Most of the clients I work with want one thing above all,

They want to find a way to get their exes back.

So they try their hearts out.

But trying isn’t always enough. In fact, some of my clients will try so hard that they overstay their welcome and end up pushing their ex further away.

Today we are going to be looking at the scenarios for when it is too late to get back with your ex.

What do they look like?

How do you identify them?

What do you do if you do identify them?

Let’s begin!

What Has To Happen For An Ex To Give Up On You?

There are really four concepts I want to talk to you about today,

  1. The Triangle Theory
  2. You’ve Failed No Contact Too Many Times
  3. You’re Emotionally Unstable
  4. You’ve Trampled On One Of Your Exes Core Values

In my opinion, these are the scenarios where you are probably going to fail to get back with an ex. Now, some of you may be looking at this list and freaking out thinking that you are on it.

After all, what person is emotionally stable after a breakup?

Here’s what I have to say to that.

I’m talking about extremes here.

And while rules are always important to establish there are always exceptions to them.

So, technically speaking we can’t rule people who are in these scenarios out completely.

Just make sure you read each of these concepts in-depth before you go out and make assumptions about them.

Let’s dive in.

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Concept #1: The Triangle Theory

I’m always looking for new topics to do YouTube videos on.

You see, the trick is to not get too specific. You attract more views if you do videos about broader subjects. One thing I always see when hunting for good topics are videos on,

How to get an ex back if you are months apart.

How to get an ex back if you are years apart.

You get the idea.

Of course, I’ve compiled my own thoughts in my book about this topic but I always get curious to see what other people say and I never hear people talking about the triangle theory.

I don’t know if they are just too lazy to actually do the research or if they simply just want to disregard it’s existence but make no mistake it exists.

What Is The Triangle Theory

In short, the triangle theory refers to what your overall chances will look like with your ex after a breakup over time. It actually forms an interesting triangle if you chart it out,

Initially you’ll notice that your chances are pretty low but as time goes on and as you start doing the right things which is often overlooked you’ll notice that your chances inevitably will plateau.

In other words, if you are going to attempt to get your ex back ideally it’d be at this point,

But what happens if you don’t get your ex back at this point.

What happens if too much time goes by?

Well, inevitably your chances will become less and less.

There’s a reason why one of the most difficult situations you can find yourself in is one where you are trying to get your ex back after years apart.

Concept #2: You’ve Failed No Contact Too Many Times

I grouped concept one and two together because in my opinion they are very similar.

Where concept one is all about taking too much time to get your ex back. Concept two is about failing a strategy too many times.

A lot of people overlook small things like this.

Society has them conditioned to believe that it is ok to fail time and time again.

Lets take a strategy like the no contact rule.

One I have written about extensively.

Anyone who will have you believe that it’s ok to fail the no contact rule time and time again is dead wrong.

Here’s my reasoning,

Think of it like this.

Each time you attempt a strategy like the no contact rule and you break it, it’s probably going to lose a little bit of it’s power,

That visualization not working for you?

Ok, let’s pretend that you are playing someone in chess.

You use the same strategy every single time to beat them.

The first time you play you do end up beating them.

Heck, I’ll even give you the second game.

But once a pattern is established your opponent will wise up and start adapting.

Why would you think attempting and failing the no contact rule over and over again would be any different than this?

Concept #3: You Are Emotionally Unstable

Quick question, what happens when you do everything right to get your ex back but they can sense that you are emotionally unstable?

The Answer: They want nothing to do with you

When I was in college I met a girl.

I know that sounds like the vaguest opening so let’s try this on for size.

At that point it was probably the prettiest girl I had ever had the honor of taking on a date.

I don’t know if I had been lucky up until that point but any time I took a pretty girl on a date I always found that their internal personality matched their external looks,

This one was different though.

As I got to know her throughout the date she dropped a couple of bombshells.

  • Her parents had died a few years ago unexpectedly and she was heartbroken
  • Her sister was bisexual and was married to a man
  • She was smoked pot every day (which is a big turn off to me)

The date got even weirder as she started acting very strange.

In the end, I came to realize that she wasn’t emotionally stable and while she was very pretty it didn’t overcome how much of a turn off her behavior was to me.

Now, does that make me insensitive?

Totally and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

It’s easy to see what happened here.

Her parents unexpectedly being killed crushed her and a lot of the “unstableness” I was sensed was from that.

But I’m selfish when it comes to my dating choices.

So, I didn’t take her on any more dates.

Here’s my point.

The more unstable you appear to your ex the more likely they are to high tail it out of there.

Concept #4: You’ve Trampled On One Of Your Exes Core Values

Everyone has their proverbial line in the sand.

The point of no return.

Everyone has that one core value that they won’t substitute for anything.

For me, it’s cheating.

Essentially if someone cheats on me I have enough self awareness to understand I can’t forgive that.

Some people can.

Some people can’t.

It’s truly a personal preference.

What are your exes core values?

Can they not get over the fact that you flirted with those three girls over there?

What about the fact that you can’t stop lying to them?

Can they forgive those things?

Here is the dirty little secret my peers don’t want to let you in on. As sad as it is, there are some situations where there can be no success. There are some things that you can do to your ex that will ruin any chance you have of getting them back.

And it all has to do with that line.

What’s the one thing that can be done to them that will make them say enough is enough.

Like I said, for me it’s cheating.

If someone cheats on me that’d be it.

Where is your exes line?

And did you cross it?

Conclusion

I’ll admit that I was a bit vague on the last concept because there is so much personalization there so I wouldn’t be shocked if you had questions on it. If you do make sure you ask them in the comments below.

I WILL ANSWER YOU!

I promise.

Let’s do a quick recap of everything we learned today.

  • There are typically four concepts I want you to keep an eye out for on if it’s too late to get your ex back
  • The Triangle Theory
  • You’ve Failed No Contact Too Many Times
  • You’re Emotionally Unstable
  • You’ve Trampled On One Of Your Exes Core Values

Again, I will be answering your comments so don’t be shy to ask whatever questions you have about the article.

7 thoughts on “When Is It Too Late To Get Back With Your Ex?”

  1. Annie

    October 23, 2018 at 11:54 am

    Hi Chris,
    Our relationship was short but intense. We both think we’re perfect together but eventually he broke up because he said he felt he hasn’t processed his failed marriage enough. Couple weeks later he had a new girlfriend but told me it’s different with her than with me and that he’s sure that he will never find someone he’s so deeply connected to and compatible to than me.
    We still hung out two days in September because we were both travelling to the US where our family lives and met up there. (non romantically – but slept in one bed) There I had an accident where I broke both feet and he carried me around.and after that I wrote him a letter saying that I can’t talk to him anymore because it hurts too much that he has a new girlfriend and I can’t stay friends with him. Every conversation we had was full of respect and appreciation. There was never a bad word. We were very close. I just don’t get it why he’s with a new girlfriend but still tells me he hasn’t given us up yet and he can’t get me out of his head… him saying that and taking care of me after the accident but having a new girl at the same time just had hurt me so much that I wrote that letter.
    I just hope he’ll come back eventually but won’t do anything but recover physically and emotionally right now. I won’t contact him and nothing.
    What do you think about that story? You think maybe innate future or next year we have another chance?

  2. sam

    October 22, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Hi! I am doing no contact, but I sent my ex a text for his birthday just saying “I hope you had a nice birthday :)” because I felt weird not acknowledging it. He responded and said “Thank you! I appreciate it.” I didn’t respond and am continuing to employ no contact for another few weeks. Is this a good sign that he responded though?

  3. Silvia

    October 22, 2018 at 2:03 am

    I contacted my ex about almost 2 months of not talking. He would look at my post right away most of the time so I figured he being too stubborn to reach out. I said hey there! Hope you’re doing well take care! We talked a bit after that, then he stopped replying. It was going smoothly I didn’t bring up anything, I was being nice, funny & just asked how he was doing. I didn’t ask him for anything. Then he took a whole day to reply & I ended off saying it was nice talking you you. He never said anything back. I’m so hurt I feel like he’s doing it on purpose. He the one who ended it?? I’m totally confused I don’t even know if I should try anymore 🙁 he keeps posting on his story he seems to be pretty happy. Is there still any chance he can come back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 22, 2018 at 3:55 am

      Hi Silvia!

      Just remember to take little steps. Have you taken a look at the material in my ebooks. You want him to chase a bit, so ending the communications at the high point can be helpful. Just think in terms of easing into things, so you both can gauge your feelings. Wait awhile and try again.

  4. sheila

    October 20, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    My ex and I have split up a few times over the last 10 months of our relationship, but managed to get back together. My first mistrust came when he told me he was still keeping in contact with an ex of his they had split 3 years ago and were together for about year n half. I was not happy about it and should have said hey ok but I cant be with you if this is the case. 3 in a relationship is not good for me. But I didnt and this was my downfall big style, I have tried to talk about this to him many times but he says what goes on with me and her should not bother what we do quite defensive… Hmmm I wanted reassurance that it was just a friendship and nothing more. I never got an answer, she didnt no about us to start with and I dont no when she became aware of me to be honest they must have talked about it at some stage, but hey she just kept right on coming through with phone calls him swiping his phone or ring you later HUN!!!…. oh and pretending it was his MUM calling…MISTRUST….me being paranoid, this is how it got to me. Long story short I over stood my welcome accused him countless times of cheating crossed the line when I snooped around his home and found womens slipper hide in a bag in a suitcase which had been put there august as there was a receipt in the bag( Not for the slipper by the way) toiletries in his bathroom they were neither mine or his….. I kept an eye on these items over a few weeks and yes the toiletries were being used but by whom….I did have keys to the property and basically could have turned up at any time but I didnt and respected that on a Friday I went down and a Monday I left and so on….only last week I stayed at his for the full week while my car was getting sorted, ended up with dirty cold and wasnt feeling to good, I woke on the Sunday while he was gutting his house (Cleaning) I did manage to be sarcastic and saying oh you must be expecting a visitor and for the amount of sex we have had this week I would swear there is someone else……well that just blow it…..I had crossed the line with accusations ….I felt him shut off there and then that moment he was gone….I went home on the sunday txt him on the Monday ignored me all day….I called him on the Monday night he spoke to me only asking for his keys back and he would get my stuff to me . I was so annoyed I went down that night he had the chain on the door I had to wait till he decided to open the door….got my things gave keys back asked him if this is the end he said yes had enough. No contact till the Thursday I call just to see if he was ok…..he said we could stay friend after telling me that his ex had just been on the phone and they had had a really good chat for the past half hour which just made me see red…..I told him that I could not be friends like his ex….I then proceeded to txt him and tell him he is out of my life forever and dropped the slipper and toiletries into the txt too….. I have blocked him…..does this make me a jealous unstable women… did I over step his mark…am I insane with my accusation…..there is a whole load of other stuff within this relationship lack of communication calling me a wimp and a softy, that I needed tough love…. I think I will right a book myself….do I want him back I miss him like crazy he was a good man in his eyes…very generous never had to pay for anything we used to have fights to see who could get the money out quick enough because I like to pay my way too…he doesnt want me and the drama I bought to the relationship I have to accept that I cant be friends and end up like his ex….having cozy little chats now and again or txting each other like we used to…he has gone and I have to move on….Im sitting here in tears writing this i do miss him terribly. Is my lack of trust founded or do I need to sit and have a really good talk with myself and say it was all your fault for this break up.

  5. Sylvia

    October 18, 2018 at 4:09 am

    Hi Chris,
    I am hoping factor #1 doesnt apply to me or can be mitigated.
    I haven’t failed no contact( too good at it actually), i’m not emotionally unstable nor have I crossed any value lines. However, we’ve totally cut off contact for about a year. We broke up because we were LDR. He’s had a gf for about 1.5 years, he doesnt seem as interested in her but shes obsessed with him and tracks him like crazy online( he even told me so.), He rarely posts pics with her online yet her social media is only posts with him where he looks uninterested. When we were together he was the one who’d take most of the pics of us together.

    I’ll admit my social media game hasnt been great over the past year or so because I rarely ever post but the rare and few times I do, he generally Always likes my posts.

    I have become stronger and things have been looking up for me over this past year re: career, extracurricular activities etc.

    Any chance in us being able to work it out?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2018 at 11:16 pm

      Hi Sylvia!

      Good job Sylvia in working toward becoming an even stronger woman. Just continue to follow the blueprint I lay out in my program!

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