Can I Get My Boyfriend Back If I Give Him Space?

691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

Becca Cleary

July 13, 2019 at 7:47 pm

Hi Chris.

Me and my boyfriend met in college and we’re dating for a year and 3 months. We just graduated college and he lives in a different state from me. He’s close enough to drive but we were only able to see each other on the weekend. The real world hit us hard, each of us starting a job. I have always been the one to talk about the future and plan on going wherever he needs to be. Recently, this stressed him out because he didn’t know what he wanted in the future. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago and said he needed to focus on himself and basically saying he doesn’t deserve me and that he will never love me as much as i love him. I know he cares for me and there is love, and he knows i give him the world. I tried no contact for a week but then i tried to reach out. He told me it was too hard to talk about our days and he needed room. Then i heard from a friend that felt so lonely and that he feels horrible because he knows how upset he made me and that he wishes i didn’t question myself or my worth. I decided to write him a letter and go give it to him. He was so mad i showed up, which is understandable, but i was trying to fight for him. The letter told him i understand we need space and i believe our old relationship is gone but that down the road i think we belong together and that we have a new love to start. He told me he needs distance and he wants me to not wait around for him and that i need to move on because he hates what he’s put me through and it’s not fair. I don’t understand why he won’t try, he knows how much i love him and i tell him he hasn’t destroyed me like he thinks he did and that he was a great boyfriend. I am going to start the 30 day no contact but it’s killing me to think i can’t fight for him. I’ve always been one for grand gestures and i would give him the world. I have to respect his wishes for space but i feel like I’m letting him get away but giving him space. Is there anyway i can try and win him back after the 30 days?
Tammy Leonard

July 3, 2019 at 4:54 pm

I have been dating a guy for 4 months. Until 6 weeks ago everything was blissfully perfect. Then an incident happened with family that deeply affected him, there have been a few other issues since which appear to have all added. Add in the fact that I’m overly insecure due to an abusive previous relationship, I took his distancing to be from me rather than because he was stressed. He asked for space but we continued to text, initially it was just cooling the insecurity. Forward to last weekend, the stresses become too much and we had a very heated argument.
He said he wanted to call time on our relationship but, after speaking and discussing things he said he needed time to reassess and would contact me.
That afternoon he text to tell me about another incident which has caused his anger and resentment for others to grow. He doesn’t want to discuss us and apart from a phone call today he made there has been no contact.
I have to add that he suffers from depression but hasn’t been taking his antidepressants so I feel his behaviour and his reaction to the stress is as a result of this but I have agreed to give him his space.
I’m worried now though that he won’t come back. As he was already on the verge of breaking up with me, will the break just highlight to him that life without me is less stressful. I’m struggling to move forward without looking at his social media and re-reading previous texts. I feel so hopeless but have so far resisted contacting him
Ali

June 29, 2019 at 3:06 pm

So my boyfriend and I had been together for a little over 2 years. After 4 months of dating he moved and we decided to do long distance for about 8 months & I would visit once a month. I moved to be with him after a year & now we live together. He started a new career with a couple different companies and some times the stresses would reflect in our relationship. He asked for “space” and I did the best I could for 2 months considering I live with him. But we never got back to our old ways and the relationship was lacking affection and intimacy, which was really starting to get to me. I brought it up not too long ago and he just said I feel like we’re growing apart, we agreed to try to work on it but when I would try to be intimate I would get turned down. Then we got into a fight on my birthday and he dumped me. Gave him some space for a couple days and then we agreed to take a break. I opted to move out for a month against his wishes which was another fight. He said he thinks me moving out will only make things worse, I just think he doesn’t want to be stuck with the rent by himself. Anyways, I’m moving out in a couple of days and my question is, given the situation and given that we have most of friends in common, when he does contact me, do I just ignore him? For the whole month? We’ve been broken up for 2 weeks now living together and are still able to get along and he will still reach out to me when I’m not around. I want to keep contact minimal but is complete radio silence more effective or too harsh?
Maddy

June 23, 2019 at 11:32 am

well,
My boyfriend and i met in college and we got together in Jan this year and things were just amazing! last month, we were on summer break and he had to go to his native. in this one month period, he didn’t have much time to talk to me or text me since there were 3 weddings in his family. Due to this, there were times I did lose my patience but tried to understand his situation and held on. but one or 2 times, i did confront him about this and he would apologize and then we would go back to being normal almost immediately. He is basically a person who wouldn’t talk much, and only througha series of questioning would he tell me if there’s something going on that i needed to know. the relationship works pretty well. He is also a person with various incidents in his life since childhood and would blame himself. he has been living with guilt for about 5 to 6 years of his life, not constantly, but occasionally, his guilt would reach the surface. about 2 weeks ago, he wanted a break from the relationship as he did not know whether he was in a proper mental state to proceed in one at the moment, but he asked me not to wait and didn’t know if he’d be back. ( he had made promises about the future plenty of times and they weren’t made due to mere excitement of getting someone). He also told me not to have any contact with him whatsoever,until he approaches me. I totally understood the pat where he needed the break (i agreed) but was shattered about the part where he told me not to wait. i did tell him to take his time, but i would break if he didn’t return. yes, i did cry…or weep, rather. I did go on without talking to him for about 10 days, but my emotions got the best of me and called him. He only said, “for now, maintain some distance, i really dont know what to say or don’t have anything to say”. All I wanted to hear was a word of hope about him getting back. Now i happened to read various blogs in this website about the no contact rule, and i have just one question, is it ok to follow this when the ex boyfriend also is sort of following this too?

Chris Seiter

June 23, 2019 at 3:04 pm

HI Maddy…yes, I think what is important is you follow NC for helping yourself in terms of the recovery and healing process. Consider my Program as it will give you a comprehensive way of getting through all this.

Britney

June 20, 2019 at 7:15 pm

Hello!
I was with my ex-boyfriend, Andrew for 4 years.
He broke up with me on 12/24/2018 for a mi-rad of reasons, which some were true some weren’t.
We have been FWB’s since 02/2019.
He knows how I feel and says he feels the same.
He is having issues making a decision to commit to me or not because he is extremely worried about my family causing unnecessary drama (I have a toxic family).
He’s stressed himself out about it so bad that it began causing him stomach/bowl issues.
We’ve seen each other almost every weekend and talk every day all day until this Monday when he asked for space to clear his head.
He also stated that he isn’t changing his mind about me or us he just needs space but that we can still talk.
He says he feels pressured.
He also said that he is still stuck on how I used to be even though he knows I’m not the same.
I totally understand where he is coming from.
I said I accept your request for space. He then texted me yesterday telling me that he is okay but had a health issue almost happen.
I replied with I’m glad you are okay, thank you for sharing that with me. That’s random that that happened.
He replied with yea idk what was up with that.
End of conversation.I know that I can come across as “needy” or “clingy” by texting all day every day but he did it to me too and initiated it most of the time BUT I am working on changing this.
Anyways, I am giving him space BUT am I able to text him sometimes during this because he said that we could still talk, or no? I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to talk to him by not initiating because my not texting is not my “normal” but I also want to honor his space. I’m so not used to focusing on myself, which I am working on as well but man…I’m just frazzled.
Do I give him complete space or no? When & do I reach out?
I can’t tell if there may be someone else but I don’t know for sure but when we aren’t together he is with his daughter or at work, he works A LOT.
Bailie

June 18, 2019 at 10:31 pm

Hello Chris!
I’ve been reading every single article of yours and they really spoke out to me. I’m writing this because I’m still on be fence!

So me and a guy I was talking to for 5 months recently told me he needed space a week ago due to us arguing all the time, me getting frustrated and not understanding and made him feel alone and kept pushing him away because I was scared. In the beginning he knew he liked him, tried to go for me right away, tried to kiss me but I told him I needed to take things slow so we did. After a month I really started to like him but I still had my walls up because I was scared of getting hurt again. But In the end I ended up just hurting him. He wanted me to meet his parents as I would be the first one go on vacation but I did no. We got in a huge argument and then he told me he needed space and time because he needed to work on himself and grow as a person, and focus in school- he also told me he wanted to stay friends and that would never change. I wouldn’t accept it at first so the first couple days I “gnatted” him, called him a lot, texted whenever he would text me. But after I read this I stopped it all.
He’s tried reaching out twice in the last two days but I’m on vacation and been posting me having fun and now he won’t even look at social media.
He’s been going out with friends more especially this girl even though he said she has a boyfriend of two years now (he’s never lied to me before) and even promised me that he doesn’t want anything with any other girl including Me. And that he doesn’t know if me and him will ever get back together and said he doesn’t think so.

I’m worried if I even have a chance with him again, I’m worried that I pushed him too far, and I don’t even know if I should text him or continue to ignore him and give him his space which I started two days ago, I’m worried this will just push him away further and find someone else or get so mad he doesn’t want to even be my friend.

Please give me some advice. It’s been dwelling.

Chris Seiter

June 19, 2019 at 12:42 am

Hi Bailie….I would continue to give him some space, then reach out to him in the method I teach in my Program – EBR Pro Bundle which is the complete Package.

Anonymous

June 17, 2019 at 5:37 pm

Hi, I have been through the no contact rule with my ex we have since met up for coffee. The following week he texted me that he misses me and I responded. He told me that he is very unhappy and then I didn’t hear from him for another week. I reached out to him and briefly spoke on the phone where he said he needs more time to think but wouldn’t tell me about what. I followed up with a text stating that I can no longer wait for him to think as i want him to be happy and I want to support him but he chose to let me go and that I just need to move on as him saying he misses me gave me a false sense of hope. He replied saying that he has been unhappy since we broke up and needs time to think and figure out why he’s unhappy and if it is because we are not together anymore. I then replied that he take all the time he needs to figure his things out but I cannot guarantee that I’ll still be here when he does figure his stuff out. I did not receive a reply and I fully intend on giving him time and space but do you think I ruined my chance with him by stating that I can’t continue to wait?
Ely

June 17, 2019 at 12:08 am

Hi,
Me and my boyfriend turned 8 months few days ago, the relationship is like a whirlwind, we were arguing lately for some changes i noticed to him.He was so sweet before but everytime i will talk to him it will turn to an argument. The last fight was about only a good night kiss, he said good night before we go to bed and didnt even give me a kiss like we used to. I confronted him and turned into a big fight. In the morning he left and didnt text me the whole time, so i texted him first and he replied that he needs to think things and that he will think if he still needs me in hid life or not , he asked for a week of no contacting him.Do you think he got bored because we spent a lot time together? Will he comeback? I heard that his ex is in town and im kind overthinking things. I miss him already but i still not contact him, sometimes im tempt to message him but i didnt. Please some advice about it. Thank you

Chris Seiter

June 17, 2019 at 3:41 am

Hi Ely….just some time and space apart can help you both get centered.

Jmae

June 6, 2019 at 6:05 am

Hi Chris,
My bf broke up with me with a cliche “I/we need time and space”, it’s been 6weeks now since broke up with me. I accepted at first but then after few days I have been bothering him once or twice every week. I begged, pleaded and talked to him into getting back together for 6weeks already. I know worst mistake, I am embarrassed. I started NC June 3 but I my friend reached out to him on June 5. He called and they talked about the relationship, she told me him also I was miserable without him. I know such a very bad. My friend asked him if the space he wanted was permanent? He said he don’t know, he cannot answer. It’s was not a surprised because he always say that to me every time I say to tale me back. He will just say “I don’t know” or “I dont want it right now” but every time I asked if why not just tell we will never get back together or no chance anymore so I know I would move on. again he will just say “I don’t know”. Which is totally confusing and and frustrating for me.
My question is did I break my NC when my friend talked to him and told her how miserable I was? And why he can’t answer me every time I asked him to just say it’s over and not working out ever again. But instead he will just say I don’t know. What does it mean?
I have learned a lot in your websites. I find it very helpful. I hope you can have some time to reply in my post. I would really appreciate that. Thank you and more power.

Broken
Nicolle

June 3, 2019 at 5:23 am

How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
Via text message after I reached out to apologize about an argument and not respecting his wish not to talk about his current situation.

Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
We haven’t gotten there yet.

What have you done since he asked for space?

Reached out to let him know I cared and was her if he needed anything. Asked to let me know if he was okay.
K*Nurse

May 23, 2019 at 1:04 pm

I have been with a man for 4 months. We were amazing together. Saw eachother only on the weekends … Texted every day. He is overworked and stressed with work, Financial issues and soon to be ex wife issues. He was recently seperated when we met and neither of us were looking. It just happens it was amazing. He started to pull away and finally asked for a break for time to work on himself. I never saw it coming. In hindsight I now realize he had been pulling away. I have not contacted him. But I am hoping this is just a break! I really feel we are great together and his and my family both feel the same way. Any advise?

Chris Seiter

May 23, 2019 at 11:53 pm

Hi there K*Nurse…sometimes space and time can do wonders. Take a look at my Program for more details on how you may want to proceed.

Helen

May 21, 2019 at 12:45 pm

Hi,
My partner and I have been together for 3 months. His a recovering addict who has just moved into a recovery support program. He is struggling, which I expected. We haven’t seen each other in a few weeks and he hasn’t spoken to me in over a week. A friend of mine reached out to him and he has said he doesn’t want to break up with me but he doesn’t know if he can be the partner he wants to be right now & that he needs time and space because his not copping at the moment. When I seen this conversation I waited two days before sending him a message to remind him that I love him, care about him, respect his decision & will wait and be here when his ready. I don’t want to walk away from the relationship but not knowing what is going on effects my mental health. (I am seeing a professional about my mental health)

How long should I wait before reaching out again.

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2019 at 3:49 pm

I am so glad you are reaching out to get some help with coping thru all. WE all would benefit from seeing a mental health professional. Also, consider taking a look at my Program as it can also help you with the personal recovery and give you some insights on the ex recovery process. You each having some space and time sounds like the right medicine.

PinkLotus

May 15, 2019 at 6:31 am

Hi Chris,

I’m in a LDR with a guy for the last 10 months. From time to time he gets really busy and stressed from work and he contacts me less. Since last week he has been very busy so I gave him space and try not to bother him, he called me when he had a chance and was very affectionate and told me he has been very stressed.
Yesterday I sent him a text to see if he was ok.. He said he was very tired and said ‘but don’t worry’, that lately he has been busy till late everynight and that he is thinking about everything and his head is going to explode.
I understand that I’m not the problem, so I will just leave him alone until he reaches out to me again. What do you think? Am I misunderstanding?
Laura

May 12, 2019 at 8:12 am

Hi Chris,
So I met this guy about 3 months ago and he immediately began chasing me, he put all his effort into me and I have to admit, I was less than enthusiastic. Eventually it worked and I decided that I really liked this guy and that I wanted us to be together and so we were, and it was great and we were so happy. Then we had a huge fight (I was being super unreasonable and I did apologize for it) and I thought we would be okay in the end, however, 2 days later and he’s telling me that he just has too much stress in his life already to be dealing with this and he just feels like he needs to commit to his degree and his religion (so basically he was trying to remove stressors from his life and ping, the closest one was me). So after the breakup I sent him a message and said I understood and I hoped we could be friends (this is what he said during the breakup) and he sent a lovely message back agreeing. Only problem is that I DO NOT want to be friends! I know his feelings are still there and that he broke up with me because I did add a whole lot of pressure and stress and a lot of the time I was super unreasonable in understanding his work and the way he divided his time, but I also think that I could get him back by speaking about compromising and being there to support and help him, I’m just wondering how long I should wait to try and “have the talk”.
Thanks in advance!

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2019 at 3:37 pm

Hi Laura….probably best to have a more comprehensive plan to coming back together as a couple. Take a look at my Program as I think it could help you. IF you rush into having “the talk”, it can backfire. Usually its best to build up slowly to it.

Ali

May 7, 2019 at 1:52 am

Your article helped a lot. My ex & I had been on and off for almost 3 years, he broke up with me about 4 months ago but we have been hanging out, talking everyday, calling each other “babe” and doing a lot of other things people in a relationship would typically do. We were going into this summer with a let’s see what happens attitude but we got into an argument over the weekend and now he says he’s not ready for a relationship because of other things in life he has to deal with and that we should stop seeing & talking to one another but that he’ll always care and adore me and that he doesn’t know what the future holds. I’m going to respect his wishes of not reaching out to him but it’s hard and I don’t know if there’s a chance he’ll come back. What are your thoughts?

Chris Seiter

May 7, 2019 at 1:54 am

Glad the article helped Ali….sometimes space is a good thing, particularly if you know how to use it. I encourage you to check out my Program so you can learn more about the whole process.

Lindsey

May 1, 2019 at 9:16 pm

Hi Chris,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 4 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but have managed to get through the rough times. Over two months ago he got a new group of friends who are always partying and going out. He all of a sudden broke up with me because he said he wants so to enjoy his life and wont have time for me. I begged him not to leave me over that. So he came back but our relationship has been very unstable since. He stopped making time for me. Almost every weekend he goes out with his friends. When he is available I ask him to hang out and he makes up excuses of why he can’t hang out with me. This weekend he went out with them Saturday night and Sunday I asked him to spend time with me and his excuse was that he felt sick (cold/flu). I’m used to talking to him multiple times a day through phone calls, text and facetime. Since he has been sick he hasn’t really reached out to me. I’ve offered to take him medication, food etc. but he doesn’t want me to in fact he ignores my texts. So I got upset and I told him I would leave him alone from now on. I feel like maybe another girl might have his attention and that is why he is acting this way. I confronted him about it and he got really mad. He said “I’m really sick and you’re bring up stupid things”. So I told him I would leave him alone and would not bother him anymore, I wished him to feel better. All he responded was “thxz”. After that I blocked his number. He has not reached out and I’m not sure what to do.. Should I let him party with his friends and give him space until he contacts me?????? HELP PLEASE
Millie

April 29, 2019 at 8:44 pm

My ex and I have been together over 2 years. It’s long distance and I see him once or twice a month. I had a rough year and I know I’ve said things I regret to intentionally put him down. I tried to break up with him for immature emotional behavior once, he said “no.” Then he tried to break things off 8 months later and I said “no.” I began to be clingy and needy. Then he tried again 4 months later because he said he needed a break. Within 2 months of the break things were pretty much back to normal but I was still being clingy and needy. Last week he broke it off in what sounded very final. We were still texting back and forth and being supportive and understanding of one another and then all of a sudden he stopped responding to me with no warning at all.

Chris Seiter

April 29, 2019 at 8:56 pm

Hi Millie….I know all of that is frustrating what you have gone through. Perhaps a period of No Contact is in order.
Chris Seiter

April 29, 2019 at 8:56 pm

Hi Millie….I know all of that is frustrating what you have gone through. Perhaps a period of No Contact is in order.

Jane

April 25, 2019 at 9:46 pm

My boyfriend and I dated for 5 months. We got into a big fight on Saturday when I should have just walked away and said ok but I kept nagging him. He left my house angry. The next day was easter and he never texted me. I texted him of course and he told me “he needs space because this relationship is too toxic for him right now and he has never gotten so angry with someone in his life and he needs space to get back into a routine and he’s angry and upset still and i stress him out, it hasn’t been ok, and he can’t be in this right now etc.” Of course I sent him a lot more messages telling him I want to fix it and he told me he knows my intentions aren’t bad and he begged me for space. Of course I felt like giving it to him would make him never come back and forget about me so I kept texting from that sat he said it till Monday. He then blocked my number and unblocked because he didn’t want to hear it. He told me to respect his space because I’m making it worse and digging myself into a hole.

Well my birthday is 6 days after this aka tomorrow and I’m scared if he will even text me.

I feel as if he will never come back because of the fighting but I haven’t reached out to him since Monday but it’s only been 3 full days of no contact. I’m nervous.

Chris Seiter

April 25, 2019 at 10:23 pm

Hi Jane…I know this is a hard time and our minds can be filled with doubts. I hope you are making use of my Program. If not, look at picking up my epic long flagship product, “EGR PRO” as it can help you in many ways as you navigate thru the post breakup period.

Lara

April 21, 2019 at 11:01 pm

Thanks for the article, it helpede put a few things into perspective.

How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. Hes 6 years older than me and we have different nationalities. Ive been working ony immigration papers to allow me to stay in the UK. This is a lengthy process and it forced me to go back home for 6 weeks in February. It was very hard on both of us but we made it work. Since I came back to the UK, my boyfriend has been asking me how id feel about getting more serious at some point and he was concerned that I might not want the same things he does at my age or that I might leave the UK. I reassured him twice that none of these situations will happen and that I do want to get serious with him. Two days ago he asked me for some time to think out of nowhere. Things were going incredibly well and he just hit me with it communicating the same concerns to me. I was quite emotional and Im afraid my reaction might have driven him away even further.

Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
He said we did not break up but he needs time to think.
What have you done since he asked for space?
I havent spoken to him since he asked for space. No contact through any means. Although im deeply hurt and sad, I am forcing myself to get dressed up each day and enjoy my holiday.. spending time with friends and family. I miss him deeply but I wont give him more than a week. After that, I will find a way to move on

Chris Seiter

April 22, 2019 at 3:27 pm

HI Laura…I know it hurts but you will get thru this. Utilize No Contact to help lift yourself out of this bad spot. It will get better. Consider picking up my epic long eBook, “EBR PRO” as it get into all the things you should know and do as you proceed forward.

Rose

April 9, 2019 at 4:33 am

*How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?* He didn’t. We’ve only been an exclusive couple for two weeks, and the first ten days he was 100% ON. He came on really strong. Then he gradually reduced his contact over a few days and then one day just didn’t talk to me at all for 24 hours. The next day he got back in touch and wanted to postpone a planned date. He never came out and said he wanted space – he made me figure it out for myself. I know we haven’t been dating all that long but we’re in our 30s. Too old for that crap. It shouldn’t be that hard to come out and say “hey I need space.” The way he handled it scans as fishy and it damaged what trust in him I had developed.

*Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?* He says he’s still here, just really tired. But I find myself feeling somewhere between hurt, angry, and numb, and I worry that by the time he’s had “enough” space, I will have lost interest.

*What have you done since he asked for space?* Haven’t contacted him at all. He’s still a Facebook friend but honestly it hurts seeing him post things when he’s refusing to talk to me at all, so I’ve hidden him from my news feed.

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691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”