What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Meredith

March 6, 2017 at 4:09 pm

I’ve almost been waiting for a break up to try this technique out because I handled myself so poorly after my last break up. I broke up with my boyfriend 24 days ago. Immediately after he texted me an apology (for lying about and hiding recreational drug use from me) and e-mailed me the next morning wishing me well and flowers he ordered before the break up arrived that day too. We dated for over a year and were talking about marriage. I need to know that when he does contact me again, if it’s after the 30 day period, do I answer the phone? How long do I wait to reply to a text? Or to call him back if I don’t answer the phone? I couldn’t find this covered anywhere and I want to do everything by the book. In your experience, should substance abuse always be a deal breaker? Right now, I don’t want to get back together with him, but I am willing to hear him out if he’s changing his ways. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 1:51 am

Hi Meredith,

that depends on your standards.. Personally, I wont. If you’re doing a 30 day nc, yes yoi can start talking to him after it..but if it was not focused in improving yourself and being active in posting in social media, restart the count now..check the links below too.
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

Elis

March 5, 2017 at 11:28 am

Hey everyone.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 34 days ago, and I started NC rule emediatly, since I knew it’s could be just one way to not to fall down in his eyes. After 2 weeks on Valentine’s night he brought my stuff and flowers and left in near mydoor without text or calls.and 10 days aho he sent me request on FB. But didn’t text me.. I was wondered what does it means and send ?, he replied that he would like to be a friends, because we cerious how i am doing, nothing else. I said, ” no”
After that he didn’t send me any messages and 3 days ago when it was month NC I dropped his stuff m to his house and left it near doir as he did to me.
I am very confused and hurt right now, I am trying to be active and posting on social media just how I move on. Fitness, swimming, hang out with friends and traveling.. All posts is public.
I am not sure if I kept my NC rule when I replied to his text to be a friends. Doea it mean that I contacted him?
His family still in my friends list and saying they miss me.. I am terrible want him back but In the same time I chat with another guys and wanna go on dates, since I am afraid to be more broken after I finish my NC period, I set it up for 45 days, since he is very stubborn and a reason of break up was that his feelings to me not that strong and deep as my to him.

Please tell me what to do and how to behavior? Should I text him and break my NC period or just leave him alone and move on? Should I go on date before 45 days ? What if he refuse me? If I text him?
By the way, he is looking for a job abroad right now. He doesn’t like his job right now. I don’t wanna loose him and in the same time its means he run away from me mayve?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2017 at 12:59 pm

Hi Elis,

he’s trying to friendzone you, it can still be a good sign because he might be missing you.. you can initiate contact after 45 days..if he ignores it, wait a week before trying again Check the link below.
Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

Elle

March 3, 2017 at 4:41 am

Hello, I am on week two of no contact. He hasn’t contacted me since I ingnored his last message two weeks ago but he has liked things on my facebook. That is kind of odd because even when we were dating he rarely liked or posted things on facebook. He is also one of those insanely stubborn people! Could the fact that he is actively liking things on my facebook be a sign that he misses me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2017 at 8:28 pm

Hi Elle,

yes, it’s a good sign

Shannon

February 24, 2017 at 2:04 am

It’s almost been 17 days of NC between my ex and I. He left me because he didn’t love me anymore and wanted to be friends. I implemented NC after I blew up at him for acting like he didn’t care and he was so happy without me. Since NC I have only received one text off him, that his friend told him to send. My ex still hasn’t contacted me, is still happy and still seems to not care that I’m around. NC is making me miss him, but I’m pretty sure he is just happy. I don’t feel like I’m ever every going to be able to have a fresh start with him. Especially since he seems to feel nothing for me. I am working on myself, made sure my profile was good on FB ( since we are still friends on there ) doing everything this site has told me to do, even telling myself not to expect a text because he doesn’t owe me anything. But I’m still worried NC isn’t affecting him, just me.

Shannon

March 12, 2017 at 4:27 am

I would like to add, that I broke my new NC to send him a text, a rather long one asking him how he could be so cruel after stringing me along and pretending to want to start again for a month and be friends, and he ignored that message. So I sent one more saying thankyou for ignoring me, then went on fb and deleted all posts and photos of us, to show him I am really done. It’s like he doesn’t have any human emotions and just doesn’t care, it’s like the realtionship and breakup meant nothing to him. I don’t think I want him back, not as the cruel person he now is. But I don’t know how to handle his harshness either. Do I just go back in NC until he stops being so cruel? Or do I cut him out of my life completely? He so clearly doesn’t want me around and I know we are done, I’m just not sure how to handle it. I want to message him and tell him off for being rude but he would just ignore it so I don’t see the point or what I’m meant to do now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 5:22 pm

You already told him thats he’s cruel.. Saying that he’s rude is the same thing.. I know it makes you feel better to tell him off but the mature way is to let it go, to stop wasting energy on him and to start putting attention to yourself, to your life..
Shannon

March 11, 2017 at 1:42 am

Well, I think I needed the phone call, for the closure I think because when we split and went straight into no contact I didn’t get any answers. I asked him during the phone call if he thought about me at all, or the breakup, or was sad because of it and he said no, he has been thinking about work and his home life, not about me a all. It didn’t impact him at all, which I think shows there is something not right with him, like he is emotionally unavalible. It hurt, I didn’t get mad or anything, but it does hurt to know you mean nothing to the person you love and losing you didn’t mean anything to him. I’ve gone back in NC, because last time I was in NC my family was telling him how I was, so I asked them not to this time. He shouldn’t be able to know everything I’m going through if he left me. I’ve gone offline and completely off grid. I don’t think it’ll change anything, but it lets me heal without worrying about him. He strung me along for an extra month, which was bull. I gave a concert with him next month on the 5th, so I’m thinking I might just stay off grid until then. Make myself reachable. He wont reach out though, cause clearly he doesn’t care, but it lets me heal.
Erin

March 9, 2017 at 2:36 pm

I talked to him, over text but tonight I asked him to call because I needed comfort. We spoke and laughed but then things got serious. When we first broke up he said he wanted to be friends and see how things went and not rule anything out, and he kept saying oh I want to try, we will start slow and take baby steps. But tonight he admitted that he never wanted to be with me again, and he just said he wouldn’t rule anything out because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. But he said he meant it when he said he didn’t love me and that he just doesn’t want to be with me again. It wasnt a fight either, just calmly talking. I knew he didn’t want to try, he admitted to not thinking about me or us or thinking about trying to make it better. I knew he was just trying not to hurt me more. But he strung me along by letting me think we had a chance, when really it was just me working on something he had already given up on. So it’s done for good, but thank you for being here through all of this with me, I really wish this had been a successes story, but then again why would I want to be with someone who never wanted to try again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:23 am

Hi Erin,

Oh no.. that was a wrong move.. it’s like you told him him your plan… but right now, after what he said, what’s your decision?
Shannon

March 6, 2017 at 12:36 am

Now that him and I are texting again, he is still constantly saying that he doesn’t want to lose his friend. And he wants me as a friend and nothing more and it’s either that or I leave his life for good. So I don’t know what to do. I did NC, but he didn’t miss me or care where I was. I made myself better and tougher, and I’m not taking any crap of him anymore and he can see that. But he still does not want to start a new relationship with me. Or to ever be romantically interested in me every again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2017 at 5:22 am

try to build rapport slowly..texts firsts, then calls, then meet ups.. If it doesn’t progress after that,.move on..
Shannon

March 5, 2017 at 8:34 am

Hello again. Since I last commented I have been in NC for 25 days. He hadn’t messaged me other than a text his friend told him to send. So on Thursday my mother dropped off his Valentine’s gifts ( which were all wrapped and bought before the breakup ) so she dropped them off and he opened them today and text me, now since I was only doing a 21 day NC but kept it going I replied. He said thank you for the gifts and such, but now its just back and forth small talk. And I am not sure where to go to turn this into him wanting me back.
Shannon

February 27, 2017 at 5:20 am

I’ve come to a point where the sadness has turned into anger. I asked my sister ( since they are still friends ) if he has mentioned me once, in the 19 days I’ve been in NC and she said no, he hasn’t brought me up at all. I asked him house mate, the one who told him to send the only text he sent me, my ex I mean, I asked his house mate, has my ex brought me up in any way, shape or form, just in general. And he said no. My ex hasn’t asked anyone if I’m alright, hasn’t talked about me, messaged me, anything. I kept hoping that he was the guy who would break on the 14-16 day mark, but no. I mean’t nothing. He went from I love you, to not caring how I am, or even bringing me up. Like he just deleted me out of his brain. I mean nothing, my well being means nothing, he has no compassion or caring for me at all and he certainly doesn’t miss me. I’m at the point now where the flame of hope is dying, because how could someone be so cold and like a robot to someone they once claimed to love? How could he be so cruel and uncaring. I mean nothing and I was willing to take him back, but now its been pushed to far, the evidence that he doesnt care if I’m around or well. And I appreciate every single reply you have given me, every glimpse of support and I’m so glad I had this website to comfort me through this all. But I think you need to add a part about some ex’s, actually no caring once it’s done .. cause my hopes were so high and that hope broke me even more.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2017 at 7:22 pm

some guys can really be stubborn but, just to remind you, the no contact rule is for you. After it, you have to come from a position of power. If he’s being like that and he doesn’t reply at your first contact text, so be it. It’s not your loss, it’s his.
Shannon

February 25, 2017 at 4:55 am

I’m not going to break NC. It’s been almost a month since he left and I’m still just as broken as I was. He doesn’t know that or if he does know, he doesnt care. I keep commenting and asking for help because my mental health has taken a huge hit from this breakup. I still feel like I wasn’t good enough to be his girlfriend so he said we could be friends again. That he doesn’t care that I’m hurt or angry, but it just isnt helping. I dont know how to recover from this. I’m still so in love and he just isn’t … I’ve lost him and I really don’t think NC will help bring him back, I think he just doesn’t care anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 9:47 pm

You have to get professional help. Personally counseling will help you more because the doctor knows your case more intimately than here.. I know it hurts, it’s hard but other than the no contact rule, it’s either you move on or chase. Chasing doesn’t help you. Love yourself. Change your mindset. You should be asking yourself if he’s deserving for you after this.. Value yourself because no one else will do that for you. We teach other people how they treat us by how we respect and value ourself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 2:34 pm

Hi Shannon,

if it’s not affecting, that doesn’t mean breaking it will help you more. If you stop nc, are you going to text him that you miss him? It’s hard, but the nc is more for you , not for him to text or miss you. What you do to improve yourself, will help increase your chances, and will help in making him miss you and regret the break up but the most important aspect of nc is you. Whether you get him or not, you still have yourself, with more self respect and in a better place than before. If he’s happy, then all the more that you should choose to be happy because it doesn’t help that he’s happy and then you remain sad.

Mary

February 19, 2017 at 2:31 pm

Hey!
I’ve been 2 months with a guy who seemed into me the first 2 dates. I felt that there was a spark and we had something like an affair, because there wasn’t anything clear about our “relationship” yet. He had hot and cold behavior. Sometimes he had written me and sent me pictures etc. and he was kind of affectionate and lovely but other times he wasn’t. Once I slept at his house and it felt like he didn’t want to contact me while sleeping next to him. Once I said that I miss him and asked, if he also does and he replied: I like to spent time with you, but to be sincere, I don’t really miss you. After that we discussed a while and he said that he just knew since the beginning that he won’t fall in love with me and just wanted sex. So I said goodbye to him and never had written him since then again. 28 days now. I accapted, that he wasn’t in to me. At day 20 I saw him at a party, I was ignorring him and suddenly he came to me making an “hip to hip” move and wanting me to hug him. I dind’t really wanted to, so he asked me: “so I don’t get even a hug anymore?”
And I gave him a quick one, but didn’t say anything more (continued ignorring him). He continued his way then. But he seemed like watching me often that night. But he has never written or contacted me some other day.
I have to add, that we have dated 5 years ago and I was extremely in love with him and super clingy and he wasn’t so he kicked me off then. But I changed really much since then and I let things go if they have to.
What do you think of that? What should I do? He said that he never wanted to love me or a commitment, so I wasn’t sure to let go or to contact him at some point later. I think that there was a spark… but I can’t tell. And sometimes he also did things for me, like cooking… I don’t really know what to think… because he said he doesn’t miss me. But I think he does now, but fears to contact me because of what he said to me.
And he never had a real relationship with 26 years.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 10:27 pm

Hi Mary,

He may miss you.. but for me, after what he said, you should move on.. Because missing you doesn’t mean wanting to commit to you. He made it clear that all he wants is sex. Agreeing to be intimate with him after that means you agree with being friends with benefits.

Kay

February 16, 2017 at 7:10 am

I get very obsessive with checking my phone every time it rings just to see if it is him. Will blocking his number during the no contact rule work as well?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 7:40 pm

HI Kay,

if that’s what’s going to help you focus more in improving yourself, do so.

Emily Hilton

February 15, 2017 at 9:46 pm

I’ve already done the NC, and now we chat to each other. When I call him he is very kind and lovely, when I text him he usually call me back, doesn’t respond by text massage(the only reason I thint it is tha he doesn’t like,he never did).
It is Ok, but my big problem is that he don’t call me at all, automatically.. I didn’t shown my feeling yet, but I said that I thought a lot about our relationship, and we can remain friends if he wants. He said that that wanted he, from beginning of the breakup… Now… How can I found out that wether he wants more or not? How can I attract him again… I’m not going to call him too many times, I’m affraid that I can terrify him that way….How often should I call him?
I want to earn him back, and I’m so dissapointed about what to do …

(sorry for spelling mistakes, I’m not an english woman 🙂 )

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 1:28 pm

Hi Emily,

how long have you been talking? Have you built enough rapport to move to hang outs? did you keep being active in improving yourself and in posting in social media?

Penny

February 15, 2017 at 1:15 am

Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, but that’s not why I’m reaching out to you. My Valentine’s are my family. I’m OK with that. It’s just it’s been 33 days of straight NC Rule & he hasn’t reached out in anyway.
I’ve taken this time to go out with friends, declutter my room, buy a new car, go on lots of job interviews to better myself. I’m told I’m losing weight even though I’m not trying. I think because I’m heartbroken & don’t really eat passed 4pm.
My bf & I were together a short 7 months but during that time I fell in love with him for we just had awesome chemistry & amazing sex, & opened my eyes to what a relationship should be. No I was never needy or nagging; instead quite independent.
This is our second breakup in which both times he’s telling me I’m an amazing woman while listing all these great characteristics about me, however, doesn’t know why he’s unsure about me/us. I tell you he had no real reasons for the breakup. I’m so hurt& miss him. I wonder if he misses me: my toothbrush still in the holder, my lost earrings during sex found all around his room, my scent of coconut oil on his bedding, my Xmas card to him folded on his computer desk still there? (Sighs)
A man who really wants a woman puts in the effort. I’m a good girl…A girl he crushed on for a while. So what does this really mean: he’s not into me, another girl, scared, not ready?
Will he contact me ever in the near future?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 6:09 pm

Hi Penny,

more probably those kind of reasons that he gave comes a from a guy who fell out of love..

Erin Shannon

February 13, 2017 at 8:23 pm

Why does none of this say that maybe, he just doesn’t want to talk to you, or he doesn’t care. Because my ex who wanted to be my ” friend ” has all but ignored me since the break up, so I started NC and since then, I only got one text because a mutual friend told him too. Also said friend said my ex is very very happy. He lives with said friend, and they spend all night every night gaming and laughing, they even bought new games to play together. And all his post on social media are happy and care free. I keep reading all this and re-reading, but honestly it just seems like he is done, doesn’t care and is having the time of his life. And I’m trying to be positive and see if, maybe in a few weeks he will start to miss me, but its going to be hard for him to ever miss me when he has his bestfriend around constantly and they spend every waking hour together gaming. When is he meant to get sad? When is he meant to care? This site has giving me so much hope and every day its just more proof that he doesn’t care that I’m around. He is happy. And I’m sorry if this seems rude, my mental illness is driving me insane and its just so clear he doesn’t care about me and I don’t know how to deal.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 8:54 pm

Hi Erin,

don’t do nc, just to make him miss you. Those are just probable feelings that he will feel. Do nc for yourself, to heal, grow and improve. It would be better if you accept that he has moved on, that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore and that he’s just being friendly because he’s still used to having you around. Be active in improving yourself. Take this as a restart. After nc, slowly rebuild rapport while continuing to improve yourself. I think you should restart the 30 day count after he sent you a text when your friend asked him to. And tell your friend you appreciate the help but it would be better if he let your ex be.. and then just be casual and polite at the same event you’re going.

Sonia

February 11, 2017 at 10:43 pm

Hi EBR Team,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3.5 weeks ago and we’ve been NC for 3 weeks now. (We both still love each other but we had some problems) He’s been sending mixed signals for the first bit of NC which included friendly text messages that contained things he knew I’d like. But I ignored him because of the NC, and he just stopped contacting me since then. What should I do? Has he made up his mind that we should break up for good? How do I get him back?

Sonia

February 13, 2017 at 11:16 pm

Thanks for the reply Amor. The messages he sent me at the start of NC though included some stuff on how to make a relationship work or articles about these values. That’s why I thought he could have been hesitant about his decision even though he initiated the break up. And yes I have been going out with friends and posting on social media. What do you think? Do I have to reach out to him after NC or will he come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 6:46 pm

initiate after nc, and then slowly rebuild rapporr from there
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 5:44 pm

Hi Sonia

he already made up his mind when he broke up with you.. Texting you after it or trying to be friendly after a break up is common because that’s what he’s used to do.. He stopped because he noticed you’re not replying. Are you actively improving yourself and in posting in social media?

Sohurt90

February 11, 2017 at 3:30 am

Hi Amor,

I’m on day 33 of No contact and my ex still haven’t contact me nor did he unblock me from social media. I have a question. I was thinking since he haven’t unblock me from social media is there any chance that unblock my number. Should I wait for him to unblock me from one social media account than attempted to contact him by phone? The way I look at it if he haven’t unblock me from social media chances are he haven’t unblock my number…. I haven’t check to see if he indeed unblock my number ( I’m scared of being rejected) . I just would like you opinion because I do anything. Like I said it been a month… thank you
Raúl

February 10, 2017 at 4:36 pm

Hi!, I had a 1 year relationship, I cheated on my ex after 6 months of being together, she forgave me and we started dating again, of course I had the mindset of getting better so I would never hurt the person I love again.

The thing is after 6 more months of good relationship, my ex dumped me because she started liking her best friend, but she was insecure, she didn’t knew if she wanted to stay with me, or if she wanted to try things out with her best friend, when we where in this dilemma her best friend, which was the only friend that knew that I cheated on her, told her entire family that I cheated.

The result, the family wanted me dead, and both her family and her best friend wanted her to break up with me permanently and for her to forget about me. We didn’t talk for two weeks (In which I received confirmation that she started dating her friend), and I talked with her, she said she didn’t love me anymore but that she cared about me but wanted to be friends, and she started NC, she said we shouldn’t talk for a while as all of these damaged us both greatly.

We started NC under the assumption that we would talk when we wanted to talk again, but I don’t know what to do, I feel heartbroken, while I was an asshole and made lots of errors, I kept getting better for her, and as the NC period is quite new (we are 1 week in atm), I just don’t know what to do or what to expect, like, should I try to move on and forget about my love for her, should I train my ass off, and get better as a whole so when NC is done she can see that I’m better?

I’m not sure if I’ll should talk to her or not, and the thing is we both go to the same orchestra to play our instruments, so in march we are going to see each other anyway, an at this point I’m just lost, all her close relatives wants me dead, she’s starting a relationship with her best friend, and I’m here just thinking, what Should I do?, thank you fo reading!

Raúl

February 13, 2017 at 5:28 pm

One last thing!

I’ve had terrible times lately, family members hospitalized, friends involved in accidents and so on and so forth.

A few nights ago I went home and I was alone, and I started feeling desperate, lonely, I had no one to talk to, Alone. Within all that line of thought, and idea crossed my mind, the idea to hurt myself. While I know better, and I’m confident that I should not hurt myself, it was such an awful feeling to want to do it.

Within all that feeling I realized that in that exact moment I wanted to talk with my ex, as I realized that in talking with her those feelings of hurting myself would cease.

I decided to just say “Hi!”, The NC period started under the assumption that we would “talk when we wanted to talk”, and oh boy I needed to talk to her in that moment. I decided to not tell her anything more, like I need you or I miss you, I just said “hi!”, she saw the message, didn’t say anything and that was that. I managed to control myself and I did not hurt myself.

I know I broke the NC period by saying “Hi!”, but I’m not sure how to interpret her silence, like Should I just suck it up and move on, trying to forget?, or should I cling to hope and believe that we can make things work out?, or maybe I should just go on with my life until we see each other again… Thank you for reading!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 4:54 pm

its ok, you can ask anytime. That’s good that you didn’t hurt yourself and good that she didn’t reply, because you would probably keep breaking nc and use talking to her as a way of coping with stress.. it would be better if you have professional help.

just to make it clear, she moved on. She chose the other guy. So, from this point, if you’re going to do no contact, it would be to reattract her..not to make the previous relationship work
Raúl

February 11, 2017 at 4:34 pm

She dumped me because she liked her friend, but she still loved me, while we were in that conundrum her friend told her family what I did months ago and she dumped me definitely. After I cheated I never talked to the girl again and I don’t intend to.

My problem right now is that I know that my ex is moving on into other things, that she wants to forget our love, but I’m still grieving. So while we’re doing this NC thing I wonder, why?

Like, we started NC under the statement that we would “talk when we wanted to talk”, and trust me I want to talk to her, but I don’t know what to do, like do I contact her before march?, and if so what I’m suppose to do?, she doesn’t love me anymore, so what can I do?, try to get her to love me again?, move on?, look for closure of our love in a deep talk?.

This NC period is hell for me, I can’t stand not knowing if she cares about me or not, I can’t stand my errors and weaknesses, I feel so sad all the time and I don’t know what to expect or what to do after all of this.

Thank you for reading!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 2:24 pm

ah.. I know it hurts but bottomline is she left you for him, they just made the situation easier for them.. For now, focus in healing, getting your life back and improving yourself.. if you want to do 45 days, that’s ok. And then decide after that if you still want to rebuild the friendship first..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 11:02 pm

Hi Raul,
Correct me if I’m wrong,She dumped for her friend, and then the friend exposes your mistake, so that it wouldn’t look like she left you for another guy? If she did break up with you for him, it’s a grass is greener syndrome.. did you cut all ties with the girl you cheated on? If yes, do at least 30 days nc, improve yourself and then slowly build rapport after.

Cait

February 7, 2017 at 7:56 pm

have just come out of a long 4 year relationship with my ex who was my first love. We have been together since the age of 15 and was completely in love when we were younger however the last couple of years he took a twist and changed. He broke up with me just over 2 months ago and it’s safe to say I am completely devastated. As soon as we split up he began seeing other girls and sleeping around so I decided to try and move on and do the same. I did meet a guy who was a mutual friend of us both and in the end I did end up spending the night with him (baring in mind before this my ex was the only person I had slept with) I regret it and it was a bad decision from me as I realised I am still completely in love with my ex. My ex and I have had on and off contact since the split constantly arguing and calling each other due to accusations being said of him cheating on me however he strongly denies this but I know it’s true and the longest I’ve done no contact is for 10 days. I saw my ex for the very first time last week and we did end up getting with each other until we had an argument and got kicked out of the club together. He told me that he still loves me, he kept on asking where I was and why I did nothing when we split up and that he does want me back. Moving forward I thought it would be a good idea to come clean and tell him about the one night stand in which he went crazy. He ended up head butting me and pushed me in a bush after then screaming at me that he had also slept with 6 other girls!

I tried to call and call him to see if we could put this behind us and move forward but he is adamant he is done with me for good and will never come back. After the 20th time calling he told me to f*ck off and I will never see or speak to me again nor does he love me or regret anything he has done.

Around a year ago we split up and he did sleep around and I forgave him however I did not do a single thing: but this time because I have been with someone else I do believe he is gone for good this time and will never come back. In my heart I know this has turned completely toxic but I love him more then words can say and I want him to realise what he’s done and what he’s lost and come back as the man I need. Right now we have no spoken since and I don’t know what step to take next? It has been 10 days of no contact and I’ve heard nothing Does he really mean it when he says he’s done? Will he ever come back as the man I can trust and need??

Please help

Kind regards

Caitlin

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 12:13 am

hi Cait,

he’s probably just emotional..Use nc to your advantage..Improve, heal, have a new routine.. be active in posting in social media too.. you wont have a restart in the relationship, if you dont start with yourself..

Rini

February 5, 2017 at 10:11 pm

Okay..so my bf broke up with me becoz was very angry on me…we were very happy..he loved me so much ..he day and night talked to.me and was very much in love with me..but then i did something stupid..actually his brother got an accident and he was admitted so my bf was very sad and couldnt talk to me clearly so i became little selfish and thought he is not taking care of me becoz i was also not well little bit…i said this to him and little bit i complained about it.then i became angry on me and said never talk to me..i said sorry and said i was nit feeling well therefore i said so..i m undersranding ur situation…but still he was not convinced and said never talk to me then i thought i should give him some time and should not msg or call him…after one month i called him he didnt replied…then again next day i called him constantly then he replied and said he doesnt want to talk to me i comvinced him but he said its over now he doesnt want to livve with me then i said ok. N i also didnt force him then…after a week i saw him on instagrm which i did say him not to use he started using instagrm so i became very angry and said abusive to him and he blocked me…next day in evening i mesaaged him i am sorry i didnt mean all that i wanted to talk to him.then he unblocked me and then. I convinced him so much but he was very angry on.me and was showing i didnt lived him didnt care about him i am selfish ..i convinced him a lot but then again he blocked me…then i sent him.a message i will never talk yu now in my whole life and started no contact rule today is day 15…plz tell me will he be convinced..?..will he call me?..what must be he thinking?

Rini

March 26, 2017 at 3:27 pm

I was walking with my mother ..He was sitting with his freinds and talking to them…i saw him only once and then not…probably he did also see me.and i came back to home
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 6:19 pm

that’s hard to say on what he is thinking if you didn’t see his reaction
Rini

March 25, 2017 at 2:42 pm

Today he saw me …what he must be thinking?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 1:54 pm

did he do something? what dod he look like?
Rini

March 19, 2017 at 5:09 pm

Should i block him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 1:59 pm

nope, dont..
Rini

March 11, 2017 at 1:49 pm

Ohk…i am not talking to him…but why he is updating sad statuses ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 5:44 pm

probably to get a reaction from you.. but dont..just stick to nc.. and dont post sad statuses..that’s like communicating with him.. just live your life..
Rini

March 11, 2017 at 1:48 pm

Ohk…i am not talking to him…but why he is updating sad statuses like nothing is good in his life….should i also update sad statuses…to show that i care for him?
Rini

March 10, 2017 at 6:38 am

Yesterday i called him he didnt responded and after 5 hours again i called him so he did unblock me and i asked how was he…he replied fine and then i said dont unblck me i want to be in contct with you…he said ok but dont msg me i ll nt block you…i said ok……he is still angry and doesnt want to talk.to me ..and intentionally updates statuses which hurt me …I have not msged him after that….what i do tell me plz..how I make him to talk to me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:40 am

oh no.. dont ask to keep in touch.. right now that looks like chasing.. and dont call him yet, because you haven’t build rapport yet.. if it was just to check if youre5 blocked that’s ok but it’s different to say you want to be in contact.. I admit it’s not looking good because it just looks like you’re chasing him.. I think you need to restart nc and do it right.. Just focus in improving yourself.move in without totally moving on, take it slow in building rapport after nc. Dont ask to be friends.. just be friendly.. while continuing to improve yourself too..
Rini

February 21, 2017 at 11:15 am

Today 30 days of nc has passed…and he didnt contact me in this period ..I am thinking about giving him a call and unblocking him from watsapp..but I am still blocked on watsapp by him…I am confused what to do…should i wait one more month?.. because he was very angry on me and give him time to miss me?…we were in 3 year serious long distant relationship…plz tell what to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:27 pm

You can unblock him, but if you want to extend nc, that’s ok.. If you want just do 2 or 3 weeks more before initiating..
Rini

February 15, 2017 at 10:12 am

He has not contacted me yet…do you think there is any chance he will come back to me ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 7:32 pm

If it’s just anger, there’s a chance.. But raise it by massively and genuinely improving yourself.
Rini

February 6, 2017 at 2:48 am

Okay…when he said one week before fight that its over and i was convinced and said ok so that time he and me both were not active on social networking sites but after he broke up.with me i came active on fb after 2-3 days .. I uploaded my 2 photos then he too came active and blocked me from fb and started using instagrm then when i saw him on insta i became so much angry then what happend i already have told you…. So now i am in no contact rule and i too blocked him from watsapp …i deleted my fb account and not active from 2 weeks….but i check him from my fake account he uploaded a new profile picture of himself and is active on instagrm.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2017 at 2:03 pm

you have to stop social media stalking him and start being active in posting in your accounts.If you need to extend a week more, do so. He should be the one that’s regretting losing you
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2017 at 11:28 pm

Hi Rini,

how active were you in the last 2 weeks and were you active in posting?

jelly

February 3, 2017 at 1:21 pm

I had a long distance relationship for 14 months we broke up 2 weeks now because of constsnt fght. He asked for a break and we didnt talk for 10 days and i approached him he said he still wants a break so i got mad and i said hurtful words. After a week, he said he doesnt want to be with me anymore and he doesnt feel our relationship and he wants to move on. Now, we’re not talking anymore and he’s not the type of person who open up to other people besides myself. I feel like he is stubborn even if i do the no contact rule.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 7:20 pm

Hi Jelly,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it’s the only step you can take that is nkt moving on nor chasing..

LEANNE

February 2, 2017 at 9:59 am

Okay, so 10 days into official NC, and a friend of mine has talked to my ex on fb. He didn’t know he knew me and they were talking about exes. MINE tells my friend the most insane lies about me, fabricating a story and also telling him really personal details about me (like my proper secrets). Truly atrocious lies coming from someone who used to claim to never tell lies. What is going on? I’m shocked. If he is telling this to someone he doesn’t really know, what could he be telling his friends and family?!?!!

Leanne

February 3, 2017 at 12:13 am

But what do I do about it? Do I confront him about the lies? They’re disgusting lies
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 4:57 pm

for me you should to clear your name
Leanne

February 2, 2017 at 8:55 pm

No I don’t want to get back with him at this stage. It’s made me realize he could be lying about everything he told me about his exes and how he felt too. Why would he do something like this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 9:59 pm

it’s hard to tell.. it can be his real character or out of emotion..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 8:28 pm

Hi Leanne,

not a good attitude.. maybe that is because of the break up but telling your secrets is below the belt..do you still want to go back with him?

Sheriden

January 25, 2017 at 8:31 pm

I’m not sure my ex is any of these. It’s day 11 of no contact..so far nothing from him. He had an affair with someone at work and said he wanted to break up. They aren’t talking anymore or doing anything anymore. I did a few days of begging but then stopped and texted once a day and then went to nothing. We were together 6 years and were engaged. I still want him back. Yesterday I realized he was logged in on my phone with his messages and I took a look because i’m a dumb human being. He’s been texting a friend about how he’s been feeling and he mentioned how it’s been hard for him to see her at work and how he wants to talk to her….he hasn’t mentioned me at all. These messages are account for about half of our no contact. What does this mean? Is he still too shocked to even realize he misses me yet? How long would it take for him to realize? We are both seeing a therapist separately and I imagine she told him to do the no contact rule as well. But he hasn’t been talking about me at all….I don’t know what to do. I feel like he see’s her every day and that keeps making him think about her and the fact i’m not there means he doesn’t think about me. I don’t know how that could be though. I moved out of the apartment we got together, our three cats we adopted together are with him, all the furniture I left was either mine and I didn’t want it or we bought together. We built our lives together. How is not talking about me? Is it still too early to expect anything? Please help

Sheriden

January 30, 2017 at 3:26 pm

I’m also worried that whenever we see/talk to each other again after no contact that he will see me acting happier and that will just make him go “oh phew, she’s fine, so I can move on.” Is that just the fear in my head? Is that even a realistic thing that can happen?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 3:33 pm

that might be overthinking.. coz do you want to think you’re still hurting?
sheriden

January 26, 2017 at 3:31 pm

yes i am, at least my usual amount. but he doesn’t use social media :/ he uses reddit and that’s it so that’s not really an option for me. all i really have is no contact. i did begging in the beginning so i don’t think he is scared he can loose me..at least yet. two weeks tomorrow no contact, and i want this man scared that his fiance of two years and significant other of 6 might not want him. i want to scare the hell out of him and am not sure how.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 10:37 am

there’s still a chance that he will be curious on why you stopped chasing and will check your account..and it’s just only been two weeks..so just keep on improving and posting
Sheriden

January 25, 2017 at 8:32 pm

he said he can’t be with me, and i’ve confirmed that that means every time he saw me he would just think about what he did and the mistake he made and the pain.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:26 pm

Hi sheriden,

are you active in posting in social media? I know it’s hard but focusing on him wont help you on your improvements..if he’s thinking about her rather than you, then if he sees you now would he regret leaving you?

Katie

January 25, 2017 at 1:49 pm

Three weeks after our break up (and five days after our last sexual encounter tsk), I was sexually assaulted by a stranger while travelling. My ex and I got into a big fight stemming from what I perceived as a total failure to support me through this genuinely traumatic event. It got to the point where he told me he will never message me again. I spend the next few days in total misery due to the combination of these two things. After a few days of not messaging him, I send him an email asking if he could look at my r*** art project. Later that night I discover your website and decide to start NC immediately. Four days later, I receive an email from him with his response, “no.” which I have interpreted as an angry and bitter way to lure me into contact (I am undoubtedly a needy text gnat most of the time). It is a few days later and I haven’t broken NC, but I am wondering, do I begin my 30 days from the day after I sent the email, or, since he was replying to something I’d sent (albeit 4 days later), do I start NC from the day of his response? For the record, my end game is not the recovery of this particular ex boyfriend, as not supporting me through that event is something I don’t think I can get past, but rather for my own recovery. I believe that by the end of the NC, I will probably not need to make contact, but for now the possibility of him missing me is a helpful incentive. Additionally, I have found his actions over this period so confusing, and it has contributed a lot to the distress I’m currently going through. This website is helping me so much to understand those actions and to regain a sense of control over my life and my choices which I feel have been taken from me in the last few weeks by these two men. So thank you very much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 3:55 pm

Hi Katie,

Start the count the day after his response..

Maya

January 23, 2017 at 10:27 am

Hey… Me and my boyfriend broke up half a year ago…till December we have been in touch,but not a lot. Then I started a NC, and yesterday on 21 days of NC, I sent him a message, but he did not reply. I though that maybe he misses me, because he liked my picture on Fb and instagram…so i was a little bit dissapointed when he did not reply to me. My text was positive and remembering the good times. What should I do now? Should I start with 30/45 days od no contact him or should I move on or try to text him again week later? And yes i am active (sport, work, cooking lessons, hanging with friends, have a one date and working on myself..i also post everything and I saw that he always looked it. So I am a little bit confused, because he liked my picture, but not reply my text.. Thank you…

Maya

January 25, 2017 at 10:52 am

Thank you for your answer! Just one question…if then maybe he reply, can i answer and talk further with more than one text or should i text just one sms back and end it on a high note (like i have a meeting or sport or something like that)? And what if he will not reply at all, then i guess i have to move on? Or? Thank you..have a nice day!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 3:45 pm

Check this one so you’ll know more on what to do about texting:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Maya

January 24, 2017 at 12:44 pm

Hey, text was about ..that i came home from a game and then I started to do an album for my father birthday…i was looking and old picture of us as family and that put smile on my face, because i remember how me any my boyfriend were also doing that… we looked an album of his family…I added, haha it is nice to remember this and that i put smile on my face.. and yes, a was really doing that album for my father and then suddenly I remember this memory that we had. Text was a positive and not too long.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 10:18 am

maybe he doesnt really know how to react to that because it’s an emotional(although happy) memory.. rest for a week before trying again and thennuse a topic that he always loves talking about
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 11:34 am

Hi Maya,

what was the exact text?

Shin

January 20, 2017 at 5:39 pm

Hi
First of all sorry, because i cant speak english very well
Second of all sorry if its long
Well, my situation is a little complicated, im 24 and my ex is 50 years old. We met last year, after a month or so he came to me and said that he loves me and that he worships me, but also he doesnt think that we can be together because there is no hope for marriage for lots of reasons, though he cant control his emotions, i was in a bad relationship back then, but anyway i told him to back off because i was with someone else and because of the age difference, but he continued to pay attention to me and he was really kind and helpful. I roke up with my bf after a month, and i started to fall for him, we decided to gove it a try, but i think that he didnt really love me even then, because i was pushing him into a relationship and i was needy, and i made a lot of mistakes.
Once i asked what type of woman do you like? And he named one of his friends, said that she is perfect in any way, abd she is beautiful and charming (she is married and has a girl), i was desperate! And i reacted like crazy girls that i always hated!!! I started to be jelous and it was definitley awful.
After several months of off again on again relationship he broke up with me, when another woman came to our work place and started to yell at him, he told me that he didnt cheat but i dont know if he is telling the truth, i lashed out, anyway he broke up with me, and blocked me for 3 months, i called several times but i was blocked, after 3 months he called and told me to come back to work (i worked for him and i quited after what happened)
So i started working again for him and we started seeing each other but just like the last time he wasnt ready to commit, and he told me that we cant be together, i really think that i was being played by him, because he came to me some nights, and i was really attracted to him so i just throw myself into his arms and we had sex few times, without him actually commit to me, after a month i realised that i dont want to be played so i told him:
“You are not trustworthy, caring, loving or loyal, you never had the guts to undrestand me, and you sure as hell don’t deserve me”
And he said think whatever you want.
And thats when i started the nc period
After 7 days i told him that i want to give his stuff back because i dont want them in my house anymore, and he said just throw them away
I didnt reply after that
So should i start the nc over again? Does that break it?
I dont want to exagerate but lots of boys are attracted to me, i have lots of proposals, but i love this guy, i was already happy with my self, attending classes and gym and these kind of things, just in past year i lost my self confidence, mainly because of this relationship, and i want it back, it was my mojo!
do you think there is hope for us? Can i make him respect me? Or should i let him go for good? I want it to be in my terms not his.
Thanks a lot for your help

Shin

January 30, 2017 at 7:09 pm

Hi again,
Its day 18 on my nc, still nothiiing from him! I mean we work together but thats it, no calls, no texts, nothing!
I am pissed really! Today he was flirting with someone and i was furious inside, i controlled my emotions and stayed as calm as possible on the outside. But i dont know if i can handle another situation like this, i was thinking he is a liar, a hypocrite, and lots of other names
But i tried to focus on work, being intrested in patients and asking lots of questions about them.
Sometimes he just start talking about other stuff, i just smile and try to change the subject back to work, thats the only time in a day i feel like he is trying to make contact, but just not hard enough…
Also my swimming lessons just started and im having so much fun, i was in a really good mood before the whole flirting situation, and i cant believe im letting him ruin my happiness!!!
But i still love him, and fantasize him, i cant stop it 🙁
Oh, also, he only uses telegram, so my options for social media activity is very limited 🙁
What should i do for the next 12 days? Should i extend the nc to 45 days? Do you recommend that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 2:47 pm

if you want to extend to 45 days so you can improve more that’s ok.. if he’s flirting in front of you, that’s probably to make you jealous
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 7:37 pm

Hi Shin,

Im not sure the best option is to go back to him but if you really want him to respect you, then dont sleep with him again and dont chase..

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