How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

Before You Do Anything Make Sure

That you have started your no contact period. If you don’t believe in a no contact rule or don’t know what one is I need you to stop reading this page and check out this one. Also, if you are eager to get your boyfriend back right away but don’t quite know what to do please check out my page on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I literally spent a month writing that epically long guide and so far it has garnered a lot of interest. Oh, and FYI it will take you about 30 minutes to finish, no joke!

Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!


  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

contact image

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

right way

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
276 Responses to How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend
  1. Tina
    February 25, 2015 | 3:42 pm

    So my ex and I broke up around 3 months ago (we were together for a year and a half). I broke up with him. I started college and the long distance was stressing me out.
    When I went back home for winter break, we went out a couple of times, and we kissed everytime (this happened between late december and early january).
    When I went back to college I found out he was already “dating” someone else since the beggining of December. He never told me about her. I found out through a friend. I confronted him but he never accepted it.
    I got so mad that I did the no contact rule. On February 15, I texted him for the first time after 1 month. We texted for around 3hrs! Two days later I texted him again and we texted throught the whole day. The next day I texted him again and the same thing happened, we texted a lot. I stopped texting him thinking he will text me, but he hasn’t. Do you think he will?
    He is still “dating” the girl from December. I thought she was a rebound, but do rebound last this long?
    Should I keep trying to win him back or is he just a lost cause?

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 10:06 pm

      Usually speaking rebounds don’t last forever.

  2. Aaliyah
    February 24, 2015 | 9:41 pm

    My bf broke up with me last friday he said that his ex told him to call her and he did because their parents broke them up then he said when she gave him the number his heart was pumping so he broke up with me to get to her we still talk on fb but now I know about the no contact rule I’m not and he even told me not to date anyone because when he’s single he was taking me back and never letting go I don’t know what to do please help me

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 9:21 pm

      Hold on, what does his ex have to do with this?

  3. Confused
    February 22, 2015 | 8:28 am


    My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. Long story short, he broke up with me over a text message. He never got to see my real feelings for him or from the break-up since it all happened over text message. I lost my virginity to him and he told me he was falling in love with me and he made me promise him that I would never leave him, but he did to me. I was prepared for the break-up. Between the honeymoon phase and the break-up he was acting incredibly short with me. The I love you’s and goodnight’ came to an end. Before we broke up, like a few minutes before, I wrote him this long message about how amazing he is and how we can work things out to become a better and happier couple and then he just ended it. A few days after the break-up when he got in contact he told me how I was enough and he wasn’t, which doesn’t make sense because he broke up with me? He said he loved me for a time and then he was miserable, but said he was enough and that he’s such an uncaring person and that I deserve better than him. He said he’s numb to feeling anything but the first few months of our relationship were so amazing..but I love him and he’s all I want. I read about the no contact rule and successfully completed it for over 30 days and now I want to get in contact with him but I don’t know how. Since he never saw my real emotions in my voice and face, maybe him seeing me in person would trigger something. I still have some of his stuff. Should an excuse to text him asking him if he wants his stuff back a good excuse to not only get a conversation going but to possibly get the chance to see him in person again? Please help. I really want him back but need the right steps. Thank you for your help.

  4. Confused
    February 10, 2015 | 1:07 am

    I wrote you earlier about my situation. Here it is again:
    I wrote him after a month of full no contact although we stayed friends on facebook ( I did not write him on it either , no likes or comments as well). I initiated contact like you stated telling him he reminded me of an actor in a movie. he responded positively and complimented me and asked about my family. I cut it short and said I was out with my girls.

    second text: I wrote him something general for which he did not respond to. I wrote you and you said wait a couple of days and write him again but with a stronger text. So I did….

    third text: I sent a stronger text stating a memory that we shared. I even had my cousin read for which he said was very good and he would definitely respond to it

    I sent it and it is 6 days later with no response.

    I guess that’s my sign to leave him alone? However, he puts subliminal messages online…

    I know you said it will take time but I can’t help to feel as if this a game for him and wants me to chase him for his ego. We are both stubborn and I reached out twice with no response….? However I do miss him and I wonder if he misses me?

    what do you suggest? please be honest and Help!!

    • admin
      February 10, 2015 | 3:52 pm

      Did you ever try the I have a confession text.

      • confused
        February 10, 2015 | 7:10 pm

        No I didnt. What is that? And it seems like you are telling me to continue trying?

        • admin
          February 11, 2015 | 1:49 pm

          You should have tried the confession text. I feature it a lot on this site.

          • Confused
            February 14, 2015 | 1:01 am

            okay I hear you. It is Valentine’s. I want to send a text but would feel silly sending it? since he already ignored my two last texts. I would feel definitely hurt if he doesn’t respond

  5. Keira
    February 9, 2015 | 11:11 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up after 3 years, and I did make the mistake of begging him back. We lived together during our relationship. He got into another relationship about a month after we broke up. He told me he didn’t want to be with me anything more and I immediately started NC the next day. Within 3 wks he texted me out of the blue accusing me of talking bad about him and saying because of that he was doing so well and was so blessed. I handled the situation very well and turned it around to something positive. He could’nt argue with me like he had planned. ( by the way I’ve never talked about him to anyone and I feel like he was making it up) Now NC is almost up and I don’t know if he was really upset or using that text to reach out to me. Should I still send the text after NC is over or just leave it alone because he is with someone else?

    • admin
      February 10, 2015 | 3:50 pm

      Definitely still send it.

  6. alec
    February 7, 2015 | 5:05 pm

    Hello. Can I read his private messages in Facebook but not respond to him at all? Is that going to be counted or do I have to start over again?

    • admin
      February 9, 2015 | 4:07 pm

      I mean, technically not but how do you have access to his private messages?

  7. Anonymous
    January 24, 2015 | 8:48 pm

    Hey ,

    I have always wondered about something. I had been in a LDR with my ex bf for a year and 4 months and when he broke up with me , he wanted us to stay friends and I was mature enough and respected his decision and acted as if I wasn’t really annoyed with the staying friends thing But the truth is , I really want him back ! I don’t know if I can apply the NC rule with me as well or not but if I am to do this , May I ask some questions that confused me ? How can I just cut all my contact out of sudden with him for an entire month , AFTER reaching a compromise with him to stay friends ??? I mean , wouldn’t that sound so childish and immature of me ? :/
    and after staying 30 days without contacting him , i find it really weird and awkward to send him a text message about anything interesting as if nothing has happened ? I mean shouldn’t I in my first message with him show him why I was away all that time ? like making up an excuse or anything ? Because , sincerely just opening a random topic sounds really weird and awkward to me and I believe it’s gonna sound the same for him as well , I don’t know :(

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:32 pm

      No, just do things on your terms and make no excuses.

  8. Lily
    January 21, 2015 | 6:20 am

    My ex and I broke up a month ago, I have done the NC rule and kept myself busy and change somethings. I am now at the place where I think logically about this instead of having my emotions take over. I think I am ready to start talking to him again tho I really don’t know if I should text him since we didn’t really text much only sometimes. Should I just go talk to him in person right away? or what?

    • admin
      January 21, 2015 | 3:21 pm

      No, text him first.

      Were the two of you just mostly an in person couple and hardly used other forms of communication?

      • Lily
        January 22, 2015 | 3:05 am

        Ya we were. We would always talk in the mornings before we went to class and when we saw each other through out the day. We only text for dates and stuff like that.

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