How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend


Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

Before You Do Anything Make Sure

That you have started your no contact period. If you don’t believe in a no contact rule or don’t know what one is I need you to stop reading this page and check out this one. Also, if you are eager to get your boyfriend back right away but don’t quite know what to do please check out my page on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I literally spent a month writing that epically long guide and so far it has garnered a lot of interest. Oh, and FYI it will take you about 30 minutes to finish, no joke!

Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!


  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

contact image

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

right way

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
250 Responses to How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend
  1. J.J
    November 29, 2014 | 1:19 am

    I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year and a half. Both in late, early 30’s, got a puppy together and within the last 3 or 4 months things started to go downhill. Our relationshp prior was unlike any I’ve experienced before. We rarely fought until about a year in, he asked me to be his gf, he took me to meet his parents and he told me he loved me first. Then a year or so in, life stuff happened to us personally and he started to pull away. Confessed to me that he was depressed and started to slowly not include me in things. I brought it up several times, we both agree we have communication issues but I started to see a therapist and I have gone thru depression before so I gave him my advice and said whenever he’s ready that I’ll be there. Long story short, he said he knew he was being selfish and that he wasn’t giving the relationshp 100% so he said that he hasn’t been feeling us romantically anymore, doesn’t think we’re perfect for one another but on the other hand doesn’t want to lose me out of his life.

    Said he wants to still be there for me. We took a small break before that and 3 days after he says he missed me and that some days he could see a life with me and other days he was confused. When I finally confronted him, I said that u unfortunately, I had to make a boundary for myself. I said if he doesn’t want me in his life 100% I cannot be friends with him so I told him we either take a break to figure things out or break up and he cried not knowing what to do. So I left him.

    I told him I couldn’t simply just be a friend after all of this. He said he loved me so much, cried and I didn’t talk to him for a week and a half until he contacted me first of course he said he loved me and missed me and I brokedown and said the same thing. Yet I felt I was tricked because he still said that he wants to keep me in his life but didn’t have the capacity to be in our relationship right now. So I went over to clear things out and he couldn’t understand how I can’t just be friends. I left him a letter with all my feelings and stood my ground. I deleted him and his family completely from all social media since day one.

    But now that I wrote the letter and he has it. I’m doing the NC rule (two more weeks since I last saw him) and everything and it’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard from him and I guess I just want to know if that letter ruined it for me, or not. Just wondering what I should do next. I’m trying to focus on me, and I have a great support group but I really miss him everyday and my dog.

    Thanks for your help

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:30 pm

      NO I don’t think the letter did but it appears not to have helped but certainly it hasn’t ruined things for you.

  2. Melanie
    November 27, 2014 | 5:07 am

    I asked this before but didn’t get a response–So basically I have been following your guides and things have been going well. I did NC, got back in shape (trying to be the Ungettable Girl), focusing on school and friends, and have been happier. I have been texting my ex with your tactics and have him hooked–now he texts me first. However, a few days ago I hit a roadblock. He called me and I made some mistakes. I made the phone call last 40 minutes (I lost control and made the call drag!), AND there was a point in the convo where some emotional times in our past relationship were brought up. He was so nice and sweet about it, but I could tell a little uncomfortable. I feel like I ruined my progress however and have kind of ruined my chances. Idk what to do. To make things worse there is another girl involved that he kind of likes, but he told me he isn’t sure about her. WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE UP FROM THIS HUGE MISTAKE? I feel shitty I ruined my progress :'(

    • admin
      November 28, 2014 | 3:20 pm

      I don’t think you ruined it at all actaully. Yes, the phone call didn’t go perfectly but generally did it seem like you made positive progress on it?

      • Melanie
        November 29, 2014 | 8:55 pm

        That’s the thing. I feel like it started off well, but it kind of dragged and ended up being a little on the awkward side. It was at 3 in the morning too so my memory of it was blurred and we both had to talk quietly on the phone. So it was not the best conversation, and since those awkward/”sad” times were brought up, I felt like it really hurt the afterthought effect (I cried once, he was nice about it and I didn’t cry for a long time..just a few minutes). I texted him on Wednesday and got a positive immediate response, but he was studying for exams and getting ready to see his fam on Thanksgiving so a conversation didn’t bloom. He is in med school so when there is an exam, he just can’t text anyone and I know he is telling the truth about that. I haven’t texted him since or made a move. I don’t know what the next course of action is…do I wait another week? A few days? I also want to make it seem like I am the obvious better option than this new rebound girl. He says they are not together and he is on the fence with her…but what if my convo pushed him towards her further? :’c

        • Melanie
          November 30, 2014 | 4:25 pm

          Hi there Chris. Okay, so new update. I knew my ex was free yesterday evening so I trusted my gut and called him. He picked up the phone and it was the bulls-eye call I wanted in the first place. I kept it 15 minutes, had control of the conversation, and sprinkled in happy memories and our inside jokes. He was equally engaged and was just as eager to talk as well. I am so happy! However, we can’t hang out until December 20th at the earliest until he is finished with exams. I want to keep him engaged and have me on his mind for the next month. How do I proceed?

  3. Kristine
    October 9, 2014 | 6:05 pm

    Hi. Please help me, i don’t know what to do. We broke up a month ago. He left me cos he thinks i’m not ready yet for a serious relationship. I do the NC rule for about 1 week after our break up, and i do the nc again 3 weeks now. I’m seek and hurt seeing his post like he is with someone else. I’m reallu hurt. We’re in a relationship for like 13 days, and it feels like we’re being together for years. I can’ t move on, i want him back so bad. I really love and miss him so much.

    • admin
      October 13, 2014 | 3:09 pm

      Only for 13 days? Why did it end so suddenly?

  4. Emmi
    October 8, 2014 | 8:54 pm

    My boyfriend and I were on and off for a year, we started as friends and moved into a relationship that straddled friends/lovers. We went on holiday together and then he basically dumped me as soon as we got back, with no particular explanation other than him wanting a new start (and possibly his ex sniffing around). Problem is, he hurt me and I pretty much emailed him to say I’d never be contacting him again. I then found your website! The no contact is killing me, but I’m determined to see the 30 days out. BUT do you think my angry email that ranted about his behaviour and said I’d never contact him again count against me? I want him back, but he’s probably not expecting anything from me – and probably explains why he’s not bothered to get in touch. It’s tough.

    • admin
      October 9, 2014 | 1:41 pm

      Nc is definitely the way to go!

      • Emmi
        October 9, 2014 | 2:21 pm

        Phew – glad I haven’t totally shot myself in the foot! Thanks :)

  5. Jeni
    October 5, 2014 | 4:37 pm

    I was sending a sms message to my ex boyfriend asking him – Do you want we meet? After many hours he responded me – Are you sure, why you want me? And after I wrote to him message – I miss you, but yes you`re right about decision of breakup, maybe it`s better.
    And that’s all, he don`t reply. I`m wondering why?

  6. Amy
    September 16, 2014 | 8:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I am on day 15 of NC and my ex boyfriends birthday is on the 4th October – is this a good chance to reach out for first contact to wish him a happy birthday?

    Thank you

    • admin
      September 17, 2014 | 4:23 pm

      Nope, if it falls in NC dont do it.

      • Amy
        September 17, 2014 | 7:45 pm

        Well it will be nearly 5 weeks of no contact on the 4th October.

        • admin
          September 18, 2014 | 4:30 pm

          Ok, do you have a text message picked out to text him?

          • Amy
            September 20, 2014 | 7:14 pm

            Nothing specific as yet. Was going to wish him a happy birthday but I feel I should say more, but not sure what? Thank you.

            • Luna
              October 9, 2014 | 4:05 pm

              Hi- out of curiosity (being i am in the same situation as you) did u txt ur boyfriend, “Happy Birthday,” if so did he respond?

  7. Lindsay
    September 16, 2014 | 4:47 am

    Hey Chris,
    My ex and I were in a committed relationship for 3.5 years. It has been 7 weeks of no contact. He hasn’t contacted me and I haven’t contacted him since the day of our breakup. (I did NOT beg or text him at all saying I miss you or ANYTHING! So proud of myself!) He was out of town this summer and broke up with me during this time. He has been back in town for 2 weeks now. The thing is, we never argued about anything or discussed any issues before the breakup. He did an out of the blue breakup. He said he had been bottling things up and “letting things go and letting things go” hoping they would change (like magic! lol). So I feel like implementing some of the texts that you suggest would seem strange in my situation because him and I haven’t actually discussed our issues. I would really like to discuss our issues and see if we could work it out, but I don’t want to scare him off. I thought about calling him and leaving a voicemail (being positive and upbeat) and ask him to get together and “catch up.” (I wouldn’t mention the breakup during our meetup unless he did.) Do you think this is a bad idea? It doesn’t seem genuine for my situation to say something like “you’ll never believe what I just saw.” He is an avoidant type (obviously). He hates conflict and therefore is not good with communication and expressing his feelings and needs. I feel like if I make the wrong move, he will ignore me.

    • admin
      September 16, 2014 | 3:32 pm

      I would do that AFTER NC and after a bit of build up.

      • Lindsay
        September 16, 2014 | 6:42 pm

        Well, it’s been 7 weeks of NC…not sure how much longer to wait? I thought I could use another week or two to get myself together. But I just don’t know how to reach out or what to say. So you think calling him and leaving a voicemail about meeting up would work?

        • admin
          September 17, 2014 | 4:18 pm

          NO send a text. Think of something that he would without a doubt have to respond to.

  8. Sarah
    September 2, 2014 | 3:29 am

    After almost 5 months with my bf he completely cut off contact with me. He has a very stressful job that keeps him away for long periods of time working crazy hours. I’ve been completely supportive as him being gone is definitely something I can handle. He came home two weeks ago and wasn’t home for a full 12 hours before he was called back. He seemed distant and upset and this bothered me because I wanted him to push that to the side and enjoy the few hours we had together before he went back. We got into an argument but talked to next day and everything was fine. My birthday was a few days later and he texted at midnight saying he wanted to be the first to wish me happy birthday. The next day he told me he missed me and the next day I never heard from him again. With exception to an “I’m ok” and “busy” text he sent when I texted that I thought he was hurt. I’ve been very selective in my calling and texting. After those texts I went a couple of days, tried calling again and when he didn’t respond sent a text telling him basically I expected more and wanted to just have some closure. I know it seems crazy but I honestly think he ceased communication because he thinks his job has doomed us or u guess him really to never be able to give me what I need which is not true. I know I’m not supposed to text him but it’s killing me because I want him to know that I want to be there for him and I know he’s miserable right now working. I’m prepared to wait the 30 days but scared that I won’t be able to tell him all of this if I wait too long. Won’t he think I don’t care about him if he doesn’t hear from me? Shouldn’t I at least let him know that his job isn’t a problem and that it’s much worse not having him than just missing him when he’s gone but knowing he’s still mine???

    Ps. I swear I have not been a gnat. This has all happened over a week and I’ve called 3 times and texted three times.

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 2:29 pm

      Tell him that after NC… and after you lead into it a bit.

  9. Kristen
    August 25, 2014 | 9:09 pm

    hi Chris,
    So I text my ex a few days ago after 35 days NC. I sent my first text and after about an hour he responded (which I think is a good sign). My initial text said “The other day I saw the preview for the new sin city movie coming out soon that made me think of you. how are you? Hope all is well”. He responded: “Yeah I wanna see that. I’m alright stayin very busy with work and doin construction on the side. How are u? hope all is well with u too”. I responded like an hour an a half later saying “I’m good. Lot of time spent applying for jobs and going on job interviews. Apart from seeing my favorite band in concert 3 times, of course.” Didn’t think there was anything too wrong with that but he did not respond after that.

    Not sure what my next move should be?
    1. Did I unintentionally do something wrong in a way where he couldn’t respond to my text?
    2. Or should I send another first text to where I can actually end the conversation better?

  10. Lei
    August 20, 2014 | 5:53 pm

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    Hi mr chris,, me and my bf broke up 1 month ago, i followed d NC rules and i finally completed it, today i texted him, i gave him a message i followed ur advice to gave him a nice mesage and to remind him one of our good times together but sad to say 7 hours had past but still there is no any reply from him. He contacted me on the day 18 but i refused to answer it, now i dont what is happening..

    • admin
      August 25, 2014 | 11:53 am

      Go into NC again for a week before you try anything else.

  11. Aelyn
    August 18, 2014 | 1:44 pm

    My bf and me were in a LDR and broke up at the beginning of the year. I got in touch about a month after the break up and we texted for several hours. NC for 6 months so far (didn’t even know it is a planned method until I read this website, just felt better to get my life in order). I have 2 jobs now, new hobbies, friends, back studying, I’m a very different person. I am tempted to contact him so I can see if there will be any emotions, he added me on a social network a few months ago but made no contact further, nor did I. Also I wanted to propose a getting together also to see if I am truly over him (once we are in the same place of course). He broke up with me, but I was also on edge so I didn’t put up a fight. Should I drop it or try to get in touch?

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 1:58 pm

      I think you should only give it a try if you think he is worth the effort and can make you happy in the long run.

    • Lei
      August 20, 2014 | 5:50 pm

      Hi mr chris,, me and my bf broke up 1 month ago, i followed d NC rules and i finally completed it, today i texted him, i gave him a message i followed ur advice to gave him a nice mesage and to remind him one of our good times together but sad to say 7 hours had past but still there is no any reply from him

  12. Victoire
    August 16, 2014 | 7:20 am

    after 3,5 years of being together and living together for 3, my boyfriend left me.
    did not have any contact for around 3-4 weeks other than 2 messages regarding picking up things (yes i know it is still a message) and then recently he messaged saying he saw i was away with work and asked whether he could call me.
    he called – we spoke about everything, from arranging picking up stuff to what we had been up to and also about us and how it was and also a little about the breakup (taboo i know). I found the conversation a great ice breaker as i know there will almost certainly be events and situations coming up where we will both be there.
    one thing threw me though – toward the end of the conversation he said “when i was moving up here to move in with you I told all my friends I thought you were the one” (this was something i did not know as he had never told me) and then went on to sprout his concern as to whether he thought he would be ever able to have a long term relationship.
    i have now written to say that i need time to process the comment so that when i see him its not in the forefront of my mind as i want to be able to move forward and talk about normal things with him and our friends.

    I just do not understand why on earth he would come out with something like that – I know he feels close to me and can be open but he was the one who left and broke my heart. Self reflection would tell you not to say things like that surely..?

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:53 pm

      Sorry, what would you like to ask me? Having trouble deciphering a question in here for me?

      • Victoire
        August 20, 2014 | 5:04 pm

        apologies – was slightly rant-like.

        do you think it is worth to not give up ? and what your take on the situation generally could be?

        at the weekend someone asked him why on earth he left me and he said ” I dont know…shes beautiful, smart, funny, successful”

        (I sent a longer fuller story to your email, however I know you receive very many and so wanted to try and condense it down a little)

        • admin
          August 25, 2014 | 11:53 am

          I am a straight shooter so this is me being honest.

          I think the only way you should not give up is if you think he can be a positive impact on your life.

  13. Jane
    July 29, 2014 | 1:50 am

    Hi Chris. I just want to ask for some advice hope you can help me. I and my boyfriend broke up since jan 1 2014, were in 2 yrs long distance relationship.He broke up with me because he said that he can no longer do it or in a ldr relationship. We continue to talk after tge break up then after few months I noticed that he is no longer interested talking with me. Then during May I went to no contact rule for 30 days then I finally answered the message he leaves in my fb then we talk really great. He opened some topics about the past and he said that he still loves me and he tried to move on but no one can replace. He also initiated to have skype and I agreed and we have fun talking to each other. After that the next communication is after one week. I noticed that there is something strange like I feel that he is no longer interested again talking to me and he is always busy. And when we it is always me who opens topics to talk. What will I do now? I am planning to have have NC rule again for 30/60 days. Do you think this will help?

    • admin
      July 29, 2014 | 8:00 pm

      Was there ever a larger plan where you two would work together to get closer together?

  14. H
    June 20, 2014 | 3:04 am

    This is gunna be a long one. So about 6 months ago I packed up and left my current boyfriend at the time I don’t know what made me do it. Anyway I started dating someone else. I then realized that I was still inlove with the guy I left. Anyways we talked everyday and we finally came to conclusion that we both loved each other. I was going to come back home n we were going to work on things. I even suggested couples counselling.Anyways all of a sudden about two/three weeks ago I had this really bad gut feeling as if he was seeing someone or something anyways he denied it and considering he was always truthful with me I believed him. Well last week his phone wasnt working *so he says* but i called n it rang and i left voicemails “not nasty ones” .yesterday he messaged me out of the blue saying he dont think he can be in a committed relationship because of what I did to Him. He said he had to think about it but that he still loved me. I understood. Today he figured he’d tell me he’s been hanging out with someone and it makss him happy. I dont know whats going on but I think its revenge although he said it wasn’t. He kept bringing up what I did wrong which I took full responsibility for. I love him to death and I want to win his hesrt back I am so confused on what to do or think!

  15. Courtney
    June 17, 2014 | 3:41 am

    I need help! My ex and I were together from 3
    2008-2011 but even post break up we talked almost daily regardless of the relationships we had. We have each only had one since each other and have been out of them over a year. This time last year we started hanging out again and I foolishly agreed to a FWB situation bc he said he didn’t want to jump into anything, a year later (just 10 days ago) I professed my love to him. He told me he doesn’t love me the way I love him.. He also said I was clingy and drive him insane. I started no contact 8 days ago- he has yet to contact me! He has a huge ego.. Do you think no contact works in this situation? I’ve loved him for 6 years and have never gone this long without talking.

    • admin
      June 17, 2014 | 8:54 pm

      When was the last time you even were on his radar?

      • Courtney
        June 18, 2014 | 3:36 am

        We have hung out one to times a month for the past year!

  16. V.
    June 16, 2014 | 3:35 am

    He says that he loves me but because I was so negative and freaking out on small things that he can’t be around that. I know I need to change that first, but I still wanna take things slow and just be friends with him right now,I know I can handle that, but what do I do? how do I get him to befriend me again and eventually become better and stronger in the future?

    • admin
      June 16, 2014 | 2:25 pm

      Can you give me an example of something he was talking about with you freaking out about small things?

  17. Ariel
    June 15, 2014 | 12:12 pm

    Me and my ex were together for 6months, we were eachothers first loves. Throughout that period he would start huge arguments out of no where and then finally he broke up with me saying he’s too “insecure” and it’s not the right time in his life, I broke the no contact rule 3days after we broke up asking him to come her his stuff he agreed but then blew me off for his mates an hour before he was ment to show up . I want him back? Do you think he will show interest if I do the no contact rule for 30days?

  18. Alayne
    June 4, 2014 | 7:06 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I and my bf of two years broke up due to distance we have been experiencing the last 9 months. I put two months of NC and then contacted him with a friendly mail that he answered a day after as well in a friendly way. I am planning to send him a second message or email this weekend after a concert of a band he introduced me. I am planning to write the following: “Hi, I was at the Band A’s concert yesterday and when song B started playing I just thought of you and the first time we went to concert together. It was a lovely day, wasn’t it? and the thought of that day made me happy and I wanted to share it with you. Take care.” Do you think it is a message that can be sent or how should I revise it? Thanks for suggestions in advance

  19. Erin
    June 3, 2014 | 3:40 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I had an LDR of two years. We called it quits due to different expectations, and career plans. He basically said he doesn’t see a place he can put me in his future when he closes his eyes. Anyways. We broke up and I was fine for awhile. Then I sent him a long and sad e-mail saying I wish we had never experienced the distance and stuff but I know I have to get used to the thing ‘we are not together anymore.’ 3 days later, I contacted him asking if we can Skype one last time to figure the common things and some money stuff out. He did not answer. 6 days later, I got his love letter that he sent earlier through post, and I got it after we broke up. That made me sad. So I texted him saying that I got the letter and it made me think about our decision twice, we should definitely talk and etc. He briefly said he has so many things to say as well and he will call me. But he did not. Instead he sent me an email saying that this decision is the right thing, under different circumstances maybe it could be different, but both distance and feelings just signal that we should break up and etc. Later we talked once more about our feelings and thoughts because I insisted on it, and broke up totally. Those happen in 8 days. Later I went for 54 days of NC. But I terribly miss him. I contacted him twice but both friendly and a week apart. He did not wait too long and answered back in a day in a friendly way but in the second email he sent me all details of how happy life he has, which made me totally sad because I thought he’s totally moved on and trying to show me how right the decision was. Another week is passing. I am planning to contact him again but this time it will be about a time we went to concert with. Shortly saying, “I went to this concert and the place reminded me of you and the first time we went to that band’s concert together. It was fun. Anyways, hope you are doing fine.” But after all the things I told, I am afraid no matter how many texts I send or how many pages of your method I read, I feel like I cannot get him back. Please tell me how my mistakes in the beginning will affect the situation and if there is a chance to get him back. Thanks for reading.

    • admin
      June 5, 2014 | 5:30 pm

      Did you read my LDR guide yet?

      • Erin
        June 6, 2014 | 12:03 am

        I did. But I am tend to listen to my heart and do stupid things rather than understanding the fact you are giving in that article. I guess I need to hear the ultimate thing out of someone’s mouth.

  20. Ba0
    April 14, 2014 | 4:03 am

    So. Long distant Boyfriend of 6 months; we’ve been in short contact a few years prior; we broke up about two weeks ago. He has more baggage than I do: ex wife and just two weeks ago sold their remaining house; as for me, this is my first boyfriend in about 6 years, I’ve never really known ‘love’ until maybe him?
    I’ve already sent him a long essay three days after he broke up with me. The break up came as an utter surprise because I felt that we were in love. I went on a short vacation and came back to him being distant. I was careful about it and not showing how stressed and angry it was making me. I told him I wanted to skype; he broke up with me the following night I got back. This is his reason:
    He wants to figure himself out. There’s too much going on and he doesn’t know where this relationship is going and wants to work on something for the future. He’s confused and not sure if he even wants babies, marriage, to continue in his career (although that’s one of the things that’s stressing him out – architecture). I’ve never asked for babies or marriage and I share his work struggles (architect too); I’ve only asked in the beginning for a serious relationship. He did say I am the type of girl he wants to be with but he doesn’t want me to be with him because it’s not my responsibility to help him figure himself out. That he needs to figure things out himself. He even said that ‘we have great sex and a lot in common’.. but coincide that at another point of the conversation he tells me that he wasn’t sure if he ever though of me as more than a friend (that really hurt, especially after I believed him when he told me he loved me. Not sure if I’ll ever believe those words again.). He was upset that I didn’t really acknowledged him as my boyfriend, I’ve never really said it. But then again he’s told me in the past that he doesn’t like labels and would get serious with one person. I also never told him that I love him. I digress, another reason is our long distance situation. We are about 400 miles away and aim to see each other once every two weeks. It is exhausting both physically, financially and mentally. He was planning on moving to NYC where I am but he claims that his family abroad is thinking of moving to his town and he might be there much longer in terms of years. I told him that I wanted to wait for him to settle and figure things out. He said that wouldn’t be anytime soon.
    Chris, do you have any advice on a solution? I know I broke the 30 day rule, I emailed him an essay and in the end I asked if he will be okay to talk at a specific date and time (2wks after email sent). He has not responded in over a week so far. I don’t want to risk him going to another woman. They would jump at the chance, and after a while he’ll yearn for the physical. I’m long distance so it’s a long shot he’ll be knocking on my door.

    I literally googled “my boyfriend broke up with me, how do I get him back?”. My mind has been a wreak..
    Not simply because I was dismissed by the man who I have a lot in common and great sex, as he poignantly puts during our skype break up.. But because I immediately started to look at myself and what I could better to make him want me again. I got into the question, what do I really want to do/be/go in the future. While I am going out, working out, working to find a new job and upgrade anything that I can immediately fix right now.. The most common advice would be for me to give him space and work on myself and continue that. I’ve been doing that and will not stop working on myself. But I want a partner to share my life experiences with, not anybody… just him.

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:35 pm

      Have you read the LDR article?

    • Erin
      June 3, 2014 | 3:49 pm

      Same here.
      I am going through the same situation.
      I insisted on breaking up because he pissed me off and in the end he said frankly he is sorry but he doesn’t see me in his future life. So we broke up. I sent him a long email about how sorry I am and wishing we never did the mistakes we have done and never experienced the distance on the day after we broke up. Later a week, I told him to talk and try to give a second chance because he sent me a love letter the day before we broke up that he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me. So I did not believe it could change in a day. But the last time we talked he was determined and believed that he and I did the right thing. I started working on myself, doing sports, vacations, new friends, new hobbies, looking for new job and trying to move to a new city. I contacted him and he was friendly but that is it. I don’t want anybody but him. We have so many common interests, same dreams, great sex…So I am afraid he will not want to try again as i know him and he never changes his mind. But I just wanted to say, i feel you and good luck with everything. Hope he will come back.

  21. Jenny
    April 6, 2014 | 6:37 am


    I met my boyfriend in Switzerland. (same college) We dated since last October’13 (so about six months) then this February, I came to Korea for my six months of internship… Now Im going back to Switzerland on August. My boyfriend and I were doing okay at the beginning (texting everyday skyping…etc). However, as I get busy and he gets busy, we didn’t really talk. Then one day I told him I am feeling lonely and why is it so hard to talk to my boyfriend blablah Then he replied me, saying that he’s sorry and he was away all day without his phone. Because of time difference, I didn’t really reply that message. That was tuesday. Then for other three days I didnt get any text from him, so on friday, I called him. He got the phone, I asked what he is up to, he says he’s going to Milan with his friends… I was miserably doing so bad until friday and he is going on a trip. So I couldn’t hold my emotion, I cried, and said I cannot do this anymore. By saying that, I didnt mean to say as in lets break up but he got it that way. I talked to him few days later saying that Im sorry that I said that and hope we are okay. But what he said was, why am I doing this, he thought I wanted to break up with him, he never heard anything worse than what I said to him.. I felt so bad I said its miscommunication and misunderstanding that I didnt mean it that way. But he’s like you shouldnt have said that Im sorry I cant talk. Then few hours later, he called me, and said we should take a break cuz he feels so bad he never heard a girl crying so sad on the phone, he doesnt want to hurt me anymore. I asked him if he still has feeling for me and he said yes ofcourse I do have feeling for you. Then he asked me to talk tomorrow again. So the next day he called me again, his voice was all in sorrow, he says he cannot do this for five months, lets break up but we can always try.
    Since I am going back to Switzerland on August, I feel that we can get back together when I go back, but I’m just worried if he will still have feeling for me until then. I don’t think he will get a new girl friend cuz I know that he is not that type of guy who will get a new girl straight away.
    Im planning to let him have some space and time, Im just hoping him to text me first but after I read this article, Im gonna wait for a month first.

    What should I do? Help me =(

  22. Sunny
    March 30, 2014 | 9:00 pm

    Hi Chris, I was with my ex for 6 months a year ago (we were friends before) he broke it off due to attachment issues (he said) told me it wasn’t my fault… I did no contact and then met with him a month or so later, but he still said he couldn’t cope with a relationship. He has now text out of the blue just saying he keeps seeing me around etc (I haven’t noticed him). We had a nice text chat but I kept it brief and didn’t ask too many questions, I ended to conversation but was happy and said it was good to speak to him he said yes you too. My question is do I wait to hear from him again? I really like him but I don’t want him to tell me he’s not interested again. Thanks! X

  23. Emily
    March 30, 2014 | 8:44 am

    Hello, feel very stupid!

    So my boyfriend and I were together for 11months. We bought a house together, I lied about stupid things like money, my car. For a while he was acting strange wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. Eventually told me it was because of the lies, said he couldn’t live with it. I never cheated on him or treated him badly. Often he would tell me I was the person girlfriend he had ever had. A lot of friends would comment on how different I am to his ex wife and ex girlfriends. Now he’s ex wife cheated on him. Which in turn left him very damaged with major trust issues. I feel stupid and foolish for lying. I really love him. Is there any way I can fix this? And of course I was stupid and txted him a million times. We only broke up 3 days. What can I do please help!

    Thanks – broken hearted.

  24. Franny
    March 30, 2014 | 1:56 am

    Although this would work if your ex was ‘normal’ and had some emotions but knowing what my ex is like i know if i left him alone for 30 days he would love it. Probably because his phone would not be getting 50+ missed calls plus the txts! So im not sure that would help?

  25. Sandy
    March 29, 2014 | 6:37 am

    My ex and I started dating a little over a week after we met. We dated for about a month and a half before he asked me to be his girlfriend. Things were really good between us until we got into a relationship. Then we were together for exactly a month until he broke it off. He told me he liked me but he just didn’t want a girlfriend in general. With this being said, he wanted to continue dating me. This went on for 2 weeks until we went out with some friends and they noticed he just wasn’t reciprocating my affection the way he used to. I talked to him about it and we ended up just breaking things off for good and remaining friends. I later found out he had lost interest in me and it hurt because it was for reasons I had control over. Another thing is we never had sex or anything close to that. After our absolute split, I went a week without talking to him and when I texted him, we talked throughout the day like normal. Tonight I found out he was hanging out with some girl and even though she is probably just a friend, I can’t help but worry that he is getting into her. Although my feelings are starting to slowly wear off, the truth is i still want him. I feel if I don’t contact him, I am basically leaving the path free for that girl or any girl in general and I feel defenseless. What should I do?

  26. Romay
    March 28, 2014 | 10:16 pm

    i had dating my boyfriend for 2 years than we breakup & now we have 1 year & half from the break but i really do love him & now we are talking together & really do want him to love me like before but notice my bf date another girls after me & the same for me so …. anyways i realy do want to make him love me again cause i love him so much i swear his everything to me & now when he talk to me i feel like he doesn’t care anymore & hate me so can you plz help as soon u can

  27. Maria
    March 26, 2014 | 1:21 pm

    I had been dating my boyfriend for seven months. One night during one of our usual outings, I mentioned that a movie he chose for us to watch was stupid (we always teased each other about trivial things like that) and he physically pulled away from me and was distant the rest of the night. He drove me home and said that he did not want to talk about matter, especially when I tried to apologize for my comment and then he proceeded to ignore me for two days. Eventually, I was able to confront him about it face to face and he said that it was over and refused to further discuss things. I was completely blown away, because prior to this things had been fine between us and that is the puzzling part. I honestly saw no signs of an impending split. I think I would like to give this relationship one more chance despite the abrupt way he decided to end things. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

    • admin
      March 26, 2014 | 5:48 pm

      What was his reasoning for the breakup?

  28. Stace
    March 25, 2014 | 8:36 pm

    Hey chris i have kind of a goofy question, but its serious at the same time haha. My ex used to live with me & I just got a reminder in my mail for him saying he has a dental appt next week. I need to let him know, but I’m not sure how. I am 3 days away from 30 days NC so I am going to wait until after the 30. But how can I text him about this and sound happy/positive etc?! He only contacted me once at day 10 to let me know about rent he owes me and I ignored him of course. So, what do u think I should say?

    • admin
      March 26, 2014 | 5:10 pm

      Nope, can’t break NC. He should remember his own dental appointment anyways.

      • Stace
        March 26, 2014 | 5:33 pm

        Hahaha I know. I’m not going to break it with only 3 days left! I’m just wondering the best way to communicate it to him AFTER the 30 days is up? Thanks Chris!

  29. Emma
    March 23, 2014 | 9:17 pm

    Hi Chris, I have been dating this guy since December he seemed really lovely, then all of a sudden when I asked if “we’re ok” he started talking about an ex who broke his heart and he’s not sure if he’s ready for a relationship, I was so upset as I thought things were going well he’d introduced me to his friends and we were spending lots of time together, he lives a long way from me but we both made the effort to see each other, he even bought me a bday present its been 3 days since I saw and spoke to him I have a feeling its over but I want clarification on things and want to meet with him to get this! at the same time I want him back I am so confused as I thought things were great, what do I do? E

    • admin
      March 24, 2014 | 5:49 pm

      Well, you two are technically still dating right?

      Just talk to him. Talk about how you are feeling like he is pulling away.

  30. Cassandra
    March 14, 2014 | 7:38 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been( or I was )in a long distance relationship with my bf for 5 month . We were texting everyday day and night .. A week ago I was texting him as usually we do on weekend , but he didn’t replied at all , however I could see he was reading my messages and I got very upset . After few messages , I told him that if he was not aware of phone showing messages read ,that I could see he read my messages , he didn’t replied until 7 hours later saying . Sorry I was out with my girls and now we are about to have dinner . I didn’t replied at all . The next day he texted me and I didn’t replied , the following day did the same thing and I didn’t replied . I texted him 2 days later and this time he didn’t reply back to me . The next day I’ve sent another text and he replied as soon as I’ve sent him a messages that I won’t bother anymore , so he texted me right away. He was completely ignoring me via text ,so I cut off conversation . He told me that we will talk next day , so I texted him the next day and he was doing the same again no answering my text , I stupidly sent bunch of text messages and he replied at night . I asked him to be honest with me that if he doesn’t want the relationship to let me know , so I can move on . He replied saying , I don’t know to be honest with you. The way you reacted rally threw me off.. Then I stupidly asked .Is that means you don’t want this anymore ? And he replied , I don’t know right now. I am trying to be a good single dad And maybe it’s not fair that I have enough time to give anything else right now.. I said but you are a good dad , and he replied saying ,Im now trying to watch tv with them .. my last replied was this .. Ok . I’m not there and the time with me is via text . You making things harder for me , by not telling what you want here .. I let you watch the Tv with your girls .. Either way , have a goodnight sweetheart . This was our last conversation 5 days ago and we haven’t contact each other since then . Do you think that I have a chance to get him back ? What should I do next ? Should just wait until he contacts me ? Please help ?

    • Cassandra
      March 15, 2014 | 3:20 pm

      Hi Chris ,
      Please help me here .. Should i contact him ir should i wait until he contacts me ? :( . Should i applied 30 day even if he says he doesn’t know if he wants our relationship ..

      Thank you very much for your help .

      • Dan
        March 20, 2014 | 8:24 am

        He is being very distant towards you. You need to get out of the relationship and move on to someone who actually cares about your feelings and treats you better. I am sorry to say this, but this guy is not that into you and in fact, he may be using you for either sex or money when the need arises. I’m not sure which one, but you would know which one. I hope you are able to move on soon because everyone deserves someone who will reciprocate their love. If you aren’t receiving it in this relationship, then it is time to let it go.

      • Cassandra
        March 20, 2014 | 10:54 pm

        Is this Chris ??

        • admin
          March 21, 2014 | 6:19 am


  31. Anne
    March 11, 2014 | 2:10 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I am almost everyday in ur blog ,I love read it.

    So I txt my ex to get my sweeter back! This was the txt!

    Hola Chico:) como estas? I need to get my sweater my dad gave me, I left there the last time I saw you, when do u have a free time so I can get it?

    He took like 20 minutes to reply,

    He txt back ” hola chica :) sorry I just responded. I just got home from a 5 hour drive from thief river falls for work. I leave tomorrow for a work conference but I will be back on Sunday.

    And I took 10minutes to reply back!

    Hola:) that’s okay, oh nice, sounds fun your conference, so I will txt back on Sunday or Monday to check ur agenda for next week, have fun! Night night.

    And he took 2 minutes to reply!
    Okay sounds good chica. Have a good weekend, night night.

    So it was on Wednesday happened. But I didn’t txt him in Sunday and Monday I was thinking txt him today Tuesday afternoon so he txt me today in the morning at 7 am saying!

    Hola! Sorry I didn’t get back until late on Sunday and now I am in Iowa:/ so sick of traveling. I will be back Thursday thought I think.

    I txt him back after 10 minutes saying!

    Hola Miguel :) that’s okay I know sometimes u travel a lot and Also I found ur socks at home that u let me use to do snowboarding! It’s clean and match ! ill give it back. I will txt u back on Thursday to see if u got home :) Drive safe!

    (I wrote that cuz we used to have fun to try find his shocks and match it we used to talk and laught a lot and we went do do snowboarding together two weeks before we broke up and it was fun).

    So he txt me back!

    Kk sounds good chica!

    So we didn’t talk for over 2weeks and I broke the silence cuz my sweater is there. Just I was wondering why he was the first one to txt me if I was going to txt him and I end up not! Do u think he was worried? Yeah he travels a lot cuz his job. Do u think he start to wonder what I have been doing or missing me? He was nice in his txts and we used pet names.. I am just curious, I am thinking if he is scary to see me and talk! I believe he went to this conference cuz I drove close to his house and I saw everything was dark, we live close so I am obligate to drive to his street everyday cuz my job. So what do u think He is thinking? I need an advice please.

    I hope he is not reading this blog lol…

    • Anne
      March 12, 2014 | 3:01 pm

      Hi Chris, please answer me… I need a man head on that situation! I don’t want to do mistakes… I know you are super busy but just tell me what do you think about my comment on the top! Thanks.

  32. Anny
    March 10, 2014 | 10:01 am

    i cheated on my boyfriend and brokeup with him…he came in a relation ryt after some months of our breakup..he loved me so much..i am his first love and now i realised that i love him and want him back from his new girlfriend..but the things we have no contact with eachother..i dont have his number..we study in the same college..and we both dont talk to eachother..hes always with his new gf around….what shud i do to get him back again??pls help

  33. Ashley
    March 5, 2014 | 12:26 am

    my ex and i broke up and he stopped talking to me. he wouldnt answer any of my texts. a week later he responded to me after i called him. he didnt give me any answers but he congratulated me on my band selling out a local bar/restaurant that he obviously didnt come to. i asked how he knew about that and he said he was at that bar the next day and asked about it. but he still wont answer any questions about us. is he taking space? what should i do?

    • admin
      March 5, 2014 | 5:27 pm

      Just give him some space. He isn’t ready to talk about you guys yet and that is ok.

      • Ashley
        March 6, 2014 | 5:02 am

        so you think he will come around again?

        • admin
          March 7, 2014 | 6:33 am

          I think the two of you will talk eventually yes.

          • Ashley
            March 7, 2014 | 7:28 am

            thanks i hope so! youre the best

  34. Jen
    February 25, 2014 | 10:40 pm

    My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. We had gone away to a wedding the weekend before we broke up and fought the entire time. He did not want to go to the wedding and spent a great deal of money on it. For the first week we got home he talked to me with no feeling then Friday he said we could meet up and talk. We spent most of the night talking about other things fell asleep and he woke me up and said he was still mad at me. We talked for an additional 4 hours and things seemed to be going in the right direction. He told me to spend the night bc it was extremely late so I did. When we woke in the morning we were having a good morning and I asked if things could work out. He told me he didn’t know and that he doesn’t see a future with me and don’t I deserve a guy who sees one with me? He said he had given things a year and doesn’t know if they can be fixed or if he wants to try. I said I can work on things give me one month to make things better and if he still isn’t happy then we can go our separate ways. He told me he can’t promise he can give me that and he feels like in one month we will be having the same conversation. He said why didn’t I think about that or take him seriously for the past year? I begged and pleaded with him and took my stuff and said if I leave we will never talk again. He said wait and we talked a few more minutes and I ended up leaving then called him up saying how could you let me leave?? I went home crying with him on the phone told him I love him for the first time and he said he wishes he could say it back. I said I can’t just be friends with him not with how I feel for him and he said he would be very sad if we never spoke again. Since then everyday he has called and texted. I even asked him to hangout Monday night and he said ok. We hung out and we even cuddled on his couch when I said I was cold. Nothing about our relationship has been brought up since Sunday and I am not sure what to do. He had mentioned maybe needing time and I said how long and he said he doesn’t know however long he needs. What do I do? I feel like he is texting me and checking up bc he feels bad for me. He had mentioned not wanting to be with anyone or in a relationship period. I just don’t understand why he keeps me informed about what he is doing. He also got jealous when I mentioned a guy looking at my car (who happens to be out mechanic) I think he blanked out for a second and thought I meant someone else. I have never seen him get jealous until now. What do I do?

    • admin
      February 27, 2014 | 7:18 pm

      Have the two of you tried having any serious talks?

    • Kass
      March 3, 2014 | 10:13 pm

      I went out with my boyfriend for about three months. He one day came up to me and said he was breaking up with me. I practically cried on the spot, because I loved him, and our relationship went so well. He asked me out later that day after we had talked, and then decided he wasn’t ready and diddnt want to hurt anyone. This same pattern was repeated about 4 times, and so I got a bit mad. But I diddnt show it. But after our break up, I couldent help but message him Rey couple of weeks. Then we were out of contact for about 15 days, but then resumed contact. I am now worried I have come across as desperate and have no chance, hope you can help – Kass :)

  35. Lanae
    February 15, 2014 | 6:08 am

    I started the no contact 5 days ago but my ex keep texting and calling me. I want him back but I think no contact will get him to realize that he could really lose me for good. What should I do? Reply or stay quiet?

    • admin
      February 15, 2014 | 6:21 pm

      Stay quiet.

      • Lanae
        February 17, 2014 | 8:24 pm

        Thanks becauase he text and call everyday and I have a feeling he might pop up at my house. What to do if that happen. It’s always been hard for me to turn him away so I think Im getting to him my fingers are crossed that this will work if not oh well at least I tried.

  36. Amber
    February 12, 2014 | 1:14 pm

    So my ex broke up with me before I left on a trip saying he loved me less and less each day and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I didn’t contact him when I got back. In total it was about 2.5 weeks total no contact and I received a text from him asking to swap our things, I was civil and agreed we should but made sure to end the conversation myself. I did send him a couple little texts reminding him of positive memories always saying I was too busy to talk. I was able to play it cool when we met, we talked for maybe half an hour inside when I said I had to go then we were outside standing in slush in freezing weather we talked for at least an hour and I discovered he still loves me but he thinks we should work on ourselves and hopefully some day in the future we could try again.
    I see him tomorrow and would love ANYONE’S OPINION ON THIS. I think I’m going to tell him that I’ll always love him and that of he really loved me he’d want to be by my side and we could grow as a team. That I could deal with not seeing him during the semester and that I’m scared to leave everything the way it is because I know is be waiting saying “it’s okay I love him” and if he found another girl it would crush me (he told me he went on a couple dates with another girl while I was gone).
    I think it’s the only way he’ll think of me while I’m gone, otherwise he’ll be able to accept that he broke up with me and he’ll get over me. When I see him I’m going to give him the best day ever of us being friends, remind him of positive aspects of our relationship, show that I’ve worked on myself (losing at cards and not being childish about it) etc. And then tell him at the end of the day and enter NC for 1-2 months before coming out of hiding and contacting add suggested on this site.
    We have been texting the way we used to (very positive) and I’ve maintained a positive attitude and been very supportive so hopefully he’ll miss that. My last words to him will be you’ll never find another girl like me and kiss him on the cheek. It’s the best plan I have.
    Ideas? :) sorry for typos or grammar issues this was written on my phone!

    • admin
      February 12, 2014 | 7:44 pm

      Have you read my guide on seeing an ex in person?

  37. v93
    February 3, 2014 | 3:08 pm

    So my 30days are up on the 14 of February i have not talked, texted, or Called my ex boyfriend imiss him so much he has not reached out to me either ihave been posting positive things in facebook and he has been liking my posts am i doing anything wrong as far as trying to get him back, and what should i do after my 30 days are up

  38. Ivy
    January 31, 2014 | 12:50 am

    Thanks for sharing this site. I have a question. My ex broke up with me last year. Since then I acted like begging him for the past 10 months. He said he only contacted me as a friend after 3 weeks of Nc. I started NC again on new year. I am getting tired of it so I did it. He texted me on the 27th and I still haven’t responded since 30 days was not up. Plus, all he texted me was “Ivy”. He didnt say anything else. now, idk how I feel anymore. Idk why he did that either. So if he should text me again. What should I say??

    • Carly
      January 31, 2014 | 10:46 pm

      P.S. He broke up with me because he felt that “the spark was gone” and said that it felt like we were married but not in a good way. We’ve never had a single fight, we always go along, and we had a very happy relationship. We’re both each other’s first loves and this is new to both of us.

      I think that our “infatuation stage” had been ending and our love was becoming even more mature, and maybe this scared him and caused him to break up with me on an impulse (even though he loves me). Can this work out?

  39. mickie
    January 30, 2014 | 3:52 am

    i did NC for 33 days and on the 33rd i msg him a very simple txt.. like is that you i saw at (place) earlier.. then in less than a min he replied saying he was at work.. then i’ve waited for 65 mins before replying so that it will not be obvious to him that im excited to talk to him.. but then after my 2nd msg he didnt reply anymore.. what should i do?

    • admin
      January 30, 2014 | 6:12 pm

      I wish you had sent him a better text to be honest.

      • mickie
        January 31, 2014 | 4:50 am

        you think its ok if i msg him again this sunday since its his day off? something like asking for help in my laptop since his the only one fixing it eversince..

        • mickie
          January 31, 2014 | 5:01 am

          what should i do chris.. pls help me=(

  40. Hope
    January 27, 2014 | 2:38 pm

    HELP! I was seeing a guy and made the mistake of drunk texting. He told me I was being “whiney and annoying” which really made me angry (especially since I’d been drinking) and I sent a very ugly text and unfriended him from FB. Next day when I sobered up, I tried to call him to apologize, but of course he didn’t answer. I also sent a fb friend request…. He ignored it. I sent a couple of texts apologizing over the next two weeks. I didn’t want to ruin any chances by begging, but I did want to apologize. I have heard nothing from him at all. The last time I sent him anything was before Christmas, so it’s been well over 30 days. Is there any hope? Or do I just give up? (He hasn’t blocked me on fb, I don’t know if that means anything.)

  41. Sarah
    January 22, 2014 | 7:22 am

    I’ve got a bit over a week of NC left and my ex texted me three days ago apologizing for being such a jerk to me about this whole thing (referring to events pertaining to our break up I guess..he broke up w me). When NC is up, how do I approach it? Do I answer his apology text? What do I say?
    Thanks so much I really appreciate it!

    • admin
      January 22, 2014 | 6:06 pm

      I would start an entirely new thread of conversation.

      • Sarah
        January 23, 2014 | 3:50 pm

        So when I finally text do I apologize for the delay, I’ve been busy lately? And so I don’t apologize for my wrongdoings?(although I already did, after we broke up )

  42. jessica
    January 19, 2014 | 4:20 am

    I implemented the no contact rule for 6 months and had blocked everything off phone, email, so I had no clue as to whether he even bothered to contact me or not. I came back to school after going on a research trip its been about 6 months I am fitter and look a bit different but a ‘good different’ according to my peers and with my luck he saw me the first day I came back to school. His eyes followed my every move according to my friends but my back was to him and I had a good time reconnecting with my classmates. From what I heard he has been having a ball flirting with girls left and right in my absence. Its been about two weeks and we randomly see each other all over campus our eyes always meet but neither one of us has approached the other instead its this whole weird ignoring thing but eye contact. I am planning on sending an group email in which he is included in regards to a research paper in two weeks time. I am hoping by then at least the ‘ice’ will break and one of us will do something other than stare. Good plan?

  43. Amanda
    January 17, 2014 | 8:04 pm

    Me and my ex havent been in contact for a little bit over 2 months based on my wish of not talking. We fought for 4 months after the break up.

    I sent him a text and he called me right after. I told him lets hang out on the weekend. he insisted on seeing me the next day for lunch.

    he was flirting and said he still loves me and how painful it was to him. He said he was sorry.

    our main issue is that he said he wanted to commit so many times and get engaged. Then he just wasnt ready for it so he broke up with me.

    anyways after lunch he took to a spot we used to go to and we kissed and he couldnt get his hands off me. lets just say we got really intimate!!!

    we both want to hang out again. but i know he isnt ready to commit.

    What do I do?

  44. Amber
    January 10, 2014 | 11:59 pm

    I am worried that if I don’t contact my ex for 30 days he will assume I don’t want him and none of this will work…??? What do I do?

    • SuperSan
      January 14, 2014 | 8:31 pm


      Was it you or your boy friend who ended this relationship ?

  45. Karin
    January 10, 2014 | 2:30 am

    Hi Chris,

    Quick question, will no contact work even in a situation where you tried to get them back for a month, tried NC after for 3 weeks and broke it? After breaking it I did a bit of texting after (not a gnat but light and sparse) then sent an email explaining what went wrong, what I valued and left it open for a future reconciliation. No response to email, it’s been 11 days … So 11 days of NC.

    • admin
      January 11, 2014 | 1:27 am

      It can. BUT you will have to do more than NC obviously.

      • Karin
        January 11, 2014 | 3:03 am

        Any suggestion? I’m kinda blind to the obvious right now.

        • admin
          January 12, 2014 | 3:16 am

          Suggestions? For what. Sorry I lost the context of our conversation.

          • Karin
            January 12, 2014 | 5:04 am

            Suggestions on what to do next? I did NC, broke it, at beginning of December, had light texting after to which he responded but did not initiate, I sent an email at the en of December and he did not respond. I ended up calling him today, no answer so I texted saying I had a question regarding my car and asked him to call me back. He texte back 5 hours later about it, so I asked if we could talk on the phone. It was pleasant, in the end I said we should get together that it’s been a while and he said sure…he has kids so he had to look at his schedule and he’d let me know when. What do you think?

  46. Leighanne
    January 7, 2014 | 2:54 am

    My ex and I had an ending where he totally the last set of my texts, so I feel like I can’t send something random when I do text. Would it be ok for my first text after NC to be an apology for my over emotional behavior?

  47. Annie
    January 3, 2014 | 7:32 am

    Hi Chris,

    It’s me again (I asked you on other posts few weeks ago but I think it’s been too outdated to continue on that so I do a new one here).

    Two more days to go then I’ll finish my 30 days NC and I’m going to make the first contact with him (he didn’t contact me at all during NC).

    Just to recap my story, I and my ex were in LDR, he broke up with me after a serious fight (my fault I admit). Then he blocked me from every ways of contacts, including his phone number. But 2 weeks ago, he unblocked me from FB (but still unfriend).

    Therefore, the only way I can contact him now is through FB message. Do you think it works? Should I just follow the FB message the way we do with text message?


  48. Heidy
    December 27, 2013 | 5:23 am

    Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. We lasted a year and he had a relationship with another person in those 2 month but it is now over! I read your page and followed the texting steps but as soon as I hit that sent button I get an immediate responds from the server saying my number was blocked from his phone! I saw him exactly a month ago while his ex girlfriend was out of the country and he had told me not to contact him because he had a girlfriend. So, I waited and I found out that they broke up and now she is going out with some other guy already! I reached him through fb but I know he is sleeping already because he works early so i’ll see if he answers tomorrow! Do you think he will answer me ? Oh and way before we saw each other a month ago he had called me out of now where for the first time since we had broken up to see if I was calling him ‘PRIVATE’ and I told him that I wasn’t cause that was the truth! So, any advice?

    • admin
      December 27, 2013 | 7:34 pm

      If you make your outreach compelling enough.

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