Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

304 thoughts on “Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?”

Manda

March 27, 2015 at 1:20 am

Hi Chris, good stuff as usual! I was seeing this guy for a year now until he “broke up” with me over text a few days ago. He has a history of being hurt by women he’s proposed to. Both of his exes have now moved on to committed relationships. He’s told me from the beginning that when things get serious, one of us will get hurt…and that would be me. I still went into it whole heartedly anyway. He thinks I’m smart, beautiful, amazing, etc. He’s introduced me to friends, co workers, family. But he’d never wanted to confirm that we’re dating. He asked me if I’m dating other guys and he would deliberately try to make me jealous by talking to his female friends on the phone and mentioning that he’s best friends with his ex. I would respond appropriately…not get overly jealous about the female friends, but told him the constant mention of the ex bothers me. Anyway, things were going great 2 weeks ago and then suddenly he got “busy” and was constantly in a bad mood…I tried to see him, but he told me he was too busy to see me. Then I apologized by text for pushing him too hard to see me and he texted back saying that I stressed him out and that he was sick of my wanting to see him and being needy. I did text him more than he texted me but sometimes he would call me repeatedly when I didn’t have time to talk so we were both guilty of being clingy. Anyway, I was wondering, what could be done in the case of someone’s who’s been hurt and broke up with me to protect himself but I want him back?

admin

March 29, 2015 at 3:01 pm

How many women has he proposed to?
Manda

March 29, 2015 at 11:42 pm

He’s proposed to 2 women with whom he’s been in long term (more than 2 year) relationships.
admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:03 pm

Did they both say yes?

Faith

March 22, 2015 at 2:26 am

Hi Chris,

I’ve been binge reading all of your articles and podcasts today (hence all the comments haha) and each time I learn something great… these are fantastic! This one really hit home with me though,.. my ex is finally finalizing his divorce (after 4 years) and just ended it with me. The last few months I realized he was attributing me with characteristics of his ex wife… which weren’t true but which made him feel unhappy and he pulled away. I haven’t contacted him for two weeks and also haven’t heard from him. Do you think he will start to realize that I’m not like his ex? Or even after NC is over will be still think I am like her?

Thanks for all your help!

admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:35 pm

Hi Faith,

We have been commenting to each other a lot today and I am super glad to see that you are enjoying the site!

I don’t think he will think you are like his ex wife at all.

Tho

March 15, 2015 at 7:34 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago out of the blue. We were really happy and there was nothing that would have made me think that he was going to break up with me. The last week he was a bit stressed, but he told me it was because of school and I understood, as we both go to a prestigious university. 5 minutes before he broke up with me, we were walking to our private spot and we were holding hands just like normal, and we were making plans for him to come over the next day, and how we would go for dessert right after school. Right when we sat down, he said that we have been dating for a long while (6 months), and he started to tear up and eventually started crying while saying that he thought it would be better if we were just friends. He also said that it was because he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, and that he didn’t see a future with me, and that I wasn’t “the one”. He said he still cares for me and loves me and that he never wants me to disappear from his life and that I was his first love. The whole time he was crying really hard (he never ever cries), and he also put in some profanity although he never swears. The weird thing was that he is the type of person to not think about the future, and he mostly lives in the moment, so I thought it was really strange how he was saying he didn’t have a future with me. Also, an hour before we met up, he said he loved me, and the night before that as well, saying he missed me. I just don’t know if he was forced to break up with me (his parents did not know about us, and he comes from a christian family. only 2 of his friends knew, his brother, and 2 cousins) or if there was some other factor to it and he is just hiding it. Sorry for the long post, but please reply. It will help a lot .
Thanks!

admin

March 15, 2015 at 5:31 pm

I am not sure I buy into the “no future thing.” I think there is another reason for the breakup and he may very well be protecting himself.

Rachel

March 9, 2015 at 3:54 pm

Hi Chris,

Read your blog could do with some help! I met a guy online having never done that before. We hit it off spoke for 2 weeks solid and met everything was fantastic we spoke daily via text or phone. I went and seen him play sports met his family etc. I should add a bit of background he had had a turbulent previous relationship his ex had messed him about a lot ending in him moving out and moving on. He met me about 4 months after and it was instantaneous for us both as we weren’t looking for anything. I had had a bit of a panic about the 3 year age gap due to people commenting, then 6 weeks into it broke up with him due to my insecurities (vas past relationship, I’m now seeing someone about it) but tried to retract it. He said he didn’t want to as he couldn’t trust me not to do it again after the initial wobble. It has now been just over 3 weeks I text to apologise after it happened but he said no he was sorry. I text several days later he didn’t respond so I left it. He contacted me the next night whilst out for his mates birthday on the Saturday just general chat (he’s really shy so o don’t know if that’s why he contacts me them) chats all night. No contact the next day, on the monday I sent a huge text explaining I was sorry and if I didn’t hear from him I was deleting his number. A week and 4 days pass I reach out a final time with a call and leave a calm voice Mail he responds 10 mins after saying he was drivingni didn’t need to explain he knows I’m sorry but can’t trust me because I broke up with him twice but that he would be friends I suggest meeting he says no he’s still annoyed. We chat normally then say night. I don’t hear from him till the sat then he chats away normally I finish he convo he then texts me 3 times after. I leave it to the following night he texts back 2 mins later we go back and forth 2/3 times convo stopped and I have heard nothing since yesterday. Sorry about the length please advise?

admin

March 13, 2015 at 4:08 pm

Hi Rachel!

Thanks for commenting.

A 3 year age gap is NOTHING hahaa.

That seems normal to me.

Well, you need to work on ending the conversations sooner and ending them first.
Rachel

March 17, 2015 at 6:31 pm

Thanks for replying it is very much appreciated!

Update: He text me out the blue on thurs which I ignored, then again on Friday I replied later in that niggt but was on a night out. He started complimenting me on a picture on my profile and saying I was amazing etc then he said he missed me. I stupidly said all I had wanted was him but was just scared. He replied I know, I panicked and said ok, he replied ok then I said I give up. He said sorry and I said don’t be I know where U stand and can move on. But he has text me everyday since bar one day which I replied to his message from the night before (it’s now Tuesday not heard anything today). I’m pretty confused is he just playing games, not interested etc? Any advice?

Rachel
Rachel

March 21, 2015 at 9:51 am

Me again! We update my ex and I have chatted a bit bs k and forth friendly. I tried the remember when text and he responded 10 mins later really positive. He said he missed me etc and it went back and forth but he never seems to go any further than that I think he is scared that I would break up again if we got back together as that’s what his ex done. I got a bit emotional at this and said I was sorry but I had to move on and find someone that wanted to be with me. He replied you know I wanted to be with you. It kind of wet bsvk and forth again a d I said I just thought it was a shame and he said me too. So my question does he want something and how should I proceed as one minute he says things like that the next it’s like he doesn’t want anything.

Please help 🙁
Rachel

March 19, 2015 at 9:44 am

Also I should have asked once contact has been made, how long should it take for him to ask you for a meet up or should I suggest it? He has now been in touch daily for a week.

R
Rachel

March 9, 2015 at 3:59 pm

Sorry I should also say I really want this guy back but don’t know if it’s a lost cause as he seems pretty adamant he doesn’t want anything but responds right away to texts etc. He said he was really hurt when I ended it, was scared and couldn’t trust me. I just want to know 1) can I fix this or is it a lost cause? 2) should I just cut my losses( I really have fell for this guy and don’t want to) 3) how should I proceed as he’s really stubborn

Thanks

Gina

March 5, 2015 at 1:53 pm

Hi Chris
I broke up with my boyfriend 2nd time ..
We met last year we were dating and got into relationship but after a month i had to tell my aunt ( the person i live with) she didnt agreee with our relationship and she hardly let me go out with him .. so we broke up we didnt have any contact cos i deleted him on facebook
Second time was 3 months later after the broke up we saw each other again .. we got back but we still had the same problem .. he wanted me to move out with him , but i just couldnt leave my family and live happy and i also didnt want to lose him .. He said he had enough with that and let me choose .. I tried to explain that everything will be okay if we dont give up but it was too late he doesnt want to hear anything from me he unfriend me from facebook .. tried to contact him couple times he doesnt replay ..
What should I do? I never been in situation like that and i really want him back
Thanks for reading hope you will help me !!

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:40 pm

What are you saying in your reach outs?

mary

February 27, 2015 at 4:32 pm

Here’ the last text from him…. You did nothing wrong. I think we were getting too close. I think you’re awesome. It’s not you.. it’s me.

how do I even respond to that?? Can you translate?

mary

February 27, 2015 at 4:35 pm

a little background… we were only dating for two months (no official title) I liked him and I believe he liked me… we had really good times together which makes me very confused. fyi…I just found him on a dating site. What to do?

sally

February 24, 2015 at 4:03 am

hi chris,

I have been broken up with my ex for 8 months now, and we dated for 4 years. We are both 22, soon to be 23 and we live an hr from each other. We are still in contact and still in love with each other, but our relationship before was just so toxic and immature that both of us are afraid of trusting the other one and afraid of getting hurt again. I am not sure what to do now Chris. Should I just move on? I would be willing to take a risk and date him but hes so scared because i was a total B during our relationship. He also didnt put much effort in towards the end and idk it was just hard because we went to seperate colleges and we were just too young I guess. But its clear he loves me and i love him. We’re just too scared. He also graduated but doesnt have a job yet and I am in school pursing another degree so i dont know if timing is right either. Do you have any advice for me? I dont want to waste my life waiting for someone who is too scared to ever try again..at the same time I understand where he is coming from too.
I would really appreciate any advice you had to offer, im really stuck. Thank you so much 🙂
Anita

February 22, 2015 at 4:28 pm

Hi

we were together for almost a year and a half. We started very strong; the courtship was incredible, the good times were amazing, I hadn’t had that much fun in a very long time. I thought I found my soul mate.Overall, the time we spent together was always great. Our only issue was always his constant reminders of not wanting to commit. Regardless, his actions, for the most part, always contradicted his words. He introduced me to his family, who, btw, likes me a lot. He also always wanted to spend a lot of time with my family members and friends, whenever someone was visiting. He lives in a family home with other family members. I was always welcome and definitely spent time there. The majority of the time, we were at my house. I have a 15 yr old son (I am a single mom,) he has a 5 yr old daughter who lives in another country. His relationship with my kid has never been great; I was always under the impression that they are jealous of each other. His daughter loves me and he let me spend a lot of time with her when she was around.

We always truly got along and had amazing times together, although he had a major issue with introducing me to his friends. I only know a couple of them. He knows all of the friends I usually hang out with.
We started having unhappy episodes when I started feeling that he was almost instigating reactions in me by touching on delicate subjects, such as his non-willingness to fully commit and similar topics. I was not feeling safe in the relationship because he never fully embraced “us,” regardless of his actions telling the opposite. After a couple of episodes that happened back to back, he told me that he wanted to break up with me because I had put a negative spin to our relationship. Did not take ANY responsibility for anything that happened, although he reminded me a few times throughout the course of our relationship, that he might not be the right man for me, despite the fact that we always got along and had a great time. Throughout all of this, he often reminded me of how amazing I am. We actually hung out once since the break up and, of course, we had a great time together until we got to a place where things may become too intimate and he ran. We communicated a lot via text since the break up that happened about a month ago. Lots of it was about why I still wanted to be with him and why he did not. As of right now, I could probably be on text with him all day if I wanted to and, if I call, he would probably pick up the phone. I don’t know why, but I feel like he is punishing me for something more than anything else.

I severed contact with him a week ago. I feel like a part of me is missing, because we really spent time together and we would pretty much be in contact with each other all day when we did not hang out. I was always there for him, supported him, complimented him for his work, the whole nine. I don’t understand why we are apart. Yes, we did have a few bad moments, but the good times and compatibilities exceed the negativity. His reaction was definitely extreme and over the top.

He was the last one to reach out regarding a few things that he has at my place. I tried to drop them off a couple of times, but he wasn’t available (all I wanted to do is drop off on his stoop. He made it seem like he had to be around for hours for me to do that.) When he finally reached out to let me know that he would be home that afternoon, I was on a job assignment. I haven’t reached out to him since.

btw, we are both very grown: I am 50, he is 43 and both of us are very young spirited people. We work and live in a young environment and look very good for our age. He is extremely smart and, although he is amazing at his job and makes good money, he definitely lacks some stability – living conditions being one. He made some bad practical choices in the past (having too much of a good time, maybe?:) Regardless, he thinks very highly of himself, as he should.
I am doing decent in life and I have more stability than him (I own a house, drive a car, etc.) I am not rich, but I made a couple of good decisions at the right time. I have good circle of friends and we hang out with each other frequently.

I truly feel like we are both missing out on a fantastic life together.
What to do?

Anita

Anita

February 23, 2015 at 5:54 pm

Hi there:

I am really hoping to hear back from you soon. For the past two days, I have been struggling with the idea of contacting him…..

Thank you so much for your help:)

Anita
admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:49 pm

Do you have any type of text message planned?
Anita

February 23, 2015 at 10:44 pm

not really. I have not been in contact for a wk. I just don’t want for him to think that I am playing mind games with him. He is extremely smart….
He was the last to contact me regarding me dropping his things off at his place. I was not around that day and I never approached him since to find out if he was home so I could drop things off.

Thanks!
Anita

February 23, 2015 at 10:46 pm

I also have a picture of a painting that reminded me of him and a joke that we used to play with each other. I thought that would be something nice to send me at the right time, maybe???
admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:16 pm

maybe a picture of the painting through text?
Anita

February 24, 2015 at 11:14 pm

That’s what I did
Anita

February 24, 2015 at 11:19 pm

he responded, as usual. he is very responsive. I also mentioned that I had not been around to get his stuff back to him. I asked him to let me know when he is around so I can drop off or he can come by to pick it up.
he thought the picture of the painting was funny and that he will give me a shout when he is around (we live three blocks from each other.) He always responds, but he doesn’t want to come too close – no intimacy
Anita

February 25, 2015 at 9:33 pm

i don’t know what else at this point…..should i ask him to meet?
Anita

February 23, 2015 at 10:50 pm

not sure if you read the whole story at the top of this thread

becca

February 17, 2015 at 10:58 pm

Please can you reply to me! 🙂
Becca

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:37 pm

Sure!

How can I help?

Sorry I lost track of you there.
becca

February 19, 2015 at 1:55 pm

I just copy and pasted it lol
What about if you kinda believe your ex ended it with you to protect himself (it was my very first relationship whereas he’d been cheated on twice before) but has gone to someone he’s known alot longer than me but she is a known cheat and just not a very faithful person? Isn’t he setting himself up for a fail with the new girl?
It makes no sense to me, we’d been together 5 years, very loving relationship, obvious arguments as no-one is perfect.. I’d never dream of going off with someone else, marriage and kids were spoke about.. but he’s been with her 7 months and she’s already kissed someone else? I don’t think he’d be the person to forgive that so surely he mustn’t know? Is this girl a rebound as she was there for him when things got tough with us and vice versa for her as she ended her marriage after 7 months??
Thank you, becca
admin

February 20, 2015 at 11:23 pm

Some men become obsessed with the newness feeling in a new relationship Maybe that is what is going on with him.
becca

February 21, 2015 at 4:56 am

But we’ve broken up and had spats before, so why now? As I said they’ve known each other for a while so could it really be that new? Why wait till she’s married to do anything about it? These are the parts that I don’t think I’ll ever get my head around.
A couple people have told me she has cheated on him now and told me in her past she’s slept with her sisters boyfreind? Surely he’d know about that or question why her and her sister don’t get on anymore?
Is this a rebound in your opinion, or do you think they’ll get sick of each other coz honeymoon phase must have ended by now..
Thank you.
becca

February 28, 2015 at 11:24 pm

What do you think? Thank you so much for all your help on here, I’ve found this website really helpful 🙂
becca

February 19, 2015 at 1:56 pm

sorry forgot this bit!
even his freinds know the kind of girl she is as they’re all in a circle from where they live. One said that he knows her past and is in denial of anything happening to him :/ she has never liked me but never met me so I guess she was just jealous of me making him happy for so long as her marriage wasn’t on par with our relationship.. it wasn’t a competition but I guess that’s how she felt as she used to degrade me to him when we argued although shes never given me an opportunity to even meet her before? It’s all very strange dont you think?

Angel

February 13, 2015 at 3:16 pm

I’ve been in NC for the past month after my long term boyfriend broke up with me in November. At first, he said he needed a break, and then in January, he emailed me and told me it is over for good. The next day, we spoke over the phone and it was actually really nice, we just talked about what we had been up to for the past 2 months (me, a whole lot of self-improvement, him, a whole lot of nothing). The next day, I texted him and asked if he would be open to meeting up down the road. He wrote back, he would be open to meeting up sometime. I never wrote back. I suspect he has gotten cold feet as we were meant to move in together. We had been actively planning our future. He suffers from general anxiety disorder, so that doesn’t make things any easier. He’s also about to finish grad school, which has been super stressful I’m really confused about what I should do next, any advice? Why would you say you were done for good, then have a nice conversation with me and say you’d be open to meeting up sometime? Please help explain the male brain, Chris!

Angel

February 18, 2015 at 10:31 pm

Hi Chris,

Just an update here, I hope you see this! I reached out to him via text the other day in an effort to start priming. He wrote back right away and we just exchanged a few messages about what he had been up to. I decided to quit while I was ahead and end the conversation. I would say it was a nice, cordial exchange, but what’s next? Should I give it a few more weeks before checking in again? Thanks in advance, this site is a wonderful resource!
Angel

February 24, 2015 at 4:12 pm

Hi Chris,

Any advice here? I’m stuck on how to move forward with conversation and when to know it is a good time to try to meet up in person. Thanks!
Angel

February 28, 2015 at 7:17 pm

An update! We spoke recently over the phone and basically, he is worried if we were to meet up, he would want to get back together with me and we would fall into the same, old habits. I told him I’m at a place where I wouldn’t allow that to happen. What can I do to reassure him otherwise? He agreed to touch base in a few weeks about meeting up once I told him this. Please help! There isn’t much info on the site on what to do once you meet again in person. Thanks!
Angel

February 26, 2015 at 3:26 pm

Hi Chris,

Hoping for advice here, can’t find much on the site for what to do once NC ends. Thanks in advance!
admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:21 pm

There is plenty, I would start with the E-Book,

And specifically some of the after NC articles.

Rony

February 13, 2015 at 10:55 am

Hi Chris..
1st of all , Congratulationssss 4 ur marriage .. Kinda late sorry 🙂
I wud lyk to say that I’m a huge fan of ur blogs .. they r both funny and interesting 🙂
In brief .. I’m in a relation with a divorced man .. His marriage resulted in a daughter and I know this from the beginning since 3 yrs ago .. We passed through a lot up me downs .. Btw he is keeping his X marriage secret to almost everyone .. Look Chris this man loves me a lot .. I can feel it and everybody else is noticing that too even his mum! Thnx Allah .. He Trusts me as well and he is being him with me .. He always tell that I take him to a world that no longer exist without me ☺️ he also said that there’s always something missing when we r apart .. ” I may smile, laugh, be with amazing company but it’s all an acting coz my Rony is not here” .. He said.
He is also making it announced that he is dating me .. To his family and his friends as well except his female friends .. He is being flirtious the thing which pushing me to insanity .. We discussed the official commitment issue and he always come up with excuses of financial issue .. Just our last date he opened up telling that he is AFRAID of another failure .. His mother is afraid as well .. He said so in a middle of a romantic talk .. I feel it Chris that somthn is rly wrong abt him .. Psychological one I mean .. The resistance and the anger he dwells in just talking abt getting official isn’t somthn financial at all .. I felt lyk it’s somthn huger and related to his X experience .. That’s my feeling or maybe it’s how I wanna see things!!!
Add to this he is taking me 4 granted .. At the same meeting when I expressed my need to get a family and build a home .. He laughed as I’m being obsessed by the marriage idea .. Then I told him ” u will breakdown if I got married to another man rather than u” .. He smiled telling u luv me u won’t marry someone else .. I replied but I have needs .. He said since when do u marry 4 needs!!! .. I didn’t reply.
A week later I gave him a choice .. Either to get things official or to not to contact me anymore .. He replied after seeing that msg in a part of minute .. May Allah bless u!!! .. Then he blocked me on what’s app (where I sent the msg) .. I blocked him bk and applied NC rule .. He was ok wz dat till I broke the NC calling him at day 10 to meet him b4 traveling as I managed to leave the country after his msg .. He broke my heart .. I know that I made a mistake contacting him but I was severely confused and cudn’t take such a major step without seeing him .. Whateva , he ignored my calls and msgs and did totally nothing .. A friend of mine texted him .. He acted victimized telling that I’m the one who took such desicion of ending this relation not him!!!!
And he again excused by financial issues although of I’ve never overloaded him .. On the verse I’ve always been supportive and I showed him that I accept him the way he is .. The conclusion of his talks with my friend ended in that I’m the one who decided things and he is not under my mercy!
His way was mixture or extreme anger , stubbornness and victim attitude!
I left the country and its day 7 of NC now .. Since 3 days ago I looked at his fb .. He was having panic attack (as I diagnosed .. I’m a doctor) .. He is statusizing that his pulse was over 140 beat / min .. Then I noticed that he is depressed or sad or somthn .. His best friend , his brother are trying to show support .. Generally he is more open to life than how he is now .. Even he is not sending that flirts or winks to girls as he used to do while we were in a relation .. I wonder how u see these things Chris .. Is dat related to me or it’s just a coincidence and I need to understand and how shud I go if I want things to get official?
Thanks 4 ur time 🙂

admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:43 pm

No problem!

Glad you like the blog.

Why was he having a panic attack?
Rony

February 16, 2015 at 11:57 pm

Dunno really .. I assume it’s related to him being thinking abt US .. Eventually it was me who invented the idea of celebrating valentines and such anniversaries .. He has always told me that he never considered the valentine as an anniversary except since he knew me ( coz I do and I always do surprise him and insure making it memorial)
Rony

February 17, 2015 at 12:00 am

now that I’m gone ( left the country) .. Definetely this is both scary and serious move to him!
Rony

February 23, 2015 at 12:24 pm

Would u plz reply me here Chris!
admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:46 pm

I just replied on your other comment?

What would you like me to reply to here?
Rony

February 28, 2015 at 11:05 am

I wanted ur point of veiw on ny situation and how shud i act if i want things to get official plz!
Rony

March 16, 2015 at 10:42 am

Chris plz wud u help me with my question above there!
admin

March 18, 2015 at 7:10 pm

The question you just asked on the podcast episode comments or what?

Katie

February 12, 2015 at 9:56 pm

Hey Chris!
I’ve been reading your articles and they’ve been extremely helpful, however I feel like I am kind of in a dilemma with this one. My ex and I broke up a couple of weeks ago because he said he was feeling stressed out and that something didn’t feel right between us. He said that he needs time to let his feelings reset. The only thing is, he is moving to California at the end of the summer and although I immediately went into NC mode after we split (it’s been 12 days!), I’m afraid that he won’t even want to start over with me after some time because he is moving. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker for me as I am graduating with my Masters in May and the whole world opens up for me then! What do you think about this and is there anyway I could influence him to not let that be one of his deciding factors?

admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:34 pm

Well, you aren’t even halfway yet at 12 days.

Also, LDR’s are tough.

Would you be able to put a plan together to be with each other permanately down the road?
Katie

February 12, 2015 at 9:57 pm

By the way, we broke up because I was being needy and overly clingy. He’s 31 and I’m 27.

hana

February 12, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Hello chris! My ex and i broke up coming 3yrs ago. Since then we have not gone for nc for more than 2mths before he will usually reach out to me. We will just exchange a few msgs etc before we go into a “silent period” and not contact.

Honestly, this has made me slowly lose my feelings for him. And i’m tired of him contacting me for a straight one weekplus before going silent for a few wks or a mth at most.

I’m wondering. Why some ex bfs keep doing this? And if i’m slowly losing feelings for him. Does the same apply to men too? They somehow find comfort in moving on slowly by occasionally contacting their ex? Sounds contradicting but i hope you understand what i mean!

admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:20 pm

I do understand…

I think sometimes men are impulsive and if you pop into their head they will reach out to see what you are up to.

Feelings are still there but they are slowly dissipating.

becca

February 11, 2015 at 2:21 pm

What about if you kinda believe your ex ended it with you to protect himself (it was my very first relationship whereas he’d been cheated on twice before) but has gone to someone he’s known alot longer than me but she is a known cheat and just not a very faithful person? Isn’t he setting himself up for a fail with the new girl?
It makes no sense to me, we’d been together 5 years, very loving relationship, obvious arguments as no-one is perfect.. I’d never dream of going off with someone else, marriage and kids were spoke about.. but he’s been with her 7 months and she’s already kissed someone else? I don’t think he’d be the person to forgive that so surely he mustn’t know? Is this girl a rebound as she was there for him when things got tough with us and vice versa for her as she ended her marriage after 7 months?? Thanks in advance, Becca 🙂

becca

February 11, 2015 at 2:33 pm

sorry forgot this bit!
even his freinds know the kind of girl she is as they’re all in a circle from where they live. One said that he knows her past and is in denial of anything happening to him :/ she has never liked me but never met me so I guess she was just jealous of me making him happy for so long as her marriage wasn’t on par with our relationship.. it wasn’t a competition 🙁 but I guess that’s how she felt as she used to degrade me to him when we argued although shes never given me an opportunity to even meet her before? It’s all very strange dont you think?

Angie

February 11, 2015 at 6:52 am

Just broke up with my partner of 3 months, I know only a short time but we connected from the moment we met. I’m 43 he’s 41. His last relationship ended badly and he has had this fear the whole time we have been together about me meeting his kids coz they attach quickly. He casually brought them into my work one day and introduced them then kissed me, said it was casual intro but nothing since, he would freeze if we talked about it.
He is currently working a lot of hours out of work to get money together to build a house so the kids have their own rooms, staying at his mum’s in the mean time. He is a great dad. A quality I like about him.
The issue is due to his commitments with kids and then extra work he is doing he struggled to give me time I needed and felt guilty and found hard to balance. So he ended it on Monday by text coz he couldn’t face me and saying he doesn’t have the time. I am so sad because I know he is into me but not enough to have me in his life. Maybe I’m 6 months too early but I do want to try no contact and give him some time to miss me and get some work under his belt. He is very much a blokes bloke and has talked in the past about closing doors (e.g. stuffing feelings). I am so scared he will close me out for good but know I need to give him the space. Can you give me any advice that may be helpful.

admin

February 11, 2015 at 2:21 pm

I really think you should give NC a try. It could be extremely beneficial for you.
Angie

February 11, 2015 at 6:54 am

I meant to say we saw each other 4 days out of 14.

Jessica

February 9, 2015 at 9:52 pm

Hey Chris! I’m a huge fan of your site, and it’s actually helped me immensely. Just a quick background, boyfriend and I were together 2 years, expected to get married we were very in love, but in the last 2 months of our relationship we were in different cities and this put a strain on us, resulting in a breakup. Initally, I was very clingy and begged for him back until I found your site. I followed the no contact rule, by the end he had wrote me several times. We started slowly, talking as friends, and then gradually, through months of talking, it turned into something more, soon we were telling eachother we lvoed eachother and were making plans of getting back together. We started talking on the phone until 5 in the morning and skyping, it was wonderful 🙂 We even made plans to meet, and it was all set up, but the plans ended up falling through, and since then we still have been texting and saying we love eachother, but he hasnt called me as much and we havent skyped since then, no current plans have been made to try to see eachother again, and he’s seeming distant again 🙁 I worked so hard to get to this point and dont want it to end up not working, please help, do you have any suggestions on how I can fix this?

admin

February 10, 2015 at 3:45 pm

Glad you enjoy it!

Well, try to make some current plans with him. Something that won’t fall through.

anon

February 8, 2015 at 3:30 pm

Hello chris! Quick qns. Why would an ex bf seemed upset or jealous if his ex gf is in a new relationship? When he himself has already moved on and has a serious gf?

admin

February 9, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Couple of reasons,

1- He hasn’t really moved on.

2- He has the no one can have her except me syndrome.

Ambuja Sabharwal

February 7, 2015 at 6:01 am

And I also forgot to tell you he got super insecure the day after we broke off for the first time when i changed my dp on whats app with a super distant cousin of mine.. he didn’t know that he was a relative.
Elsie

February 6, 2015 at 3:47 am

Hi Chris, it’s Elsie again, and you are seriously the best!!

So after the drunk-dial thing, I planned on following your advice to wait a week before trying to talk to my ex again. Only I chickened out and it ended up taking me two and a half weeks to actually get the guts to text him. I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t come across as too needy, cheesy, obvious, or just plain old felt wrong. Until the other night when I was getting parts for my car and saw something that legitimately reminded me of my ex, and I decided to text him about it.

So I sent him the text and put my phone down for an hour while I was shouting at my car and getting anti-freeze all over the garage. Whoops. Anyhow. Picked up my phone and turned out my ex had actually immediately responded to me! YAY! The response wasn’t quite what I expected, all I got was “Elsie?” So I texted him back “Yep, it’s Elsie lol.”

Less than a minute later he texted back with “Hi.” Which full stop here, my ex has always been a terrible texter. He’s always been a big fan of one word texts… if he even sends words at all. He’s also a fan of sending random exclamation points and question marks. I learned a long time ago that any response at all from him means he wants to keep texting, and that if he doesn’t want to keep texting he just plain won’t respond. But anyhow. Back to my story!

I replied to him again and we had a short conversation about my car problems. My texts were spaced out by anywhere between five to twenty minutes because I was legitimately busy – but my ex consistently replied to every text I sent in less than a minute. Conversation was only 5 texts each, and I quit responding when all I got back from him was “lol.” Again… I know under normal circumstances, getting one word responses isn’t a great sign, but I know my ex’s texting habits. Him replying so quickly is unusual and like I said before, the fact that he replied at all is more of an indication of his interest than what he actually says. So I know I made a good choice by keeping the conversation short and ending it where I did. It’ll drive him crazy.

So I wanted to say thank you! Your advice has gotten me to the point where my ex is actually talking to me again! And I know, this is just the second step and I’ve got a long way to go towards getting him back, but I feel like I can have a little hope now. I’m planning on waiting a few more days before I try texting him again – I don’t want to pounce and scare him off or push him away and I’m kinda crossing my fingers that maybe he’ll text me first this time.

admin

February 6, 2015 at 2:28 pm

Well you know him better than I do and if one word texts are general then a different set of rules apply.

You are welcome!

Glad you two are on speaking terms.

Ann

February 5, 2015 at 4:40 pm

Hi, Chris, i need your help. Sorry for my english. 🙂
I’m in love in a guy for 2 years, I was use to clingy and he got mad a stoped talking to me. Hi had a girlfriend for a year and when they broke up he contacted me to be with him, i said no because i realised he only wanted to make his ex jelaous. Then after 4 months he contacted me again we talked for 3 months but never nothing happend. So I realised i was fooling myself and unfrended him on fb, after month and a half i got sad and added him again, he accepted and after few days contacted me again, and asked me to go out for a drink. After that we were in a relatonship for 3 months. He was hot and cold, always with his guard up. Sometimes sweet, sometimes cold. I was never his priority only at the begining of relationship. And then his said we need too talk-talk, and i was angry at him, a when we meet we didn’t talk he only said he loves me very much. A everything was great for a few days and he again sad we need to talk, and he never called after that. I admit i was litle needy and clingy when he said thaht me we need to talk again but just a litle. I haven’t heard from him since it’s been 3 weeks. What can i do from my part, beacuse i see a lot of potencial. I think he is commitment phobe, his ex was manipulative, he stoped hangig out with everyone when his was with her. He was alwas blowing me of to go with his friends, maybe he was scared that i would do the same. What to do to make him stay, i really care about him, his is the one.

admin

February 6, 2015 at 1:57 pm

Sounds like he is definitely haunted by his ex and taking it in to your relationship.
Ann

February 6, 2015 at 4:07 pm

I thought so. What do you do in situations like this?
Does he need time, will he ever come back? Once he told me that he would like to marry girl like me. I need your opinion and advice on this. Please don’t tell me to let go. I really can’t i feel we can work out just don’t know how, that’s why i’m asking you for help 🙂

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