71 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”

  1. Avatar


    June 29, 2019 at 12:53 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for about 2 years and 10months. He broke up with me about 2months ago. I started NC after 1 month of begging and pleading. Today is 19th day of NC. I am focusing now on my growth and well being. I am not expecting him to come back since he is very firm with his decision and even told me that we are never getting back together. He deleted all pictures of us from all social media. I am moving on now. Hahaha

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    Jon Barrington

    June 24, 2019 at 2:03 am

    Me and my ex were kind of in this limbo phase of us seeing each other on and off weekly after a few breakups and arguments. She is moving away for work in 5 weeks when her college semester was up and I think it put a lot of strain on both of us.

    We both still had feelings for each other and hung out weekly. Initially she broke things off with me because she was feeling overwhelmed and then came back to me a week or so later saying she wanted to get back together. I told her I wanted take things slow and not jump back into something so quickly and just focus on having fun and enjoying each other’s company while she was still in town for the time being. She agreed and understandably, kind of became a little more distant.

    One night she texted me a long message about how I was someone she absolutely adores more then anyone she has ever met and cares about she said she wanted to spend as much time as possible together while she’s here but wanted us to both have the freedom to do what we feel is best. So I set a date and we went out for drinks.

    I was showing her something on snapchat and she say several snaps that I sent to friends and she saw a message a few other women had sent me. I did not realize and it was an absolute rookie mistake, the reality is I don’t want anything from these girls. I have been seeing a few other people only because I did not want to let myself become emotionally hung up on my ex but would never want to rub it in her face. She assumed I was dating and actively pursuing several other women and became upset and asked me to drop her off.

    On the car ride home I told her that she was the only women I wanted and that I wanted to get back together if she did not like it that I was talking to other girls. She did not answer that and left.

    3 days later after not hearing from her I reached out via phone call and asked her what was going on. She said she can’t jump back into a relationship with me but she can’t see me if I’m seeing other girls. She said she wasn’t happy with herself and that she did not want to “drag me around with her shit”.

    So i did not get mad or upset but I told her that I wasn’t interested in being friends or not romantic and to call me when she figured out whatever she needed to figure out. 3 days later on a Thursday night she texted me at 11:45pm asking if I was up. I wasn’t awake and in the morning I texted her back and said,”have you figured out what you needed to figure out?”

    She responded yes, and that she was just a little overwhelmed. I said ok, and asked her when she was free to get together. She said she was leaving in the morning to go on a weekend vacation with her family and asked if it would be cool if she let me know once she got back. I agreed to this as I also had plans to leave town that weekend to visit a buddy. I told her I was leaving this weekend also and to just let me know and we would set something up when she got back. She said great and I went about my business and did not contact her at all.

    Anyway, that weekend my buddy canceled our plans so I winded up staying in town. I decided to go to the bar with my old roommates who’s a girl, her boyfriend and her girlfriends. When I was out at the bar I saw my ex’s best friend and roommate and went over to say hi gave them a hug and enjoyed the rest of the night did not say more then that.

    Bottom line is my ex’s friends saw me leave the bar with 4 girls they don’t know. I am 100% positive they told my ex who thought I was supposed to be out of town for the weekend. I haven’t heard back at all from my ex whatsoever. She is not the type of girl to say she’s going to get back to me and not do so. It’s been about 11 days since she first reached back out.

    Now I don’t know what to do. She’s probably upset but really I dint do anything wrong. Should I contact her or should I just leave her be? Please help.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 24, 2019 at 3:01 pm

      Probably best to give her some more space, up to days. Then reach out to her in the way I teach in my Program

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    June 23, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I was in a long term situationship. I decided to leave because I am looking for more commitment.
    I won’t lie, I love this man. Now on day 12 of no contact. What would be your advice to women in my situation?
    Thanks so much!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 23, 2019 at 7:57 pm

      Hi Caroline…i will press forward with NC, but make sure you put your focus on “you” and your full recovery and personal growth. Take a look at my Program – EBR Pro Bundle – for more insights into this whole process.

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    June 22, 2019 at 12:40 am

    My ex sent me a message on FB on the 14th day after complete radio silence … and before i could see it he had “removed it” except FB tells you “X removed a message” and time stamped. I don’t think it was an accident his phone is always blowing up he would’ve had to scroll a fair way down his list of hoes he’s been messaging to even find our convo from 2 weeks ago. What is the psychology behind this even? What a weirdo? Coward? What did he hope to achieve with this? I ignored all of this btw. My friends and I have started betting on when he will finally reach out to pass the time hahaha at this time I’m still winning cause he removed his message before i could see it.

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    June 20, 2019 at 5:59 am

    Can NC rule have the same effects after 2 months passed since the break up and we talked every day for that 2 months. First he left me on read on which i reacted and he responded and i ended up not responding to him on the last 3 messages which was 3 days ago. Can it have the same effect even though we talked about the break up and had positive conversations during those 2 months with him being hot and cold, jealous and caring, flirty and then also rude and distant.

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    June 19, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    Sigh…I’ve read a few of the comments here but my situation seems different from the rest. You see, I’ve been a born again Christian since the age and throughout those years, I didn’t receive guidance about relationships and dating and had to figure it out on my own. For me its just been a pattern of failed relationships, most of them ended with me being dumped after like 3 months suddenly.

    However, I was in a 4-year relationship with someone who is also a Christian but we were both spiritually immature when we got together, our history is very complicated and after a while I grew unhappy and realized he wasn’t the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (there were other factors, disagreements, unmutual feelings, and personal issues on both ends) so I walked away.

    My second longest and recent relationship was the best one. He was a real gentleman, very respectful and supportive , showed interest from the start and we connected instantly and had so much in common. Our relationship was easy. I thought finally, this is what I’ve been searching for and I finally have it. We shared so many wonderful moments together. We met each others families and got along with them very well. We were together for 9 months and did not argue once (scary). I thought a lot about what my future would be like with him and at first it didn’t seem all that bad. I knew from the start that he didn’t have a personal relationship with God like I do and I wasn’t in the same place spiritually when I decided to go for it with him versus to where I am now. I did tell him from the beginning about my relationship with God and where I stood and he was okay with that. Throughout the relationship, there was something in me that kept pointing out our differences in faith. I kept pushing away those feelings and worries for a while (first mistake). I know I should’ve talked to him the first time it happened. I also should have made the effort to invite him into that part of my life but I didn’t want to pressure him. By the time my feelings got more intense about this matter, I not only realized that my expectations for marriage and family changed (i.e having a husband who also has a relationship with God and raising my children in the church) but I panicked at the realization that while there’s only a 50% chance he might accept Jesus into his heart, there’s also that 50% that he won’t and our relationship would grow to become difficult. By the time I was ready to tell him about my feelings and concerns, I was already convinced that we weren’t going to work. So I told him everything and that was the first time we really opened up to each other. He said he wanted to work things out but I didn’t think it was fair to continue the relationship and risk hurting him even more later. So I broke it off and have felt devastated ever since. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I love him and miss him so much.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 19, 2019 at 10:58 pm

      Hi L.S…your focus should now being on your healing, recovery, and personal growth.

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    June 11, 2019 at 9:41 pm

    Gf and I dated few years ago and recently reconnected. Everything was absolutely fireworks for a couple months. talks of the future, family etc. then she got cold out of nowhere. She was married for 7 ish years and been divorced for a few years, but on and off with him all since. Eventually said she couldn’t commit 100 to anyone as much as she tried. Trying the whole no contact cause there was something real there and all our friends saw it and even said it was totally different. Just scared? Thanks

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    June 11, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    Hi Chris, I was with my ex for 5 years but 3 months ago he suddenly called it off and moved back to his hometown. He had been suffering from bad depression for 6 months and stopped work and things were up and down with us because of it but I was always very supportive and right until the end he told me he loved me though sometimes would be uncontactable for weeks at a time because of his depression, saying he wanted to be alone. We didn’t live together.
    For the first month I sent a lot of texts and begged etc, all the things not to do and he barely replied. Then I bought your program which made a lot of sense and started No Contact, I just totally stopped all texts. After 2 1/2 weeks he phoned me and we had a long chat, just about what we were both up to, nothing heavy. And he invited me to visit him once he was set up in his new house, he is an hours plane ride away. I said to let me know when. A week later I didn’t hear from him and asked if I was still invited, he said yes he was just getting settled in. I started to worry so chased him a bit more and maybe put too much pressure on. Sending more texts and saying to let me know if he had changed his mind or had met someone. He replied eventually to say he would let me know when but wanted to be alone for a while.
    That was 3 weeks ago and last week I got a text to say he needed to go his own way. I replied but have not gotten any answer. His depression is still there, should I go no contact again?

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    Sarah Klump

    June 10, 2019 at 3:25 pm

    My fiancé and I have been in a long distant relationship for 5 years. We were dating for three and engaged for two. He is in the military and was recently sent to a station where he is out on the boat for two months at a time. When he is gone, our only form of communication is email. He told me for the past 6 months how lonely it is and that he needs me there in the same city, even though he knows that’s not possible because I have children of my own and live in a different state. I caught him talking to another girl in the military and they have been “hanging” out filling that loneliness void. He says they are “just friends” but I don’t believe it. To top it all off he has yet to get a divorce from his first wife who he has been separated from for 7 years. He was suppose to be getting a divorce since we met. I told him I could no longer make time for him especially when he can’t even get this divorce I’ve been asking him to get. He says he needs to time to think and put his life in order and is going to get the divorce and make things right but all of those are just words to me. He’s perfect in every way, except he can’t get the divorce and makes every excuse not to. I know he doesn’t love her or want to be with her, but seems like a commitment thing which is really weird considering her proposed to me! I mean why ask me if you’re divorced isn’t finalized. What should I do? Ignore him? See if he really means what he says and takes action? I’m so confused! Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 10, 2019 at 4:52 pm

      Hi Sarah…I think you should hold to what you told him about making time for him for his failure to carry thru with settling things with is marital situation. Perhaps some space and time will help him put things in better perspective about what is important.

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    June 9, 2019 at 4:41 am

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend and I were dating for 6 years (living together for the last 3). We broke up a week ago. We didn’t fight and he’s been very attentive to me when I’ve needed anything from him during this transition process. I have been doing NC for 4 days now…I haven’t heard anything from him 🙁
    The problem we have is…
    He says he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore even though he thinks I’m beautiful and that everything is great when we are intimate. Early on in our relationship he was unfaithful and I reacted very desperate and needy. I think that’s when the intimacy issue began and we’ve never really recovered fully.
    Everything else about our relationship is amazing. We are intimate in other ways and he is my best friend. We do everything together and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.
    He was recently planning to propose and got cold feet because he is scared that this issue might mess up our marriage someday and cause us to divorce. He says he needs space and that maybe losing me will make him feel like I’m the one. I’m moving into a new apartment this week and I’m terrified. Do you have any advice that could help turn this around?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 9, 2019 at 12:24 pm

      Hi Dana….sometimes giving each other some space is the right move and No Contact can be the right pathway. There are many elements in doing right and so feel free to explore my site or pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”

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    June 8, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Is blocking him on fb a no contact strategy..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 9, 2019 at 2:21 am

      Not really Wendy…I am not a fan of blocking. No contact is about so many other things Check out my Program – EBR PRo – for more details

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    June 8, 2019 at 1:54 am

    FOURTEEN years together (not married) and he started acting strange, pulling away emotionally and physically. I asked what was wrong, what did I do> why are you acting so strange and he responded with “nothing, we both know this has been going south for a long time.” I didn’t know any such thing, I love him so much, He won’t give me an answer to why he is tossing me aside like a piece of trash all of a sudden out of the blue. Everyone is in shock!! He told his sister he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Just walked away like I never existed in his life. Ripped my heart out. It’s only been a week and I sit on the couch shaking and just trying to understand, can’t eat, can’t sleep. ( we don’t live together) HELP ME 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 8, 2019 at 1:12 pm

      Hi Patty….you are going to get thru this. Visit my website and read some of my posts and check out some of my Podcasts about personal recovery as that should be your focus now.

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    June 4, 2019 at 6:18 am

    PLEASE HELP ME! My ex and I have been broken up for almost 5 months now. We talk everyday, still hookup and he says he cares for me still but in a different way. He broke up with me because he said I was too controlling and didn’t love our 1yo son (he was SN, I had a mental breakdown when he was born so he now lives with my ex’s mother.). 🙁 Is it even possible for me to get him back? He’s offered for my other 2yo son and me to move in with him, so we’re not living at my parents. Idk what to do. I’m still madly in love with him. He still takes me out when he has money but he’s been adamant about not wanting a relationship with me and gets angry with me if I get “sappy” or send him things in relation to our past history. 🙁 Is it even possible for me to get him back!? I miss our relationship and how sweet he was to me. He’s been so back and forth with his emotions since we broke up. He’s not sleeping with or dating anyone new. Should I start the no contact rule? I desperately need help. He said he planned on proposing to me but after our second son was born all of that went away. :’( HELP!

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    June 3, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    Hi there, my boyfriend and i split up 2 weeks ago and it’s been a week and a bit since I last seen him. Both of us have broken the no contact rule, me once and him 4 times. We broke up due to his mental health and we were together just under a year and treated each other really well. We were and are head over heels. Then with one phonecall it all came crashing down. I’m wondering as he has no support system to get him through what he’s suffering with should I continue no contact, or text him every few weeks so he knows I’m here and that he’s not alone? We both want it to work but he’s hurting and it can’t work right now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 3, 2019 at 3:18 pm

      Hi Bree…perhaps a little space – then checking in….then give some more space….then check in. Then re-evaluate where things are.

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    June 2, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Hi Chris. Ive done my NC only for 5 days until my ex reached out to me. The first time i didn’t respond, but i did the second time around. He insisted on being friends, but after he ditched me when he said he would go out with me for a coffee, i became angry, so i told him not to talk to me again, cause i realised that being friends would be too painful for me. What should i do now? Thanks, Chris.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 2, 2019 at 5:02 pm

      It best to tame that anger as you don’t need to go thru that pain. Returning to NC would likely be best move

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    May 31, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me earlier this week. He said that after being able to be home for awhile after school was over, he realized that his mental/emotional issues weren’t going away as he hoped and that my anxiety was making things worse for him. He said that he’s not feeling anything about anything because of these issues. He doesn’t think that both of our issues can be resolved within the relationship. I asked if he would ever change his mind and he said that he wouldn’t since he put a lot of thought into his decision and doesn’t see another way of things working. I wanted to try to work on things while still in the relationship but he doesn’t want to try that and end up resenting each other (taken from his last experience in a relationship where they tried to fix themselves in the relationship) because he rather end it now and be able to move back into a friendship since that’s what we were before. I know that i want him in my life and while i rather get him back, if that doesn’t work I’ll eventually become okay with just staying friends. We’ve been in contact everyday since the breakup because he said that he’d answer questions about his decision and things. It’s also extremely hard to not talk to him and he ends up just not replying because the conversations can go until he normally falls asleep, but he doesn’t say anything he just never responds until the next day after i ask him or bring up something else. I don’t know if NC will work in this case since i want him back but we also want to stay as friends. Will trying NC and trying to get him back work? Will it ruin any chance of becoming friends if getting him back won’t work? I don’t want to ignore him (though he hasn’t been the one reaching out) and ruin any chance of him being in my life. I want him in my life, but i want to have him back.

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    May 30, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    My fiance and I were together 2.75 years (according to his calculations). He broke up with me at the end of 12/18 and we are separated and living in different states right now. He complained that I was yelling too much (which I insist were during specific times of stress in 2018) and thought that I would continue doing it the rest of my life. I have already apologized and tried to explain to him that I will change and keep my voice down and explained what he did to contribute to the stress – which includes not taking my concerns seriously and pressuring me. Since then, when I tried to work things out on the phone he would just go into loops and say that I have have to fix the relationship. It’s been 5 months, most of which he has been angry and dismissive. At this point, I feel my only recourse to go no contact and it’s been 8 days – starting 2 days before his birthday (he didn’t wish me one and was rude around mine). He leaves for a long international trip in one month. I can visit him before then, in his state, where I lived and have to return to work there or a nearby state, but not sure what to do now or which state to work in.

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    May 29, 2019 at 7:42 pm

    My ex boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me a few days ago. Unfortunately I tried to beg for him back and nothing worked. He says he needs space and Is certain that he will never come back to the relationship. I’ve started the no contact rule and are only 1 day into it, but do you have any tips or any ideas on how to make this work? I’m just terrified of it failing, and I love him alot.

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    Cynthia Rose

    May 29, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    My boyfriend said he doesn’t feel a connection or feel compatible with me anymore. He still looks at my stories on Snapchat, but we haven’t talked since our break up a few days ago. I was thinking about the no contact rule and if it would work in this case. Because I don’t want him to completely lose every feeling for me. We were fighting the last week before the breakup and he stopped talking to me. Then, he ended things saying that. I begged for him at first, but I’ve been trying no contact for 3 days now. Should I continue NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 29, 2019 at 11:01 pm

      Hi Cynthia…i think it would be a good idea to continue NC. IF you have not picked up my Program (EBR PRO Bundle), then you should give is some careful consideration as i go through this whole ex recovery process in a comprehensive manner.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 29, 2019 at 11:01 pm

      Hi Cynthia…i think it would be a good idea to continue NC. IF you have not picked up my Program (EBR PRO Bundle), then you should give is some careful consideration as i go through this whole ex recovery process in a comprehensive manner.

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    May 29, 2019 at 7:02 pm

    Hi Chris
    I’ve been dating a man who lives 3 hrs from me. He has false excuses and I’ve called him on them several times. He turns it around and gets mad at me. I always apologize cuz it’s just easier. Today I told him I’ve had enough of his lame excuses. He recently started disappearing and then w/o me asking or expecting, he comes up w/a reason that makes no sense. I told him he owes me no reason as we’ve just started dating. He turns things around, yells over texts that he doesn’t need to report to me?? And that I need to check myself. I replied w/this isn’t worth it & I give up so bye. Being laid off temporarily I know he is under stress. He has a great side but it left w/his job. Do you think NC would work for us? Or am I wasting time on my 60yr old guy who is just wanting to plant his oats in many fields lol

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 29, 2019 at 11:02 pm

      Hi Curious…I think you should see the NC process thru to the end. Pick up my Program if you have not done so already so you are up to speed on this whole process!

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