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263 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”

  1. Jonee landry

    October 1, 2020 at 1:58 am

    Hi my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago we broke up before we had a disagreement and a fight we talk about it and we got back together every thing was good we was going on a good path we been together for 18 months I did everything right by him I was devoted to him he is my everything and my true love we was texting each talking about how we miss each other and love each other then he decided to break it off because of trust issues he is good man for me and my kids i miss him so much he changed his number i want him back i know we good each and i love so much …Help me please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:06 pm

      Hi Jonee, I would suggest that right now you need to focus on yourself and your holy trinity, keeping to the rules of no contact and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles

  2. Lydia

    September 28, 2020 at 2:41 pm

    My boyfriend of 1 year left me a week ago. During the first stage of no contact he had reached out to me. He apologized for breaking up with me over the phone and he also told me he was going to get help for his depression. I cannot tell if the no contact rule is working or not. I am not sure if he reached out to me for closure so he could feel better about the breakup or if he truly misses me. I met a new guy and he’s awesome but I do not want to be with him if my ex wants me back. Will a rebound trigger my ex to want me back? And would calling my ex and giving him an ultimatum work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 8, 2020 at 10:17 am

      Hi Lydia, I would suggest that you date the new guy casually as you still considering going back to your ex. And you moving on with your life and working on yourself showing your ex that you are doing great without them. Keep with the No Contact and follow the information in the articles

  3. Tracy jones

    September 25, 2020 at 9:02 am

    My fiancé left me on Sunday after 6 years together. He said he still loves me but hasn’t been happy for a few months. I’d had two bad relationships prior to meeting him and he is the best thing to happen to me. I have 2 children who adore him also. He says he just wants to be on his own and work out what he wants. It’s so difficult to understand how he could just walk out after all this time. We haven’t had any arguments and neither of us have done anything to hurt the other one. Now we have explained to the kids he’s moved out is there any hope of him coming back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 25, 2020 at 8:43 pm

      Hi Tracy, there is a chance yes you just need to give him some space and time to miss you. Read about how the No Contact rule works and follow this for 30 days while you work on yourself and focus on making sure the kids adjust to the change

  4. Michelle

    September 24, 2020 at 4:50 am

    Hi! I love your article. I am on day one of NC with my ex narc I dated for 10 months. Unlike other narcs that I’ve heard of, mine was VERY affectionate and was big on PDA. He came to my house every weekend and we spoke and goggle duo’d several times every day. When I exposed him for having inappropriate convos with multiple women and 2 men. When faced with proof, he denied it and made excuses for it. His main one was that he is always talking to me and at my house every weekend. I fell for it. Fastforward to this past weekend and I found out that he has been cheating on me for our entire relationship. Sometimes calling and texting fro my house only to turn around and be all in my face kissing and cuddling. When we broke up he stole my cell phone and threw it off of a bridge into a river, I made a police report and told him before I go to court I’d give him an opportunity to pay me the $250 I had to spend to get a new phone (he also owes me about $500 for a loan). He told me that he isn’t paying for my phone and “will see” if he has money to give me toward the loan. We ended up having a back and forth exchange and i have since blocked him on all media’s. I am in therapy working on the insecurities that allowed me to attract someone like him but at the same time, I want revenge, I have copies of the messages between him and the dude and I want to send te to some of his foks He’s big on people’s perception of him so I know it would hurt him, which is what i want, I know you’re going to say to let it go and continue to work on myself, but I cant shake the feeling of getting him back so he hurts like I hurt

  5. Gothica

    September 19, 2020 at 9:33 pm

    Hi! I was in a short term relationship with a divorced guy. Everything was pretty amazing until he said he isn’t good enough for me, that he doesn’t want to have a relationship and be imprisoned again. We remained in contact and he played hot and cold until he stopped texting me, only replying. Now, I am in my no contact phase for almost a week. Today he has liked my photos and posts. He has posted a photo today. Should I like his photo as well? Or not?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:34 pm

      Hi Gothica, you do not like photos or social media posts while you are in No Contact

  6. Glynis

    September 15, 2020 at 10:55 pm

    We were dating two months: texting every day & night . Dating on the weekend. No fights. Then, he’s telling me that I don’t know my true self, & I’m not ready for a relationship. Then, a misunderstood text, & we broke up because he says there’s no spark.
    Since we broke up, he has texted me every day. (We broke up almost a month ago.)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 5:56 pm

      Hey Glynis, so you need to start the no contact rule if you have not yet and stick with it for a solid 30 days. Unless your ex says that they want to get back with you just keep silent until its time for you to reach out to them

  7. Henna

    August 29, 2020 at 2:37 am

    Hi we we’re dating for 8 months and after every fight he would air me for 2-3 days and I wasn’t feeling myself started to feel insecure and I told him the next day we had a very petty argument and he aired me for 2 dats I had enough and told him it’s over it’s been a month and we haven’t spoken I still love him but felt right at the time what shall I do ??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 31, 2020 at 7:20 pm

      Hi Henna, I would suggest you work on your self esteem issues, and also consider if this is the sort of relationship you even want to be in where someone ignores you for a few days after an argument is not a good pattern to fall into. When you break up, no contact is needed for a re set so I would suggest that you follow along with the program going forward. But it sounds really like you do not get along and him giving you silent treatment when you are still together is not a good move

  8. Demet

    August 24, 2020 at 9:28 am

    My long distance relationship officially ended last 10th of June this year. I initiated the breakup days prior to the official day since we have been dealing the same issues for years regarding his habit related to other women. Out of anger, I said it’s better we end things between us but he didn’t agree immediately. I was waiting for him to fix the problem but didn’t see any effort. Despite the mutual decision he initially wanted to stay friends with me and even considers the idea of traveling again as friends. But since my anger is still high, I continue to argue on topics like why he did this and that despite all my efforts to keep the relationship working. I sent him the last stash of souvenirs I collected from my travels saying since we aren’t meeting anymore but I’m fulfilling my promise. I had started the NC last June unfortunately it only lasted for 3 days. Until today we exchange short text messages and often ends up me getting frustrated because of expectations that he would change and come back. Mid July to first half of August, he was being nice to me since I got very sick. But few days back he became distant again. I intend to start the strict NC program exactly a week before the third month of our breakup. I am hesitant but i just started today sending him a voice message and our photo together during our travel. I intend to continue doing it for 8 days and then I will suddenly disappear as I intend to start the NC. He claims he thinks I am the one for him but actions show online that he is still too friendly to other women. And yesterday he said he still loves me but no longer the same as before. I may sound a jealous rat but, we met through dating app hence, I am paranoid that he continues to chat to different women and now adds them to his social media so he can easily talk to them. (He did it many times when I had access on his snapchat and IG so my fear had a basis).

    Do you think NC will still work out for us?

    He seldom ignore my messages but he doesn’t send me follow up messages when I become quite. Somehow deep down, I am still Expecting him to look for me.

    (Sorry for the lengthy message)

    Thank you and stay safe

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hey there, yes I think it will, but you NEED to be strong and stick with it. This includes looking at any social media posts too

  9. Sara

    August 19, 2020 at 8:57 am

    My ex came back during no contact with confusing messages. what should I do?

    Our break up was about 3 weeks ago. I was very active in this relationship and the only thing I was asking was more attention. (Time to time we had this issue). When I started talking about this he always said that he was who he was and couldn’t change. The only thing I was asking was to send me a message during the day and his argument was that this doesn’t mean for him attention 🙂 (i can’t imagine why is this so diff. if u want to be with someone) Finally, I asked him if he wanted this relationship or not – his answer was that he loved me but was not sure if he wanted this or not. I decided and started doing NO contact. It’s almost 3 weeks and he already texted me twice. The first time he texted me “ Go and sleep “:))) and the week after only smile and nothing meaningful. I miss him so much and I am so afraid of losing him, but what can I do? Shall I answer this kind of message, or wait for something meaningful? He is kind of a peter pan man and I know his effort is minimal in everything, but still.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 27, 2020 at 1:05 pm

      Hi Sara, you need to complete a full 30 days of NC if you are going to follow the program, but these types of messages I wouldn’t break for as there is no effort gone into them. If you want change, you need to be the one to enforce it

  10. Arti

    August 17, 2020 at 7:08 am

    We were friends from 10th and he has feelings for me since 10 th. He proposed me in first year of college and we were in LDR only from starting. He broke up with me after 3 years, he said he love me and he will continue to, I asked him so he said he has our pictures also and chats also but he can’t be in relationship anymore because now it has gone to parents and my parents are not allowing due to caste issues. I begged him cried over phone talked to his mother, my mother also talked to him but he was like I can’t do anything, I can only choose among u and them and I love them more.
    What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 10:37 pm

      Hi Arti, if he is choosing his family over you and told you so this is a difficult one to change his mind. I would suggest that you spend some time in No Contact and following the information about being Ungettable. However, I would also suggest that you consider moving on if he is not going to go against his families wishes

  11. Meredith

    August 16, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    I’m on day 21 of no contact he hasn’t reached out at all, I removed him from all social media as a way guard my heart, but have heard from friends he is posting a TON, like every single thing he is doing. Is there still a chance he will reach out? I told him I loved him and he told me he wasn’t there and didn’t see a future with me. We only ever had petty arguments never any red flags. I was blindsided. I’m just so confused if I let him go or hold onto hope.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 10:21 pm

      Hey Meredith, the point of No Contact is not to wait for your ex to reach out to you, it is for you to work on yourself and use social media to show you are doing great, work and achieve goals that you set for yourself. And then after your NC period is finished you reach out to your ex, to re connect and start building rapport. I suggest you read more articles to help you understand what it is you need to be doing

  12. Ann Gitau

    August 14, 2020 at 11:39 am

    Hello there, so my guy texted me about a month ago that he wants to be alone and is not even gonna marry, I felt he wants to break up with me and I was angry and kinda confronted him about wasting my time. We went silent for two weeks and he texts me saying how he was stressed then and instead of understanding him I got angry with him. We talked about many things and we again disagreed and argued because he was telling me how his family doesn’t want him to marry from my tribe and at some I called him mama’s boy since I felt he is being controlled too much. He got angry and ee stopped talking then yesterday its when he opened up about him moving on, that he has someone else who understands him and thats where he is directing his attention as for now. I feel so lost I deleted his number but I still feel I need an explanation.

  13. Terrance Stewart

    August 11, 2020 at 5:13 pm

    Hello..my wife of 12 years move out saying she was going to take care of her 91yr old grandma. Which she lied about..she move in a house right next door to her grandma in hope that I wud leave my apartment and move in with her I told her that was was not leaven my apartment..so she left…..i have been doing the no contact rule for about 2 weeks now….so what’s going on in her head….Terrance

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 6:28 pm

      Hey Tarrance, is there a reason you are not willing to go live near her grandmother? By the sounds of things she just wanted support to take care of her grandmother and live near by. I may have misunderstood the situation though I am just going off the information given

  14. Lim

    August 10, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    It’s been a week he broke up with me and he wanted to be my friend so we were friends but I started the no contact rule on him a week after being friends, so is it gonna work??? Plzzz help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 10, 2020 at 9:01 pm

      Hi Lim yes this can work if you follow the program properly

  15. Kate

    August 10, 2020 at 7:40 am

    My boyfriend of 9 months broke up suddenly with me yesterday out of the blue. I’m shocked.
    We were supposed to be going to Greece on holiday in 2 weeks.
    He says we can still go if I want to. And can talk more. I don’t know what to do 🙁
    If I do no contact until then?? Or should I be cancelling holiday?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 8:17 pm

      Hi Kate, it really is your choice. If you want to go on your holiday then I suggest you go look amazing, do not sleep with him while you are there. Just be his “friend” and you can flirt a little but keep your distance.Enjoy your break and show him that you have emotional control. When you get home if he has not asked you to get back together then you can go into a No Contact then.

  16. Gift

    August 9, 2020 at 5:44 am

    Hi my ex broke up with me because I have found out that she lied to me about sleeping at her house while she was supposed to come back to me because we stayed together….so while she wasn’t answering my calls and text the whole night I decided to go and check her at her place and they told me that she left yesterday saying she is coming to me, even worse I gave her my card so that she can withdraw money to buy groceries and she drank the money….I was struggling as it was the beginning of lock down. Now during the 4 months of the break up I have been begging and pleading and she would be mean to me then when I proposed that she must come and get her clothes and bring mine she would stall then I decided to take hers to a place where I remained in the car and a friend took the clothes to her house as I moved back to my mother’s home because I was not ok and I needed to surround myself with family & friends….so during the no contact she will call or text checking up on me when I dont text her for 4 to 5 days….now she came with a guy to my mother’s home to pick up my cousin who where no longer friends while we were dating but became friends after she broke up with me I have been ignoring them like they dont exist but they will follow me like they/she want to rub it in my face that she has moved on and happy while wearing some of my jackets which I didn’t give to her and refuses to return it. 4 days ago she called and asked me a stupid question about my cousin. It’s been 7 days without contacting her but she contacted me the 3rd day of no contact period…problem is I still love her and I want her back, what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Hey there, you need to follow the No Contact properly for this to work that includes ignoring your ex if she reaches out to you in that time. 30 days no contact where you work on yourself the entire time

  17. Sharne

    August 2, 2020 at 9:51 pm

    If an individual accidentally forgets to remove a friend of the ex during the no contact rule whilst posting on social media. Does this affect the results? And should they stop the no contact phase?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 3, 2020 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Sharne, no you should not end your NC. Having mutual friends on your social media is fine

  18. Lizzy

    August 1, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    Hi there. I was with my ex for 6 months. He was like my best friend. His friends loved me dearly, and his mom told me that I was the best girl any of her sons had ever brought home. It was bliss, but when things got more serious, he ended things via text. He agreed to talk and we poured it all out on the table 2 days later. He cried. I cried. We sobbed. He (fearful-avoidant) is afraid of commitment and I (anxious) struggle with communication, which I have worked on. We went on a “break” for 2.5 weeks (we talked about it in person but I was unsure of what was happening) and tried NC then. He would reach out so I would entertain it as well. He made sexual innuendos, to which, I set a boundary (didn’t want to get used for sex), said he missed me, and made plans to meet up but wouldn’t follow through on them. I felt like I was being lead on and communicated with him that I felt like I was being lead on. He shut down emotionally, had short responses, didn’t want to work on things, and denied leading me on. He said if he changed his mind he would reach out at one point or another. It has now been 16 days NC. The first week we broke up he liked every single one of my tweets (seldom did that when we were together). Day 5-7 days into NC…..He’s tweeted about how he’s now a “single man” and eluding to player behavior (to get a rise out of me). I ignored it and have remained graceful throughout all of this. No sad posts. Nothing but grace, working on myself, and kindness. Im generally a kind individual so it’s not a huge deal, just maybe a bit amplifier. He continued with the behavior and I unfollowed him. I didn’t want to see it nor would I tolerate that level of disrespect to be honest. I had a family member pass from COVID-19 and he found out but didn’t reach out. Didn’t text me on my birthday (day 10 of NC). Then his friend (who used to have a crush on me before I met my ex) tweeted about how his “exes friends are lame” and my ex was the only to like it. I ignored it. His friends and brother started liking my tweets significantly more and have even initiated conversation with me a few times and have been nothing but polite. I’ve respected boundaries and will be kind to them. On day 13 NC I got a text from an unknown number as if they matched with me on tinder… I knew the first name because it was one of my exes more distant friends. He said we “matched last night” and I told him it was impossible because I didn’t have a tinder. He then asked what my opinion was based off of another “Elizabeth” on tinder and sent the link, which would lead to the app. If I didn’t have the app, I couldn’t give a genuine response. I reiterated thar I don’t have a tinder and wished him the best of luck. 20 minutes later he (my exes friend from the text) requested to follow me on Instagram….without knowing my last name or username *face palm*. My friend pointed out that my ex has tagged his friend in a post on Twitter the night his friend texted me… at this point I don’t know what to do. He’s acted like a jerk and is too afraid to reach out to me. All of his other exes have pleaded and begged. Is it likely he is trying to reach out soon?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 2:50 pm

      Hi Lizzy, from your post the actions of your ex seem very immature and he does not really show that he is dealing with the break up very well to get his friends to do these things if he is talking about you however that is a good thing but also shows that you need to be UG on social media showing you are doing great. At some point you will need to reach out to your ex, I would suggest based on his friends actions however that you reach out when you have completed 30 days of solid NC with them all.

  19. Cindy

    July 29, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    My ex and i broke up mothers day since then hes contacted me every 3 days to check up on me. He was my soul mate and he texted me told me he was depressed needed to find out who he was and he loved me very much but cant be with me. He makes excuses to come by he wanted a ps4 he gave my son or hey i accidentally had a package sent to your house can i come by to pick up some things. Each time i noticed he hugs me a long time and tightly hes wearing my ring that was inscribed with soulmates always hes even wearing my necklace that says i choose you. Hes tried telling me he just needs time he doesnt know what he wants. He said lets be friend. I feel like hes keeping me hanging he says hes not he wouldnt do that. Im on day 14 now of no contact/ limited cause we do have bills together. I only text brief short messages and hes still sending packages to my house. Idk hoping im doing the right thing my therapist seems to think so. Im also hoping it will bring him back but better like he knows what he wants and hes not as immature.

  20. Jason

    July 29, 2020 at 9:28 pm

    Wish all these games didn’t have to be played. I want my ex back never wanted her to go in the first place. We make mistakes but I value the if you love them work it out and prove that love is strong for them and only them no matter what. Not always easy and mean things get said out of different reasons but if that person was trying to fix the issues causing issues in the first place then have a little faith and trust and see if they show it.

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