You Should Let Your Ex Come To You After A Breakup; Here's Why!

163 thoughts on “You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!”

Daneille Thomas

July 31, 2020 at 11:14 pm

Dating him for the second time. This time I thought it was good and we would make it…We have been seeing each other for 8wks we lived an hour apart and he had no car so we basically just texted, video and called each other. He got his car 3weeks a go and still no date. I felt as though I was wasting my time and he didnt want to be with me so I left the situation. I guess I need someone to tell me I did the right thing.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 1, 2020 at 10:14 pm

Hey Daneille, if you feel that you were wasting your time in the relationship then yes you did the right thing

Kris

July 23, 2020 at 11:24 pm

Hi – my ex and I broke up because I caught him in a lie. We didn’t date for that long so I’m wondering if because we only dated for 3 months if the rules still apply here. I’m not sure I even want him back, but I do still miss him. Even though we only dated for a short time, we talked consistently everyday and he put in consistent effort. After catching him in the lie, he apologized and quickly said that I would never trust him again. I was surprised that instead of trying to see how he could make things work, he just decided I would not forgive him and accepted things. So maybe he doesn’t want to work things out. Since the breakup he’s sent me a few things on Instagram that he says reminded him of me… thoughts about my situation?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 24, 2020 at 11:01 pm

Hey Kris, yes the rules still apply, but if your relationship was short you could follow a 21 day No Contact if you wanted to, but if you ended on bad terms 30 days may be best. It sounds as if he is open to talking to you in the future, so just follow the rules of NC work on yourself so that you are Ungettable and your ex realises that he has lost someone great.

Mags

July 22, 2020 at 8:19 pm

We dated 25 years ago, I reached out 8 months ago and we started seeing each other 6 months ago. He has a girlfriend but isn’t sure if he’s fully vested in this love and feels like he’s being pulled in 10 directions. He ended our relationship and I’ve been in NC for 3 weeks, he messaged after 2 weeks to see how I was. It seems to be getting harder as the days pass not easier. Uuuggghhh
Jo

June 28, 2020 at 6:02 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend and I broke up recently. We’re almost going to work It out then I decided to end things because he was already talking to someone else. I saw that he FaceTimed twice yesterday and called twice back, he didn’t answer or call back. What do I do? I want to work things out before the wedding we were suppose togo to in beginning of July.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 3, 2020 at 11:58 pm

Hi Jo, the first thing you should not do is set a deadline on yourself so that you are not trying to rush the process, you need to start with No Contact and work your way through the program.

Terry

June 22, 2020 at 6:11 pm

I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 years. It started off as just a hookup 1 time maybe two time a week or 1 time in 3 weeks. It was never consistent. After the first year it became a little more. Still hooking up but around this time we’ve gotten to know each other more and more built a friendship. Now I’m reaching in the second year and we became extremely close seeing each other daily talking everyday but no commitment. I have the strongest feeling for him and I love him. He doesn’t want anything serious with me still and now he’s even pulling away. I kept on asking and asking him why, why are we going backwards. And i feel I pushed him away. The other night I wanted to see him and he just simply said i” can’t” this is after a week of not being intimate or doing anything. I had questions so there I go asking away. And finally he just blew up and told me all these awful things about me. You’re so demanding, you’re such a distraction, do something else without me, I couldn’t believe him. I finally said are you talking to someone else he said no and that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore either. I begged why and if that’s what he wanted. Now he’s not responding at all and I feel like my world is crashing. I don’t even know what to do at this point. I don’t want to lose him
Nicole

June 18, 2020 at 12:43 pm

I am currently 5 months pregnant. Me and my boyfriend broke up before( same situation) now he’s broken up with me again.( We broke up because I told him he needs to grow up he’s about to be a father and he needs to get with the program)
I graciously accepted the breakup text and moved on to us having a conversation as far as how is this going to work with us co parenting; I wanted to follow up his break up text with okay let’s talk about co parenting- he stated a lot was going on in his head and he needed to wrap his mind around it all and he didn’t want to talk right now but we will talk soon”
I DIDNT RESPOND
But I do feel furious hurt confused betrayed probably every emotion
What is the best course of action here?
I followed no contact before and it worked with him coming back to want to be together
What do I do now??????? Please help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 18, 2020 at 5:25 pm

Hey Nicole, so you would go back into a No Contact, but this time follow the rules of limited NC where you would only speak to him about baby. While its normal to feel all those emotions just keep doing what is best for you and baby right now

Emily

June 12, 2020 at 6:37 pm

We were together over a decade, from a young age and share children.

How do I make this work when I have to have contact surrounding the children? They are very small and I have to be around him for him to see the youngest as he is breast fed.

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 12, 2020 at 8:49 pm

Hi Emily you need to read and follow the advice for the Limited no contact

Sarah

May 30, 2020 at 12:00 am

I was with my boyfriend for 6 months. We have a long distance relationship. The covid thing has made seeing each other hard, which has brought up his issues of the distance. It’s been an issue before, and I just give him space and he comes back within a few days. He is mostly the initiator for calling, and I was sure he was choosing this even tho it was hard.
Two weeks ago we had a hick-up on communication, and this caused an argument. We were both in the wrong because he called but I never received the call (he always ft me, and I live in Hawaii, so many times I don’t get good service). He text me he was tired and was going to bed, but would call me the next day. I implied that as him not wanting to talk, so I let it be. In the morning he text me to check on me, and I shared my disappointment of not getting the call. His response was clear he had and he was upset, but it caused a major ripple effect. He got upset and then said he was confused. We went four days without connecting with me and when we did (that time initiated by me), I shared that although this is hard, good things come from hard work. He shared he didn’t understand why he’s confused, and that he was nervous of me coming out if things didn’t work out.
I took a couple days sitting on that (and not hearing from him), and I decided it best for me not to come. I told him that this decision was hard, but I’ve heard how he’s feeling and didn’t want to come with hopeful expectations and end up getting hurt. I encouraged him to take time to figure out what he really wants, because his happiness was most important to me and that I didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t 100% about being with me. It really has been up and down, and hard for me, he comes from past hurts (who doesn’t), so he’s super guarded and I think maybe doesn’t fully trust me because of his past.
He responded apologizing for his confusion and he isn’t sure what’s going on. He said he’s having a spiritual and mental battle, but he knows no matter what God is In control. He also said he was hoping for a reset over the weekend away (he was going to see his new grandson), and that he cares about my heart and understands how I’m feeling. He said he’d like to remain friends and even come see me with her daughter within the next month if I was ok with that. He said that he knows if we are meant to be God will show us both and make a way.
I did not respond to his text, because mostly I was a hot mess, but also felt he implied he’d reach out. I didn’t feel he needed the answer in that moment to come or not.
We are a week out from that text, and I’ve heard nothing. I haven’t contacted him, but am now fearing me not saying anything has upset him. I know I shouldn’t (and I won’t) reach out to him. I’m just overwhelmed wondering if we can make this work, and if he really cared.
I am with him, because although the distance really is hard, he is an amazing person. We click so good when we are together. Normally I wouldn’t go a month without us seeing each other, but being in Hawaii, leaving and coming means a mediatory 14 day Quarantine at home. I am a public figure, and run a non-profit, and also do a lot in the community, so I couldn’t just come without organizing a ton to make it happen. I saw him last, two months ago, and so I know that’s hard for a relationship. I just need some sound advice to keep me moving forward and trusting that if he cares he’ll reach out.
Sammie

May 27, 2020 at 12:09 pm

I’d been dating this guy about once a week (but texting every other day) for 2 months and right around the time we started to get more serious, he started to show less interest over text and less asking to see me. A couple weeks later I brought up my concerns and he shared with me that he was also seeing someone else and that things got serious with both of us around the same time and that he’s been confused because he likes us both equally. I told him he needed space to figure out what he wants because I need to be with someone who invests in me and I said I needed to focus on a project at work anyway… but we said we would figure out what to do after that. A couple weeks later I texted him to let him know my project was over. We had a very little bit of small talk over text the following days and I haven’t heard from him since (it’s been about a week). We met online so he has no way to see what I’m up to in my life and I’m afraid he’s getting closer to her in he mean time. Should I go back to no contact and wait for him to reach out? Should I send a text saying I’m done waiting and then go into NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 11:33 am

Hey Sammie, so I would suggest that you work on the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable, and also take a look at the being there method. If he is still spending time with the other women when he is trying to make a decision you need to be sure that you do not react emotionally you just need to remain in control and show him you know your worth and it isn’t second place.

Qawanna

May 10, 2020 at 7:49 pm

Hi I Am brushae and I have been with my boyfriend for 90 Days he was chasing me and I didn’t really like him I gave him a chance he wants me with him everyday.i noticed a couple of times at night he goes in the garage for a hour or upstairs and gets in the bed late with me he Said he is smoking a cigar or doing something upstairs I feel like it’s pornography.7 days ago I walked out of house and he called me the same night I left and I told him I was at home and I have not called him to explain why I left. I was upset because he disappeared upstairs for a hour while we were looking at movie and I was fed up.I have walked out on him before but we would be right back after a couple of days.should I reach out to him to see what he is doing when he goes upstairs or in the garage or just keep waiting
Lindsey

May 1, 2020 at 7:36 pm

My ex picked a fight out of nowhere, packed up and left me a week ago. He’s not been in contact at all and blocked me on social media. I feel lost and depressed since he left. I broke down and mailed him a letter yesterday. I want him back but know he needs space right now. I just don’t know how to move forward and if he’s not coming back, feel like I at least deserve some explanation or type of closure.
Melania Pop

April 28, 2020 at 7:44 am

Hi, i’ve just read your article and thought i will drop you a line.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly three years (engaged for just over a year).

In the current situation, under the lockdown, we live apart. We never lived together, the plan was to move in after our wedding in July this year.

About a week ago, we had an argument over text messages. For couple of weeks i felt that something has shifted, like he didn’t have the time to speak to me anymore or like he wasn’t really there when he called me. So I’ve mentioned to him after our argument and his response was that for a week or so he felt like something is missing, that we going through the motion. And as we chat he said that he doesn’t know if he still loves me although he would tell me and text me every day that he loved me.

I was very confused:this is a man who told me every day how much he loved me, that he felt lucky to have had found me (we said to each other), that he never felt this way for anyone before. We had plans to get pregnant in summer after the wedding, hr even picked up our child’s name. During our relationship he was the one contacting more than i would do, texting me every morning, during the day, calling me.

He started a new job over a month ago which he really enjoys, and told me that filled up a big void in his life.

So he asked me to give him some time to figure out what’s happening with him. I’ve agreed to it, our last contact was last Wednesday, just a breath text message.

I don’t want to contact him, and i hope i will stay strong. I just don’t know what to do at the moment. I live on my own and the fact that he hasn’t checked on me to see if im ok, its really hard to comprehend. He is like a total different person.

I look forward to your thoughts.

Melania

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 5, 2020 at 9:48 pm

Hi there Melania, so I would say that if he is asking for space that he is questioning what he wants from the relationship that you need to allow him that time. Where you make it clear you are not sat at home waiting to hear from him. If he then ends the relationship you go into a full NC for 30 days.

Lisa

April 23, 2020 at 7:56 pm

Hi,
My ex dumped me and said he was unsure about the relationship and wasn’t in love. He lives in NYC and I’m in Chicago now. It’s been 3 weeks since we split, we were together for 1 year. The last thing I did was apologise for certain things, told him I loved him and that he should reach out when he’s ready.

Have I messed this up completely or is there still a chance he could come back? We have gone into no contact for the past week. Reading your post it seems like I screwed this one up by saying all those things in the end. Please reply.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 1, 2020 at 8:13 pm

Hey Lisa, as long as you are not following a No Contact now and not reaching out and continue to apologise then you are going to be able to be able to work on your Holy Trinity and give it some time before reaching out to your ex again

Ivanoa

April 19, 2020 at 5:47 pm

Hello,
My situation isn’t so much about a. Ex but about a guy I was dating. We been dating for two months, talked every night on face time and text here and there throughout the day. I am not going to lie, but I started acting very needy and insecure. I started double texting him questioning him and at sometimes I would even start an argument for no reason. Eventually this guy had it with me and called it off. We talked on the phone and somehow I persuade you give us another chance. I apologized for my immature behavior and I told him that I’m really not like that, that I’ve been acting off because I tend to get scared due to previous failure relationships. He agreed for us to start fresh. However, he is distant still and I’m not sure how to proceed. Should I wait and let him come to me? I don’t want to suffocate him again. Please advised!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2020 at 7:39 pm

Hi Ivanao, yes I would match his word count and effort of texting

Megan

April 18, 2020 at 3:41 pm

We have been together for 2,5 years. The last 6 months were long distance because I moved to another country for an internship. He broke up with me in the begging of March over skype. He said he is not sure if he can give me what I want and that we are very different and he felt he does more compromises. Middle of March I flew to him to talk in person and take my things. Then he said that breaking up was my decision and that he accepts me now as a friend even though he said in the last skype that he likes me. I did 30 days no contact and then reached out to him. He answers, however, does not ask anything back. We are now in different countries. Not sure if I should reach out again and try to have a positive conversation with him or try to talk to him because I feel there was a lot of miscommunication between us when breaking up.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2020 at 8:58 pm

Hi Megan I would suggest that you keep having small positive talks and picking up the momentum gradually – I also would suggest that you avoid having any emotional conversations just allow it to build up slowly to him investing more into talking to you

Amy

April 15, 2020 at 6:48 am

We split 3 weeks agreed to meet for lunch I went to see him he been full on with another woman texts etc and sex sites. Deleted all messages cause I wanted to read them. Now I dont know if I have any trust at all to be together. He says I am the only woman he wants he sorry…..I am confused as to if I can be with someone who moves on within days and now wants me back..hiding texts, calls, what’s he doing on pc. Can I trust him. Messed my head up.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 22, 2020 at 10:00 pm

Hey Amy, I am sorry but I can not tell you if you can trust him or not all you can do is set boundaries in your relationship so that he is not doing those things if you are not around or behind your back

Neha Verma

April 14, 2020 at 1:50 pm

we broke up last week wednesday for no reason.He said he is not able to maintain this relationship with me.
I am focusing on my work and personality.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2020 at 9:01 pm

Hi Neha, thats a good move to focus on yourself, make sure to stick to NC for 30 days minimum

Neha

April 9, 2020 at 3:11 pm

Hi Guys,
That is true,i make my boyfriend was my world and he knew it.he said don’t treat me like god please.
And he said don’t call me,i do not like spend time on calls,he broke up with me yesterday.
I will not contact him,i will wait for his text.
I really want him back in my life i love him so much.
Please suggest me some good things.
He said to me,you are perfect girl but i cant give my time to you,i want to be single.i don’t want any relationship,
It was 3 month old relation only, we had sex n all.Please suggest something for me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 9, 2020 at 9:19 pm

Hi Neha, so you need to complete your NC for 30 days and then start your texting phase reaching out and having short positive conversations with your ex about things you know he would be interested in talking about. Then you need to work your Holy Trinity and being Ungettable.

Gabby

April 3, 2020 at 11:38 pm

December 12th my boyfriend broke up with me after 9 months of being together. His reason was he just wasn’t happy. I wouldn’t say our relationship was toxic. Now looking at it, it was our communication. He also has some things that he was dealing with internally and mentally that I think effected our relationship when we started having problems and I think got to a point for him where he couldn’t take it and didn’t know what to do. I would say that the breakup didn’t end in us fighting or arguing. It was a mature thing and he talked to me and told me that’s what he wanted. I know he still deeply loves me. Since the night of the breakup I went straight to no contact. It has not been an easy thing. It’s been hard but then April 1st he finally reached out to me after 4 months of him not reaching out. April 12th will be officially 4 months since the breakup. But it felt soo good to finally see his name pop up on my phone. He actually called me instead and not txted. I would say I handled it pretty well. He asked how I was doing. He said he knows that he hadn’t reached out to me since everything. He said he wanted to call me and see how I was doing and how I have been. He told me that even though we may not be together that he still wants the best for me and that he wants to see me succeed in everything that I do and he’s routing for me. I had asked him how he was doing. At first he said good and then he said not good. I asked why he says that and he said he didn’t really want to talk about it. Then before we hung up he did say there are things that he’s going through that are complex and he doesn’t want to get into and talk about it but he says he know he will get through it. I said it’s totally fine and I understand. I love him soo much. I would love for us to try again that’s why I am still sticking with no contact and just doing my own thing and making him come to me. I feel like we are meant to be but it was just wrong timing for us. Don’t know when he will reach out again.
Samantha

March 20, 2020 at 7:43 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 months and everything was moving forward in a great way. About a month in he got a promotion he had been working very hard towards and he started working long days and was noticeably stressed. I noticed this and tried to not put any pressure on him from my end and gave him support and space. Fast forward things took a turn within hours from everything was normal to he wanted a break/needed space and time. He said he felt like he has been a horrible boyfriend recently because of how demanding work has been and he wants to give me more but he just can’t at the moment and doesn’t know when. He said he has had this bad feeling in his stomach for not putting 100 % in. He said he has been battling this because he is so happy with me but that he doesn’t want me to slowly resent him because he can’t give me everything he wants to right now. I told him I’m not interested in doing a break, that I don’t want to be in limbo for who knows how long. So we ended up breaking up about two weeks ago and we haven’t spoken since then. I have so much hope that things could work out once things calm down in his life because there’s so much potential for us and I respect his decision. It’s just difficult feeling like I was the thing in his life that had to go when things got tough. He also said he hoped we could still stay friends but I told him I just don’t think I can do that. I just don’t know if once I finish no contact if I should try and be his friend or is it finished?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 28, 2020 at 5:25 pm

Hi Samantha so if you want him back as a partner then you need to avoid being his friend. You need to complete a No contact and then from there reach out with the texting that Chris suggests. If he was to start dating someone else then I would suggest you look into the being there method but for not just focus on the holy trinity and becoming Ungettable so that your ex regrets losing you

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163 thoughts on “You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!”