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Kitty
December 22, 2016 at 10:24 pm
Hey,
I’ve contacted you before also. And things really worked out between my boyfriend and I. It’s been more than a year since we were together. Always breaking up and then coming back to relationship. But now I’m so sick of it. I want a constant and long term relationship. Recently, he broke up with me without giving me any reason. Maybe because I was very clingy. I’ve followed NC rule even before and it worked out as I said. But will it work this time also? I am afraid.
It’s freaking me out. I’m so desperately in need of help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Hi Kitty,
even if there’s no guarantee in doing the nc rule, commonly 30 days doesn’t do much help for on and off couples because it’s not really breaking the cycle.. For you to have a restart, you have to accept and let go of the relationship and then do a long nc before reconnecting to build rapport.. sometimes it can gake 3,6 months to a year of nc
Fateha
December 18, 2016 at 3:32 pm
I don’t usually do these sort of things going online advice and for support but this situation really got me hard and I didn’t know where else to turn until a colleague told me about this rule so I googled it myself. My boyfriend and I met this year in October so it’s been less than 3 months we’ve been dating and just few weeks back he was feeling off about our relationship I don’t know what mess was going through his mind but he still gave us a go and still tried not to give up. Just recently we separated but I don’t even know the status of our relationship as we’re still in contact with each other but rarely even talk compared to the way we spoke when we first met as friends. He acts weird with me whenever we see each other as its hard to avoid him when we have the same friendship circle and I try my best not to see him or speak to him and keep myself busy but it comes to a point where I’m pressured to go see my friends so I’m forced to see him such as friends birthdays etc. I love him dearly and we even spoke about marriage but suddenly he feels as though he is not good enough for me even though I’ve told him thousand of times he is perfect in everyway and no two humans is good on this earth. It came to a point where it got to him and broke down so we gave each other space but 2 days later he said its best if we did our own things but if I wanted to still have him there for me hell be there always whether I want him there or not. I hope really do hope we can sort this out and get back together but no sense of words from me or anyone will change his mind about us for now so I haven’t given this NC rule a go because I’m not too sure if it will work. Even after knowing his past relationships and how he was I still chose him out of anyone. He is the type to not get jealous over anyone no matter how much he loves them and he is a very open minded person so if I was to go ignoring him for 30 days later he will become really negative about the situation and then ignore me and think I’ve moved on so he wouldn’t bother me anymore and cut me out of his life which I do not want at all.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 1:23 am
Hi Fateha,
If he’s really open minded, he wouldn’t get angry. But if you want talk to him about the relationship first.. If he’s still consistent on not trying and then lay your standards..tell him being friends is not working for you right now.. There’s no guarantee that the nc rule will work, but right now it just looks like you’re friendzoned
Anne
December 14, 2016 at 4:58 pm
Hello I contacted you earlier in the year regarding a friend who came out that he was in love with me on a night out.
I was previously in a relationship and made the mistake of telling him that we had split up. He took that as me hinting I was interested in him and told me how he felt.
I reacted quite badly as I did not expect it at all and all his hints in the past were very subtle whilst I was with my boyfriend so I wasn’t picking them up. Basically he was friendzoned with me for years and I was treating him more like one of my girlfriends.
The night was quite intense and the weeks afterwards I was trying to piece together what had happened as the initial emotional shock was un barable for me. He denied the night ever happening I figured he was very hurt by my response.
I told him how I felt and told him I would give him a chance. But he was right in the middle of finishing off his degree so was ignoring me a lot whilst focusing on that.
I decided in March this year to stop texting him and tried to put together an explanation properly explaining why I reacted the way I did and how I was never friends with him because I had a romantic interest in him.
He was reading my messages but was avoiding talking or responding to anything related to that night and how he felt. He would give me one word answers and answered questions around the topic.
Over a few months I pieced together more explaining to him that I understood he was trying to win me over from my boyfriend and why it wasn’t working on me at the time.
I then explained to him not to make friends with girls as my reaction was because he was so far friend zoned I told him if he changes his mind and he wants to try again I will hear him out.
The problem is this was all very soon after me and my boyfriend of 9 years were also trying to work things out between us our 10 year anniversary was in August. I explained to my friend that when he told me I was working through my break up.
I still live with my ex and my friend knows this. Over time I’ve tried to get him to make more of a connection with me and I told him how I feel but it’s starting to feel like all he was ever interested in was just the chase.
But i’m not sure if he’s just really scared to get into something given how emotionally painful our last encounter was and he knows he’s gotten into a complicated situation with me as I have given my ex another chance to work things out with me.
I saw my friend after 6 months, he was in the passenger side of his friend car he saw me and put his arm against the window to hide his face whilst, his friend stormed off in his car. I don’t think he noticed that I saw him.
His replies online are very abrupt like he is just angry with me. He is passive-aggressive and told me he would see me in 3 years the night I saw him.
The last few times i’ve text him, it isn’t showing that he has read my messages he’s either got the same widget as me which hides the seen messages or he is just plain out right ignoring me or deleting my messages.
I told him i’ve had enough now a year is long enough for me and just decided to delete him off social media.
I’m not sure what to do he is very introverted and shy or at least he is with me and hid his feelings very well with me and he told me it takes him time to pluck up the courage to ask girls out and the way that night happened was very intense for us both.
I’m not convinced it was just all about the chase for him he spent far too long trying everything to get my attention and i think playing games is just annoying. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him and as far as feelings are concerned they’ve started to go as I wasn’t emotionally invested in him in the first place.
Iv’e just spent the last few months telling him off for trying to steal me all those years trying to avoid rejection which I figured was all he was trying to avoid and told him off for talking to me drunk.
I also explained to him that all his female friends arn’t romantically interested in him. As i noticed in the past he was coming across like he thought girls talking to him were interested in him and it was coming across like he was trying to see how I would react with other girls. None of it phased me as I had a boyfriend I was very much in love with, i also remember him shouting at me for being so ”hard to get”
The more i reciprocated this year I noticed his social media interaction changed I’ve embaressed him alot and he was using his female friends to make me jelous again as he was convinced I was playing games with him.
He finished uni and I continued to tell him off and explain how none of his female friends are interested in him because of how girls are and I know all of them have boyfriends anyway and he’s so subtle none of them will reciprocate too.
He also told me the night he told me how he felt that I was the only girl who was close to him. He barely comes online as much as he did now when we used to talk before. It is just a few minutes then he logs off this is for all social media I noticed. He will go on one app and another at the same time. It’s like he’s just making it look like he has a social life but I know he doesn’t.
I decided to delete him off facebook now to force him to interact with me in person instead plus he has a lot of my friends as mutual friends so he can use that to spy which he was doing before plus he knows my boyfriends still around.
Can he still have feelings for me after a year or has he moved on. I heard if men are really interested they will do whatever it takes to get the girl but his self-esteem is so poor i wouldn’t be suprised if he’s just gone back into a shell of fear again after all the stress and embaresment.
Plus my boyfriend of 10 years never pursued me it was me who chased him and he fell for me. My friend and my boyfriend have very similar personalities but my friend over the years started to turn bitter which I never understood why before but i figured it was because he was getting no where near me fast cause of my boyfriend.
But they are very similar in personality and it took alot of telling my boyfriend off and telling him what to do to get him to come out of his shell.
Does chasing all introverted men work or does it put pressure on them. I’m also introverted I hate men chasing me so were were clashing a lot cause he wanted to chase and work on his pace and I told him off cause I wasn’t ready to drop my time for him.
Any advice would help and sorry for the ramble.
Anne
December 23, 2016 at 1:35 pm
Thanks for you input,
As it stand I still live with my ex, when this came out with my friend me and my ex had only recently separted a month prior. So we were both working thorough our feelings for each other and our future. Where we saw each other progressing etc.
We both live in a fairly large house and he isn’t from my town and has work and friends here. We separated our rooms and our lives a bit more. We are still on good terms and good friends with each other. I didn’t want to make things any more painful for him nor did I want to rock the boat for myself until we had both talked things through with each other about progressing.
So at the time I was working through that with him and my friend assumed because we had split it was an opportunity for him to come out with how he felt, assuming my ties with my ex were over and chances are I hated my ex etc as I assume he thought break ups were only because people are on bad terms or out of love with each other etc.
Only it was un-expected for me and the way he was forcing me to go out with him at the time was in an aggressive way and I reacted aggressively back.
The reason I was explaining the past to my friend was the event with him was emotionally painfull for me too as I didn’t want to lose him as a friend over it and explained why I had missed his hints in the past as they were mainly online and he hid his feelings really well from me in person.
I had lost my memories for weeks afterwards but I did my research and found how I reacted was typical when the guy friend leads the female into thinking he is only interested in friendship and the female is being only friendly back not flirty. Which i was the whole time with him I never stepped over my boundaries with him once. I never spent 1-1 time with him etc apart from when I last saw him but I was separated at the time so it was okay for me but i kept physical boundaries and conversation cordial.
I also read men over estimate female interest. It felt like his interest in me was border lining obsession at the time and after the event he told me he wanted to just stay friends. But I explained to him that we can not go back to being just friends now as the dynamic has changed for me. He is acting aloof and cold.
I also believe he is on the autistic spectrum as I remember him mentioning something like that to me years ago also that he hasn’t been in a intimate physical relationship with a female before either.
His habits are that of someone with autism too and it explains why there was alot of confusion between us and him not understanding why I wasn’t reciprocating in the past.
So i was just trying to explain the dynamic between females and males. I wasn’t developing more than friendly feelings for him because I wasn’t physically intimate with him and I assume he was using the media etc to court me in the past as that is his understanding of romance.
So we both have very different ideas of romance and I was just explaining that to him. My ex also is on the autistic spectrum his habits were very similar to my friends in the past but over the years he learnt to be more emotionally available and relaxed as he too feared intimacy.
I don’t want to lose my friend but I have made it clear to him that talking online as we used to is not something I want to do as it’s more effort and communication and meaning is lost so by deleating him, I feel it’ll force him to interact with me in person.
I don’t want him to chase me or persue me, for me men chasing me doesn’t feel natural i’m not sure why it’s always been that way, but I’ve always been the aggressor in my relationships but because of it, i’ve attracted more feminine more subtle men.
Mainly insecure mamas boy types, but i’ve always been really happy with them.
So I want him to just treat me as a friend as I have him and try and get him used to learning more about me first instead of just jumping into a serious relationship as he was trying to do before but this time with us both understanding where we stand with each other.
My ex was the same in the past and he too was really eager to jump into a serious relationship I had to teach him about give and take and trying to cater for each other needs and wants and made him understand how you don’t just get a girlfriend and fit her into a dream you cook up in your mind.
Me and him lasted as long as we did for a reason and I feel me and my friend could work out based on his traits too.
But my problem is I think he has withdrawn emotionally to make it easier on himself, he has completely become isolated more so than before and I believe him when he said that he has no other females in his life or has connected with any one else.
But I come with baggage and I feel this is what he is scared to get into, me being with someone this long means I’m more experienced than him and he has jelousy issues and he knows I still live with the ex.
I have spoken to my friend in the same time frame as I did in the past once or twice a month. Only in the past I was only checking in on him and being friendly, the last time I sent him a message was on the 17th Dec just telling him that if he wants to stay friend he knows where I live and is still welcome to hang out as we did before and I just said I missed him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 6:15 am
You need to stop trying to be his friend because if he really wants that..he has long done so.. even if he is introverted.. you’ve kept the doors open and he just doesn’t want to reconnect..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2016 at 9:23 am
Hi Anne,
so, right now,you live alone? When was the last time you talked to him and to your 10 year ex? And you hvae to stop talking about the past with the other guy, because it’s starting to look like you can’t move on, just chasing and trying to convince him why he should try to chase you again
Ana
December 14, 2016 at 9:26 am
It’s more of a question than comment. I dated a guy we broke up and kept seeing each other afterward. We even talked about getting a place together. But a friend from his hometown came to visit after her fiancee cheated on her. She just wanted to get away for a while it as suppose to be a month but it lasted two years. Of which he never stopped calling or texting. After a year I finally said I would see him. We kept seeing each other every couple of weeks, texted every day. Under the assumption he said he told her about me and they weren’t a couple. She recently left and he wants me back. But found out he was sleeping with her while we were together. It may be childish but I asked for one selfless act of love. I asked that he post on a social media site that he loves me and has loves me for two years but made a mistake allowing a friendship to intervene between his true love, me. I told him unless he posted this I would no longer talk or see him. He had been blocked before this and he knows that hasn’t changed. Sis I do the right thing? Was it petty? Childish? I just wanted him to say F*** what they think ur more important and I love u. an act of selfless love. But was it selfish of me to do so?
Ana
December 20, 2016 at 8:50 am
He said he wouldn’t post his business on Facebook. He wanted to go to dinner and discuss us our goals and future. He wanted our pasts to remain just that. He defiantly refused to answer any questions I had about her. He always talked about past exes with me but won’t discuss her. When I finally agreed to see him He switched from dinner to getting a room. I told him I wasn’t into getting a room and that if we were to get together again it would be a very long time before we became intimate again. He kept insisting on just laying together, at the end I agreed to him orally pleasing me (he insisted! A lot) after answering all questions I had regarding her. This conversation took a while. At the end he wanted to change meeting til the next day because he was going to work early in the morning. When I was going to pick him up he just stopped texting and ignored my calls. He could have fallen asleep but he has stood me up in the past. So I freaked out on him. I know! I should have been aloof about it and answered different like the example given but I didn’t that night ….I did, but the next day after several angry texts and various calls. Since then texted twice but he has not texted or called back. It’s been about 5 days. I’m lost as to what to do from here. I know he will contact me at some point, I will not make any further contact until then. Should I meet if he wants to meet and if so should I discuss her? Discuss us first? With the holidays coming up, I didn’t want him to be alone. If he contacts me before then Should I share the holidays with him? He likes my family.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Nope.. if you really want a chance for him to treat you differently, dont put yourself in situations that is hard to refuse. You’re becoming his friend with benefits now..the more you see him even after he ghosts you after sleeping with you, the more you’re lowering your value in him
Ana
December 18, 2016 at 4:34 am
He said he wouldn’t post his business on Facebook like that. He refuses to talk about her. He wants to see me and just start over,leaving the past behind us. His and mine. He has been blocked since August and I only contacted him recently. We were gonna do a face to face but He had to work early the next day so he backed out. Just stopped answering me. I did a little freak out that night and he hasn’t responded all day. I really messed up, I only just read this site. So I should have reacted different. But I don’t know where to go from here. Do I just say ok the girl u lived with for two years is history and never ask of her again? Obviously I will not text til he does first, but what should I do when he does?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 21, 2016 at 9:34 am
you dont have to say that, but it would be better to just start to be independent. Have a new routine, grow and improve yourself..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2016 at 2:41 am
Hi Ana,
that’s not an act of selfless love.. That’s just for you to feel good abd for him to feel ashamed.. And I think, we both know, what you’re asking him to say is not true.. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t do what he did for two years..right now, he’s treating you like his girl on the side..
After you asked that, what did he say?
Lelum
December 13, 2016 at 7:19 am
So, I was dating with the guy and he was really into me & fighting to get my attention and so on. And then I fell in love and forgot I have to play hard to get (I mean, I didn’t. I just have a tough situation – I’m a single mum and I was thinking that there is no point in high expectations unless we are in an official relationship because it will be hard for him ANYWAYS (the father of the baby, the baby itself), so yeah, I’ve been all nice and cute to him…). We argued and he said that I’m kind of ‘too easy’ and he loves to fight for his women and that is why I pushed him away from me. And that now he doesn’t want anything from me. I was sad, but I said ‘ok, I see, take care’ and started NC.
And… should I ask my best friends to tell him (of course pretending it’s their idea) that there is nothing too easy in not overreacting like a 15 yo to any kind of situation because I’m already a grown up woman who knows what she needs so I don’t have to play any ‘Cosmopolitan’ games on him? I mean, I do have high expectations – it’s just… how can you really EXPECT of someone who didn’t commit yet? I need a real life support & commitment, not the one during the dating – so I’m not going to play a princess (as he would like me to) because I have more important things in my life (like my child). But that doesn’t make me EASY, for god’s sake…
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Hi Lelum,
I’m getting a sense that you and him aren’t on the same page about dating. How is he with your child? It’s like he wants fun, not commitment.
Mj
December 10, 2016 at 11:30 am
This may seem like a weird question but I haven’t seen anything on it yet: do you believe the no contact rule still works if he’s doing the same thing to you? I don’t believe he knows about the strategy per sae I just think he’s trying very hard to also no contact me during the breakup. So how does it work if I’m just making it easier on him by not contacting him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 11:38 pm
HI Mj
There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work. But I think you mean if he’s just ignoring you because if he’s doing the no contact rule, then that means he wants you back. Why is he ignoring you?
Sandy
December 9, 2016 at 9:59 am
My boyfriend and i had break up three days ago because i lied about my past. I begged him to patch up but he dint agree.. but he told that we can be friends and he told me if i talk about relationship again he would break this friendship too.. what do i do?? Plz help me?? Should i go with no contact??
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 7:46 pm
Hi Sandy,
He wants to be friends, because he’s still used to having you in his life. Check this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again
Dana
December 8, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because he had lost feelings for me. At first I begged him back and acted really desperate and he was very cold to me. Once I was able to collect myself I realized that I had to stop that so I went 10 days without talking to him. Since that 10 days have been up we have been texting from time to time. Now it’s our 2nd month of not being together. We met up 2 days ago so he could give me my things, we talked for 4 hours, he ended up holding my hand for a while, and we had sex. The next day we talked and we both agreed that it shouldn’t happen again. My question is, is it too late to do NC? Our last meeting was very positive and was the most constructive conversation we had since we broke up. He said he wasn’t ready to date anyone for a while, but his actions are conflicting with his words. He was nervous and ended up holding my hand first all while saying he’s not ready to date? I’m afraid that it’s too late to start NC, but our communication lately has been positive?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hi Dana,
even if it’s too late to do nc, there’s not much other choice. You can stay friends if you want, but it’s not going to give you a chance for him to miss you and for you to improve. If you are going to do it, I think you need to do at least 30 days.
Sam
December 8, 2016 at 12:43 pm
Hi EBR Team,
I am Sam, i was dating a girl for 2 months. i love her but she had just feelings for me. i tried to convince her about staying with me. at first month everything went well, but on the second month, i was too available and too clingy, so she broke up with me. she told me i took a decision that is not gonna work. we are kind of relatives and a good friends. i went on NC more than a month now. she text me for my birthday and i reply shortly and she called me one day after and i did not pick up the phone,than she went on vacation for 3 weeks. she came back and visited my parents and i did not show up for the NC reason. the NC period is already done last week. she is open for contact as friends, but still awkward. i don’t want her as a friend. she is confused now. do i still have hope? what will be a wise next step? please help!!!
Sam
December 12, 2016 at 5:22 pm
I go to the Gym at least 3 times in the week. I hang out with friends. I read different books. I follow some funny programs on T.V.. I did some new look, haircut, beard, new wardrobe choice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 14, 2016 at 8:56 pm
that’s good Sam but when you said you’re relatives, it it as in close relatives? If yes, then it really won’t work.. If not, you have to keep improving yourself. Don’t chase again and start doing new things like volunteering to meet new people and to expand your world.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 1:03 pm
HI Sam,
how much did you improve yourself?
Matth
December 6, 2016 at 8:21 pm
My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago because she said she wasnt feeling the feeling of being really in love like the first time we met, and she said she didnt have the same feelings that we had. Allthough she says she still has some feelings for me, at first i texted her from time to time but then and i asked if we could meet again, but she says she dosent have time. I asked her if we could just be friends and she said no but then i convinced her. She still texts me alot, i tried the no contact rule 2 times, she bombed me with texts saying why i am ignoring her and that she was like “wtf” and “okay. see you”. And then i panicked and called her. I wanna do the no contact but is it okay since we have been talking alot since the breakup?
Matth
December 6, 2016 at 8:22 pm
and she told me i was being too needy and desperate thats a part in why she broke up too. She says i need to play more hard to get
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 7:01 pm
Hi Matth,
this time, pre-empt her. Tell her, it’s not workable for you in staying friends. You need space and time to move on,and when you have, reconnect. And then start a 45 day no contact rule.
Emily
December 5, 2016 at 10:06 pm
me and my boyfriend were together for nearly two years, and he broke up with me yesterday. he did this because the last few months we’ve been arguing a lot because i’ve been very down lately and i’m also a very needy person, so i’ve needed him. we used to spend ALL our time together; if we ever went out, it was with my friends. however recently, he’s suddenly decided he needs space and to see his friends which is fine, but i like to text him and speak to him. he’s also recently not been very nice to me and has stopped saying nice things like how much i mean to him etc, which makes me sad. when i am sad, he just ignores me. anyway we broke up yesterday morning, but he came round yesterday evening because he said he doesn’t want to lose me, but i know i love him too much to be able to stay just friends. we kissed last night, and i tried all day not to text him but i did at 3 just asking what he’s up to, then at 6 saying i can stop texting him if he wants and to let me know what he wants, and again at 9 to say im confused because he’d said last night he still wants to talk to me, and he’s ignored all of them. what do you suggest?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 1:19 am
Hi Emily,
If he doesn’t change his mind, more likely, you’re going to be friendzoned if you kept being friend or he would get annoyed because you will keep being needy. Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Siobhan
December 5, 2016 at 10:21 am
During the no contact rule .. what if you find them on a dating site .. again Not that I am on them my friend shown me
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 12:19 pm
Hi Siobhan,
Dont do anything.. because if you react to that, you would look like you’re social media stalking him..
Brooke
December 5, 2016 at 2:12 am
Hey … me and my friend had bad relationships and everything went so fast with us we wanted kids marriage house everything, we were so perfect together and everyone would tell
Us the same thing. There’s never ben a connection or any love stronger ben what we had – which we even more agree on. If we ever had an argument I would say let’s cook off and sprsknanother day but he was very “no sort This out right now” he was a bit needy at tims but that didn’t bother me. So anyway .. he ended up and I couldn’t handle it .. I was texting non stop and he said for a few weeks “he didn’t know about us anymore” I was trying to convince him daily and he would tell me things like “how would it be different thins time” getting my hopes up, so I carried on basically harassing him. He texts tells me he loves me wants to make this work then changes his mind the next day.. the same thing happened again. I have always said to him let’s meet so we can fix this or walk away for good, but he never did and said stuff like “I can’t look at you, I wouldn’t want to end it” he phoned me talked all over me and just ended things. I just don’t know what to do and which would be the best rule for me?
Brooke
December 6, 2016 at 1:39 am
8 month the relationship was, this had been going on for two months and when he called me and ended it (the final time) that was Thursday
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 3:03 am
If he’s being like that, and suggesting to talk doesn’t work, even if there’s not guarantee that the no contact rule will, it’s still the better choice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 3:13 pm
Hi Brooke,
how long was the relationship and when did he break up with you?
emi
December 3, 2016 at 7:53 pm
my bf and i broke up almost five months ago. when school started again, we would have very short and brief conversations but then all of a sudden two months passed and we hadn’t talked. every time i try to text him it’s always really short and he’s so stubborn and won’t admit that nothing is really normal between us anymore. he ends conversations abruptly and i made a mistake of telling him i missed him a few days ago. should i still do the NC rule? and for how long? and does this mean i can’t like his posts on instagram or view his snapchat story?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 4, 2016 at 10:39 am
Hi Emi,
yeah, you can still try it.. But you have to keep in mind, for him, what’s normal is your just friends..so, just be friendly only after nc..slowly buils rapport and attraction from that.. Yep, you cant like his posts, no social media stalking..just focus in improving yourself
emi
December 3, 2016 at 5:25 pm
so my bf and i were doing great for two months before i panicked for some reason and ended it right there. i blocked his number and we didn’t talk for around half a month, but the conversation was really short. then it was two months until we had another short conversation and they all seem to be okay but when I decided to text him he left me on read and cut the conversation short so i’m not sure what happened. how long should i do the NC rule for? and does this mean not liking any of his posts too??
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 4, 2016 at 10:39 am
Hi Emi,
yeah, you can still try it.. But you have to keep in mind, for him, what’s normal is your just friends..so, just be friendly only after nc..slowly buils rapport and attraction from that.. Yep, you cant like his posts, no social media stalking..just focus in improving yourself
Sarah Ganton
November 28, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Trying the NC Rule but what do I do if he asks me to hang out?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2016 at 5:50 pm
Hi Sarah,
You have to ignore the text. If it’s in person, refuse..
venus
November 28, 2016 at 3:57 am
Hello, I have been dating this guy for about 2/3 months and everything was great. He was very open with his emotions with me and we could talk openly . I was hesitant at the beginning but he won me over. he has always been texting me frequently. lately ( in the last two weeks) hes been pretty distance, with much less contact, we don’t text or talk as much as before) but when I asked if anything was wrong in his life (he’s going through a fair bit of stuff) he said no. the last straw was when i texted him last thurs, i didn’t get any reply, so i called him after several hours has passed. he flipped and got mad with me and said that he did talked to me after my text, which was untrue. we didn’t talk at all. i asked him about his comment, to which he kept quiet about it. we haven’t spoken since then, i have only sent one text message saying that i’ll give him space and he could message once he’s ready to talk. so far i haven’t heard anything from him and really have no idea what to do 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 9:57 pm
Hi Venus,
if you’re just dating she’s not really exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend, and he’s going through a lot, then he might think you’re being needy.. Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Laura
November 26, 2016 at 11:23 pm
Hi, Amor! How can I make the no contact rule work for me if my relationship was long distance and my ex left the relationship not interested in me as a girlfriend or a friend because I was too clingy and told me not to talk to him anyway?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Hi laura
i’m just going to paste my answer to your previous post because it seems like, it didnt appear on your end?
You have to be active in posting is social media.. whether he has an account or not, because there is still a big chance that he will check your account once he gets curious why you stopped chasing.
I didn’t understand your last question though..If you meant you were clingy, that means you weren’t active enough in your own time because if you were active in your time, you wouldn’t be clingy. Yes, you are distant, but I think what you meant is that you were demanding? Correct me if I’m wrong. That still means you’re clingy. He has to see during and after nc that you’re more busy. You don’t have much time for him and you’re not asking nor demanding more time from him anymore because you have a lot on your plate.
He has to see that you’re starting to move on during nc, so that there’s a higher chance that he will initiate during it or he would think that you’re just being friendly after nc if you initiate. That’s why you have to keep the routine that you will start during nc while your’e rebuilding rapport with him slowly.
Grace
November 25, 2016 at 11:23 pm
My ex-broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. At first I tried the “friend ” thing in hopes of getting him back, every contact I got a friendly response but after 2 weeks of that I decided it was just too painful. I’ve done no contact for a bit over a week, I still see him daily at school, but have remained distanced. Im worried NC will not work and only give him what he wants, he is very out going and started talking to me just weeks after breaking up with the girl he was dating before me, additionally I was very clingy at the end of our relationship , Im worried that although he cares about me this time will only allow him a quick escape and will only want to be friends when I contact him in a few weeks
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 27, 2016 at 7:11 pm
Hi Grace,
it’s not about just stopping to talk to him because you’re right. He wants space and you’re giving it, which is good but the no contact rule should be more for you. You have to improve yourself.
R
November 23, 2016 at 5:37 pm
Hi Amor,
I posted my question in another section, but it disappeared. Me and my ex/current boyfriend situation is a bit tricky. He started seeing this new girl while he’s still with me, because he felt I am not the one, but I didn’t want to break up, so he said he can’t commit to me, but we continue to see each other and he’s free to see whoever he wants. I found out through social media that he’s going to an event with the new girl. I am tempted to go there and I guess it’s bad idea? Maybe I will get more hurt seeing them together? I read the guide about being there without being threatening, how do I show my presence without crossing the line? Any suggestions in my situation? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 25, 2016 at 8:02 pm
Hi R
have you done the no contact rule? So, for a long time you stayed in contact because you still love him, if you showed up in that concert it would look like you’re keeping an eye on him right? Staying present will only help if he thinks you have moved on and improved and if your presence doesn’t look intentional..