How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

Before You Do Anything Make Sure

That you have started your no contact period. If you don’t believe in a no contact rule or don’t know what one is I need you to stop reading this page and check out this one. Also, if you are eager to get your boyfriend back right away but don’t quite know what to do please check out my page on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I literally spent a month writing that especially long guide and so far it has garnered a lot of interest. Oh, and FYI it will take you about 30 minutes to finish, no joke!

Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!


  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

(Special Instructions On Texting- Text messaging an ex boyfriend is complex. While I would love nothing more than to write a million words on the topic I don’t have the time or patience for that so what I am going to do for you is recommend that you check out my book, The Texting Bible if you are interested in learning how the entire process works.)

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

What Do You Think? (494)

  1. Parveen - 0


    I’m in relationship since 6 years. Everything was damn so fine.. We loved each other more. We had plans about our marriage and even having kids. And often problems arised in our relationship.. But after all fights we were together always always always. Now again my guy broke up with me. Just because his family is not agreeing for me. This is only problem in our relationship. His mother doesn’t like me. So he is fed up fighting with his mom and finally he left me. I want him back. My life has stopped somewhere.. I’m unable to survive. Can you please suggest me something. I’m in no contact. I’m following NC rule. This is my 16th day if no contact. And he didn’t even call or text me. And I’m not a girl who can love someone else and marry someone else. I’m committed to my guy. Even he also loves me. But how will I get him back???

  2. Parveen - 0


    Sir I’m in relationship since 6 years. Everything was damn so fine.. We loved each other more. We had plans about our marriage and even having kids. And often problems arised in our relationship.. But after all fights we were together always always always. Now again my guy broke up with me. Just because his family is not agreeing for me. This is only problem in our relationship. His mother doesn’t like me. So he is fed up fighting with his mom and finally he left me. I want him back. My life has stopped somewhere.. I’m unable to survive. Can you please suggest me something. I’m in no contact. I’m following NC rule. This is my 16th day if no contact. And he didn’t even call or text me. And I’m not a girl who can love someone else and marry someone else. I’m committed to my guy. Even he also loves me. But how will I get him back????

    Subject: Good evening sir. Please reply to my mail sir.. Please sir

    Show quoted text

  3. Kat - 0



    I got with a guy at the beginning of Aug this year and we got on great. I was really happy with him and felt like he could be the one. At the same time a new girl moved in my rented house and would take all her problems out on me. She later started bullying me and would keep me awake at night so I became exhausted. Every time I was out with the guy I was seeing she would send me messages wanting attention and would send photos of herself in bed feeling sorry for herself. She later started walking around the house in her towel making myself and the guy I was seeing feel really uncomfortable.

    The weekend of our one month dating arrived. We went on a night out I was so exhausted (because of the girl in my house) and after a few drinks I broke down on the guy I was seeing. The next day I was so ashamed of myself and he didn’t seem impressed I knew it was over. I met up with him a couple of days later but the spark had gone. He kept going off to the toilet and would be away for a while each time. I felt like maybe he was cheating on me. (I didn’t accuse him of anything though) Later that day he turned to me saying he didn’t think I was enjoying been with him anymore. I said I was really happy with him and enjoyed his company and that I was just really exhausted. I asked if we could talk about things but he didn’t want to. He later went home and my gut was telling me it was over. A few days later he text me to see how I was and called it a day with me. I respected his decision. I didn’t have any energy left and knew I needed time out to recover from my exhaustion.

    Since the break up I’ve not stopped thinking about him. I’ve managed to catch up on sleep so I feel human again, managed to avoid the girl in my house and also blocked her number so to be left alone, I did the N/C thing and really want to contact him to apologize but I don’t know if he’d appreciate hearing from me. I wish we could give in another go. I’ve started saving to get my own place now. What do you think I should do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kat,

      how long did you do nc?

    • Kat - 0


      I did N/C for a month and a half. I sent him a whatsapp message yesterday for the first time (we use to txt when we were together) I messaged him to apologize for breaking down on him, hoped that he’d had a lovely time at a family members birthday, hoped he was ok and told him about the changes I’d made in my like to make me a happier person. He hasn’t blocked me on whatsapp and hasn’t opened my message yet I feel like he’s seen my message as you can read it on your phone without opening the app. Over the last few weeks when I’ve gone on whatsapp to message friends he has been online at the same time every time then a few seconds/mins later he logs off. I know it’s best to leave it and see what happens but do you think I’ve got a good chance of him replying? Does he even think about me anymore?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he doesnt reply in a week, try this for a first contact text:
      They Broke Up And Now They’re Married… Find Out How

  4. Yasmin - 0


    So, me and this guy have been dating for about 2.5 years. I got pregnant, but had an abortion. We were living together for 8 months. Then I ended things in feb because I was annoyed he was just sitting around the house doing nothing. Now, I want him back. He met this girl who does cocaine and claims he’s in love with her. Tbh, I think he just likes the fact that she provides him with drugs but eventually he came back to apologize and then broke into my apartment because he apparently had a bipolar schizophrenic attack. He was in jail for 3 months. I did not talk to him once while he was in there. Then when he got out, we started talking again. He told me he wanted a life with me; marriage, kids, everything. Then his mom brought the cocaine girl around him again and now he thinks he loves her. He had the nerve to tell me he slept with her 2 times in one night. I dont think this girl is good for him but he does. She accepts him on drugs and he knows I dont. When he told me he slept with her, he said he wants a future with her but he still wants to be friends with me. Since then, he has only called me once to confirm that we’ll be hanging out once I get back in town in 3 months but i’ve tried contacting him numerous times for him just to leave me on read; essentially ignoring me. Is there any chance that he may see me as a priority again and want to have a future with me? I think the only reason he’s with her is because she’s the only person that will sleep with him, and give him drugs. I just want him back with me. He was always sober and he could be the biggest designer on the new york runway if he just stops wasting time with that girl.

    • Yasmin - 0


      Btw, he has since gotten a job since he’s been out and that’s all i wanted him to do. I want him to work for us to be together, see me as a priority, and work towards doing what he loves doing, which is fashion. I still love him with my whole heart, but is there any chance that once I get back into town and physically be in each other’s presence, that he’ll drop that other girl and want to be with me again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yasmin,

      Dont love a person for their potential.. It’s good that you a person’s potential but to expect somebody else to be someone else or to change is not empowering.. If he really loves you and he knows that you want him to do better, he will do it in a heartbeat.. no, pleading from you needed.. For me, you should move on.. Move on and focus in your own success..If he does change someday, that’s good but that’s for him to decide and work on.

  5. Sabrina - 0


    My ex broke up with me on october 3rd because he felt like there was a lack of connection. I think he didn’t feel a connection because he didn’t put any effort into our relationship unless we were together. When we were together we were so happy and clicked very well. I didn’t speak to him for a week, until i texted him to let him know that I wanted to talk. I spoke to him today just so I could express myself and I told him how I felt like he needed to have put more effort into the relationship and that’s why I feel it didn’t work out. He seems to not think that we’re right for each other, but I know that things would be amazing if he would just put effort. I want to get back together with him because we are so happy when we’re together and I know that we could work things out. What do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Sabrina,

      how long were you together and how old are you both, and since has he been not putting effort in?

  6. T - 0


    Hi my ex and I broke up 2 days ago. We broke up because he believed that I couldn’t be “satisfied” but every couple has an argument every now and then right? We broke up through a text because he felt that he didn’t know how to express himself. He knew he hurt me and admitted to being a failure. We ended on pretty good terms but I do want him back being that we’ve been together over a year. I believe I’m going to begin the no contact rule. Is that something you would recommend ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T

      are you on and off? If not, give him a week.., just be silent and start improving yourself..Let’s see if he changes his mind.. if he doesn’t start the count for 30 days no contact affer that week and continue improving yourself..

      If you’re on and off, start no contact now..

  7. De - 0


    Hello ,we were seeing each other for about 5 months, he ended it on 21st sept I text him back on the 24th sept , saying I was glad and relieved its over, he text me 9 days later asking if I’m ok, I didn’t reply for 2 weeks, on the 8th oct i changed some settings on messenger and it notified him and he accepted my message requesr a few minutes later, although i didnt message him ,i just changed a setting which showed up as a message request from me, then on the 12th Oct I replied ‘ yes duck’ he hasn’t bothered to open it and read it, do you think he Will, I wish I never replied I just thought he would accept the message request like the other day but he hasn’t this time 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi De,
      I’m just wondering why did you stop talking to him? it’s that you implementing the no contact rule or was it just coincidental?

    • De - 0


      It was me, I just stopped talking to him because I was hurt x

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, this time, do the 30 no contact rule.. start the count and be focused in improving and healing yourself

  8. Reiko - 0


    I recently ended things very badly with someone I was seeing. We were seeing each other for 2months and he started to lose interest in me. I guess with everything going on in my life I became more clingy and desperate. What’s worse is I have been diagnosed with depression-which I’m waiting for a psychiatrist to get back to me on. So anyways one thing led to another and I basically acted out and screamed at him for no apparent reason. My friend/boss got involved and threatened him to leave me alone. Obviously to save himself he’s now blocked me on facebook and unfollowed me on everything. I tried to explain what happened on whatsapp after, pretty surprised he didn’t block me there. I asked him if there was any chance we can at least be friends. He replied ”Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea but we’ll see. Not right now anyways.” So for me, I guess there’s hope we can be friends one day right? I must have sounded so pathetic in my last message too… wrote like 1000words spilling my heart out which I suppose was 100% the wrong and pathetic move. I guess I just wanted to try again with the guy if possible. At least start of as friends this time and was wondering if this could work ? It’s been driving me crazy and I’ve been feeling sooo guilty things ended the way it has. I guess I just need some real and sound advice. Will the no contact rule work this way too do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Reiko,

      There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule and honestly, if he knows your situation, I don’t think reverse psychology will work too.. But there’s still a chance of being friends again, that is when you’ve truly changed and healed. Put that first.. heal first. Not for him but for yourself.

  9. Laura - 0


    Hey, so I’m on day 28 of the no contact rule, and he still hasn’t got in contact with me yet. We weren’t together very long, but I know that we could’ve lasted longer if I had done things differently. I know I was the one that was most to blame for the things that went wrong, I started arguements for no reason, I never seemed like I was happy with him whereas he on the other hand, was so good to me and I don’t feel I appreciated him enough. I know what I did wrong and where I need to change things. I really love this guy and we both want the same out of our lives, we both wanted romance and a family and we would often talked about what we would name our children, and often we liked the same names. We were even talking about moving in together as the start, and then moving on to marriage and children. He broke up with me with the old favourite “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse and he also mentioned that he “didn’t know what he wants” He also told me that he “doesn’t think he’s good for me” Which I feel is my fault for not appreciating him enough.

    I am preparing for the first contact text, but don’t quite know what to text him seeing as we weren’t together very long, we did go dancing together one night and we both had a blast of fun, do I mention that to remind him of the gold ‘ol days or is that too much of a romantic topic for a first contact text?

  10. Tina Sawyer - 0

    Tina Sawyer

    way to go wish me luck my second day

  11. Tina Sawyer - 0

    Tina Sawyer

    way to go i hope it works for me it will be 2 days today i gonna to try no contact rule.wish me luck

  12. Dianne - 0


    Hello, I need some advice.
    My boyfriend (now ex – find it weird to call him that) were together for almost a year when he suddenly broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We never really argue but we did have a bit of an upsetting moment the last time we were together in person. He thought deeply about our relationship for 2 days and then texted he needed to talk to me. Originally he was going to break up with me through text, but I asked to call him. So we broke up over the phone. His reasons were that he didn’t see a future for us, and didn’t want to drag it on or else it’ll hurt more to break up in the future. He also said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and wants to focus back onto himself. While I begged for him to take me back (he insisted breaking up was the only way), I asked to see him one more time in person that weekend. He completely rejected the notion and said it wouldn’t do us any good.

    It has been a little over a week since I contacted him, but almost everyday for the past two weeks I’ve been thinking about asking him to come out one last time. I think I have now accepted that this relationship is over for the time being, but I have many things running through my mind that I keep repeating to myself as if I was talking to him.
    I want to see him one last time as (ex) lovers and say an official goodbye in person, because I’m unsure if I will ever be able to see him as a friend (I cannot bear to think/hear about him dating someone else after me). I want to hear the exact reasons why he didn’t see a future, explain to him how come I saw a future for us and tell him the unsaid words I have left for him. We come from different religions (i am not religious) and different cultural backgrounds, but in my mind I felt like we could’ve worked if we both tried. I also want to know if he thinks we can reconvene again in the future, possibly as lovers or simply as friends. I want him to know that I still care about him as a person and I don’t want to hate him or see him as an enemy.

    I’m not sure if I should still meet with him to say these things. I think it will help me get some ‘closure’ and allow me to move past the ‘what ifs’ and thinking up these conversation in my head. I also know it might reopen the wound I’m in the process of healing. Some friends tell me its a horrible idea, others say it’ll hurt but it’ll help. I’m not sure which to follow.. I am also not sure (if I do contact him to come out) if I should do this 3.5 weeks after the break up call (when I’m free, he may be busy) or 7.5 weeks after the break up call (when he and I should be both free).

    I apologize for the long story, but I am in such turmoil I don’t know what to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dianne,

      how will it help you if you meet him? If it is for moving on, then go ahead

  13. Airina - 0


    Hello.Me and my ex broke up around 3 months ago.Today is my 21 day of NCR.ladies trust me whatever they wrote in this site is worth it.My boyfriend reaction during the NCR was the mid-caller reaction.And it was mindblowing how accurate what Chris said about he will contact me at the middle of NCR which was on the 5th day and 16th day.I was sceptical at the beginning to do Ncr coz i afraid that he will think less about me but it didnt happen!I’m still in my NCR which is 9 days more.Give it a try.We are lucky that theres a guy like Chris that are willing to give all the insight about men minds on break up!Wish me luck!


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