How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator ” What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

Before You Do Anything Make Sure

That you have started your no contact period. If you don’t believe in a no contact rule or don’t know what one is I need you to stop reading this page and check out this one. Also, if you are eager to get your boyfriend back right away but don’t quite know what to do please check out my page on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I literally spent a month writing that especially long guide and so far it has garnered a lot of interest. Oh, and FYI it will take you about 30 minutes to finish, no joke!

Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!

Summary

  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

(Special Instructions On Texting- Text messaging an ex boyfriend is complex. While I would love nothing more than to write a million words on the topic I don’t have the time or patience for that so what I am going to do for you is recommend that you check out my book, The Texting Bible if you are interested in learning how the entire process works.)

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

What Do You Think? (431)

  1. Hope - 0

    Hope

    I’m in a long distance relationship, the break up was pretty bad with me crying and begging, then we’ve started to talk again like friends, but he said that he just didn’t feel the same anymore. After letting him down for so long I’ve felt that it’s a good thing that I’ve at least managed to reestablish some positive contact so that he can have better memories of me before I do NC. I’ve started NC a week ago and it’s by far the hardest thing I’ve done in my life so far. He texted me a couple times, but then posted something on facebook that indicated moving on. I do think I just need to wait and reset things to how they were before, but the problem is that he’s always had abandonment issues and I don’t want to reassure him, that I’m not trustworthy and that he can’t depend on me. Should I keep NC? Please help

    Reply
    • Hope - 0

      Hope

      Also he’s asked me if I’ll be ignoring him forever, should I even reply to him and say that I just need time for myself?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hope,

      he’s going to be confused because you didn’t do nc right away..I think it’s better if you talk to him first and tell him you need time for yourself and once you’re ready, you’ll reach out again.. just don’t tell for how long you will do nc

  2. Marie - 0

    Marie

    Yes, he wants to be friends with benefits and now I am doing nc. Do you think I have chance to be with him ? Because he said “never getting back together ‘
    ” but he also said “I am afraid of you become a mature woman and I meet you one day, I must be falling in love with you again “

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you have a chance.. he mostly like just said never because of what he felt at that time

  3. Princess - 0

    Princess

    My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. I’ve done no contact since. He broke up with me because he said he was not as happy as me in the relationship and didnt want to be in a relationship or be responsible for another persons feelings. We’ve broken up once before about 9 months ago for pretty much the same reason but after 1.5 months wanted me back. Our feelings for each other have remained the same, no one was angry with the other and we both still liked and cared about each other the same. We became temporary long distance for two months which was hard on the relationship and he has two more months until he is back home. He told me he will text me when he is back home and thinks we should go no contact to make it easier for the both of us. He is the type of guy who does not know what hes feeling but just feels he needs to act upon it. Do you think he will want me back and how do I forgive him for breaking my trust twice? Will this become a cycle and does no contact still apply while long distance and when we both already agreed to no contact? Maybe he is scared he will feel to emotionally invested in the relationship because I told him I love him and he said he didnt feel the same way yet.

    Reply
  4. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Marie,

    basically he either wants to friendzoned you or be friends with benefits with you… that’s good, you should do active nc

    Reply
  5. Kiki - 0

    Kiki

    I did the no contact rule. About a week before my completion on my no contact rule. My ex actually liked a photo of us from my old post in social media, also liked a link that I shared getting my attention. Upon completion of my no contact rule 30days, I posted a photo that got his attention and he actually direct message me. I didn’t reply to his question as I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. It’s been a month from the day he texted me. Ever since he texted me, without me replying to him. He has yet to make any other move for e.g. Liking my photos or texting me. I’ve been missing him lately, desperately wanting to reply to the message he sent me a month ago, but somehow felt it’s kinda rude to reply this late. What should I do? I really miss him and want him to know about this.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kiki,

      why didn’t you reply back when you’re nc was done that day? anyways..just initiate a different topic..

    • Kiki - 0

      Kiki

      Dear Amor,

      Thank you so much for replying to my problem. He didn’t delete any of our photos in his social media page, same does me. I was thinking if I should just wait till my birthday to see if he wishes me (that will be end of next month) and I’ll start a conversation. I was afraid to reply to his message, worrying it will end up badly. As days goes by I just leave it without replying to him. Every time when I was bout to reply to his msg, all those hurtful memories will hit me badly and it just hold me back completely. We are both each other’s first love, and its really tough for me to go through this..

    • Kiki - 0

      Kiki

      Dear Amor,

      Additional to my replied msg to you. Recently, I was asked by a mutual friend of ours on our breakup. I feel strange that my friend just contacted me randomly and ask me about my relationship, wondering why won’t you ask him about this instead? Also, we kept our breakup pretty much to ourselves, instead of switching our relationship status to single we chose to just blank it out plus we still remain all of our photos together on social media. I might be overthinking about this, wondering what lead my friend to question me about my love life. I really wanna know how is he doing right now, I mean honestly speaking just wanna know if he still talks about me to see if there’s any chance of us getting back together. My question is, should I ask around his friend on how he is doing? or is there any other better ways for me to do this?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if he asked your friend, then you asked that friend about him, it will reach him.. it’s ok to wait until you’re bday but if he doesn’t greet you, it’s ok to initiate a text message..

    • Kiki - 0

      Kiki

      Dear Amor,

      I’m not sure if he asked my friend to check on me, that’s probably me just overthinking about it. Could be just casually asking me why did me and my ex broke up. It’s a relief to have you nodding for me to wait for my bday, I was worried that might just be too long to wait. One more thing that I need your advice with, I’ve been checking out his social sites often lately and liking his post. Should I stop doing this? I’m not sure if this is a good thing, because I remember the last time he liked my post it actually made me feel good about it knowing that he’s still checking out on me. Just worry if I constantly like his post, it might just boost his ego and feel like he’s winning.. This is so hard when I have zero idea on how he is doing right now. I’m sorry that I have endless question for you Amor, I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m glad you could help me.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s alright to ask! well, it’s better to stop liking his post

  6. Liz - 0

    Liz

    Hi,
    So i did no contact, only I then did something stupid and went from 0-60, i sent him a few texts which he only responded a few times and then got panicked and impatient and arranged for us to meet up a week later as i needed to give him his stuff back and told him i was moving on. Whilst i was with him he looked really sad and wouldnt look at me unless he thought i wasnt looking, i asked him if he wanted to take me home and he said no and at the end of it i felt like he still liked me… only i panicked and instead of leaving him with a good feeling I tried the back handed compliment, only what i really did was insulted how he looked! i also got worked up before seeing him and he saw me almost cry a few times, i tried to stay positive but i looked a mess and he was worried i hadn’t been eating. I saw him from a distance a few days later and i think hes taken it to heart what i had said as hes now shaved off his beard. Ive messaged him a few times since and hes not replied once but has seen the messaged, hes also not checking my snapchat stories anymore.

    he broke up with me because of a few little reasons and i think he was feeling lost in himself, hes still talking about running away to a different country to “find himself” and i told him that i didnt think it worked that was and he needs to work on himself everyday rather then continuously running away (this is not the first time hes run away when things have got hard but it is the first time hes left me, im someone who likes to just talk things out where as he hates even the idea of talking.

    have i completely messed this up? what can I do?

    Reply
    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      I think all ive done is reassured him that im not ok without him and i havent just thrown him away, even though he was the one to leave me, he told me he was upset because he thought i had just got rid of him

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      I also bought up the past relationship as i had unanswered questions and so did he, he seems angry around me even though he says ive done nothing wrong, or frustrated or something. He said he wasnt ready to meet with me but hes glad he had because it has cleared things up (like me not throwing him away) He’d got his beard done before meeting me so he looked nice for me and all i did was insult him about it, i feel so horrible about it and when i saw he had shaved it off i messaged him and said he looked good either way but he hasnt replied

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Liz…

      you have to restart nc

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      how long for?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think 21 days is enough..

  7. RR - 0

    RR

    Me and my ex broke up official 4 days ago… he said he e isnt ready to be in a relationship, and that he feels thats its not his time for something like that. I miss him a lot but i need to leave space in order for him to miss me or something like that… I love him so much and I want to get him back. Right now I feel like NC is the best way to do it. Its not like he doesnt care when I was at his place and said that it has to be over cuz i cannot wait for him to feel ready. When I was getting out of the falt he didnt wanted to let me go by closing the door. I started telling him about all the beautiful things together… before that he said he needs space cuz i kinda was to clingy … no one cheated or something like that.. he just said that he isnt ready right now for the moment for a relationship which doesn’t mean that he isnt going to be ready for one in the future… he said I hope ill call you.

    Reply
  8. sara - 0

    sara

    hey chris! my boyfriend a I broke up 2 months ago, and we stayed friends after the break up, when i did all the effort to stay close to him but he didnt seem to care, he kinda wanted my attention and to see my reactions about his acts. i was his first girlfriend we were so close and comfortable with each other, we have too many things in common and we cared about each other, but we used to argue a lot and i was the one who always used to start but then i realised that i was wrong, i said sorry and fixed myself but he didnt put any effort for this and always blamed me and said that i didnt change. after a while i gave him space and we were supposed to go together to prom even after we broke up, but few hours before prom he texted me saying that he isnt going with me anymore and asked another girl who just met her to go with her to prom, and she is really desperate cause she never had a boyfriend before, so she is trying her best now to make me feel bad whenever i see them together in the hallways, i rejected all my dates just waiting for him to come ,he is going to university now and i cant see him anymore, i havent talked to him since prom, a month ago, i even cut all my connections with our mutual friends and he blocked me on social media, he even keeps posting pictures of his new gf and like he looks proud pf her, even though i was really good for him, i begged him and tried my hardest and i was tired and looked pale because of him, but now i moved on, is best friend was my sister’s ex and he calls me and asks about me but i dont tell him much cause i know he tells him everything , but now i know nothing about my ex. but i still want him back and want him to regret that he did all that to me and broke my heart, what should i do in this case?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Sara,

      are you in active no contact now?

  9. Lola - 0

    Lola

    Hi, Chris! First I just want to say how much your website is helping me get through my breakup right now. My ex boyfriend and I broke up about three days ago.. We had been together for three years, and lived together this past year. We got into a huge argument (and it got physical) and I went to my mom’s for a few days.. During those few days, my ex tried to get me to come back home, but I kept saying I don’t know right now and I admit I sent some pretty mean, personal, and nasty texts to him. I went back after those few days and after a week of being there, he told me that he wanted to break up and for me to move out (only his name is on the lease). I’m in the process of NC, but almost everything that’s in the apartment, I bought (furniture, bedroom set, etc.) He knows that my parents will be coming to get the furniture from his place (I plan on not going because of NC). My question is: Does it ruin the NC period if my parents go back and get my furniture, even though I won’t be going with them? They probably won’t be able to get it until another week or two, and I don’t want to ruin NC if this is going to have a negative effect on him and remind him of the negative times in our relationship. (Though I’m assuming that he’s in a rebound relationship right now.) I do want to get my things back though because I plan on getting my own apartment. Please help!!! <3

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lola,

      nope it’s not going to ruin nc.. Are you improving yourself?

    • Lola - 0

      Lola

      I’ve been doing a few things, like spending time with my grandma (who I never really saw because she lived an hour away from where my ex and I lived), I went to the movies the other night with my cousin and actually started to feel okay, but once I got home I felt sad and depressed again.. I also helped my mom with mowing the lawn over the weekend. Each day seems to be going back and forth for me. I’ll feel sad and lonely once I wake up, but start to feel okay again once the day moves on. I’m pretty sure that he’s in a rebound relationship, and it’s killing me because I don’t want him to develop real feelings for this girl. I know to continue NC, but this is just so difficult. I’ve been crying at least once a day.. This process is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Any comforting/motivating advice?

      P.S. My ex doesn’t know that I won’t be coming with my parents to get my furniture.. Do you think that since he’ll expect me to be there, it’ll be a surprise when he sees that I don’t show, and maybe it’ll get him to think a little more positively about us and are relationship?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, it can make him start to think..

  10. lala - 0

    lala

    Hi,
    Its been a year now since my boyfriend broke up with me because I cheated on him with somebody he knew, it wasn’t really an affair because it just happened once and I never contacted the guy again.
    I had planned on moving back to my home country, therefore we were planning on having a long distance relationship and well of course visit each other every time we could. However, my boyfriend found out about what happened with the guy, and he confronted me a few days before I was moving back home, I couldn’t lie to him so I admitted it.
    We talked a little for the first few months I was back home, but he was so mad we would just stop talking to me for a while and then just talk back when he wanted to. No matter how many times he rejected me, I kept on calling and texting because at the end, he would end up answering.
    Its been a year since I got back and a few weeks ago, he blocked me out of everything so now I don’t have any way to contact him, besides his email.
    I don’t know what to do and I won’t be traveling to where he is until Christmas.

    Reply
  11. j - 0

    j

    My ex and I had an amicable breakup, and are still on good terms. 2 months after the breakup (I was already dating, being social, spending time with friends and working on myself) I went to his place to pick up my things and things led to us getting physical. I started NC (less than 30 days) a few days later, while he is on vacation. He continued to text me random things (not relationship related) and I did not respond. I broke NC at a time I felt was sufficient, he asked if we were no longer talking and so in order to keep appearing positive and drama free I said “Of course not.. and in case you’re missing the city while you’re away, remember this spot?” while I was in his old neighborhood. That turned into a back and forth photo and texting spree, and with me not responding to his latest text. That was approx 2 days ago, and I plan on texting him something casual to see how his vacation is going. He returns to our city in about 1.5 weeks, what can I do next to build attraction? Do I establish NC again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      nope.. are you not progressing in texting? if you are, you should transition to calls..

  12. Aliya - 0

    Aliya

    Me and My ex were never actually in relationship, we came in contact through common friends, texted eachother (mostly I was the one who texted but not always, he is a person who rarely texts to ANYONE) showered live indirectly, I proposed he rejected, and one day I got the knowledge that he proposed my other friend.
    I was angry, after some days we decided to be friends, but seeing him with other girl made me angry so I used to throw sarcastic comments on them. Many days back I decided to start no contact rule, I ignored his msgs in a group we have with our friends, I ignored him in college, only rarely- for work and study as we are group mates.
    I think I did NC for nearly 25 days with least communication and while this I got many positive signs, like his desperation to talk, jealousy when I spend time with other boys, some cute words like baby-one or two time( which he never usually speaks), flirting with other girls to catch my attention etc.
    Now I have started to chat with him normally in group and texted him in personal for 4 to 5 times (because he is having problems in his love life, he shared it with me, asked for help as he was not able to concentrate)
    Now please guide me further, how to behave in front of him, how to talk and when to text, when to not.
    Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0
    • Aliya - 0

      Aliya

      I have read it but still I am confused, I don’t understand. On one side he talks with me about his love life problems as if he is so serious about that girl (they were also NOT in relationship, girl denied for relationship …but they always behaved as if they are gf-bf, you know like sitting together so closely, talking all the time, flirting and all) and on other hand he always shows positive signs to me like he cares for me and maybe loves me, so I don’t understand what is in his mind and how to behave with him niw when he is asking for helping him in his love life problems! ?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmmm.. is he really naturally nice and you’re misinterpreting it because you like him? because I don’t get it.. if he declined your proposal before and he now asks for help for the other girl, if he shows signs that he likes you, that can mean he’s making you a rebound.

    • Aliya - 0

      Aliya

      well, actually he always showed signs that he still cares, even when his relations with the other girl were very good. I have always been confused by his behaviour, he was always desperate during NC and jealous when I was around another guy. He never liked me hanging out with his other friends and having fun with them. From the day when we came in contact till the day when I fought with him bcz of the other girl and till the date when he is not happy with the relations he is having with the other girl, He always showed positive signs, not one or two but many signs (but never accepted of course, attitude :/)
      Nowadays he is getting angry on me because he got to know that I flirt with his other friends. He doesn’t show that he is angry but his behaviour suddenly turns cold , I can guarantee he is not liking it.
      Also I am being very helpful friend so I guess that adds up.
      Now if he is trying a rebound than should I worry or not? This guy is so so confusing. If I would tell you the whole story you would probably say you have never heard things like this and never solved a case like this. I know you have to answer so many so trying to keep as small as possible but shortest thing I can say is He is very confusing man 🙁

    • Aliya - 0

      Aliya

      Hid birthday is coming, and as far as I know he is interested in me now. so do I make him feel special or just wish him as a normal friend?

    • Jennifer Seiter - 0

      Jennifer Seiter

      Don’t say anything to him on his birthday unless your back together.

  13. Ash - 0

    Ash

    Hi Amor! ….Me and my ex are studying in the same college we both met eachtoher during the college festivals,he is my junior.Since that day we both have been talking a lot and the moment my friends use to tease him by saying my name he use to blush a lot,it was very clear that he really liked me a lot.After 2 months we became a couple ,he was the one who proposed me,but when we started dating we both were acting really shyly and kind of uncomfortable too.Within 10 days we broke up,he initiated the break up sending me a text saying that ,i don’t know what went wrong,it’s not that i like someone else or something , i am uncomfortable being in a relationship,it’s just that i was happy single,i like you but this bf gf stuff is kinda difficult for me.I completely understand what he was trying to say because this was his first relationship,and On our first date even i thought of saying him the same thing but i stopped myself thinking that i should spend some more time with him and try to know him.After the break up i have realised that i want him back,i really do love him.Soon after the break up i initiated the no contact rule and he bombarded my inbox with messages saying don’t ignore me please and all that stuff but after that he stopped sending me any messages.My no contact period is now over and we both have started talking again it has just been 2 days since we hv started talking to eachother.Now i really don’t know will i ever get him back because he is a really friendly guy and for him relationship and stuff is all kinda new and difficult for him ..i caught him many times staring at me ,any suggestions what to do??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ash,

      it looks that is what lacked when you started.. you were attracted but not comfrotable enough with each other.. build on that first.. build on rapport.. take it slow this time..

  14. Love Marie - 0

    Love Marie

    My ex boyfriend and I recently had a lengthy and terrible breakup. During our breakup I became furious to the point where he blocked me on everything. At that point of course I had no choice but to begin nc. 3 weeks in, my ex came to my church with a mutual friend, but I didn’t speak to him. My nc coincidentally ended on his birthday so I waited a few more days to contact him & my number was unblocked & I asked him to give me a call whenever he could. I think I screwed up bc there was a lot of flirting between us, and we stayed on the phone for too long (almost 2 hours), he admitted that he missed me and wanted to talk all night as well & suggested us meeting up soon. However, he seems very sexually excited to see me,… How to a grasp this without being too gullible?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Love Marie,

      choose a place of meetup that is public..so you can take things slower and next time you talk, end it while in high point.

  15. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    Then what should I do? How should I make him realize that he loves me?
    And if not how should I make him fall again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to be ready to leave because in that way, you would see if he really loves you or he’s just possessive.. you can’t just stay even if he said all he wants is to be friends.. unless you’re ok with that..

  16. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    I really feel that he still loves me.. He says that he gets jealous when I talk about other guy and he is not able to concentrate from the day I have started texting him and always checks my last seen.. But he says he wants us to be friends and doesn’t want relationship

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what if he’s just possessive because you used to be his? You know, that feeling of ownership and authority…

  17. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    Hi amor
    We are texting again but hez scared of relationships now hez not willing to commit and even i told him that I don’t want relationship and all.. But i really want to tell him that how much I love him
    What should I do.. How to make him commit again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Surveen,

      that means he has to see you as someone that he really likes to be with but he’s not sure if you would stay or not if he doesn’t make you feel special.. so, in essence be an ungettable girl.. Be of value.. That means you have your own life and thing going on and excelling upon

  18. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    Hi there!
    I was dating this really great guy he was wonderful. We met online and instantly connected. Within a week of talking we made it clear we only wanted to see eachother and by the third date we were exclusive. Things although we’re moving fast felt right. He had a great job, good family and we are both 25. This is my first real adult relationship and there were aspects that made me nervous.
    We both made time for eachother and drove back and forth to each others houses. He met my family and they liked him. My family is kind of quiet and I think he expected more from them but they are just quiet to themselves people, and are new to the while me dating people thing. His parents were in Florida for the winter so I didn’t get to meet them. After a month of dating he invited me to Florida to meet them but I was too scared to talk to my parents about it and just told him I thought it was too soon. He asked me to stay over and again I was nervous to do so so I said I need some time. We were intimate and he planned wonderful dates and always had an amazing time. He surprised me at work with flowers and always was trying his best to make time for me. He is the baby of the family and I am an older sister. I invited him to hang out with my family and he didn’t want to feel like he was babysitting which is fair. Because of my young siblings I can’t ask him to stay here but my older brother has a house of his own and we are always welcome to stay there. On the weekend we broke up my parents were having a fight when he came over and wanted everyone out of the house. He took it personally as they didn’t want him in the house. I tried to explain it to him but he felt disrespected. I understood since he drove an hour to get to me and I apologized. I drove out to see him the next day but he was cold and distant and still bothered by my family. He broke up with me the next day and told me that I am a great person, that we had a lot in common but that we were at different places in our lives and that he wasn’t happy. It’s been two weeks since this breakup and I haven’t reached out at all. I really was falling in love with him and I think he was so turned off by me always saying no in fear of my parents and their opinions as well as his perception of a bad night. Now that I have taken the time to reflect I see that I was hesitant and nervous and scared and could have handled things so much better. I want to reach out but don’t know if I should. He went back on the dating website we met on a as of a few days ago he recently took it down. I’m not sure if he may have found someone else but I think if I just apologize and tell him I know that I screwed up that we could make it. These past three months were the happiest of my life and the breakup wasn’t bad I just think he wanted more than I was willing to give. I realize my ways and I want to express that to him. Should I or shouldn’t I? And if he has met someone new will it even matter? What are your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      You can try apologize first and talk.. If he doesn’t respond positively then you can try do active no contact.

    • Michelle - 0

      Michelle

      I sent my text to him to apologize and say that I screwed up and that if he was interested in working things out maybe we can meet up. I didn’t get a response so I will start no contact however he unblocked me from Facebook which he had me blocked for two weeks. Is that a good sign that maybe he is considering a reconciliation of some sorts or am I reading too much into his every move lol?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      maybe he unblocked you because of the apology..but still contnue to do nc

  19. Mahi - 0

    Mahi

    But he was very curious.. He asked me a lot of questions.. And said its good to hear from you.. He never start conversation, he looks happy when I message but he never start conversation

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s why you really need to makr an excuse because there would be nothing left for him to want to talk you again…it’s ok if you initiate next time..

  20. Mahi - 0

    Mahi

    It didn’t end with a high note.. But i didn’t message him since 4 days

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s why you really need to makr an excuse because there would be nothing left for him to want to talk you again…it’s ok if you initiate next time..

  21. Mahi - 0

    Mahi

    I made a mistake.. It was 2nd day of our texting after my 45 days of no contact n we texted alot, i forgot abt tide theory..
    Now what should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s okay.. did it end well?

  22. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    if he’s responding neutrally or negatively in your facebook convos that means you have to do nc again one last time, and then let’s see if he changes his mind… Don’t chase him because that will just make him avoid you more

    Reply
  23. Mania - 0

    Mania

    My proper situation to make u clear is
    I am married with 2 kids (my marriage is nt so much on comfortable grounds ..its a compromise fr kids)
    And i was in a physical relationship with my ex
    Now after his xams… he is nt giving his mobile no.
    I just want to b incontact .. as its v clear ,we cant be together ever .. but v can stay connectd.. he can hav his own life but i want him to stay in touch as friends and no hinderence to communicate if i want.
    Sumtimes i feel as i was just a fun fr him
    Sumtimes i feel he fears to hav tru feelings fr me as he can nvr have me forever.
    But i want to stay connectd..
    Plz help how to manage and get him close again

    Reply
  24. Mania - 0

    Mania

    Hi,
    After 10 days no no contact it was his birthday
    He approached me from his brother cell and or it was his brother but he said u made a mistake to not wish him and now he gona blast
    I am nt having his new cell no. He changed his no.
    I lft msg at his fb to communicate directly . 3rd person is not required between us. And i also left a gud txt like watching sumthing reminding me of him and i cherish those best days.
    But i am confused
    Now wat? Plz urgent help needed
    He has seen txt yet .i can remove thm but wat abt conversation to his brothr or him. Who so ever txted from his brother cell?
    Plz reply to my querry aoon

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mania,

      if you can remove the text before he sees that’s better because texting after that will just look like you are chasing him

  25. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    Its holi tomorrow.. We are in a group on whatsapp.. If someone message on that group happy holi should i reply happy holi?? Its the day 34 of my no contact

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry for the late reply Surveeen. How are things now?

  26. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    I have very little time with me Amor 🙁
    I will be engaged by the end of this year if not him then with someone else as I can’t hold my parents more then 3 months after that the will start searching a guy for me 🙁

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I understand.. You can’t force him of course..

      So the only chance I can see is that you really make an effort to move out of your current apartment, and start a fresh new life..where he can see that you really moved on and improved yourself and then try to reconnect with him.. but that will take time..

      think of it, let’s say you do 45 days this time..and that’s full no contact..and then you really make it productive and you post in social media always to establish that you’re moving on and for him to see your improvements..and then he may see it and miss you but I don’t think 45 days will be enough to rebuild the trust.. you have to rebuild it when you get in touch again… maybe that will take 2-3 months for him to take a chance again.. but if he’s still not engaging, pushing it too fast will hurt more

      I hate to be honest, but that’s the most hopeful and realistic as well as I can get

      You can talk to your parents too.. I know it’s hard because I think it’s a culture thing..buy maybe just ask them to extend it for a year..maybe tell them the marriage is affecting your studies because you’re worrying and you don’t want it to affect your reputation and you want to focus on it for now..

    • Hopeful - 0

      Hopeful

      Hi,
      My ex and I broke up almost 20 days ago. In a few days it will be safe to break the no contact rule. I need to get in touch with him because my mom needs her camera back. I thought that this would be a good time to ask to meet halfway since we go to the same school and talk for a few minutes when exchanging the camera. Should I send a text before this “reminiscing”? or should I stick with exchanging the camera and being friendly when I see him? We spent 3 special years together, and the reason for us breaking up seemed a little hastey and not well-thoughtout. We could have communicated more to work things out. I want to know the best approach to this situation. Thank you!!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Stick to being friendly first, take it slow.

  27. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    We both have moved to different places since last april.. He was saying he is not able to forget the past

    Reply
  28. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    There is no plan.. I mean i didn’t get you.. What plan?
    I am relying on you.. I will do whatever you say.. I want him back.. I have only loved him and it will never be same without him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry comma I meant if you get back together do you plan on moving to another place? Or make more time for him? But actually for now you have to rebuild Trust and that will take a long time because you have to start as friends again.

  29. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Surveen,
    I think it’s a combination of the time apart and he thinks you like gaurav.. if ever you get back together, do you have a plan working on that?

    Reply
  30. Jess - 0

    Jess

    Does it mean anything if he hasn’t removed our relationship status on facebook yet?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jess,

      It depends on the person. Sometimes other just don’t update their status..

  31. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    Hi Amor
    As u asked me to start it all over again so i thought of logging into his account again jus to check weather he got any notification about the different browser.. There is no notification that means he doesn’t know that i logged in his account.. yeah but i liked his picture with a girl so maybe for that i should start it again .. Should I??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep you’re right… you still have to start over again because of that…

  32. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    I am not sure.. M just guessing that he must have got to know.. Bcz i also browsed my Facebook account after his with the same browser and i got the notification that you were logged in by different browse and my location also was given.. So if he has turned on his security notification (which I think he must have) then he got to know that his account was logging in from my location..
    For how many days i should do this now? Again for entire month?? 21 days are already over?
    And should i block him over social media?? Like on whatsapp and Facebook??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yep, you can do just 21 days..since it’s the secind time..you don’t have to block him

  33. Surveen - 0

    Surveen

    There was no reason for our break up he just said he has stopped feeling the same for me now n wanted us to be friends.. I was on no contact rule i didn’t call r reply to his messages but i liked a recent picture of his with a girl on Facebook and i knew his Facebook password so i loged in to his account (there was nothing significant) but now I realized that he must have got to know that i am stalking him.. What should I do?? Should I start the no contact thing all over again??
    Please help

    Reply
    • Surveen - 0

      Surveen

      He never had any picture with a girl oon social media before.. This girl is a family friend of his and she tagged him… Our relationship was really good.. It last for four years.. 1.5 year back when i was in college i got these new friends n we used to study together he was not in my college we were in a long distance relationship ( i am a doctor and he is an engineer) there was a guy in my group who used to flirt with me alot and i got close to him (not physically) i told my ex the same.. And after that all the problems started.. I really love him and I think he also.. But he says that whenever I say i love you he feels irritated.. He GETSS IRRITATED!!! And he thinks that is all fake
      I don’t know what should I do.. I just want him back.. Its been 21 days we didn’t talk.. N now I made this Facebook mistake.. What to do next?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Surveen

      yes, you have to restart no contact… how do you know he knows you opened his account?

  34. Confused - 0

    Confused

    So I have an odd question, me and my ex were dating for 8 months when he broke up because of distance and time issues… We never saw eachother but I was supposed to move there next January… It turns out I’ll be moving there this summer for work, how do I tell him? Do I tell him? I’ve gone no contact for 30 days exact now and am not sure what to say. I don’t want him to think I’m moving there for him but I feel it would be weird to contact him and not tell him I’ll be there. I also was going to ask his advise on which neighborhood to move to and about commute since he’s lived there forever, but don’t know what to say… Help me please ASAP, I’m stuck!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused,

      if you’re moving there in two months, it means there’s still time to build rapport for now..I think you have to hold that info until you’ve established rapport

  35. Rie - 0

    Rie

    I don’t know what to say….We were in the relation for 3 and half years. At first it was so good for 9 months…then we started fighting and everything getting way to worse day by day….finally he seems indifference about me…. So, I decided to break up…. when we are breaking up, he seems that he don’t want that (me also not), but we both feel that there is nothing much left between us… now we are not talking around 2 months. But I still miss him and want him back in my life again. What should I do now? How should I contact him??(I dont know want he want know and as it looks that I broke up with him I don’t know how he react)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rie,

      are you still friends in social media? Do you see each other personally?

    • Confused - 0

      Confused

      Also, some context… The only social media we have is WhatsApp, he’s seen me change my status and pic from time to time, but I have made zero contact with him. We broke up over the phone and I was crying like an idiot… I still miss him like crazy and am in love with him. He used to say he wanted to be with me forever (with no provocation to say this) and I still want to be with him. What can I say to him? I’ll be moving there in 2 months.

  36. Carey - 0

    Carey

    Hey guys,
    I’m going to write him a letter because I got rid of any trace of a phone number and I don’t really have any other way of contacting him. I was thinking of writing and telling him that I have been missing him and I still love him (not mention the fact that I deleted his number) and say that if he still feels the same way about me that on (a specific date or time) then he should meet me “where we first saw the lady stuffing Alfredo into her trunk”. It’s a reference that only he would get from our first date. If he doesn’t show then I’ll know that it’s really done. Is this to cheesy or to much? Should I write something along the lines of “just text me or call”. I guess I figure that if I’m going to put it out there that I want to get back together that I ought to do it big and definite. What are your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carey,

      how did you break up? Honestly, for most that actually pushes the guy away because that’ s chasing.. what about social media?

  37. Mary - 0

    Mary

    I forgot to mention..we have been together 9 months..maybe u are busy to reply me…but I am wondering what ppl should do if their bf/gf really wanna stop the relationship..
    I have read yr article about preventing break up..I understand wt u said about open and honest talk..but the information about nfluencing him is too late..especially we are in different city. Can u give me more information pls.
    Sorry for asking so many questions and I sent an email to yr support team accidentally..I thought it was the correct email which I should send..sorry about that.

    Reply
  38. Melanie - 0

    Melanie

    I DON’T KNOW HOW ?! I don’t know how to start . We just broke up on Last Sunday . It was happen like so sudden ? Past few weeks we were so happy , we texted. He said that his company and family going to broke. So he need to works. Moreover, he is still study in University. He’s 22 years old and I’m just 16 years old. Well age is nothing , all we care is love. We already in relationship (1years18days) This happen because of his mother, his mother dislike me because of religion, age and family . He is Buddhist and I’m Christian. And he said I’m not mature yet and I’m selfish. I realize that , but , he still love me the way I do . I asked him to wait me 2 years ,when I’m turn ,18. All he said I don’t know over and over . Deep inside my heart , I still love him and I know he still love me. He keeps ask me to move on and he keeps ask me to forgot about him. For girls , that is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. Summore, he said her mother told him that she going to intro him a client girl for him , so both of them can get better , and company will become better again. What should I do ? Please help me . I really loved him so much . He means so much too me . I know there are a lot of billions men out there , but , I still choose him. What should I do ? Help me , I’m really sad.

    Reply
    • Melanie - 0

      Melanie

      And we’re far distance relationship .. He came visited me 5 times

  39. Kait - 0

    Kait

    Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

    Reply
  40. Holly C - 0

    Holly C

    Where do I start, LOL!!! So, just last week I was receiving texts and calls from my boyfriend at the time that he loves me so much. We spent time together on last Wednesday and on Monday I was running errands on my side of town when I noticed a car similar to his. As I approached I noticed his personalized tag. So, I waited in the parking lot of the movie theater and when I saw him come out I drove up smiling. However, he was with another young lady to my surprise. He saw me and cam to my car with a nervous look on his face, and when I asked who she was he said “She’s a friend of mine”, I replied “Wow, is this what we do now? Last week you love me so much and a few days later I catch you with another woman”. His reply “Baby, it’s not what you think”. I asked her how did she know him and she said through a friend and I asked how long they had been seeing each other and she said it wasn’t like that. I asked how did they end up here at the movies and she said they were on the phone talking and laughing and she asked him to come to the movie and he said ok. MY PROBLEM is that if you are supposed to be in relationship (1.5 years), why would you think it was ok to start a new friendship and go out with this person? UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR and WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!!!! I asked him how would he feel if I did that to him and of course he had no answer. I got back in my car as he stood there with this look of fear, regret and what seemed to be tears in his eyes and I called him a low down, nasty, dirty, so and so. The whole time this young lady never left (they drove separate cars) and when I noticed this I said to him there was no way I believe she is just a “FRIEND” because she’s still waiting for you to come back to her. I rolled up my window and sped off. That was Monday and today is Friday and I started NC that day it happened. Apparently so did he because I haven’t heard anything from him. I’m not sure how to handle this but it hurts that he ruined our friendship, love, and trust by thinking it was ok to hang out with someone else. I had no idea he was even unhappy. I do know one thing is for sure HE NEVER EXPECTED ME TO SEE THEM. How should I proceed. I know men will jump from one woman after another to fill voids, but I just don’t understand what happened in just a few days. HELP!!!!

    Reply

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