There aren’t a lot of articles out there that really talk about when it’s time to let go of an ex.
The first thing that typically pops into my head when encountered with this scenario are external reasons.
But I often find that’s a dangerous line of thinking to engage in because I often find it’s the internal reasons that can be more dangerous than anything.
Today I’m going to be listing off seven signs that will help you know if you should let go of your ex.
How To Know When It’s Time To Let Go Of Your Ex
Letting go of an ex for a lot of people is a big step.
In fact, a lot of my one on one coaching clients are terrified of doing this because they think by doing so they are ruining their chances of getting their ex back completely. What if I were to tell you that the opposite is probably true.
That the more you want to get your ex back the less likely you are to.
Sounds strange, right?
The fact of the matter is that if you find yourself wanting your ex too much you are liable to act a bit crazier.
Sometimes it can be a good thing to let go.
Keep that in mind as I run through my list of seven ways to know it’s time to let go,
- You Are In An On Again Off Again Relationship And Nothing Ever Changes
- Every Text Attempt Is Ignored
- There Is Strong Evidence That They Won’t Commit Ever
- If They Are Only In The Relationship For The Sex With You
- Your Relationship Was Physically Or Emotionally Abusive
- No Matter What You Get Into A Fight And It Bleeds Over Publicly
- There Is Stalking Involved (Physically Or Electronically)
Let’s look at this reasons.
#1: You Are In An On Again Off Again Relationship And Nothing Ever Changes
Initially this may seem like a strange reason to cite but I want to tell you a secret that I don’t really ever talk about on the site.
When people ask me what the easiest situation to get your ex back is I often cite on again, off again relationships
The problem with them don’t lie in the actual “getting back” of an ex but rather in prevention of another breakup.
Imagine a wheel for a moment.
As it turns it flips between being on and off.
That’s the problem with on again, off again relationships.
Nothing ever changes.
The wheel simply keeps turning
So, how do you know it’s time to let go of a relationship like this.
Consider the original reason the two of you broke up.
By the third or fourth turn of the wheel is that reason still a reason that the two of you have broken up?
If it is then that’s typically a good sign that it’s time to move on.
#2: Every Text Attempt By You Is Ignored
In the end relationships are all about communication.
Now, I know some of you may read my best selling book and call my a hypocrite when you stumble across my teaching on the no contact rule.
However, even that is all about communication.
For me a nightmare scenario to be in is one where you do everything right and you still can’t get your ex to respond to your text messages.
Usually when I work with people I’ll go to great lengths to construct these amazing text messages.
Something like this typically,
Quick side note: I’m a huge fan of creating a lot of curiosity in text messages. My theory is that exes tend to be resistant to responding to you in general so you need to do everything you can to make every text you send interesting.
The problem here is that you can come up with the very best text messages but if your ex isn’t cooperating and doesn’t respond then it’s all for naught.
If you’ve reached out to your ex three to five times with great text messages and haven’t gotten a response.
It might be time to let go.
#3 There Is Strong Evidence That They Won’t Commit To You… Ever
This is the antithesis of the on again, off again relationship.
Where that relationship is all about overcommitting this sign is all about under committing.
Have you ever dated that person that seems resistant to committing but they also do or say something that doesn’t rule out the idea completely?
In fact, How I Met Your Mother (the tv show) did an episode on this exact concept a few years ago.
However, instead of “failing to commit” they called it,
Being on the hook
Essentially it’s where someone mutters this phrase to you,
I can’t be with you… right now
Which ultimately really means that they don’t want to be with you but they like the attention you give them so much they are willing to give you false hope.
You are “on the hook” for this person.
I can’t tell you how many men and women I’ve seen that are in this exact scenario but are completely blind to it.
#4: They Are Only In A Relationship With You For The Sex
A few months ago I was working with a client who was trying to get their ex back.
However, it seemed that all the advice I recommended, while good, seemed to fail.
It was a little baffling to me.
So, on a call with them I decided to re-evaluate their situation to see if I was missing anything.
Now, here’s the interesting thing about human beings. We tend to overlook significant things that we deem insignificant. After probing a bit I learned that almost every time this persons ex reached out there was some type of sexual connotation to the message.
Pretty soon I realized that pretty much the only reason that this persons ex was with them was for sex.
So, I decided to give my client a test.
I asked them to not engage in any kind of flirting or sexual innuendo with their ex and see what happens.
Predictably the ex grew very upset when they didn’t get their way and threw a tantrum.
People like this tend to be awful in relationships because while sex is an important part of any relationship it’s a little like building the relationship on quicksand.
If that’s all that you can bring to the table it’s going to get boring very fast.
#5: Your Relationship Was Physically Or Emotionally Abusive
Out of all the reasons this is our most common sense one.
To most of us this looks like common sense but you’d be surprised at how many people fail to see it that way.
They are often so desperate that they overlook serious things like physical or emotional abuse.
Either is unaccetable in my eyes
If you or your ex has ever abused or been abused it’s time to let go.
Plain and simple.
#6: The Two Of You Always Get Into A Fight Every Time You Talk
My first breakup ever was a lot like this.
Heck, I think a case can be made that my first relationship was a lot like this.
It seemed that every day I would get into a fight with my ex throughout our time together.
Some of it was my fault and some of it was hers but when I look back at it all of these years later I just chalk it up to two immature people being in their first real relationship.
The funny part is that when I think back on my time in that relationship I remember there was a point where I literally thought to myself,
This is ridiculous I am literally getting into a fight with her every single day
Strong relationships aren’t supposed to be this way.
Fights will happen, sure.
However, you shouldn’t get into a fight with the person during every conversation.
If this happens with your ex AND YOU’RE BROKEN UP.
It might be time to move on.
#7 There Is Stalking Involved (Physically Or Electronically)
For the record this is probably the rarest reason on this list.
I’ve been doing this for six and a half years and can literally count the situations like this on one hand.
They do happen however.
And just so we are on the same page I’m not just talking about you.
I’m also talking about your ex.
If stalking has ever been involved with you or your ex it’s time to high tail it out of there.