The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

sri

September 9, 2015 at 4:52 pm

Hey chris
I completed my nc nd contacted him today
My situation is little complicated….i went to nc right aftr the breakup without telling him bt i broke it in 15 days which blew on my face …so i started 30 days nc again and completed it..
Now the thing is that before doing nc again on him i sent him a msg telling him that i accet the breakup and not to contact me during thia period..i wil contact him when i’ll be really..wen i texted him first aftr nc he sent me the same acceptance text and nothing else…den i tried to tell him that i needed space so i had to do it…o dont know really if i still have a chance to win him back..but i have became diffrnt aftr nc..i dont panuc anymore..i am handling his negative msgs with patience
Tell mw what should i do now?
Julia

September 9, 2015 at 3:46 pm

Hello Chris
it s been a while since I ve visited the web site
Il just dropping to say Thhhhhannnnnk youuuuuu, I followed your advices for mounths and i can say that i succeded in getting my ex back
Thank you Ur the best
I just have to mention that I m in an online LDR, and I ve never met the Guy before, however I m meeting him in the next few mounths, I know u dont consider the relashionship where the girl didnt met the Guy before, but this is how it turn out and the Guy is worth it I guess
À little question does those advices about getting Exs applies also when the boyfriend pull away sometimes in the relashionship, and how could those advices be adapted in this case ?

Ur the best, more of succession to the web site !!

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 5:06 pm

Well thank you for the kind words!

HA

September 9, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Hey Chris

So basically I was left like 5 days ago due to typical ,,It’s not you it’s me”. He just told me that he doesn’t feel the chemistry and that he likes me and everything BUT there’s something missing. As I was contacted by his friend I found out that he’s been acting all crazy due to a lot of problems (work, health, etc) and she told me that he’s not lying, he’s just trying to spare me the hurt. Anyway I bumped on your website and, I can say, it’s giving me a whole new perspective, but also, a bit of consolation. I’ve read every single article so I’m trying to implement the NCR. But, it’s my third day and I’m still torn because of everything. He hasn’t contacted me and I’m quite in a limbo because sometimes I tend to think that I’m not good enough. I would really appreciate if you could give me a bit of advice on how should I approach to this thing and how to communicate with him freely so that I don’t seem desperate or worse, hurt. Also, we’ve been dating for two months (it’s quite short), but I really have a gut feeling that he is good for me.

HA

September 9, 2015 at 3:30 pm

I would also like to point out that most of my relationships ended with ,,it’s not you it’s me”, and it’s always hard to get back on track and regain the self-esteem. I hope that I’m not doing anything wrong.
And thank you so much!

Taylor

September 9, 2015 at 2:10 pm

Hi Chris,

I was wondering if you could give me a bit of advice. First a little bit of background – I was dating someone else when my (now ex) boyfriend started pursuing me. He pursued for probably 3 months – texting, calling, flirting while I had a boyfriend. To be honest my relationship at the time wasn’t exactly what I wanted. I ended up dumping my boyfriend and started dating the pursue-er. We caught on really fast. He was married before and went through a bad divorce, so I was treading lightly.. didn’t want to rush into things or scare him. Only a few weeks in he had asked me to be his girlfriend and just a few weeks after that, told me he was in love with me. We had an amazing relationship. I really thought he was the one. He was always telling me I was the love of his life, he’s never loved someone so much, I make him so happy, what a change from his past relationship, etc. We dated for 7 months. Right up until the end he was telling me he wanted to marry me and start a family with me and live with me. He had a few issues here and there – twice he got scared and tried to end things but after talking for a few moments I reassured him and things were fine. – better than ever. Towards the end there was like a week of anxiety between us. I sensed something was off, he would keep asking “what was wrong” it was just weird. Things were getting better.. all the while he was still telling me how much he loves me and promising me the future. We went to a wedding together and we were having a great time. Halfway through he got weird.. said he wanted to leave. I left with him. On the way home he went on this rant of how he doesn’t think he can ever get married again and invite the same people etc. I told him it was OK we didn’t need to worry about that right now.. He insisted that we take time apart. Then went on to say he wonders if he is missing out on other women and that there is one woman in particular that’s single now that he would like to take on a date. Complete blind side. When we got back to his house I begged and pleaded like an idiot. He wouldn’t give in. I ended up taking all of my things, he asked for his key back. We haven’t spoken since – neither of us have tried. I’m in day 4 of no contact. We’ve both deleted each other off of social media and he has untagged himself in photos of us. Do you think this is even salvageable? I feel like he doesn’t even care. How could all of what he said mean nothing to him and not phase him? I want to try and work things out. Do you think he will come around? Also, thank you so much for all of your information here. It has been a big help so far.

–Taylor

Taylor

September 10, 2015 at 1:05 pm

Update – He has now deleted my mother and sister from Facebook and last night I downloaded Tinder to distract myself and he popped right up.

Nikita Singh

September 9, 2015 at 11:24 am

My boyfriend broke up with me after dating me for 15 months, he broke just two days back. And needless to say i am devastated. He says that its not working out and and it really doesnt make sense anymore and hence he needs to walk away.
I met him yesterday to plead and he was just stuck to his decision. I have spoken to his best friend and he thinks that it’s just a fight and that he will come back to me after a week or so. But i dont know anything anymore.
So today in the morning i sent him a long message saying that i still love and always will. And one day he will realize that this walking away was not the right solution. I also said that i am going to wait for him.
To which he replied saying that he needs time to be the same person again.

His best friend told me to now start acting aloof. To make him chase me. And i am planning to do so.

But was my sending him that message an act of utter desperation (it was, to be honest) and will that push him away ?

What should i do next ?
Liz

September 9, 2015 at 10:26 am

Thank you for the reply, Chris 🙂
I’m the girl with the tough situation
“3 yrs LDR with my ex, after 5 days of breaking up, he has a new girl now 35 days dating/ relationship, not sure it’s cheating or rebound”

Yes, we did have the future plan to get married first and live in the same country at the end.
However, right after a week we talked more abt this future plan, he broke up with me for this girl.
I am very worry abt their relationship as the time past, but it seems staying calm and improving myself are the only things I can do now. I will keep doing the NC for a week as you recommended, it’s day 3 now still no response from him… only day 1 had his response. After this one week of NC, I will also keep the contact with our mutual friend to understand the situation more.

I knew from the day 15 that I should keep contact no matter what the reason is, at least there will be chances to get him back.
During the talking, he was obviously surprised saying that he wasn’t expect I love him that much.
And a week after day 15, we talked more abt the final decision of future plan, he replied me that “his mind is so messed up with works and other stuff these days ” that’s why he hasn’t be able to reply me anything related to this future topic so far.
I can’t really interpret these words are good sign or bad, what would you think?

There’s one time I told him my depression (which I really shouldn’t have done that:(( ), I actually wrote down “I’m depressed like this bcz you made your choice”. Suddenly he told me that there’s no need to answer all questions in advance. I really wondered what is in his mind now? is he confused like he told that his mind is messed up, or is he just playing with me? or he just telling some comforting words to not to be annoyed by me? How do I know if he is not txting me out of sympathy bcz I was begging him alot before? or he keep the contact bcz he felt guilty bcz he cheated? or it’s bcz of love as he said but not as much as before?

Also right now I have other concern, bcz his personality is easy to be affect by other, that’s why he can promise to keep contact with me when I begging him crying that much even he has a new girl… I’m guessing his decision of breaking up was also influenced by that girl for sometimes. Otherwise how could a man telling loving you so much to get married and live together suddenly turned his back to you next day. That’s why I get nervous if I keep distance with him.

Btw, abt the cultural factors, there’s one thing that obvious from his culture is showing strong jealousy and protective mind, however in mine it’s not encourage to show jealous but to respect the space of each other. Maybe it’s the reason making him thought that I don’t love him that much, but that’s the way I love, to respect.

I’m very confused and worried. I will do anything for winning him back (I have all legitimate reasons honestly)
Abby

September 9, 2015 at 5:02 am

Hi Chris,
Im so desperate. I broke up with my ex 4 mos ago, i have done 2 successful NC at 30days each. Yet, i cant seem to get him back. He seems to be emotionally shut down. He usually ignores my messages. I think i pretty much have made improvements since we broke up. I go on vacation with friends, i went to the gym, get a swimming lesson and i was even promoted at work. He is financially stable himself and is taking vacations lately too to my dream destinations so i dont think he is insecure of me.
Has he finally moved on? I was thinking of sending him an email telling him i still love him and ask him if we still have a chance to rekindle things else i will finally walk away (which is true)-for good no matter how hard it is. I love him so much and i am willing to compromise so when i finally walk away, i dont have any what ifs.
Should i send that mail, simply walk away or try again another NC-how long?
I would appreaciate your thoughts on this as this has take its toll on me.

Abby

September 9, 2015 at 5:28 am

We are in LDR by the way and we end things because he cheated on me. Last time I heard, they didnt work out with the girl and date another one but didnt work out either. I have tried to look for a clue of any new relationships in his social media but to no avail. Pictures are often just the view or he is alone and posts are rare.

Imogen

September 8, 2015 at 11:01 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m in a bit of mess right now and totally lost, we’ve been broken up for 2 months now and the break up was down to him starting to love me but didn’t know what happened and his fears of commitment overwhelming him; we were together for 1 1/2 years and both eachother’s longest relationship, he said I got the closest and he introduced me to his dad’s family which he never did before. I stuck to no contact and then reinitiated after a month where he made no effort to contact me at all, nor did he seem interested. After i had a mutual friend pick an item of mine that was at his place I said we could not be friends and he was okay with that…so I went back into no contact again and nothing from him at all. I’ve been socialising more and progressing with my life and dreams to be a pastry chef and have had interest from other men…including his friend. This is where I messed up, his friend after confessing told me that he had interest in his previous ex before me who he had not had any contact with for over a year….I was devastated and fell back to square 1. They have been together twice before and she is just a teenager…I ended up arguing with him about how I felt our time together was meaningless to him and he said that was untrue and that he had no idea she had any interest in him til her family mentioned it and they began talking again but they’re not together; I know they will end up together though as he admitted he is interested in her again and it makes me feel sick…I told him he was lucky to even have me and won’t do any better to which he said he knows, and the thought goes through his mind but he can’t change it and it’s messed because of him, he said he’d put in the effort to be my friend if it helps me and I declined and said we should go seperate ways and to get rid of the things I got him…so he deleted me off of social networks and said he will when he’s ready and it was awesome meeting me….I feel so confused now on what to do; he seems to be completely over me after a short while and now I have no chance whatsoever, please help me!

Imogen

September 12, 2015 at 10:19 pm

Well I’ve decided that I’ll have to go down the friendship route at this point….although when I contacted him to say I wanted to be friends he is now not ready because he said it feels odd, I asked him if it was because he is finding it weird to see me in a platonic way and he admitted that it’s a bit odd for him….and that we will be friends but he just can’t right now…so I’m still confused now because he was the one that wanted friendship in the first place and now he can’t seem to, although we have decent chats and able to talk for quite some time but he just can’t seem to be officially friends or re-add me.

Cecy

September 8, 2015 at 6:37 pm

Hi Chris, how are you doing?
I posted a comment here yesterday (sept. ,7th) about my.. ‘strange’ situation…
But it appears to be still “awaiting moderation”.
I hope I didn’t write anything wrong ! 😉 eheh
Hope to hear from you, have a nice time there!
Thank you
Should I Reply to His Email?

September 8, 2015 at 6:35 pm

I may be feeling a little angry over how I was treated and distrustful; it would take a lot of effort on his behalf and perhaps even an apology to turn me around. I don’t really want him to have it easy. I was too available and tolerant before. I guess I am the female version of the vindictive or stubborn exbf now!
Should I Reply to His Email?

September 8, 2015 at 3:16 pm

Hi Chris,

I just successfully completed 30 days of NC, with a few days to spare. He had gchat messaged me and then emailed me during the 30 days but I kept to my solid 30+. Yesterday I replied to the email of him thanking me for a shirt I sent him to cheer him up a month or so ago when his/our pet died. I emailed back saying you’re welcome, hope it fit, and gave him my new number (I lost my old one back in August). He replied with a mini paragraph updating me on “our” pets (I don’t think of them that way anymore) and some stuff I had asked about before when I cared more and he always ignored and then about how he was doing lately.

Should I reply to his email or wait until he texts me? He tends to take the lazy way of online messaging/ email, though we did do that a lot when we were dating, but I think it allows him to keep me at arms length too much. He also would never reply before about things I cared about, only if it related to him, and since I broke it off and he is clearly more chatty than me/ misses me more (I may not have any feelings at all anymore), I am already in the position of “power” so to speak and I want to keep it that way as I figure things out. Any advice is welcome and in a month I see him at an event. I almost was going to stay in NC (45 days about) until I had to see him in person. Should I try to build rapport (reserved rapport) on any platform? I have been keeping busy with friends (I should take more pics for fb) and working out the whole time and I am currently pursuing a graduate degree, so I am entering UG status again and feeling just great and strong. Thanks!

Should I Reply to His Email?

September 8, 2015 at 6:36 pm

Sorry please delete the reply that went above!:

I may be feeling a little angry over how I was treated and distrustful; it would take a lot of effort on his behalf and perhaps even an apology to turn me around. I don’t really want him to have it easy. I was too available and tolerant before. I guess I am the female version of the vindictive or stubborn exbf now!
Should I Reply to His Email?

September 8, 2015 at 6:29 pm

I think if I want to be honest with myself I want to friend zone him right now. I don’t know what it’ll be like seeing him in person or if he actually started to make efforts again if my feelings would change. I would need a big effort from him. I am in my late 20s now and only want something serious and he was too indecisive after 9 months and like I mentioned ignoring me and taking me for granted. He is older than me (early 30s). I am actually considering dating other people a little again for fun and maybe to up my chances of finally meeting that special serious guy–like your wife when she met you Chris!
Chris Seiter

September 8, 2015 at 3:23 pm

I think you need to figure out what you want first for me to properly answer your question. You said you may not have feelings for him anymore and your trying to figure things out. Do you want him back or do you want him around as a friend? Or do you want him to go away? Let me know and I can answer you best.

Liz

September 8, 2015 at 2:11 pm

Hi Chris,

First I enjoy reading your articles very much, these give me hope. Thank you for these words.

Second, my situation is probably the hardest after I read most of your articles.

***”LDR with a new girlfriend, not sure if it’s rebound or cheating”
Me and my ex boyfriend were in a LDR for 3years, we broke up on Aug. 01 when he initially sent me a txt to leave me, saying that he started to like a girl, and he wanted to be with her…. He left me for a girl. Even a day before that brokeup txt, he told me he loves me very much I can take anything from him that’s why we were talking abt future plan and marriage.

***Situation between me & my ex now
After that I did No Contact rule for two weeks, but then I called him initially on the 15 day crying a lot. Begging him not to block me and continuing talking to me bcz I’m breaking down. He was even replied me that he wasn’t expect I love him this much, and thought I am strong and can forget him soon. He then finally promise me to keep contact with me everyday even until now… So we had basic contact thru the app & phone. We txt each other everyday, but I’m the one writing the most. My Fb has been blocked until now.

Although we txt everyday, he is kind of brushing me off, talking like I was forcing him to talk. Last few week all of our conversation was initiated by me, but from last Friday sth changed, he txt me initiatly and we had a short but nice conversation like good friend before. Then I ended it first. However he ignored & blocked me on app on Saturday& Sunday. This Monday he started to txt me initially again, I didn’t reply then he started to wonder if I was alright, but I decided to do the NC again from Monday already. Now it’s the second day, he did not txt anything anymore. I’m guessing its bcz he talked to me out of guilty and sympathy, now I also guess that he thought I’m forgetting him and move on already.

***Possible Reasons we broke up
During the talking, he said he still loves me but not like before even though we’re together for 3yrs.
He also kept saying that interns of appearance, soul and sex are all perfect, not my fault at all don’t blame myself.
I am with decent job and most ppl will think I am a model if they see me. I am not showing jealous bcz I trust him.
But he said he doesn’t want to be with me. He does not love me as before.
he told me he did not cheat me but the girl knew me even before we broke up and called me as “biggest love”… Here I doubt abt his words, clearly they started sth already for sometime but I never heard her and notice any of it. That’s one of the reason he broke up with me. And for other reasons are we didn’t meet for a long time, his emotional and sexual needs can not be fulfilled, his concern abt financial stability of himself, we did had many fights on Jul.

***Their relationship status now
He also claimed that he likes the girl, but it’s the girl initially add him on fb to confirm the dating into “relationship” on FB at the end of Aug.. They are together from Aug. 05, 4 days after we broke up. So it’s 35 days they’re public on fb together now. As you wrote in the articles, I keep an eye on their relationship. It’s the second day I did not contact him, then his new girl stared to post sth like” now it’s happiness it’s worth all catastrophe and disappointment she endured.” I stay calm but I guess she is eye on me as well thru my ex.

He is actually a tender, sweet and family oriented man. He spoiled me a lot he cherish me and want marriage with me. However, the tender and sensitive side of his personality, which is both the advantage and disadvantage, makes him easily to be affect. You could tell from that he unblocked me from app continuing talking to me almost everyday, and even sometimes show the intimacy to me. I don’t think that’s for booty call since we are now still Long distance. Although he claimed he likes the girl but he told me he still loves me but not as before, I know I love him very much as life partner. I will go anywhere he is. Now my questions are,

1. Should I continue the NC again for 30days?
I know I’m afraid of they’ll get closer since I can see the girl’s posting as she is apparently not happy bcz me &my ex are keeping the contact everyday.
2. Since we had started sth nice talking like good friend like before teasing each other for an hour txting, shouldn’t I continue talking to him? Bcz the new girl was apparently happy by posting thinking I left ( but actually I just don’t my NC for two days)
3. And is it still possible we will be together again?

Liz

September 13, 2015 at 4:53 am

Hi Chris, thank you for he reply:)

Yes, we do have a plan to get married and live together in the same country.
However, after a week we talked abt our plan, he broke up with me for other girl.

The update,
I did No Contact for a week, during this week he did text me call me trying to contact me.
He also mentioned in txt that the FB profile photo was great, so he is keeping an eye on my FB now even he blocked me.

After a week of NC, I sent a interesting txt to him. He replied me immediately even we had time zone difference.
He first asked me what’s happened, then he started to told me,
“I want to break up still, but I love you. So strange, I miss you actually and I do not have sex with anyone just you.”

I then ignored that, just telling him what was happened last week.
Surprisingly, he started to tell me I am his baby, he loves me, I am his love…calling our nick name as before.

I was emotional as well that time but I decided to end the conversation myself first by saying that “we talk tmr.”
bcz it’s in the midnight and he was emotional at night, I doubted the accountability of his words.
So basically, now we started to the emotional txt I guess.

But I wondered,
What does he want now?
Should I stay between the friendly txt & the emotional txt for awhile?
Any further suggestion for my gameplay now?

Thank you for your support honestly, Chris. I’m glad you’ve established this website, it is a great work .
Chris Seiter

September 8, 2015 at 3:49 pm

Ok sorry I answered your other comment before reading this one. Did you two have a plan to end up together in the same country?

1. Do no contact for a week and then contact him again. It will stir up some drama in their relationship.
2. No do no contact for a week this time to make him thing about you/miss you.
3. Yes it is possible.
Liz

September 8, 2015 at 2:44 pm

And it’s him repeating that he is happy to read my words he has enjoyed a lot, just cant reply to me sometimes bcz of being buzy but he will read. I don’t know if it’s kind of mind game or just trying to preventing me from getting crazy like the 15 days I called him txted him as gnat…

However, right after I called him on the 15 days, he told me that our conversation abt this breaking up should be a final decision. by the time past, the more we talked the more I don’t know if he is gonna write me an final decision or just the comforting words.

I honestly don’t understand his behaviour now, when talking with me more but still dating the new girl in the same country with her. I’m in the different country tho.
Is it possible that he might change his mind bcz he is now comparing? thats wht he keep me there.
And I’m on the second day of NC now, it indeed really a tough work. Bcz i’m truly afraid that they will get even closer like the time after I annoyed him.

btw me and my ex and the new girl, we are all from different country and non- English native speaker. I believe it’s the universal thing between man and woman, but somehow the cultural factors may be the issue as well?
Chris Seiter

September 8, 2015 at 3:32 pm

Cultural factors could be involved but just stick to the plan. You will be fine. Were you a long distance relationship?

lisa

September 8, 2015 at 12:37 pm

Hi Chris,

Messaged my ex after 1 week of not talking (after NC was done obviously)
asked to see him before i went away for months.. and being funny to “check his schedule” he said yeah sure! so asked what day he is free, he said maybe weekends… so ill probably ask to see him in two weeks or three.

for maybe late afternoon or hopefully dinner.

what do you think? if he truly liked someone else he wouldn’t of agreed to see me. but… he is the type to be polite and see people for catchups.

lisa

September 9, 2015 at 4:38 am

Because I know his stubborn behaviour and he wouldn’t of initiated it. He is such a open and honest guy, so he expects people to be upfront and not play games.. (he told me that)

yes he knows I am leaving but it’s not 100% might not go. Is it bad that I asked to see him even if he agreed to see me? even when we were going out I’d ask to see him and when we could see each other since he was busy.
Chris Seiter

September 8, 2015 at 3:52 pm

Ah he should be the one asking you to meet up. Why would you want to see him before you leave for months? When would you be coming back? Does he know you are leaving?

Swan

September 8, 2015 at 10:59 am

Hi Chris,

I think my situation may be a little different. I’ve had a sort of on off thing with a guy for the last 8 months. Somewhere along the way we became friends with benefits. We always said we’d put our friendship before anything else because it means a lot to both of us.

Recently, he started seeing someone and our friends with benefits ended. It was then i realised how much i like and care for him and want to be with him properly. Honestly, i was blindsided by this and it hurts. I started no contact, the main reason being i want to get my emotions in check and give myself a bit of time. I’m 6 days in and yesterday he text and called. I didn’t reply or answer. My main worry is losing the friendship. Its not usual for us not to talk for any length of time, because as i said, the friendship has always come first.

My ultimate goal is to heal emotionally and get into a proper relationship with him. So i was hoping for your advice on whether to continue with no contact in my situation?
Rosa

September 8, 2015 at 10:43 am

Hi Chris,
After me and my ex boyfriend broke up used I no contact and stuck to it completely. It hurt and I really missed him but I got into the mindset that I wasn’t going to force anything and if we were meant to be together I would leave it to fate. I hadn’t been in contact for two months. Two days ago he drunk texted me saying a lot of things like he still loved me and wanted me back. He then sent me a message the next day saying that no one should ever get drunk. I crumbled, got emotional and told him I still have feelings for him and have missed him but I don’t want messages like that because I don’t want to get my hopes up if we can’t be together and want him to leave me alone for a bit longer.

I think during no contact I was subconciously trying to convince myself that I didn’t want him back and didn’t care as much as I did. I’m going to do 30 days no contact and I have decided I do want to give trying getting him back a go. We both said we had feelings for each other when we broke up, our relationship wasn’t working because we both had a lot of things going wrong outside of the relationship and we were both struggling with university work.He was extremely stressed and I was very reactive and chaotic. We started arguing over silly things, didn’t talk about it and grew more and more apart.

My ex says he’s too scared to be in a relationship because he doesn’t want it to always be unhappy like this and because he treated me terribly and is immature. We’re going into our last year and he said that will make things much harder and it will get out of control. I feel a lot more on top of things in general now and feel I can balance things, apart from missing him i’m happy. I want him but don’t need to be with him. I don’t know how to go about things with him though as I want to at least try and get him back. I don’t know if it’s hopeless though, I feel nervous and pessimistic about it.
Kate

September 8, 2015 at 10:18 am

I was good friends with a guy for just over a year. We just kept having disagreements though. I asked for us to meet or Skype to resolve these issues once and for all, but he wouldn’t have it. He insisted that I had a motive with him and he didn’t want to know. But, he kept coming back to me. He’d go away and tell me he didn’t want to know me or speak with me, then he’d come back, then he’d go away. When I told him that he didn’t seem to know what he wanted, he was adamant he was sure he knew. When I then showed him his messages where, one month he’d tell me he wanted to remain in contact with me give this time, but just four weeks later, he’d tell me he wasn’t interested and didn’t want communication with me again, he told me that he, again, knew exactly what he wanted and it was not to speak to me again. A month ago, he told me that I’ll never here from him again, and he would put my messages in a folder and they would go unread, so I’d be wasting my time in sending any thing further, but he said that knowing my “habits”, I probably would message him regardless, and that’s exactly what I’ve done… It’s just, speaking with him is like a hobbit and I can’t break it. I want more than anything for this man to see my worth and come back to me, but he just doesn’t seem to. He’s blocked me on all online channels, except email, so that was my only way to speak to him. What do I do?
Elizabeth

September 8, 2015 at 2:41 am

Hi Chris,
I am on the first day of week two of NC with my ex boyfriend of nine months. We were fighting all the time, he brokeup with me then wanted to work it out two days later and then we ended up hanging out again for two weeks and then I ended it again. He tried to treat it like I wasn’t serious and wanted to continue talking and I said “If there’s any hope for us in the future then we need to let each other go now. It’s different this time.” I also told him I had went on a date with someone else. Yesterday he deleted me off Facebook, Instagram, and SnapChat. Can you tell me what this means? Am I getting to him? Is he trying to get a rise out of me? Or is he really just done with me and wants me out of his life? I’m still trying to figure out what I want but it hurt to see this. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

Elizabeth

September 15, 2015 at 2:21 am

Does it make a difference that he just deleted me, he didn’t block me. I can still see his stuff as well as he can still see mine. I have a week left of no contact and I’m worried to text him because I’m scared he may have blocked my number. But I also don’t know if a FB message is appropriate considering he deleted me. I think he is the type that deleted me to make me angry and get a rise out of me but I continued to ignore it and am acting happy and bettering myself
Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 2:13 am

You might want to head over to the blocking article I wrote,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-if-your-ex-boyfriend-blocks-you/

Cecy

September 7, 2015 at 3:36 pm

Hi Chris
I finally found the right place where to post my comment /question.
I am going to describe a situation which probably you haven’t seen before … or at least of which you haven’t talked before.
So I hope it can be useful for your site and your continuous updating. ( Compliments by the way!!)
I’ll try to make it short.
I’ve been in no conctat for 60 days now … yeah i know … too long, too risky…
But mine is a very special situation, and my ‘guts’ suggest me to keep away from him right now and you recommend to listen to one’s guts.

Me and my ex BF never had arguments, no cheating, no lies, no fights, no loss of physical attraction ( on the very day of the break up he said “ you are so beautiful”).
He broke up with me after a 1 ,5 years long wonderful relationship.
The reason?
I am the most beautiful, honest ,cool girl he could ever have, BUT he doesn’t feel like he felt before.
He could stay with me, cause i make his life better but … it wouldn’t be fair for me, cause I don’t deserve being with a man who doesn’t feel in it 100%.
Why doesn’t he feel it anymore?
We talked much about it, and we ended up with no clue, with him feeling immensely lost and guilty.
There’s no other girl . He’s very honest, but besides that, i have my ways to be sure of it and .. no there’s no girl.
He said I didn’t do anything wrong. Of course i didn’t believe him (maybe he wanted to spare my feelings), and I looked for my own mistakes: maybe in the last period i was a bit insecure and a little more jealous than usual ( for no reason). But he said that he doesn’t see any mistakes, and those little errors i made were of no importance. “ I whish i could find a reason, i am thinking about it everyday!” he said
The background?
My ex boyfriend is having a very troublesome time in his life. He left university ( which felt like a failure to him ) and tried to experiment a new career, which turned up to be hard and unsuccessful.
Plus, in order to do that, he had to leave his house and couldn’t see his friends as often as he used to.
He lost interest in all of his passions … well, me included i guess. He seemed to be a little depressed to.

At the beginning he was very confused, as if what he was going through ( lack of feelings towards me included) was just temporary, maybe. He was so confused that he didn’t want to close the relationship.
But he didn’t want to talk to me ,so i did end it.
Around 60 days ago i made a big mistake trying to get him back. We had a friendly, long, nice meeting … we were acting like a couple of friends like nothing happened. Since some time had passed i hoped things were clearer to him at that time. But he said he was still ‘confused’.
I was impatient and afraid to lose him, so i broke into tears ( Yes I know i was stupid, but it was before reading your site).I was needy for 1 hour or so. He said that he sees us trying to get back together, maybe, but “ now it is too early”.
After that, even if he said “ okay let’s keep in touch”, he didn’t.
I was never a text gnat, but 10 days after that meeting he wouldn’t reply to a simple “ how are you?”.
So the No Conctact was my only way. He dind’t contact me. I didn’t even wish him happy birthday. Complete silence.

Chris, can it be that sometimes, when i guy says “ it’s not you, it’s me” , it is the truth?
Can it be that when a man is feeling he’s losing in his life, he can lose his feelings for his woman too?
How do you handle it?
Or can you see something i don’t see in the whole situation?

Now i am working on myself, i am displaying a very independent and happy persona on the social networks.
But i feel I have good reasons to want him back. Our couple worked so well. I do love him, and i think we deserve a second chanche.I am proud and patient, and i have no problem going through NC.
But when i ask myself “ 60 days have passed, maybe i should contact him again” i voice in my head replies
“ no! it’ll make things worse, it’ll take longer for him to heal”.
So i am practically moving on without moving on.

What do you think of it?

Thank you so much

Cecy

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 1:57 am

Absolutely when a guy says its not you it’s me he could really mean it BUT usually that’s not the case.

Melissa

September 7, 2015 at 1:08 am

I want to do the NC for 30 days but I currently work with my ex and he is talking to his ex girlfriend. He got a new job and will leave in three weeks. If I don’t talk to him at work anymore does the NC still work? Or do I start whe he leaves work for good?

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 1:52 am

You might want to read this article,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-handle-every-situation-during-the-no-contact-rule/

Amanda

September 7, 2015 at 1:08 am

What happens if we’re both doing the NC rule on each other? He’s a very stubborn guy with a strong ego so I’m afraid the NC rule is not working on him as he has a I’m am the prize and your lucky to have me type of attitude. I broke up with him almost 2weeks ago after 4yrs and I haven’t heard a word. How can the NC works if he doesn’t contact you?

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 1:52 am

Well, that’s why I always tell women that YOU contact him first after NC.

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