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Michelle
September 21, 2016 at 6:53 am
My ex and I dated for 4 years and broke up because we fought about the same things over and over and we both knew the trust wasn’t there anymore. After the breakup we continued to sleep together for I over a year. He didn’t let me into his life, however, I wasn’t invited to family events anymore and never was invited out with his friends. So basically I was a secret to everyone in his life now. I had a feeling he was sleeping with other women but he never came clean to me about it. I ended up getting pregnant and when I told him about it he freaked and didn’t want to take any responsibility! He was obsessed with the fact that it wasn’t his and he would have no part. I told him I was having an abortion because I was scared and alone and couldn’t do it on my own. He still was not supportive at all. That was the last straw for me..I cut all contact after that because I lost respect for him and was heartbroken. I received a drunken 3am text from him that said “very funny, btw” which I was confused about but as tempted as I was to respond I did not. I didn’t hear from him again until 3 months later our mutual friend commuted suicide and he reached out to me via text and was very sweet and wanted to make sure I was doing okay and if I needed anyone he was there. I was so messed up over this death I caved and called him. Ever since we have been talking and flirting very regularly. I see on social media that he has been very involved with a women to the point of even his parents tagging the two of them together at family events. His friends also would tag her with him in pictures of everyone going out drinking and such. To say the least, I’ve seen more than enough proof that she is his girlfriend. We have gotten to the point of being very flirty and talk about hooking up all the time but never do. He always has an excuse. He won’t be honest with me about her, I have asked many times if he has someone in his life and he says no every time. I don’t want to be the desperate ex that has hopes that we will be back together if he is playing me to be a fool. I want to know why he is keeping up this act? Why does he continue to flirt and call? Why can’t he be honest? Am I waiting for something that will never happen? What does he want?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 22, 2016 at 10:32 pm
Hi Michelle,
correct me if I’m wrong, I’m assuming you proceeded with the abortion?
I’ll be honest. He treats you like that because you let him treat you like that. You were friends with benefits for a year and then after being left from being pregnant, you give in too easily with sweet texts and you even talk about being friends with benefits again. Don’t lower your value. The best move you can do is to move on.
Rhodonite
September 7, 2016 at 5:32 pm
Hi, I’m glad I found this article to help me think about my situation. Thank you! I don’t know if my case fits in one of the six reasons why my ex boyfriend would want to contact me, I don’t know exactly what it is, I’m very confused. Maybe GIGS?
My ex and I mainly used to be friends, but with some benefits (except sex, because I was a virgin and he respected this) for 3 years. He always had feelings to me but I kind of wasn’t that much, until 2011 when I suddenly started to have feelings too and we officially started dating. But it lasted for 2 months because of communication issues. I guess we were afraid to hurt or lose each other, so we put small problems aside, but things got worse and worse and we broke up. All of that was FIVE years ago. I deleted all my social media, we never saw or talked to each other again.
Today I’m 27 and he’s 30. He recently contacted me through e-mail saying that he always missed me, that he has dreams with me, that I’m the most compatible person for him, that he needs to talk and explain a lot of things. So we started to text through Skype chat and he confessed that he has a girlfriend now, and they’re dating for less than a year. Before her, he dated another girl for 3 years. But he said he always loved me all of these years! I was like, is it GIGS? Why didn’t he e-mail me before? I believe what he’s saying because I know him for a long time but I’m skeptical as well.
I asked him to think again, to organize his feelings and that sometimes we need to let our past go, even though I do miss him a lot too and I love him. He agreed. He knows what he’s dong is wrong. I said all I want for him, for her, for me and for everyone else is happiness. Once he did cheat one of his ex girlfriends a very long time ago with ME, but I don’t want to be in that situation never again and he neither. We’re older now. I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Thank you for reading, peace and positive energy for all.
Suzy
September 21, 2016 at 6:40 pm
My boyfriend dumped me 3 years ago after what I thought was an amazing two year relationship. We fought a lot but the chemistry between us was unreal we couldn’t live without each other. He did it by text after a weekend away with work. I didn’t find out until 7 months after that he had got together with a girl from work and had moved in with her. He blocked me on all channels when I begged him for closure and answers, then a year later starts saying he wants to have sex one last time. This has continued up until now he says he can’t stop thinking about sex with me and is sexually addicted to me. He blatantly keeps asking for one last time and I have of course always said no. He begs sometimes it’s gets really weird and he says the sexual desire is killing him, but he is still with this girl, and asks me for closure.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 10:23 am
Hi Suzy,
If you really want him to stop thinking about you as his booty call. Don’t be his booty call.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 8:43 am
Hi Rhodonite,
I think he does have feelings for you, but if he really is serious, he has to leave his current gf. You don’t have a bf now, so the only moves he has to take is leave his current gf and pursue you.
stars(maris)
September 6, 2016 at 8:28 am
Hi Chris.. 🙂
I love reading your website’s article…, and this topic actually bothers me.. since my ex boyfriend whom i spent for 4 years… is now trying to reach me out.. ” He keep on asking my cousins if what’s my facebook name..then keep on asking how I’m doing right now? … ” but I’m really avoiding him since his the one who left me.. and whom who said “i don’t want to see again! ”
actually our break up story is that (Dec 2015) we broke up from a small fight that become a big fight then he starts telling me that he had enough of me and want to be free again. (Jan 2016) After a month we broke up he got himself a new girlfriend.. , actually i find out that he got a girlfriend..after 5 months (May 2016).. He told me he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet… but he lied. Then only then he told me he loved her girlfriend and their supposed to have a baby yet.. they lost their first baby.. ,
I got mad to him because he only not lied to me but also use me.. since he have sex with me and telling me he doesn’t have a girlfriend when he already have one.. ,now if only i know he got one then i should have not got that far and had sex with him.
May 06,2016 is the last conversation we had.. and that is also when he told me ” Don’t ever talk to me and i don’t wanna see you again! ” then i block him on my Fb account so i wont talk to him again nor hear anything from him..
But then Now September 2016 its been almost 5 months already…
for as long i can remember he block all my cousins in FB and now he Unblock them and keep asking about me?…
I’m confuse, Why he unblock them then suddenly out of no where he keeps on asking my facebook name then how im doing?
“Didn’t he told me that he doesn’t want to see me again nor talk to me again?” now how come his being like that… is that being friendly or his having a problem with her Girlfriend or maybe just because of sex? ”
Chris i hope u could help me with all of this questions i have in myself.. you might be confuse on my english ..but i hope you can read them clearly .. : )
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 6:41 am
Hi Stars,
it’s more likely that they’re having a problem.. If you are going to talk to him again, dont sleep with him until you’re really back together
Beth
September 5, 2016 at 2:29 am
My ex and I dated for two years. A week after he broke up with me, he got a new girlfriend. We haven’t had any form of contact for five months. Then, out of the blue, he texts me that he misses me and realized I was wonderful. He said he was going to leave his new girlfriend for me. So we went for a walk just to catch up. He kissed me several times. We continued to talk every day until the next weekend. Then, he stopped talking to me for two weeks. He texted me a few days ago. His grandfather had died. Now, he’s talking to me every day all day again but he’s treating me like just a friend. Today he sent me a picture of his new hair cut and I didn’t respond. I had broken the conversation off earlier saying I was busy and would text him tomorrow. Should I stay his friend, go into no contact, lightly flirt or what? I know he’s grieving but I don’t want to be used as just his emotional support.
Beth
September 6, 2016 at 5:50 pm
Should I just stop replying or give him some kind of explanation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 9:45 am
I think it would be better if you tell him that you need space because it’s not working out for you to stay as his friend right now
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 8:43 am
Hi Beth,
try to do no contact.. so that he can grieve in other ways.. try to do just 30 days
Destiny
September 4, 2016 at 3:35 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 2 months ago. We had a problem with him hiding texts and his location last summer with a girl he worked with. I thought we resolved the issue and she was gone. About 2 months ago I saw a text that said, “I had a great time with you and hope to do it again sometime” from my ex to the girl. I asked him about it but he swears he doesn’t know why he sent that to her. I also saw him delete texts from their conversation. I broke up with him and moved out. A few days later, he texts me saying how sorry he is, how he wishes he can turn back time, and how he never ment to hurt me. I was angry and not accepting because this was the second time with the same girl. A few weeks later, I point blank asked him if he wanted to make it work or not. He replied, with “I don’t know” but can’t picture his life without me. Now, he is dating that girl not exclusively. They’ve been on dates which he tries to hide from me or he lies about it. I have been over his house a few times, but we didn’t have sex. He hides our relationship from her. He still texts me and takes me to lunch. He says, “It’s awkward” talking about the girl he is seeing and tries not to talk about it with me. He hasn’t change his Twitter photo from us and still can’t change his Facebook relationship status to “single” even though he hidden. I feel like he has the girl he always wanted, yet he still hasn’t asked her to be exclusive. I’m confused. Does he just want to be friends or am I on the back burner?
Destiny
September 5, 2016 at 10:03 pm
I haven’t decided on the no contact rule . We were friends before we dated, so I’m having a hard time ignoring him. Part of me just wants to ‘rip off the band aid’ and never contact him again, but the other part of me values our friendship. It’s not easy dropping the years we’ve been together, neither is it easy knowing there is another women in his bed. I’m in a pickle. So far, we have been contacting each other but I don’t know how long that can continue.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 5:37 pm
Hmm.. you might risk being friendzoned if you keep contacting him or being friends with benefits.. To help you decide, you can read this: EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 3:42 pm
Hi Destiny,
I think he sees her as a grass is greener case but he’s gotten comfortable with you already. It’s like she’s the spice of variety in his life and you’re the comfort zone.
Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Isha
August 29, 2016 at 3:07 am
Hi,
my married ex bf sent me an email(” hello petname”)after 10 years of N.C. I have moved on and I did not reply to him because I know he is married and has 3 kids! I am now wondering why he emailed me and why he still calls me by my petname?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 8:10 pm
HI Isha,
that’s a hard question, but it’s more likely that him and his wife may be having a hard time now.. And we’re not sure if you’re the only one that he messaged like that.
Lisa
August 24, 2016 at 3:59 pm
Hi team. Ive wrote a few comments before but i really do need help understanding this new development. Today i txt my ex (ex since march) i told him i still love him and that i want us and our little family back together. He has a new girlfriend (since a week after we split) but today has set up a new fb page to message me back. He says he doesnt want to hurt his now gf but says he misses ‘us’ aswel but he thinks it has gone too long and too far now. He stopped messaging because his gf turned up. What does all this mean? Is there any hope for us to get back together?
Lisa
September 1, 2016 at 7:36 am
Ok so should i just give up now??
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 2:45 pm
if you want to try again.. you have to move no without fully moving on.. if you want to give up, that’s ok too.
Lisa
August 26, 2016 at 11:20 am
Just an update.. He has not spoken to me since the other day.. I dont want to txt again and risk annoying him. Dont know what to do…
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 4:28 pm
Hi lisa,
that means he chose his gf.. he’s being protective of his relationship now..
he has to see that you’ve moved on first before he becomes friendly with you again so that he wouldnt think you’re a threat to his new relationship
Lisa
August 22, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Ok, try to figure this one out. Met a guy while he was visiting parents through mutual friends. Saw each other a few times while he was here. Kept pressuring for sex, I said no. First date I had since my divorce after 23 yrs of marriage. Couple months later, he visits again, calls, we go out most nights he is here. He is after all visiting family so have to share. We do have sex this time around. We are in our 50s after all. Time between visits, texts and phone calls. Lives in another state far away. Comes up again, more time spent together. Should mention that times we did not go out while he was here, we did hang out with his family. Couple months go by, I fly and spend weekend with him. He wanted longer, but was not possible. More texts, more phone calls. All the time, I did know that he was dating others. We never had a conversation because yeah, we are adults and realize life issues. See him again couple months later, spend even more time together. Basically he spent day with his father while I was at work, nights with me. Family dinners with his family, blah blah. He goes back and we start talking about going on vacation together. His suggestion. I agree and we start looking and trying to decide. New Years Eve day, he texts that he is excited about vacation and book one late April and if he doesn’t get a chance to text Happy New Years. Wake up next morning- on facebook (yes evil facebook) there is a picture with him tagged on a date.
Kick to the stomach I mean yes, I knew he dated but still stung. We never really tagged photos of us. I didn’t because I didn’t want to intrude on his life without a commitment or at least convo. Then the tags and check-ins started one after another. All the woman’s doing. I admit I pulled away and didn’t ask. Feb. I asked if we were still going on vaca, he said he’d get back to me busy at work. OK- writing on wall. So I book a trip to visit a friend. Texts are now a thing of the past. Likes all my photos and stuff, but no response. Text and tease him when his now gf posts “new relationship”. Have short convo. Hear nothing till 4 months later when he again up visiting. Ask to meet for drinks with mutual friends. I agree, cause I wanted an apology and food. ha ha. I mean, yes, we had no commitment, but thought we were mature enough that if either one got serious with someone else, we’d tell the other.
So, I think you can guess what happens. One of the first things he says is that he moved in “with the person he has been dating” last week. Came up to get some of his belongings. Had nice evening with our friends and found ourselves alone. All through the evening you could feel it slipping into familiarity. When he used to come up, we were a couple. He drove me home, wanted to see my new place, I had moved since I last saw him. Tells me he still likes me. I’m not buying it but say I think we need to talk. Basically, I think we both could have handled everything better. He didn’t think I cared as much as I did. Kept saying things like maybe you should have, I wish you did, blah blah.
Yes, slept with him. Now what? I truly thinks he does care about me and the whole thing is a rebound, but now complicated. All of his friends are “couple” friends, he has no where else to live now. (I know lame) Do I hold out hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 26, 2016 at 3:55 pm
Hi Lisa,
with all due respect.. I think it was a misunderstanding..
for you, both of you were just being adults and not needing a label but of course, you want him to commit. For him, he thought you were not that serious because he didnt see or hear that you want him to commit.. I dont think she’s a rebound.. It looks like she’s a grass is greener case. If he goes back again in your town any time soo, dont sleep with him again..
so, when did you last talk?
Maya
July 18, 2016 at 8:59 am
Hi Amor,
Me and my ex dated for 3 months. I moved to his city and leave my life+friends and everything I had in my hometown. Our relationship was short but originally were planned to get married. 3 weeks after breakup he have new GF and change his profpic (from what i know, he hates people with this kind of profpic). After another week fully emotional – ugliest breakup reaction i ever did, I DID NC (1 month after breakup). But i stay in his city, cause i already start new business and networking in the city. I can not just walk away from what i’ve just started and move back to my hometown.
Successfully 30 days NC, i sent him 1st text about The Jungle Book movie (let’s say i sent the greatest text by telling him the latest movie on cinema and I nailed his favorite thing). I get quick response in 10mins! it said … “I’ll let him know”
me try to be positive ;
A. if he’s the one that replied, i guess he doesn’t want to talk to me, but at least he’s not angry.
B. if the new GF replied, well .. she is sure feel threaten by me, I better walk away.
So I planned NC for another 2 weeks before sending him my 2nd text attempt. Within a week, I met another guy, date him and hanging out around the town (without intention to make this new relationship seen by my ex).
10 weeks after breakup with my EX, I’ve got phone call from a friend of mine, he seen my ex at my favorite coffee shop IN MY HOMETOWN, by himself. That day was supposed to be the day I sent my EX the 2nd attempt text. But it was the busiest day on the event that i’ve been working on. I told my friend, do not worry i already got a new BF. The next day, I type a text for my EX with WOW content, etc like you guys advice. I never sent that text, but new BF seen it. We brake up a week later. I know it’s a rebound.
At this point ; I began to see a lot of drama in this town, people here love to butt-in on other people’s business. and they enjoy to watch the cause of what their doing to other’s love life and business life. Including my previous relation with my EX, and several weird rejected events by companies that would hired me. I shut myself from unimportant event and being way more careful with people in this town. This i take it from my EX advice and story when we’re still together. And I start to reminiscing all positive things my EX teach me about life. It takes me 2 weeks to just focus on myself. And I start to know where to step, how to act in this town.
I feel like this is the prime time of my life in this town. I am back being ME, the cheerful, easy going and full confidence with my weirdness. I walk around town with heads up but my chin lower than anyone (just to keep myself out of the drama radar) And to keep my life balance, i have my old friends watching my back from my hometown and sometime visit them on the weekend.
So 12 weeks after the breakup ;
The same old friend call me, he said that my EX came back to the coffee shop and this time he’s talking to my friend .. and act like he just visiting an old friend, asking my friend why never text him. my friend reaction ; just trying to be cool in front of him, but told me that i should never talk to my EX again. He said, it will not be healthy for me if we’re both getting back together. He’s basically said that my EX is an asshole.
Just after I hung up the phone, I’ve got EMAIL FROM MY EX. He said that he’s so happy to brake up with me and now he found the lady that he’s been looking for. he even told me that he take his GF to our secret place. for that he sent me a “gift” ; several pictures of him being lovey dovey with the new GF.
I was fully enjoy myself and was so proud that I actually dated a good guy.
My Ex, no matter how asshole, hypocrite, and sometime shallow .. he that taught me a lot of things about life.
But this .. this broke my heart .. this is too lame ..
This gave me mixed feeling of how happy i am that he’s actually still thinking about me, proud to myself that i am better than him, also disappointed that my best guru doesn’t have show respect for himself, his current GF and me. I literary walk away
But the story hasn’t finished yet.
I’ve got involved in someone else’s drama, just because I borrowed a tent to go camping with my EX (when we’re still dating)
the tent, along with some of my stuff were still left in my EX house and he never allowed me to take it back. I checked that is an expensive tent, and i don’t have a money to exchange it with a new one.
So 15 weeks after breakup , I replied to his email. (I know is not a good idea and it wasn’t a good email either)
I said good, it’s great for him (for the new GF) and thank you to come visit my friend twice and sent email to let me know about him, since he have so much time to do that, i believe he’s also have more time to sent my stuff back and the most important is to drop the tent back to my friend’s place. I suggest him to sent via courier so we don’t have to meet. He never replied. Instead he changed his email profile picture with a picture with his gf.
This drama tent is happening between A and B, A is the owner of the tent. Me and my EX used to hang out with B a lot. even after the breakup B is being neutral by still hanging out with my EX or with me. B is pitying me, he text my EX :
“hey bro, long time no see. how about hang out again on your day off, let’s go camping!”
the GF replied, using my EX phone, sending a video and voice message telling that they are on vacation,
and told B to go fuck himself.
B replied “hey bro, come on we are a grown up men, less drama please”
my EX replied “Sorry bro. I’ll call you, when I am back in town.”
And so 2 weeks after B text, my EX drop the tent to B house. Case closed. But he say sorry to B, for such a fuss the GF made, he said the GF doesn’t like him to have any other relationship with me nor anyone related to me..
I don’t know what conclusion that you could get from my long story. (PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW)
But all of those events .. got me thinking a lot of probability ..
Why my EX have to visit my hometown, why he have to told B about his current GF condition .. or my EX might never seen my 1st message, instead the GF replied to me. My EX might never sent the email, it could be his GF. but why .. why he even let her do that ..
Today, it’s 19 weeks after my breakup. Almost 5 months.
It pass the time I spent dating my EX.
I tried to set aside any logical thought I have and clear my feeling from the grey cloud toward my EX.
I realized, I still believe in my guts to have him back, to spent the rest of my life with him.
I haven’t move on. I don’t want to ..
But at this point I could only wait my EX back being single, before approach him back.
although i have no confidence that he will break up with this GF, they’ve been dated for 4 months by now – longer than our relationship ..
Please advice me for the next move that I should take to get him back.
Thank you Amor, you’ve been very kind to keep reading my whining.
Cheers!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 19, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hi Maya,
if the gf is like that then just keep being great, living a happy life and looking at your best because if she keeps being like that, he’ll get tired and probably wonder how you’ve been and check your profile and message you..
Jay
July 1, 2016 at 1:21 am
Hi Chris!
Okay, so what if he has a girlfriend but is willing to be friends with you, if his girlfriend is okay with it. And have been sexual with one another at one point. But he also claims that he wants to give his current relationship a go and if it doesn’t work out he would choose you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 5:12 pm
Hi Jay,
that means he’s making you a back up
Mary
June 30, 2016 at 12:51 am
My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We dated for almost a year. Not even a full month he’s dating someone older with kids. However, we’ve been flirting over text and he keeps playing words with friends. What is going on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 11:07 am
HI Mary,
stringing you along.. stop it and start active no contact.
Confused
June 28, 2016 at 2:01 am
I know my ex bf has been talking to a new girl. He’s living with a friend this whole time and I know he’s met up with her only once. It’s been less than a month. The few times I was able to spend time with him he always made a comment on our past relationship. He says that he doesn’t know if he can love me the same way he used to or that he’s afraid it might not work (meaning us getting back together). Then mostly everyday he calls me late at night to tell me that he loves me. Then just the other night he asked me why I loved him. Now I’m trying to contact him and I can tell he’s slowly going to get mad that I don’t respond.
I’m not sure what I should do going forward.
Confused and more
June 28, 2016 at 9:54 am
Also, I wanted to mention that we would make 5 years this year and I broke up with him thinking that he deserved better than what I could give him like going out and having fun. I tried to get him back 2 days later but he was changed already. He became distant. I begged and pleaded for him to come back. Only after 2 weeks then he started communicating with me again. We hung out a few times…always having fun like we used to, laughing alot. He then asked me 1 day why I wasn’t like this when we were together. I told him that I became boring and that I stopped living life and I know now what needs to change. But here I am today. It feels like I haven’t made much progress lately so I started NC again today. He has now called me twice. Left me 6 texts. The very last 1 he says, “Ok…I understand.. look..I’m done…I really am.. You go..Live your life..You deserve it..” This isn’t the first time he has sent me something like that after I ignored him for just a day I failed to mention in my earlier comment that within this month he mentions that he’s wants me to move on because he feels he can’t give me what I deserve. But then later he mentions like I said above that he’s scared that it won’t work out and that he loves me. I then kept telling him that I can’t fix what you feel in your heart but that only time can heal your pain.
I’m really confused. It’s like he lures me in then cuts me down. Over and over. Up and down.
What do I do to move forward and hopefully still have a chance with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 7:59 am
Hi Confused and more,
YOu ahve to stick to nc this time so that it doesn’t get confusing for the both of you and that you get a restart..
Anonymous
June 26, 2016 at 10:37 pm
Hi I was wondering if you could help me in my situation. Currently I just finished in the NC period. Right when my last day on the period came, my ex decided to message me with a “hey, wondering how you are doing”. I decided to wait one day before replying and soon after he told me he wanted to return this watch I got for him a couple of months ago for his graduation, (he said it was too much from me, ad he didn’t feel right keeping it). While all this is happening, my ex boyfriend is currently in a relationship with another girl. They got together a week later we broke up, and they are still seeing each other. This girl is completely opposite from me in every way.
I told him he doesn’t have to worry about returning the gift, but he kept insisting and eventually I told him we will plan something for this week and he can return it and ended the conversation.
I know I probably didn’t explain my situation clearly, but Im really confused on what to expect, what do I do? What does this mean?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 2:40 pm
Hi Anonymous,
continue on building rapport before the meet and then look your best when you meet up
Sharra
May 30, 2016 at 10:57 am
So, my issue is I’m 22 and my ex and I have known each other since 10th grade. We ended up getting together in 2014 and broke up at the end of 2015. So a month before my ex and I broke up I caught him flirting with another woman on Instagram and I was upset of course and talked to him about that. So then I went lurking and the month of our break up I seen him comment on one of her pictures calling her gorgeous and seen they exchanged numbers. Definitely asked him about it and he tried to make it seem like it was a “friendly” exchange. I wasn’t happy about it and let him know I didn’t appreciate the exchanging of numbers because he has other intentions. I was upset with him for a few days and he ended up breaking up with me, telling me he’s young and wants to live because he feels as though he doesn’t want to miss out on different experiences, and so he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s funny because I found out the girl I caught him flirting with they started actually dating (talking trying to get to know one and another to become an item eventually) right when we broke up. I was furious . My ex and I were still contacting each other through this time and he was telling me not to worry and it’s not what I think it is. Didn’t believe him. 5 months later he’s in a relationship with this girl and whenever I ask about him being with her he never gives me an answer. He just changes the subject. Yet, he posts her on his Instagram but while with me he claimed he couldn’t post me because he didn’t want people in our business. Yet, while he’s been talking to this girl hed ask me for thirst traps, try to come see me, and the other day just asked if I’d stay at a hotel with him a night when he gets one. Said no to all of these. And it upsets me because he puts on this front for social media like he such a great guy and even claimed this girl is one in a million and I told him if she’s one in a million to you why are you wasting your time trying to cheat on her? He wouldn’t even answer that question either . He appears “happy” on social media but while texting me he claims he’s sorry and that he hopes we can be something down the line.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 4:05 pm
Hi Sharra,
which do you believe, his actions or his words?
La La Girl
May 26, 2016 at 12:52 am
Wow, great article on ex’s! I am hoping you can answer my confusing situation. I have known my ex for more than 25 years, we were lovers when we were younger, however I would never have a relationship with him then as I was a bit of a wild child. For years we would have this on and off again thing, he would even come and hang out with me and my boyfriends, as friends, I never cheated on them. I know he was in love with me as he would always spend half the night staring at me. During one of the times we were alone, and he hit on me, I freaked out, letting him know that I couldn’t cheat. Years went by where we didn’t talk and he got a woman pregnant and went on to marry her and have a child. I tried to reach out to him to say hi through mutual friends but it was difficult as they seemed to no want us to have contact. Years go by and we have had brief contact, I am now in an unhappy marriage and his marriage is now over, he chased me like now one ever has, and of course we started this crazy affair. Prior to the affair, and chasing me down…he had hooked up with a girl he knew from high school, that found him on Facebook, but she broke up with him. Btw he seemed to carry a torch about her breaking up with him. He had gained quite a bit of weight when he was married, and this woman seemed to not be turned on by it. Fast forward, she became the catalyst of many a fight, he never lied to me about her, and i knew when she was calling him etc. he even told me to tell him to not talk to her, but i could never do that, I’ve always felt people need to make their own decisions. Well, i broke up with him, and literally within a day he was sleeping with her, of course a huge fight came to be as I contacted her, to inform her of our relationship. She knew nothing about it. Well, after vast amounts of texts from his new girlfriend telling me they are engaged and so on. We finally had no contact, until 3.5 months later, when he asked me to call him. He said he couldn’t take us not talking, and hating each other, he then would not take no for an answer and had to come to my place where he spent the night….Ive told him that Im not that girl, and I know something is lacking with their relationship for him to be calling me everyday or so.. Sometimes 10 times in one day…Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated, as I do love him and always will, its been more than 20 years … Its just so painful having him in my life again, and I do miss him, i know he would jump to come see me, but I just can’t do it, Im afraid he will hurt me again……
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 29, 2016 at 11:59 am
HI Lala girl,
so right now, he’s still with her?
Serendipity
May 16, 2016 at 9:45 pm
So there was a guy I use to date for about 7 months, who told me that he didn’t want a relationship bc he felt at that point in his life he wasn’t ready to be in a serious committed relationship. I eventually came to terms that despite our great connection and chemistry. I couldn’t take the mixed signals, my situation was not changing and he would never commit to me. He told me that it was just bad timing. I completely stopped talking to him, he would contact me and I would barely answer and then he would contact me again, until he finally stopped. I met someone new and we had a great relationship
but all the while a part of me still cared about him. My relationship ended and I am very heart broken. Out of the blue I just saw,after a year of not running into eachother or speaking, the guy from the past. He came up to me and we talked for about 20 minutes. He said it had been so long and asked how I’ve been and told me he remembered the last time he saw me. Which was passing eachother on the street. I asked if he was in a relationship and he said uhhh kinda and I laughed and said what do you mean kind of and he said well it’s long distance, I don’t know. He seemed like he was telling me he didn’t know if it would work out. Then he said I’m going to text you tomorrow, and laughed and told him I had to go. I was in shock after not seeing him for so long and he had weighed so heavy on my heart. We had such fun when we were with eachother and I always felt I met him at the wrong time. I couldn’t believe we were actually speaking. Sure enough he did text me saying good to see you, let’s catch up. I said sure, lemme know when you’re free sometime. That’s about as far as the conversation went. I’m not sure what to think of it and I’m definitely trying not to let myself think that he misses me and wants another chance. Especially bc he’s in a relationship and I’m still hurting over my breakup. It just seems like serendipity. I’m not sure his reasoning for wanting to “catch up” maybe he’s just being friendly, but I don’t know.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 7:13 am
Hi Serendipity,
heal your heart first before jumping into a new relatioship, so that it wouldn’t be rebound
Anna
May 13, 2016 at 3:13 am
Hi Amor,
So my ex broke up with around the beginning of the year or so and we had been together for 5 years. He moved away, we were still together even after he moved, but after some time, he told me that besides the distance he had his reasons for wanting to break up and it’s been months since then. We’ve kept contact the whole time, we even gave each other silly nicknames to sort of replace/ help us get out of the habit of calling each other “honey” or “sweetie” like we always used to.
Around this month he suddenly stopped calling me by my nickname and when I asked if he missed me, he said “I miss you sometimes. But there’s something serious I have to tell you” and revealed he has a new girlfriend. Now, we still keep contact, in fact, we were messaging each other today. But what we talk about doesn’t seem to be anything special (a mutual friend between us told me that he and my ex were also talking about the same thing which was this tv show).
BASICALLY, what I’m getting to is: Should I take this as reason #4) My ex is just being friendly with me? Or could this possibly be #1) the GIGS syndrome?
Some of my friends tell me that he’s probably just being friendly and that I’m over thinking things, but some tell me that this is possibly a “rebound relationship” because of how fast he’s moved on (especially since we were together for so long) and he’s probably just “testing the waters” and “possibly comparing us”.
I’d really apperciate a professional’s / expert’s advice, please!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 14, 2016 at 3:17 pm
Hi Anna,
I just want to make it clear, you said he stopped talking to you for 5 months and then when he started to talk he broke up with you?
APRIL
April 27, 2016 at 3:18 pm
My ex girlfriend of 5 yrs broke up with me earlier this month. She said the reason she broke up was our constant fighting arguing and making her feel unwanted not because she didn’t want me. She is now dating her best friend soon after we broke up. I’ve begged and did everything I could to get her back and let her know I’ve changed. My ex says she loves me &misses me still. I asked her then why in a relationship with your best friend, she says she treats her well, look at her like she never been looked at before in years, protects her but she doesn’t know if she wants to be with her. My ex says she wants to believe me but it’s hard. She went back home which is 7 hrs away from me so we been away from each other for 4 months now. To this day, she still texts me and calls telling me how much she loves me her heart is with me she just afraid to come back if things are the same. I really don’t know how to handle this situation. I do love her but I don’t know how to make her feel safe with me. I told her I started getting help for my anger issues when she left to visit her family. I have changed a lot these past 4 months since she been away. I started doing NC 2 days ago. I know what I want but doing it to see if she can figure out what she need & want. Can you please help because I’m lost on what to do or feel in this situation? Am I doing the right thing in NC? If so, how many days? I don’t want to come between their relationship if she’s happy. I do however what her to know what she wants.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 5:36 am
Hi April,
well the space would definitely help for her to miss you more and realize that you’ve been changing lately for her.. so just continue that during nc.. try doing 21 days and when you get to talking again be positive and continue what your activities..
Kate
April 5, 2016 at 10:42 pm
So just to clarify I totally screwed things up. My ex and I were together for four years. After a massive break up I applied ANC. I’ve lost weight. I’ve changed a lot in my life. I work out. I’m dating. Hanging out with friends. Posting a lot bc even though my ex doesn’t like anything his gf posts he likes everything I post… but I’m still very depressed and want him back. So he started texting me on day 30 of ANC. He told me he was depressed and that I was the only person that could make him smile again. We talked for a little he kept asking for selfies of me and kept telling me how beautiful and flawless I was. But the thing is I knew he had a gf because of pictures this girl had posted on Instagram. My ex to this day does not like anything she posts on any form of social media and he has not posted anything of being in a relationship. It’s all her that does the posting which gets complicated later in this… a few days of talking later we skipped straight to a meet up and he came to my house and he wanted to cuddle and kiss and I stopped it and said no because you have a gf and he proceeded to tell me she was this crazy girl at work that created this whole fake relationship with him. So we slept together. Then we were texting more and he posted a selfie and she commented baby <3<3 and he had her take it down and I asked him if she was his gf and he swore no and that he would tell her to back off. Then he took me for a movie and a nice dinner and he paid the night could not have gone more perfect. And we somet together again that night… Then we had plans to go on a trip to Catalina but he had to cancel bc his mom had had a major surgery and he had to take care of her. That's no lie bc he'd told me when we first started talking and who makes up an alibi for plans they haven't made yet. Okay so I got upset bc the plans fell through and the last text he sent me was, "I love u<3 and I'm going to prove it to you. It may not be today or tomorrow but I will"… Since then his gf went public on Twitter and I now see all of these relationship pictures of the past month of their relationship so she isn't crazy bc he's kissing her in these photos and there's a lot of them. So they are in a relationship. I found a post that shows he was with her in December before we'd officially cut ties in January. They've only officially been together since February 16th according to her but now my ex has cheated on his girlfriend with me twice and I am not sure what to do or think about this situation. I can't tell if he's playing me or if he's really unhappy and was telling the truth when he said he wanted to take me out on small dates to win my trust and heart again. So what do I do? We were together for a long time so I do understand we needed to break up and see other people for a little if our relationship was ever going to work out in the long run but from what I've told you how hopeless is my situation. I want to blow up his phone and ask him why he lied to me especially bc now I feel like shit bc he's now a cheater and I helped him become one. But I won't because I know any more negative interactions will push him more towards his new gf… This relationship is 100% a rebound bc 1. It started before he ended our relationship and he's had no time to process our break up after being together for 4 years
2-She says she loves him and he's her human diary and her best friend which shows the relationship on her side is moving way way too fast. And 3. He slept with me so he has to have been telling the truth that he was miserable.
So what do I do? Should I give up? Did sleeping with him push him closer to his new girl? Help
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 10:41 am
Hi Kate,
if he knows about the twitter pictures, let him explain about it but this time, don’t be intimate with him if they are still together.. You have to choose.. it’s better to let him go and save your dignity than have him but become just one of his girls
Erika
April 4, 2016 at 10:36 pm
So I lost my virginity to this guy and broke things off with him because I felt he was not into me the way I was into him. He always contact me to see how I am. Based on the fact that he is friendly with all his exes I can’t say it’s because I am special . He also always wants to meet up and I first I agreed but he cancel me even though it was my birthday then I thought he had moved to another city so I contacted him to know if it was true and I myself started seeing another guy that is really good to me so I am not sure if he saw this thru my social media but at any rate today he contacted me to let me know he is dating someone seriously but would like to meet up with me over dinner and catch up. What the hell ? Is he being friendly or he still has feelings for me ? Before I left I have him the chance to be with me but he told me he longed for me but couldn’t offer me more than that .
Erika
April 11, 2016 at 5:51 pm
You are right! I blocked him from Facebook and deleted everything about him. I feel stupid but proud of seeing things clearly. I just wanted a different perspective to see if from another angle you could see the hope I saw or help me see it in better light. Thank you so much ! I think he just felt guilty for breaking my heart and never loving me the way I did him. It hurts but it’s life 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 9:36 am
We hope the best for you Erika!
Erika
April 11, 2016 at 6:58 am
Seeing me exes post with his new girlfriend destroys me but I see he is happy and proud to show her off, unlike with me. It was cruel for him to reach out to me to let me know about her. I feel it was better without me knowing or finding another way because pretending it doesn’t hurt only makes me depressed. What advice do you give me ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 1:59 pm
Honestly it’s better if you move on
Erika
April 11, 2016 at 6:00 am
I know that if he truly wanted me we would be together but I love him so and it hurts me to see him with another girl. Why does he keep contacting me still ? And most of all why did he wanted me to know that he was in a serious relationship if we haven’t seen each other in 2 years ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 1:29 pm
it’s leaning more on being just friends..since you said he’s really friendly with exes
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 8:34 am
Hi Erika,
it’s hard to tell.. it’s like he playing