Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
What Is An Avoidants Biggest Fear?
Post categories
GL
June 23, 2014 at 9:12 pm
Ok so if anyone could enlighten me…my ex likes to be a jerk.
Yesterday I was all sad and bent out of shape so I made one last ditch effort telling him what I realized about myself, I want him, blah blah blah. I finished it off with: you did this to me. (He did something pretty crappy).
His response this morning: “you keep texting me over and over, let me the f*** go!”
OK. Loud and clear. No chance. I did not text him back, ready to move on, got dates lined up (2 tonight hehe)…
Just now, after not returning his text for hours and hours, planning to not text him ever again, I get this text: “Why can’t you just leave me alone!”
What in the heck is he trying to do? Is this some BS to try to rope in a fight? Is it code for: “I miss you.” ? I mean…WHAT?
admin
June 24, 2014 at 6:46 pm
Your ex doesn’t like to be a jerk… He IS one.
Nicky
June 21, 2014 at 6:05 pm
Hey um..I’ve haven’t done this before but I really need help with understanding my ex..I don’t know if this is the right place to be because my ex has a medical condition..he is bipolar and long story short he was admitted to the clinic for hurting himself..what he told me was he was too attached..so it’s been 7months since the break up..he told me he was sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me so badly…we sorted things out but because of his condition he would start fights and after a while I would tell him to stop, he knows I still care for him a lot but still throws things in my face..and now all of a sudden he removes me off everything..we were good no fight or disagreement of any sort..I just want to know why he is doing this..our relationship was amazing and we were like best friends..but now he is so cold and harsh to me even though I’m still there to help him when he needs it but he doesn’t necessarily come to me,I understand though,I don’t need to know everything like before…but I still worry..
GL
June 23, 2014 at 9:23 pm
He has to let go of his resentment. I have this problem with my ex. I would flip out at stuff and then we would never move past it. He got better things were ok, but hepulled an a** move and I lost it again. Now he really hates me. So communicate with your ex that he needs to learn to let the anger go and forgive because it’s going to hurt your relationship again.
soujanya
June 21, 2014 at 8:01 am
Chris I was on d 11th of nc rule n my bf called me twice even though I had actually told him I needed some time off to figure things out ..since he away sailing he calls only wen he gets to port .. I din call back ..d next entire day he was online on whatsapp but he din text ..in d night around 11:40 he texted hope ur studying well since I have exams comin up next week ..n I thought bout it n rreplied back coz he obvi could see me online n ignorin seemed really mean thing to do coz even after d break up he always spoke to me n never did he tell please stop texting n I Don wanna talk n also he rarely gets net connection n ph access ..I jus kept it casuAl with studies n how’s everything kinda talk .. he still calls me baby but not once did he tell he misses me or loves me n it’s really confusing y are guys dis way š ..I din either ..he shipped out so again no net for almost 2 weeks ..wat do I do ..do I do nc all over again ..or atleast till mid July wen he comes back home coz he said he ‘ll figure things den ..I Do regret breakin nc coz it’s so painful to talk to him casually like I’m happy .. please help ..:(
Jaici
June 20, 2014 at 1:30 am
Hey Chris,
Alright so I’m gonna try and keep this as short as possible. My boyfriend broke up with me at the very end of February because we were long distance and he said he couldn’t take anymore. I understand this (Although I don’t like it) seeing as he visited me every two weeks because he was making money and I was not, so I can see how it was hard on him. I did no contact for about a month and made positive changes in my life. I got a job and began to make money, I finished my school year, I started working out. My ex ended the no contact by wishing me happy birthday in April ( I was going to end it a few days later anyways) and we have been talking ever since. He tells me he loves me still, and that he misses me, and he regrets breaking up with me and it was a dumb decision, and we met up three weeks ago and he was all over me, kissing me, holding my hand, blah blah coupley things. But then he will say things like I cant do the distance its too hard, I will never do long distance again, if we lived closer I would date you again. I have made it clear that I am willing to do most of the traveling since I am making more money than I was when we were dating but still he says he wont do it. He keeps sending me mixed signals and I don’t know what to do. When I asked him what we were doing and what we are he said friends and I said I do not treat my friends like you treat me. He once again stated that he would be with me if we lived close and I said if I move there (which I have to for school in two years) I would not date him again (Can’t date a quitter). His response to this was, I don’t know, I am confused to which I responded me too. I hate being his friend and I just don’t know if my efforts are actually working or if this is a lost cause and waste of time and I just need to give up. Should I give him an ultimatum? If so, when ? Do you have any advice? Thank you !
JS
June 19, 2014 at 8:49 am
Hi Chris,
My break up situation may be slightly different. I have been with my ex bf for 8 months. During the 6th month, he suddenly wanted to break up but we managed to mend our relationship. Yet, the 2 months following, things haven’t improved but got worse. We become more distant. We text, call and meet less. He became so cold and aloof to me. He ignored me for totally 2 weeks before the official break up over text.
So my case is like a gradual fade out instead of a sudden break up.
I wonder if getting my ex back applies to my case and does he even miss me?
Should I give up and move on or try one more time?
Please give me guidiance. Thank you!
admin
June 21, 2014 at 7:10 pm
You should only try if you really think there is long term potential with this guy.
Cat
June 17, 2014 at 7:56 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago due to him moving home (5 hours away… his idea, not mine obviously). We texted for two days after as if nothing was wrong, and on the third day I began to try to convince him to change his mind. He got upset and told me that if he was going to come back to me, he would do it because he decided it was what he wanted – not because I was guilting him into it. When he accused me of begging him to come back, my attitude completely switched and I told him we needed to stop talking.
It’s been almost two weeks since then. Usually he’s a pretty emotional guy and isn’t able to go much longer than an hour without talking to me whether or not we’re together. But this time, neither of us have made any attempt at direct contact. He’s liked a couple of my instagrams, sent me a snapchat of his cat (which I’m pretty sure was aimed at me… can’t imagine him sending that to any of his guy friends), and one night watched all of my “snapchat stories”. For the most part I’ve been holding up well, focusing on my fitness, new job, and social life. Some days I can even (almost) convince myself that I don’t know if I’d take him back if he asked me. But the last couple days it’s been hitting me harder that he I have no idea how he’s feeling or what he’s been up to.
I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance that I’m taking the correct steps and wondering if you think him checking up on me via social media/ “liking” my posts is a positive thing?
Thanks
admin
June 18, 2014 at 1:30 pm
You are taking the correct steps Cat! You might want to also check out the LDR guide.
Karen
June 17, 2014 at 11:22 am
Hi, I have just broken up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I should wait for him to come back or I should move on. He wants us to remain friends, and I can do that. But, I do want him back and we have been together for almost a year. So.. I’m not sure. I want us back together but he kept saying we are incompatible. I have always imagined our future together and this was just… I know our feelings are not that strong anymore..
Mia
June 16, 2014 at 9:53 pm
My exboyfriend and I talk all the time on the phone and in texting he is responding great but he touches me in a sexual way every time we hang out like examples are: touching my butt, my legs when I’m sitting down and puts his arm around me does that mean he just wants me back to satisfy his horniness!? How do I define the relationship!? When I confronted him about the inappropriate touching he said sorry for making you uncomfortable and he was just being an idiot. I’m LOST PLEASE HELP
admin
June 17, 2014 at 8:36 pm
Well, then he is just using you if he is touching you that way.
Ronnie
June 16, 2014 at 5:25 pm
when I met my boyfriend he was so persistent and he constantly told me he wanted me to be his gf and he was experiencing love at first sight. I’ve never fallen for a guy so fast, it usually takes months but for some reason I fell head over heels for him. we immediately became a couple. since we met we were inseparable only being away from each other when I was at school. when I graduated we were together all day everyday & night. I spent days in a row at his house only going home to get more clothes. he told me he was in love. everything was great. until his ex girl found out about me. she started to blow his phone up. I never said anything I didn’t want to sound like an nagging insecure annoying gf so we didn’t talk about it until he brought it up. he said he didn’t want to be w/ her that’s why she was an ex, I had nothing to worry about. I believed him. she started adding me on social sites. I told him n he insisted everything was still good w/ us he finally answered one of her calls n told her to stop he was in a relationship. back to normal til one day he stood me up on our plans which he never did. that night I had car troubles n needed him he wouldn’t reply. then my friend called his ex and she said she was at his house I confronted him he acted clueless that was the last time I talked w/ him until a week after I text n said I missed him. the girl replied. I haven’t spoken to him in a month n she has logged on his fb posting pictures of them. I don’t know what to do, we were “in love” we planned our future. he even proposed. and asked to move in together.. I’m so confused. should I wait Around? Im in love with him, he is the first guy I’ve been with seriously in almost 3 years because like I said I don’t fall easily. I want answers but I don’t want to be the dumb girl waiting around for a guy that doesn’t want me.
admin
June 17, 2014 at 8:27 pm
Have you tried any form of NC?
Ronnie
June 18, 2014 at 7:21 am
yes.. I haven’t contacted him in a month. So is it time to contact him? he has a new girl now.. is it possible she’s a rebound?
M.
June 16, 2014 at 1:52 pm
I did 30 days of NC. Sent him text message yesterday. No respond š I know I shouldnāt have any expectations, but Iām dissapointed. Heās so good-natured, kind etc. so I thought he would respond to my innocent textā¦ He was so sad before/during/after the brake up, felt so guilty. He told everybody it was his falut, he hurt me and fe feels terrible. He is very sensitive, he almost cried when he was breaking up with me. I was planning to go back to dance classes so I will have to see him on Thursday š
Why he is ignoring me?
Taryn
June 16, 2014 at 4:39 pm
Hey girl :]
What did your text say? Maybe you just need something more intriguing. And just stay calm about him ignoring you. There could be 1,000 reasons why he didn’t respond and it really doesn’t matter what the reason is. Just simply do what Chris always suggests. Wait another 2 weeks and try again :]
admin
June 17, 2014 at 8:22 pm
Your like my little helper Taryn!!!!
Taryn
June 18, 2014 at 3:53 am
Hehe I like to help out :]
Sahara
June 16, 2014 at 11:20 am
Hi! So my ex of 3 years and I have been broke up for 6 months and he’s been with his new girlfriend for 5 months. I did NC for 30 days after annoying him for 3 months, then started following the plan. This weekend I just kinda lost it and started saying stuff to deliberately wind him up and stuff coz he was annoying me. Last night he said not to contact him ever again. So I’m wondering should I try 90 days NC and it’ll give us time to cool down and I can send him a friendly message?
Thanks, Sahara
admin
June 16, 2014 at 2:33 pm
30 days is more than suffiecent
Sahara
June 16, 2014 at 11:23 pm
Ok thanks even though I slagged off his new girlfriend? I know I shouldn’t but I was so cross with him because we were chatting like friends and he asked if I had a new man and I said no I’ve not met anyone special yet so he said he thought I would have by now and I tried to move the conversation away and he brought up his girlfriend so I told him I love the fact my ex has downgraded which is really mean and bitchy but I was trying to avoid the subject for a reason. Do you still think 30 days or longer? And do you believe that never really means not now to a man? Thanks again
L
June 16, 2014 at 3:26 am
Hey .. I have a lot of questions on my mind ..here we all are trying to get our ex back but how do u forget d pain u have been thru for d days dey have jus left us all by ourselves ..d nights of endless crying …dreams bout him everyday ..dat stabbing pain in ur chest dat never goes away .. n d hours spent thinkin how to get him bck ..how is dat only one person in a relationship goes thru even though d other person was an equal part of it too .. n is it really possible for someone to stop loving d other in jus sometym ..So even after dis how do u Knw it won’t happen again ?? N if he was ” the one” he should have never left u alone to literally die every single day thinkin bout d memories your inside jokes d places u had been .. I’m not trying to get negative but these are things which are on my mind ..so how do u let all dis go. N start fresh ?
Taryn
June 16, 2014 at 4:59 pm
This is the exact #1 reason why Chris has us do 30 days of NC. We can’t get over the pain in a day or two. We need time. But if you spend 30 days crying and not moving on, then Yes, that pain will never go away. Chris wants us to get on with out lives. Move forward. Have fun with friends. Have a life. It’s not good for anyone to mope for days because someone broke up with us. It’s unhealthy.
I’ve done my 30 days and I can honestly say that it was hard. But it truly helped. I don’t have that pain at all anymore. I do miss the old times and the jokes and the time together, But I moved on from that. And what I am doing now is trying to build something brand new with my Ex. That is the point and purpose of this program. To build something new. Not get back what we had. Because what we had needed to be better.
Take Chris’s advice. Read every single article and truly understand each one. Get his ebook and follow it.
Chris is 100% right, in my opinion and I trust in God that Chris’s advice is legit. Take it.
In your highly emotional state, taking a step back and focusing on making yourself happy first is very important.
As far as men leaving us…. well Yes. It hurts. Why would they leave us when they love us? Why would they leave us if they are the one?
Because they do. Simply put. Because they do. Some men leave because they didn’t feel that they could provide for us well enough. They feel like they are not Man enough with what little they have. Some leave because they need to focus on feeling more like a manager first. Some leave because they want to be able to accomplish things first before going to the next level. There are so many different reasons. And most of them don’t make sense to us women. Not at all.
Men love differently than us.
They provide
They protect
They profess
And if they feel that they can’t provide for us, they don’t feel worthy of us. If they don’t feel they can protect us, they don’t feel worthy. If they aren’t in a position in their own mind to profess that we are theirs, they don’t feel worthy.
And these might be the only reasons why The Right Man would leave us.
But Chris’s articles are a way to help us get The Right Man back. Some people say that, “if they love you, they will return. If not, they never will” not true at all. Imagine if instead of following this program, we waited and waited for this right Man to com back on his own (and he could) But what if we waited and he never contacted us during our 30 days. Does that mean he isn’t the right Man? No. That just means he’s the type of Man who needs a guide. Us. He’ll need us to come to him first. After we have calmed down that is.
So trust Chris. Keep calm and do your 30 days. The right way of course. And have hope. You can do it! That pain will go away, if you take care of it correctly
:]
admin
June 17, 2014 at 8:23 pm
Thanks for the assist!
Taryn
June 18, 2014 at 3:53 am
You’re welcome!
L
June 18, 2014 at 6:04 pm
Aww thanks taryn !! That’s pretty intense wat u have put out Der .. so yes I shall patiently finish my nc n keep my hopes alive n trust dat everything happens for dat best š
Taryn
June 20, 2014 at 8:11 pm
Yay!!!!! You’re welcome :] That’s what I love to hear. I hope for the best!
admin
June 18, 2014 at 1:50 pm
Keep it up! Love it when you get involved.
admin
June 16, 2014 at 2:25 pm
Impossible to forget it in a day. It just takes time…
Lo
June 18, 2014 at 2:13 am
Hey Chris so can friends really influence ur guys decision to get back ? Like my guy is talkin to dis gal whom he calls jus fronds ..he got to Knw her thru his best friends n she gets along well with all my guys friends ..I have met dem only couple of tyms n I’m an introvert ..so do u think dey ‘ll want him to date her instead coz she is more fun n going n also hangs out with dem ..n also do his friends start dislikin d gf coz She is insecure ?
Amy
June 15, 2014 at 4:45 pm
Chris I need your advice, my ex bf of 5 years broke up with me 3 months ago (reason: I wasn’t very supportive with him and finally I became a jealous text gnat), I made 30 days NC, then started texting him according to your plan and finally a week ago had our first phone call. (I have to mention that we’ve been texting for two months and at the beginning he didn’t replied right away.. But since the 3rd week after reconnection, he told me that he misses me a lot, that he realized that I am unique and there’s no one like me, he even text me daily and sometimes 3 times at day! He’s very engaged on our conversations and if I don’t answer on a couple of mins he says “why are you ignoring me? :(“.. You see, we both lived together but since February I am 4 hours away from him. Well on that phone call I only told him that I miss him and that kind of stuff but he was the one that mentioned about getting back together, he said something like this out of the blue “If we are destined to get together again we will, but first I have to focus on myself and you on yourself”, he also said something like “I am still scared that that bad things will occur again”… Then he asked me if he could call me again tomorrow but he didn’t.. His excuse was that he was very tired but some friend of him told me he was in a party… Since then I haven’t sent him any messages, yesterday was my birthday and he texted me like 40 times because I never replied and well I don’t know what to do Chris. Should I NC again? Should I tell him exactly how I feel about him? Because I haven’t said it properly, or should I talk to him like nothing happened?
admin
June 16, 2014 at 2:04 pm
No you need to prime him… declaring your undying love only works in the movies. Declaring your undying love after you have him primed works in real life.
Amy
June 16, 2014 at 4:17 pm
Sorry my English is not my native language and I don’t exactly know what priming is.. But I think what you mean is like sending him a text and if I get a positive response move on to the next text level? That’s what I’ve been doing for these past two months, I’ve been using your examples, began with “I found this and it made me think about you” then “remember that fun time we?” “what I miss most about you” all that stuff and since the first one I’ve always had positive responses, he even started liking all my recent photos on Facebook, asking me if I remember some memories together, told me that we were meant to meet each other and he seems very engaged in every single conversation with me. But I think I’m kinds stuck because I don’t want to stay on the friendzone but I don’t know hot to approach him now.. Thank you I’m advance for your time Chris, I really appreciate what you do on this site for us.
Rene
June 15, 2014 at 10:32 am
I need some answers to understand why my ex boyfriend who I have not heard from in 2 years has reached out to me in an SMS reminding me that it’s his birthday and reminiscing about things we said. We dated for 2 years and he broke up with me saying that I would always be smarter than him. Why now has he made contact after two years if no contact. Is he being an ass or is he trying to reconnect. The contact was received two weeks ago and I haven’t heard from him since. Can you help me understand his behaviour. It’s as if he realised that I have moved on? Please help.
Sherry
June 14, 2014 at 4:36 pm
My ex wanted to date other women, but wanted me to remain exclusive to him. S, I chose to move on. Why does he still check my social media profiles while he is dating other women?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 6:06 pm
Maybe misses you š
annabel
June 14, 2014 at 3:12 pm
Hi Chris. I have never commented before but I have been reading your posts for a while now. My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. We were fighting a lot and always had really poor communication and difficulty understanding each other. He broke up with me because of our constant fighting and told me that he just couldn’t do it anymore and didn’t love me any longer. I didn’t fight for him very much but he knew very well that I was really upset and still loved him but it wasn’t the first time he had broken up with me so I felt like I just had to accept his decision and that there was nothing i could do. I followed your NC rule and didn’t speak to him, and he never contacted me so after the 30 days had passed i just continued NC as I didn’t want to contact him as to myself i was thinking if he missed me he would call me. Time passed and we bumped into eachother at a party a week ago. conversation was short, he seemed very emotional but i think i might have come across as cold or distant. I thought he was going to maybe text me after but I had no news. What I want to ask is your advice whether you think he really just doesn’t care and I should at least keep my dignity by not contacting him or whether it is worth a shot and putting down my pride. He seems to be really happy travelling a lot and doing really well. I think about him every single day and i wish he would call me at least just to see how I’m doing.. Let me know what you think I should do
admin
June 15, 2014 at 6:07 pm
Welcome to Ex Boyfriend Recovery!!
Hmm… I definitely think you should send him a text message. Just make sure you are the one to end the conversation.
soujanya
June 14, 2014 at 5:40 am
Hey Chris ! I actually sent u an email but I guess u are too caught up to reply to all mails like it’s been said Der ..so my guy n I have been dating since 5 yrs n all was well till Jan n he works in d merchant navy so we are on dat partial long distance relationship ..so in Feb wen he came back he seemed kinda off din Wanna meet me much n talk either he said we need a break for sometime for some space coz we argue a lot n he doesn like it n after 4 days we got back again ..den things got screwed up coz I kept nagging n feeling insecure bout dis gal whom he became friends with last year ..she seemed too clingy n I know she is interested in him ..so I did a couple of mistakes by Askin my friend to contact dat gal n ask if dey two were dating n he was really pissed ..so again went back to dat break phase not an actual break up n he went sailing again but he kept mailing me as usual with d I love you n miss u ..I made another mistake by approaching his friend mutual frnd b/w my guy n her n asked wat was going on n dat frnd told my guy bout dis even though I told him not to do dat coz things are already bad .. so on May 9th he called me n said it’s over n I should stop mailing him .. I went into emotional crazy phase n constantly mailed n texted him for over a month ..he always replied n he used to be Like I need tym to figure out things n need tym n he ‘ll figure out wen he gets back home in July but also says please move on ..get over me. sometimes even said he is not happy n it’s be happening gradual ..but he even says sorry for everything ..another prob was dat in Feb n March while he was here he used to talk to dat gal almost everyday ..some calls(3 or somethin) extending more Dan 20 mins at night around 11( I got his call log ) .. so wen I asked him if he cheated he said no I din she Is jus a frnd n I din tell you coz u throw tantrums n I hate liein to you but I did I’m sorry but I can’t change it now ..he says he still talks to her n calls n dat jus coz he talks to other ppl it doesn mean he is cheating n I need to get dat into my head ..n dat gal seems obssessed with him she puts pics with him n status somehow related to him but only wen he is offline ..he says he has no idea n dat she is jus a gud frnd n he has made dat clear to her .. n now after a month he also says I can mail him wen ever I want ..I was implementing d NC rule but last Mon he called n texted me n was like ok I guess u need space I ‘ll give u dat ..I’m here if u need me tc sorry for all d pain I have caused you I never wanted to but I din knw wat else to do ..I was happy seeing dis but den after dat wen I sent him a audio recording of me singing a song I used to sing wen with him . He sent I jus hope u get over me n I’m sorry for everything .. I’m shattered ..he means everything to me .. but I’m confused ..does he have interest in dat gal or are dey really dating already ..n he says he ‘ll figure out in July but also says hurtful lines like get over me ..so should I wait till den or jus convince myself he has moved on .. I’m currently on NC rule since 6 days he hasn mailed me either .. please help š
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Keep going strong on NC!
soujanya
June 14, 2014 at 8:00 am
Oh also d reason he is telling is dat I’m too possessive n he is tired of d drama n constant fighting wen he is back home n he hates being restricted bout whom to hang out with n how to take pics n d only thing he wants me is to not to involve ppl n I keep doing dat n never learn ..but I have apologized said we can make things work if he gives it a chance but he isn agreeing š
Annie
June 14, 2014 at 2:51 am
I am so curious about the story of your friend and “the one that got away” – did he ever make a try to get in contact with this woman again? Or is it a situation he knows is irrevocable, and always dreams of the “what if”? This could give us some great insight into motivations (the basis of your article).
If it’s too personal, no worries! I’m just being nosy…;)
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:17 pm
Irrevocable…
A lot happened there as he got married to someone else, quickly divorced and the one that got away married someone else…
talya
June 13, 2014 at 10:40 pm
I’ve been seeing this guy for two years, but he never called me his girlfriend. I finally ended things because he would not move forward, went NC for 2 months. He started texting, we resumed our old routine. He told me has feelings for me and the sex is spectacular and he loves hanging out, but he’s not in love. I ended things again. Is this totally hopeless? what should i do?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:13 pm
Wait, were the two of you ever official?
talya
June 16, 2014 at 2:12 am
No, we were not really official. But we were seeing each other for two years, he was not seeing anyone else
talya
June 16, 2014 at 2:28 am
I should also say when we first started seeing each other he was more into it than I was and I hurt him. I asked for another chance and he gave me one, but it was never quite the same. And he is miserable in his job and it’s just been like a completely different relationship. We ended things over new years. I told him I loved him and wanted more, he didn’t feel the same. I went two months NC and then he started texting again. Even though we were never “official” it felt like it was.
keels.
June 13, 2014 at 10:23 am
My ex and I had been together for almost a year. We moved quite fast ā moved in together at 3 months. Around March, we started to have some issues. These were brought on by the fact that my job granted me the freedom to work from home. As he worked from home as well, this pretty much put us together 24/7 and things were up and down for the next two months ā until last week.
Last Wednesday, after a (supposedly) perfect movie date night, he broke up with me ā citing the reason that we donāt click. I was completely heartbroken. To me, thatās something you usually know after a few dates, if not a month or two? Or am I way off there? Itās at least certainly something you should be sure of before you ask someone to move in. When I asked what if in a month he regretted this decision, he told me then he would have to live with making the worst mistake of his life.
Anyways, I stayed at the same house as him while I looked for somewhere else. Sleeping on the couch downstairs wasn’t ideal, but at least it was somewhere. I stuck around mostly because when I tried to go to a hotel nearby to be alone/process what happened, he always managed to talk me out of it. It seemed like he wanted me around, but just didnāt want to talk to me/be with me. It was a miserable week for me. He kept having these semi-mood swings, going from snapping at me over nothing to behaving the way he used to when we were together. He told me this was because he doesn’t know where he stands on the whole breakup.
The other day, as luck would have it, I found a new place to live. Itās gorgeous. And despite the fact that itās still in the same neighborhood/Iām probably going to run into him from time to time, I took it. I needed to get out of that house as quick as possible.
Heās been saying a lot of confusing things, especially last night. That he still loves me, for one. Heās told me that almost every day since the breakup. That he doesnāt know what the future holds for us, but that he hopes itās good. That I was the best thing that happened to him. That he wants to be friends. That he wants to keep me in his life. That we had something good worth saving, worth fighting for. He just thinks the breakup would have been inevitable.
I know that a lot of this may just be in an effort to placate me or keep me around as a safety net. I know he may not mean it. I donāt understand why he would say it if he didnāt mean it, though ā to me that just seems pointless. All it seems to be doing is making it more heartbreaking for me.
I feel as if a lot of outside factors were kind of working against the relationship. Heās easily persuaded by his friends. Dates have been cancelled last minute because his friends wanted him to go out (which Iāve never had a problem with). Iām not as big as into going out as him and his friends, but Iāve never stood in the way of a guys night out (as far as I know). His friends are single and planning a single-guy holiday for next month. Heās never been in a serious relationship before. Before me, he had never told a girlfriend that he loved her. By his own admission, he doesnāt have a lot of examples of functional romantic relationships around him which made him skeptical growing up. I think one of his friends may have also implied to him that because I said I could see him and I together at my college graduation next fall, Iām looking for some kind of super-commitment or something. My reason for believing this is that the last night at the old house, he said something like āDonāt worry, youāre going to have a lot of time to spend with someone elseā. He also recently lost a big contract at work, and has been under a lot of stress. Itās been affecting his mood and responses to me.
I feel like Iām not getting the real reason for the breakup, since I usually see āclickingā as something that determines whether or not itās a good idea to get into a relationship in the first place. Not something that you determine so far along. Today is day 2 in the new house, and 9 days since the breakup. I moved out while he was out, and just sent a text telling him where I left my key. I couldnāt go NC yesterday, as in my scramble to leave Iād forgotten something important & needed to retrieve it. But as far as Iām concerned, NC is on as of today. And heās already texted me twice.
Is it possible that heās just confused? Or is there something else going on here? Is there any way to salvage this situation?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:01 pm
How long total were the two of you dating?
keels.
June 13, 2014 at 10:26 am
ohmy, I didn’t realize I’d typed so much. I’m so sorry!
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:01 pm
Your good.