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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Post categories
Lauren
January 19, 2016 at 12:05 am
Hey Chris, so my boyfriend of almost 2 years just broke up with me 4 days ago over the phone(because long distance for his college) and I was not expecting it so I kinda freaked out/begged. and we didn’t speak until I sent him a text today the text said I’m sorry for how I was negative/put pressure on him/didn’t appreciate. He replied saying he’s so happy to hear that we will have to only be friends but I’ll always be his first love and hold a special place in his heart. This kinda hurt because I don’t want it to be over and it felt like a good bye. Do we still have a chance? In your honest opinion. And what’s next? I don’t want it to be over 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 5:24 am
Hi Lauren,
Everybody has a chance it may not be 100% but there is. Don’t lose hope. You just broke up. There’s still time for you to give it a try to change his mind. I think you should do the no contact steps. Let him miss you. And then try to start over again by slowly texting him in a friendly way that leads to flirting later on.
Ew
January 17, 2016 at 10:09 am
Hi Chris,
Have a situation I didn’t really find discussed in any of your articles yet: it is my ex who actually said he needed time to forget about me and the bad things from our past relationship. It is then him doing no contact on me, at least he initiated it. It started in early Dec last year, then he called me at Xmas, then I did call him with B-day wishes last week. After that I started counting from 0 as if it were my own NC and am determined to finish it, I do realise the NC time should be for me in the first place now and that I do need to heal too. I don’t really know how long he is planning to continue with “his” NC, not sure if he knows either, but feeling like it might be closer to 3 months.. I am not really planning to reach out to him first as it was him stating the NC and as long as he doesn’t figure out he does want me nothing I do by contacting him can really make him change his mind. Needless to say, I did all the begging and probably made all the mistakes you mention in other places on the site.. What’s your advice? Best to move on without moving out? Can’t really see myself reaching out first, would seem desperate and that’s not gonna help me, is it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Hi ew,
just try. looking desperate depends on how you do it and how often but not because you tried first
Fifthwave
January 16, 2016 at 12:01 pm
Hey Chris or Amor,
My boyfriend broke up with me.
I have tried to use your podcast and I love it! I love listening to your advice and helping other women to get their ex-boyfriends back. It is actually quite heart warming.
However, I have tried to contact you through your podcast but it didn’t work. I spent hours last night reading your website about different strategies as to how to get my boyfriend back and all sound very promising. I rarely say this but, I LOVE YOU! In the friendliest of contexts, of course.
My boyfriend and I of ten months broke up three weeks ago and when he called it off; I was a wreck. I stopped eating and I could barely focus on anything around me except that fact that I had lost him. I am indeed a teenage girl, fifteen actually, and I know it sounds silly for me to be reacting this way at such a young age – but I adored him and I hated the idea of breaking up with him. When we first started dating, we were both new to the whole area so we were extremely awkward at first (struggled to even say hello in the morning). But as the months progressed, we became more comfortable with each other and soon we were able to hug, kiss, talk endlessly and I could be myself around him. He was my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss and we learned the basics and importance of a relationship together.
We have broken up before. I ended it the first time because I felt as if I was holding him back. However, during the whole weekend I thought it would be best to not contact him but as reality tends to kick in at the worst of times… As soon as I broke up with him; I regretted it. We texted and called all weekend and by Monday lunchtime at school – we were back together. It was from that moment on I knew I didn’t want to lose him again and tried my best to keep the relationship alive. That was no struggle. We share the same music interests, we both love Doctor Who, like sport and we had known each other for twenty-four months (10 of those months dating). He was like my best friend and boyfriend all rolled into one perfect human being.
We did fight too. He would get jealous of my guy friends and I would get jealous of his lady friends. But in the end we always sorted it out and we swore not to let it get in the way again. Ha. Ha. Ha. One of the things we did not have a common interest in, is soccer. He loves soccer and plays it on the oval every recess and lunch. I didn’t mind that he played whilst I watched, but one day he got really close with a girl I was jealous of. Of course I told him and he asked me to play soccer with him to help the jealousy. The fact that he was trying to help me get over the jealousy was enough to tell me that he cared about me. I told him that I didn’t need to because I believed him that he liked me and not her; but with every lunchtime I didn’t play soccer with him, the more grumpy and snappy he would become towards me. That’s when I picked up an interest in football (AFL) and started to play that with a few friends. At first, he joined in but after a while, he went back to soccer and I stayed playing AFL. On a Friday lunchtime, I was playing AFL with my friend and his girlfriend. My boyfriend was playing soccer but kept giving me suspicious and distant looks – in which during fifth period, resulted in the cold shoulder.
We fought after school over text and as we do, we fought fire with fire and even more fire. It was like every other fight and I decided to go for a walk to clear my thoughts and think it over. When I got back I received a text saying “It’s over, I’m sorry.”
I sent him paragraphs of sorry messages, proclaiming my love for him and how much I wanted to make things right again. Of course that didn’t work, it only pushed him away even more. That’s when I fell ill due to stress and was told to have the last week of term 3 off. I did. During the week, we texted and fought and texted and fought. But we even discussed the positives and the fun things we did in our relationship. The things we love. It was a week after we broke up, on a Friday, I asked him out and he said yes. I was so happy, I told my mum and dad and they were both very supportive. But the next day he broke up with me again. He said that he didn’t want to fight anymore and the “feelings weren’t as strong”.
So what did we do? Fought. For two days straight.
Ever since then he has been contacting the girl I am most jealous of, but she has a crush on another guy and they are really cute together. I just need your help to get him back! He has said things like,
“I don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
“Get over me.”
“We aren’t getting back together.”
At school we act as if we don’t even know each other and I get on the bus, burst into tears and lock myself away in my room. Wednesday last week, he touched my leg and said we needed to talk. After that he would do his usual habit and write on the most ticklish part of my forearm. But when I went to talk to him, he brushed me off. Three times in a row. Once after school, Once after recess and once during class. I began to lose hope.
From then on, I play footy at recess and lunch. I have started little athletics, lost weight and go for runs. I have training in about five minutes actually! But I am trying to purchase your book without my parents finding out and it’s killing me because I know they will…I just want my boyfriend back. I cannot get your book and I have even signed up for your daily email Sarah and Kai thing and I am waiting for my second email tomorrow… so this is my last resort. I am begging you, Chris. I need your help to get my boyfriend back….
Hopefully you receive this…he was so important to me and I’m not ready to let him go. I want to try and get him back.
Yours sincerely,
FifthWave
Fifthwave
January 17, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hello Amor!
Thank you heaps for replying! It brought tears to my eyes how warming and supportive your response was…it has definitely been a life changing experience and there has been a lot of lessons learned 🙂
There’s a slight update now :”) the school year has come to an end and it was as if over the last week of school – we became closer because I did what you mentioned above; showed how happy I was without him and limiting my contact with him in person and on social media. However he has turned cold and it’s been three weeks into the school holidays and he has pretty much cut off all contact with me so perhaps that gives us a chance for a clean slate into the new year?
I cannot thank you enough for such a heart warming response, we are so truly lucky to have you on the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website and team! I think I speak for many girls out there…thank you and welcome 😀 I have confided to my parents quite a bit in this topic, especially my mum as she knows how hard it gets…she told me that she doesn’t mind if we get back together, hang out or just stay friends; as long as he treats me properly.
So with a new year approaching, hopefully I can patch things up with him…even if I do not get him back, perhaps we will remain friends. I do miss him enormously, but that’s how the teenage brain works! xD
Thank you so much,
Fifthwave 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 10:53 am
Thank you fifthwave! I’m touched with your response too. That’s a good goal, patching things up first. Time has always proven to be a great help with that and you’ll only know why he’s cold once you meet again. So, it’s good that you’re willing to wait. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Hi Fifthwave,
I miss being in highschool because of your story. By the way, thank you for signing up in our newsletter. 🙂
It’s nice you know that you’re young but your reaction is normal with your age. I dated the same age as you are and the break ups then was actually harder to handle for me because of my feelings. The hurt tend to last longer, maybe because the teenage brain runs that way.
You’re very blessed to have supportive parents. Have you tried confiding in them as well? You don’t need to say all the details to them. Just how you feel and ask them what you can do about it.
I admire you chose to spend your time productively with sports! Keep doing that because it doesn’t just help physically but emotionally too.
You know, you’ve been doing great with your choices lately. But to be honest with you, it’s easier to get back in a relationship when you’re seeing each other in school 5 days a week. But because of that also, it’s harder to implement the no contact rule but, it can be done.
One of the ways that can help you get him back is by going back to how you can be happy without him. Limiting your contact with him helps a lot. If you can do a no contact period without appearing to purposely avoid him is better.
Keep in mind it’s not a 100% guarantee of course. But even if you don’t get him back after that, you only lose sadness and gain the skill of generating your own happiness.
Human beings in general gravitate towards happy people, especially happy people that they can relate to. You mentioned that you got into a lot of fights, which is normal because your emotions tend to run high but that can be one of the reasons why he wanted distance.
It’s like from being best friends, you two became frenemies (which actually I don’t believe that a real friend can be your enemy at the same time) but you get the point.
Men want something of high value that they can’t easily get. As a person, being of high value means honing your talents and skillset and having good character and setting up your standards.
I know this might sound weird or maybe a clichè but, just enjoy this chapter of your life because whatever happens, someday you’ll smile remembering how you handled all this.
Analisa
January 15, 2016 at 1:36 pm
Dear Chris, really happy that I found your website. I hope you will be able to help me with the information I give. I am only just doing NC. It’s been a year and 6 months since the break-up. My situation is very different. In the first year we communicated and we both bottled up all the hurt and anger, because we had an important oral exam to prepare for. I basically said it was me, all my fault and I left the country. During the first year he kept asking if we were together but I was really angry with him. I eventually told him we would speak about it when I return and that he shouldn’t give up on us. I’m an Introvert and he is an Extrovert . We were together for 6 years so it was a difficult period as it was the first relationship and first break-up for both of us and we had been studying to be doctors for so long that our final exam was approaching and so important that we needed to focus on that and not on our break-up. After the exam, at the start of the last 6 months, lets say all that bottled up emotions after the break-up came flying around like fireworks gone bad. We argued, talked, had dinner, lunch, he got angry, shouted, I begged, celebrated graduation, I begged again and cried for days, called A LOT and messaged A LOT – many times, he was angry but caring (He is a Taurus). After the cycle of begging and crying for about 3 months, I moved away to another country (we are both from other countries). Since then (the last 3 months) we have been speaking. I do most of the initiating communication (95 percent). I try to keep my cool but I am still hurt (I was the one who did the break-up, so I figured he must also be hurt and confused now that he finally knows what I blamed him for. In the last 3 months sometimes he never responds to my text and then I don’t speak to him for 10-14 days and when I text after this he responds – He also doesn’t like to text so we end up speaking on Skype face-to-face or on whatsapp. I keep asking him to work on our relationship but he says we will talk tomorrow or later about this and then I don’t hear from him after many days, until I call again. Anyway, after I read your website I realize that I was messing up everything and now I am on day 21 NC and my question to you is: Should I do more than 30 days NC because I begged. I’m asking because I am doing NC but it’s been a while since the actual brake-up. Today would have been 35 days NC but he called me on my birthday and I answered. Then I screwed up and messaged him after two days to wish him Merry Christmas and he never replied. Thank you for taking the time read my post and to answer my question.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 9:11 am
Hi Analisa,
Don’t blame yourself. We all make mistakes and 30 days is alright Analisa but if you’re gut tells you, you should go for 35 days, go ahead. If you’re more comfortable with that number, no one’s stopping you. While in your NC Period, why not prepare your text messages for different scenarios too?
Formerly Amazing
January 14, 2016 at 7:40 pm
Hi Chris,
It seems like you are the best at this, let’s see what you can do with this complex situation!
I was with my bf for 2 years. He went through an UGLY divorce for the 1st year. He has 2 young girls(shared parenting) that look to me as their mom because their mom is 26 (I’m 33)and doesn’t want anything to do with them unless it benefits her somehow. Throughout the 2 years, she has thrown herself at him, neglected the kids, moved in with the guy she cheated on him with, screamed at him, gone back to flirting with him, caused drama to try to get us to break up, alienated him from his mother and step father, and 3 months ago started a custody battle. He still continues to placate her and kiss up (he calls it being civil for the kids).
I got mad at him a few times, and in the heat of the moment I said “I’m done!” and hung up on him. I would always call back the next day and he would say he can’t believe I stuck around as long as I did and he really wanted to marry me, but he thought I had broken up with him for good and he couldn’t blame me. I would explain I wasn’t breaking up, I just needed a cool down. He would be happy and we would go back to life as usual.
3 months ago he got papers in the mail that she was suing him for custody and child support. He spent over $10k in lawyers fees and said it would be better invested in a hit man. He despised her. Then she started flirting with him ALOT more(um you’re suing for custody and money, but trying to get him back?) He and I started fighting a lot more. 7 weeks ago, she showed up to his parent teacher conference with the kids and stood outside waiting for him to come out. Instead of saying hi to the kids and leaving, they all went to the book fair together. He called me afterwards, furious that she had shown up there and that she let the kids run wild the whole time and wasn’t even watching them(as usuall.) I was furious. I told him it was really stupid of him to go to the book fair with her, he just encouraged her behavior AGAIN. I told him I was officially breaking up with him because I wasn’t dealing with this insanity anymore.
3 days later I called, he came over for Thanksgiving, we talked for a week and decided to get back together(he asked). The next day he said he loves me very much but he needs time to get his custody situation dealt with, get his baggage (ex)dealt with so it doesn’t effect our relationship anymore. He hoped we could still talk. I gave him 3 days and asked if we could talk. He was a totally different person. He had never been angry with me before. He yelled at me and told me that I had kept telling him that I was done and that he knows ultimately that I would leave him. A week later he met me to bring me my things (I lived with him 4 days a week because I work far). He got there and was different again. He was sweet, he held me, he held my hands, he said maybe after he gets the custody stuff straightened out we could have a reset and start again. Also, he hadn’t brought all of my belongings that time and said he would meet me again to give them to me.(?)He gave me a passionate kiss, then pulled back and said he just felt cold and numb and had to figure out how he felt about me.
On Christmas(4 days after our meeting) he added his ex wife on facebook(yep the same one that he despises and who is falsely accusing him of neglect for custody and child support). I sent him a drunk text asking if he still had feelings for her and if I should be moving on. No response.
2 1/2 weeks later he contacted me and said he wanted to meet to get me one of the 2 things he still needed to get to me from his house. We met and he was cold and said he was “getting along” with his ex and he sees her in a “new light”. I asked if that meant they were going to work things out. He said “I have looked at it from every possible angle and I don’t see that it could ever be anything long term. I know I can’t trust her.” Later he hugged me and told me that I smell so good (like he used to) and then told me a big part of him wants to take me home with him but he knows that would take us right back to where we were so he had to be strong for both of us. 5 minutes later he said he would get ahold of me this weekend about getting me the final item out of his house, that he wasn’t going to say that it wasn’t a possibility that he would work things out with her, that he has to remind himself that he divorced her because them being together wasn’t good for the kids, and that he couldn’t guarantee that he and I would have a new beginning. He said he was so angry because when I broke up with him he realized he had been “pathetic” because he was so in love with me and that everything in his world revolved around me because he had never loved anyone the way that he loved me.( I wasn’t controlling, but he was like a puppy sometimes. We both did a lot to make the other happy and feel appreciated). He told me he loved me twice, but didn’t respond when I said it the third time when I left.
Soo, wtf? The more space I give him, the further away he gets and the more he goes towards her, and the more angry and confused he gets towards me. When he sees me he buckles, but then regroups. Can you make any sense of this? How should I act when I meet him to get my last item?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 12:16 pm
HI Formerly Amazing,
I think you’re still amazing. 🙂 It’s kind of puzzling what he’s relationship really is. I don’t think he’s pulling away. It looks like he left items for him to have a reason to see you again. Main point is, he has to make up his mind about his relationship with his ex and he has to be clear with it. YOu should the same too or this cycle will not end.
Jenny
January 13, 2016 at 8:04 pm
Hi Chris,
Thanks in advance for your help!
My boyfriend broke up with me in November because he “needs to work on himself”. He said he might date around but isn’t looking for a relationship at all. I did the NC rule for a month and we texted and talked on the phone through the holidays. I came back from the holidays and we met up twice- I thought things were going great and then this week he randomly texted me “please leave me alone”. I was really surprised by it and was wondering what your thoughts are on what I should do next? I feel like he gets scared and tries to shut me out of his life completely and I am worried that he will move on quickly since he sounds angry.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 10:08 am
Hi Jenny,
What made you think he’s scared?
Maria
January 13, 2016 at 3:20 am
Hey Chris I’ve left comments and questions but they haven’t been approved… I wanted to thank you forall the info here… Applying the NC rule has helped me feel stronger. But still i’d love to get my ex back so if you could shine some of your light onmy case I’d be forever grateful. My ex dumped me 30 days ago. He said there was no spark or chemistry left. He had complained about infrecuent sex, which I’ll admit I was having some issues there but I went to see sex therapist, (sadly after the break up) in an attempt to improve myself for him for myself and perhaps the next man in my life. I also lost some weight (most people have noticed) And Im getting a new hairstyle next week… All for me but ofcourse with hopes he will notice. He has not tried to contact me at all.. I’ve done the NC completely… I only stalked his instagram account twice the first week 🙁 he told me while dumping me that he felt atracted to every girl which really hurt… We had broken up before the final break up but got back together after 2 weeks of NC and with me suggesting we try again… The first break up was mostly mutual… I felt he was distant and not putting inthe effort he agreed and complained about lack of sex… The second breakup was all him dumping me. I begged and pleaded but he got annoyed and left. I started NC that instant. I don’t really know if i should even have hope… I feel he is out there having fun being single … I think i was a great gf but the sex issue is pretty big huh? Please help… Im going crazy wondering if i should contact him or just let go … He is very proud and stubborn i dont know how i could ever get him back a second time around. Sadly i hadnt read your stuff onthe first break up..thanks for any input you can help with.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 10:39 am
HI Maria,
Congratulations on your ongoing change. Honestly from what you said, if he gets attracted to every girl he sees in Instagram, then it’s easy to attract him physically. But you need to ask yourself if that’s how you really want to be treated? For now, continue loving yourself and improving yourself. That actually helps shed light on what your standards are because of new found confidence. Enjoy!
martha
January 12, 2016 at 7:39 pm
My fiance left me. We’ve been together a little over a year. He blames me says I make him unhappy. Which I don’t understand because I give him everything he wants or needs. I make sure to change anything that he doesn’t like. He’s an alcoholic and used to do a lot of drugs. He told me he stopped the drugs. That’s the only requirement I had before getting with him. I feel like maybe that’s why he left. He was tired of lying. I caught him in many lies. So that can build trust issues for me. I think He wants to party and live that single life. How do I get him back ? I’ve tried almost everything. I have no way to talk to him unless I call his job because he has no cellphone. I feel if you love someone and you go through so much with this person you’re not going to give up so easy. He’s a jerk yes. He’s always done things that were careless to me. For petty reasons. I just want him back. Were so great together Im good for him. I keep him out of trouble , better him when he will let me and I praise him for all the good I see. Its not ideal for me to wait months to get him back. I just found out some news and I don’t know if he will care. What do you suggest ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 11:28 am
HI Martha,
It’s very kind of you to want to be there for him especially when he needs you the most. But if he needs to change for the better it has to come from him. I hate to say this but you’re not his mom. Men don’t like to be mothered. If you love someone, don’t tolerate what hurts them. That’ doesn’t mean leaving him totally when he makes a mistake but, making a stand for it. Caring people tend to forget themselves then end up wanting to the care from the somebody else. You’ve been so busy giving everything he wants and needs, which is very noble but have you taken the time to ask yourself what you want and need?
Serena
January 11, 2016 at 6:59 pm
My ex boyfriend and i broke up last year when he suddenly was told by his “girlfriend” that she was pregnant. (i had no idea about her existence and according to him she was a fling that turned to pregnancy and he said he needed to assume his responsibilities and father the baby, but was going to find a way to still stay with me, but then blocked my phone number the following week.) I later found out from his friends that she was in fact a long term girlfriend and that i was a side-piece that he had intended to leave the girl for before she announced her pregnancy.
Anyway, i became super depressed for months because i loved him to bits and couldn’t believe that that was how it was going to end.
6 months later he told me that he was sorry and that he had found out that she wasn’t in fact pregnant, had never been, it was all a setup because he had told her that he wanted to leave her for me. i was ecstatic but didn’t want to look desperate, so i simply started to text him again as friends, thinking that obviously after hearing that news he had dumped her. nope. he had not. He said that he was being forced to stay with her because her parents were forcing him.
when i found out i still didn’t change my attitude so that he didn’t think i was still into him.
Months passed and at the end of the year he began saying that he still liked me and that he’s tired of being in a relationship with her by force and that he was getting both their parents and them to hold a meeting to explain that this forced relationship needs to come to an end. This was just before Christmas. On new year’s eve my friend texted me saying he saw my ex boyfriend flirting with his other ex. On the 2nd of January i saw pictures of him and his current girlfriend (whom he’s forced to be with) together on the beach frolicking and holding hands.
Two days ago i texted him, confronting him about why he lied so much about liking me and hoping for a chance when his forced relationship ends because i’m who he’s wanted to be with since day1 when he was in fact perfectly happy with her. He gave me a whole speech about how he was very serious with her at a time (when she was “pregnant” but then stopped loving her and wanted me but when she found out that he talked to me she started having suicidal thoughts and lost meaning of life so he gave her support and helped her recover from depression but now hes tired of doing that and wants to leave her but is scared she might do something regretful if he does. So i’m beyond confused about what he wants. he says he’s going to end things with her, but then flirts with his ex, and then tells me he loves me. last night i told him everything i felt for him and even sent him a song that always reminds me of him. and he only replies this morning with a “how are you?”. i wanted so bad to ignore him but eventually said “i’m okay”.
i have obviously made a huge fool of myself and i can’t help the weakness i have for him that makes me lose control when it’s him i’m dealing with. i know i look extreeeemely desperate in his eyes now and have no idea what on earth to do right now because despite all this maniac business he’s still the only guy i’ve ever loved so intensely and still do.
please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 11:19 am
Hi Serena,
I think it’s best you answer these questions yourself.
How much do you love yourself? Is it enough to impart some to others or do you need to get it from someone else?
How old is he that he can’t make his own decisions?
If he’s seeing/talking with his other ex, current girlfriend and you at the same time, he doesn’t seem to be a having hard time doing it, isn’t he?
Do you believw his reasons?
Jessica
January 11, 2016 at 4:26 am
Hi Chris, please help me. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years but recently we had a fight and he said he doesnt know how long until he cant take it any more so i suggested taking a break. After 3 days i regretted it and asked him to be back together again but he kept saying he needs space. Then after 4 days i asked him again and he kept saying he needs a break then i broke up with him. But it was too painful so i begged for him back but he kept saying even if we are back we are still gonna have the same issues. He texted me few days later and i asked again to be back together but he didnt reply. I feel like i screwed up this relationship by being needy and demanding to see him a lot and texting a lot. Please help me. Should I do NO CONTACT ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 11:48 am
Hi Jessica,
For me, definitely. Do it for yourself. Do it to have clean slate. Do it to establish your ground and also to build yourself and collect your thoughts and train yourself to be more emotionally intelligent. You can do it Jessica! Use this time for you.
Tina
January 10, 2016 at 9:39 pm
Hi Chris! I recently found your site and love all the articles on here. I’ve found myself in a bit of a strange situation and wondered if you had any insight. My bf and I dated for about 8 months. Things were really great but as a self-proclaimed commitment-phobe, he got spooked my requests for being more open with each other (though he had agreed to exclusivity and titles, etc). He was also planning on coming home with me for the holidays and meeting my family, which probably added to the strain. He broke up with me and offered to be friends but I told him I couldn’t right away. I did NC for two weeks but then asked him if he wanted to get back together. He thanked me for asking but never gave me an answer and so I continued to ask him at varying intervals. Maybe 4 times over an 8 week period and he never gave me a definitive answer.
He ended up taking me to the airport and picking me up when I got back. I asked him one more time if he would consider getting back together or at least give me a straight answer and he finally told me that his mind was made up. I agreed to try to be just friends and so far it hasn’t been so bad. We are constantly in contact and we spent a few days together so he could help me find a car. He has been acting the way he was when we were together though I am still initiating most of the contact. I am wary of falling into old patterns, where do I go from here?
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 8:46 am
Hi Tina,
Hmm, first don’t ask him for the mean time. Since you still have connection, Make him want you. Be the ungettable girl.
Nicole
January 10, 2016 at 9:01 pm
My ex fiancé and I of three years broke up and I am devastated. We have a two year old son and I am pregnant with our second child. The break up was bad. At the end of our relationship there was a lot of fighting and neither one of us was putting in any effort. He never wanted to be around and I was just plain mean to him when he was because I was angry. The breakup was bad he was very awful about it and I was pathetic and begged a lot. He wanted nothing to do with me. He ignored me almost entirely. Well finally I started the no contact after a very messy breakup and after moving out of his house. Once I was gone he was awful. Well then I started no contact and now he’s contacting me. I feel like I need space right now and that is why I’m happy about the no contact rule. I know we both need some space to decide what is right. Right now I want him back and I don’t think he is at that point and I’m not sure he ever will be again. But I do know since the no contact he has contacted me daily. Unless it’s about our child I do not reply. First was an apology of him saying sorry things have been so un civil I want to be civil for our kids. I ignored him and the next day he texted me asking to see our kid so I replied and said sure let me know what time. Well then no response. So I just left it and said nothing. A few hours later he texts me telling me the lies and rumors going around need to stop so we can be civil. Even though all the messy stuff happened over a week ago he is now confronting me about it even though there are no lies from me. So I ignored that also well the next day our son was sick and I told him he’ll have to wait to see him. So later in the day I get a call from him which I ingnored. Twenty minutes later he texted me asking to talk to our son so I let him and then made sure to minimally talk to him he asked for him overnight the next day I said yes, and he started to say something else and I cut him off and said okay goodbye he said talk to you later and I hung up. He ignored me for weeks, didn’t care to talk to our child and wasn’t talking about anything. Now he is daily finding some reason to get in contact. I’m not sure if it is him trying or if I’m thinking to far into it. I’m not really sure what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 8:53 am
Hi Nicole,
First, the baby in your tummy is first priority. Avoid negativity as much aa you can. But actually you’re doing great on how to handle him. As for your question,maybe better to make sure that he is really serious in changing himself to be back as your partner in life.
Nicole
January 14, 2016 at 12:56 pm
This whole thing has started over again. He texted me twice asking why I blocked him from Facebook. I only deactivated it. And I ignored him then he proceeded to say “Okay. I guess we just don’t talk anymore.” I ignored once again and then he made some rude comment about wanting the pictures of our son off my Facebook so I put my Facebook back up so he could see it was still there and get the pictures he wants. Maybe I’m reading to far in? Maybe he’s just being friendly for our child’s sake. I really don’t know anymore. I dropped my child off with his sister at 9 am which he knew I was doing and he then proceeds to call me asking where our son is when he knew I dropped him off at his house with his sister to me as a way of rubbing in my face he wasn’t home? He could’ve just went hom as he was supposed to and saw our child at his house he didn’t need to call me. Im pretty sure he’s got someone else, he’s keeping secret if he does but I’m pretty sure there’s another girl in the picture. I don’t know, I’m so confused. He randomly texts me things or calls me for pointless reasons. And I have been just ignoring it all unless about our child. He has switched his tune and gives me money for our son and tries to talk to me and explain things going on his life and I just politely redirect the conversations to our son and leave when exchanging out child. Am I crazy? Is he just trying to be friends for our child’s sake or is he trying to string me along for when he needs a back up. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. He’s so back and fourth. It’s driving me nuts, I love him and I want to make it work but I think he might be done. I think he just doesn’t like me moving on with my life. And not begging for him anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 9:22 am
Hi Nicole,
It would be a great blessing for your kid if you two will get back together. But if you two are not getting along, and you’re having trust issues then you’re going fight later on, it could leave bad memories for your child. Work on being a good mom and building yourself as an individual for now. Try to stop thinking about what he’s up to or who he’s with lately. If he’s sending mixed signals, then wait for a good timing to ask him nicely where he’s really at with you and your child’s life. In the end, it’s a win-win situation for you, if you focus on yourself and your son first. Men like chasing women but women should know how to make men chase us, not the around way around.
Nicole
January 11, 2016 at 3:35 pm
He didn’t like the no contact and proceeded to start telling me how he’s not doing this because he doesn’t love me, and he’ll always be there for me, and I deserve so much better than him, I can be happier without him and of course I being weak and in love with him responded. All for him to ignore me once again once he knew ha had me back to wanting him a week after minimal contact, because of our kids. So I don’t know what to do I can’t tell if he’s stringing me along or if he even cares or not. Now I have to start minimal contact over and it’s hard but I don’t like being played like a fool and that’s what he’s doing. Is there any hope? Or am I just wasting my time. Should I start fresh with the 30 day minimal contact like I did today. I’m going to because I need space myself. Whether or not he wants me back in the end minimal contact is what’s best for my emotions he’s messing with. Either way I would appreciate any advice at all. Thank you. Im desperate here. It’s hard to go through this with someone who is nice one second and cold the next.
Ashley
January 5, 2016 at 5:40 pm
OK Chris..so I have a question. What happens if you actually can’t contact your ex in any was since he blocked you on social media after the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 9:08 am
Hi Ashley,
What about text? But I think this post can help you. Your Ex boyfriend blocked you…what now?
You rock!
January 5, 2016 at 2:27 am
Just wanted to say thank you for all of your advice! So far, so good! If I get him back, it’ll be completely thanks to you.
Alis
January 5, 2016 at 12:09 am
I made several text messages and phone calls to my ex-boy friend to make him back. He said that we do not match together, and did not answer my phone calls and text messages. I really want make him back. What should I do? I cannot see him or communicate with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 9:47 am
Hi Alis,
I think you went gnat with him. Do you know the no contact rule?
marisa
January 4, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Hi Chris,
So obviously at this point it’s clear I begged for my ex back. And it didn’t work. However he said he still thinks I’m a great person and that he wants me in his life, even as a friend. I bought your ebook but I feel like it doesn’t quite cover this… I’ve started the no contact rule but I’m just not sure about everything after that…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 9:48 am
Hi Marisa
Are you not surenon what to do or with what happens?
Fulya
January 4, 2016 at 8:52 am
Hello Chris!
Me and my boyfriend broke up 2 months ago however he always gave me the hope of “we will be together again”, which indeed happened last month. I mean we made up but he hasn’t asked me out yet. However because he was keep saying that he would ask me out on a certain day and he wouldn’t because of several reasons. That sadly caused me to get very upset and say things that annoyed him and as days passed he started to give me the cold shoulder and even told me to “leave him alone as long as I can”. I couldn’t understand why he had become this upset towards me and treating me this way, and had an emotional outburst and told him that “I don’t believe that you love me anymore as people don’t treat people they love like this”. So he got incredibly upset and told me that we should forget about the idea of getting back together.. it’s been 4 days since, and I am doing the no contact rule for a month. However do you think we still have some sort of chance? Could it be that he just said it because he was very angry?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 1:52 pm
Hi fulya,
yes, you have a chance. He may not hve liked the way you talked to him, even though he’s really wrong, it doesn’t matter to him. he reacted with your outburst. some men don’t like it when you’re too available for them. it v feels like a responsibility for them.
Fulya
January 4, 2016 at 8:57 am
*I am going to do no contact rule for a month I meant, not “doing”. Oops!
Michelle
January 3, 2016 at 4:55 pm
Hi Chris, I’ve read many posts on your website and I have also purchased your books and read them as well. But I wanted to ask if you could write an article about fighting with your ex boyfriend post breakup and how to still get them back? My ex broke up with me back in September after 2 years and since then we’ve been clashing back and forth and I’ve made many mistakes. An article about this would be amazing! I hope you consider it! I need your help!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 9:19 am
Hi Michelle,
Thanks for suggesting! I’ll mention this to him!
Miley
January 1, 2016 at 7:41 am
Hi,My bf and I am on LDR for the last two years. And just before one week he said that he can not continue this relationship. I asked what have I done then he replied that it was not my fault and he just does not want to continue. Before breakup, he was ignoring my messages and phone calls, though we talk only on weekends, weekdays are busy for both so we do texts on whatsapp. Once he told me that his family may not accept this relationship. I cried alot that day and asked him not to leave me alone. He consoled me that what if they agree in future. So I felt ok as I got some positive response from him. But after that he started ignoring my texts, this is where I made the mistakes texting him in every minute to reply me back and called so many times though I knew that weekdays we do not talk. May be he was frustrated and irritated because of my calls. But I was not able to control my feelings. Then we were about to talk on weekend and before 15 mins, he texted me that he does not want to continue. I tried my best to convince him but his last text was it was his best time in life with me, he asked me to try to be matured and understand and told that was his last message.
I was all broken.. I did not know what to do. I cried alot and it was damn paining. I can’t explain the pain in my chest. I forgot to eat and even to sleep. Same condition is continuing. As you mentioned I have done all the mistakes from begging to texting, calling everything as I did not want him to go away from my life. And really I can’t live without him anymore I was so addictive to him. Even I asked if he doesnot feel for me it is ok , atleast can we be friends and can continue contacting each other. Then he replied that this will hurt me more and I wont be able to move on. Things will be worse for both of us. Now I am all alone even I do not have enough friends whom I can share my feelings. I am praying GOD each and every moment to help me out. But he doesnot reply to me anymore. I am afraid if he changes his number then I will be mad. Because he stays overseas and even if he comes back to home country I wont know he is here or not or wont be able to contact. I thought of visiting him after one month. But there are some visa problems. So in a word I am total helpless. Even if I go there or in case (GOD please that should not be happened) he changes his address, then also I stand no where.
I do not know what to do and how to do. If I would have got the visas I would have visited him as soon as possible. But that is also not in my luck.
I am totally blank without him. and just can not think anything without him. I do not know can I get in contact with him. Even in my office people used to notice the changes in me. I cried suddenly and get chest pain everytime I breathe. It is not that easy for me. I am trying to hide my emotions in front of everyone but cry alot inside bathroom. Praying to GOD is the only thing that I can do right now. But day by day it is getting worse situation for me. I am not that kind of girl who can suddenly think of other things or start dating other person. I just can not live without thinking about him. Even I tried tried to drink but no could not do that thing too. Messaged him on whats app and fb..but he did not see it 🙁 .
Can you please help me. Will Visiting him be a good idea. I have so many risks. As he does what he wants to, I am afraid a lot. Please help me with your reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 11:54 am
HI Miley,
Sorry for the late reply. It’s been two weeks. How are you?
Mary
December 30, 2015 at 10:03 pm
Hi,
So me and ex broke up in the last week of October, after almost 7 months of dating. It happened right before my birthday. It sucked. The thing about our relationship is that we work with each other and his office is next to mines. After we broke up, I have probably begged him to get back together a few times. The last time that I asked (December 8th), he literally got annoyed with me and basically said “I’m asking you one more time, please leave me alone.” He also stated instances where he would say things to give me hope of getting back together. Then other times he would say “I don’t think we can fix our relationship” or “we need space, then we can try to be friends, and see where it goes from there.” I am just so confused. I haven’t contacted him about our relationship since then, but we have contacted about work things.
I want to get him back. I just need help on how to, when already damaged the chances of us getting back together. Help?
Thank you.
Mary
December 30, 2015 at 10:10 pm
To shed a little light on why we broke up. I was blindsided, while he didn’t think I should’ve been blindsided by it. When I asked him the reason why we broke up was because he needed space. We were hanging out a lot during the latter days before our break up. On the top of working together and basically being with each other almost 27/7 weekly. Also, he has told me after the break up that he own’t give me a second chance right now. What does that mean?