Learn Exactly What Your Ex Is Feeling During The No Contact Rule

267 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”

Lizzy

August 1, 2020 at 5:20 pm

Hi there. I was with my ex for 6 months. He was like my best friend. His friends loved me dearly, and his mom told me that I was the best girl any of her sons had ever brought home. It was bliss, but when things got more serious, he ended things via text. He agreed to talk and we poured it all out on the table 2 days later. He cried. I cried. We sobbed. He (fearful-avoidant) is afraid of commitment and I (anxious) struggle with communication, which I have worked on. We went on a “break” for 2.5 weeks (we talked about it in person but I was unsure of what was happening) and tried NC then. He would reach out so I would entertain it as well. He made sexual innuendos, to which, I set a boundary (didn’t want to get used for sex), said he missed me, and made plans to meet up but wouldn’t follow through on them. I felt like I was being lead on and communicated with him that I felt like I was being lead on. He shut down emotionally, had short responses, didn’t want to work on things, and denied leading me on. He said if he changed his mind he would reach out at one point or another. It has now been 16 days NC. The first week we broke up he liked every single one of my tweets (seldom did that when we were together). Day 5-7 days into NC…..He’s tweeted about how he’s now a “single man” and eluding to player behavior (to get a rise out of me). I ignored it and have remained graceful throughout all of this. No sad posts. Nothing but grace, working on myself, and kindness. Im generally a kind individual so it’s not a huge deal, just maybe a bit amplifier. He continued with the behavior and I unfollowed him. I didn’t want to see it nor would I tolerate that level of disrespect to be honest. I had a family member pass from COVID-19 and he found out but didn’t reach out. Didn’t text me on my birthday (day 10 of NC). Then his friend (who used to have a crush on me before I met my ex) tweeted about how his “exes friends are lame” and my ex was the only to like it. I ignored it. His friends and brother started liking my tweets significantly more and have even initiated conversation with me a few times and have been nothing but polite. I’ve respected boundaries and will be kind to them. On day 13 NC I got a text from an unknown number as if they matched with me on tinder… I knew the first name because it was one of my exes more distant friends. He said we “matched last night” and I told him it was impossible because I didn’t have a tinder. He then asked what my opinion was based off of another “Elizabeth” on tinder and sent the link, which would lead to the app. If I didn’t have the app, I couldn’t give a genuine response. I reiterated thar I don’t have a tinder and wished him the best of luck. 20 minutes later he (my exes friend from the text) requested to follow me on Instagram….without knowing my last name or username *face palm*. My friend pointed out that my ex has tagged his friend in a post on Twitter the night his friend texted me… at this point I don’t know what to do. He’s acted like a jerk and is too afraid to reach out to me. All of his other exes have pleaded and begged. Is it likely he is trying to reach out soon?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 15, 2020 at 2:50 pm

Hi Lizzy, from your post the actions of your ex seem very immature and he does not really show that he is dealing with the break up very well to get his friends to do these things if he is talking about you however that is a good thing but also shows that you need to be UG on social media showing you are doing great. At some point you will need to reach out to your ex, I would suggest based on his friends actions however that you reach out when you have completed 30 days of solid NC with them all.

Cindy

July 29, 2020 at 10:44 pm

My ex and i broke up mothers day since then hes contacted me every 3 days to check up on me. He was my soul mate and he texted me told me he was depressed needed to find out who he was and he loved me very much but cant be with me. He makes excuses to come by he wanted a ps4 he gave my son or hey i accidentally had a package sent to your house can i come by to pick up some things. Each time i noticed he hugs me a long time and tightly hes wearing my ring that was inscribed with soulmates always hes even wearing my necklace that says i choose you. Hes tried telling me he just needs time he doesnt know what he wants. He said lets be friend. I feel like hes keeping me hanging he says hes not he wouldnt do that. Im on day 14 now of no contact/ limited cause we do have bills together. I only text brief short messages and hes still sending packages to my house. Idk hoping im doing the right thing my therapist seems to think so. Im also hoping it will bring him back but better like he knows what he wants and hes not as immature.
Jason

July 29, 2020 at 9:28 pm

Wish all these games didn’t have to be played. I want my ex back never wanted her to go in the first place. We make mistakes but I value the if you love them work it out and prove that love is strong for them and only them no matter what. Not always easy and mean things get said out of different reasons but if that person was trying to fix the issues causing issues in the first place then have a little faith and trust and see if they show it.
Arina

July 29, 2020 at 2:49 pm

Hello! My boyfriend and I were together 5 months,he broke up with me because he goes to Spain to study and I was afraid of long distance relationship… I didn’t beg or plead,I started no contact,But on day 11,my father died and I called him up…since then We started talk again,But about casual things. From monday, I started no contact again. Should I continue it or can I talk with him?
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 31, 2020 at 11:28 am

Hi Arina, I am so sorry for the loss of your father! If you want to get your ex back then you need to complete a full 30 days NC before talking to your ex again. To follow this program make sure you are reading the articles to help you through each stage

Sherry

July 28, 2020 at 5:45 am

Uhhh…i initiated the breakup..but then he said “i cant go i hours without you,” and disappeared. We never really fought. Hes never disappeared. Its been 17 days though since he disappeared. This is also long distance. He has checked my snap once in the beginning, but on day 10, i disabled his ability to see my stories to go radio silent.

I hope its a good idea to do no contact at least 30 days. Oy. So hard and im not sure this is the right choice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 31, 2020 at 1:21 pm

Hi Sherry, yes it is the right choice keep working on yourself

Meg

July 27, 2020 at 5:30 pm

Hey,

I’m currently at 3 weeks of NC with my guy, that I initiated.

I got a bunch of texts at the two week mark. Him asking to see me, sending question marks, etc. Nothing angry.

I plan to reach out at 4 weeks. But, how can I be sure he’s even reached the confrontation about what he’s lost phase if he doesn’t say anything further to elude to that? I don’t want to reach out if he hasn’t gone through that phase yet, ya know?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 27, 2020 at 10:05 pm

Hey Meg, the realisation that he could have lost you is when he was reaching out and you were not replying. So I think you’re good to go to start reaching out at the end of your NC period

Jazzy

July 27, 2020 at 2:40 am

What I don’t understand is how can they worry or get mad after not hearing from us if they’re the ones who wanted to break up in the first place. Wouldn’t it be the opposite? They’d be glad they’re not hearing from us?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 27, 2020 at 9:37 pm

At first yes they are relieved but then it starts to play on their mind why you are not begging and pleading to get back with them or at least talk to them like they thought you would.

Marco

July 25, 2020 at 10:02 pm

My Girlfriend broke up with me on last tuesday i started NC rule last day… Do I really have to wait for 30days.. we chat a lot, call a lot talk a lot. But she had depressed last Sunday then she brokeup with me thru text …
My friends told me that shes doing fine but I’ve been thinking why shes not sad or what cuz our relationship ends, she tells me that all our gifts and promises I should throw that all away… Because time pass by… If I still apply NC is there a chance getting her back again based on what happened?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 26, 2020 at 10:24 am

Hey Marco, if you want a relationship back with your ex then yes you need to follow the program that starts with a 30 day No Contact

Franklin Trevor

July 20, 2020 at 9:07 am

Hi there, thanks for your teaching. I have question that I want to ask please. Do you think the no contact rules can work for the second time after breaking the first one? My ex girlfriend broke up with me last year may for someone else, I still love till today I’m stuck with the heart breaking I cant sleep at night since last year I apply the no contact rules from last year june but earlier this year I break it by sending her a happy birthday wishes and try talking to her thinking maybe I can fix things but she keep telling me that she moved on but shes asking me to be his friend. How can I be friend to the person I love? I stop talking to her since March this year on April she block me on what’s up again like she did for the first time when she left me . On june 21 I got a Facebook notification coming from her while she was blocking me on her Facebook when we broke up so I’m focused I don’t know what shes up too. Please advise me what to do.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 25, 2020 at 8:47 pm

Hi Franklin yes it can work – you can follow the No Contact rule again and this time be sure not to break it early and focus on yourself in that time. Being blocked on social media platforms is not uncommon it happens from time to time and is often an emotional response to a break up. You could possibly be unblocked by the time you complete your 45 day no contact

Hope G

July 10, 2020 at 12:47 pm

Hi, me and my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up a week ago. We have a 6 month old baby together.
I started the NC the day we split and I’ve had nothing, he hasn’t asked how our daughter is, he hasn’t messaged me once at all. He views my snap chat stories, and insta stories. He’s deleted all of his pictures of me off his instagram, but not Facebook. I feel like he’s done this to get a rise out of me for me to message him but I’ve been strong and not done anything. But nothing off his side. He’s a very stubborn person so I can’t see him messaging me at all. I’m scared that he’ll just forget about me & leave our relationship for good. I’m starting to lose hope in this working 🙁
Please have you got any advice for me? X

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 4, 2020 at 8:56 pm

Hey Hope, so working through the No Contact period can be hard when you share children but be sure to ignore him regardless of what he sends unless it is asking you directly about your child. Work on yourself in this time and your Holy Trinity this is going to help your ex see that you are doing well without him and that you do not need him. This is the impression you need him to have to make him start questioning his reasons for leaving.

Cherise

July 8, 2020 at 10:28 pm

Hi … The guy I been “friends” with this guy until he disrespected me in front of another women so I started no contact that day …the end of the week will be 30 days. Now he knew I had feelings for him and he told me the same…… But some where down the line.. we wasn’t getting along. I’ve known him for years but starting the “introduction of dating period” about 10 months. I guess the question will be…. How do I get him to take me more serious enough to get out of the friend zone. This back and forth is not working out for me…..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 1, 2020 at 9:19 pm

Hi Cherise, so you would need to show your guy that you are desirable to other men – get dating casually. You being in the friend zone I would suggest that you read and follow the being there method so that your guy will question if you are flirting or just being friendly, and also make him view you in a more romantic situation when you meet up, arrange things in places where he could possibly think it was a date, but then you leave him wanting more

Gel

July 5, 2020 at 2:00 pm

What If my Ex is just doing the exact same thing? Male dating coaches offer the same advice, I said that I think he should just focus on his own life and he agreed. What If we are both just playing these games in hopes that one will contact the other? Should I just make contact after the 35 days?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 6, 2020 at 6:15 pm

Hey Gel, our program TELLS you to reach out to your ex at the end of your No Contact period. Read some more articles so that you understand what it is that you are supposed to be doing

Nia Ramse

July 4, 2020 at 6:50 pm

What if you blocked your ex boyfriend in everything! Snapchat,Instagram,Facebook,their number

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 4, 2020 at 9:51 pm

Hi Nia, you are forced into a indefinite No Contact until your ex unblocks you in this case. In the mean time work on your Holy Trinity

Nikki

July 2, 2020 at 11:31 pm

Me and my boyfriend was like love at first sight. It was a instant connection. We have dated 4 and half years until 6 months ago he call me saying he is depressed, job issue, family and church issues( he is a pastor). He said he feel like he is drowning and the weight if the world is on him. He said he need space to get his self together. I was devastated because we was so close and saw each other almost every day. I cried and he cried. He said I love you and I can’t do this because I don’t want to lose you. I have been talking and texting off and on hoping this is just stress and it will get better. But my emotions are betrayed and hurt. He then lost his dad. He now talks as if I’m in his past and sometimes in his future. I love him but we too grown for this. He walked all over me last Sunday. I started the NC on June 29th. 2 days after that its what you doing text? Or he tried to explain why he walked over me. I didn’t respond. I love him but its has to change. We never had any major issues. How long should I go?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 26, 2020 at 10:02 am

I would say that if you find he is disrespectful to you and does not see his wrong doing then you need to go 45 days No Contact and work on yourself in that time. Read about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself where you can

Maanvi

June 29, 2020 at 4:37 am

I had a breakup after a live in relationship of 1 year and we have been dating since 3 years all together. I don’t know what went wrong with him one day he suddenly came and said he is not happy. I asked him to give us another chance and we continue our live in for another 5 months. We were happy together but he always used to look so frustrated and at the end of the day said we should breakup. He cared for me pampered me but never said love you in the last 5 months. Finally I came back to my home and he still texts every day am I doing good. That he cant be loyal may be so he wanted breakup. He doesn’t have a reason he said. I started no contact but then he said on Whatsapp are you okay now? What should I do??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 3, 2020 at 11:51 pm

Hey Maanvi, I suggest that you start following the program, starting with No Contact and working on yourself

Bt

June 25, 2020 at 7:37 pm

I’m on day 34 of no contact. Haven’t heard a peep from my ex this entire time, nor have I reached out in any way. Yesterday, I see that he reactivated his Instagram account and checked my story. I know not to get my hopes up, but I’d say that’s a positive sign that NC is working. I can’t contact him now or it will seem like I’m pouncing on him. Should I wait the full 45 days?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 27, 2020 at 9:13 pm

Yes wait for the full 45 days, do not break. Also do not watch any of his stories either this is showing that NC is working and that you are on his mind for him to watch your social media, so be sure that it looks positive and Ungettable so your ex wonders why you are doing so well without him in your life

Sara

June 21, 2020 at 12:31 pm

Should we block our ex on Instagram an WhatsApp ? During this process??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 27, 2020 at 9:34 pm

Ideally no, only if you can not stop yourself from reaching out or social media stalking him

Jay Jay

June 17, 2020 at 4:22 am

Hey I was dating this girl for 6 months when she had just recently got out of a three year relationship where she had been dating a woman it ended badly. Everything was going good for the first few months until I started to become overwhelming on her she broke up with me about 2 weeks ago the way my girl is she is very distant she is not overly emotional she loves to be by herself and anytime we ever had any arguments or anything I would never give her space I would constantly beg and plead and try my hardest to not lose her but this time I could tell she was really hurt she really needed space so I respected her wishes she asked me not to contact her and she will contact me when she is ready. I tried the no contact rule but I messed up and I had a weak moment and called her in the middle of the night drunk and started an argument. The argument got bad but no bridges were burnt, I just been having a hard time living everyday without her, we talked regularly we actually had great conversations we click I just became too overbearing and she already likes women to begin with I feel like I messed up by calling her during no contact and I just want to know if all hope is lost? I called her again in the morning to apologize and let her know I was drunk and I missed her and I didn’t mean to do all that I assured her I would respect her wishes and still be here no matter what because I love her she blocked my number and blocked me on social media but that’s something she does normally anytime she is upset it’s not like she’s never blocked me she always does that when she is upset I just feel like I really messed up a beautiful thing and I’ve been working on becoming a better person for myself and for her in case she comes back I just feel hopeless during the no contact everyday I really battle with picking up the phone and fighting for what we had or just following the no contact rule and praying for the best idk if the no contact still applies bc I got weak and called her 6 days after the initial break up
Robyn

June 13, 2020 at 8:38 pm

My ex left me nearly three weeks ago after a lost a baby and said that he left because of how i was ie my attitude and lashing out, he blocked me on whatsapp instagram and facebook but didnt block my number on imessage he has told me it is over and that he doesnt want to try anymore but i love him dearly we were together for a year and he lived with me and my daughter i want to get him back but he ignores my messages

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 13, 2020 at 9:47 pm

Hi Robyn, you need to complete a 30 day NC and give you both some time apart. You are going to need time to heal from your loss. You need to work on your Holy Trinity and be sure that you are working to be happy again before getting back into a relationship

Brad

June 10, 2020 at 4:32 pm

I was dating this girl and things were going really well until it eventually all got a bit overwhelming so she ended things. This was just under a year ago and I tried the no contact rule but lasted 2 days after she reached out to me (failure). Recently we came in contact again and she hit me with the “I’d like to be friends with you” I declined the offer and told her it wasn’t what I was looking for. I wished her all the best and I’m looking to try the no contact rule again. What should I do once the month has finished should I reach out to her? (I would like a relationship with her)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 13, 2020 at 10:53 pm

Hi Brad yes you would need to reach out using a text that Chris has suggested in his articles that caters to your exes interests.

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267 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”