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Shelly
January 17, 2017 at 3:19 pm
Hi
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago. I’ve been wanting to do the no contact rule but it seems impossible in my situation. We are both in our senior year of high school and he’s in my classes. He’s also in my friend group, so he’s there at break times and when we go out…. He is literally everywhere. I stopped texting him but just that doesn’t seem like enough for the whole no contact rule as I see him all of the time. We don’t really talk to each other directly, but I mean at break times when talking to friends, we talk in a group. I am not going to stop hanging out with my friends though just because of him, as that is unfair on me and shows that something is wrong to everyone. I’m not sure what to do about this and how to apply the no contact rule. Can you please give me advice on what to do in this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2017 at 8:43 pm
Hi Shelley,
follow the advice on this way..it’s almost the same situation..
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Kristy
January 17, 2017 at 4:16 am
My ex boyfriend came to my front door unexpectedly after 2 days NC. He was shaking Saying he was worried about me and he had anxiety as I didn’t reply. We have been split up for 3 weeks now and have spoken on and off as he moved out of our home on New Years eve. He said he doesn’t want to lead me on and doesn’t want to put me through anymore pain but said he misses me and wanted to hold me, I gave in and let him stay the night. He said it was more than just s#x and sent me a msg saying was nice being with me. Should I go back to no contact with him or see where this goes?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2017 at 6:31 pm
Hi Kristy,
if you’ve been on and off before, it’s more likely that it will still be like that
Daan
January 16, 2017 at 11:25 pm
I have been dating this girl for 6 weeks now. I am 17 and she is 18 and we live a 45minute train ride from eachother, but she realised yesterday she was not ready for a relationship yet. Now this seems easy… just wait it out and see when she is ready… But the thing is we agreed to remain friends. She also said she still finds me atractive and really sweet. Now the distance is also a big issue, but ill be studying next door to her in 1.3 years. Wich will make it easier to date. I am now willing to try the NC rule. At the end of this period ill ask her to hang out(or shell ask me if all goes well) but ill also be having exams when that period comes… and after that shell be a week in belgium so that would result in not seeing her for 7 weeks. Should i meet up with her in 4 weeks and then after be bussy with exams in, 7 weeks, or is it better to wait the full 1.3 years. There is also a slight chance ill imigrate to Canada in 2 years. And she is really wort it…
Daan
January 16, 2017 at 11:35 pm
I forgot to say that it might be a different reason why she decided its best to break up. She also said she doesnt want to fall in love anymore because it will only hurt more that way in the future… and she felt it just wasnt right al though she still realy liked me.. her parents gor divorced….i even send her a teddy bear when she was sick a week ago. So we had a phone call yesterday where i said i was oke to move on and we laughed a little about some memories. She also said i couldnt have possibly done anything better. I said that we should talk it out next week when i was with her but then she said again she doesnt eant to get hurt more because of a more severe break-up Thank you in advance.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2017 at 3:39 pm
Hi Daan,
try texts first after no contact period..and then calls and then meet ups because you have to slowly build rapport first before meeting up again
Daan
January 16, 2017 at 11:19 pm
I have been dating this girl for 6 weeks now. I am 17 and she is 18 and we live a 45minute train ride from eachother, but she realised yesterday she was not ready for a relationship yet. Now this seems easy… just wait it out and see when she is ready… But the thing is we agreed to remain friends. She also said she still finds me atractive and really sweet. Now the distance is also a big issue, but ill be studying next door to her in 1.3 years. Wich will make it easier to date. I am now willing to try the NC rule. At the end of this period ill ask her to hang out(or shell ask me if all goes well) but ill also be having exams when that period comes… and after that shell be a week in belgium so that would result in not seeing her for 7 weeks. Should i meet up with her in 4 weeks and then after be bussy with exams in 7 weeks or is it better to wait the full 1.3 years. There is also a slight chance ill imigrate to Canada in 2 years. And she is really wort it…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2017 at 3:38 pm
Hi Daan,
try texts first after no contact period..and then calls and then meet ups because you have to slowly build rapport first before meeting up again
Diane
January 15, 2017 at 4:33 pm
I disagree with ignoring the ex. It depends on what the ex comes back with after you’ve done NC. In my case, he came back with something very substantive to say and a solid reason. If he simply said Hey – I’d ignore that. But don’t ignore a man who makes a real effort. Otherwise you’d look like you are playing games snd men do see through that. Good luck!
DDC
January 12, 2017 at 6:20 am
Hi,
I’m currently doing the no contact rule however my ex contacts me still with some personal matters, left over things, et al. I reply to him about those but should I reply to him if he is asking a question about something. I also would like to know if I will break my NC if I text/remind him about financial stuff? In case he forgot to make the payment. We still have unfinished finances that might go on for the rest of the year so I dunno how to approach it. I’m currently on my 11th day and I’m doing the 30days.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 13, 2017 at 12:22 pm
Hi DDC,
it’s ok to talk about important stuff, just make it only about those stuff.
Mln
January 10, 2017 at 11:47 pm
I was wondering whether this also applied to the early stages of dating. I have been dating a guy for a month and all of a sudden he decided it was not working and that we should probably stop seeing each other for good. He sent me a text telling me that and I told him that if he really felt that way, we should probably see each other and talk it out. We did now and I feel extremely heartbroken. He still does not want to see me and I am afraid that his life will just continue as if I never existed and he won’t think about me for an instant. Do you think that NC will work for this particular guy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 11, 2017 at 12:15 pm
Hi Min,
there’s no guarantee that it will but it’s either you move on, or try doing no contact period and improve yourself
Laura
January 8, 2017 at 4:58 pm
My boyfriend of 7 months broke up withon dec 11th.he said he dont feel the same.he is no a dateing site i told him i wanted him back and he said he dont.5 days after we broke up i told him i loved him he said it back.i still love him and want him what should i do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 10:33 pm
Hi Laura,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Lori
January 7, 2017 at 2:42 pm
After dating my ex for a month, he just stopped texting or calling. He reads my texts but doesn’t reply. On new years eve, he decided to block me on whatsapp but didn’t unfriend on fb. I unfriend him, mistake after reading the article of not. I’m doing the NC right now but after showing how he’s so inlove with me and then just stopped, I just don’t get it. We didn’t even fight.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 8:48 am
Hi Lori,
before you got back together, why dod you break up and how long were you broken up?
Sarah
January 6, 2017 at 1:15 pm
Hello!
My ex boyfriend broke up with me on the day before New Years. Not only is the break up hard, but I’ve moved towns for him, and after him encouraging I also moved jobs closer to where we were living. In the area I only have 1 friend and no family. I started the no contact rule after our last conversation on New Year’s Day. I’m lucky to have that 1 friend who is allowing me to stay at here until I figure out what I’m going to do. I packed most of my things but there are still a fair few things I need to get from our house. These are things just like extra clothes, small belongings and text books which I need for uni which starts again in feb. When should I go to the house to collect these items without breaking the no contact rule? I’m in no hurry but he’s a bit of an idiot and I’m just worried about those things left there, and don’t want him throwing them away. I can usually guess what time he usually isn’t home. Should I go in when he’s not there? I still have keys and I’m on the lease. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 3:51 pm
Hi Sarah,
why did he break up with you? If you can get it without seeing him better..it’s ok to talk about your stuff during nc, as long as it’s only about those
Sherry
January 5, 2017 at 10:46 pm
My ex-boyfriend and I are older (51 and 48) and started out pretty hot and heavy about 6 months ago after meeting on eHarmony. We are VERY similar (matched between 96 and 100% on all categories by eHarmony) and love to crack each other up. He talked pretty early about moving in (eventually) and marriage (“unless something MAJOR happens”). (This would be his 3rd marriage and my first.) Unfortunately, we both experienced about 3 months of VERRRRRRY stressful time (work mostly) and we had less time for each other (we even went over 4 weeks without having sex because he was SO exhausted–genuinely!). I thought that once things settled down (in December, but then there is Christmas!), we would regain our connection and time for each other. We took our first vacation together, but it was uncomfortable for me and it wasn’t very romantic, despite being in a very beautiful, mountainous, romantic setting. When I asked him about his distant behavior, he said I was “reading too much into it.” When we got home and talked about it (New Year’s day after playing tennis and laughing/hanging out having fun!), he said maybe we are too much alike because, although we still have AMAZING sex, he feels like I’m more like a friend (or even a sister–ugh!). We jointly and amicably split up because, despite my belief that we could regain the passion we once had, he didn’t believe he would change his mind (he said he had “thought” about it for several weeks). He asked if I’d still like to be friends and I said, “The girl in me says yes, but the psychologist (yes, I’m a psychologist!) in me says that won’t likely work,” since our future partners aren’t likely to appreciate us spending time with an ex, even as a friend. We hugged goodbye and I heard him take two quick breaths (like he was crying, although I didn’t see any real tears). As he walked out to his car, I told him I loved him and after a couple second hesitation, he looked back and said, “I love you, too, Sherry” and got in his car and drove away. The next day (as expected), I stalked his FB page and saw that I was no longer his friend or following him (I’m not sure how the following thing works, honestly). I thought long and hard about it for two days and (before I found Ex-boyfriend Recovery) decided to write him a brief e-mail saying that since we are basically in the same field and have SO much in common, I felt I made a hasty move (as my brain was BUZZING from the fact that he wasn’t willing to try to fix things) and would of course like to be friends, since I generally enjoy smart and funny people for friends. I sent this Tuesday morning and haven’t heard a reply 2 days later. I read information from your pages about NC and what to do on my FB page and how to focus on my own self (I posted that I’m returning to ballroom dance lessons and plan to post a pic when I play tennis tonight). So, my question is:
What do I do if HE is doing NC to ME???
I don’t feel overly anxious (well, not as much as I usually would in this situation) and know that he will see all the fun I’m having on my FB posts. I have to believe that he will remember how much fun we had and how much we have in common, but if he never contacts me, I guess NC doesn’t work! Should I EVER contact him (after a month or two)? Any advice??? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 7, 2017 at 6:08 am
Hi Sherry,
If he doing the nc rule, that means he wants you back because after it he would have to build rapport. But I think what you mean is that he’s ghosting you. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it wouldn’t be nice to keep messaging you when it’s apparent that he’s ignoring you. And I think what he meant with what he said is that there is no mystery in you, because you two are too alike. He can’t see you as someone intriguing enough to make him interested and chase you.
PS 0708
January 5, 2017 at 7:27 am
I met this guy and we fell for each other pretty fast. I asked him if he was ready as I am not ready for a heart break again ( lost a lot of my family recently). He was sweet and understanding. Made me believe that he won’t break my heart and he is ready for a relationship (he came out of a 5 year old live in relationship 7-8months ago). But after 2 months of staying together and having fun. One fine day he starts behaving distant ( his ex gf got pregnant) and when I asked about it he said he wasn’t giving me anything. He is struggling with his career yada yada. And when I asked him what does he want he.said he isn’t ready for a relationship. I was heart broken. But in a couple hours I calmed down and forgave him. I told him what he is going through. ( I really do) he wants to be in touch with me still. Should I talk to him or just move on. I thought he was the one. ( We broke up a week ago)
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 7, 2017 at 4:22 am
HI PS 0708,
he got his ex pregnant? For me, you should move on because you said it yourself, you thought he was the one, which means now you know he’s not. So, why would you stay?
Kay
January 4, 2017 at 6:37 pm
If you are in no contact and your ex is sending you snapchats should you not open them?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 6, 2017 at 7:16 pm
Hi Kay
not really but it would be better if you dont open them
Rose
January 4, 2017 at 12:27 am
my ex bf wished me for happy new year like at 2:30 am on the 31/12 ( not yet New Year’s Eve ) it wasn’t a cold msg
I wished him back too ( not a cold msg as well ) and I don’t know if I did wrong but I asked about him, he answered but he didn’t ask about me as I said hope always he said assuming I’m good ” you more as well ” the conversation stopped here ( I got pissed), then he liked my nye’s pic on insta .-.
In fact on the 3rd of dec he sent a heart on instamsg then unsend it so I asked if he sent anything he was like nothing just wanted to say thanks for the support I welcomed and that’s was the conversation
And On the 28th oct I tried contacting him after 4 months of NC but I was cold formal, he tried to break the ice by calling me with my nickname; I remained cold so he ignored me.
im wondering what is this ? What should I do?
Ps i have improved so much since the break up
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 8:57 pm
Hi Rose,
it does mean you cross his mind but what do you want? If you want to build rapport, do it through texts and calls first. If you want to move on, ignore him
Christina
January 3, 2017 at 5:02 pm
my boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago and we’ve been together for almost 7 years. We have not talked since. Today I received the message from one of our shared friends that his grandfather died last night and he is now on his way to the airport to be with his family. I knew his family well obviously and loved them. I feel like it would be appropriate to send condolences to him and his family. Just a short message. Is that an exception to the rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 2:51 pm
Hi Christina,
Yeah, that’s ok.
Gisselle
January 3, 2017 at 5:14 am
Hi,
My bf and I have been in a relationship for about a year and 9 months. We broke up about two months ago because I am about to graduate from college and he seems not to focus on his career or future. The thing is he broke up with me because during our relationship I focused on helping him to follow a “correct” path for him to have a better future…and a better future for both of us. Getting him on the right track was pretty difficult ’cause he kept flunking and missing classes, so that kind of dissappointed me in a way that I started to treat him a little…indifferent. Dont get me wrong I loved him…and I still do. He is a a very nice person and besides he flunking he was perfect to me. He really treated me like a queen and I have no complains whatsover about him. He dumped me because he says that I was too “cold” cause he made every possible effort for me and I didnt. Thing is we tried being “just friends” and dating and that obviously failed terribly. After a date, I decided to tell him that we shouldnt contact each other for two weeks (final weeks for final exams cause NOW he says that all he cares about are his classes) so that we both have a little time to cool off, think and get out of college stress. The idea was that after those two weeks, we could talk about what we have thought. He didnt reach out for me…so I did. He finally told me that he’s not comfortable talking to me right now. A friend of his showed me a text where he told him that he didnt want to see me (several friends of ours and him were going out) because for him out time had already gone…After that I basically started the NC without actually knowing. I now have about 12 days since the day I asked him If we could talk. I really dont know what to do by this point. I plan on keeping the NC but Im scared that he really just looses all interest in me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 2:33 pm
Hi Gisselle,
Then take this as a restart. When did you ask him to talk?
Amanda
January 2, 2017 at 4:17 am
I have been separated from my husband about a year now. He has come back twice trying to make it work but then after 2 months says he just can’t be the husband I need & I deserve better. He suffers from depression & anxiety. I know he still loves me because he says he doesn’t want to ever stop seeing me or being part of my life. In the past I have begged & being needy so I am thinking of doing the NC rule because in this time he has always known I was there so no fear of losing me. I haven’t spoken to him in 3 days and he messaged me now so my question is do I actually tell him I need time thereby initiating the NC rule again or do I just carry on ignoring him giving him no context as to why I am not writing back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 4, 2017 at 4:27 pm
Hi Amanda,
if you’ve talked everyday like friends then it would be better to say to him that the current situation is not working for you and you need space bit dont tell him for how long you’re going to do nc
Kai
December 30, 2016 at 6:48 am
My boyfriend of 3 years (almost 2 years living together) broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I had just come back from a holiday to visit family for 5 days, I had a bad time while I was away because there has been a lot of rough times during this year for my family so I was feeling down a lot. We kept in contact during my holiday as we were still together at this point but I was always acting really down and not engaging in conversation much with him. Once I came back I was staying at my fathers place for the night which is roughly 1 1/2 hours away from where my boyfriend lived and while I was at my fathers I called him late at night upset that he had barely talked to me all day. Basically we got mad at each other over the phone and he was extremely tired from working lots, I was so mad I even said to him “I will only say I love you to someone who loves me back” I didn’t mean it but I was just mad at the time. He said I love you and goodnight but I just hanged up on him. The next day I went back to his place where we both lived together but he was acting weird all day. When I got there I said I wanted to talk about things because I wanted to apologise for my actions the past week, he then broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me like I love him and he didn’t miss me while I was away. He said that he was happier with me gone. Anyway, I went back to my parents place and a few days later went back to his place to pick up my things. He didn’t want to talk about anything and kept saying he doesn’t miss me or regret his decision. I went back again a few days after that to say goodbye to his parents and to pick up more of my belongings, I ended up staying the night because it was raining and my car is too unsafe for the 1 1/2 hr trip home. We talked a lot that night and he said he feels lost and like a huge disappointment. Anyway, I’ve stopped contact with him since then because I was texting him too much and getting barely any reply. I’m scared that the no contact rule will be pointless and that he truly is happier without me. Before the break up we did fight often but always forgave each other, I thought we always seemed in love but suddenly he just completely changed. I feel that to no contact rule just makes it easier for him to forget all about me, that he has already moved onto another woman. I’m very confused and lost because he doesn’t seem or act like the man I know. Sorry about the long story and thank you !
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 3:08 pm
Hi Kai,
you mean you want to move on?
Sarah
December 26, 2016 at 9:14 pm
Does no contact period still apply if you’ve spoken once or twice throughout the 30days… only brief chats spaced maybe 1-1.5weeks apart?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 29, 2016 at 4:13 am
Hi Sarah,
as in small talk? Nope..
Angie
December 26, 2016 at 7:41 am
Hi so this is my second time doing the no contact rule. The first time I only lasted 1 week and 5 days. Oops. Anyways I’m doing it again. & I started the 23 of dec. Here’s a little back ground info, we were together for about a 1 & 2 months. But known each other for about 3 years. We honestly broke up and got back together within 2 weeks, more then 8 times. Before I decided to do the 30 no contact rule again, we were already broken up, but still talking and acting like we were still together & did that for about a month. But I hated that because I felt so stupid and lost. He didn’t want the title of my boyfriend but still wanted me to act and treat him like he was that. & I really wasn’t happy with this situation so I told him I would be leaving, and that I needed time. That I thought we both needed time. So now it’s the 25th, Christmas and he texted me saying “Can we talk about what would need to happen for us to be together? Like, a serious conversation?” And I was just wondering if I could get advice on whether to text him back saying I need more time, or just ignore the text.
Angie
December 29, 2016 at 11:30 pm
Yes. I said not now I need time. And he tired calling but I ignored it. His birthday is coming up too. /:
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 2:36 pm
I know its hard but you have to ignore that too
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 5:26 pm
Hi Angie,
did you reply?