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97 thoughts on “When Will My Ex Start Missing Me?”

  1. Paola

    October 17, 2019 at 5:59 am

    My boyfriend recently broke up with me. We had been together for 10 month and had been dating for 4 month before that. We live 1 hour apart and he works usually also during the evenings till 9pm and I have a office job. This made it hard for us to see each other during the week. Usually I visited him 1 day during the week and whenever possible we spent the weekend or some of it together. We went on lots of trips and vacation together, so we could spend really one on one time. We always had a great time together. During our time together there was almost no fighting. He was always very sweet to me. He got a new job last July and he asked me if I would consider moving there with him. I agreed eventhough we weren’t together that long. I met his parents, he met mine, I met close friends of his, he met a couple of mine, he told everyone that I was his girlfriend. He talked about having a family with me and a future together. I had no doubt he was sure he wanted to be in this relationship and I really fell hard for him.
    We found an appartement and signed the contract, I quitt the contract of my appartement and we were planing the moving for the end of October. Then, 10 days after we have signed the contract he called me On the phone and broke up with me. He told me he had developed feelings for someone else and that he never felt the spark in our relationship but that in his head it was all perfect and the logic decision to be with me. But know this eye revealing thing happened (I later found out, that they kissed the day before) and it made him realize that he didn’t have enough feelings for me.
    3 weeks before he had just told me the first time that he loved me.. without me saying it first.. he later said it was hard for him to tell me that he loved me but he fell like he had to tell me since I was moving soon there..
    I was devasted, since this came all out of the blue for me. He never said that he was unhappy about anything, he was the one pushing the relationship forward and starting to talk about our future together.
    5 days after he broke up with me on the phone we met in person and we talked.
    He is focused on pursuing this new girl who currently has a boyfriend and is half his age (she is 19 and he is 39). He said everything he could think of is how he can make her break up with her boyfriend and be with him.
    I really have no words for what had happened to me. I just wanted to hate him for everything but I can’t believe that he didn’t feel the same way for me. He invested also a lot in the relationship. It felt like he got cold feet and now, that the honeymoon phase was over he just replaced me with someone new.
    It has now been 8 days since that talk and I have not heard from him or contacted him since. Will he come to his senses or is this really a lost case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 20, 2019 at 10:06 pm

      Paola if you focus on yourself during your NC and work on being the best version of yourself. Then when it come to reaching out and your texts are interesting to him he will be more open to talking to you and building that connection again. You can not control how he reacts or if he works on himself during that time

  2. Shantel

    October 13, 2019 at 11:54 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up because he doesn’t feel like he’s right for me. It was after an amazing weekend together and he told me that there are so many things he loves about me and he doesn’t want to date anyone else. What steps should I take from here?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      Start with NC and read as much as you can through this article and the YouTube Channel and familiarise yourself with how the process works

  3. Deena

    September 22, 2019 at 4:36 am

    My ex dumped me on january. In june he returned saying that he missed being with me and we agreed to be calm about things. However 2 weeks ago he started ignoring my texts. He was online but wouldnt reply. I asked him if he really wanted to be with me because i was really starting to fall for him, we even made plans for the future and i was getting my hopes up, but now i was feeling neglected. I also told him that if something personal was happening to him he could tell me and i would understand. At the end since he didnt reply, i told him i would take a step back for now. A few days later i went out with a friend because i needed to distract myself from the situation, and i uploaded a casual picture on instagram. He saw it, got angry, automatically unfollowed me and texted me saying that we would talk the next day. It was really shocking for me because he knows i go out with friends often and never made a jealousy scene like that before. I explained the situation to him and told him i wanted to work things out but nothing yet, he’s been completely ignoring me. And i also stopped reaching out to him. He keeps posting things like “i want someone to really want me”, “i rejected everyone for you, and now i have nothing” or things like “i want her to want me (but as if directed to another girl). Did he think i left him? Im banging my head against the wall because of it. I know maybe i did hurt him but he was ignoring me! I want him back. We had plans for the future but i cant figure out anything now. Im heartbroken. Next week Is my birthday and i dont know if he’ll reach out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2019 at 6:10 pm

      Hi Deena, I think it sounds like you’ve had some communication problems there between you both. Stick with your NC for now and read on how to reach out after a no contact for the first time.

  4. Amy

    September 19, 2019 at 8:45 pm

    my ex broke up with me because his work occupies 80%+ of his time and he doesn’t have time to do anything else and felt it was unfair for me. he said love is a choice, and he can’t choose me right now but says he wants to try again later when he has more time. he said he wants to get back together in half a year when things die down. i don’t want to wait around but we haven’t talked in about 3 weeks now and we have a game that only he and I used to play together and i see him online playing the game all the time. he told me before that the game reminded him of us. what does this mean? why hasn’t he reached out to me? i’m not going to reach out first for sure.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2019 at 2:46 pm

      Hey Amy, so the best thing for you to do is complete a nc and work on being ungettable I would also date. If he is expecting you to wait around for 6 months for him he thinks he can have you when he wants you. You need to put in the fear of loss. There is plenty here with that information if you read some more articles

  5. christy

    September 13, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    Me and my ex dated for 2 years. I broke no contact however he replied right away and expressed that did not regret dating me and that he learned a lot about himself as well as having unconditional love for me. He said he will always have me in his heart but we were just a good coincidence and that we need to move forward. I replied that I am doing good and that I learned a lot about myself and am working two jobs and realized my mistakes. The last thing I sent him was a smiley face emoji and he did not respond. Do you think if I wait he will come back and text first or should I just move on and forget about him and learn from the relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 15, 2019 at 12:39 am

      Hi Christy, if you want your ex back then start with a no contact and read all the materials provided on the website for your best chance of getting your ex back.

  6. Nicolina Mannino

    September 13, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    I broke no contact after a month and he responded right away and very maturely. He responded by saying that he does not regret dating me and that he will always have me in my heart however he feels that it is best to move forward. He also mentioned that he had unconditional love for me. I told him that I am doing good and that I learned a lot about myself and I am becoming more independent. How we left off was him leaving me on read after I sent a smiley face emoji. Do you think there is hope for us to get back together? We were together for 2 years and it’s been a week since he has not responded and I have not reached out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 15, 2019 at 12:38 am

      Hi Nicolina, if you read more of the materials and follow the program you have given yourself the best chance of getting your ex back

  7. Laura

    September 6, 2019 at 10:21 am


    I was together with my ex for 9 months, and friends with benefits with him for about 9 months before that. Although he has always been doubtful about his feelings for me, the feelings had been growing over time, we were talking about moving in together and such. I went on holiday with his family, and he told me he saw me as his future wife. He broke up with me a few days later, because he felt he didn’t love me enough (this is about 1.5 months ago).

    After that we still had a 2-week festival thing together with friends, which neither of us could skip as we were working there as well. We ended up just acting like nothing happened there. After this ended, we tried to end the relationship for real, I still have a lot of questions about the breakup, didn’t see it coming at all, and don’t understand how it can be true that he has no feelings. Also asked for insights on things I should have done differently so I can work on myself, and on what he wants in terms of contact/friendship in the future. But he doesn’t know the answer to anything.

    I initiated no contact, realising I couldn’t wait on closure forever and had to work on myself. We broke up quite amicably, I try to respect him, although I don’t understand having lost him at all. I failed NC twice after 4 days (drunk texting is not ideal), and am now at day 11. It’s absolutely awful, I miss him, and it’s getting harder to keep up NC, even though he doesn’t initiate anything either. I’m getting so negative from this that I’m not even sure if no contact is the way to go at this point.

  8. Nicky

    August 27, 2019 at 1:51 pm

    I was in a relationship for 17 years and we broke up because of something my daughter did that I kept from him. Once he found out he blew up and things just spiraled out of control. About a month after we broke up, he went on a dating website and met a woman and started dating her immediately saying “she’s everything I could never be”, and posted a picture with her on Facebook for all my friends and family to see (I don’t have a Facebook). I’m extremely hurt and confused. I haven’t contacted him and just trying to focus on healing. Everyone says this is a rebound, but he swears it’s not and he didn’t expect things to move so quickly.

  9. Laura

    July 22, 2019 at 9:19 am


    My boyfriend of 9 months and I broke up just over 2 weeks ago. He broke up with me and did so in a very respectful manner. However, it did seem to come out of nowhere. He told me he thought I was too clingy and during the conversation I made it clear that I disagreed with him. However, when I was silent for a minute (sitting on opposite sides of the couch) he said he always found it endearing the way you could see the tips of my ears through my hair. That just made things incredibly difficult for me, since I didn’t want him to compliment anything at the time. The split was very civel and we hugged and joked before he left. Afterwards I sent him a text saying that I had enjoyed our time together and even though I was disappointed, I would respect his descision and I hoped he would be very happy. He responded to it by saying he was sure I would make it and he hoped we would run into eachother someday. After that, I broke contact with him.
    I did end up talking to his parents about a week later, because I had bonded with them and they had helped me through a lot, so breaking ties with them without seeing them felt wrong. I spent about an hour with them, talking about all sorts of stuff, most of it not related to the breakup. His mom then told me that he got kicked out of uni that week and had moved back home 2 days prior, which made me think about texting him that I was sorry that had happened. I ended up not doing so, because I didn’t want to break NC, but I felt weird about it, because I wanted to be there for him.
    He almost never posted on Instagram, but last week he posted two days in a row. The first one was a picture with a caption related to an inside joke and the second post were two pictures of him grilling meat, which was something I would always tease him with, since he looked like a dad. He also had #dadmode in the caption. His sister posted a cute picture of them together on the same day and the day after, she posted a video of him in her story. I was starting to feel paranoid, because it felt like they were trying to get my attention. My friends told me to unfollow them both, but I became quite close friends with his sister and I don’t want to unfollow him, because it feels way too extra.
    I have had a brief text exchange with his sister about a concert she went to, but neither of us mentioned him or the relationship.
    I have not been in touch with him for 16 days now and I am starting to feel better, but I do want him back. I am torn between 21 days NC or 30 days, because the 30 days just gives us a week of contact opportunity before we both go off on holiday for a week. I still hope that we can get back together, but I at least realise now that I will be fine either way.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 22, 2019 at 2:41 pm

      Hi Laura…I am glad your are feeling better and are doing things to lift yourself up. The healing and recovery is an important piece and cannot be overlooked. I think a three weeks of No contact should be sufficient. Be sure to follow the steps I discuss in my Program – EBR Pro Bundle – as to how reach out to him when its time.

  10. Ashley

    July 18, 2019 at 8:49 pm

    My ex and I were together for 4 1/2 years, we started dating in high school and he was defiantly my high school sweet heart. Once I got out of high school he moved in with me. At this point we had been dating for over 3 years, we lived together for a little over a year and decided to not only not to renew the lease together but he decided he didn’t think it was a good idea to live together anymore because of the possibility of us breaking up, and leaving someone in the awkward position of having to look for a new residency. This was completely his idea, I would have loved to have found a place together, but I did see where he was coming from. Once we both moved in to our new homes things seemed okay, we still talked every day and made it a point to see each other as much as possible. To me things were going good, but I guess in his eyes things were fading and in the beginning of July he told me that he doesn’t believe that what we have is love and feels that what we’re doing is just wasting time. Of course my first instinct was to beg him not to leave and to give me a second chance, which only pushed him farther away looking back at it. However he agreed to end things on a positive note in person, which ended in me staying the night watching movies as if nothing had changed, and he said we were fine and that everything was good between us . 2 days later he texted me that he has this overwhelming feeling that we need to call it quits, of course again I begged for him not to leave and that we could make it work. This again just pushed him farther and he stopped responding the whole day, until finely he responded saying I could come over and we could say our goodbyes in person. I did further research and found the No Contact method and right way put it into action, didn’t go over that night and immediately the next day he texted me about this show he was watching, and while I did respond brief and impersonally it took a lot out of me not to try and beg for him back but I didn’t. In fact I went a whole week of no contact and it felt great, I felt as if I had the upper hand, since then its been over 2 weeks and so far we’ve (me) broken no contact twice. Personally I don’t see the possibility of being with someone for almost 5 years and ending it so spontaneously, and moving on like it didn’t phase him, but it’s happening. However once I stopped begging for his attention or wanting to try and get him back I’ve been okay, there’s still a lot that reminds me of him and adds to the ache in my chest but I really feel like it’s over and I don’t want it to be. Everything being said- Do you think No Contact could still be effective and Do you think I still have a chance at getting him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 18, 2019 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Ashley….I know you have been thru a lot. And your focus now should be on self healing and your continued personal growth. I is positive you both have almost five years invested in each other. I do think that employing No Contact in the way that I teach it in my Program is the right path to take.

  11. Elizabeth

    June 14, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    So i was in a relationship of almost 6 years. We have an almost 3 year old. Our situation was very weird. We were fine and then one day we weren’t. My mom came home from mexico and he started talking about all these problems we supposably had, when i thought we were fine. So about 1 day after he told me day i became suspicious checked his phone calls and sure enough there were calls out to a girl. The girl he was/is talking to he met at work, according to him the calls were work related at first i do believe him but at some point they turned to something else. He was only taking to her for about a month when i found them. When i did confront him all he said was im tired or our problems im moving out. No signs nothing. I do not know if they were ever sexual while he was still living here but just one day before he i asked him about the calls he had told me over text he loved me. Random text. A day later i tell him about the calls and he was just done with our relationship. We have obviously been keeping contact for our daughter but he hasnt shown any signs of missing me, hes still seeing that women. Although i was told by a neighbor the other day that he drove by late at night. Im soo confused. I never got closure from him.maybe he got bored? Idk

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 14, 2019 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Elizabeth…I know what you are going thru is rough. Perhaps implementing No Contact would be the right medicine for this situation. Remember, one big part of NC is your own focus on self recovery and growth. Check into my Program to learn much more how it all comes together.

  12. Amber

    March 11, 2019 at 5:06 pm

    Hi there,

    My name is Amber and I was recently, like 4 days ago, broken up with. His name is Devon and I love him more than anything. We had been together for about 3 years. We started seeing each other in May of 2016. In August of 2016 he decided that he did not want to further our relationship because he was a senior in college and he wanted to have fun and be free and not tied down. I was really heartbroken even though we were not actually together, I saw a lot of potential in us. It took me about 2 and half months to realize that I wanted to be friends with him and after dating around I just wanted to be with myself and better myself. I mentally made this realization and at the end of October 2016 (about 3 months – the short term 1-3 month term) asked if Devon would like to go to a concert with me as a friend because even if we could not be dating I still wanted him in my life. He agreed and we went together as friends and then he told me that he missed me and wanted to be with me. I was blindsided, I wasn’t expecting it at all and I was excited because I did want it even if I was planning on giving up on it.

    Things were good, we had some problems but they were small and we always worked on them together. We were not living together but I was staying with him about 4 days a week and at my place 3 days a week. In November 2017 I was anxious to go back to school to get my masters degree so I could not have to work jobs I was not happy at. I looked around for a long time and realized that there weren’t many options in Colorado or even the US for my field so I decided to start looking abroad. I found a couple schools and sat down and had a talk with him. I said I wasn’t willing to throw away or strain the relationship by moving away so I said I would only apply to these schools if he was willing to come with me. He was very unhappy in his job, was wanting something different. I didn’t push him I let him think and he said that he would love to come with me and so I applied to the international schools. I got into my top choice in London, made sure with him again that he was still up for this and he was so happy and agreed, so I accepted and paid the deposit and everything. I had started looking at places to live in London about 3 months, May 2018, in advance but the turnover rate is too high here so they recommended I wait to about a month to start looking, okay that was fine with me but Devon was being distant and when I would ask if he was looking for jobs he would be somewhat down and say yes. He eventually told me that he was no longer willing to move out with me. This was about 2 months before I actually left. I felt heartbroken again and slightly betrayed. He had made promises with me then broken them.

    So we worked through that, it was hard but we worked it out. He said that when I moved back after my year masters program so September 2019 he wanted to move in together and that we’d 100% make it through the long distance because it was only for a year. I left at the beginning of September 2018 and found a place to live in London and we missed eachother so much and talked everyday and although I was coming back in December 2018 for Christmas he wanted to come visit before and we had a wonderful short trip in London half way through my first term. I then came back in December and stayed for a month. I stayed with him and had papers to write but he offered that I stay at his place the whole time. I guess while I was in London he got used to me not being there because he had issues while I was there. But I left in January 2019 and he did not tell me his issues until I was already back in London and over the phone, but while I was home with him he was apartment searching for us and was very verbal about it. It hurt to hear these things because I would have willing worked on them but I didn’t even know that they were problems. He gave me a list of things that I needed to work on to make sure that we would be happy when we lived together. But then he said that he wanted to postpone moving in together by 6-12 months. It took me a couple of days but I accepted this decision but I did feel like he would not be able to see the proof he needed to see to know that I was working on these things because I live in London and he was separating himself for when I would move back. But I was/am willing to work on these issues because I know we both have issues we need to work on to become better together.

    Devon flew me out to Colorado for my 25th birthday, I got there on March 8th and he broke up with me on March 9th. It came out of left field. I wasn’t expecting it. After he did it, he shut down and didn’t want to really explain why. I went and stayed with my dad for the remainder of my trip home but it was so incredibly hard. I just got back to London today, but while I was home I asked Devon if he would mind calling me and we could talk through things. I didn’t know if it would help and bring me closure or make it worse. The conservation kind of helped, I listened to his issues, some I had never heard before, and I tried to explain my side of what was happening or why I did something like that or what I really meant, that kind of thing. It was a long phone call and I realized after listening to what his issues were, was that they were all small things, almost all of them were miscommunications, that he let become big things because he didn’t talk about them. But I know that these are things that we are 100% able to work through because they’re just a lot of small problems that aren’t really anything but would make a difference if they were worked on or broken down. I am willing to work on the relationship but for some reason he is not willing.

    To me, this breakup feels like a fight because I feel like we just need to talk through these things. I know not to talk to him and follow the no contact rule for a little while but then I don’t really know what to do and I was wondering if you had any advice. I am wanting to better myself, I am going to try to better myself for me, not just for him while I am gone until September 2019.

    I have no specific question but I would like advice if you have any.

    Thank you.

  13. CC

    January 5, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 5 months, so it wasn’t too long. I got to love him so much and I thought he was the best that ever happened to me. We met at a dating site and we are both 35 years old. We both made it clear in the beginning what we were looking for and we both agreed that we were exclusive.

    Everything had been great and we connect in so many ways and it makes me so sad what we are going through. New years eve morning, as I was cleaning the living room from the night before (I slept over his house and we had drinks), I found his apple watch behind a pillow on his couch. I don’t know what made me look through it. He was at work at the time and I am all for privacy but I just had that rush to check. He hadn’t really given me reasons to doubt him but he does always have a password on his phone, which is normal. I usually keep it unlocked but its just me. Plus if he wants to look through it he can if he wants to. Let me add that he just had his phone replaced a week ago because his old one got damaged so he didn’t have much text history. There were texts between him and another girl. Automatically I knew that it wasn’t a friend friend as they were flirting. I have met most of his male and female friends and that name hadn’t been mentioned before. But after seeing that i tried to open another text from another female and I accidentally sent an automated text on the watch that said “on my way”  so I knew he will find out I was checking it.

    I left to my house and continued with my day. When he got home from work he called me as we had made plans to go spend new years eve with his friends and their family so we confirmed that. He also asked if everything was alright as he already suspected what I had seen but I told him everything was alright and was looking forward for the nigh. I knew he knew, one, because the other lady ended up replying and second because I put the watch on the table, but again I wasn’t really going to deny my actions either way, especially after seeing that text.

    We ended up going to his friends and had a great time. We got to his house after. We put on music and started playing pool. While we were playing, I stated petting his dog and I guess the dog got excited and peed on the carpet. My gf got furious and took the dog outside which I felt so bad because it was my fault in the first place plus it was really cold outside. I said poor thing and my bf said the dog should already know that is not acceptable. Then I was being a smart ass and said that if us humans mess up, lie and don’t learn, why should dogs know from right and wrong. By then he kind of knew what I was coming from. Turned off the music and said time to bed. We went to his room and I asked him why he always questioned me about my phone always being in my purse, because he thought I was being sneaky too? Then I asked him who that person was he was texting in a flirty way with. He said it was a girl he met at the gym a year ago which I doubt his words. If he had met her since then, he had already had given it a try with her being that obviously both are attracted to each other, and he wouldn’t have been in the dating site where I met him. He said he was sure I also text other guys like that but he doesn’t know. I told him I wished he already knew what type of person I was and I would do that to him, especially to myself. I then suggested that he really liked her if he wanted to keep her around by replying, and he said “maybe”. That did it for me. Got my stuff and went to get my keys to leave but my keys were nowhere to be found. I did blame him for taking them because I could have sworn I had left them at a spot. I started crying and told him I thought he was happy with me. He continued saying it was my fault for not saying anything when he asked. He then asked me for a key he had given me of his house and went to the bathroom, got my toothbrush and some of my toiletries I had there and put them in a bag. I felt so sad that instead of him apologizing he treated me like if I had lied to him. He even said that if he was to find out I was texting another guy he doesn’t know if he would forgive me.

    I ended up staying for the night and the next morning he acted annoyed but took us to breakfast. He still looked like he was mad at me and I even asked him if my presence bothered him to let me know, I know I am such an idiot. We still left and had nice breakfast. I felt like shit, I had no respect for myself for everything he did and I still stayed. I love him so much and I was afraid. I imagined myself with him and I painted a picture about us in the future.

    We got home and he still didn’t seem interested in making things up for us. Then I gave him a smile and told him I was going home. It was sobbing on my way home… I felt so lonely and so weak. I know I have a great hart and I did not deserve that from him. Later that day he texted me and said he was sorry for the way he acted and that he didn’t know what was going to happen between us but he hoped I was ok in the meantime, I didn’t reply. The next day he texted me in the morning asking me if I wanted him to leave me alone but I didn’t reply, I wanted to think things through and wanted to really think what to say.

    I ended up texting him when I got home from work. A long text telling him how heartbroken I was. Telling him how my only intention being with him was for us to be happy and devoted to each other, but I still didn’t blame him for things because at the end of the day, I allowed myself to think he was good for me. I opened my heart to him without fear of getting hurt and it was my choice, I just wanted to love him so much. I told him so many times before how happy I was with him and how much I loved him. I told him I needed time for myself and that no matter what I enjoyed out good times because they were more than good. Told him I didn’t know what was going to happen but that I wished him nothing but good things and that I had nothing for love.

    He texted me back again with a lengthy explanation and apologizing for being such an idiot and horrible towards me. He told me how perfect I was for him and for being stupid he lost me, he said he understood it was over for me. He said he wished he could do something to fix things and that was sorry for hurting my feeling so much. He said he would give me the time and hoped he would hear from me. He said him acting that was the worst thing he could have done, he said that it came in surprise and didn’t know how to handle it. But he said that there were no excuses for his actions. I wish I could have heard all of this in person that next morning. I wish he could have called me. I wish he could have given me a hug so firm to make me feel loved and understood.

    I truly love him but I don’t want him to ever do that to me and I feel like the only way he would learn, or at least really know if he loves me or not is for me to distant myself from him. I want to think everything and want him to do the same. I wish things wouldn’t have happened that way. I wish he comes back asking for another chance. I was hoping that by now he would have. I was thinking on calling him next week but I don’t know what to do as I have hope and out problems can be fixed. I know God has my back. Its only been 5 days since the last day I saw him.

    Just wanted to share this with you guys because I really needed to be heard.

    Thank you for your time.

  14. Kerrie

    November 24, 2018 at 10:47 am


    I was in a relationship with my ex for just over a year. This was mostly weekends to begin with for about a year but then he moved in with me. We have a very good connection and I know he does love me it was evident he did. However, he was struggling to find a job, he had no money and I was paying for everything and had little money. His ex who he was with before getting involved with me had stopped him seeing his kids because he was with me. He didn’t have no friends in the area, I was going out to work every day and I think he became lonely. He had a bad dream about his son dying one day and he left me a note saying he loved me and sorry but he has to go and see his kids. He had slept with his ex in our relationship and we’ve had problems with her so he knew I’d not like this as he can only see his kids by going to her house. I havent contact him and 2 days letter I receive a message just stating that he loves me til the f******g end and then put til the end. I was asleep so didn’t reply and this was on a wkend so he would have been drunk. I don’t want him back as I felt abit pressured and didn’t feel I was good enough for him to leave his own home town for, his kids and his family so I felt abit rubbish anyway always wanting to make sure he was happy and it was draining me. I do just want him to regret his decision and just say he regrets it and he misses me so I can just move on. He has gone back to his ex who he was with for ten years and has 3 kids to but their relationship wasn’t great. Will he miss me or will he be happy he has everyone back in his life. I know he does love me but because of the situation I just wasn’t enough for him and he was quite lonely. He won’t be lonely now.

  15. Alex

    November 7, 2018 at 4:12 pm

    My name is Alex. I broke up with my boyfriend in May because I had a really rough year at school and a lot of close people to me pass away. I was transferring colleges and felt that maybe the reason I didn’t like my last one is because I was so caught up in him. I was extremely confused and shut him out completely. We dated for 2.5 years before this (we are both 20) and everything was perfect. We were each others best friends and could trust each other with anything. We were always positive and rarely fought. He begged to get back together all summer, but I never agreed I was just so lost. I met up with him in July and thought we would get back together, but I was honestly too scared. We did not talk most of July and most of August and then I ran into him at a party at the end of August and this is when I realized how much I missed him. He told me at the party that he could not see me for 4 years and still feel the same about me and that he loved me so much. He drove me home from the party and ended up sleeping over. The next morning he woke up and told me he was too hurt and that he couldn’t look at me the same anymore. I asked him to meet up for lunch and he said “no, you had your chance for closure so many times and yes i feel the love but i can’t forgive you for that and i don’t what this. I told you if you kept messing up the present there would be no future.” I waited a month and sent him a letter in the mail. He replied by saying how thoughtful this was and that I will always be his best friend, but sorry this is not what he wanted right now and sorry he did not feel the same way I do. He had been hooking up with my best friends roommate which I was pretty upset about, but that ended because she said he wanted to talk too much. He tried to hook up with this other girl too but then saw her flirting with her ex boyfriend. After that he told my friend that it is clear that these girls aren’t going to give him what he wants and that he was so lucky to experience a true love with me at such a young age and know what a true relationship would look like. I just reached out to him over text (after 6 weeks no contact) and asked how he was .. I ended the conversation with maybe we could get lunch over thanksgiving break and he said with always nice talking to you, sure sounds good. I don’t know if he is really over me and truly sees me as a “best friend” now or if he is hiding his feelings because he is very hurt from me breaking up with him. I shut him out for a few months and tried to hangout with other people to replace him, but it only lead me to realize how special our relationship was. Was him hooking up with these other girls his realization that what we had was so great? Or no because he didn’t text me that he only told my friend? When he wanted me back in the summer he would text me that he loved and missed me now he does not contact me at all. I just feel so confused

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:07 am

      Hi Alex…I see a lot is going on. Hang in there. Remember the first rule of my program. Seek out healing for thyself. Then make use of an ex recovery plan so you have a sensible and strategic approach.

  16. Tiffany

    November 2, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    When I lived in Utah, I was talking to a guy I met online in Riverside, CA for seven months before I moved back to California. We hit it off great. We talked about what we liked and what we didn’t like along with the terrible people we once dated. We even face chatted with each other constantly. But as soon as I move back to California, he started becoming distant for some reason. After living in California for three months, he wasn’t talking to me very much, and he kept making plans to meet up for dates only to cancel them (we live only a few hours away from each other). He even stopped face chatting with me. I messaged him and told him my concern about his behavior. He had apologized and said that he’s been feeling down on not being able to find a job. I tried to give him some encouragement and support, but I felt like he wasn’t really listening to what I said. I even told him that if he needs to talk about anything that I would be there for him. Then he had the nerve to tell me that the only girl he was ever open to was his ex and that I shouldn’t take it personal if he doesn’t talk to me. I decided to go along with just to see if he needed some time to pull his head out of his butt. A month goes by and he hasn’t said a word to me. At this point I saw no reason to try and reach out to him because I already did. I was friends with him on Facebook at the time, so I saw him online along with the messanger constantly. At that point, I took a deep breath and I made the decision to let him go. What made me decide this was reality.
    1.) He was distant.
    2.) Wasn’t invested as much.
    3.) Would not meet for dates.
    4.) He mentioned his ex.
    5.) Has no job.
    6.) He is in his 30’s and he’s still clinging to mom and dad.
    7.) He stopped talking to me for a month.
    8.) He went to Arizona to help one of his friends move, but once again, he couldn’t meet up for a date.
    So what I would like to know is that do you think at some point he’ll realize that he messed up and will try to reach out, or was he planning on disappearing on me at some point? I just don’t get it because so much time was invested and yet so much was wasted. I just don’t understand why someone would waste time getting to know someone, compliment them, buy gifts that they never intend to give, and make promises that they never intend to keep. I just don’t get it. Do you? By the way, it’s been over a month now since I dropped him. He hasn’t tried to reach out or even apologize for being stupid and I’m not going to reach out to him because I’m not the one who messed up.

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 3, 2018 at 2:19 am

      Hi Tiffany!

      You did a smart thing. You put together what I call a plus/delta list. Once you can put things down on paper and look at it objectively, you can gain greater insights and this informs you on what to do going forward. If you feel you need some ongoing support, consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group which you can find more information about on my home page!

  17. Lynette

    October 26, 2018 at 2:29 am

    My ex is actually my husband. We have lived together for 4 years. I got pregnant around March. We got married in June of this year. We separated 2 months later and haven’t been together in 3 months. Where I’m pregnant, he wanted to stay friends. This just hurt me more to have him in my life after him saying he doesn’t love me romantically anymore. So my doctor said to cut off any stress. I haven’t spoken to him in a month. He said we tried to make it work so many times and that it was really over (he said this several times when we were dating and always came back in a few weeks) now he wants a divorce and it has been 3 months since our split and a month since I’ve cut off contact. I really don’t want a divorce and I don’t want to do custody battles. I just want my family together. The baby will be here in 4 weeks. What can I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 27, 2018 at 2:31 am

      Hi Lynette!

      4 years is a good amount of traction which could help down the road. But I agree that right now the priority is your emotional and physical health. You ex has been very selfish and not supportive during this important period in your life. Surround yourself with those friends and family that can give you the support you need.

  18. MrFren

    October 18, 2018 at 2:28 am

    My girlfriend of 5 years broke it off with me back in July… she started hanging out with someone else right after, started acting different. We kept in contact for a few weeks, saw each other. I really wanted to make it work, we talked about what went wrong. I decided the best thing to do was go no contact, out of respect for myself and her. Within a week she asked to see me, we hung out and had a good time one night. The day after she said she couldn’t see me for her own good and was having doubts about the breakup. I found out she starting pursueing a new guy as soon as we broke up, way out of character. I went back into no contact and three weeks after she messaged me to ask how I was, I said great. She asked me if she made a mistake breaking up and I just replied with “it’s been for the better”. She said she’s happy to hear that. A day later it was my birthday and she messaged me happy birthday, I never replied since it was at midnight. It’s been two months since that interaction, no contact. Recently she has been making Facebook posts about being very happy… parading the guy she was seeing through public posts (all her stuff is normally private and we are not friends). My cousin told me about it. I just said good for her. I haven’t reached out but I have this weird feeling that she’s trying to make jealous or show me how much better her life is now. Thoughts on this behavior or if it’s common? No contact has been rough and I feel so much better now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2018 at 11:19 pm

      Hi MrFren!

      Cool name for starters! 5 years is solid. Build traction and comes into play later. I agree, NC while its been rough, seems to be working for you. She is leaving you bread crumbs trying to get you to bite. So two months is long enough for no contact. Time for the next step in the plan…initiating contact, by building some interest as I discuss in my eBooks.

  19. Pearl

    October 2, 2018 at 12:46 am

    Hello, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 months ago, we still live together but i’m moving out in a week, would he would realize to comeback to me when i already move?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2018 at 4:06 am

      Hi Pearl…. I think rolling out no contact seems like a sensible strategy for your situation. Best to have a Guide or plan to follow so you know the tactics and steps to follow. Check out my home page for resources and tools.

  20. L

    September 18, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Me and my boyfriend had been dating for 1 and a half years we were friends for 4 years before we dated, for half that time we had been arguing quite a lot due to my fault, we broke up when i guessed he couldnt take anymore of it, ive tired telling him that i was sorry and i regretted everything, we tried again and it only lasted a week because i felt like he didnt love me as much as he used to, when i tried telling him he left and blocked me. That night he unblocked me and told me that he wanted his best friend back (me before we dated) after he said that i tried replying but for 8 days he would read my messages nd not reply. Because of that i got mad and asked him why, ge got mad and finally replied, he kept saying that he doesnt love me and that he doesnt want to be friends anymore either then blocked me. its been almost a week now and i really miss him. Is there a chance he will come back? or if he misses me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 19, 2018 at 12:08 am

      Hi L!

      Always a chance. Are you following my ex recovery plan as he walks you thru next steps?

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