also couldnt see each other much because we’re both in med school. This brought on insecurities and so i became clingy as a way to gain control. i would get into arguments with him because i wanted him to see me more (i wanted him to give up an extracurricular) but i know this wasnt fair of me to ask. when i last talked to him a few days ago, I told him that i wanted to get back together and that i wanted a chance to prove to him that i myself am not clingy…it was just the stress. i told him i didnt want to lose him because of a mistake i made. he understood that it was brought on by stress but he doesnt want to get back together because he felt really hurt. he says he loves me immensely but he wants to move on without me in his life. he wants to feel happy by himself again. Once he heals, he hopes to want to give it another try but he isn’t sure. He said hes just being cautious. he wants me to heal too and not to wait for him. he wants me to also learn to be happy by myself. i know what i need to do to change now…and its by taking better care of myself…being positive and self motivating and giving myself “me” time. it isnt fair to just demand more time of him when he doesnt have it. is there anything i can do to change his mind?

    1. admin

      August 1, 2013 at 5:32 am

      For now, just give him his time via a NC Rule and make sure you improve yourself during that time.

    2. Danielle

      August 1, 2013 at 12:34 pm

      i will. he told me he would talk to me at the end of summer or during the semester. he’s just not ready to talk to me yet.
      when we talk, should i mention that i was working on myself or should i just have a normal conversation?

    3. admin

      August 1, 2013 at 7:06 pm

      Don’t mention you were working on yourself. It just needs to show naturally.

    4. Danielle

      September 1, 2013 at 11:35 pm

      idk sometimes i feel like i’m way out of my head in thinking he would want to get back together in the future. we are each others first love but i guess im just scared he might just consider me a good friend in the end. we’ve been through too much for me to just consider him a friend :/

    5. admin

      September 2, 2013 at 2:47 am

      Chances are, if you have been through as much as you say then he is not going to view you as “just a friend”

    6. Danielle

      September 1, 2013 at 2:33 pm

      I guess the only thing i could do is let time run its course and of course mature? Or is there something else i could do? I know we had potential but if we do get back together…i would want to approach it as a new relationship….one where we are more mature and could handle stressors better

    7. admin

      September 2, 2013 at 2:26 am

      For now let time go by and when the time comes for you to get back in touch hit all the right emotional buttons.

    8. Danielle

      September 1, 2013 at 12:09 am

      I should clarify that he said he felt selfish because he felt the break up was necessary bc he wasn’t doing well in school and bc the arguments we had were making him feel further stressed out. I felt the same way and in a way I appreciate the break up bc Its given me a chance to grow. We both love each other. We just didn’t know how to handle the stress of med school

    9. Danielle

      September 1, 2013 at 12:03 am

      So we ended up talking to each other because we kept on running into each other in school and it felt awkward. We talked about our summers and then he asked me how I was feeling. I told him I was doing okay. He said he was doing okay as well. He went on to say that he felt guilty breaking up with me because he said he felt he was being selfish. He recognized that we didn’t have a compatibility issue it was just inexperience. We both didn’t know how to handle the stress of school well. Hes not doing well in school. He said he still loves me and cares for me but right now isn’t the right time for a relationship. He was crying when he told me that. He would like to be friends but he doesnt know if it will happen because we both have feelings for each other, We both have hope this will work out in the future but of course we don’t know if this will happen. We both just need time to grow. What do you think of this scenario? Do you think this could work out?

    10. admin

      September 1, 2013 at 4:50 am

      I think it could. It sounds like both of you are very mature in how you are handling this.

    11. Danielle

      August 2, 2013 at 2:30 am

      I do want to get back with him because i do feel like this could work. he even said that whenever we spent time together it was really good…it was just when we didnt that it got bad (the arguments). He told me “i hope when things get better we could try things out again.” do u think he said that to be nice because he heard how upset i was or because it is something he does hope but he doesnt know bc hes being cautious?

    12. admin

      August 2, 2013 at 2:34 am

      I think maybe it was a little nice but I think there is some truth to it too. So, my answer is it’s a hybrid statement.

  2. Silvia

    July 30, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Why would my ex unfollow me on instagram but them keep me on facebook? Is it coincidental that it happened on the same day another guy started flirting with me on facebook and wrote on my wall? I know this sounds trivial but i find it weird….

    1. admin

      July 30, 2013 at 6:18 pm

      Coincidence, I think not!

    2. Silvia

      July 31, 2013 at 7:07 am

      But why delete me off instagram then and not off facebook if he was bothered by the other guy’s facebook comment? Is it because he still wants to stalk me on facebook where he can read my wall but wanted to get a reaction out of me by unfollowing on instagram as it’s ‘less of a deal’…it’s kinda childish dont you think to just do one and not both?

    3. admin

      August 1, 2013 at 5:03 am

      Hahaha I think all of us (men in general) are childish. I still do some idiotic stuff. So, I am going to agree with you that he wants to still stalk you on Facebook. Have you read the page on Facebook on my site?

    4. Silvia

      August 5, 2013 at 10:03 am

      How should I try and get him to talk to me?

    5. admin

      August 6, 2013 at 3:10 am

    6. Silvia

      August 4, 2013 at 10:58 am

      Haha yeah I guess I thought wrong. I dont understand how wanting to hurt me means he cares…? That is sick…Isn’t breaking up with me enough for hurt to cause?!

    7. admin

      August 5, 2013 at 3:18 am

      Yea, unfortunately we don’t think that way.

    8. Silvia

      August 3, 2013 at 10:33 am

      Then why not talk to me then instead of these childish acts? Do you think he wants to talk to me or just ‘hurt’ my feelings by ‘de-friending’ me…??

    9. admin

      August 4, 2013 at 2:41 am

      I find it funny you think men are mature. Hahaha we are as childish as they come.

      I think he wants to hurt your feelings. But thats not a bad thing. It means he does care about you on some sick level.

    10. Silvia

      August 1, 2013 at 9:53 am

      He always was a massive cry baby haha. I didnt retaliate by unfollowing him so I hope he feels like a fool! In fact if this was a of getting my attention in a subtle way do you think its bothered him that I haven’t reacted? Or could he just be playing games for his sense of self worth? Yeah I have read that page but since that unfollowing incident I havent seen him do anything except he always seems to be active when it happens. Why would other guys talking to me bother him if he broke up with me and doesnt talk to me?

    11. admin

      August 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      He will always care about you so the thought of you being with another guy probably drives him crazy

  3. J

    July 29, 2013 at 5:34 pm


    A long one here.

    My ex and I broke up in January after 2 years or so of relationship, including him telling me he wanted to marry me, and spend the rest of his life with me. His reason for breaking up: it was the wrong time and he wasnt sure it was right, but he would always love me. He said he didnt want to close the door and his ideal was to get back in a year’s time. I was going through some bad things at the time so i think i was generally a terror to be around.

    In the interim he normally texts me every 4 – 6 weeks or so about something silly. i.e. it took him 4 months to give me back my stuff, so he was holding out on that, and he often asks about me through friends. We also got together once (when i went round to actually get my stuff) and he kept saying that he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now (eenthough i agreed with him) it was almost to the point he was convincing himself.

    Recently he has started texting me again, this time it was for the ridiculous reason that i apparently’s had one of his dvds from a box set. He asked friends whenther he should contact me and they said no, as it was clearly a transparent reason. I politely said no (i have now discovered i actually do have it), and he continued to ask me about my life etc. I then stop replying and he texts me at 1am saying he wanted to keep talking to me and wanted to be friends.

    Where do i go from here? Is he just playing me because i havent been biting?


    1. admin

      July 30, 2013 at 2:08 am

      I don’t know. He held on to your stuff a long time. He may be legitimate.

      What does your gut tell you?

      I think your next step should be creating attraction and getting a one on one date.

    2. J

      July 30, 2013 at 7:56 am

      My gut tells me that it would be odd to be friends this soon, i would want more than that. And i think he is texting because he misses me.

      How do I create attraction, through the texting process?

    3. admin

      July 30, 2013 at 6:09 pm

      Think about all the intense moments you had together throughout your relationship. Moments where you know for a fact that he enjoyed himself.

      You slowly slowly slowly build up to a place where you are both comfortable for you to be able to slip a meontion of the moments in.

  4. Amanda

    July 28, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2-3 days ago, after being together for 3 years, 9 months. We had a big fight over him spending money on something. We have frequent fights about things like that but they only escalate to that level once or twice a year max. He had broken up with me several times during our first year together but he always came back on his own. He has talked about breaking up, and our relationship not working on many different occasions. He has also talked about things like marriage, kids, and how he would probably kill me before ever breaking up with me because he loves me so much. We have already put a nonrefundable deposit down in May to get a dog in October, during the break up, he said that this was his “last effort” to make things work, something to tie us together. He said “This has to happen now, we can’t keep putting it off, if not now, it is only a matter of time, weeks or months, nothing is changing” We both come from very dysfunctional families, him more than me, so we know what a healthy relationship is but we have only ever been around unhealthy relationships. He told me that he is done, he just can’t do it anymore. He said he loves me but that our relationship has reached a dead end and he needs to start on a new path and so do I, he says that I will be fine and that I will do much better without him holding me back, within a few months i’ll be on my feet and doing better than ever before. He said that he doesn’t want me out of his life and that we can still be friends (Maybe he is just saying this to make me feel better?) but he needs to find himself, he has no idea who he is and has never been single for more than a month or two (We are 11 months apart, i’m 24, he is 25) When we met, it wasn’t the best of circumstances either, I had been single for about six months but it was only a month or so for him. Also, he has mental problems with anxiety, and addictive personality (No major addictions) but it does consume much of his life and I have trouble reacting positively after this long with it. He has been working with a psychologist for 3 years for these deep rooted issues. Both of us have issues with codependency also, and I have been way too naggy, complaining, controlling, and not understanding towards him for quite a while now and I think that is the biggest thing he is thinking when he says “I am done, I can’t do this anymore.” Throughout the relationship we have made a ton of good memories but we have had almost as many bad ones. I always try to control his problems and addictions and put him down when he fails instead of being positive support (not intentionally), he has told everything I am doing wrong many times before and he has told me “if this doesn’t change, we’re not going to make it. Please get help and we can get through this.”(with codependency, etc) He says that he has thought about breaking up with me many times before and that he thinks we are not compatible and also that he never wants to hurt me. I asked him if he thought we would be able to get back together, he said that he doesnt know and that things would have to be very different, we could not continue as the people we are now. He also said he needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life first, he said “who knows, I could be living across the country by next year. I dont know how long its going to take me to find myself and figure out who I am, it could be 5 years.” During the entire time we were a couple, we were almost never apart, very codependent, and we did not have healthy social lives or friends of our own. I thought that a lot of our problem was that we spent way too much time together and also that our money was combined so I was always worried about what he was spending, and he was always asking permission before he spent any money on anything basically. Is there any chance that we can start a new relationship, would he even want to, would it last? Can we build a new, healthy start if we work on ourselves for a little while? Do we need no contact during that time? As of right now, the huge fight was Thursday night, he broke up with me Friday afternoon at his therapy session, confirming everything from the night before (He told me that he didnt decide it was definitely the end until an hour before his therapy session when he was sitting home waiting for me to pick him up for appt. but he had been thinking about it) He ended up going out for a few hours after the therapy and got drunk with his friend, came home and talked to me about it for a while, remaining very clear in his intention to end the relationship, he asked me if I wanted to have break up sex, one last hoorah. It was difficult, but I declined. He slept in the spare bedroom. The next day, he came over after work and we talked for a while and he gathered the rest of his things and we had a few drinks, then I gave him a ride with all of his things to his friends where he would be staying (I gave him a ride there because we have been sharing 1 vehicle, and he left around 10pm but it was only that late because its when his friend was getting out of work.) He just has to get away from me, se says. He has been pretty depressed also for the last month or so but we still did fun things like kayaking during that time but I have been feeling a lot of resentment from him and I know that he has felt stagnant in the relationship for a while. Up until a year or so ago, he would always say nice things to me and call me beautiful, etc. Up until the break up, he always tells me that he loves me, and he always gives me hugs and kisses. I just feel like I have messed up big time and I should have been listening to him all along. I feel like if I would have just taken him seriously and listened that I would have gotten counseling on how to have a healthy relationship and we would have been fine and we could have formed our own separate lives and worked towards a healthy relationship. That is no longer even an option. He still has some things in our apartment that he will have to get eventually and when I left him at his friends, we hugged (He didnt want to because he thought it would make it harder for me) and he said ill see you Wednesday to get my paycheck from our account and take my name off. I have not contacted him at all since I dropped him off but it has been very difficult. I am going to try no contact until Wednesday when we have to meet at the bank. Should I do anything specific on that day when I see him? What should happen after that? Should I tell him that I am going to want him back? Should I tell him we cant be friends for a while and we just need some space? What do I say? I do not want to lose him, I can’t explain the energy/connection that I feel to him, I cant see it as a dead end like he says it it. I know we couldnt go back to our relationship but with the information i’ve provided, do you think it is possible for us to have a new, healthy relationship. I thought that I was going to marry this man and have his children and although I do see that I was blind/not listening all of this time…I just feel that this man is supposed to be a part of my life journey, forever, he has no expiration date in my life. He knows me better than anyone, ever, and he always knows just the right things to say. Also, I have trust issues and I have been cheated on by old boyfriends and I really have no trust issues with him, I have never lied to him and he has been the most honest and kind hearted person ive ever met. If this is really the end, I need to know! I have read through your whole website! Is there such a thing as starting new with a past like ours? Is there really such a thing as incompatibility? I am very sorry that this is so long but I really need your help and I dont know what to do!! I love him so much. I realize now that what he did was very necessary, as I was unresponsive to his exhaustive requests for changes in behavior, but is it too late, is he really moving on with his life? Also, with the way I have been, I have also not been accepting of him as a person, I have tried changing him and I have tried keep
    ing him away from friends that he used to have (out of fear), but I really do love, accept, and respect the person that he is. PLEASE HELP ME!!

    1. Amanda

      July 29, 2013 at 10:43 pm

      Sorry to add to this but…I ended up seeing my ex today, after arguments through text because I could not give him money (we haven’t separated our account yet, but do not have money anyways) I gave him $50 at 10PM Saturday night when I left him at his temporary residence. It was gone by this morning. Also, he was supposed to have a therapy appointment this morning and he just didn’t go to it, he slept in instead. (He can never sleep past 7AM and the appt wasn’t until 10.) He wanted me to give him my credit card to use for the night and then pay me back (He wants to go to karaoke at the bar), but claims to need other stuff as well. I thought this was a bad idea, so I offered him the $30 cash that I had..he said no, nevermind, I wanted at least $80. I took a couple hours, but ended up biking down and giving him $45 and 2 packs of smokes. I had told him before that I deserved to at least talk to him for 10 minutes since I was doing this for him. He was just a huge jerk the whole time and didn’t even was anything to do with me. He was kind and grateful for about 2 minutes when I gave him money and cigarettes. He just kept saying, I don’t know why you want to talk, what do you want me to say, i’m not doing this right now, this is over, we are over, I don’t even know you. I asked why he told me that we would be friends but he won’t even talk to me without being really mean and he basically said give it a month….(before we can be friends?…so is he this sure that he is only ever going to want friendship or nothing to do with me?) He is also very resentful towards me, he was before, but it is worse now, I think because when he left he basically told me I could have everything…keep our car in both names and insurance in his name to save money (we still owe pretty much what car is worth)…keep the apartment ($850 that I can’t afford), and stuff like the tv, ps3, kayaks, etc. It’s not exactly like I want all of this stuff but it is here, and he has no way to take the big stuff…why would I give him the tv and ps3? He left me!!

    2. admin

      July 29, 2013 at 3:44 am

      Wow, that was long.

      You asked so many questions I don’t think I can answer them all at once to be honest. So, I will tell you what. If you email me directly via the contact form and ask just specific questions one at a time I think I can help you better.

    3. Amanda

      August 6, 2013 at 4:36 am

      I posted at the end of July. Break up was July 25/26…NC since 8/3…only minimal in between. Saturday was the last time I saw him…We had to exchange some belongings…we were getting along, etc. He ended up inviting me inside for a drink, I accepted after asking if he was sure a couple times. We hung out for a bit, laughed…He started arranging his apartment, hanging things up while I was there. Things were still fine, then all of a sudden he just got sort of awkward/cold, like he didn’t want me to be there anymore, like I had overstayed my welcome I felt. So I told him I had some stuff to do and i’m sure he was busy so I left, no physical contact. That is the last contact I had with him. He texted me asking about a bill the other day but I guess he figured something else out. I talk to his sister still and also have to drive by his new apartment every day more than once because it’s a main road…soooo tonight, his ex’s car was outside his apartment. (Not the last ex but his first relationship (15-19) that ended badly, but they were engaged. It turns out that they are reconnecting with drinks and a sleepover after 5 or 6 years. Does this mean that my time has passed? Do I not have another chance now that this has happened, or is there still hope? Why was he acting awkward after a little while on Saturday? How/when can I contact him? I really miss him and want to see/spend time with him. 🙁

    4. admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:06 am

      So he is reconnecting with his ex? Where did you say they are together again? Are they or aren’t they?

  5. Cate

    July 27, 2013 at 12:40 am

    Hey chris, so im in desperate need of advice I just got done reading how to get your ex back(amazing article btw) and I really want to try it out but before I do I want to know your personal advice if I should even try or just give up, so ill try to make it as short as possible me and my ex were together for about 3 years I got with him when I was 17 and he was 20 anyway after I graduated highschool me and him moved to another city together and we lived with eachother for two years and we were very much in love and were always with eachother we were eachothers bestfriends and couldn’t imagine our lives any different well about four months ago to this day me and him decided it would be best if I lived with my mom for a couple months to save up for my own car while I used her car to make it easier for us financially. I moved an hour away to a new city to help us in a long run, we promised to communicate everyday and we trusted eachother so we didn’t think it would be a big deal and to see eachother whenever we could, well we stuck to our promise and everything was going good until about the third month in we started to fight because I would get frustrated feeling like he wasn’t putting enough effort in talking to me but we would make up everytime say our sorries and that was it. Well the same month we had planned a fun trip to go to an amusement park with him and his friends well we went and I will admit I was very frustrated with him because I felt he was paying more attention to his friends then me and I didn’t feel that was right since we were already in a long distance relationship well that night when we got back to the house he said that he didn’t know how to make me happy I get upset over everything and he doesn’t think he can make me happy, well we talked then I asked him if he could see himself with anyone else and he always answered no I only want to be with you well that night he said yes, and I was so hurt and cried and he said he didn’t mean it like that and dropped it well I went back to my moms house the following day and and still bothered by that comment I had to go further into in and asked him why he would say that and basically his response because I don’t feel I can make you happy. well we got over that and a week passed and things started getting weird he was getting really distant and I would happily text him im moving back in a couple weeks are you excited?? and he wasn’t he was nervous and scared like he got cold feet of me coming back and his response would just be like im nervous about everything like financially and us etc but everything will be ok I just need to stop thinking about it.. so then the distance got worse and he said he really needed time to see what he wanted because he was so confused and he didn’t know what to do and I gave him his space and sorry long story short we broke up and his reason was we held eachother back in our relationships we got to consumed with eachother and never had time to grow and work on ourself he said he will always love me and wants us to remain friends and he wants me to stay in his life forever because what we had was special regardless of the situation and for me to contact him when im ready to talk again because he said he knows I will need time our break up was not bad he shedded tears and so did I because what he was telling me was right I was too wrapped up in this relationship where I wasn’t even trying to better myself or my happiness I just wanted to make him happy he was my first love so I never knew what it was like to be with anyone else anyway he said if we are meant to be we will find eachother in love again and maybe in the future we can start fresh and be with eachother again he did text me about a week and half after our break up and told me to text him anytime but I still haven’t but im trying to stop myself from contacting him because I did reply to his messages but talking to a couple family members and friends they believe it might have been more to the story that he might have found someone else I just need to know is there any hope ???

    1. admin

      July 28, 2013 at 4:03 am

      I am a firm believer that if you really want something or someone you should try everything you can before you give up. So, I say go for it!

  6. Kara

    July 25, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    My ex always told me he loved me and that if we ever broke up it would be because I decided to, not him because he was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He always talked about the future, kids, marraige, where we would live, stuff like that. Our relationship was great, but for the last month of it he started getting frustrated with things about me, the fact that I didnt like it if he drank, and I wouldnt go very far with him physically. I think those 2 things caught up with him and he got so frustrated. I hated disappointing him and I felt like we had different expectations of each other so I broke up with him, but he agreed on the break up. But for a week we couldnt stop texting each other saying how much we missed the other and we got back together. He said letting us break up was the biggest mistake of his life and that being together felt so right. We were back together 8 days and then he broke up with me. In those 8 days he had a different girl sleep in his bed one night. I dont know what they did for sure…but I know now that we broke up they are friends with benefits. And she has a boyfriend and he doesnt know about what she’s doing. She cheated on her last boyfriend with over 30 guys. But she’s convinced my ex that cheating isnt really cheating if its fun cause %&^ is fun. His opinion always was that the number one thing he hated most was a cheater and he’d NEVER cheat. He was such a sweet, caring boyfriend who did ANYTHING for me. He put me number one in his life. But now I question if his infatuation with me ever was love, or if he just loved having a girl around and he thought I would eventually give into him physically? I really want him back , but yet at the same time either he’s changed or maybe I never knew his full self when we were dating based on his actions now? I’m confused on what to think about him. He has been texting me saying he wants me back and misses me, but he wants me back in an open relationship and I said a big fat NO to that cause its no different than cheating. Now he has been ignoring me ever since I said no to that. Should I ever contact him again? Because I would enjoy just being his friend. But is it wrong or too hard to be friends after that? Or should I just never contact him again?

    1. admin

      July 26, 2013 at 3:05 am


      Pretty name by the way!

      I think the physical thing and the drinking thing did catch up to you. I think it’s more about the physical thing though. It’s not hard to know what men want really. We all want $%^.

      The open relationship thing he is trying to pull is ridiculous though. Do you think his mind will change on that? I don’t think you should get involved with him if that is what he ultimately wants.

    2. Kara

      July 26, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      He did say he could see us dating again like normal after I live another year of my life. He said I need to experience life more without him holding me back and focus on myself and if he’s still what I want we can be committed again, but this year should be without commitment. But I think a relationship like that would hurt me too much. I’d ALWAYS worry about the other girl and it would feel like cheating. Right now all I think I want from him is to be his friend. Before we dated, we were best friends, and now a great friend in my life is missing, whether he’s a romantic part in my life or not. Last time I texted him, he immediately posted a status that said “I’ve got a list of sins 20 miles long. Don’t even bother talking to me anymore cause I’m not worth it.” It confused me…

    3. admin

      July 28, 2013 at 3:50 am

      Give him his space. He has some stuff he is obviously working through.

  7. Dina

    July 22, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    My boyfriend of 1 and a half year broke up with me a week ago during an argument. We argued before but i don’t know what makes this one so serious. Up until 2 days ago , he still had a picture of us as his profile picture and everything. I havent contacted him, nor has he tried to contact me.
    I really don’t know what i should do.

    1. admin

      July 23, 2013 at 3:23 am

      Take a few days for yourself and enter into NC.

  8. Sami

    July 19, 2013 at 12:12 am

    Hi Chris, thanks for the great articles, I just want to see what you think of my situation, and if there is any point on trying this:(

    I was with my boyfriend for 7 years, since i was 14 he was 16. For the past year things haven’t been the greatest. he started becoming overly attached to a stupid ipad game that consumed almost every hour of his day except for the few hours at the gym, this was hard for me because we have lived together for approx 4 years, because even though we living together, we’d rarely spend time together, at first i expressed my frustration with the game and told him to stop playing it, but he would always end up doing it anyway. I got to the point where i just let it go and let him. the past few years have been tough for me in other areas, having had 3 car accidents, jaw problem, neck and back, and then last year my hair started falling out crazily! i became a very stressed person but i think his lack of attention and consideration/affection towards me made the problems seem alot worse. We went to america last year and i had to pay for part of his holiday for him to actually agree to come, the past 6 months maybe even more i really tried to make things great between us, id make him amazing meals, not for anything in return, i just did it because i am that kind of person and so he’d appreciate it. but then id be sitting at the table wit this gourmet meal going cold why he would be on the lounge on his ipad on the game and chatting to other players. same goes if id want to go somewhere together, id have to ask literally a good 15 + times, even just to watch a movie together took hours, then he’d be back on his ipad. after dealing with this for so long of course after the 10000 times of asking id end up going from polite, to upset, to mad and then it would lead to a fight. this was why he left 3 weeks ago. because i wanted to watch a movie and he was in a bad mood and was shrugging me off. so it esculated and he left. he just got a job in the mines he leaves next week, and he said he hasnt been in it for ages and doesnt love me anymore and was going to write me a letter before he went to the mines anyway:( but he would talk about getting a good phone network to call me etc? so i dont get it. It just hurts because he was so oblivious to everything i tried to do for him and us and just held onto the times when id yell because i was hurt from how he treated me. he said me being upset p**** him off, ive seen him since he was still happy to hang out with me, he said for me, so made it like he was obligated to. but id just get upset and then he’d get annoyed. he said he was happy how things are now etc. i dont know if that will change when his away in the mines but he said even if he does miss me he wont come back. he has a really strange way of thinking and i have a feeling this article would applyy to every male but him. then again could he just be playing a tough front to me? I’m scared if he does miss me he will be strong enough to not come back because he didnt think it could work or because he knows he screwed me over and i deserve better. But, i know we can be happy, with my life picking back up im alot more positive (other than this situation of course) and I know i wont be so naive to how things were and would try and control my feelings better. Do you think he sounds like hes done for good and there is no hope?? i just keep thinking of the times he treated me good in the past and i feel like i did something wrong to change the way he treated me. its almost been a month and it seems like its only getting harder, the thought of being with someone else is horrible. I was happy and still am happy as long as its mutual to be with only him for life. 🙁 your thoughts and advice would be very appreciated!


    1. admin

      July 19, 2013 at 2:11 am

      Hello Sami,

      I like video games too. However, I don’t like them so much that they consume my life and all my free time. Well, except maybe last christmas where I got the batman arkham games and was in my room all day long playing BUT that was a special case hahahaha.

      Here is what I think happened. The two of you had a major problem. He was ignoring you which upset you and all he got from you was anger b/c you were upset he was ignoring you for some silly game.

      I think this time away will be good for both of you. I think you can give it a try to get back together but take some time for yourself before you make your ultimate decision. Really think if HE is the one you want back. He may not be as great as you ultimately think.

    2. Sami

      July 19, 2013 at 1:34 pm

      so do you think the damage is done:( and this is likely not going to work? i think we both just got too comfortable and because i had taken time off work and uni we didnt have our own independence, I probably just took things to heart more than normal because my other problems aswell so i feel like i played a part in pushing him away:( I can just see what did and didnt work now so I know if we both gave it a chance to do over things would be different. Im commencing studies again next week which i was doing anyway just gonna be hard to focus now, and ive also decided to move out of home( we lived with my mum) to get some independence back and learn to rely on myself a little more, going to yoga/ meditation. I definitely didnt want things to stay the way they were or go back to that if we were to get back together. I msged him at the beginning of the week to have lunch and he replied yes with a smiley face so what do u think his motive behind being willing to hang out is? then i asked if he was happy and he said yes thats when i got upset and then he started shutting down. should i have just left it and made the lunch a good experience and acting like things were good? Im just scared that doing that now would make him think that its ok to have his single freedom life but he can also have me in it when he wants me there as a friend and that might help him move on?? should i continue to see him as a friend or should I do the no contact and let him go to the mines where he has no friends and is alone so he can have time to think?? then maybe ask to hang out when his back for his break? he told my mum he does miss me and he said he told me he has times where ofcourse he misses me, but he could just be saying it like he misses me being around out of habit and not actually missing me as a person. cause he ignores my texts when i do text and doesnt make contact with me. I know i am definitely not ready for a rebound but i know he has been out do u think it would be easy for a guy after 7 years to just go out after 3 weeks of breaking up and want to get with girls? im just saying this because if he can truely do that, i dont want to waste my time hoping and trying to get back with someone like that?

      sorry about all the weird questions and if i sound like abit of a lost cause, thats what almost 10 years of being with someone and loving someone who doesnt love u back does i guess:(


    3. admin

      July 19, 2013 at 10:27 pm

      I think you should enter No Contact immediately. Every time you text him and he doesn’t respond it hurts your chances. Give him some time to think in the mines. I don’t think the damage is done or anything like that I just think that time away would do you both really good.

  9. Anna

    June 23, 2013 at 11:26 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me because “his feelings for me have changed”. We lived together and I saw him teared up everyday when he saw me after the breakup. Today I moved out and he cried and told me how he never meant to hurt me and he wished he felt differently. I handled the breakup really well and didn’t beg or plead or anything. Today I told him we must just not be right for each other and that’s ok, although inside I was dying. Is this situation salvageable?

    Also, I’m getting ready to start the no contact period tomorrow, but he is going to go through a bunch of our stuff and separate what is mine next weekend, so we will have to make contact. Do I have to start the NC period then, or if I just swing by when he isn’t home to pick up my stuff can it be a freebie??


    1. admin

      June 24, 2013 at 1:33 am

      Hi Anna,

      Sorry to hear about your breakup. It can be especially tough on a couple that was living together. I do think your situation is salvagable as long as you give it some time. Have you checked out this page: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/ ?

      And yes, you can have that freebie ;). It is no big deal if you make contact when you are sorting through your stuff as long as you keep the conversations light and pleasant.

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