Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Rachel

April 29, 2016 at 9:10 am

Hey, me and my ex had a relationship of 6 months. He broke up with me because he didnt felt anything for me anymore, one week after our breakup he started to date all of a sudden another girl. Now one month later their relationship is over and he’s single again. I still love him i’ve been chasing him for over 2years right now and sometimes our chats go okay and sometimes it turns into a fight. I was attatched to him and that was my fault i dont talk to him only if he starts talking to me because i dont want to scare him off. I guess he is sad right now and i really have the urge to ask “are you okay” but i can’t somehow.. what do you think?

Greetings xo

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 10:50 am

HI Rachel,

have you tried nc?? yes, you have not been together over two years.. but you haven’t done improving yourself and meeting other people too.. chasing him for two years means you held onto him too much.. start your own life first.. build your confidence first.

sam

April 28, 2016 at 11:24 pm

hi. After the Nc I message him and second day I made him jealous through message which was a succeed as he got annoyed. What should I do next or text as we talk through social media?
Cay

April 27, 2016 at 8:45 pm

Hi!
I figured I would seek out some advice because this website is completely geared towards exes! I started seeing someone about 2 1/2 months ago- Valentines Day was our first date. After a few weeks, I said “I really like you” and it freaked him out. He said things were moving too fast. The kicker is, two weeks later, he asked me to be exclusive. I was surprised but went with it because I liked him. After we became exclusive, he started acting really shut off, distant. I was getting really mixed messages. Then I had to say something because it felt weird. He said he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I understood and said we could slow it down. We did that for a couple of weeks and I was still feeling the mixed signals. I eventually had to say something and we decided we should end it and he said he should have told me sooner. I’ve never been with someone so hot and cold. We also have seen each other every weekend since we met. Now I haven’t contacted him, this is the 3rd day. Because the relationship was so spotty to begin with is it worth implanting the No Contact rule or should I just move on? I feel like there was something there and he has some “emotional unavailability” blah blah, or he just wasn’t as into me as he lead on. Any advice would be sweet!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 6:49 am

Hi Cay,
do nc so that both of you could think and then see after nc if you still want to try with him..

Alice

April 27, 2016 at 1:39 pm

Hey Team.

So I completed my 30 days of no contact. Felt kind of good. I’ve calmed down a lot, done a lot with my friends and kept my mind off him a lot. I did my first text message last Tuesday and he got back to me on the Friday. I almost squealed when I got it. He said he ‘was curious’ and I just kept thinking to myself “well duh. It was a ‘guess what’ curiosity text.” But I had to wait longer than the hour since I had to lock my phone away for work. Still, sent him a message late that night “I told him how I played in this game he told me about at a university event and my team came first throughout the night!) and he hasn’t got back to me yet. Not worried though. Will send another of those confession texts telling him about how I’m seeing a friend in a play or attending this huge festival where I’ll meet some local artisan chefs or even about this complicated art project I’m doing for a friends birthday. But I’m not worried about the lack of response back to mine. I think Friday is his contact day at his air force base so I’m really happy I got anything at all!

Just want to say thank you for everything. Hopefully he’ll start responding to me more regularly and, with time, start with the phone calls before we see each other again if he gets stationed close to home. I know it’s going to be a long progress but I’m hopeful. Thank you for putting this up online too.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 5:06 am

Thank you for updating us too Alice!!

Ariel

April 24, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Hi Amor. (Beautiful name by the way)
This might be a little long but here goes nothing…. I and my ex met through school and we started to hang out. As we talked, we found out we had more in common than we thought! And one night we were hanging out and he asked me out. I felt ecstatic and I said yes, and we had our small fights but more great times then fights. Then one day after a month and a half, he just broke up with me with no explanation whatsoever and I was heartbroken. He was my first serious relationship. I, of course did what any girl would do…I would as for an explanation nearly every day but he didn’t have one. At one point, I asked one of my guy friend (His best friend) to asked my ex what happened and tell me. And my ex said that yes he still loved me but it was hard to have a relationship with me because of our parents and whatnot. (I, personally, thought it was because he was afraid of having a serious relationship at the time. It was hard for him to open up to anyone). After a month and a half of mopping for my ex I decided I needed to move on, so i dated my ex’s best friend, who I was always close to. When my ex found out, he was furious and told me why I would do that. And I told him it was because I though I like my and his best friend. He freaked out and cussed me out and told me that he still cared about me. I didn’t know what to say. So i told him it was too late, even though I wasn’t over him. So after we broke up, we barely spoke for a couple of months and when we did it was like “How are you?” “Good, you?” “Good too” and we never went past that for MONTHS….Fast forward a year later. I am still dating my best friend (his ex-best friend now) and I can’t help but think about my ex, I always think about him and I know I shouldn’t, which is why I am breaking up with my boyfriend. My ex and I talk at least once a week, he also started to date for the first time since we broke up. Yet, he still calls me his “boo” and “bae” and says “I love you”. He also shows me some of their messages like when he asked her out and the valentines he sent her, so I am also confused. Is he trying to make me jealous? Does that me he still has feelings for me too?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi Ariel,

Thank you 🙂 The more important question is, what would you say if he asked you why you broke up with your current boyfriend? For me you should be honest, but do it in a way that you’re not pleading him and not revealing what you really feel about him, yet. Just tell that you’re not being fair to current bf because you’re not loving him equally as your current bf loves you. If he asks if you still love him, ask him why he’s asking. And then, take more time for yourself. Don’t hang out with him more all of a sudden. It’s better if you learn to be more emotionally stable and independent before trying to build rapport with him again. We don’t know if he still has feelings for you.. But taking time for yourself more, may help him realize that if he still has feelings for you.

MEA

April 18, 2016 at 4:53 pm

Dearest Mr. Chris and EBR Team.

First and foremost, I apologize for this email will be very very long and boring and perhaps the longest among all the messages you’d ever received. The reason is because I really want this very detailed as much as possible and to help me understand HIS REASON/S, what went wrong.
—————————————-

My man & I had been together for two blissful & colorful years and broke up with me after my birthday. We met each other’s families, even came with me in my country and met my family, and were planning to visit his side soon. We started building dreams and plans for the future, like getting settled and having our own family.
He told me he’s about to propose marriage to me on that day he broke up with me. I was left without words after that. I bombarded him with long messages begging to talk about what happened and what went wrong. I still didn’t know about the NC RULE when this happened. He said he’s felt that I am not yet ready for commitment and doesn’t want to marry him. He said he doesn’t have much patience to wait for me when to be ready since he’s not getting any younger. I am 26 and he’s 30. Keep telling that “He’s not good; He’s a “BAD GUY”, fucked, and messed person; I cannot be happy with him; He doesn’t deserve to be happy; He’s sending me away to protect me from him; That I will suffer from him; It will be better for me to leave him; He’s hopeless man; He found the right one-that’s “me”- but he just can’t come back to me because “THAT IS HIM”—and these words he’s telling me is what I was and am trying to figure out ’til now of what he means by this. He said he’s happy and contented with how our relationship was, and I was the only woman he’d think to have family with. I asked him why end our relationship when it’s starting to fall into place, like we’re already a step closer? He answered me that he thought he could change his self and finally he found someone to help him–(through me) yet he’s still a hopeless man. Yet until now in our conversation he’s always bringing the topic that I was running from a responsibility which is “Marriage”.
We only spoke personally twice, and the rest of the conversations are thru Messenger and WhatsApp only, and he’s just and still pushing me away, maybe because I kept bugging him to talk about us. At first he was still replying. Then I came to this idea to check google about articles on “What to do exactly after breakup-thing” and I realized I DID SO MANY WRONGS THAT MADE MY MAN PUSH ME MORE AWAY FROM HIM.
2 months after the breakup (while still in communication with him) he sent me a message and told me to “do one more, but slowly this time” and I gave him a chance. After a few days being romantic, he’s distant and cold again — and broke up with me…again. He said it’s not the same like before, that it’s going nowhere, and he lost respect for me. I was really shattered to pieces!
Romantically we’re not together at this moment, but we’ve had made love/sex twice already. I admit, I loved it yes, and sure he does. He’s telling me the words he used to tell me back then. We both feel the same old feelings before. We know that our Love for each other is still present. But there’s no commitment, no relationship status, nothing. And I don’t/didn’t like it… I mean, what is this: Ex with Benefits? A Friends with Benefits thing???! I sent him an email and told him I have accepted the breakup and we should give each other some space.
On the 3rd month though it was awkward, I invited him for a coffee and a walk on the seaside. He was asking me for what’s the “catching up” all about and said we’ve been busy at work these past week. He was on willing state. It was actually the same-thing we did a year ago. I knew he remembered it, but I was avoiding any conversation that leads to our relationship because we might end up discussing things. We talked about our individual plans. He said he’s going back to his country. I am sad and hurt yes. I thanked and kissed him on his cheeks when we parted. And after that catch up I was on attempt to apply the NC.
Then I saw this tinder app (which I found out he also have) and I tried to join. After 7 Days of NC he sent me a message that he found me on ‘tinder’ and I broke the rule of NC because of the exchange of messages we had. I knew he was jealous knowing there will be “MEN” that are going to send me messages and will flirt with me, and yes there are men texting me on this app. For the first time I FELT THAT FEELING: I CHEATED ON MY MAN (even if we’re not together for 4 months already). On the other hand I have to keep it going to make him feel jealous and realized and wants to get back to me. After that I finally decided to DO THE NC ONE LAST TIME WITHOUT BREAKING IT. And now I am on my 16th day.

Honestly I really don’t know what to text him after I will finish a month (or more) of NC. I keep myself occupied so I won’t think of him much often. I also work on improving myself, my physical look so whenever we bump on each other he’d say he’s lost HIS “THE ONE,” these kind of changes…
We are still friends on FB and on tinder. Happy to know he didn’t block me on any of his accounts nor phone. He still sees my posts on my social networks. And we even meet at work, casual Hi’s.

Please…
Help me understand MY MAN’S REASONS. There’s NO THIRD PARTY involved. I need some pieces of advices and enlightening words of what have gone wrong, what I could and should do, and the DON’Ts for the near future before he leaves to his country for good forever?

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH, AND GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU! 🙂

MEA

April 30, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Hi Amor.

It’s me again.
2 more days and I’m over this NC-rule. Should I be the one to text him when I’m over the month of NC? As I have told you I don’t know how long will I do the NC, really.

Recently I was out with my friends and posted happy pictures of myself and them on my facebook. Then I posted a single picture “addressed” only to him. The next day I saw him posting on his facebook, a picture I took with him wearing our couple shirt with that “cartoon character” I “addressed” to him on my post. Honestly I don’t know how to start talking to him as I do not know how to begin. I wanted to ask him what’s that “post” about? The thought of missing the person I have loved so dearly though it’s been five months is sad, however I am focusing more on improving myself and avoid such thoughts involving him.

Looking forward to hear from you soon, EBR Team.
God bless. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 1:56 pm

if you’re not ready that’s ok.. try to compile interesting topics for him or whatever he’s been doing lately that you can talk about.. start with that.. or react to one of his posts.
MEA

April 19, 2016 at 11:16 pm

Hello there. Thank you very much for the quick response. 🙂

He felt I wasn’t ready for marriage-thing. I must agree. It was I who keep/kept on postponing things whenever he talks about marriage with me. I told him to wait for 3 to 4 months because during those days (around November, two weeks prior to the breakup). I had that feeling I wasn’t physically, mentally and emotionally ready yet. Another factor is my family, they don’t want me to get married yet since I still have to support them. But I am (was) for sure I really want to spend the rest of my life with this man until we get old. I told him clearly about this. And he was very understanding but was slowly losing patience. [However I know that whenever a man proposes marriage to his woman that doesn’t mean getting married the next day of course!]
Fights? I can’t say there were serious issues between us which we didn’t manage to solve. He got so busy due to his position at work that he lost a lot of his time for us yet I have tried my best to be very understanding because I know he needs his woman’s support. I could recall several times I’d call him to ask and check “How’s Us?” (referring to our relationship) which would give him a cue that I am asking for “space” but when I hear him and his reasons (or beg out), it would calm me down and again we’re working us out. I believe he got fed up through this so he decided to push me away. 🙁
Our pictures are still on each other’s facebook. Even old posts. He went to dating once, but when that girl saw our picture she didn’t contact him again. When we spoke trying to win me back, he told me he “Cheated” (him referring to the date) while we were apart.

Please, I really need help here. I want to win and keep my love back. But before this to happen, I have to fully understand him and what were the mistakes I did.

Thank you very much. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 2:40 pm

ok, you need to really focus on yourself this time and improve.. Especially because he said that he lost respect for you.. Maintain yourself and have fun! when you get to to start talking again, take it slow. Don’t talk about the heavy stuff right ahead. If he starts then maintain to be calm even if he starts to be emotional. Make it a point, that’s it’s not that you don’t want to be married to him because you still have the feeling of wanting to spend the rest of your life with him.. It’s not just right time for you and your family financially and emotionally.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 7:16 pm

Hi Mea,

why does he say you’re not ready yet? Have you refused him or have u been fighting a lot? were you clingy?

Samantha

April 16, 2016 at 8:32 pm

Hi! My ex bf and I were in distance relationship 2 months but he broke up with me over a year ago. After that we kinda tried to remain friends but he was hurting me non-stop and then stopped talking to me. A few months later he broke the silence to tell me he started dating hid childhood friend. A few more months later he said they broke up and he got back with his ex (the one he was dating before me) and then started ignoring me Completely. He unfriended and blocked me everywhere. It’s been over 4 months so far since that happened. Why’d he block me so suddenly? I didn’t do anything. I wasn’t being clingy then, I didn’t even answer to him when he bragged about his passions. Why?… Is there anything I could do about it? And is there any possible way he’ll come back to me? (I still love him)

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 6:43 am

Hi Samantha,

it’s better to move on from him.. He might have blocked you because he thinks you will bother him anytime soon after that news..

Grace

April 16, 2016 at 3:02 pm

Hello! My bf and I broke up about 2 weeks ago because we had not stopped fighting. We first started off with just a break which lead to a full on breakup because I couldn’t accept the break. We were together for a year and a half and I just know we’re meant to be together. We’ve talked a few times since the breakup and some days would be good and some are bad because he says I’m very demanding and I was never satisfied after he gave me everything. He said he fell out of love with me because he didn’t feel appreciated. I love him so much and I don’t want to let go :/ please help me

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 6:36 am

Hi Grace,

if he says you’re very demanding, that can mean you were clingy.. Are you going to do nc?

Lia

April 14, 2016 at 7:30 pm

Hello!
My boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me few days back. We started to date because he fell in love with me and basically forced me to get into relationship. He is very charming and I fell in love too. We had dated for a bit more than month when he confessed he still can’t forget the girl that broke his heart by playing with him, never actually wanting to be with him. He took 2 months to decide does he want to be with me. Few days back he broke up saying he still is very confused, but feels like he cheated on me since during this period he searched for the contact with her, thought of her, invited her to his bd party etc., but he still can’t decide with whom of us he wants to be.
Since the break up I haven’t reached out to him, but he texted me in the 4th day – on phone and on fb, apologizing and saying he still adores me and wants to keep in touch with me, even if we won’t get back together. I won’t respond him for 30 days but I know he studies together with the other girl and I am worried his obsession will only grow while during these 30 days he will forget about me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hi Lia,

Be thankful that he was honest with you.. It’s better to lose him than to stay as his 2nd option only.

Shelton

April 13, 2016 at 8:26 pm

So my ex fiancé and I have been broken up for two weeks and just got out of our 2 1/2 year relationship. When we first broke up I did exactly what everybody does, text him nonstop until I get a reply. Well he ended up blocking me on all social media and I continued to call him off of a private number. Well last week he changed his phone number after I came to his house to try to talk to him. He threatin to call the police and get a restraining order on me. Once he did that I went home, only for him to call me off of a private number to say he isn’t going to get restraining order on me, but he is done with me. Well, starting yesterday(week later) he contacted me on Instagram saying that he still wants to be friends and still wants to be in my life. But said he is not interested in a relationship with me at all. So we texted all night and we were flirting with each other a little bit but it ended with him not responding for a day. When he finally responded he said he can tell that I want more and he isn’t going to talk to me if I keep pushing a relationship on him. So I sent him one last text saying that I hate that he is pushing me away like this, but he is welcome to call me whenever he needs someone to talk to and that I will always love him and I can’t be just friends with him(I want to be with him). He responded saying that he wants to be only friends with me once again. This time, I didn’t respond to him. Is this the perfect opportunity to start no contact rule or should I have ended it in a different manner? He is honestly the love of my life and we had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but we always stayed together and we always loved each other through the thick and thin. I want this man to still be my husband, one day. What should my next move be?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 8:51 am

Hi Shelton,

yes, it’s time to do no contact..portray in your no contact that you’re moving on so he’ll think you’re just friendly when you start to talk again

Alia

April 13, 2016 at 12:43 am

Hi,

My bf of just 2 months ended it a couple days ago. We met online and connected emotionally very quickly and very deeply with personal, vulnerable things. We both were very good about checking in wth one another throughout the relationship about being on the same page with how we were feeling about each other and the relationship and anytime we had conflict, the conversations always went very well. I don’t have very much long-term relationship history. HIs last relationship was a couple years ago and lasted 3 years. He talked sometimes about how he was always used to having relationships having lots of high highs and low lows and a drama to them and ours didn’t. How sometimes that made him wonder if something was missing but he knew that having that roller coaster wasn’t really sustainable or what he wanted in a healthy relationship. Just two weeks before the relationship he was sharing with me how close and connected he felt with me. He was the one to initiate the talk of moving from just dating to bf/gf, and had mentioned excitement around introducing me to more friends and family. Earlier in the week that he ended it, he’d even said something to me where he referred to when we were together in the future and “such and such thing happened”, what would I do?

When he ended it, he told me that he had started thinking more about the trajectory of the relationship and if he was ready for it to become more serious and long term. In thinking about that, he realized that he “just had a gut feeling that long term we wouldn’t be a good match.” He wasn’t able to identify why. I’m obviously so confused. I had a gut feeling something really special was happening between us and there was nothing wrong in our relationship to point to. I have not been very good about not communicating with him since the break up (3 days ago), but I have been clear with him that despite being confused and not wanting it to end and being really sad, I wouldn’t ask someone who didn’t want to be with me to come back to me.

Given that he ended it and he seems very set in his decision, does any of the advice on this page even apply to me? Help…

Alia

April 14, 2016 at 5:45 pm

Do you think I need to remind him that I think we are really good together before I do nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 2:19 pm

how would you do that?
Alia

April 14, 2016 at 7:17 am

He said that he knew that that drama he described wasn’t healthy and wasn’t what he really wanted in a relationship. We’d have conflict but we always had very respectful, honest discussions that went well when that happened. Less than a week before he ended it he was telling me how close he felt to me, referring to us doing things together in the future and doing activities were we were sharing new activities together. So I don’t know…all he could tell me was he had this gut feeling it wouldn’t work out long term. He said we could happily keeping dating like we were dating for a long time, but ultimately we’d hit the same point and it would be harder later. But he couldn’t tell me what this gut feeling of it not being a good match “long term” meant. In general, he was very honest and blunt and really told it how he saw it so I don’t think he was sugar coating, but maybe. I’m unsure if any of the advice on this site can really help in a situation like ours…
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 12:49 pm

that means there’s one attitude of yours or something that you value that he doesn’t and maybe he noticed it one time but brushed it off, but the feeling of incompatibility because of that is still there… if you want, you can try to do nc and live your best life..show him that you’re trying to be happy.. people are attracted to happiness, and he might miss you and change his mind because of that
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 4:44 am

Hi Alia,

you said he had relationships where there was high highs and low lows, I don’t mean to offend but could it be that he found your relationship boring later on?

lyndsey

April 12, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi Amor,

Hope yo can help.

So i just finished NC and i made first contact with my ex. It went really well he asked about how i was and showed interest in what i’ve been up, his last message i responded straight away. I guess i got so excited that we were back in contact again and he hasn’t replied yet. This was on Friday.

What should i do?

Thanks so much

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:47 pm

Hi Lyndsey,

Since it’s been last week, try to initiate again. That’s ok, as long as you’re the one to end the convo at high point.

Jane

April 11, 2016 at 7:19 pm

Hey .. i want to share my story with you ..
I meet my ex 5 monthes ago .. he was the boss of this big event in my city ..
Long story short ..
I was a model .. and he saw me .. asked me out after the event ..
When he said that he liked me he talked about getting engaged soon .. choosing the house to live in .. etc ..
I liked how confidant he was .. plus .. he’s perfect .. any girl would like to date him .. CEO of a big company .. perfect age for me .. nice looking .. and very kind ..
I told him to take things slow .. he said joking that i have a week to decide when our engagement will be ..
We started dating. . He introduced me to his friends as his GF ..
Ok .. so I’m a very shy person .. I wasn’t comfortable with it..
I didn’t show him alot of interest in the relationship. . I cancelled dates due to work .. or being tiered. . Or because Im going with my friends .. i know. .y mistake .. ok .. but i wasn’t feeling ot for him yet .. after more than one month .. i was really beginning to like him .. but didn’t really change my behaviour … but we were going out every day .. so .. our 3rd month together .. and i was unable to show him how much I loke him due toy shyness 🙁
We had a fight .. our first one .. because he was busy for a week .. and i felt that he was distanced from me 🙁 .. in this fight .. i apologised when he told me the reasons ..and i told him I’m sorry and that I understand now .. and it’s not a problem any more .. and it’s normal because “we are still getting to know each others” .. he told me to go home and that we will talk later because he had to go to a meeting ..
Next day he asked me for a break because he was sick and had this big important meeting in a few days and he need to focus on it .. I agreed ..
When he was back from the meeting .. he called me the next day .. and asked me out .. I was busy and said no .. so we meet after 2 days ” he called again because i wasnt talking to him .. i was really upset from this break thing he asked me for ” .. we went to see a movie. . He was quite and he wasn’t himself. .. later that day I talked to him .. and he tolde that he is angry from me .. and that I’m not supportive. . And I’m selfish .. and that he was running from.our problem. . And he wanted us to calm down before we talk about it .. and that he felt that some thing was broken between us when I said ” we are still getting to know each others” which he took as if I’m considering him as a friend. .
Next day he called and told me he want us to saty friends .. because we are tow different persons who wants two different things. . And he was more comfortable in the break more he was in our relationship. . And that he tried his best to be with me .. and that I need to re-arrange my priorities. . And that it’s ok .. because we were just getting to know each others ..
So.. it’s been a month now ..
I tried to approach him as a friend many times .. he always replied in a few hours .. but he never start a conversation with me ..
Last contact was on his bd .. i just wished him a happy birthday. . And that’s all
He said thanks
So .. i know my mistakes .. I know it’s 75% my fault. . But I don’t know what to do. . I like him ALOT .. but I’m unable to show my feelings till I’m sure from them!
Any help will be appreciated

Jane

April 18, 2016 at 10:07 pm

Hey Amor ,
Thanx for taking time to reply and read my story ..
I haven’t contacted him science the first of April ..
I talked to him only once after we broke up .. asked him to clear things out for me .. he said that we are from to different words .. and we want different things .. etc ..
But i wished him a happy birthday on his BD .. it was like a week ago ..
What do you thing I should do?
I really want him back
Do you think i have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 7:05 am

actually I think if you go into no contact and improve yourself..have your own life and all and do the things he likes doing, he might be interested again but if ever you have to communicate clearly what your pace is in a relationship.. but I don’t think he would change his idea that you’re too different any time soon, unless you really show the changes during nc…
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 12:20 pm

Hi Jane,

I don’t think you made a mistake taking it slow.. I think it was more of communicating to him that you’re in the same pace as him.. when did you last contact him? how many days has it been?

Kait

April 8, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Hi, me and my ex split up Sunday after a stupid row. I said some things I didn’t mean, I admit I was out of order, but he said horrible things too. He said he doesn’t love me and hasn’t in months and he hates the person I am. He looked me in the eyes and said he doesn’t love me and he also said he doesn’t want me there, so I went home in tears. Saturday(the day before we broke up) we slept together and when I asked him why he’d slept with me if he didn’t love me he said because it feels good. I was on this website back in November after we broke up and I managed to get him back the next month. He didn’t text me as all, he’d ignore my texts and he’d avoid any place he know i’d be. He’s doing exactly that all over again 🙁 Do I stand a chance at getting him back again? or have I completely blown it. I haven’t heard from him at all since the break up and I haven’t text him either. We usually see each other weekends (we live 2 hours apart) and this is the first weekend in months I haven’t seen him for. I didn’t want to text him today incase he thought I was doing it just so I can see him.. He’s been non stop gaming with his guy friends since the break up. He’s said before he doesn’t love me and hasn’t in months and also said he only got back with me because I made him. When I said to him why don’t you just block me if you feel that way, he just said why would I go to that much effort and how any normal person would just accept it and move on, but he’s really confusing as he does things that make me think he does love me. Last time we split in November he brought me something on one of my favourite games. Also for Christmas he brought me a pandora bracelet with a teddy bear charm which said I love you on it. And recently about two weeks ago we both started playing a game together and he brought membership on there for me. Why would he do that if he didn’t love me? I’m just so confused and don’t know what to believe. Someone please help me.. I’m scared I’ve completely blown my chances and that he won’t reply if I text him and if I do he’ll say his minds made up. I love this guy more than anything 🙁

Kait

April 9, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Hi, thanks for reply. I didn’t make him come back, I just wanted to get back together 🙁 if he really didn’t want to be with me, why did he take me back? I really love this guy more than words can say and want to make things work. He also rang me this morning and it rang once and then stopped. I didn’t answer it as I was out at the time, but I text him a few hours later saying ‘sorry I missed your call earlier, was it important?’ but he hasn’t replied :(why would he do that? was it a mistake? or did he miss me or want to say something but chickened out? pleease help 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 5:25 am

it’s hard to tell but if it’s really important, he would text it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 7:29 am

Hi Kait,

lookw like you’re a young couple and that means you’re still emotionally immature.. Maybe he said that out of emotion too.. this time, try to aim.to be more independent.. it’s really hard but if he said you only made him come back, then it’s better to just move on because he will just think you’re chasing him again if you contact him

Stacey

April 7, 2016 at 7:43 pm

My Ex and I were together for 2 1/2. We were talking about getting married and he was pushing for marriage. When he went to buy the ring he said, he felt like he was just buying a piece of jewelry. He said, he didn’t know what was wrong with his head. He told me that he loved me but he wasn’t in love with me. However, he was going to miss me.I begged him to go to therapy and he refused to go to therapy and work on our relationship. We broke up on Oct. 21st and he started to date his new girlfriend in Nov.
I finally got myself together and did the bno contract rule in Jan. I have sent him 1-2 text messages per month since Feb. I usually text something that he likes or about a trip we took and how fun it was. Once he sends me a text then I tell him I have to go bc I’m busy. I sent him a text and asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink just as friends. He replied back and said, unfortunately he was going to be out of town. What do I reply back with? What’s my next move? I am still friends with his friends and a lot of them have told we that the new girlfriend isn’t anything great and they miss me.

Stacy

April 11, 2016 at 7:21 pm

I sent him a text and he didn’t text me back which is weird. He has always sends me a text back. I told him maybe we could get a drink some other time. Then I talked about a memory we shared about the dog. Should I back off and text Hine in a couple of days? What should I say or talk to him about?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 12:37 pm

Hi Stacy,

try to stop for a week before texting him again..try something current, news, weather an event, so it sounds more natural
Stacy

April 11, 2016 at 12:53 pm

I didn’t contact him in the 30 day no contact rule. I did have a make over and change somethings. I have been posting things on my Facebook. However, we aren’t friends on Facebook but I’m still friends with all of his friends on Facebook. Should I respond to his text about being out of town or just keep texting him things about our relationship or stuff he likes to strike up a conversation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:30 pm

respond, that’s a queue that he wants to talk about it
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 5:15 am

Hi Stacey,

have you been active during no contact? did you do new things, had a makeover, has new activities ans actively posting it? if not, you have to do that.. when he said he doesn’t feel inlove that means he lost desire for you

CA

April 7, 2016 at 11:30 am

Hi. I was dating this guy for two and a half weeks, didn’t see him for almost an entire month (texting was scant) and then things really got moving over the course of six weeks to the point that he went all out on Valentine’s Day, spending over a thousand dollars (I’m estimating) in the process. He had said I was easy to talk to, that we worked really well together, introduced me his friends and told his family about me. I presented the idea of going to New Orleans together (I was going for a work conference) in about a month a few days after V-Day and he said that he was swamped with work. Then two weeks after V-day and that discussion, he broke up with me saying that he didn’t think he could ever fall in love with me and there were times in the relationship where he felt he was forcing things. We’re both 33 and he said that we should end things since we’re getting older. I asked if he wanted to just slow things down instead of breaking up altogether and he said he would much rather do the latter. I said that it is very rare to find someone who you get along with so well. I sent him a couple of texts immediately after letting him know that I still thought he was an amazing person and wished him good luck.
I’ve done No Contact for a little over 30 days. It was hard getting through it but I was more productive at work, caught up on my TV watching and hanging with friends. I went back on online dating sites. Despite all this, I want him back. I don’t need him but I do want him back.
I texted him the following last night: “Hey. Hope you are well. I just saw the Kimmy Schmidt season 2 trailers and they are hysterical. 🙂 They made me think of you.” I haven’t heard from him yet. Of course I’m freaking out. Texted him at around 9 pm and no response in the past 12 hours.
How long do I wait and where do I go from here? Any help would be appreciated.

CA

April 18, 2016 at 2:40 pm

I actually did all of that. I ended up texting him 3 days later. I know that I probably shouldn’t have done this but I did say that I thought we worked well together and that I’d like to reconnect as we there are so many things we never got to do together and that I can see love growing through shared experiences. It’s been over a week and I haven’t heard from him. I’m working on moving on. Unfortunately, he’s on a lot of dating sites that I’m on.
As I said, I’m trying to meet new people but I would like to know if your opinion is that he has really moved on and if things are really over between us based on his lack of response or if he just needs more time to process the fairly long text that I had sent? I was at least hoping for a response, positive or negative. I fully do not plan on sending any more texts to him.
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 5:45 pm

yeah, if it takes a week that he doesn’t reply.. then it is better to just move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 3:16 am

Hi CA,

Have you veen actively posting too and aaide from work, actively improving yourself and building a life? Having a makeover or joining a new class where you meet new people? Try to do that too.. try again after 3 days..of he doesn’t reply.. last attempt before moving on should be last week from your last text

Emily

April 6, 2016 at 10:50 pm

Hi Amor,
You have replied to me in the No Contact Rule Comments section. I would say I got a neutral to positive response from my first contact message to which I ended the conversation. A few hours later he texted me and we exchanged about 30-40 texts over the course of an hour. It was a friendly conversation, nothing too deep and we did not talk about our relationship or feelings. I ended the conversation saying it was late and I needed to get to sleep and it was nice talking to him. He said same to you goodnight.

My general question is during the texting phase, am I supposed to be the one to keep initiating conversations? Should I always do it the next day or give him a day or two in-between to reach out to me? It has been two days since first contact.

Thank you.

emily

April 22, 2016 at 8:21 pm

Can I ask what you mean by “Take your time, you may be right”

Also in your opinion, does drunk texting mean anything? I have been asleep every single time he has sent one, often replying the next day.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 2:08 pm

oh sorry.. I meant that let’s wait for a text from him when he’s sober.. with drunk texting…, it depends, sometimes it’s the only time he’s telling the truth, but it can also be that he’s just saying what he wasn’t able to say before and he’s just saying it now out of guilt..
emily

April 20, 2016 at 10:52 pm

I texted to ask how the trip was to which I got no reply. I think it is best that I stop initiating any texting conversations, unless he does. If he drunk texts me do I not reply, reply the next day or not at all? I am so confused with the mixed signals of sending drunk texts the past 2 weekends, but then not responding to me this week. Do I need to move on? Go back into no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 4:23 pm

it’s better to not reply to a drunk text. It’s okay if you want to do that! take your time you may be right!
Emily

April 17, 2016 at 2:18 pm

Update: I received a snapchat message from him this weekend saying “Come to South Carolina” Could I used this as a way to text him to ask how the trip was? I am getting very confused about the hot and cold. What’s the best way to handle this? Do we need to text more before asking to meet up?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 4:30 am

Yes, you need to text more because you need to build rapport.. The purpose of texts is to lead to calls and the calls to build more rapport and attraction to lead for meetups.
emily

April 15, 2016 at 8:40 pm

So I have not made an attempt to try again. He is away for the weekend with his parents, originally I was invited to go with them a few months back =( Do you think it would probably best to wait until after he gets back to try texting again? It’s been 5 days since we last texted.
emily

April 14, 2016 at 2:14 am

I’m worried the longer I wait the harder it will be to engage him. But part of me feels like I should wait until after the weekend to text him. Should I stick with natural topics (weather, current events, something building off of our last convo) Or should I come up with an engaging text?

I’m worried he stopped responding because he wasn’t sure how to react or is confused or I was too forward. I am very nervous he will not respond to me. I don’t want to become a text gnat. So far every time I have ended the conversation on a high note he has reached out. He however ended the most recent by not responding and has not reached out. I feel like I made progress and I do not want to give up. I don’t want to wait around for him to text me. If I am the one that truly wants him back do I take the risk by reaching out again even if it means he could not respond or send a hurtful response, even though he has been positive up until this point?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 11:59 am

That’a why it’s better not to text right ahead so you won’t appear as a text gnat.. It actually has a limit.. if you tried three times and he didn’t respond, that means you have to move on.. Stay with light topics at first..
emily

April 11, 2016 at 8:52 pm

I ended up sending a text about a tv show because it was before I saw your reply. This was Sunday evening. No response. Did I ruin my chances? Do I need to go back into no contact for a little while?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 3:36 pm

nope you don’t have to, let’s wait 2 days before trying again
Emily

April 10, 2016 at 8:11 pm

I initiated conversations Thursday and Friday regarding an event in the city near my apartment. Positive responses and me ending on a high note. He said he hopefully he will see me. We ended up not seeing each other however after I went to sleep on Friday I had two texts from him “Where are you?” and “Are you awake?” I responded Saturday and we texted for about 5 hours. Things were definitely flirty between us (maybe too sexual) but it was a good conversation. Certain parts of the conversation felt like either one of us could have initiated a meet up but neither of us did. Again I ended saying I was going out with friends for dinner and to text me later if he wanted to talk. He texted “How was your night out?” I was already asleep so I responded this morning. We exchanged a few more flirty texts. I ended up saying “I wish we were comfy together instead of just talking about it” because we were both talking about how we didn’t want to get out of bed and start the day. I know I was probably too forward with that. He did not respond. How should I go about continuing texting? A TV show text that we watched together, a good memories text? I don’t want to end up coming off to easy to get but I feel like I have been making progress and don’t want to mess it up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 11:45 am

That’s ok, you’re making progress choose what’s current, news, weather, event of a friend.. coz it sounds more natural
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 1:44 am

it’s okay of you initiate but better if he does.. keep the convos short at first so ,it doesn’t become boring in the long run before you transition to calls.. politely end the convo when it’s in high note

Julis

April 4, 2016 at 5:51 pm

How do I reply when he asks (text)
“Why did you text me today?”
We haven’t spoken for weeks, I got a positive reply but he asked this. Is the truth of, I missed you ok?

Julis

April 5, 2016 at 8:21 am

We fell out over something really silly, not for the first time. he said he was embarrassed and ashamed after about how he had went on and I was right to “knock it on the head” I don’t know if he meant the relationship or the argument? He still texts me occasionally silly things during the day that remind him of me but if I message him he’s very short and off with the reply. But he does txt when he is drunk, I try not to reply to these, they are normally about news or a subject not feelings or us. Do you think he’s just playing games?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 10:56 am

maybe he’s unsure himself of what he should do..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 6:36 am

you can rephrase with it, you crossed my mind when I saw( what you texted)

Eve

April 4, 2016 at 6:38 am

Me and my boyfriend split up 29th Jan 2016 after a year together on skype. We spent about half of it long distance (the latter half). We split because I felt he stopped making priority for me and we agreed to go away for our anniversary but he put off planning it to the last minute until I couldn’t arrange cover at work. This caused the spiral of resentment and arguments that put the nail in the coffin of our relationship. Also, he interrogated me about putting deadlines about when I wanted to have children and where I saw our relationship going. I gave an arbitrary 5 years but mentioned that it depended on so many things. He then took a few days to freak out, go cold and left me saying that he didn’t see a future and didn’t want to continue anymore.

I did no contact for about 3 weeks broken only to check when he was arriving (he said that he was coming to London from when we skyped to see me in London in February) He didn’t and I went into no contact again for 3 weeks. I have managed to get a few positive responses from him and always try to end the interaction first. I’ve initiated a very short text convo once or twic a week. He has texted me back neutral responses last week and I went into no contact for a week and tried again. He has visited my profile on FB and liked one of my videos that I made in Sweden aboout 3 days but he flat out ignored my text yesterday about how beautiful sweden was and how similar it looks to his hometown, then thanking him for for making the effort to find me this rare beer he found me. It’s getting worse and it was quite a harmless but sweet text so I thought! What can I do now? I’m getting really down about it.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 2:44 pm

Try a more compelling topic after 2-3 days..of he doesn’t reply, give it 2 more attemps after a few days, if he doesn’t reply that means you have to stop

Jane

April 4, 2016 at 12:04 am

Hi Amor,

So far, everything has been working really well. I did NC for 30 days, got in touch with my ex yesterday, he responded really well and and we’ve been texting in letter-form (one long text, and he responds with one long text). Now, he’s asking if its ok if he calls me at some point because it would be nice to SPEAK to me. What do you think? Should I say to give it more time and take it slow, or take him up on it and let him call me? It’s only been two days, and to be honest, I’m a bit unprepared for what he might say or what I should say, after so long in NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 2:07 pm

Hi Jane,

I think yes but if you’re not prepared the that would be awkward.. but if you can make it short then it would lessen sounding awkward..

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