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741 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Nomsa

    August 1, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Hi Chris.

    I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago and we’ve been talking regularly, can I still try the NC rule?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 8, 2015 at 8:14 pm

      Are you in the friendzone? What are your conversations like?

  2. T

    July 27, 2015 at 1:44 am

    July 3 i got in a really bad confrontation with a guy I have been seeing for a while now. I left him a note while he was at work and caught him in a lie as I was leaving the note. He was beyond angry, he told me never to contact him again, don’t call,txt email or come to his work and to act like I don’t know him. He said he was deleting my number and have a nice life. The last few months he had been ignoring my txt messages but we still saw each other. Then he began to completely ghost me and I didn’t want to take my mind there until I caught him in a lie. I sent him one last txt the same day, I have not contacted him since that day ( July 3rd) . I found ex boyfriend recovery a week later and started to get the Sarah vs Kia emails. I have since purchased the twice as attractive guide ( the UG GIRL) and have really been soaking in the readings as much as possible. I have had no contact with him since the day after the incident so I have continued the no contact rule per lesson #10 (July 16th) . I am looking to purchase the ex boyfriend recovery full guide. I believe his reaction was the result of him being caught in a lie. I determined that this is a general/cheating break up and that he is EXTREMELY STUBBORN and ANGRY. What is the likely hood I will recover this relationship. I have been doing a lot of self reflection lately. I do love him more than anything. FYI I don’t think I could have remained sane if I had not come a crossed your site. SERIOUSLY thank you for this info.

  3. Sarah

    July 9, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Chris

    During the no contact rule should I shorten it if one of the big problems in our relationship was him not thinking I loved him? He thought that I didn’t care about him as much as he did for me (even though I did). Basically that I didn’t put effort into the relationship “like he did”. None of this is true but hes the type that its hard to convince him otherwise once he has his mind made. I want to eventually be able to show him that I still do care just as much. Should I text early or wait the 30 days still? Im getting scared that he is going to hate me.

    Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 16, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      I’d still wait the 30 days.

  4. sweetie

    July 3, 2015 at 11:40 am

    hello chris..
    I was in ldr with my bf since 4yrs 6months before we decided to marry but his parents didnt agreed but we still continued our relationship but he name our relation as a friend ship on other hand he says he loves me too he have mixed feelings for me..any how …we communicated by phone calls, video calls and texts and all thing were done which are use to be in ldr…10 days before he lied me that he was attempting his examinations but I caught him on fb disscussing with his cousine that they going to hang out with some girls…it hurted me the way he lied because I loved him lot and I never accepted this from him.. I appled nc rule on him 2nd day he texted me that he was sorry..7th day he wrote a full paragraph apologizing me for all he had done but I didnt replied him I disconnected all the ways of communication..today he called twice on my moms phone and said he wants to talk once but I didnt respond to him…what should I do now plz advise me should I response him or not…or I should continue the nc rule…plz reply I am waiting

  5. Ags

    June 16, 2015 at 2:57 am

    Hi Chris!
    I went through a break up about three weeks ago and at first I did all the don’t dos of texting and calling constantly until I finally stopped. I started no contact about ten days ago with a day of break in between where I text to say “happy birthday” and got a simple “thank you” back (I shouldn’t have but I would have kicked myself if I hadn’t) and on the eleventh day I got a text saying he wanted to see me about sorting out the stuff we had together at the flat we shared together. Obviously this was the only time I could officially break no contact because I thought he possibly wanted some more of his stuff back like furniture etc after he had moved outso I went to meet him for a drink. I text back short and to the point messages back and to my surprise he admitted that it wasn’t the reason he had asked me to meet him. He said he just wanted to see me again and it was great. We spoke a bit but not too much about what had gone wrong but mostly about what we had been up to etc. Then he said he wanted to meet me again for another drink soon. Your guide is very thorough and fool proof and absolutely priceless! Thank you!

  6. Ags

    June 11, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Me and my ex broke up recently after being together for 3 years and and to begin with I was begging him and trying everything I could possible to try and make things right. We have never had an argument so drastic to the point of breaking up before and he was the one who ended it because he said he couldn’t take anymore. The details are a bit complicated but the argument was caused because he dropped a bombshell on me and I reacted to it. Since then it’s always been my fault and I can’t stop blaming myself for it even though he was the one who instigated the argument. He said to give him space to begin with and when I did two days later he turned around and said he had made up his mind and he wasn’t going to change it. He won’t give me a second chance no matter what I tried. I’m in day two of no contact I had to start again yesterday after 6 days of NC because I text him to say happy birthday (I know!). He’s the kind of person I feel that if he’s left to it he will just get on with his life like out of sight out of mind… Will the NC rule apply to him in his case?

    1. Ags

      June 11, 2015 at 8:59 am

      I must state my reaction was only a verbal one not a physical one and the break up was very emotional. He never cries and he did

  7. Alex

    June 8, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Hey, My boyfriend broke up with me just a few days back, but since I was in quite a denial today is only my first day of the NC.
    He told me he didnt think we were compatible enough 🙁
    Anyway, my concern is, that he can be protective of me and tends to go a bit unstable (or just super worried, I guess) if he doesnt get responses from me after a bad event.
    Or at least he used to when we were dating.
    I wonder what to do if this happens when I avoid contact with him. Should I send a calming message saying I am alive or let him freak out. I dont want him to hate me, in the end.

  8. Kate

    June 2, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    I am on day 5 of NC. Our relationship of 8 months ended about 3 months ago and had seen each other to talk 3 times in that three months which kept going around in circles with no solution or getting back together. I had never done no contact in these past 3 months. i have always been the one to say I’m sorry and initiate talking. We broke up over a stupid fight, but we had lots of fights over me wanting to spend more time together. Last week we had a big blow out about the circles and and he told me it was over and to move on, I haven’t contacted him at all since (which is a first for me). Today he sent a message that said, I’m sorry. This isn’t easy for me either. Hope you are doing ok. I desperately want to respond…. but I shouldn’t or should I? Do you think he’s regretting his decision?

  9. JN

    June 2, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    During NC, what do you do when your ex texts you constantly (like every other day) to have the child call them?
    Normally it’s only once a month he asks this. This only ever happens when I enforce NC. It’s annoying and he sends nasty messages that I am keeping her from him. The truth is that he only takes her 4 days a month and feels that’s enough.
    I always let our daughter call or FaceTime her dad the second she wants to — literally.

    How should I handle these texts from him, when I know it’s just his way to try and gain some control?

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 2, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      You are allowed to contact him about the kids but it has to be about that.

      Maybe no response but you just let your child call him.

  10. Ajag

    May 27, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    my boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. I read about the NC rule on your website and i wanted to try it. He has called me so many times today but i did not answer. He even sent me a text. He then tried calling my mum and she brought me the phone to talk to talk to him because she didn’t know what was going on. I have asked him not to call or text me again and he thinks i am punishing him by doing that. What do u think and should i go on with the NC?

  11. Cory

    May 25, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Heres my problem: My bf and I were together for 5 years. We had some various issue from him getting angry and running and me chasing to me having some trust issues. Anyway, over a comment he made on face book (He flirted) we got into a heavy fight and he broke up with me. When I met him he was very calm and told me we were done. That I pushed him to far. Well I ended up begging and telling him I would change anything, but it didn’t work. We were still done. So the following 3 days he moves out of our apartment, and I find out through a friend that hes looking on site to hook up. I wrote him a few notes, 1 telling him about our various issues on both sides and 2 that they were fixable. He was still not interested. and then I wrote him a more stern letter telling him that the faults in our relationship involved 2 people, not just me. Anyway I waited 2 more days, during which I tried to stay busy and went out with some friends. Well going on day 6 of our break up I broke and texted him. We had a ritual every sunday that we did, and I told him that he was missed. He wrote back telling me he was sorry for hurting me and hoped I was doing ok. I in turn wrote back telling him that he didn’t hurt me that we hurt each other and that sometimes it takes something big like this to make people realize their mistakes. During this conversation we both accepted each others apologies and ended it with, “hope you have a good day”. SO my question is, where do I go next? Our first text conversation went pretty smoothly I think.

  12. Aavya

    May 20, 2015 at 1:50 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I read all of the material you have written. Makes sense. However, I cannot really seem to get through my situation.
    I had a relationship that lasted 3 4 weeks (a year back). But it was an amazing one. My no contact period stretched to some 8 9 months after which I contacted him on FB. he did not seem much interested but was courteous enough to reply nicely. We had small conversations twice or thrice, all initiated by me. After that we again had no contact for almost 2 months. Following that, he sent me a text and we had a chat where he expressed how he was wrong to not have continued with me. Also, that was all said when he was drunk. We have been talking since then. However, I have to start a conversation most of the time and he is the one to end it or just stop replying. I really want him to take that initiative as I feel i might be coming across as too desperate.
    Can you please guide what the next step should be?
    Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 20, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      I think priority number one is that you need to be ending conversations first.

  13. Bean

    May 18, 2015 at 6:02 pm

    Chris met a guy on match – we have tons in common & hit it off great. Unfort we slept together right away & even tho our dates were great he freaked out and asked to slow down & date others as well. I said thanks but i deserve better – i said i didnt want to get serious right away but also did not want to be treated as an option so i ended it & said i didnt want to be just friends either. I should mention that he told me about a girl he dated that he was not physically attracted to & was just friends with but she kept wanting more) i said i am not that girl – i wont just be friends & wait around for him. I really liked him & wish we could get a restart cuz i think he really liked me. Btw his ex cheated he said he was damaged goods & should only date casually….

    Here is my question – I was a week into NC and saw him back on Match – i saw he viewed my profile so i broke down & emailed him thru website – “surprised to see you come up as a match, lol – shouldnt u update yr profile to say – only seeking casual dating? ;)”

    So did i screw up? I guess i need to restart the NC PERIOD?

    Please reply!

  14. Olivia

    April 27, 2015 at 10:32 pm

    I will be done and have completed the NC rule at the end of this month. My ex has left me anonymous messages on tumblr during NC and has only texted me once saying ” I hope everything going good for you” and after I didn’t reply he sent me another anonymous message days later (last night) saying “I’m still so sorry for everything. I really did love you with all my heart, I still miss you when I’m alone and you really made me the happiest I could have ever been. I promise I’ll get out of your life and out of your way. I wish you nothing but happiness in the rest of your adventures. Goodbye….” Then deleted me off of almost every social media. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!?? Do you think this Is just him trying to get me to talk to him or do you think he’s serious?? I don’t want to lose him. I hope that doing the NC was a good idea. I know you have thousands of people asking for advice and I would have used the voice question thing but my voice is gone from being sick. So I hope you’ll reply to this!

  15. Jane

    April 25, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Hi Chris, my boyfriend and I are long distance relationship for two years. He broke up with me three months ago, I begged and even fly to his country to see him last month. He was so calm and cool when we meet up.i can feel that he doesn’t want to see me. The last text I sent him was 25 days ago, Is the NC rule still works for me now?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      Yes it can still work..

      Have you talked at all during those 25 days though?

  16. Ang

    April 20, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    My ex broke up with me about three weeks ago and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he wasn’t good enough for me . I have been depressed he hasn’t contacted me at all I have tried and will either get ignored or one word response . He says he is going through a lot right now and I really think he doesn’t want me back . Should I just get over it ?

  17. Syd Bristol

    April 20, 2015 at 3:34 am

    I’m on day 14 of the no contact rule. There’s a very special event that happens to be going on day 30, one that both of us were going to go to, together. I think he’s planning on going to it with his long distance new girlfriend, and my question is, is there any way to stop this? If I wait till day 30 he’ll most certainly be with her, but if I break the n/c what would I even say? I’m hoping deep down he’d want to go with me or at least it would make him rethink what he’s doing. Or will letting him go and texting him after the event make him think of me more?

  18. Carla

    April 19, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    Hi Chris,
    my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. We first tried to stay friends but he gave me mixed signals and I got my hopes up again. So I decided to do no contact. But now I feel bad and immature for behaving like this and ignoring his texts. We sometimes see each other at work and there is this awkwardness now, trying to avoid each other. I’m usually an easy-going person and this behaviour is not in my nature. Since I started no contact I feel down a lot, and don’t want to leave the house. Isn’t no contact supposed to help me get stronger and better?!

  19. milca

    April 9, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Hi Chris, I’m Mile from Philippines. Me and my ex bf broke up 5yrs ago year 2010 and remained living together because we had a son but I moved out year 2013 when I can no longer hold on to. I now live with my parents with my son. During those times we still have intimate relationship, ofcourse. So were like friends with benefits. Right Now, I want to ask if its still possible for us to be together, as in together as family. And to inform you, he already have a gf, 4yrs now. While we were still together he already have the relationship with her, one reason why I moved out. Right now we keep seeing each other, and sometimes having intimate relationship. HELP! Advice me. Thank you. God bless

  20. Jo

    March 28, 2015 at 12:12 am

    My boyfriend broke up about a month and a half now. He tried to talk to me here and there after we broke up and even told me he wanted to stay in my life. But on the day I got all my stuff from his place 3 weeks after we broke up, I ignored the text he sent me and was very brief with him. For some reason, I get this feeling he was upset at me bc he left the house that day while I was still packing my stuff. He has not tried to contact me since then. We have similar circle of friends and saw him around recently this past week. I can tell he is avoiding me and I was actively avoiding him too. Can you clarify if I’m suppose to go up to my ex during NC and at least say hi even if he is not coming up to me? Or should I continue avoiding him if he is avoiding me too? I don’t want to seem like I’m being mean or I’m alienating him

    1. admin

      March 29, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      No, don’t initiate unless he does.

    2. Jo

      March 29, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Okay good. That’s exactly what I did. Thanks Chris!

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