Why Does Your Ex Boyfriend Contact You When Hes In Another Relationship

413 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship”

Beanie

July 27, 2015 at 5:02 am

I am in desperate need of advise. My ex broke up with me almost three months ago because he thought I nagged at him, when I was honestly trying to communicate my feelings and concerns. he finally just couldn’t take it and broke up with me.

QA week later started talking to a girl he denied he had any interest in. I did the stuff I shouldn’t have for about a week, but then stopped. After a week went by and I let him go, he reached out to me. Telling me he missed me and loved me and hadn’t moved on. I found out he was still talking to her and lost it and resorted to me freaking out, which pushed him back towards her. After about 2 weeks, he reached out to me and has been contacting me almost every day. he says he wants me in his life, but I told him I can’t be his friend if he chooses to be with her. It doesn’t stop him from reaching out. He gets mad and gives me trouble if he thinks I’m dating and lately he has been responsive to talking and meeting. I met him a week ago, just to talk. I didn’t bring up anything about our relationship or the girl and he was very flirty and touchy. Nothing happened. When we left he kissed me on the mouth real quick and told me he’d call me tomorrow. Which he did. But he had a wedding, he brought her and I flipped out sorta. Not to him but to myself. I texted him I was stupid and that I need to move on. The next day he responded he understood. I called him and never heard back from him until the next day when he acknowledged the message and he would call later. He did but I did not answer. The next day I got another text that he tried to talk to me, but he guesses that I’m not interested in talking anymore.

I didn’t respond because I don’t know what to do anymore. Why is he doing this? He tells me he’s confused, he lives me. He’s trying to move on but can’t. Why is he with this other girl then? I battle with no contact because I feel like it pushes him to be with this other girl. But being in contact with him though I have gratification that he’s not moving on, still hurts that I’m not the one with him. Likes he’s still choosing this other person.

I’m sure their relationship is easy. But how can it even still be working if he’s in love with me and telling me he hasn’t moved on? What is the best and fastest way to get him back? I felt he was coming around. Before he didn’t want to meet me, or would never call when he said.. But he started too. I just can’t take not having all of him and feel like I’m in que, waiting in line until this rebound fizzles out.

I’m afraid no contact will just make him stay with her because he will feel like I’m moving on and not interested anymore. So he would just give up.

They’ve been dating for almost three months… Can this relationship be more than a rebound? Sorry for the lengthy message
Cece

July 24, 2015 at 5:55 pm

What if my ex cheated on me after being together for 7 years.. on and off he has been telling me to move on but each time he came back on contact me..sometimes even acted like normal. FYI, he even said he has this new girl and he does have feelings with me..he kinda left me for the girl that he cheated with but often come back..each time no sexual involve ..just usual talking..what could it means?

Cece

July 24, 2015 at 5:57 pm

Correction..he said he has new girl and does not have feelings with me anymore

Sarah

July 17, 2015 at 4:19 pm

Hi – I went through a breakup with my long-distance boyfriend (he’s in England, I’m in Chicago) approximately a month ago. He was dating someone (a single mom with two kids – he also has one daughter) at the same time as he was with me (he confessed during the breakup). Anyways, I haven’t spoken to him for about a month. I think he is still in a relationship with her but I’m not sure since I defriended him on Facebook. Anyways, two days ago he contacted me on Whatsapp to see how I was doing and to say he hoped I was doing good. I didn’t respond right away – the next day I said I was doing well and asked how he was. He responded back today.

I’m keeping the conversation very tame and a bit cold (and letting a few days go by before I respond which he knows is highly unusual for me). We did end the relationship on good terms. I think I just want to be his friend, but deep down, would consider something if it made sense. I just don’t know. Do you think that he might be texting just to be friends? Or possibly more?

Sarah

July 17, 2015 at 4:20 pm

I should mention that we have met each other – he’s been to Chicago. I just haven’t had a chance to visit him in England.

wobble

June 20, 2015 at 10:05 am

Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex bf two years ago and we have children together. He’s moved on since that time and he moved near me he still drives passed and asks for the kids. We have had no contact for two years only the kids should I move on when it still hurts after eight years together. I’ve dated and even got asked to be married to a date that went on for two months but I call it off because I am still in love with my ex bf. Help please!
lydia

May 27, 2015 at 4:32 pm

Hi Chris!
So im 20 years old my ex is 22 we were dating for almost 5 years his mother meddled a lot in our relationship I would see she would try to break us up and he wouldn’t believe me and eventually he broke up with me a week later he started dating his co worker. a month after our breakup he texted me and we talked in person and ended up sleeping together. She confronted me about it i ignored her and she started lashing out on me and disrespecting me so i made the mistake of arguing back with her it did not end well. After that i decided to move on that the wasn’t worth it so I started no contact i was moving on with my life when 6 months into their relationship he showed up at my apartment said he was thinking about me and wanted to see me we talked and talked and ended up sleeping together again. About two weeks after that he came again said he wanted to give me closure he told em he moved out of his house that his mother basically disowned him because they got into a fight when she told him that she was trying to break us up on purpose and as very happy i was out of his life. we were on the sofa he was crying and i held him he told me all of his problems said he felt like he was going crazy i said why did you come here you have a gf and he said you know the entire situation i knew you would tell me the truth and help me. so we talked for hours he said that i was a great gf that he sees now that i had always tried my best to make him happy and support him but that his mom had gotten inside his head and if we would have met now that he lives alone we would be very happy. Now the whole time we were talking and crying his phone was going off the hook ringing and buzzing his gf wouldn’t stop texting non stop. we needed up sleeping together and he slept over he asked me in the morning if i was going to tell his gf I said no i don’t have the time or need to get into a back and forth argument with her I’m not proud of my decision to sleep with you so why would i run and tell her. he looked so shocked he’s like the old you would tell her and i said exactly i didnt like who i was becoming dating you i was becoming petty and bitter and dramatic now that we have been over for 6 months i have no intentions of being that way again. so we made small talk and he left but now I’m confused. I don’t understand whats going on but I’m also not going to become a text gnat and bother him over and over I don’t know why he came to me about his problems
jess

May 13, 2015 at 12:08 am

Hello Chris. I love all your arrticles, they are very informative. Anyways, my ex (who has a gf) called me Saturday afternoon…twice! The very next morning I texted him, “did you call me yesterday?” and he replied, “sorry, I didnt mean to”. The two days after I see him but he avoids eye contact. Is there anything by this or I am reading too much of it?

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2015 at 12:48 pm

I think there is something to it…

Anu Dhiman

April 20, 2015 at 8:00 am

HI Chris!
Well, I (Anu- 29 yrs old) have already told you about this guy 34 yrs age. He approached me through matrimony website and wen i didnt respond he contacted me n then my sister on fb to respond him. Wen i first go to talk to him he was in depression and I took him out. Then He was convincing me for marriage initially n i thought its not possible though we both liked and loved each other but I always told that we are an will always be good friends, so he slowly changed his mind to friends. This happened for about 2.5- 3 months. Then I finally realized I badly wanted to marry him but by then he had moved on with another girl and now he is involved with her since last 2.5 weeks and doesnt want to break her heart though even marriage with the other girl is not very sure right now as she has an outstation govt Job which she and her family dont want to leave.
My problem is that we have not had a typical lovers relationship though we shared that level of love, but most of it was unsaid and even if said it was under very good or best friends tag.
Now he says he ll make that girl leave her job and marry him. and on the other side keeps sending me his pics and wants to keep a friendly relation with me.
Answers to your qs-
He doesnt seem very happy in his new relationship
In his past relationships he still cares and thinks and feels pretty much attached to his past.
though he seems a peacemaker and nice person.

Please suggest how to tackle with this and whether to go for NCR. I am doubted because we have not had a typical realtionship nor a typical breakup.
He wants to be friends but I think there are mixed signals. He doesnt want to loose me from his life and wants me his friend always.
Whether I should keep intimacy and respond to his msgs or shud i take NCR. (I m not texting by myself but get confused wat to do wen he texts or calls)
linda

March 29, 2015 at 12:49 pm

Hey chris, I’m in a weird situation and need advice. It’s a little long. My ex and I split about six months ago and we were in a relationship for almost two years, lived with each other that whole time and we had a kid. He ended up hitting on his co worker who in turn, told me she didn’t think highly of him. Well, in a heated argument, I let that little information slip and he confronted her. A month after the breakup, they’re seeing each other and he’s posting all this stuff on fb saying how much he loves her yada yada and now her and I don’t see eye to eye. Well, six months later, they have some type of fall out and I see him in court and we hadn’t seen each other in about a month and he keeps glancing at me. Well, the next week, everything is better than before, he’s communicating, calling to update me on our son-something he’s never done before and even dresses our son in clothes that he knows I like him in. And during this whole time, I’d just been keeping all calls and messages short. Well, one night, he asks to come get some stuff for our son and I tell him I’d be out of town that night but didn’t tell him it was for work. Well, later that night, i heard he went back to his gf and I still treated him just as cordial until the next day he shows up with our son, in her car with his gf-something that’s never happened before-and when I asked about the car and the girl, he just stated that, she’s just his ride to work. What is my next step from here because I feel like I’m just reading into everything..

admin

March 29, 2015 at 1:57 pm

He’s never showed up in her car before?
linda

March 31, 2015 at 3:18 am

No he never did

celine

March 25, 2015 at 10:31 pm

I read the article but I think my situation is some what more complicated and different. We were on and off from about 16 and started serious when we were 18 or 19 and dated for 3 years.he started becoming friends with this girl towards the end and we had other small issues that I wasn’t comfortable with so I broke it off hoping he would change. The same girl and him started getting serious shortly after. I never contacted him but it always makes it a duty to contact me and even though he would tell me about him and her if I told him about my relations he would get irritated or mad. I have been in a serious relationship for 3 years now and we have broken up for about 4.5 years but he still contacts me. He is still with the same girl and everytime he contacts me he wants to meet up or something. The last time I saw saw him about a year ago he told me that he wants to be with me but I didn’t really take him seriously. Now I feel like I have really lost him and I can’t get over him emotionally at all. So last November I sent him a message about us and he said we should just be friends because he doesn’t want to hurt me but he still contacts me and will ask me to meet him but it hasn’t happened yet, though he said this girl is making him happy. I don’t understand at all and I know I probably need to really try and get over these feelings

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:08 pm

How long has he been with this girl?

Rach

March 4, 2015 at 6:13 pm

I screwed up and lost it when my bf broke up with me on February 10. He was living with me and decided to go back to the mother of his kids after we had a relatively small fight. I broke the NC rule on Feb 23rd because I am stupid and he didn’t respond. Today however I got a text saying he was sorry to bother me but he wanted to know when he could pick up the rest of his stuff and mail that I haven’t gotten back to him.

I haven’t texted back… but should I? I mean what he left was an old carpet and some opened mail.

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:21 pm

You are allowed to break the NC to exchange things.

Britney

March 1, 2015 at 5:57 pm

I’m a little confused about the “just being friendly” behavior. I’m 20 days into NC and he has a girlfriend. They’ve been together about one month. He still has “single status” on FB, however, and while she has him in her profile pic, his has no change. Also, I should note, every picture of them together is one she or her friends have taken and tagged him in. Yesterday, he “liked” one of my pics I posted (uncharacteristic of him). I did nothing. I got to thinking about it, and what if that was just to be nice? And, if he eventually reaches out, how will I know if this is just friendliness? His last relationship before me was his divorce, so I can’t really go on that in terms of how he treats exes. What other signs do I look for if he texts a “seeing how you are doing” text? Mentioning her in a positive way? Just chit chatting? I want to be very cautious in this case, so more details would be really helpful for me.
marry

February 27, 2015 at 2:24 pm

hey chris, i have a question here i think you should talk on that one. what if i heard that my ex is dating someone new and he contacted me and he was sweet and flirty a bit and when i ask him if he has a girlfriend he said no.he doesn’t want sex i know because there is LD aspect and when i mention meeting up he said ok someday.so what is his motivation in this case !!!!!
HS

February 22, 2015 at 8:24 pm

I went 36 NC and reached out to him on the anniversary of my grandma’s passing. It was the first time he flew down from Georgia to be with me and in the middle of our holiday weekend she passed. He went above and beyond and drove me to my home, took care of my dog, and met my family under those awkward circumstances. He responded to the text favorably telling me it was indeed a magical weekend and that he’s happy he could bring me joy that weekend.

We dated for 9 months and I broke it off because he was too clingy/we had emotional problems. I suggested we become friends and we did so for roughly 3 months until he was unbearably clingy again so I sent him a letter on January 7th saying we should no longer be friends/dont’ contact me again.

I was feeling good until 5 days later I hear his a new gf and I panic and committed basically all the big no nos. I began texting him, begging, pleading, and even showed up unannounced at his apartment. A lot of really hurtful things were said and I left there shell shocked. He’s been dating the new girl for exactly a month. During that time I went NC and didn’t contact him until about 2 days ago. Like I said he responded nicely.

However, I was twitter stalking him, I know big no no, and I accidentally followed him. Panicked I reached out and apologized. We started talking and I think I messed up by telling him after the big fallout we had I’ve been in therapy and learned our relationship was codependent. He said thanks for typing that out but you don’t need to worry about me anymore.

I know him and the new girl are only a month in and she’s 2 years younger than him, he’s about to turn 22, and I have a feeling it’s a rebound considering we dated for 9 months then were very close/almost coupley for those next 3 months but he sounds so happy. He sounds mellow and level headed. Idk what to do.

Do I go no contact again? He hasn’t been mean to anything I’ve said but after I brought up therapy I wonder if he now looks at me with pity.

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:26 pm

I would just try to stay relevant at this point. Relevant on his mind I mean.
HS

February 22, 2015 at 8:32 pm

I should mention the relationship was LD for the first 5 months then he abruptly moved down here in May and attempted to live with my family and I. It was awkward because he didn’t really have a desire to do much. So we moved him up to my apartment about 3.5 hours where he stayed rent free for 2 months. Then after that he moved back down with my family and we helped him find an apartment in the next town over.

We visited each other twice during the first 5 months, I’m from Texas he’s from Georgia, and each time was very pleasant. When he moved down here however a lot of fighting happened because he didn’t have money, cut ties with his parents, and was overall very displeased with his life.

Now, with this new girl they didn’t have to deal with LD, they work together, she’s become enmeshed with his friend group, and she lives 10 minutes from him. There’s no effort in regards to location and I think it makes the relationship very mellow.

I failed to highlight myself in the last message I sent him. Instead i apologized for the twitter follow and told him oh hey i’m in therapy. I know it’s only been a month but I’m def. not at UG status.

Daisy

February 9, 2015 at 10:21 pm

I have a unique situation and I was going to buy your e-book but I’m not sure this will work for me. Because my situation is soooo complicated it may be long but I want to make it as short as possible. I met my ex when he’d been single for 9 months after his Baby mama cheated on him and kicked him out to move her new Bf in. He was barely getting over depression and overcoming the betrayal in my opinion. Anyway, he approached me and wanted to start dating but I said NO because I told him I knew he was not ready (he had been in a relationship for 8 yrs – since they’re 15 – and have 2 sons). We started talking getting to know each other and I kept sort of rejecting him because of his situation. I was definitely interested and so attracted to him so we kept talking. Then I found out he was back with her but he didn’t tell me, I found out and he said we was sorry but he did it for his sons and he was no longer in love with her. I was STUPID and allowed it and it kept going for 5 months!! We had been in a non committed relationship. By month 6 he was kicked out by his baby mama again because she cheated again and he full blown came to me and we started a strong relationship, we were open, he talked to my mother, my sister and my brother asking for permission to date me because he was serious and wanted to marry me in the near future!!
He went a Little crazy about “us” and was just very affectionate and passionate in front of everyone. Kept telling everyone I was a REAL woman and I was “The One” and he doesn’t know what he was thinking not starting a relationship with me sooner!
So this AWESOME, INTENSE relationship only lasted for 3 months and I was the happiest I’ve ever been and madly in love!
Well all this got back to his ex (his baby mama) and she began drama and started threatening him with not letting him see the kids if he didn’t do x, y or z.
Point is my ex got back with his ex (his baby mama) and again he didn’t tell me. But he told me he needed space and he loved his sons and needed to spend more time with them. Eventually I found out he was back with her, but he and I were sort of together too! I was so angry called him a lying cheater and stopped talking to him (no contact) for 2 weeks!! Then I gave in when he looked for me! Asked me to forgive him, said he is in love with me but in a fucked up situation because she was jealous and would not let him be happy with another woman and threatened to not let him see his sons!
Ok, so CURRENTLY… We have been seeing each other pretty much for just sex once a week and we talk on the phone once a day!! I know he lives with his Baby mama! I am an easy girl to him I suppose, a doormat that puts no value on myself right? I think I get that!!
I have low confidence I suppose and I am ready to change that around. I read your website and all the tips and I can see I’m doing things wrong!
He knows I love him, he knows that the reason I’ve been talking to him and sleeping with him for almost one year whether he’s been exclusive with me or with his baby mama! In his eyes have a lost value completely? He usually talks about the admiration he has for me as a single mom (I have 2 daughters) about being financially independent, about having a college degree, as being a woman that isn’t “thirsty” as he says (because beside the father of my daughters) he is the 2nd relationship I have been in and the 2nd man I have slept with.
Chris, help me! Please help me!!! I am in love with this man, and I probably shouldn’t be but I’m most happy when I’m around him, he is so affectionate towards me when we are together, the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, the way he interacts with my daughters, the way he cries and tells me sorry for what we are going thru, he says he hates it and tells me it’s not live for his baby mama, it’s fear because she is crazy and dramatic!
Is it too late Chris? Since November after I did the NC rule for 2 weeks when i discovered he was living with his baby mama but also in a “complicated” relationship with me… That’s how long we have continued seeing each other on the “down low” and 3 months now. We ARE NOT together, we don’t go out, we have no dates, he comes over once per week and we almost talk every day about once per day!
I am settling for so little I know I am, because my mentality has been I’d rather have him a little than not at all! I’m so in love with him!
I think I act needy in my actions, but I tell him that I know we aren’t in a relationship and that I get it! When he apologizes for not calling I don’t act mad, I tell him not to worry and tell him I totally understand! I tell him I have a life and I don’t sit around waiting for him to call or visit because I know he is not single technically, while I am and I come and go places as I please!
I tell him I’m happy with my life, with my job, as a mother, I tell him I make the best of my life, my situation and seek happiness in the things that I do.
I tell him all this with confidence, I don’t reach out to him, I’m not the one making the phone calls, yet I answer all his calls, well 90% of the time!!!
So Chris!!
I know I’m wrong accepting to be “the other woman” I’m putting no value on my self worth, I’m a prize yet my actions are saying otherwise!!
He knows that twice now, I’ve accepted him and “things” to happen without commitment!!! So I’ve told him pretty much, hey I’m easy, I’m needy of your attention and your love or the sex or whatever you can give me at YOUR convenience, at YOUR time!!!
I get it! I truly do get that I am wrong!
Will this program work for my situation? Is it too late? How do I start if he has been my ex for almost 4 months yet we still fool around when he wants to?
Please help me!
Is this even worth pursuing? I have only been his 2nd relationship ever and he also for me, I feel he loves me but I feel he is unhappy and kind of forced to be with his ex. During the time he and I were exclusive she would call him 10 – 20 times in a row and if he didn’t answer she’d call me to ask to speak to him. Always complaining about their sons, crying about how she can’t make it financially with their sons, telling him she was going to have to move in With her sister (4 hrs away) because she was going to get evicted, etc…

Sorry for the lengthy comment
Help

admin

February 10, 2015 at 3:48 pm

No problem!

I like lengthy comments.

You definitely need to show him you are stronger willed than just the “easy girl.”

The strategies will definitely help you.
Daisy

February 10, 2015 at 11:01 pm

Aaahhhhh so excited you replied!!! I thought you were going to maybe roll you’re eyes and think, another desperate lengthy comment from yet another girl! But I’m psyched you actually answered and weren’t bothered by the length of my comment!
Thank you!!
Ok, I will show him I am stronger! I am no doormat, I’m not that easy girl. I am on Day 2 of the NC, I kind of didn’t break off what we had or even mention anything. We spoke normally this past Sunday and Monday morning as usual, he called me and I didn’t answer. Should I have said something before starting the NC rule? I mean I had been telling him for the past 2 or 3 weeks when he tries to apologize for not calling or not coming over, I “act” like it doesn’t bother. I would say: “No worries, I understand you aren’t single and we aren’t in a relationship, you don’t have to explain. It’s cool” I’d say to him: “Listen, no need to explain, I don’t sit around and wait for a call or a visit, I have a life, I work, I have 2 daughters, I have family and friends, really… No biggie, I know we’re not together”
So…., What are your thoughts on having started this NC rule abruptly? No warning to him? No conversation to discuss I don’t want to continue what we have, not wanting to be an option, not wanting to be the other woman. Shouldn’t I have talked to him about it?
Will he possibly think I’m confusing since I’ve been expressing that I understand our situation, no need to explain why he doesn’t call me or visit me and me saying I continue living my life and I don’t rely on him for happiness?
Help!
Please, hope you can
admin

February 11, 2015 at 2:01 pm

No way…

I get a lot of comments but I try to respond to everyone at least once.

(though I could do a better job honestly.)

I love the no warning NC… I think its more effective.

Madison

February 8, 2015 at 3:53 pm

Hey Chris, so I’ve passed NC and were in the texting phase. We talk every three days, I initiate conversation but he responds back positively and creepily just like in your examples. So yesterday I used the good memory text and he was listing things from the event and even mentioned how we told someone we were married. Then I ended the conversation like you said to do and told him I’d love to hear from him sometime. He replied saying okay and that once a week we could check up on each other because it was nice hearing from me. Aka friend zoned. What should I do for my next step? I’ve read your PRO book and the entire website and I know I’m supposed to flirt next but I don’t know if that’s what my next step should be. Could really use the help. Thanks Chris!

admin

February 9, 2015 at 4:37 pm

Ok, just to let you know. This website and the book are guidelines.

In other words, your own situation goes at the pace you sense. IF you sense your not ready to advance to flirting then prime him a bit longer.

anon

January 31, 2015 at 3:40 pm

My ex who already has a serious gf, occasionally texts me asking me out if he happens to be around my hometown or around my workplace.

We broke up more than 3yrs ago. And to be honest. The longest time we’ve not been in contact is when i did nc on him for a mth plus. Till then he’s always reaching out to me. Just making small talk through text msgs. I will usually give very neutral replies, most of the time i wont even reply, esp if he asks me out. I have not taken up his offer for lunch, dinner, coffee and whatnots.

Seriously chris, i just cannot help but wonder why is he being friendly? And lately it seems as though he always “happen to be” around my area, every week. Based on his dating history, no. He does not maintain good relationship with most of his exs. Is he looking to try and get me back or just being friendly? How can i tell for sure?

admin

February 2, 2015 at 1:41 pm

Well, the silver lining is that you two are on good terms when in the past he has burnt bridges with exes.

Has he given you any other signs that he may be in the “liking you” camp?
anon

February 3, 2015 at 1:13 am

Well. Once i asked if he was going to a wedding of a mutual friend of myself and his gf. He said no. I asked him why not? Your gf is invited, Wont you be accompanying her? He just replied most probably not. Unless you are the bridesmaid, i’m sure you’ll be the prettiest bridesmaid ever, so maybe then i will go.

He sometimes texts me good morning beautiful etc using pet names on me. When before (meaning after we broke up yrs ago) he will just address me by my name.

Anyway. I also notice that he has been dating his current gf for more than a year (obviously not a rebound) but till now. He has not made their relationship “facebook official” i see many photos of him and his gf in his family gatherings (i’m still facebook friends with him, his mum and sis) he is tagged in those photos but none of these photos he made it visible in his profile. Also, his gf has no facebook account so maybe thats why he chooses to not let the tagged photos show perhaps? I do know that she opened a shared instagram account with herself and him (which is privatised; not visible to me) also, my ex is pretty active in facebook; he allows photos with his family and guy friends appearing on his profile.

The way i see it. It seems as though his gf is so full of herself and him while he seems pretty low key abt their relationship; which is silly cause everyone knows they have been dating for a substantial amount of time.

So what do you think chris? Do you think my ex still loves me or just plain flirting? Do you think he’s serious abt his gf?
anon

January 31, 2015 at 3:54 pm

His relationship with his current gf. She has been telling our mutual friends that they are making future plans and getting married. But my ex has been telling me no. And trying to convince me that he’s not serious with her. Any idea whats up with him chris?
admin

February 2, 2015 at 1:44 pm

She sounds like she is stepping a bit, huh?

Don’t let it get to you ok 🙂

Natalia

January 30, 2015 at 5:20 pm

Hi Chris, I really need your help. Me and my ex had been dating for moreless a year. We broke up in September. The reason was simple: I was his 1st love so he probably wanted to experience more before he settle down. He said he didn’t feel like at the beginning of our relationship. I was so sad, the relationship we had was srsly amazing, we had just small fights, we had the same taste in music, food, we had common friends, we knew each other’s parents, the love we shared was passionate and strong. But then suddently this happened and we broke up. After some time I met a guy and we started dating.I really wanted to move on since my ex hurt me a lot. unfortunately, the more I was with him, the more I realized I still liked my ex. When my ex found out I was not single, he went totally mad. He unfriend me on FB and texted my friends if it was really true and stuff. That was in November. In December, we met on the New Year’s Eve. He didn’t even talk to me, he was freezing outside the house until I left.. However, at 5am he texted me, drunk. When I replied the other day, he was kinda cold. 2 days later he texted my again, on his bday. He said that for his bday he wished us to keep in touch normally. He said that he wanted to stay friends, that he didn’t want to make things worse. 3 weeks later we met on the ball. He invited me for a drink and we talked for more than hour. By this time I was not with that guy I dated anymore and on this ball I decided to tell my ex at least a bit of the truth. He cleared some things up and we explained each other some things. It was really nice.. Then he finally add me on FB and texted me. Unfortunately, I found out he his kinda seeing someone. That girl is from his class, they’ve known each other for over 3 years! He always told me things about her that were not much nice, like no insults but still. He always considered her as a friend, he even told me many times she is not attractive. They are not official, they didn’t even tell anyone, like if it was a secret. Our common friend find out by accident and she doesn’t understand this either. She said he was definitely not it love with her because she is sure he still likes me.. That girl is completely different than he is- and Im not saying it as an ex girlfriend that still likes his ex- but as someone who knows him perfectly. I hope she is just a rebound because I just know he doesn’t love her, they are in the same class everyday, they are not official and they are just so so different..I wonder what shall I do to finally make him realize we should give it another try..It’s shame how it ended- which he said aswell, as well as that I’m simply special to him…What should I do? Is there still a chance?

admin

January 31, 2015 at 3:26 pm

Well, starting off have you implemented the NC rule?

Amanda

January 19, 2015 at 11:02 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m in desprate need of advice regarding my ex boyfriend Sam. Weve been seperarted nearly 5 years. We have a 6 year old daughter together and were engaged and lived together. We split because of his drinking issues and I felt I couldn’t trust him. I met someone else and was with Luke 5 years until recently we split. I didn’t know within this time Sam wanted me back and was mostly single throughout the 5 years I was with Luke. Sam hated Luke and was very jealous. I didn’t naturally assume he wanted me back and I didn’t think it was genuine, i thought he was desperate because he couldn’t find anyone else and was hung up on the thought of the relationship not me myself.
Anyway 6 months ago my daughter had something to tell me. Her dad Sam had a girlfriend and was told to keep it secret from me. My daughter didn’t like her and was scared of her. I naturally questioned Sam and was furious he told my daughter to keep secrets from me. So I told him to keep his relationship separate until I’ve met her. Sam said and stated they were just friends and he would hope it would turn into something but it was nothing serious. Getting really emotional about the subject. Stating I got with Luke to quick after we split and opened my legs to the first gas fitter that came by (NOT TRUE). I felt guilty and We started talking more and getting along a lot better. Talking a lot more about unresolved feelings and issues. He text me saying I was the source of his desire for 4.5 years and the source of his greatest pain he’s every felt. Texted me saying If I offered sex on a plate to you right now, you wouldn’t come over. I said what? and he texted back saying see your all talk and no action. To my face when I challenged him on that text he said he would of liked something to of happened that night. We would of talked about feelings, It was dark, I would of asked you to stay the night and one thing would of lead to another. – Wishful thinking. Texting and saying things that can be interpreted a different way and they saying something different to my face. I find out with all the going on that Samantha is indeed a girlfriend not “friend” and i feel badly hurt. That i’ve let him get close to me again and he’s messed with my heart and head. Coming over to mine, hugging me intimately and talking about feelings. Saying he hasn’t got over the relationship and is still coming to terms with it. Me naturally getting angry and wanting answers, i’ve texted him and called him to much. I’ve pushed him away but I’m so confused. He thinks i only want him back because he’s with someone. That the hardest thing was letting me go but the hardest was saying no to getting back together with me. I’m so confused because I feel he still loves me and wants to be with me, but has his guard up and has even said, If i give everything up to get back with you and it all goes wrong again, we will hurt each other even more. I just don’t get it and I just don’t understand what’s going on. He’s hurting me out his confusion. I think he still loves me but why be with his girlfriend after what hes said to me? Is he punishing me? He’s been with her 8 months now. He won’t let me meet her because what I may say to her or show her, so therefore my daughter isn’t involved with them. He just thinks i’m out to gain whatever control I have. But if he was honest with her she would know what he’s texted me, if apparently i’ve read into things? I don’t get what he’s thinking? What’s genuine and what’s not. What’s the truth? apparently i’m in denial hes moved on. But why text me and say things about us and our past. He doesn’t want to talk to me because he can’t trust me not to talk about feelings…

admin

January 20, 2015 at 3:44 pm

Yes, he won’t let you meet her for that exact reason.

Your not in denial.

However, you are caught in the grey area of not knowing what to do. Let me make this easy for you. Do something for YOU and not him. If that means going on a few dates then do that. If that means just not dating for a while and forgetting about him for a while then do that.
Amanda

January 20, 2015 at 5:15 pm

Ok, do you think there relationship is genuine? Or is he spiting me in some way? What you read into that and think I’m reading into things. Are he clearly is damaged and still has feelings for me. How do I try and win him back?

Sarah

January 14, 2015 at 6:12 pm

Hi Chris.

So in my situation my ex and I broke up but ever since he has still acted like my boyfriend. We don’t live in the same state but he still says he loves me all the time and comes to visit me. However, several times in the past few months he has acted like he wants to go do his own thing or date other girls and I have accepted that and stopped talking to him and then he comes back every time. I did the 30 day no contact and he kept texting and calling. I’ve also gone several weeks without talking to him a couple times and he always tries to get ahold of me. For Christmas he gave me a bunch of presents including matching couples shirts. However, I stopped talking to him for several weeks and then he kept trying to tell me he wanted to talk in person. I finally called him and he explained that he’s gone on a few dates with someone but he doesn’t feel the same about her as he does with me and he’s not going to continue to see her. He also talked about how he still see’s a future with me. Then he came over even though I told him not to. We didn’t do anything sexual but we did kiss. He told me over and over that he loves me and that he’s going to work harder to show it. He talked about possibly moving in together in the future and more things like that. The next day I texted him letting him know that he can’t stay the night again as long as he is pursuing other women. Even though he told me is not still seeing the other girl I know its possible that they’re still talking or that he will date someone else and I’m not comfortable with him staying the night under those circumstances. Well last night he texted me saying that that night was a mistake and he gave me no reasoning for it.
I am extremely confused as to why he would say it was a mistake when he was the one pushing so hard to see me and I was saying no. Why would he talk about a future with me etc? I know there could be many reasons why he said it was a mistake: the other girl, him not wanting to lead me on, him pushing something I didn’t want, etc. But do you have any idea which one it would be? Also I’m thinking now but be a good time to just cut all communication with him for about 2 months until he has time to mature and figure out what he really wants. Us going back and forth with each other doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.

Please let me know what your thoughts on this are. Thanks!
Sunshine

January 8, 2015 at 11:31 pm

Hi, I posted my ‘story’ Under your guide about How to get your exboyfriend back when you have kids…. My ex contacts me every day and expresses a great deal of interests in us and our relationship. We talk CONSTANTLY (laughing and joking and he has very fond memories of our relationship), until he gets off work and goes home to his girlfriend then I dont hear from him til the morning.. He says he wants to be with me, However, he won’t leave his girlfriend. I think he is waiting on her to break up with them, and truthfully that may never happen. What SHOULD I do??

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