Learn Exactly What Your Ex Is Feeling During The No Contact Rule

263 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”

Rachel

March 6, 2020 at 3:05 am

Hi, need some advice. Just BU with my ex bf of 10 mths and I had actually cheated emotional on him about my previous ex. He found out and furious but we patched things and I promised him of total transparency as well as repented. He got furious again after he found out I was still texting my ex as a friend. We got back again and things was going smooth and happy suddenly he just broke up with me 2 weeks ago saying he can’t do this anymore and he dont trust me. I had been on NC with him for 2 weeks, should I contact him after 30 days and do you think we stand a chance after breaking up for the 3 times?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 10, 2020 at 10:55 pm

Hi Rachel I think your ex would need the space to get over the hurt that was caused but if you do start trying to get him back you need to make sure that you are not involved with the other ex at all, and that must stay that way or you may lose them a second time through trust. Make sure that you read articles about gaining trust after cheating even though it was only emotional cheating.

Yaz

March 5, 2020 at 12:32 pm

Hi there , so my ex and I broke up 6 months ago and we have fought about it for months. He is in denial about the role he played in the breakup and at times when I am hurt I bring it up. Since then we dont speak as much but once a month we meet up and the past two times we were intimate, only for him to ignore me for a week again , start a conversation and then ignore me again..

I’m on day 6 of no contact after we had a massive fight and he told me to not even bother talking to him and he will talk to me when he can. He has texted me twice since then , the first time when he commented on my post and the second time sending me a meme that said ‘be gone thot’ we are adults and the fact that he is acting like a kid is ridiculous , I feel like he did this to get a reaction from me .
Note* I’m 25 and he is 22

Is he doing this out of anger and should I continue the no contact rule?

I would really appreciate a reply , thanks.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 11:56 am

Hi Yaz, definitely continue the No contact as you are falling into a bad pattern where you are going to end up in a friends with benefits, just less of the friends by the sounds of things. He thinks that when he wants you he can get you. Set that record straight! *Also dont forget it takes guys a LOT longer to grow up 😉

Mike

February 25, 2020 at 8:06 am

Me and my girlfriend were early in our relationship, just talked by text and snapchat for 2 months, then about 3 months of regularly hanging out on the weekends. Everything was going great but the past 2 weeks she had gotten cold. Longer response times, less interest in what i was doing. Yesterday she told me that she had an old ex (longer than a year ago) had contacted her and that they were going to get back together. This was days before a planned trip and just before my birthday. I didn’t get overly emotional and over react on the phone or texting but I did write a one page letter with some significant memories that led to my feelings for her. Then wished her the best. Beginning NC now. She doesnt use any social media accounts aside from snapchat which i unfriended her on, telling her that I needed space for now. When should I add her back on snapchat? Does adding her back violate no contact if i don’t message her? Also her birthday is about a month from now. If she has or if she hasnt reached out, should I maintain no contact until after her birthday? Avoid sending a happy birthday text?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 2, 2020 at 11:04 pm

Hi Mike, so we do not send birthday texts, extend the no contact if it ends near the birthday date

rohit

February 19, 2020 at 7:35 am

hey, my gf ignored me for 2 months and then broke up with me. We are in LDR. Now i’m in NC with her for past 35 days. on 22nd day she messaged me to take care of my self and on 27th day she wishes valentines to me and from past 1 week she put emotional love statuses on whatsapp. What should i do? Should i wait? or should i approach her?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 19, 2020 at 9:15 pm

Hi Rohit, did you ignore the messages that she had send to you? If so then you can reach out when you reach day 45 of No contact with a text that Chris suggests

Kylie T

February 17, 2020 at 12:58 pm

Hi,

Yes it’s couples therapy. Tho I’m not quite sure what we’re going for now. He doesn’t want to get back together but says that he’s going in with an open mind just to hear what the counselor has to say. I’m afraid that this joint counseling might do more harm than good (in terms of him having full closure and moving on and ending this chapter that we have; and hence affecting the progress that I want to take after NC is done). He’s already disinvested in the relationship. What should I do??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 17, 2020 at 8:45 pm

Hi Kylie, I suggest that you too go into the therapy with an open mind and follow the advise of the therapist if he/she is making you talk to your ex in a controlled environment to stop the fall outs and the blaming game. If you stop going to couples therapy and your ex is not wanting to get back together, then I suggest you start folllowing this program. When you are not at therapy though I do suggest you limit the amount you speak to your ex just to give him time and space away from you to process his own feelings and thoughts. Hopefully with that time apart he starts to miss you and therapy works for you both. Good luck! And come back and let me know what happens please 🙂

Kylie T

February 17, 2020 at 3:47 am

Hi,

If my ex and I broke up 24 days ago, and I’ve only started the NC rule 4 days ago, does this article still apply? We’re still meeting in 2 days’ time for a joint counseling session.. 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 17, 2020 at 10:22 am

Hi Kylie yes it does still apply, just make sure you stick to no contact. If you are going to counselling sessions is this couples therapy? Obviously in that case it would be limited no contact.

Dee

January 11, 2020 at 12:57 pm

Hi,

I have recently completed a 30 day no contact rule with my ex. He untagged himself in every photo of us on Instagram besides one from my profile and one from his mom’s. What could this behavior mean?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:54 pm

Hey Dee, this is an emotional reaction

Renesme

December 16, 2019 at 7:25 am

Hi Chris!
I started the no contact right after the break up, but since we still live together its pretty hard.
My ex is away on work quite alot so that gives me time to work on myself and keep doing NC.
However, when my ex came home after being away for almost two weeks he was angry and called me childish for ignoring him while he was gone.
I tried to not have a discussion about it, but like i said, its hard when we live together. He has since then not spoken to me and its been 5 days now and he is away working again.
Do you still think I should hang in there?
Thank you for a great blog chris

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 11:23 pm

Still go him calling you childish is an angry reaction to you taking away his freedom of being able to speak to you when he wants to. Keep working on yourself, to your advantage of living together and him workign away when he comes back and youve worked on yourself some you are goign to be more confident, happier, looking good and having an amazing social life he is going to worry that you have moved on already 😉

Michelle

December 9, 2019 at 5:05 am

So my ex boyfriend dumped me 3 times, the 1st time I begged him to take me back and he immediately did out off pity because I was writing my exam, on the day I finished writing he told me that he can’t do it anymore and really wants to breakup again I begged and pleaded but he was adamant about his decision and I respect that after 9 years of being together I was heart broken I mean I was saving to buy new furniture for us to start ourlives together. Guess I was the only one making future plans. After 2 weeks of begging and pleading I went no contact for about 4 months with no Hope’s of breaking the Contract, during this 4 months he started showing up at my place, my job and even driving past my place on another hand I had began working on myself but he only made minor changes we decided to give it another shot, he claimed the reason we broke up was that the wasn’t In a good financial state for us to get married and have a kid which is something i know I’ve been pestering him about for about half a year. 2 months later he dumped me again saying that I messed things up by wanting commitment knowing his financial situation its funny that I didn’t mind it I knew we would be able to get through the financial wars we have been facing and after working on myself I realized that if u love someone support them and stand by them. I didn’t bring up the marriage and baby issue since we got back together but that was not good enough he just couldn’t bring himself to forgiving me and moving on or even working on our relationship as always. When he ended things I was exhausted emotionally and I knew that begging him to stay again was not something I wanted I let him to and Cut contact with him immediately. I love him and I know he loves me but I think there are some issues that he needs to deal with on his own and work on himself, his business and goals alone before we can give us a chance which I think it’s still possible. Do you think no contact will be a Good idea again.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2019 at 8:02 pm

Hi Michelle, yes you can do No Contact, but it is going to have to be solid, NOTHING from you the entire 45 days and you do not reply to him, you do not respond to anything, do not answer phone calls, do not even open his stories. Literally NOTHING WHAT SO EVER. During which time you need to read up on the Ungettable that Chris speaks about and apply this to your life. Where you can improve factors to be the best version of yourself but also that you make him realise you are the best person hes going to get.

Coco

October 27, 2019 at 9:41 am

My ex and I broke up our engagement due to a lot of arguments. We love each other. And he always until the end told me he loves me. The last contact we had was a fight and after saying hurtful things to each other he left the house by saying that this is over between us.after 3 weeks of constant arguing.

We are fed up of arguing but we still love each other. We left each other on the 26th of October. But we decided that he will keep our place that is rented under my name. I would really like to start the no contact rule right away but in less then 4 days the rent is due. I know he will contact me. But what if I start the No contact rule after the lease transfer. It means he will contact me in about 3,4 days and I would have to stay in contact with him until the transfer is done. It would take about a week, so almost 14 days into break up. I In this case, I would have to start the No Contact rule after two weeks into the breakup?

Will the no contact rule work?

Thank you for all your articles.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 3:22 pm

Hi Coco so what you need to do is limited NC which is where you only speak to your ex about bills or commitments as that but your to the point short but polite.

NorwasianColoradan

October 18, 2019 at 3:33 pm

Day #8 of No Contact with my EX who broke up with me 9 days ago on October 9, 2019. It was a cordial breakup. No fighting or arguing. I kind of saw it coming due my EX being distant and pulling back a lot the last couple weeks. So it was not a surprise, but I was still shocked. We had dated for almost 5 months and considered ourselves an exclusive couple for about a month.

She came over to my apartment on the 9th and told me she could not do this anymore. She did not want to be in a relationship and needed to be alone. She needed to focus her time on her 16 year old daughter and her friends. She said she tried to balance and give time to everyone but felt that she was neglecting her daughter and friends. She felt that she did not feel the same for me that I felt for her. She could no longer pretend and just needed to be alone.

I did not argue with her. I had packed her stuff and put it in the kitchen when she texted me that she wanted to come over to my apartment. She never did that before, we usually talked on the phone to make arrangements. So I knew that she was coming over to breakup. So, I gave her stuff back including her fan. She said I could keep it. I said I prefer you to take it since it is yours. She started to cry and then walked out the door and I told her,”Thanks for the fun times,” and softly closed the door and locked it. Started to cry.

Within minutes of her leaving, I texted her and told her I understand and accepted the breakup. I told her that I hope that after time and healing that we could continue to be friends. I also told her that I hope her daughter figures things out.

I did not hear from her until the next day, October 10, 2019. She sent me a long text about her daughter not needing to go into the eating disorder unit. She also complimented me being a patient and thoughtful boyfriend and all the good memories she will remember and apologized that it had to end. I texted her back soon after and told her I understood and appreciated her letting me know about her daughter since I was worrying about her and her daughter. I relayed some positive memories as well. I reiterated that at some point I would like to be friends but needed time to heal. I told her take care at the end of the message. After sending the message I told myself that I needed to have No Contact with her. So I accepted that I would not text her back no matter what until I was ready.

On Saturday night, October 12, 2019, she texted me to let me know about a mutual friend who ran a good race and who I had lent my hydration pack to. She then went on to say that she would grab my pack at the next run club, wash it, and drop it off to me when convenient. Then she told me she thought I wanted to hear about an up and coming trail runner and ended the text with “take care” (mimicking what I ended mine two days before that).

I did not reply to her text and have been in No Contact since October 10th when I told myself No Contact. I have done the social media stalking thing and only liked her running activities through the 10th other than that, no contact. She has liked most of my running activities and liked a bunch of them through the 14th. I know she is doing her same run club routine during the week. I do want her to be happy and I want me to be happy.

I do not see us being together long term. She has a lot of baggage. Some context about her and I.

* She separated from her now EX-husband who moved out in Feb 2018
* Her divorce was finalized December 23, 2018
* She has a 16 year old daughter who has bulimia nervosa and has restarted purging about a month ago and has lost 8 lbs in the last year. Thus, the eating disorder unit scare. Her daughter went through a series of medical appointments prior to Ex breaking up with me and one physical after she broke up with me on the 10th. Her daughter also experiences depression.
* She has anxiety disorder so everything is amplified and is nervous and worries a lot of the time about everything.

There are many great things about her and we did connect intellectually and lots of sexual chemistry and shared interests. Not enough when the emotional connection was difficult to maintain. Lesson learned though that it is highly risky dating a recent divorcee with a teenage daughter with a lot of issues outside the normal teenage zone of issues. I will stick to divorcees of over 5 years. And preferably older kids with limited to no issues. I was very patient and understanding of my EX. I could see how emotionally drained she got and she really did try to balance everyone in her life. But I am the last in her life, and first to be disposed.

Thanks for reading.
FellingBetter

October 3, 2019 at 9:28 am

I am 6 days in No Contact. My ex broke up with me after 8 months of dating. We went through a long period of arguing during the relationship and he had felt we was not compatible. I can agree we did argue alot and the relationship was plummeting but I also feel breaking up was the easier option. To start slow would of be my preference. Anyways I ended up begging him and pleaded with him for 3 weeks, slept with him twice (on his birthday and exchanging items). He still was not nudging, but he’ll say things like.. I love you … you havent lost me… I miss you… I cant sleep without you here. He always intiated physical contact. He still has photos of me on his social media and his family are still in contact with me. I honestly, tried to please him and make him happy with whatever he wanted. To the point were I was basically just someone he wanted to have “fun” with. He knew my heart and how I felt about him. Cried for 3 weeks straight telling him how much I love him. This was messing me up… affected my phyiscal and mental health. Finally I asked him straight do you want to work this out or not. He said no. So I intiated NC. He contacted me 3 days in and just repeated himself in saying he feels we aren’t right for eachother. I didn’t respond. He is a very stubborn man and will honestly stick to his guns. I’m hoping this NC will help me either way. Either I get him back and we work on a better relationship which I know we will have, because other than the arguing we was really great. It was fun, good energy and love. Or I learn how to be good without him. I honestly think he saying we aren’t compatible because of the arguing and he finding ways to justify his choice. I believe he still loves me but just finding it hard to admit to it. I have started to do the things for bettering myself whilst doing NC(not constantly at home thinking about him) going gym, attempts to better my career, hanging out with friends& keeping busy. I am alot better now then I was 3 weeks ago. But do you guys still suggest NC in attempts to get him back will work?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 3, 2019 at 10:23 pm

Hey Felling, so yes I do suggest a NC and a full 30 days minimum, and work on yourself during that time. Learning to be happy with out him in your life is needed regardless if you want him back or not. You also need to address the reasons you were always arguing because those reasons can come back if you were to get back together to then break up again because you and he haven’t sought out the issues for the fall outs.

Maxwell

September 18, 2019 at 5:59 am

Hi Chris , I was married for 5 years and we have two beautiful twin boys, although we had many difficulties in our marriage and we separated in March 2019 that’s when she told me that it was over, but were still living together until the 15th of September 2019 that’s when I moved out to my new apartment and i started no contact the next day I moved out. I told her that I need some time to work on myself and to recover
Is there a way I should apply the no contact when we have kids that are living with her?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 19, 2019 at 8:35 am

Hi Maxwell, so you need to apply whats called “Limited No Contact” where you only speak about your joint responsibilities (in your case the children, pick up and drop offs, any joint bills). There are articles on the website about this, and it is pretty easy to do. There is no need to speak to each other unless its about the welfare of the children – they’re sick for example. And you arrange a pick up and drop off schedule so you don’t need to speak about this once its agreed.

May

September 3, 2019 at 6:24 am

Hi EBR. my ex contacted me 6 days into NC with three messages:

– WTF why cant you get out of my head
– I love you!!!
– Fine dont talk to me

I didnt reply and I am now on day 8 of NC. Which stage is he in? And should I still continue with a 30 day NC if he says he loves me?
ES

August 5, 2019 at 2:32 am

Is there any information on how to handle or implement “No Contact” after a failed attempt had already occurred? My ex initiated contact with me again after a month (before I knew about No Contact), and so I didn’t handle it correctly. He asked me out to lunch, visited me at my house, and then asked me to go on a day trip with him out of town another day but he then became distant again after that. I had mentioned that it still felt one-sided. And that’s when I learned about No Contact and decided to implement it because I didn’t want to be back in a situation that wasn’t making me happy and he was Hot and Cold all of the time. He wanted to marry me at one point, but we had a disagreement and things hadn’t been the same after that.
John

July 28, 2019 at 5:02 am

Me and my ex broke up yesterday and I feel like it was kinda mutual but overall I was the main cause of the breakup. She’s said that she thinks maybe in the future we could work things out. So after looking in to it I think I want to do NC. I feel like she is the type of person who isn’t really affected too hard by breakups, usually I am the one that cracks and wants to beg her to get back with me. I thought that this may be a change of pace. She probably thinks that I am very sad and emotional right now. I Want her to realize she made a mistake. I guess what I’m asking is do these steps apply to all types of girls because I still have fear that she is just going to move on with her life. Usually she is the one with all the power because I’m a very emotional guy. I’m just unsure how things will turn out.
B

July 27, 2019 at 8:32 am

im kinda freaking out right now cause i tried to beg for my ex to come back even though he said he’s willing to stay friends. We fought a lot a week after the breakup and told me that he’s open to getting back together but at the same time he’s also open to other people. i told him that ill give him space, im doing no contact right now. I’m just worried because i feel like he’s too busy to even process the breakup. He even told me once that he wants me to forget about the relationship. Do i still have hope?
Brian

July 26, 2019 at 2:08 am

I started no contact within 5 days of the break up,I apologized and told her I respected her decision. I made it to day 17 before i broke and reached out to see if we could talk before she left for a month long vacation. You were spot on with the 2-2.5 week anger period and she obviously wasn’t receptive and called me out for deleting her on social media(I did this the day we broke up, she did it through text and thats how I reacted) I told her it was immature on my part and apologized. I also said that I wouldn’t reach out anymore but if she changes her mind to have her do so. Her response was “don’t reach out anymore, its done” I went back into no contact immediately after and today is day 18 of the second no contact. My question is does no contact work the second time around and did I screw up my chances based on the short snippet I gave you?

Chris Seiter

July 26, 2019 at 2:10 am

No Brian…just take a deep dive into my Program – EGR Pro – and follow my teachings and you will amplify your chances

Ty

July 21, 2019 at 11:23 pm

I was dating a guy for 10 months. During that time we didn’t talk about being exclusive, although he’s hinted it. We texted everyday, but didn’t see each other for nearly 1.5 months. Not knowing his true intentions, I logged back in to the dating app. I happened to flirt with one guy, who happened to be his friend. I didn’t know that was his friend, but the guy supposedly knew me. He asked me about it, and at first I denied the whole thing. It didn’t really mean anything to me. I flirted with the guy so I wouldn’t be so hung up on the one I was dating and since I wasn’t sure what the deal was with us, even though we texted. I was afraid he would get mad, hurt, and I’d lose him. He asked for some time to think, and then 4 days later, he texted me. I finally told him the truth because my conscience was nagging at me. I explained to him why and I really had no plans of meeting with the guy. He had a hard time believing that I wouldn’t have met with the guy. We texted the regular good morning messages for 2 more days, then he stopped acknowledging my texts and calls. I’ve written him a letter, took a picture of it and sent it to him via text, and still no response. His last message was he’s processing, and that’s it. I texted him again after that, and had asked if he’s just going to ignore me. When he didn’t answer, I stopped messaging. It’s been almost a week since I heard from him last. What do I do?
Gaby

July 19, 2019 at 3:32 pm

A guy and I had been talking and going out for three months. Mind you these entire three months, he was not my boyfriend, but he was my first kiss. We would go on dates every single weekend and kiss on each of them. He was sincere when he said that he liked me. And I knew that I liked him. However, every time he would go out with me, he would get his phone taken away for reasons unrelated to me. Finally, one Saturday at one in the morning, he texts me asking if I was fine with continuing what we were doing without the prospect of having a future together as a couple. I said no. That was on Saturday June 22 and I did not contact him until July 2. I called him and asked him if he was feeling better with his family, and if things were still the way they were. I explained to him my feelings and he said he felt the same way. He said the end goal was to always make things official between us. We spent another two hours FaceTiming, reminiscing about when we would go out. I made a comment saying that this could be the last time we ever spoke and he got sad and said not to say that. We haven’t spoken since that day. What should I do next?

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263 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”