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Emily
December 21, 2013 at 5:50 pm
I was with a guy for over a year and every time he screwed up and came back I forgave him. Well in july he started with his ignoring and bs again and I just. Blocked his number and fb and started talking to someone else bc I was sick of his bs. And then in September I got crazy texting him and calling him out on the hurtful things hes done to me like the fake promises coming back for the night then leaving etc.(he was my first). He never would answer between sept. And now Dec I would occasionally hit him up with drunk texts or just prob being a b**** . It wasnt an everyday thing. So recently I just got tired of being mean and trying to cut him out of my life because its not what I wanted so earlier this week I told him I wanted him in my life and if I didnt hear from him that night id assume we werent in each others life well he called and I missed the call and he didnt hit me back. Up when I told him to hit me up later. So I texted him saying I understood we were over since he never called etc … idk what to do I feel like he still wants me around because he did call but now idk . If I stop texting him will he eventually miss me?
K
December 19, 2013 at 6:48 pm
Hi, I just wanted your input. My ex broke up with me a little over a week ago. We work together and we dated for 7 months and it was always intense. he tried to break up with me about two months into a relationship because of all the arguing, but I insisted we gave it another chance. We took a week off from us and then 2 months later I tried to break up with him, he begged me to give him another chance, I agreed, but only if I could take a break. So we had a 1 month break, then things were great. Then a few days later something bad happened at work and I was extremely stressed and depressed, so I ended it with him. He was crying, saying that he would find another job, that he loved me so much and didn’t want to break up. So I took him back the next day. For over a month everything was just perfect, I met his sister, then for Xmas he was going to take me to his hometown to meet his family etc. Then, over a week ago we spent 4 days at my house and had a huge fight and the next day he broke up with me. I was shocked, since a month before that he was begging me to take him back. Anyway, I asked if he really wanted that and he said he felt that was the right thing to do. So I wished him the best and didn’t contact him for a week. But we have to see each other at work every day and he’s been looking depressed, wouldn’t even look at me or talk to me. I have been acting very normal and cordial. I started going on dates with others and yesterday he saw that I got a text from a guy, since I had my phone on the table during our corporate Xmas dinner. He’s gotten very quiet. Today he’s been super quiet and kept staring at me during the meeting. Also, I found out that he told one of our co-workers that we dated and broke up last week. So, why is he trying to make me look bad and is being vindictive? He was the one who broke up with me and I’ve been trying to move on asap. And, do I have a chance to get him back? I still love him regardless of what he’s doing now and want to play my cards right. Please help!
Quinn
December 19, 2013 at 2:43 pm
My BF of almost 5 years broke up with me this week. I’m so gutted. We had a small argument which he used as the momentum to initiate this discussion. He was unclear with his reasons why but after our calm and rational discussion it seems that he just wasn’t willing to put in the effort to try and improve some of the “we” things, like “we should be more physicaly active”, ” we don’t do x,y,and z together”. He is also a very unemotional person, and he has difficulty dealing with his own feelings let alone mine, and I am a very emotional person (I think this is the real issue which has come up in the past) and I feel we had a communication breakdown that wasn’t addressed in the right way. I also have had a huge personal loss this fall of a family member and it put extra strain on me.
Anyways, I still love this guy to pieces. I’ve definately been too available, made it too easy for him to be with me.
He was very emotional at the breakup and in a phone call the day after. He was unable to say this is it for us forever when I asked and usually he’s pretty clear. I think he’s conflicted but feels like having us end will make him feel better in the long-term. It’s also his 30 birthday this week, and i think he’s re-evaluating things.
Since the break-up I sent him a text. But am now in NC, it’s so difficult because he was the best-friend I shared everything with, but I agree that I need to take this seemingly drastic step.
My Questions:
We’re both still really attracted to each other, have good sex, share common values, and a common sense of humour, and good intellectual stimulation. I see his inability to deal with my emotion and my perceived neediness, availability and emotionality as the nails in our relationship coffin.Am I absolutely delusional to think that we could get back together?
I have some significant time off over the holidays and have wanted to do something creative with grief, so I’ve started writing a song. He’s a super musical person, and I am not. At some point I’d like to share it with him (ie. video not in person), would after 30 days of NC be a reasonable time to share this?
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:49 pm
No you are not delusional but you have to be willing to accept this is not going to be an easy process. Yes, i think it would with the video.
Aaria
December 19, 2013 at 2:24 am
I’m confused. I did nc for a month throughout which he texted 3 times checking up on me. Of course, I didn’t respond. After the month was up I texted him the way you suggested. I got a fairly positive response, but he was back to ignoring me again. I waited a few days and tried the whole “confession” thing, and then ended the conversation by not replying. And then texted him again after a few days and he gave a short reply and was back to ignoring me again. Is this supposed to happen? Should I go back to nc?
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:30 pm
No, you need to find a way to get him hooked into the conversation.
Anette
December 18, 2013 at 11:17 pm
My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. He said I was too nice to him. Which was true. He told me he loved me, he even let me meet his daughter which no one other than his family and the childs mother has done, which is a big deal for him. He even talked about moving in together. Usually I think thats something that a women would bring up usually. Anyway, ive seen him cry, Ive been there for him even at his lowest.Than suddenly he just changed completely, not gradually. He started being mean to me ignoring me until he broke it off. When we first broke up he was so worried about me hating him. Now when I try to text or message him he just ignores it. But if his mom invites me over which is often. Hes super nice and acts like nothing changed even saying stupid things like, for instance if he takes his shirt off ,he’ll just say “Dont get excited ” or he’ll say things like ” you mad I wont cuddle with you”. I dont even bring any of that up. I texted him the other day and said,” are we just going to ignore eachother till we see one another in person?” I got a ” Yeah I guesss” than he never responds back. Is he just playing games? He never gives me a reason for him being mean.
Sorry this is so long, I just dont understand whats his problem.
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:12 pm
No, he is probably just upset with the whole situation.
Samantha
December 17, 2013 at 11:59 pm
So I was friends with this guys for about 2 years before he asked me out. We dated for a month but after a month I found out that he was a bit confused and didn’t know if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He thought he might only like me as a friend but wasn’t sure. I ended up breaking up with him 2 days after I found that out and it was too hard being with him when he wasn’t sure of his feelings. I saw him for the first time today and he ignored me. Is it possible that he still actually does have feelings and by giving him space would he come to me?
priya
December 17, 2013 at 11:18 am
sorry forgot to mention i didnt follow through with the NC rule first time around because i coulcnt resist him not talking to me..
brooke
December 17, 2013 at 5:29 am
During our relationship my ex has always been so patient and respectful towards me, In two years he has only raised his voice at me a few times and he had always said that I am the only one who understands him, his rock, and the only person who has stayed a constant in his life these past few years.. (he’s had a very stressful 2 years) He’s always said if we didnt work it he would never want to not speak or be on bad terms because we’ve been through too much.. Well now hes acting the opposite. for the last month of our relationship he was acting very distant.. I confronted him 10 days ago, he got so defensive and started yelling and broke up with me. We yelled back and forth and I stormed off.. I text him a long sappy message the same night and the next day and I got no answer and have not heard from him in 10 days. Why is he being like this? I can respect the breakup but it really hurts being ignored and that he does not care to end on good terms.. I suspect he lost feelings, I have been doing NC for 9 days but I a guy loses almost all feelings wouldnt NC make him forget about any small lingering feelings he may have left? Also should I assume that if he has not even bothered to reach out since the breakup that he is not affected at all?
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:58 pm
No it would do the opposite. However, it is what you do after NC that really reignites his feelings.
brooke
December 17, 2013 at 8:47 pm
Thank you, also it seems on his facebook he keeps becoming friends with a bunch of girls and a mutual friend has told me he’s been asking all these girls out on dates.. Do I still have a chance?
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:29 pm
This is just the normal guy thing to do.
mildred
December 17, 2013 at 1:24 am
So I really killed it. We are both 17. Right after we broke up, yeah he looked for me several times, and yeah I replied to all 🙁 I even called him as well. But what did I get from all that? Nothing. Cause the awkwardness was so obvious. Then came the talk. Where I apologized for getting so angry like I did and told him I missed him. He said he did too but that right now, with everything going on, he didn’t think he should have a gf anymore. That he was too young to be worrying about fighting blah blah blah. Which I understand cause we did kind of have it rough towards the end. Also, he is waaaay too involved in school. It was hard for us to even find time to hang out outside of school. Anyways, I see all that I did wrong now. I really want to try again, this time make it better. But there was a time where I shut him out. But terribly. He’d try to talk to me and I just replied politely and shortly. I even was a tiny bit mean in some occasion. Ugh. Ik. I’m dumb. I’ve tried fixing it, now that I see it all differently, but now he is indifferent. Not rude. But he’s not all googly eyes or totally interested in talking to me :/ I know he still cares though. He gets jealous when he sees me with guy friends. I’ve just been so bipolar that I feel like its too late to recover.. But I really really wish to try. What do you think? Is it possible? Or did I screw it up too badly? I feel like I gotta be my sweet self he liked again, but then you said that neediness scares them away.. So Idk what to do 🙁 hopefully you can help me.. Thank you <3
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:51 pm
You messed up but it’s not broken completely if that makes any sense.
Kellie Gersky
December 16, 2013 at 11:03 pm
I broke up with mt ex three times because of my depression and anger. St tje time were dating my dad had been abusing me and I’d be scared and break it off. I told my ex that I was going through a lot and that I would probably break up with him a few times out of anger before we staryed even dating. And he said he accepted me for who I was. Now he won’t talk to me, he ignores me, he says hes hurt, and doesn’t want to get back together. What do I do ?
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:43 pm
In situations like these I always thing one thing is important more than anything. Self confidence and being ok with yourself.
Kellie Gersky
December 17, 2013 at 11:22 pm
I go to school with him and he acts as if I don’t exsist.
Kiki
December 16, 2013 at 9:17 pm
Some advice from a male perspective.
I met a man about a year ago. We were both going through divorce and hit it off well. Things developed (unexpected) and we both were very confused by what we were feeling. We were very open and light-hearted about dating other people, yet he seemed a bit more awkward about me having had dating others.
We sort of cooled things off over the Summer (tried to work out things with ex husband–no go) and he reconnected with an ex.
About 3 months later (November) we got in touch with each other again. The first question he asked was if I was seeing someone. I admitted it, but told him I’d broken it off because he wanted too much. He told a similar story about recently having broken off a relationship due to incompatibility.
He wanted to see me again. But often mentioned the need to be “open and honest”.
About a week later he informed me that he went back to his gf.
I wished him well, but told him that I would not be his “booty call” while he cultivated his new relationship.
He really downplayed the relationship. Mentioned that they had ” problems” and “drama”…
We were supposed to have dinner again, but I refused: yet just wished him well.
His reply (which I told him was unnecessary) was a bit gloomy… And ended with “I just don’t want to complicate my life. ”
I found this weird since 1) I might call him once a week 2) I might text 3 times a week 3) I don’t press him about spending time with me 4) I never pushed him for a committed relationship, just something open and organic which is what we both said we wanted. He also stated “not having the capacity for two relationships” which, I NEVER asked for nor expected.
A few tidbits:
He also knows my ex-husband
He also recently saw me driving and did not stop to speak.
So I’m confused. I do like him and I believe he likes me, but why all the crazy behavior.
BTW, we are both over 40. I can possibly see a long-term relationship growing (organically–I never enter a relationship with an “end goal”), but… This just is so weird.
If he’s happy with his new relationship, why act so weird? I wished him well (he downplayed the relationship), I told him I didn’t feel it appropriate for us to see each other romantically while he was cultivating a new relationship and he got weird on me.
I miss him and the possibility of what we could have had, but is it clear that this is done…except there’s too much weird behavior on his part, for someone who’s moved on to a new relationship.
Any advice would be lovely.
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:37 pm
To me it just seems like the problem lies with him and not anything you did.
Kiki
December 17, 2013 at 11:08 pm
Thanks! Yeah, he’s totally owning his own shit on this. Really liked him but, hey….
Kiki
December 16, 2013 at 9:22 pm
BTW, I’ve been NC since our last convo which was late November.
Isabella
December 16, 2013 at 4:06 am
My ex broke up with me last week while we were arguing.. I do not think that it came from the fight because he was already acting distant/irritated with me for a week before, but 2 weeks prior to that he was making plans to vacation in march.. A few times in the past he told me I was going to ruin the relationship with my insecurities and constant questioning so I was working on fixing it, but when he broke up with me he refused to explain. He just kept yelling “Dont ask me why, i’m not getting into it, you dont need reasons” I Text him a few times since then and hes ignored all. Now I am on day 4 of NC but its driving me crazy to know that since the breakup he has not said one word… seems like he could care less..
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:46 pm
I am sure he cares he is just being the stubborn guy and you are so early in NC.
LA. Schwei
December 15, 2013 at 6:47 am
It’s been bothering me sort of like an itch. But I haven’t talked to my ex BF for almost four years, we were together for four years. Last year I got married; only my really close friends and family knows about it because It was a civil wedding. My inner me keeps on telling me to talk to him and ask him how he is, probably out of curiosity and I thought were already pass the ” gettinf over” because we’ve matured. I got the courage to find him in Facebook and messaged him; waited couple of days no response so I gave up. And the curious George in me checked my message in facebook and it was gone, and says his page seems like I cant message him anymore probably blocked. Btw, I do tell my husband about it. I feel like, straight up just don’t want to deal with me..
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:42 pm
Honestly, I think you should just mov on from it. Especially if you are married why waste yoru valuable time on an ex?
ittybitty
December 14, 2013 at 11:07 pm
My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. I moved out though he didn’t want me to. We fought about it and he still doesn’t understand why I moved out. I have been over to his place every Sunday though to see my cat which he said he would keep for me until I got a place that I could keep him again. However, it’s always been more than visiting the cat…we are still intimate and go out for dinner. The reason we broke up up was because a jealous ex lover spread rumors about me and caused my ex to distrust me though I was completely honest with him the whole time. Anyway…I have been trying to pull away but it’s hard with him having my cat and him saying we could be together again after everything settles down. He is so very up and down with me that it’s driving me nuts! He asks me out two days ago to see a movie…then I text him last night to see if he was alright because he didn’t look very well at work but I get no response. Is he playing games or am I just expecting too much?
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:20 pm
Have you done the NC rule before al this?
ittybitty
December 15, 2013 at 9:45 pm
No because he has my cat. When I talk about taking my cat and letting someone else watch for me, he gets mad.
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:24 pm
Well, its your cat… he has no right to it.
Ms. K
December 12, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend jus recently broke up with me a week ago. He told me that I deserved to be with somebody better. I didn’t understand where this was coming from because we are suppose to be getting our own place and going on a cruise soon. He told me there was no working it out, he was going through something’s and wanted me to pray for him. All of this jus came out of no where when all I did was ask him how he feels about us and he responded he doesn’t know. Then he went even further and said he wasn’t in love with me and I couldn’t understand after almost 4 years. He now texts me to see how and what I’m doing but never to get back with me. I love him so much and just believed he would never do this and everyday I do better with my crying but when he texts, I fall back into my hole? Please tell me what should I do
Mary
December 12, 2013 at 8:26 am
Hi Chris, I really need some advise on my situation with my ex. We have been together for a little bit over 3 years. I’m actually the other woman. When we met, as usual, I didn’t know. Until I was further in love with him and I couldn’t get out. Of course, being in this role was very difficult and we broke up numerous times because of this reason. We have been on and off for the past 3 years. with him moving in and out and suddenly disappearing and changing phone numbers. but after couple of months of a month we will be back together again. We are also from a very different background, culturally, economically and education as well. Most recently, we got back together half a year ago and we moved together to a new apartment. I didn’t want to take him back at first but he has begged for two months to have me back and promised not to disappear again. And also to start looking for a job and will divorce as well. We were really good for the first 2 months and then problems start to appear. I start nagging him about work and etc. And I feel pressured economically as I wasn’t working for couple months. Finally in the last month we argued everyday and one night I said some really mean things to him. The next day, he packed everything and took off…again. Sent me a txt saying how he can’t stand what i said to him. He changed his number as well the same day. I was able to find his number through a friend. I’ve been in touch with him for finance issue. As he owes me money and needs to pay me back. But at the same time i also miss him. I did everything that you said a woman shouldn’t do after break up. Whatsapp bombing him, calling him and stuff. But now it’s to a point that i told him aside from money, we won’t talk about anything else. But I’m so stupid to ask him to have a Xmas meal with me in 2 weeks and get me a gift (as he never got me anything for the past 3 years due to his economic difficulties.) He said yes. But now, i’m waiting for him to pay me back. All my friends don’t like him for obvious reasons. But somehow we were really happy together, if we are not arguing. I have the following questions:
1. Does he still want me back or this is it?
2. What should my next step of action be?
3. What should I look out for if he does come back?
Thanks!
admin
December 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm
1. Tough question to answer b/c its not black or white like that.
2. Have you attmpted NC yet?
3. I wrote a post on this site… I think
Mary
December 13, 2013 at 3:14 am
It’s hard to do NC now because I’m chasing for money at this point. So I don’t know what to do. And as we are having a dinner next week. Should I still go? or no?
Mary
December 12, 2013 at 8:53 am
Oh and also I have done the NC for many times since we broke up many times. We have also spoken about the break up in length for a long time as well this time around.
PB
December 12, 2013 at 1:17 am
Is it possible that he ignores me because he still has some sort of feelings towards me and he is uncomfortable with addressing them?
(He only talks to me if we’re around our mutual friends. If there is a possibility of us being alone, he runs away to catch up with his friends.)
(He also has feelings towards another girl, so I’m sure that’s also a reason why he ignores me–so he can try to get as close to that girl as possible, even though she rejected him.)
admin
December 12, 2013 at 6:59 pm
Its possible.
Is he dating the other girl?
PB
December 12, 2013 at 11:18 pm
No, she rejected him when he told her he liked her. But she wanted to remain good friends. And she is a very touchy person, which he eats up. He tries to be around her as much as he can and she’s okay with it because she wants to be good friends with him. She said that she had already made it clear to him that they weren’t going to be together because she told him no, so she is okay with being touchy with him and hanging out with him all the time.
But I’m pretty sure he’s not happy, or at least he’s unsure about his feelings. (He told my sister about a month ago that he’s feeling a lot of mixed emotions.) He told me around the time we broke up that he didn’t look at me because he felt bad every time he saw me. I don’t know if that’s still the case.
I think that my best bet would be to play up the emotion to get him emotionally reconnected to me. He’s a very emotional person, but he definitely tries his hardest to hide it. I think at this point he’s all over the other girl to distract himself from his feelings (maybe his feelings aren’t about me, but I’m pretty sure that he hasn’t emotionally processed being rejected by the other girl because he has been nonstop touchy with her).
I gave you my game plan on the new “if he has a girlfriend” page. Do you have any more advice to really play up the emotion subtly? Also–I have kind of a time limit to text him without seeing him at school (the length of my winter break, about 10 days), so what would be the best way to use my time (where he’s concerned)?
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm
I don’t get it? The time limit.. why does that matter?
PB
December 13, 2013 at 10:35 pm
I tried talking to him previously (texting) and he brought up good memories (and some inappropriate sexual memories). Then the next day at school he was all over the other girl.
I guess I’m saying that I think I have a better chance in reigniting his feelings for me if he can’t see her everyday. During the break he won’t see her at all. So while he’s away from her I need to get him thinking about me instead. I want to be able to do as much as I can because I’m afraid that as soon as we return to school he’ll do the same thing as before.
admin
December 14, 2013 at 10:22 pm
Well, yes you are right BUT be careful…
PB
December 15, 2013 at 4:40 am
Is there a way to really play up the emotion while still being careful?
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Yes, but I am not sure I can teach you how in a comment…. its too complicated.
PB
December 16, 2013 at 5:37 am
Is there another way?
PB
December 17, 2013 at 4:27 am
^ I meant is there another way you could teach me besides using the comments.
lee
December 9, 2013 at 10:36 pm
Hello, It appears my situation is unique. I know I love him and only want to be with him but its almost 2 years and we cannot seem to see meet each other and we live in close proximity. He has asked my to see him loads of times and after giving him a hard time I agree then he cancels. Have you any knowledge on situations such as these. I do not want to chase him but I also do not want to lose him
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:49 pm
Part of the problem seems to be that you can’t meet him. Are you saying there is no way you can see him?
Lea
December 9, 2013 at 7:35 pm
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago after 2 and a half years together, we had the perfect relationship, our parents met and loved one another, we were best of friends spending a lot of time together and being there for each other during family issues the past year. We were planning on moving into our own place in the new year. We had our fair share of arguments always over silly things but always made up, until about 3 months ago, we had an argument over something silly and he used this to say we needed a couple of days apart to cool off. I gave him this but once a few days had passed he decided that the relationship was no longer what he wanted, that I was the ‘best girlfriend’ but he just wanted to spend some time on himself, his new job and his family. I was absolutely devastated, did the usual begging and pleading and then realised it was not helping.
I then proceeded to do NC, this lasted 2 weeks until he broke it and messaged me saying he wasn’t happy and he made the wrong choice, but still wasn’t saying he wanted to get back together, so for the next 2 weeks we talked a little here and there until suddenly out of the blue on Facebook I see he’s in a relationship with a girl I had never even heard of in the 2 years we were together, she’s in university and lives 4/5 hours away from us so a LDR relationship (he doesn’t drive either) this crushed me, and now months later I still can’t get my head around it, I have a good job, a car which I drove him round everywhere in, and he’s left me for a student who lives hundreds of miles away.
They have now been together 1 month, but I know they only get to see each other every couple of weeks. We spoke recently after he found out I was talking to a boy and he completely flipped out, we are now back in NC.
Now back in NC for over a week, am I right in carrying this on? I don’t think he wants to talk anymore
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:39 pm
I think you are right.
You might wanna check out my guide on long distance relationships.
Elizabeth
December 8, 2013 at 8:56 am
I’ll try to be as brief as possible. I had a sort of relationship with a man, I met at work. In fact he worked for me. I’m slightly older, fairly successful when i met this man 4 years ago, getting involved with him was the LAST thing i had on my mind. I was dating someone when we met and on our second real conversation, I felt a certainty I never felt before….. I went home that night, broke up with my boyfriend because I felt convicted this man was for me. Everyone who knows me would say this is extremely out of character. I didn’t tell this man right away about my feelings for him, I waited for him to act on the chemistry I thought we had. Within weeks he did. I could tell he wasnt ready or the kinda of relationship I was at first, it and we both thought it best to wait a few months….. He explained I was everything he wanted in a woman but he needed a little time to establish his career in a different field. ( he hated his job where he worked for me). He talked passionately, that this wanted a bs excuse, that he needed to give his career everything that he could absolutely see a future of marriage and children but he needed to be selfish right now….. I asked to think long and hard about what he was doing because I loved him but waiting was very risky for me.. (Children etc). I said all the “scary” things, I know from yrs of dating NOT to say. I did it because I wanted him to understand the gravity of what he could cost me if he wasnt sincere. This was at the end of year 1. For the next 3 years, I support his aspirations in every way possible, including money, (I know , stupid) along the way I would sometimes get frustrated walk away and he would ALWAYS, reassure me and buy himself a few more mths. I’ll be ready when this project is over… Etc. I should also mention, that were not intimate, that happened a few times early on but he didn’t want to be physical if he wasnt “all in”, he couldn’t afford to be so emotionally attrached and physically attached he was convicted that this would detail him professionally. I should also probably mention here, I hope that this doesn’t come across arrogant, that I’m pretty good looking. in fact, his friends didn’t hestiate to tell him frequently nor did he hestiate in telling me- attraction was most definitely not the issue. (No, he wasnt a closeted gay man either). He explained that he didn’t want to treat his future wife in a way that was so disrespectful. I loved him more or it. Because I was the cheerleader homecoming queen type, that had been a reoccurring theme for me and I welcomed getting to know a man w/o the confusion of sex, besides what we did experience in the beginning was so good, that I wasn’t worried. Anyway, yrs flew by and surprisingly the attraction never died and we were best friends. Eventually, I had enough and I wanted him around allll the time. We had stopped working together at this point and I finally but my foot down and said enough! I told him its now or never, quit your job you hate, focus on the career you want and I’ll support you, which I did. I thought he would fall in love with the possibilities of focusing on his professional future but he didn’t. He became overwhelmed and panicked. Right as we were moving toward the committment I wanted after all these years, he fell apart. ( I should also add, he was making progress in his career, which he gave me a lot of credit for……). Less than a week before he was going to meet my family and the night after a conversation about how excited we both were about committing, he called me and told me he needed to talk………
He said he hated the east coast and he wanted to move back home for a few month than to California. Would I go? He also said he hadn’t doubted he loved me until “72 hrs ago” and now he wasnt sure. However he insisted we weren’t making any decisions that night, he could be trusted to do anything right now. He was all over the board, for the next few hrs. Then he went on to say, there wasnt going to be resolution that it was the “first of many conversations.” He repeated that statement 15 times! I asked when he though he was leaving, he replied ” I could leave tomorrow or in 2 mths”. He was just sure he was leaving. He went on to say he didn’t know how we could work out long distance. I said, it sound like he had made up his mind, and that I would create my resolution then…..that angered him tremendously, he refused to let me break it off…..I said okay, it was clear he needed a few weeks of space, pleaded with him to seek counseling because he was acting erratic, depressed and cruel. He agreed his behavior was terrible, that he never felt more out of control or worse in his life…… That was 5 mths ago and I haven’t heard from him since. Initially, I called and texted a few times because I was genuinely worried , he even threatened sucide during our last talk! I tried very hard to make it easy to come to me if he wanted to……
Long story short, he never moved. He got a similar job to what he did and continues to work on his real passion. I figured out where he was working ans went there. when he saw me he turned bright red started to tab on his shoulder. To quote my friend, “I never saw a man so controlled lose control like that”. He stood within feet but never said a word, neither did I because it was so busy at his job. He looked terrible and lost 30 pounds. The only thing I have been able to figure out, is his money problems were worse than I knew about, he moved with the same city with a friend and a woman he dated before me. He is friends with all the women he has dated, so it is out of character that he hasn’t reached out, including their parents!
I’m not an idiot and I make a living on gut and instinct. I can’t believe, I could be so off base. The facts seem to speak otherwise. Will he ever call? Does this make sense to anyone? He last words were ” you’ve saved my life, whether I become your husband or the homeless guy on the street you should know that.” Does this make sense to anyone??????
admin
December 8, 2013 at 7:09 pm
How do you make a living you got me curious?
Have you attmpted a NC yet?
Elizabeth
December 23, 2013 at 7:12 am
I’m a Regional Director in Human Resources, in the event anyone is thinking it, (because I might). I do not have a savior complex and it isn’t part of my relationship history.
I’ve contacted him once every 30 days
admin
December 23, 2013 at 8:20 pm
Regional Director in Human Resources…. I wish I had a cool title like that I could pull out.