If you’re reading this article, you probably know who I am and what I do – i.e., I help people get back together with their exes. So, I’m going to guess that you’re at a point where you’ve tried everything at your disposal to get your ex back, but it doesn’t seem to be working.
Perhaps that means it’s time to give up and finally move on.
But how do you ever REALLY know if you should give up on trying to get your ex back?
Today, I’m going to set aside all the general ideas you see floating around the internet and give you hard SPECIFICS to help you know whether it’s time to stop putting in efforts to get back together with your ex.
I’m speaking with the experience of having seen HUNDREDS of people fail at getting their exes back, and I’ve pinpointed the specific patterns and situations that develop right before that happens.
Five patterns to be exact.
- Your Ex Has Not Responded Your Last Five Attempts To Start A Conversation
- They’ve Been With Someone New For Longer Than 8 Months
- You’ve Been On A Hard Block Longer Than 3 Months
- You Have Broken No Contact More Than 8 Times
- You Get Pity Responses In More Than 10 Conversations In A Row
Pattern #1: Your ex has NOT responded to your last five attempts to start a conversation
My clients almost always struggle with two areas in the boyfriend recovery process:
- Staying in line with the no contact period
- Figuring out how to get an ex to respond to their text messages
After years of split-testing and experimentation, we have developed criteria to craft your first text message after a no contact rule. Most of the time, we get pretty positive responses when our clients follow these criteria.
But there’s always that one super stubborn guy who does not budge even after you reach out, wait a week, reach out again and on and on…
Well, when this happens for five consecutive weeks and you feel like you’re talking to a wall, it’s probably best to end the conversation and relationship.
Why keep reaching out trying to speak to someone who’s not even open to that conversation?
Now you may ask, why FIVE? Why is five the magic number to stop trying?
Well, we’ve found that if our clients use our specific first contact criteria, we tend to get responses pretty quickly right off the bat. But then there are always those stubborn stragglers who hold out.
So, five came out to be the average where reaching out more became pointless, and it was time to seek out greener pastures.
Pattern # 2: They’ve been with someone new for longer than 8 months
The BIGGEST fear people have when they’re trying to get their exes back is that their ex will meet someone better than them and live happily ever after.
However, here comes the dilemma of the rebound relationship. Has your ex actually moved on and found someone else, or is he just trying to make you jealous or get over you?
How can you know if your ex is in a rebound relationship?
Allow this video to explain;
There are two main characteristics to look out for to see if your ex is serious with his new partner or not:
1. How quickly did they move on from you?
Typically speaking, the faster they’re on to the next person, the more likely that it’s a rebound relationship.
2. How long they’ve been with that person
Now, this is where it gets tricky because technically, your ex could be in a relationship for six months, and it could still be a “rebound” relationship.
This is why I find that 8 months is that sweet spot.
By the 8 month mark, it’s highly likely that the relationship has developed into something deeper even if it started as a rebound.
When you spend THAT much time with someone, you’ve shared a lot with them, and it’s only natural to form deeper connections from that point on.
So yeah, if your ex has been with someone for more than eight months, it’s time for you to move on.
Pattern # 3: You’ve been on a “hard block” for longer than 3 months
Not many people realize this, but there are two ways you could be blocked by your ex- the hard block and the soft block.
What’s the difference between a hard block and a soft block?
The Hard Block
Well, the hard block is exactly what it sounds like. It’s hard and foolproof, meaning there is NO way for you to reach out to your ex without running into that wall of being blocked. So, you’ve probably been blocked on their phone and every other social media imaginable.
The Soft Block
A soft block, on the other hand, is different. This involves blocking the main way you used to communicate but still keeping all or most other avenues of communication open. So, if you used to text a lot, your ex might have blocked you there, but you can still send them Instagram DMs.
Now that you know the difference between the two ask yourself if you have been hard blocked for more than three months. If yes, then it might be time to move on.
Why three months, though? Well, that seems to be the magic number as per most of our client’s experiences.
But there’s one thing you have to realize about human behavior when someone blocks you – there’s a ping pong effect.
When someone blocks you, they might end up getting envious or curious to know what’s happening in your life, so they end up unblocking you again to keep an eye on your social media updates.
But SOME stubborn men just skip this ping pong effect and stay on the hard block possibly forever. So, about three months of a NO ping pong hard block is when you should really close that chapter and move on.
Pattern #4: You have broken the no contact rule more than 8 times.
80% of our clients who try the no contact rule end up breaking it, but what does that mean?
That means if you decided to do a 30 day no contact period with your ex, you could not make it that whole time without reaching out to your ex or responding to them when they reach out to you.
It’s REALLY important to get through the no contact rule unscathed because if you give in on day 14, for example, you will have to start all over again!
Here’s something people don’t fully realize – every time you redo a no contact period, it becomes less effective.
Think of it like watching a movie and how the first time is always when your emotions are the most heightened. But as you keep rewatching it, you can still experience the same feelings, but their intensity will be much lesser.
So, why am I saying that breaking the no contact 8 times means you should give up?
Well, we find that it’s pretty common for our clients to break it a couple of times and still see success at the end. Our most recent success story actually broke the rule three times and still ended up getting their ex back.
But there has to be a limit to everything…including the effectiveness of the no contact rule.
That limit is 8. In fact, even getting to that 8 mark is extremely excessive, in my opinion, and the closer you get to 8, the higher chances of annoying your ex and pushing him away for good.
Situation #5: You get pity responses in more than 10 conversations in a row.
What exactly are pity responses?
I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you’re talking to a man who you’re not really into, but you feel sorry for them, so you just keep the conversation going.
There are two defining characteristics of a pity response:
1. The depth of the response isn’t great.
This could happen when the conversation isn’t really interesting, or you’re just trying to end the conversation very quickly.
2. How long the words you’re using are.
For example, if you and your ex are talking and you’re putting a lot of thought into your messages but all you get back are one word responses like “thanks” or “yeah” or the worst of them all… “okay”. Something short and without any depth like that would definitely be your hint that they’re giving you pity responses and are not really into the conversation.
Your gut feeling plays a HUGE role in this because no one knows your ex like you do. Their short responses could signal shyness or fear instead of a lack of interest. That’s for you to judge.
But if you’re looking carefully and see these pity responses in ten straight conversations, it’s probably not the time to try to get your ex back yet.
Let’s do a quick recap of the 5 situations to look out for to tell when it’s time to give up trying to get your ex back:
- Your ex has not responded to your last five attempts to start a conversation
- They’ve been with someone new for longer than 8 months
- You’ve been on a “hard block” for longer than 3 months
- You have broken the no contact rule more than 8 times
- You get pity responses in more than 10 conversations in a row
Now that you know the 5 exact situations when it’s time to give up trying to get an ex back, I wish you the best of luck for your ex-boyfriend recovery process. But always remember, if any of these 5 things happen, he’s probably not interested anymore and it’s time to put yourself first!