How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

Before You Do Anything Make Sure

That you have started your no contact period. If you don’t believe in a no contact rule or don’t know what one is I need you to stop reading this page and check out this one. Also, if you are eager to get your boyfriend back right away but don’t quite know what to do please check out my page on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I literally spent a month writing that epically long guide and so far it has garnered a lot of interest. Oh, and FYI it will take you about 30 minutes to finish, no joke!

Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!


  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

contact image

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

right way

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
295 Responses to How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend
  1. Selena
    March 28, 2015 | 3:33 am

    He broke up with me 3 weeks ago and we’ve basically been talking this whole time. Will the no contact rule still work or is it too late?

    • admin
      March 29, 2015 | 2:32 pm

      It sure can.

  2. Alicia
    March 27, 2015 | 2:01 pm

    Me and my boyfriend broke up a month and a half ago. We have stayed in contact until I told him that it was too painful to be his friend (that was two weeks ago). I met up with his mom and she said that she really hoped we could work it out and that I should tell him how I felt, so we met up. And then we were intimate(big no no, I know….) and then he started freaking out and crying and saying that we need to leave each ther alone. I cried but I said okay. He said that if life brings us back together in some way, then we can consider it then. He says he still loves me but he was really hurt by the break up (I wasn’t very affectionate and he was overly affectionate to accommodate for it. Now I understand where I went wrong and I am working on becoming better.) Now that I’ve found this page, and because he asked me to, I’m following the 30 day no contact rule. I am focusing on myself, going to the gym, hangin out with friends, trying to become the best that I can be so that I’m happy with myself, and he’ll be impressed if we do come I to contact. However, my birthday is in May (and I would love to do something with him around that time) and I was wondering if I could contact him in month and just say that I was thinking about him, and I was wondering how he was doing. Do you think I should wait longer than 30 days since he still seems so shaken up about it and said that we should let it happen naturally (my thoughts are that it won’t happen naturally unless one of us makes contact.) I think he thinks that we made a mistake too, but he’s just afraid of getting involved again and it ending worse and more painful. Any advice on how to handle this once the no contact period is up?

  3. hope
    March 23, 2015 | 10:45 pm

    hey my ex and i dated for around a year. 3 weeks ago we broke up because i got mad and he got tired of me getting mad and broke it off. he started acting cold and mean toward me. we talked about the break up and he said he still cared for me but didnt love me anymore. i screwed up and started beging him to come back. he told me he doesnt want a girlfriend for a long time.i decided that i was no longer going to contact him but he wont contact me unless i contact him first. im scared that he wont ever contact me and will forget about me. i love him , he was my first everything. i liked him for a year and he eventully asked me out. i like him so much and im confused about what to do. i plan on contacting him on my birthday which is coming up in about 3 weeks. i want us to get back together but i dont know what t do. please help!

  4. Arika
    March 23, 2015 | 2:57 am

    What if you lost your ex number and have no way of contacting them but you know where they live. would it be cool to go to their house

    • admin
      March 24, 2015 | 8:33 pm

      Do you have them on Facebook?

  5. Tiffy
    March 22, 2015 | 10:34 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me pretty much a week ago, I fought her him for 4 to 5 days, then decided to have no contacted with him, to let him come to me, I decided to do the no contacted for 30 days, my question is what If he contacts me before the 30 days end?

    • admin
      March 24, 2015 | 8:14 pm

      You don’t answer.

  6. Patricia
    March 18, 2015 | 7:47 pm

    I meet my ex bf online, we live 5 hrs apart, so i will travel to visit since i have family near where he lives. We went out for about 2 month, but he did get upset a few times because my cousin was around, plus we had a couple of arguments one for his tattoo, because i dont like tattoo in general due to my background personal issues but said i was ok with his, he took it pretty had though, and the other main issue was due to his financial situation which i again try to express my support because i do believe he has great potential. Things got out of hand a bit, i was to a point that did not want it to discuss about them over the phone or text, would rather do it in person. But he decided to end the relationship stating we were to far apart, then that he lost interest, that i wanted everything my way. I honestly feel he really like me, and was great with my son as well but i do feel he expected to much from me too soon. And even though i said i agree with him in many aspects and was willing to change for him not because he was telling me but because i agree and that was going to make me a better person. Then he said it was too late and he just did not see a future. I left him alone for a week and then contacted to see if we can meet to talk in person. He talked to like nothing had happend and agreed to meet “with me only” that was at 9pm and at 5am he text me saying nevermind I know i said it would be nice to meet but i dont want to create false expectations, hope you understand… I did not reply at all.. Idk what he feels, but felt like he was giving me mix feeling or maybe he just did not want to make me feel bad..Then a few days later he block me from fb, whatapp and probably from his iphone as well. Its been two weeks I do really miss him. I know it was a short relationship but i do feel in a way we complement each other very well… If we could just pass this small issues we would be great, since we have similar points of fews and ways we would like to raise my child and his child even though he lives in another state. Plus i feel i can help him a lot to get the career he said he wants to obtain… Anyhow I feel we can become better people as a couple… We both have strong characters so that complicated things… So I am not debating as if I should just forget about him… Contact him after 30 days or what? And if i contact how should i do that since he has block comunication… But i have his email he gave me which i think he does not even remember i have plus inhave his address. I felt bad when he block me from everything as i never harass him at all, but since we started to talk he mentioned he had block people just like that, maybe his personality or bad experiencew from the past. In addition, i felt that he is and was going to a lot of emocional situation such as being away from his child, working a lot, his boss not being too fair, trying to go to school and not being able so that added more to our relationship i feel… He is such a great person, admired him about being a great father and great person in general. Should i give it a try? Maybe I just feel bad to get rejected idk but i dont even know how i can go about contacting him or what i would say, so that is not creepy. I have started to investigate about his career and how he can validate his courses from his country… I was never even had time to share what i had found out with him since everything happened so quick… Regarless i would like to let him know as i wish him all the best… ✌️ … If i should contact him, how should i and what could in say?? I am lost…

    • admin
      March 21, 2015 | 3:05 pm

      After 30 days I would contact him.

      Ideally I like to open communication up by having you send a text message that is impossible for him not to respond to.

  7. Heartbroken
    March 12, 2015 | 9:32 pm

    So my bf and I were together for three years and it was amazing then I left him Bc he started to change into a jerk. Then a week after the break up we talked and then we went out and made and had made love and things were going fine for a week and then out of nowhere he stopped talking to me for two weeks and then we started talking again and he said he stop talking Bc he wanted to see what would happen with us pretty much test us and so he messaged me first Bc he missed me then we both promise to start over fresh and take things slow and no more lies and everything was going perfect until I started to nag at him a lot and telling me him to send me stuff like flowers sweet long messages etc. then one day he did and I said is this from the Internet and I got a little pissed off and then I realized it doesn’t matter where he got it. It’s the thought that counts and that he took time out of his day to do that for me. But Bc i nagged and got mad over something stupid he then told me he wanted space but of course I didnt I pretty much nagged him more and annoyed him more which caused him to give up on us and start dating someone else a month later. I want him back and I want to change and I am changing to the girl he fell In love with and I want to be that girl again too. But I feel like it’s at the point where it’s impossible to get him back Bc he has a gf he said that he doesn’t know if he will think about giving me a chance and stuff and I don’t know what to do I want him back and make things better then ever before and not screw this up anymore. Part of me thinks that there’s a chance then another part of me things it won’t happen Bc he has a gf. What should I do to really get him back :(

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 8:45 pm

      Well first of all you are in the wrong section. You should probably head on over to the how to get him back if he has a girlfriend section.

  8. tanya
    March 11, 2015 | 8:20 pm

    Hi, me and my ex boyfriend were dating on and off for three years. We will have been broken up for a year in may. Today i saw him sitting in our common room alone and we could both feel the awkward tension. We havent spoken since late last year and i still love him and cant accept that we have broken up. I wanted to call him tonight considering how crap my night went (family issues) and i feel like ever since we broke up everythings been going wrong with me…so do i call him or will i just be diappointed again

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 7:39 pm

      Well, if you are doing NC then I would suggest you don’t contact him.

  9. chris
    March 9, 2015 | 2:36 am

    I am in the 30 day NC. It’s hard, but I’m doing it. I was going to contact via text in 31 days because something special falls on that day that would be a great ice breaker. I wrote him a letter letting him know I am in counseling working on myself so I can be a better person for us. I have written a letter basically apologizing for the things I did wrong and how i am working on them. I am keeping it more factual and straightforward than overly emotional. At the end I get a little emotional and let him know what he and the relationship mean to me.

    I am wondering a few things
    1. How long after the text should I send this to him?

    2. Should I send it as an email (and ask him to text me ‘read it’ so I know he did when he is done) Or should I call him and read it to him?

    I really love him. This is a long distance relationship and I was supposed to be going to see him in june, but we broke up. He said I pushed him to make a decision he was not sure he wanted to make. He was trying to see what he wanted after we had an argument in December. We were talking marriage. He says I ruined everything and wants to be friends. I know he loves me and was angry, but I am scared of losing him. I don’t want to wait to lo ng in trying to fix this

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 3:50 pm

      What is it that is special that falls on that day?

  10. Margaret
    March 8, 2015 | 4:39 pm

    My ex confessed to me that he cheated, had an one night stand with another girl during the business trip. I forgave him, but after 2 weeks being together I felt like he didn’t even try to hold on to the relationship anymore.

    That was three months ago. Ever since that final break up, we never contact each other.

    However, recently I have been really stressful because I occasionally dreamed about him; the dreams were all about contacting him in many ways.

    Everytime I woke up from the dream, I wasn’t sure if the dream means that I should contact him or not… I am not even sure if I want to get him back or not. I am still single and haven’t met anyone that I want to go for.

    This is very annoying and I don’t want to make any mistake if I contacted him; but at this moment I am really confused about what to do… :\

    • admin
      March 13, 2015 | 3:27 pm

      Did he ever dive into what was going through his mind to initially cause him to cheat?

      Was he checking out of the relationship before?

  11. Tina
    February 25, 2015 | 3:42 pm

    So my ex and I broke up around 3 months ago (we were together for a year and a half). I broke up with him. I started college and the long distance was stressing me out.
    When I went back home for winter break, we went out a couple of times, and we kissed everytime (this happened between late december and early january).
    When I went back to college I found out he was already “dating” someone else since the beggining of December. He never told me about her. I found out through a friend. I confronted him but he never accepted it.
    I got so mad that I did the no contact rule. On February 15, I texted him for the first time after 1 month. We texted for around 3hrs! Two days later I texted him again and we texted throught the whole day. The next day I texted him again and the same thing happened, we texted a lot. I stopped texting him thinking he will text me, but he hasn’t. Do you think he will?
    He is still “dating” the girl from December. I thought she was a rebound, but do rebound last this long?
    Should I keep trying to win him back or is he just a lost cause?

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 10:06 pm

      Usually speaking rebounds don’t last forever.

      • Tina
        February 26, 2015 | 1:04 am

        Okay. Thanks!
        Do you think I should still try to win him back or should I leave him alone for now?

  12. Aaliyah
    February 24, 2015 | 9:41 pm

    My bf broke up with me last friday he said that his ex told him to call her and he did because their parents broke them up then he said when she gave him the number his heart was pumping so he broke up with me to get to her we still talk on fb but now I know about the no contact rule I’m not and he even told me not to date anyone because when he’s single he was taking me back and never letting go I don’t know what to do please help me

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 9:21 pm

      Hold on, what does his ex have to do with this?

  13. Confused
    February 22, 2015 | 8:28 am


    My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. Long story short, he broke up with me over a text message. He never got to see my real feelings for him or from the break-up since it all happened over text message. I lost my virginity to him and he told me he was falling in love with me and he made me promise him that I would never leave him, but he did to me. I was prepared for the break-up. Between the honeymoon phase and the break-up he was acting incredibly short with me. The I love you’s and goodnight’ came to an end. Before we broke up, like a few minutes before, I wrote him this long message about how amazing he is and how we can work things out to become a better and happier couple and then he just ended it. A few days after the break-up when he got in contact he told me how I was enough and he wasn’t, which doesn’t make sense because he broke up with me? He said he loved me for a time and then he was miserable, but said he was enough and that he’s such an uncaring person and that I deserve better than him. He said he’s numb to feeling anything but the first few months of our relationship were so amazing..but I love him and he’s all I want. I read about the no contact rule and successfully completed it for over 30 days and now I want to get in contact with him but I don’t know how. Since he never saw my real emotions in my voice and face, maybe him seeing me in person would trigger something. I still have some of his stuff. Should an excuse to text him asking him if he wants his stuff back a good excuse to not only get a conversation going but to possibly get the chance to see him in person again? Please help. I really want him back but need the right steps. Thank you for your help.

  14. Confused
    February 10, 2015 | 1:07 am

    I wrote you earlier about my situation. Here it is again:
    I wrote him after a month of full no contact although we stayed friends on facebook ( I did not write him on it either , no likes or comments as well). I initiated contact like you stated telling him he reminded me of an actor in a movie. he responded positively and complimented me and asked about my family. I cut it short and said I was out with my girls.

    second text: I wrote him something general for which he did not respond to. I wrote you and you said wait a couple of days and write him again but with a stronger text. So I did….

    third text: I sent a stronger text stating a memory that we shared. I even had my cousin read for which he said was very good and he would definitely respond to it

    I sent it and it is 6 days later with no response.

    I guess that’s my sign to leave him alone? However, he puts subliminal messages online…

    I know you said it will take time but I can’t help to feel as if this a game for him and wants me to chase him for his ego. We are both stubborn and I reached out twice with no response….? However I do miss him and I wonder if he misses me?

    what do you suggest? please be honest and Help!!

    • admin
      February 10, 2015 | 3:52 pm

      Did you ever try the I have a confession text.

      • confused
        February 10, 2015 | 7:10 pm

        No I didnt. What is that? And it seems like you are telling me to continue trying?

        • admin
          February 11, 2015 | 1:49 pm

          You should have tried the confession text. I feature it a lot on this site.

          • Confused
            February 14, 2015 | 1:01 am

            okay I hear you. It is Valentine’s. I want to send a text but would feel silly sending it? since he already ignored my two last texts. I would feel definitely hurt if he doesn’t respond

  15. Keira
    February 9, 2015 | 11:11 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up after 3 years, and I did make the mistake of begging him back. We lived together during our relationship. He got into another relationship about a month after we broke up. He told me he didn’t want to be with me anything more and I immediately started NC the next day. Within 3 wks he texted me out of the blue accusing me of talking bad about him and saying because of that he was doing so well and was so blessed. I handled the situation very well and turned it around to something positive. He could’nt argue with me like he had planned. ( by the way I’ve never talked about him to anyone and I feel like he was making it up) Now NC is almost up and I don’t know if he was really upset or using that text to reach out to me. Should I still send the text after NC is over or just leave it alone because he is with someone else?

    • admin
      February 10, 2015 | 3:50 pm

      Definitely still send it.

  16. alec
    February 7, 2015 | 5:05 pm

    Hello. Can I read his private messages in Facebook but not respond to him at all? Is that going to be counted or do I have to start over again?

    • admin
      February 9, 2015 | 4:07 pm

      I mean, technically not but how do you have access to his private messages?

  17. Anonymous
    January 24, 2015 | 8:48 pm

    Hey ,

    I have always wondered about something. I had been in a LDR with my ex bf for a year and 4 months and when he broke up with me , he wanted us to stay friends and I was mature enough and respected his decision and acted as if I wasn’t really annoyed with the staying friends thing But the truth is , I really want him back ! I don’t know if I can apply the NC rule with me as well or not but if I am to do this , May I ask some questions that confused me ? How can I just cut all my contact out of sudden with him for an entire month , AFTER reaching a compromise with him to stay friends ??? I mean , wouldn’t that sound so childish and immature of me ? :/
    and after staying 30 days without contacting him , i find it really weird and awkward to send him a text message about anything interesting as if nothing has happened ? I mean shouldn’t I in my first message with him show him why I was away all that time ? like making up an excuse or anything ? Because , sincerely just opening a random topic sounds really weird and awkward to me and I believe it’s gonna sound the same for him as well , I don’t know :(

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:32 pm

      No, just do things on your terms and make no excuses.

  18. Lily
    January 21, 2015 | 6:20 am

    My ex and I broke up a month ago, I have done the NC rule and kept myself busy and change somethings. I am now at the place where I think logically about this instead of having my emotions take over. I think I am ready to start talking to him again tho I really don’t know if I should text him since we didn’t really text much only sometimes. Should I just go talk to him in person right away? or what?

    • admin
      January 21, 2015 | 3:21 pm

      No, text him first.

      Were the two of you just mostly an in person couple and hardly used other forms of communication?

      • Lily
        January 22, 2015 | 3:05 am

        Ya we were. We would always talk in the mornings before we went to class and when we saw each other through out the day. We only text for dates and stuff like that.

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