Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,957 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

zero

November 20, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Hi,
I broke up with my GF 5 months ago i was OK with it 2 months after 2 months she initated contact and sent me SMS for birthday. I went for few drinks with her and on short trip but then on 3rd month one friend of her told me she has guy and he is living with her already. He found him 1 month after we split.
This absolutly crushed me. I had feeling from previous reactions we goin to be together and then this information came out. I went crazy i told her many things on FB and went in depresion mode. That was only day that i was insulting her. I stoped doing that because when she blocked me on FB she hurt me even more so i seen i cant win any battle.
After that i was lossing on daily basis i was beging and crying. She nows ignoring my calls and SMS mesages. She told me she never loved me whole 4 years but i dont belive her that.
I am now on 3rd day of NC i deleted her phone number and everything i have from her im hoping this will help me get back with her. My wish is to be with her for new year and i need to play it correct this time.
Now i wonder whats goin on in her mind. Her boyfriend insulted me and her in FB and then said i hacked his account…she belived him and accused me.
Next step she found used rubber and love letter in his car she accused her best friend(engaged) that she planted it there because she wants to steal her BF.
IS she realy this blind or is that some weird mind game they playing with me? Al this events efect me badly and just drag me from NC. Is there chance for me to salvage this relationship i had big plans for us and i dont want to stop because she worth it.
Her BF is 23 y old and she is 33 y old could this realy be serious relationship or is just escape he has all qualities she never liked at man and now she loved him. (playing whole day video games, smoking pot, not working and so on). Im totaly confused its like i dont know her anymore.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:35 pm

I don’t know the age difference may start to bug one of them…

You probably hurt her by breaking up with her..

Keep in NC.
zero

November 22, 2013 at 2:08 am

thx, i will stay in NC i decided to leave city for while and i dont know her phone number cos i deleted it…i hope this ends up well…im starting to understand many things now. I think i had big chance but i ruined it alot by beging and nagging. She actualy played NC on me and added jelousy on top of it and i fell for it…and now she is in another NC but this time i read your articles so i will be more prepared.
btw your readings is amazing thanks for great work you doing.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:35 pm

No problem. Keep reading b/c I am just trying to up the ante every time I write something new.
zero

December 5, 2013 at 8:33 pm

Update on my Progress:
Its 13 days since last time i contacted my ex…i been on 2 dates with 2 different girls and im preparing 3rd one.
I seen i charmed em well enough to get them mine just i dont feel ready for any contact with other girl. I think this dates are helping me cope because i feel happy for at least 24h after the date…now i rarly feel pain in my chest but yes i still think about ex all the time.
No news from my EX she still didnt try to contact me in any way. I think this is adding to fear in my head that she might not respond after 30 days. I need to fight with that thought. Im also building up sms list and trying to prepare myself on possible responses. Drafts waht she could answer good or bad so i will be better prepared.

I also updated my wardrobe, doing alot of sports and reading books learning stuff.

My NC will end on 22 Dec that will give me alot of oportunity to break ice holidays and so on.

My GOAL is to spend new year with her.
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:28 pm

I am pulling for you on your goal!

How about working out? I always find thats my favorite activity to relieve stress.
zero

December 7, 2013 at 2:19 am

I think runing is best choice in sports i found realy nice spot in hills so i run there for about 20 minutes then get to location with amazing view so i can just sit there and think things thru then i run back to my car. Its amazing how nature and runing can calm you down. Also since i started with sports i droped from 90 kg to 78 kg thats just in few months time.
I think even if i loose this fight i will gain but still thinking loosing is not the option its my duty to fight for my love until i try every single resources or some other woman sweep me of my feet. I am thinking positive i have no anger for her i forgave her everything and i dont care if she forgave me as i already did that for myself all i care now is that she comes back to me and we get our fresh start.
Only problem is that i need to get rid of somehow is fear of failure.
admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Running is great! Especially with music.

Fear of failure will always be there BUT as long as you accept that you may fail and it is ok if you do then the world is your oyster.
zero

December 8, 2013 at 12:35 pm

3rd date finished yestrday…i also earned my self text gnat from one of previous dates she texting me alot and spaming my facebook. I been polite to her and explained my situation that she cant expect much from me. Now about facebook spam is that good or bad thing in eyes of my ex? Actualy i have few stalkers on my back now but only one is leaving obvious messages on my Facebook the rest are just commenting everything i post.
zero

April 7, 2014 at 12:33 pm

new update and probly finnal…talk about karma just found out she is still single and 3 months pregnant with rebound with no job and on social help…Me? I have another new girl…my rebound didnt work out because i had no feelings for her but we remain friends. New girl that i have now is perfect for me she is making me happy and i care about her. She have son from previous relationship and i like the boy as it was mine.
I done alot of analysing of my ex relationship. I think i was psihicly abused in relationship and after.I did not deserve what she was doing to me. What ever i done was not good enough for her and i played along alowed her to mop me. I will not let this happen to me again never. Happy ending for good guys 🙂
zero

February 2, 2014 at 3:16 am

Here is new update if it helps someone.

My EX gf just dumped her rebound. Their relationship lasted 6 months and when she started with him she was saying to me that she feels buterflies when she with him and that she never felt like this before. I dont know what she feels now i have no contact but i think their relationship lasted this long because i done every mistake in book. Begged, cryed stalked called and so on. I still didnt recive any contact from her but im OK with that I dont want her back anymore. She still has that special place in my heart but thats just it. My new girl is making me happy all the way i smile alot and i know she way better then my EX. I still read relationship materials because i wish to be better and i will never again alow myself to be hurt anymore. Thanks for reading me and I will update u if something new comes out.
zero

January 18, 2014 at 1:53 am

Its almost 2nd month of my NC and i wanted to update you folks how I stand…

She contacted me exactly 0 times in that time and i have decided to enter NC period until she contacts me.She is still with rebound altough i hear they not doing well she giving him same treatment as i was getting before split and she also busted his car but im not waiting her anymore. I still love her like the day she chased me out of her life with her constant naging and shouting but I almost dont feel anymore pain I think i deserve better. I found myself rebound girl she loves me and i explained her my whole situation and that i want to take it slow with her. I like her but I doo not LOVE her and she does understand that. I dont want to give someone else same pain as i recived so i will be honest with her and will treat her right. I am a good guy I gave my EX respect, love, trust and full support in everything but that was not enough for her. Now i know she tends to destroy everything good that she has in her life I dont know why she is like that but im not capable to get her on correct track but atleast i had time to comfirm to myself what i was hiding from me long time. Only thing im afraid of that she will exploit my love to her and drag me back before i manage to get full pover from healing.

If something new i will update you…thx for reading me and helping.
zero

December 18, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Its day 26 I still love her but I am deciding to let her go. I dont know if I contact her will change anything I just know that i also deserve at least one sign from her that she wants me back and she showed me 0 in past 6 months. I managed to learn alot in this past 6 months and I think im way better then ever before and its her loss if she doesnt want me anymore. I also proven myself i can get GF any time only thing is i need to wait for right one that I will fall in love with. Thank you Chris you are doing excelent work here and your tips helped me realise alot of things i would never learn. Im still ready to take her back but i will not pursue her if its ment to be she will come otherwise i know i will find happyness. Maybe one day i will be able to update this post that she is back I dont know but im not planing to push it she deserve to be free.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Well, whatever you feel is best for you I am all for!
zero

December 10, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Its 18 day of NC today. When i was leaving parking i seen my EX walking dogs i stoped and asked her how she is, she replayed fine…she actualy talked with me conversetion fas very short and i could sense sadnes in her voice she also avoided looking me at eyes…I acted normaly even gave her smile and complimented dog how nice it looks(avoided complimenting her) then i said i need to go as im in hurry somewhere.
At least i fixed my last impresion didnt look clingy or nothing.
Does this count as breaking of the NC and must i start over from day 1 or is it OK?
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:22 am

Hm… I think thats a random encounter and its all good. You handled it really well.

Lauren

November 20, 2013 at 2:38 pm

Hi Chris, my case is a little weird. we were dating for 3 months. we rush things really quick. he finally told me he didn’t have the same feelings that I had. he started to talk to a girl at work after we were seen each other for 2 months. I finally found out he did sleep with her. he still talks to her and still goes and sees her. we are on the same phone plan he is on mine. I did start the no contact rule. after a day of not hearing from me he text me ” are you okay I haven’t heard from you all day” after 24 hours I told him I am okay. 2 hours after that he asked me if I restricted he data again. I waited about 5 minutes and text him back that he should be ok but I’ll s in the data plan. when I told him how much I left did he said it was almost up. I told him that I had to lessen it because I can’t afford to pay for it. he said ok. so I did not text him back after that. my question is what should I do in this case?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Have you tried any NC or anything else I recommend?
Lauren

November 21, 2013 at 2:52 am

I am trying the no contact rule now… but because we are on the same phone plan, do I do no contact or limited contact? he is definitely the stubborn type with some clueless in him. if I suspend his phone line he will really be pissed off!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Try NC but if it is impossible do LC.

Jenn

November 19, 2013 at 4:09 pm

He texted me regarding money he owed me and that he would drop it off this weekend. I waited a day to respond. I sent a text saying, “saw one of your work trucks today, made me think of you”. He hasn’t responded. I’m being ignored. Now what?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Well wait a few days and then if he doesn’t respond try again with another text.

becky

November 18, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Hey just thought I’d let you know.. I was doing the whole NC thing for just a week and today I have found out he cheated on me ans is seeing someone else..

I don’t deserve that so even though it hurts.. I won’t be trying to get him back..

Thanks for the advice anyway, you seem to help a lot of people xx

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Hey no problem. Sometimes you are better off letting him go you know.
becky

November 19, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Yh I know.. its just hard now he’s saying that its because of something that happened on a night out.. he was being a total idiot with me and someone grabbed my phone and text me cause they knew how he was being. He has never let that go even though he said he had so he has just punished me ever since.

So hard :'(.

Thanks
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I know it is hard but keep on keeping on…

Jenn

November 17, 2013 at 3:35 am

Chris,

I’ve been in NC for 2 weeks. I think my ex is Ignoring Me Because He Wants Nothing To Do With Me. He “thinks” I wronged him in some “horrific” way. To be honest, I was drunk and said some inappropriate things to him which he has taken defense to. I think he’s being over dramatic.

In this case, if he truly feels like this…. Will NC work? Doesn’t he realize that drunk ppl say stupid crap? I’m human, it happened 1x. After the 30 days of NC, when I text him, should it be an apology first?

‘*jenn

admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Well you still have two more weeks.

Nic

November 16, 2013 at 4:01 am

Hey, so I would love some advice. Backstory: My ex and I met in march (my best friend was his roommate) I was visiting on vacation. We kept in touch and talked everyday. I ended up moving to where he was in june and we immediately jumped into being bf/gf. From there we spent A LOT of time together (pretty much everyday). I moved in somewhere else with my best friend but we didnt get along and as things got worse with her I started to stay at my ex’s apt. It got to the point where I was unofficially living there which worked out horribly. We started fighting a lot and he was upset bc he wanted his space which I was too afraid to give to him bc I really didn’t have anyone else.. my family lived thousands of miles away and the only friends I had made so far were him and his friends. So of course I started acting like that crazy, insecure, needy desperate girl. He even would tell me I needed to relax bc I was being desperate and needy. He said he still loved and cared about me and I believe he really meant it.. but that we both had things we needed to workout and should be friends ‘right now’.. but ‘if we could date sometime in the future that’d be awesome’ (whatever that means). I was still staying with him bc stuff with my roommate was worse than ever but still being in that small space mad things really bad and we had a huge blowout fight where he kicked me out. He said he didn’t love or like me anymore, didn’t want me to be apart of his life, and that he hated me. I came back home to visit and we didn’t talk for a week. I decided to move back home for a couple months bc things just weren’t working out with a lot of stuff (the bf issues was just the icing on the cake). I ended up texting him and telling him I was going to Austin but moving back home for a little bit to clear my head and asked if he wanted to meet up before I left which he said yes, he did. We got lunch and talked. It went really well.. he apologized and so did I and we ended up hanging out the rest of the week I was there. We slept together a few times.. and he was very flirty and touchy with me.. acting exactly how he did when we were dating which I enjoyed but made me very confused. He told me he’s bad at communicating and we could talk about once a month while I’m gone (which is crap bc he called me at least once a day when he was ‘chasing me’). I’ve been gone only a week so far.. we’ve talked briefly two times on the phone but both times he rushed off to finish hw and said he’d call me the next day which he hasn’t done. I’m so confused about where we stand… I know we’re just friends but then why was he so flirty and touchy in person and so distant and ignore me when I’m far away? I’m supposed to move back in a few months but am scared if we don’t keep up a lot of contact it will be awkward and like I missed out on a lot when I go back so I’ve been kind of proactive on contact but I feel like it’s annoying him and I’m coming off as desperate and needy again. Do you think the NC rule could help this situation and make him see me in a positive light all the time or do you think it’s too late? He said that we can’t be together right now but there’s always a chance for the future.. do you think he’s playing me or do you actually think by giving him the distance he’s been begging for could get him back and make him want/chase me again? I’m soo confused!! lol

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:54 pm

I think yrou right. Giving him distance is the smartest thing at this juncture.

Jules

November 15, 2013 at 9:49 pm

Just a message for the lovely ladies who have left a comment on here…while the advice makes a lot of sense there is one thing you need to know…if your ex has an iPhone with isos 7 then they now have the ability to block your number so you can send as many texts as you like but your ex will never receive them even tho it will show on your phone they have been sent or states delivered, so if you’re not getting a response back then it may be because they’ve blocked you. Not great news I’ll admit but for some of you it will help you make the decision to move on…or if you still have other forms of communication open with your ex then the texts can be used via those.

admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Very true… HATE the new update for that 🙁
Jules

November 17, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Yes it’s pants isn’t it…still, I’m sure it won’t affect you and your words of wisdom to the ladies, if anything it should help them with future relationships ha….and my advice to anyone would be if they call their ex who has the isos 7 and they consistently get a busy tone then they’ve been blocked so if an ex can stoop that low as to block your number then you’re better off without them anyway, go find yourselves someone who is worth having your number!
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Hey give advice all you want!
Jules

November 18, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Oh nooooo, this is your page not mine and considering I’ve made quite a few of the mistakes you’ve pointed out I’m not exactly in a position to give advice..but have learnt from those mistakes and I’m now in day 18 of NC and I’m doing pretty good so thx for your advice…tho when it comes to that first initial text on day 30 I just hope im as positive then as I am now.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Hey just keep on keeping on. You are doing everything right, right now.

Julie

November 14, 2013 at 4:06 am

Finished 30 day no contact rule. Before that he had asked for some space so we could be friends again, and the upcoming of a special event that had some meaning for us I saw the perfect opportunity to start communication. To my surprise, after I private messaged him about it on Facebook he blocked me from it. When I wrote him an email saying I had got his point and was giving up, he replied. Said he still wanted to be friends, but felt he was under surveillance (??? he had already blocked me from all other social media after the break up anyway) and added a print screen from Linkedin from weeks before with my profile as his last visitor (I was curious because I had received an automatic suggestion from that site! it’s not like I am such a big loser to stalk someone on a business network! lol). He finished saying that unless I change my behavior he won’t be back to being friends.
Important to mention he used to guilt trip me during our relationship and put all the blames on me. When he asked for space (saying he still wasn’t dealing well with the break up although it had been his decision), I actually gave him almost two months of absolutely no contact, aside of this profile visualization and the first attempt of re connection on FB.
I love him but not sure if I want him back. I just want to be friends and if it’s meant to be again it’s a whole another story. But this situation is making me confused. Is he just trying to manipulate the events to be in control of things again, in spite of having feelings, or what is his (possible) intentions? Would you program work in this case?

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Yes I think it can. Just take things slow.
Julie

November 14, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Should I wait another 30 days to begin or when can I try to message again without sounding like a stalker? What is your analysis of the situation?? lol
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Hahah I say wait about a week or two.
Julie

November 19, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Will do! 🙂
But my main concern is: if he has stated that he will be in touch with you when he feels ready to do so, wouldn’t texting him first (even after 30 day NC, even following text scripts) make him actually even more upset that you didn’t respect “his” time?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:08 pm

Well, hopefully that 30 window is more than enough to get on “his” time.

Jules

November 13, 2013 at 10:05 am

Ok, so are you saying that even if a guy says do not contact him anymore then it’s still worth doing the NC rule?and what is a more general text to send that would still get a positive response?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Yes that is what I am saying hahaha.

Just try one of the texts in that massive guide I created.
Jules

November 13, 2013 at 9:13 pm

Aha! I made you laugh, not a bad result considering it seems like I’m talking to a computer or iPhone in my case haha and as they say if you can make a woman laugh you can get her to do anything but I also think if you can make a guy laugh you’re halfway there! Ha
Anyway, I’m 13 days into NC and I’m doing ok so I will heed your advice and go the 30 days, even a few days more as I’m finding myself a bit more chilled bout things. I shall keep you updated as I’m sure you’ll be oh so thrilled to hear how your advice is panning out ha
Just one other thing, if a text is sent after the 30 days but there’s no response do you then wait another 30 days?
admin

November 14, 2013 at 6:32 pm

No you wait around a week and send another one.

ashley

November 13, 2013 at 2:43 am

ok so i was with the love of my life for two and a half years and lived with him and his two beautiful daughters for a year and a half, life was perfect we woke up smiling everyday and fell more in love every day, he always had weekend getaways planned, spa days followed by candlelight dinners, hotel suites… he was such a romantic… i never thought id be without him! i cant accept it, especially that i was a part of a family and now im all alone! we used to want to be together as much as possible and had a great routine of times together and family times together. in recent months he began to spend more time with his friends and without noticing he neglected me, but ofcourse as i complained he backed off more until finally i packed my bags bc he was hungover again and broke his promise to take me away again (as ive done before, the last time he told me he cried) this time i followed through with it after he begged me to stay and i did but the next day in a text he told me he wasn’t happy . he called and texted me for random peoples phone numbers, or to ask favors, or tell me silly things for the first week… i would pour my heart out only to be told “im sorry but you deserve better than me” or “you will be fine” or “you will be a great wife someday” he would text me to tell me about random things like cirque du soleil is coming to town (which we both enjoy) giving me hope, ask me if me and the kids were having fun while hanging out. but as soon as i brought up my feelings he wouldn’t say anything or he would just ask a random question again… i finally started NC three weeks into the break up and im on day 13!! im very proud.. he is on vacation anyway but he will come home and realize i haven’t even tried… and i hope he wonders why i didn’t contact him… i hope he even cares.
i just feel that if he let me move out and take all of my things from his house it must be over, is there anyway to fix it? or are men too proud?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Ok, well what are you doing for YOU during this NC period.

Lynn

November 13, 2013 at 1:00 am

I was with my ex for 7 months. We had both just come out of bad long term relationships. During our time together he broke up with me a few times with the same reason that it didn’t feel right and wasn’t sure he was falling for me yet his actions always seemed to prove otherwise. We always made up within days when he came back to me. This time I decided I would do NC, but he’s not contacted me either. It’s been 21 days of NC. Towards the end of the breakup he went cold and distanced himself. He broke up telling me the same thing that it didn’t feel right and we are not right for each other, I deserve better, its not me its him etc. I simply responded that I agree (no point fighting it if that’s how he felt) and I was glad we could end on good terms. He responded to take care of myself. That was our last contact. However I miss him and hoped he would call me. I have no idea how he is as I never met his family or friends in the time we were together so we have no mutual contacts. We are still friends on Facebook but he hasn’t posted anything new since the breakup. Why is he not contacting me this time? Should I contact him on day 30 or is it over this time?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:21 pm

No you should definitely contact him on day 30.
Lynn

November 13, 2013 at 1:54 pm

I just wanted to add that we had a really lovely relationship and got on really well. We never argued ever. The only issue was that we both had a lot going on in our lives and lots of outside problems. Also its his birthday on day 30 of NC so I’m torn as to whether I should contact him by text or Facebook or not at all?

becky

November 12, 2013 at 1:30 pm

Hello,
I just thought I’d say a little and ask what you thought..

Me and my boyfriend were dating for about 4 years.. we were really good the first to years he was thoughtful etc but it was only the third and a bit that he started going out more and not choosing to see me like we used to..
He got angry and that but I was willing to stay by his side cause I know he has had a bad past with his dad..

The past few months we haven’t seen each other much and he went kn a lads holiday and I went away.. after being back for a few weeks he said his feelings for me were different and basically saying that was it..

Me being me I text him etcand chose what he wanted to reply to so even though I still want him back I thought I’d leave it and see if he messaged me.. I last text him Thursday and he just text me on Saturday morning saying hi, with no kisses and I ignored it and he did it again on the Sunday. Again I ignored it. I felt bad but I didignore it. I didn’t receive a text yesterday but was itching too today and ended up just saying ‘try’.. which I regret sending and nothing back yet..

What would your opinion be. Sometimes I think he likes punishing me by not replying but do you think there’s a chance if I don’t text him?

Thanks

admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:37 pm

I absolutely do!

NC rule is probably your best bet.
becky

November 13, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Even though he said his feelings had changed?..

It’s just he doesn’t seem bothered, he doesn’t seem to want to text me its like he is moving on and forgetting about me :/..

I know its only been a few days since he last text but was that just out of guilt he text me as he hasn’t since.

Sorry 🙁
admin

November 14, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Just take a deep breath and realize that this is not going to be something that you fix in one day. It is going to take time.

Jules

November 11, 2013 at 5:52 pm

Oh and one more thing that would be great if you could clarify..you’ve stated reasons why men would want nothing more to do with an ex and that’s why they’re ignoring them, are you saying then that they would never contact or speak to their ex ever again or that the NC rule would still apply?

admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:19 pm

No its more like why they would ignore you or why they aren’t responding to your messages.
Jules

November 13, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Ok I think I’m confusing myself here…let me put the scenario to you
2 1/2 yrs ago you meet someone online, she lives in the south of the country and you live in the north, both out of long term r/ships 14yrs plus and you work in the police force with a demanding job. Instantly click with each other but distance is an issue however when you meet up it’s great blah blah blah..she falls for you but you’re non committal and then decide to do marine security for 7 months.. Communicating only when you’re back to see family whatever.
Xmas 2012 you’re back for good still texting but still non committal, she’s hung on in the hope eventually you’ll get it together properly even tho she knows you’ve been out on dates etc…she then tries to move on, meets someone but knows where her heart truly lies…you then ask to meet her again but she tells you she’s been on a few dates, you’re gutted and tell her for the first time how you should’ve been more considerate towards her, how you’re not great at showing emotion which leaves her all over the place and just to add to it the new guy goes down her phone gets your number and tells you to leave her alone…you then tell her you won’t be second best and say never to contact you again. She texts you but you ignore her..(in the past she has behaved needy and desperate, not attractive as is quite clear)…..in that scenario would you never want to see her again, even knowing that it’s always been you she’s wanted to be with or would you be shocked if she did the NC rule and would either contact her or speak to her again?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 9:04 pm

I would be shocked if she did the NC rule (assuming I didn’t know what it was.) I would definitely turn into a text gnat and be like why wont she talk to me.
Jules

November 13, 2013 at 11:32 pm

Ah ok…you’ve said that you would never take back a begging pleading ex so in that scenario I put to you say she had done that humiliating god awful pleading text thing that us women do to torture ourselves with over a few weeks but was getting absolutely no response back but then stopped, would you then still have that stance of never take her back or would you do what you’ve said in your previous reply and want to know why she hasn’t text?
admin

November 14, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Personally, I wouldn’t say a word. I would be stubborn BUT in the back of my head I would be thinking “why isn’t she begging me anymore? I kind of liked feeling important.” Eventually I would respond to her if she messaged me but she would have to work some serious mojo on me to get me back.

Jules

November 11, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Well I’ve read your posts on here and I’ve gotta say I’m more confused than I was before I read them. I get the NC rule but how are you suppose to know what text to send first? I mean I read the one about ‘I have a confession to make..’ and now I’ve just read the one about ‘hey just wanted you to know I saw this great band’…not sure how that’s gonna get much of a response. Is it a case of hit and miss? Try one and if that doesn’t work wait a while and try another one?

Kandie

November 12, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Dude Just leave him alone! If you text him like that your still going to look so desperate! Go out and have fun improve yourself, make yourself feel better and if its meant to be it will. The more your chase the more he runs!
admin

November 11, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Oh no… my guides were supposed to have the opposite effect.

I wouldn’t recommend the I have a confession one. I would go with something way more general.

Anon

November 11, 2013 at 4:13 pm

My boyfriend say he didn’t ‘think’ he loved me ‘romantically’ any more and that it was over ‘at least for now’. I said is this up for discussion and he said ‘no this is it’. Will no contact work with him?

admin

November 11, 2013 at 7:06 pm

It can work on him.

Kandie

November 11, 2013 at 3:17 pm

This is terrible advice, Most of this is only your perspective as an individual. Ladies Listen up! Accept what you cannot change… Once you have truly accepted the present Only then you can move on. Your not with him for reason and thats because bad things happen so better things can fall together. So stop dwelling on the past and live in the moment.

admin

November 11, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Sorry your not a fan of the advice :(.
Kandie

November 12, 2013 at 2:52 pm

Its alright, but its just common sense most of it. You need to play the game. Usually though if have strong emotions for someone You Just let it be. Plus you seem American? Where I’m Australian, most males here are dick heads 🙂
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:39 pm

Hahah I think most men in general are idiots.
Kandie

November 13, 2013 at 12:44 pm

Hahaha You’s aren’t all bad Just most of you’s don’t use your brains. But I guess your only young once and don’t want to be tied down, and I can totally relate. But yes Ta for the page there is going to be some girls the will need your advice.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:23 pm

There is only one piece of equipment we think with…. OK TMI TMI hahaha.

No problem. I really just wanted to create the best breakup site that ever exisited.

Sara

November 8, 2013 at 2:29 am

Hi..

So after 1.5 years together, mostly challenging ones, I finally broke up with my ex (didn’t want to be in a LDR and he wasn’t making and effort to close the gap) and of course, immediately changed my mind. Things have been very rocky on account of mostly his personal situation (separated/en route to being divorced with a young child) which I was not comfortable with but was hoping that he’d get his act together and things would sort themselves out.

So… initially, I told him that if thing were over between us, I was not happy to be in contact or downgrade our relationship to “friend” (his suggestion). He was upset about this and told me that he didn’t want this, liked me a lot and for me to think about things (he suggested I see a therapist!) and contact him when I was happy to be friends. Needless to say, I was extremely upset at the time, emotional and angry. Two weeks after NC, we speak, mostly as I didn’t want to end things in a bad way – I tell him once more that I accept that he doesn’t want us to get back (he tells me that he has nothing to offer me) but want to hear from him from time to time. He tells me “on his word” that he will call me in a couple of days (he doesn’t and I don’t call him first either) or weeks, and that he “needs his space”. I get the message ..

3 months later of NC (v v v hard), I decide that I don’t like being angry with someone and want to also move on, so given that he’d been the one pushing for me to not cut him completely out of my life, send him a one line email – very neutral, asking about whether he’d met another friend of ours. He does not reply, which of course, sets off again my insecurities and so I send a message on FB asking him how he is doing, and telling him that I’m okay to be in touch as friends, as he’d initially suggested (ie: that I don’t want a relationship with him anymore). He reads it immediately but does not respond … so I IM him and we have a brief and monosyllabic chat. He has a chip on his shoulder about how much I earn (more than him currently), so asked about that and my ‘plans’ though he did not elaborate on his. He finished the conversation first and told me that he’ll “talk to me soon”. That was a week ago and I’ve not heard anything from him since so I’m starting NC again and trying to erase his existence from my life.

I imagine that he feels shitty about lying to me earlier about calling me and is scared about talking to me again, hence cowardly behaviour. He’s been on FB chat several times since, and I’ve not made any more effort to contact him, so at least he isn’t hiding from me.

My question is : Why wouldn’t he agree with me just cutting off all contact, if he is not comfortable to be in touch with me now? We were friends before we went out, were in touch every single day for 15 months and I just miss his companionship. We have friends in common and it really sucks to know that he is in contact with them, but not me.

I am very tempted to block him from FB and Skype, but feel that it would send him the message that I care about his rudeness (which I do). I am not completely over him (though how he has been over the last 3 months has gone a long way in making me realise that the person I loved has long gone).

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Well you are broken up now and you have a close connection so maybe he just feels it is weird when you are around.
Sara

November 15, 2013 at 5:00 am

So… three weeks later (and me not bothering to contact him on fb or anywhere else), I get a three word question from him about work at 1 am. He’s on the other side of the planet, so I didn’t see the message or respond til hours later when he was not online.

I wrote back as informally as he had and that. is. that.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Have you seen the LDR post?
Sara

November 17, 2013 at 8:56 am

No… will try and find it. To complicate matters, his birthday is coming up this week – I deleted him from Skype (he’s never going to call me again anyway) but not from FB so if I don’t acknowledge it, I’ll sound as though I was hurt (which I AM); if I do, I’ll just be a doormat who accepts being disrespected 🙁

I just wish he would disappear off the face of the planet forever …
admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Yes it seems you are in a no win situation….

Jaz

November 8, 2013 at 1:41 am

So what if you do the NC rule and lets say I do an extra one day so after 31 days I finally text him(blah blah) whatever I say and he still doesn’t reply then what do I do, do I just move on? I don’t know if this is an ultimatum but I did tell him like before I found your website that ill leave him alone about a month and if he still doesn’t want to text me I just said ill just delete his number I don’t know if that’s bad or I shouldn’t of said that lol. Any advice would help.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:35 pm

No you pretty much wait a week and try again.

Jaz

November 7, 2013 at 11:37 pm

I’m going to try this but I have a question me and my ex broke up not to long ago out of a almost 2 year relationship, he would always say he’s still in love with me and that he needs me in his life because he loves me? but I would always wonder because the next day it would be something different as if he changed his mind so quick, and I would always think he’s saying that but didn’t really mean it because of his actions, so just about a week ago I told him if he doesn’t want to talk too me anymore why wont he just tell me like id rather him be upfront and just tell me if he doesn’t and he replied that he would talk to me when he had time but I said because one of those days he had time because he had a day off but didn’t reply to my message and he said I’m sorry I really am. and its been about a week now and he has been ignoring my messages when I just feel if he doesn’t want to talk to me why cant he tell me instead of ignore me. any advice on this.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Have you ever tried the NC rule before?
Jaz

November 8, 2013 at 8:54 pm

No I haven’t I started yesterday I just for some reason think if I go a month with out saying anything he wont reply when I finally text him back again.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:02 am

Well, you don’t know until you try and the alternative isn’t an attractive option either.
Jaz

November 11, 2013 at 2:15 am

Thanks for the advice, I will try it.

Carmen

November 7, 2013 at 6:07 am

Hi! Great website! Ive Just Been no contacting for a month. Ive Been in a LDR for 4 years. Hes 45 and im 37. There were plans to marry and living together from the very beginning because we developed a strong bond and connection as we had never had before, not even in our previous marriages. In spite of distance we skyped, texted and recently FaceTimed as much as we could every single day. I know how much he was pendant on me as I was on him. But this year has Been hard because we had regular arguments which I mainly began. I want us to give a step forward in our relationship because its hard to meet every 3 months. On the other hand although he earns good money, he seems more interested in buying a car and helping his 22-year-old daughter to buy a flat, than arranging his divorce or Sabina for a house for us. I hate to sound selfish but I feel he constantly postpones us. So throughout this year Ive Been accussing him of not doing enough. Last month he texted me saying he was tired of my behaviour and that he wanted us to go different ways. After the first shock I decided not to reply and then I came across your website which gave me strength to put the NC rule into practice. Last weekend it was my Bday but he didnt text. I felt very disappointed but even though I just know I want him back in my life. Im sure he loves me but hes Been too comfortable to arrange the legal aspects for the divorce which means money he probably spent helping his daughter.
ive Been thinking of texting to ask him to send some stuff I left at his place. What do you think of the whole thing? Our relationship and the next step, texting him? Thank you!

admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I think thats a solid plan to be honest.

Texting him after NC is definitely the way to go as well.
Carmen

November 7, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Thanks for your quick answer! Ive Been reading to many of your posts and I can definetly tell hes the stubborn type but he was angry when texting me more than a month ago. His text said he wasnt calling back and he didnt want me to text him again. It was after some drinks but he kept his promise. Not even a text for my bday! That hurt!
Anyway we developed such a fantastic relationship in spite of distance and I dont want to lose him because hes my soul mate. But I dont know how to deal with his laziness to arrange the divorce and I cant think of how being patient!
I think ill wait until Sunday when uploading pics to my Facebook celebrating my bday with different friends on Friday and Sat. Im sure he spies me because he activated his account which had deactivated many months ago. He didnt defriend me either, or delete the pics he has with me.
Is it OK to text something like “Hi John! Is it possible you send me the stuff I left at your place next time youre back in England?” (He works abroad) Or do you think a text appealing to a memory is better?
Thank you so much!
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I think it is if you wan to get your stuff back.

I don’t think it is if you are trying to just open a conversation with him.
Carmen

November 8, 2013 at 6:27 pm

First let me say how much I do appreciate the feedback! Ive Been reading at other women’s comments and your answers and I have to say how tiring I assume it must be for you! Mainly the constant repetition of The NC Rule! LOL
The idea is to open a conversation. Ive just finished reading all your posts about texting after the NC period so I learned a lot more! (Today is day 39 of NC!) I also read the one about LDR (I must admit my bf and me tick all the good boxes!)
So the first text should be an intriguing one, like “I have confession to make… ” then waiting for approximately an hour to send the end of it which includes a memory? Do you agree with something like “I found myself smelling the Issey Miyake
perfume you left here?” for the second text?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I am a robot! I answer comments over and over like a robot hahaha.

Usually yes BUT I think don’t do the I have a confession text right off the bat in this case. I just have a feeling that its not best for you. Do just a regualr first contact message that I talk about on the site.
Carmen

November 8, 2013 at 6:34 pm

(Ive just thought of the perfume because it can bring him a memory of the day he asked which perfume I preferred from the ones he was wearing in these days. I didnt hesitate to answer that one and since then it’s the one he wears.)

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