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263 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”

  1. Taylor

    February 4, 2021 at 9:48 pm

    So i broke up with feanc’e about a month ago.however we have texted here and there but he leaves me hanging and this time its been 5 days and iev heard nothing should i do the no contact when he trys to reach me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 6, 2021 at 4:00 pm

      Hi Taylor if you want to try and get your ex back then yes step one is the No Contact period.

  2. Bianca

    January 31, 2021 at 9:12 am

    Hi! My ex and I were in the process of moving houses (both rented) and both had things in both houses. We broke up on Wednesday evening and yesterday (Saturday morning) we saw each other as I came to our old house (where he is staying now) to bring him clothes and we agreed things were still very raw and we’d wait a few days to talk again and agree to each go to the other house to pick up the rest of our stuff. Shall I wait until he contacts me in a few days, and after we have each picked up all our stuff in the other’s house, start NC? Or shall I ignore him altogether now and do no contact now and in 30 days say: sorry I needed time to heal, he can come now to get his stuff and I will do the same? I feel that’s mean. But I also feel seeing him in a few days will get both of us back to stage 1 (him being reassured in his decision and me back to stage 1 in my healing process). Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 4, 2021 at 4:54 pm

      Hi Bianca, if you can go 30 days without the things that are at his, and he does not reach out then I suggest try to go the whole 30 days. If he reaches out to you about collecting some of this belongings, tell him that is fine and that he can come at a time that suits you. Do not speak of anything other than this, and continue to the 30 days.

  3. Li

    January 30, 2021 at 6:47 am

    All your lessons are beneficial Chris but I have always wanted to take through in this boyfriend recovery because I have an off, on relationship and he says it’s because of the mother. What can I do to be helped by you?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 30, 2021 at 5:32 pm

      Hi Li, so you need to get your mother onside so if there is a reason she does not want you to be together, try to figure out if there is a way to change her view of you, following the no contact rule and work on your holy trinity during that time.

  4. Ju

    January 27, 2021 at 8:52 pm

    Quick question. How do I know how long my no contact should be ?
    I am currently on 16 days, missing him a lot, but didn’t break my no contact. How long should I keep going?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 27, 2021 at 9:28 pm

      Hi Ju so if your break up was messy and lots of begging and pleading you would go to 45 days, if it was a short relationship where you broke up amicably then 21. But majority of the time people follow the 30 day plan.

  5. Bap

    January 24, 2021 at 10:33 pm

    Quick question. So I have a drinking problem that resulted my ex and I splitting up and we’ve been under no contact. They haven’t blocked my number but have removed me from social media. For about a week and a half now. I am going to rehab in about a week which will be 30 days. Should I mention something about that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2021 at 5:08 pm

      Hi Bap, I would suggest that you send a message letting them know that you are going into rehab and that you will not be available until you are home again – this shows that you are going to work on yourself and that you are taking things seriously, other than that do not reach out.

  6. Anna

    January 12, 2021 at 3:44 pm

    HI, I was in a long distance relationship, and we were talking serious relationship and future together. However, lately we started arguing a lot, I became insecure and not trusting him, and he went from being respectful to my triggers to just irritated. He also had behaviors that would trigger insecurities in me. I suggested we take a break to save the relationship but a week into the break he broke up with me. He told me he loves me, but I need to fix myself. He said that it would be either me or no one else for him, but believes that relationship at this time is not good for us, that I’m not ready. It’s very confusing, not sure if I should give it time and hope that he will be back or just move on. I have been in no contact for 2.5 weeks now. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 10:22 pm

      Hi Anna, this is why we say that we should always work on ourselves to be the best version of ourselves, while partners can be respectful of our insecurities in some ways, when they start straining them too they tend to grow tired of trying to reassure you and feel annoyed. During your NC make your sole focus being about how to be confident, work on your self work and know you are worthy. Reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles, but be sure that you work on yourself before reaching out.

  7. caty zhong

    January 8, 2021 at 4:23 am

    I found out my bf was cheating on me for a month while he’s traveling other country and stayed there for 3 months. he wanted to broke up with me, so we did. he texted me he want to fix things with me 5-6 days after we broke up. I ignored him. 10 days later I had to ask him to delete me from his social media. it’s disgusting for me so I had to. He did. then 5 days later he said he miss me, life isn’t same anymore, he said he screwed up, sending me videos of me, and I told his I don’t wanna talk with him. The next day he sent me long long text he realized he’s selfish, disgusting person. he is really sorry to me about how and what he did to me. he said he will fix .. etc. and I ignored it. Now it’s been 9days since I did not reply him.
    What should I do? do you think he will keep reach out to me? we’re in different country now, i want him to fly to me and apologize in person.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2021 at 4:54 pm

      Hi Caty so I think when he comes home he will likely ask to see you, but stick with your no contact for 45 days at least. Make sure that you work on yourself to move past the upset caused by his cheating. Read the articles about the holy trinity and being ungettable showing that you are the best version of yourself.

  8. Private

    January 4, 2021 at 7:22 pm

    My ex and I dated 2.5 years we broke up end feb 2020, it was a mutual break up and for 3 months he was after me but I wasn’t ready to take him back. When I decided to take him back he turned and the tables have been like that ever since. The rest of the year we still saw each other, me trying to kind of make him realize he should be with me. He ended up blocking me a few times as well. Fast forward to the week of new years, I found out he had tinder and the week before that he told me he wanted to be with me but wasn’t 100% sure, mixed feelings. It’s been like that the entire time. We argued the week of new years and he blocked me. On new years I had a bit too much alcohol and texted him many things saying that he should enjoy his new girl (there is no nee girl) etc etc… the next morning he told me that I shouldn’t drink at all coz then I wont say stupid things. I eventually admitted to saying these things, apologized and said that we shouldn’t contact each other for a bit. Its now been 3 days. I have extreme anxiety and I so badly want him to make contact. Can I still enforce the no contact rule, and will it still work? I honestly feel in my heart that we should be together, he just needs to admit to his feelings and not let his ego get in the way.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2021 at 9:30 pm

      Hey there, so ideally you should have implemented NC soon after the break up, however yes you can follow the program starting with NC now. Be sure that you read articles and watch videos to do with longer term break ups.

  9. Sarah

    January 2, 2021 at 1:36 am

    This guy I use to work with 8 years ago, messages me out of the blue, on Facebook this past September. Nothing happened between us in the past. We were just always flirty. Well when he messaged me he asked me out on a date and we were inseparable for over two months. Then around the second week of December he pulls away and starts to ignore me. I ask him what’s wrong and he says is going through something and that he has his own problems and he completely drops me. I was stunned and very hurt. One day everything is fine and then over night everything changed. He says he doesn’t want to walk about what he is going through and that he wants to be alone for now. Should I message him and ask him wtf happened? I’m very hurt and confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 15, 2021 at 10:55 pm

      Hi Sarah, no I wouldn’t recommend that you reach out asking what happened to cause this, I would suggest that you use the social media platforms to show you are doing well and are not dwelling on the fact that he has dropped you. I’d suggest reading some Ungettable articles and reach out after 30 days NC if you want to, using a text that Chris suggests to get him interested in having a brief conversation with you to break the ice.

  10. JK

    December 15, 2020 at 1:37 pm

    1st time when I apply no contact rule on my girlfriend it work perfectly exactly after 8 days she called me & said I wanted to meet you right now & we were back together.
    2nd time I just recently apply no contact rule on same girl almost 22 days over but still no response by her, will no contact rule work this time or not? Please reply asap

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 10:24 pm

      Hi JK, yes it can work but it is important that you work on yourself during this time as you need to make sure that you are growing as person while apart. Also try to work out the reasons that the relationship has fallen apart for the second time.

  11. Jay

    December 13, 2020 at 4:43 am

    I started seeing a guy in July. We were spending a lot of time together (1.5 months) until I went on a trip for 2 weeks and he stopped replying to me. He messaged me when I got home as if nothing happened and I ended things because I didn’t feel respected. 3 weeks of NC later he text me asking to talk. He opened up saying I’m amazing and things were moving quickly so he panicked. We still never became exclusive but he began to be hot and cold, not answering me for a few days etc. He said he didn’t know what he wanted. I decided to end things because my needs weren’t getting met, I am not looking for casual. NC 3 weeks passed and he asked if I was angry. I restated I did not want to waste my time on a casual situation. No reply. 4 days later I have a missed call at 1am. Following by I text asking me to stop being bitter and that he had a genuine question to ask me. I asked what the question was and he sent a rude message calling me a big baby (with no answer to my question). I’m back in NC for 2 days. I don’t even know what stage we are in. What do I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 14, 2020 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Jay, when you have completed your 45 day no contact you can start reaching out, read some more articles to help you understand the program and what to do next.

  12. Liam

    December 11, 2020 at 3:29 pm

    I’m was with a girl since the age of 17 for 7 years we broke up January 2020 , but have been trying to work on things throughout the year , iv been trying my best to make things right and be the best I can be for her.
    But she blows hot and cold with me realy nice to me and then realy horrible for no reason that I can understand , we have a 4 year old daughter also, we used to live together bus since I moved out in January she has refused to let me move back in properly. Anyway it got to the point where I couldn’t take the emotional rollacoster any more , so I left , of come she says its my fault and I am to blame ,
    Shes not allowing me to see my daughter,

    We have been in no contact for almost a week now, I feel the need to reach out as I still love her and miss her but I feel if I reach out ill be back to square 1 of just being kicked out again in a few weeks time , I need her to realise that she has pushed me away and I want her to contact me to make things right,
    Any advise on what I should do and what I should not do and when to do these things,
    I’m scared that she won’t contact me again , I also made the stupid mistake of going on a dating site the first few days of the break up which was a dumb move , but I know she knows about that now .
    She has been stalking me on social media and hasn’t left the social media game “clash of clans” which she is part of, so I see that as good news that she wants at least some connection even if its only small.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2020 at 9:11 pm

      Hi Liam, definitely stick with your NC for as long as you can knowing she is watching your social media is going to show you that you are on her mind regardless of your contact with her. Work on yourself in this time and read information so that you can reach out to at the right time using one of Chris’ text methods.

  13. Suzan Nakato

    December 10, 2020 at 7:20 pm

    I have been in a relationship 3years now, but he has changed a lot , now am doing a no contact and now its one and a half month without him even bothering calling me, will I achieve what I want?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:48 pm

      If you are still in a relationship with this person then NO, you are not going to achieve change if you do not explain to your partner what you want from them. The No Contact rule should not be used if you are still in a relationship. Only when you break up.

  14. kyla

    December 7, 2020 at 1:06 pm

    so we’ve been dating with my girlfriend almost 3 years until she break up with me and it’s almost 2 months now. she just talks to me when she need something like business or confusion to some projects and help her out but no relationship topic at all. I tried to talk to her heartily if I manage to have a right time to speak but I ended up receiving messages like “im busy”, “idk” or excuses she can make.. she even sometimes just seen my messages. I really want to talk to her but she kept on avoiding it. Is doing the 30 no contact rule apply? if yes, then should I also ignore all her messages even if it’s an important thing in business stuff?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 14, 2020 at 9:20 pm

      Hi Kyla, if you work together or share a business then no do not ignore her. If you do not work together or have no reason to speak to her about her line of work then you No Contact and ignore any attempts she makes to speak to you.

  15. Cherise

    November 23, 2020 at 6:21 am

    Hi… This is Cherise again….. You answer my comment back in August, well here’s an update, I waited 60 days and I called him to fix my car and just to see if he was apologic…. I ask him did he think it was cool for him to put our business in front of his company, he look at me and walk off. I called him and left a message on his phone and told him I was tired of his games, I’m tired of you disrespecting me, and if I’m not worth an apology, then I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anyways, I told him don’t call me anymore, I was done. So a couple of weeks later, one of his lady friends/her mechanic starting working at my job. She would just come up to me out the blue, and talk about her mechanic and how they been together, I just walk away as if I didn’t hear her…long story short, she got fired and isn’t there any more. Then 2 weeks after that, his cousin “accidentally” called me off of messenger at 11 o’clock at night and when I called her back the next day to see what she wanted, it took her a week to respond to me and say her grandkids was playing on her phone. I deleted her off of that social media account, I felt she was lying; you have to go on my page to call me on messenger. Its been over 3 more months since we talked. It hurts my feelings, from time to time when I think about it, so I have good days and bad days . I just been working on myself. I beat myself up for letting my guard down, I thought he was different, but everyday I wake up, I’m thankful for what is surrounded by me, my family and friends. Thanks for comments.

  16. Alex

    November 19, 2020 at 3:58 am

    I’ve been dating my ex for almost eight years now and she broke up with me, due to the fact of me being insecure. So we still live together and during the whole covid thing we started to get close again, but she never wanted to actually commit because she would always tell me I dont know what I want. Just last week she did it again where she wanted to commit then all of a sudden she starts to ignore my messages and phone calls when shes out. Then decides to tell me she doesnt feel the same, so I told her I need my space and that I would reach out to her when I’m available again. She then proceeds to text me the following day “I dont want to completely lose you out of my life”. Should I continue no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2020 at 5:33 pm

      Yes Alex 100% do a no contact! She is treating you like an option right now and you need her to worry that you are no longer willing to be one

  17. Asis

    November 6, 2020 at 5:34 am

    Hy we were dating since 2 months but he liked me since 1 year nd finally when we were in a relation everything was soo good. There were fights sometimes but not so serious fights. We used to talk daily . He really loved me so much . I dont know what happened but he he was so disturbed one day due to some family problem nd broke up i pleased him but he said no i cant then blamed me for fights nd other things now since 2 nd a half week i am in a no contact nd he messaged me once nd called me twice but i did nt answered what should i do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 7, 2020 at 3:28 pm

      Hi Asis, continue your No Contact for 30 days and keep working on yourself

  18. Shamz

    November 5, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    I was dating this guy for three months we useto talk day in and day out and one day we had a fight and it was a huge fight and he completely disappeared and he has blocked me on social media and number is off to and I don’t know what to do and he just called me once saying he wants to end everything so what does it mean will he talk to me or I should just accept a no and move on but I really have feelings for him as we were friends before we started dating.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 5, 2020 at 7:18 pm

      Hi Shamz, attempt to follow a No Contact for a short while (21 days) and reach out to see if he responds positively or not.

  19. Sarah

    October 12, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    Hi I was dating someone over 2 months but we were talking everyday and seeing each other multiple times a week and everything was amazing. A week ago he broke up with me saying he needs to be single right now to figure out his life as he’s approaching 40. We agreed to take a break for a month and not talk as I said I didn’t want to be friends. I’m one week into NC, do you think we will realize he lost someone good for him?

  20. anna

    October 12, 2020 at 7:04 am

    Hi there. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago and then wanted us to stay just friends. This continued for couple of weeks until i decided to use the no contact rule. I ignored him completely on social media and also his texts. After two weeks he texted me using an unknown number. I didn’t know who it was so i answered and he got really angry because that made him sure that i was ignoring him on purpose. He sent me long texts and the told me He blocked me from everywhere because he found what i did to him disrespectful. Again i didn’t answer any of those messages. When i checked, he had already blocked me on every social media but twitter. He only unfollowed me on twitter so now, the direct message of twitter was the only way left i could contact him. After a couple of hours he blocked me from twitter too. Can you please tell me if His reaction is normal or if im donig this no contact thing wrong? And what should i do ? :(((

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:35 pm

      Hi Anna, yes his reaction is normal because he does not like the fact that you are ignoring him and not willing to be his friend from the break up. You will be unblocked eventually so just keep going as you are

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