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736 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Simba

    March 16, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    In some of these cases adding things like a hint of jealousy seems to be working in some women’s favours to remind him of the things he can’t have, what would your advice be to remind him that you still excist in thes ways if the relationship is long distance and you want him not to forget that you excist so there is a higher chance he will break the NC rule before you do, that way you can implement it further by being short, to the point and business orientated.

    When the NC rule is over should you contact him first or still wait for him to contact you? When the NC is over how to you make it clear that this contact is diffrent from the ones where you were only being to the point. I.e. Stuff back/ kids/ etc.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 18, 2015 at 8:30 pm

      I think jealousy can be super effective if it is used properly!

      Also, are you a lion king fan?

      I am not a fan of waiting around for him to contact you. I like women who take charge but the imprtant thing is that you end the conversation first if you do end up talking to him.

  2. Avatar

    megan

    March 13, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    What am I supposed to do if my bf is really immature and is too inexperienced to have a serious relationship?? He just prefers hanging out with his friends all the time..

    1. admin

      admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      Weigh your options and determine if he is a fit for a long term relationship with you.

  3. Avatar

    Kelsey

    March 12, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    Hey I cheated on my ex with a guy I work with. I also live with my ex and we shared everything and have animals that our like our kids. It’s been a week today and it hasn’t been good still living here. He has also cheated on me quite a few times in the past and I forgave him but this time was my fault. I regret it but I don’t know how to prove that to him. We have kept in contact.. Texting from the other room etc. I’m going to try the living with an ex no contact rule but I was wondering if there was anything else I could try?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:16 pm

      Why did you cheat?

      What was the reasoning behind it?

    2. Avatar

      Kelsey

      March 12, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      I’ve also been with him for 6 years.

  4. Avatar

    Ash

    March 9, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    HELP!
    I’m fairly confident, something like the NC rule would work for my husband and I, based on the fact that he continues to say we won’t be getting back together unless we have some time apart – currently we live together (in seperate bedrooms) because i am a full time student and can’t afford to live on my own PLUS we share a 2 year old! cherry on the top is… NO ONE KNOWS we are are technically separated i guess, its hard to describe we are essentially still together BUT just not affectionate, no hugging, no kissing, no nickname calling, no in depth conversations… I’m buried in study and our baby, and he is buried in our small businesses BUT the KICKER is because no one knows we still act like we are still a-okay in front of everyone, still continue to attend family and friends events together etc. and make holiday plans as a family… BUT I WANT MORE! I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK! i essentially need to separate without moving out of the family home! – marriage counselor didn’t work because he doesn’t REALLY have the time or the energy to work on falling back in love with me (his words, i know, harsh)I NEED to show him what he is throwing away… i have slight (OKAY extreame) issues containing my emotions and when he does things that we wouldn’t have done prior to the separation, i let my emotions flow, and get angry or sad and SHOW it TOO MUCH!

    ANYWAY… PLEASE HELP ME!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      That is harsh…

      Like if you are willing to work on the marriage and he isn’t then that says alot about him.

      How bad are we talking here on the containing of emotions?

    2. Avatar

      Ash

      March 17, 2015 at 11:18 am

      yes, he is the first to admit he is extremely selfish, and is more worried about his work then anything else… its such a hard situation to explain.. but i think before i loose myself i need to do something!

      oh I’m horrible – only around me though! so i basically just get grumpy and then he asks whats wrong – i say nothing so on and so on! then when I’m alone i cry myself to sleep its f***ed!

      we don’t have screaming matches and argue, we just “talk it out” and its basically him telling me when he hates about our relationship and me crying and apologizing! – any normal person would give up and move on, but when we were good we were amazing!

      another kicker – i still cook clean and play happy housewife , because he financially supports me, he doesn’t work a normal hour job so barely helps with the baby ergo i can’t go back to work and study! so NC is almost impossible.
      what are your thoughts on just going to my room every night after dinner instead of doing work on the couch next to him.. stop texting him unless it is about a joint function or event or obviously about our beautiful little girl!
      i just know the moment i seem like i’m not talking to him he will assume i’m grumpy at him and hound until i spill… SEE, I NEED HELP!

    3. Avatar

      Ashleigh

      March 19, 2015 at 9:18 am

      Any advice? – desperate

  5. Avatar

    Luci

    March 8, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Hello, my bf broke up with me After 3 years. Since, we have talked occasionally and met for dinner. We still had a connection and he said his feelings for me haven’t changed, but that he doesn’t know what it is that he needs and or wants in life rifjt now. Our families are extremely close and I think he felt pressured into committing himself to the next step of our relationship (we would talk about getting married). It’s been two and a half months since we’ve broken up. Should i implement the no contact rule now and is there much hope?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 3:32 pm

      Yes you should absolutely implement the no contact rule.

  6. Avatar

    Nadia

    March 7, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    I broke up with my ex for getting drunk with his friends instead of helping me move. Well actually for not apologizing the next day. He told me he doesn’t have time to make me happy and the relationship was not important to him. He also said I forced him to put he was in a relationship with me on fb. He also said he treats me ugly and all I ever do is scold him and that I should do something about it. So I put my relationship to single on his fb. He practically forced me with his words. He blocked me from all social media and is now trying to message my friend online. If he didn’t care, why would he block me then try to piss me off by making my friend his wcw and private messaging her? I’m on NC day 15. Do I have a chance?!?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      You have 15 days left and then do you have a text planned for after the NC?

  7. Avatar

    chathu

    March 7, 2015 at 4:26 am

    Hey
    He broke up with me 2 month ago.I lied to him a lot.but I never had a affair when I m with him.should I start nc now..or should I talk to him.he said if u want to wait for me then wait but there is no guarantee that he is coming back.he is now very negative about love.I lied him coz I need his attention.he thinks that I m gonna start a affair with anyone.please help me.plz chris

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Definitely start it now.

    2. Avatar

      chathu

      March 8, 2015 at 3:24 pm

      But what I’m too late for that I mean it is been 2 months he broke up with me after that he switched off his phone for weeks.now its on.do you think i should start nc.what if he start a affair with someone else during nc.may b he feel alone and talk with someone else to pass the time instead of me.
      Plz plz plz Chris i need answers for these questions.

    3. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      How can it be an affair if you two are broken up?

      And so what?

      You are working to become more attractive than any girl he could possibly date.

    4. Avatar

      chathu

      March 7, 2015 at 11:31 am

      Plz give me a advice chris

  8. Avatar

    Sarah

    March 5, 2015 at 2:23 am

    So After 4 months of sleeping together once a week after we broke up (been together 3 years), I started the no contact cuz I was done with this behaviour. It was only 12 days later and he started texting me, not 7 texts in a row, so I egnored him! On the 14th day/tuesday he sent a text asking to exchange our stuff that day after work, and listening to you I was like ok now I have to respond just business. So I did, said I “not today, Thursday”. He said ok and asked how I was doing , to me responding vaguely. Now, as soon as I get home I frt a knock at the door and it was him! He said he was in the area and wanted to take me to dinner, turned into I miss you and haven’t heard from u in 12days. We went out for dinner, I said no more BS tell me what you want or leave me alone, there’s the door and don’t come back! bcuz I am moving on and don’t need anymore confusion. he said he misses me, but dosent want to get emotionally attached, but dosent want to loose me, and doesn’t want me out of his life, will be exclusive with me, and will erase his dating profiles. Crap!!! I got caught talking about the relationship! 2 weeks was not long enough.
    Do I now start over wth 30days?? Chris, I do want him back, but With him being uncertain makes me wanna say “take ur time when u figure it out hopefully I’m still single.” This is the 3rd time this guy has broken up with me, this time weeks before we were to move in together and next year get married!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      Seems like he wants you back to me though..

      Seems like you had him back.

    2. Avatar

      Sarah

      March 8, 2015 at 3:05 am

      is it normal that he dosent message me everyday then? and I feel like he is playing safe around. He’s not chasing me?

    3. admin

      admin

      March 8, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      Yes its normal.

      Sometimes women don’t have realistic expectations about this.

    4. Avatar

      Sarah

      March 9, 2015 at 7:01 pm

      I told him lastnight that I couldn’t have sex with him anymore outside a relationship,that I can’t seperate emotions from sex. It started a whole conversation and basically told me he was using me for sex and felt bad about it. And that he xontacts me to keep tabs on me. That he misses me a bit but not enough and when is with me realizes that. He said he wants to date other girls and didn’t not erase his profile. I May have had a chance staying around as a friend but I couldn’t stand knowing he’s trying to date and just loving his single life. He mentioned the whole grass is greener on the other.. I got the whole package , except I don’t make him work for it. That’s my fault. I was too easy to catch. I’ll keep u posted if anythjng else happens. Otherwise I need to move on for my own sanity.

    5. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      So, essentially he said everything that I said a man will think in my FWB podcast.

    6. Avatar

      Sarah

      March 24, 2015 at 6:50 pm

      We haven’t spoken in 15days. I usually would of heard from him by now. Seriously, he always checks up on me after 12-15days? I hope I didn’t scare him off with the pregnancy/miscarriage thing?

    7. Avatar

      Sarah

      April 5, 2015 at 5:20 pm

      Chris,
      I hope I hear from you soon!

      I just hit my 30days! And I’m terrified of texting him. He is usually the one to break and contacts me after two weeks. What if that means he really doesn’t want to hear from me? As stated from above, last time we talked it was pretty dramatic. I’m hoping for a reset button, and that we can start talking as friends. Just looking for some encouragement, I feel like my situation is too dramatic and I should wait longer???

    8. Avatar

      Sarah

      April 8, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      Sorry Chris!

      He replied!!! But he turned the conversation sexual, and I was shocked and didn’t know what to do. What do I specifically say when he turns the conversation in that direction? He said the last month for him hasn’t been that great, and that he’s been bored. I don’t want to turn into a booty call again!

      I hope to hear from u soon!! Thank you!

    9. Avatar

      Sarah

      March 12, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      I have to tell u something important so u could possibly give me a better perspective. This last conversation which was 5 days ago, he told me he broke up with me bcuz I was clingy and needy and anything he said i would just cry over. Yes I remember for a month being emotionally unstable and crying over everything. We broke up at the beginning of November so it’s been almost 5 months (wow) and he said he checked out in October. We have talked every week tho, still having sex, he still sends me texts saying I was thinking about u, little heart texts and kissy faces etc!!!!
      I just thought again he is confused, bcuz we have broken up twice before. Anyways I finally told him a week after we broke up my girl friend rushed me to the hospital, I was in a lot of pain, and I guess I was having a miscarriage. I never knew I was pregnant. I was almost 8 weeks at the time, and it explains my crazy emotions!! I was alsoon adderal and OCD meds and the doctor told me no human could of handled being on all those meds and being pregnant. As soon as I told him, he finally became silent and still. He said that would make sense, and asked why I never told him. The truth, I said, because I know how negatively he feels about pregnancy and I didn’t want to push the breakup more, I was just horrified of telling him. He got mad and said again my way of thinkng is off for not telling him. I only told 2 ppl. I didnt even want to remember. He just sat there still and quite, so I walked over, kissed him sweet on the lips, said goodbye and left.
      One of my girl friends is his brothers gf, and said when she high to him yesterday he looked like he was in deep thought.

      Chris, I want ur opinion what he might be thinking? If telling him that makes a difference on how he views me or us. I’m wondering if that is going to all all change anything? I know u can’t say for certain, but typically what would a man be thinking? Explains the emotional instability?
      I’m working on myself, devoted to yoga and meditation daily. Revamping my apartment to look new and great. I’m making changes. Just afraid of how long it’s been and what he told me.

      I don’t want kids right now, we both aren’t ready. Tho I don’t believe in anortions it doesn’t matter , I didn’t have it. And I’m scared now he won’t want to have sex with me. I’m on birth control, he knows it. Just didn’t know u can get pregnant when ur on antibiotics.

    10. admin

      admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      You are going to have to stop having sex with him if he hasn’t committed to you. Listen to my FWB episode on why.

    11. Avatar

      Sarah

      March 5, 2015 at 2:25 am

      Just wanted to say it was him who said I miss you and asked me why I haven’t called.

  9. Avatar

    Ana

    March 4, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    Well i was with my now ex boyfriend 3 months, we broke up because he got bored in relationship, and after 3 weeks he got new girlfriend…is it posible for that to be a rebound? I did NC for 2 months now
    He used to told me that i have awesome sense of humor, that i am good looking, that he loves me, he was glad that we share same interests..did i set the bar high enough for him to come back?
    P.S I didn’t made any moves so far exept NC, we didn’t even see each other since the break up.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      Well, 2 months in NC is a bit long.

      I would say you should have reached out by now through texts (the proper text of course)

  10. Avatar

    marry

    March 4, 2015 at 11:22 am

    what if he is still a friend on facebook should i log in and not talk to him or i should not log in at all !!!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      If he is a Facebook friend you can log in and not talk to you him.

    2. Avatar

      marry

      March 7, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      okey seems good but what if i’m online and he came i egnored him then he says hi what do i do then if i didn’t respond would’nt that be rude cause he would think that i’m doing this on purpose !!

    3. admin

      admin

      March 8, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      Turn off your thing that shows that your online.

  11. Avatar

    lisa

    March 4, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Ops! Now I see that he said, “love is not enough”. My bad, sorry : ) Maybe there is a chance for them, after all. Still it is bit presumptions of you to say that you think it will work out fine.
    Any way thanks for your time and sharing. I have enjoyed the reading, although I’m not trying to get any boyfriend back at this point of time : )

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      you might want to check out the how to get over him article if you are intent on moving on.

  12. Avatar

    aishwarya

    March 3, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Hey chris…
    I have been visiting your website… you are amazing.
    My bf broke up with me about 8 days ago…
    I don’t have a microphone, nor do i have an account on google+ so i wont be able to leave you a voicemail…
    but i really want to get in touch with you… can you suggest something more easier?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 3, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Why thank you!

      Why don’t you just leave your situation here in the comments then?

    2. Avatar

      A

      March 4, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      my you are fast…

      it’s just that… i’m not very comfortable putting it out in public, i mean, i don’t want to be rude, but i just feel a little shy.

  13. Avatar

    Katherine

    March 3, 2015 at 12:07 am

    It’s been 3 weeks since the break up. I could almost sense it coming on. We’ve been together for 8 years and around Christmas a lot of people were pressuring us to get married. This was something I really wanted, he wanted it too but felt he wasn’t ready. I respected that he wasn’t ready but also I would shut down and get upset when people would make comments to us and he would act aloof. We didn’t communicate very well about how we felt about all the pressure. When he broke up with me he used a lot of different excuses that didn’t sound like him. I realize that something had to happen because we were at a stand still and things weren’t growing. Before he even broke up with me I kept thinking I should distance myself to get the ball rolling, and because I realize I have a tendency to be clingy when he gets distant. We met up after 2 weeks to get coffee and talk. It was enjoyable and painful at the same time because we both agreed we are best friends and he worried he wasted my time. I only texted him once and that wound up being a long conversation about everyday things and it was a positive conversation, but I initated it. He has never texted me yet. Now I’ve been forcing myself to not text him and I worry if he will ever contact me. I realize the relationship had to change and am willing to reset. Is it too late or is he just completely over it because he hasn’t contacted me?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 3, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      I think he crumbled under the pressure.

      Marriage can make some guys freak out.

      I doubt he is completely over it.

      Ideally in this situation I recommend the NC rule so if you keep doing that you may find your chances of having him contact you are higher.

  14. Avatar

    Marry

    March 2, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Why do we ex girlfriends get so scared when ex goes into rebound even when we know that it’s a rebound? You know he broke up with me saying he doesn’t have time for relationship because of his job, and after a month he got a new girl. What i realised is that new girl is more interested in him than he is in her, what if she wakes up feeling in him, i’m so afraid..btw i’m in NC for almost 2 months because i don’t want do become their common enemy. What do you think it’s going on? do i even have a chance anymore?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 2, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      Its probably because your frightened it could turn into something more… permanent.

    2. Avatar

      Ana

      March 3, 2015 at 9:45 am

      I did’t understand, can you tell me what do you mean by that?

    3. admin

      admin

      March 3, 2015 at 10:04 pm

      What do you mean Ana?

    4. Avatar

      Ana

      March 3, 2015 at 9:45 am

      I’m in the same situation

  15. Avatar

    mia

    March 2, 2015 at 3:49 am

    hi chris! My ex broke up with me bec he said he does not love me anymore and his work is his priority now since he’s just too busy for a rel and a lot of people are depending on him for his job. so we broke up on good terms. The problem is that we were in a long distance relationship. I am now in day 8 of the no contact rule. I also unfollowed him on fb (he still likes my posts) I still love him but he’s too busy and with his work, even if he wants me back, he does not have the time for me.. I am following religiously your instructions on being the ungettable girl. But does it all matter if he’s too busy to even notice?

    He is an honest person. He told me point black that he was not attracted to me anymore, our rel was a hassle for his work and he wants to settle down with someone near him so that it would be more convenient. (he’s 29)

    1. admin

      admin

      March 2, 2015 at 9:40 pm

      Well, if you two were to get back together this is something I would have a talk with him about.

    2. Avatar

      mfy

      March 3, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      what do u mean? like i will wait for the 30 days till i talk to him?

  16. Avatar

    Sally

    March 1, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    What if your ex never initiates a text conversation? I did NC for a month then for the last 6 weeks I’ve been starting text conversations approximately once a week and I’m getting increasingly positive, engaged responses (flirty on one occasion). Should I worry though that I am always the one to initiate the conversation? He never texts me unless I’ve texted him first.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 2, 2015 at 9:23 pm

      No big deal.

      All that matters imo is that he is responding positively and is engaged in the conversation.

    2. Avatar

      katherine taylor

      March 3, 2015 at 1:33 am

      same worry too because my boyfriend is not really the type to reach out. and he often bounces the ball back: if i am cold, he goes cold too.

    3. admin

      admin

      March 3, 2015 at 9:48 pm

      Then the solution is simple… when you message him be warm in your message…

      Haha horrible analogy but you get what I am saying, right?

  17. Avatar

    Pororo

    March 1, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    I and my ex broken up for 2 months. I have tried some short period of NC for just 5-7 days. They lasted short time like that because I didn’t want to have a chance to meet him. We were in a ling distance relationship so as soon as he come home, I wanted to meet him to show him my appearance changes. I kept a hope to get him back as soon as I can but I fail. After these meeting, he just said that he still has feeling for me but it isn’t enough to love. He isn’t ready and he wanted to have more time.
    Now, I am trying to do NC for 30 days seriously. I always wonder will it be effective when my ex has other girl on his mind now but she hasn’t accept yet? Is it too late for me to do NC?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 2, 2015 at 9:19 pm

      No its not too late.

      In fact, I think it would work out fine for you.

    2. Avatar

      lisa

      March 4, 2015 at 11:15 am

      I don’t understand on what bases you are forming your opinion that here situation will work out fine!? On the fact that he said he doesn’t love here enough? It is ok that you do not have time to give a proper response, but to give very possibly falls hope to someone who is looking for your advice is downright wrong!

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