The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Jill

September 22, 2015 at 8:17 am

Hey Chris,
Quick question. I was in a 6 year relationship, engaged, we have a 5 year old son together and a step daughter. I was kind of blindsided by the breakup. This is my family.
He broke up with me in mid July. Of course I did everything that I wasn’t supposed to do. I started Google searching and came across your site. I keep coming back to it. I recently moved into my own place and have my son full time. Last Wednesday he brought the rest of my things to my new place when he was dropping our child off. It hurt.
Thursday I started the no contact rule. It’s already helping me. That constant worry about what is going through his mind went away. There were things that I saw with him going out and lied about something he was doing, when I asked him before I started NC. For months it was me that was texting. He only answered what he wanted, ignored me about other things, and then was mean about the rest. I get it! I was a nag and he needed his space. Well all of a sudden yesterday morning, I got a text message from him. It said “I was thinking about some songs that reminded me of you and us.” I didn’t respond. Then yesterday evening he sent me another text that said “I just ate some risotto and it was awesome.” I didn’t respond. There was an issue regarding our child and I brought that up a little later. He didn’t respond and I know he read the message because my son called him last night to say goodnight. This afternoon he sent me a text regarding the message I sent about my son last night. Why did he wait so long? Based on his texts from yesterday, was he saving that one for today so he had a reason to contact me? The messages that he sent, are those going in the right direction?
This is the first time in 2 months where it feels like I’m hearing from my best friend again. Not only were we partners, but we were best friends. I so badly want to be able to respond to him, but I know I can’t. It’s way too soon and I am not going to risk it, if he is trying to regain control. I’m following your advice, I’m not that girl that won’t listen. I also know it’s too soon because just last week we were fighting terribly and he was saying that I just don’t get it. He’s said many things. First, he said he wanted it to work out, next he said it was done and I need to come to terms with reality, to maybe it can be fixed, to I need to get it through my head that it won’t be fixed. To me, my family is worth the fight. The kids didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for this. I originally chose to do the NC because I wanted him to feel all the emotions I felt for the past 2 months. I wanted him to feel the sadness, anger, lonliness, loss, and wanted him to have a chance to miss me. The main reason I did it, was so I can work on myself. I have to get settled into my new place and make sure my son is comfortable. I need to try to not be so hurt by hit. Let the initial sting wear off. My situation is much different and much more complicated that others I’m sure. I understand, if this is something that did work out, it would take time and patience and maybe us living separately would help, especially when we share one awesome common denominator.
I’m just wondering if the steps he has made are they in the right direction? In your guide it says bring up memories after the NC and he’s trying to bring it up 4 days in. With the way he has been acting, I’m shocked because I really thought he would be the one that wouldn’t contact during my NC time. I’m being as strong as I can and I was doing great, until he sent that first text. We see each other every day because he takes our son to school and we meet for drop/off pickup and it’s the same after school. Tomorrow he is keeping our son for a few hours before he goes on his next business trip on Wednesday. He will drop him off at my place and walks him to the door. I just don’t want to mess up any progress I have made thus far.
Please Help!

Thanks,
Jill

Jill

September 22, 2015 at 6:56 pm

Here’s am update. This morning he once again reached out. Let me emphasize how he was rarely the one to start any conversation since the moment we broke up, unless it was something regarding our son, after a surgery I had, and a hospitalization that came after I was discharged from surgery. Those two medical situations were the only time he cared about how I was doing after he broke up with me and I’m thinking that was because it pretty soon after the breakup. Never once after that did he ask how I was feeling after I got discharged. That is why I said that my situation is probably different than others. It’s because I am sick.
As I stated in my previous comment how he texted me saying that he hears some songs that reminded him of me and I didn’t respond. Well today my text message notification went off twice. He once again was reaching out to me. In each message there was a link to Spotify that connected me to a song. I listened to both because once I saw who the band was, I knew I would be hearing it later anyway because their album was just released. The songs hit very close to home. Music is his outlet and he does let his emotions out that way. With the songs he sent, I’m finally getting that emotion from him that I have been needing. His actions and lack of emotion had me convinced that I was the only one hurt and upset by all of this. I wanted to know if he missed me or if he ever thought about his decision to end this. The songs confirmed his feelings. He has thought about me regularly, he does miss me, he has regrets, but he didn’t know how to deal with me, when he couldn’t deal with himself. Since we do have a child together and he has custody of his daughter from a previous marriage, that I have helped raise since she was 4, I fought for this. That is the family we made and that I have been told so many times that I was the glue that held us together. I suggested everything and anything that could help us work it out or that can help us even see if it could be worked out, where it would last and be successful. Everything I suggested I either got no response or a flat out no. Well there was a lyric in one in the songs saying something about how she did everything she could and that is going to help the resolve and how you have to truly fight if you want something. So it’s confirmed he recognized it and that it meant something. Music is the entryway to his soul, so I know these things had meaning to him.
So once again, here I am and just when I thought I was doing good, he comes in and shakes it up. I didn’t respond. Of course I wanted to, but I know I can’t. With his actions today and from the past few days, I see that it’s starting to hit him. It makes sense seeing about what he did this past weekend. He went to a festival with friends. It is a festival that we have been able to stream every year since we met. With the acts that were there, I hoped it would tear at his heart strings a bit. There are a lot of memories there and I know that is something that he would’ve loved me to be at under different circumstances. Since I wasn’t there and as I stated, we truly are best friends, I know it’s killing him because he has so much he wants to tell me about. I just want to be able to talk to him and see where his head is at, especially because of the fact he sent me those songs and that his way of showing his emotions. I won’t though.
When we broke up, we didn’t see each other for quite some time. As I stated above, I am sick and had a surgery and a hospitalization. During that time, he had our son. Since I had a very strict recovery and a difficult one at that, I knew that I couldn’t properly parent my child when I was like that. The times I did pick him up or get him dropped off, he had his mom do it. So between the day we broke up and the first time we actually saw each other, I already lost 20 pounds. Then as of today, I have lost a total of 34 pounds. I know he sees it because everyone else does. That has truly helped me feel good about myself and helped my self-esteem. So I’ve accomplished that and I am getting back to the woman that he loved so much. My illness has stopped me in many ways. I did change because it had took over my life. I couldn’t lose weight. With all the medicines it was making me gain and then lose and that was on repeat. So I know he sees that I am comfortable in my own skin again.
So once again, I have the same question as yesterday. Are the efforts he making good signs, meaning is this working or are these things he could possibly be doing to play games to regain control? Honestly my heart is telling me that this is the first step we need to take. I finally stopped being the gnat and he had time to miss me and actually think about things. It makes me wish I would’ve came across your page 2 months ago, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t think he would’ve ever told me to come home. Not that soon. So him seeing that I got my own place also shows I’m working towards getting my independence back. My main concern today is, that after he spends the evening with our son, he will be dropping him off at my house. He will walk him to the door. We are normally really good about not discussing about us or our relationship around him. He doesn’t need anymore confusion or to hear something that he doesn’t need to. What if there is that chance though that he asks me about the songs or says something like he is ready to talk, what do I do? I don’t want to come off mean because this whole time, I have remained nice. Never raised my voice or picked a fight. The only time I did anything along those lines was last week, after he brought the last of our stuff here, I sent him a text message, that was classy, just stating my disappointment and how the way he did things was wrong. I think that is something that might have added to the drama of the NC. I just don’t want to mess up and I have a few hours to figure it out and regain my composure. Any advice and thoughts on his behavior will help.

Jill

Denise

September 20, 2015 at 2:10 pm

Congratulations on your daughter being born!! This seems to fit perfectly in accordance with your profession. I am interested in having my ex in my life as a friend and maybe spreading out the to do list found in ex boyfriend recovery pro. I do not believe that he will want to talk to me if I am actively trying to get him back. He made it clear that he does not want a relationship and blocked me from all forms of contact. I think this guy needs a lot of time to figure out what he wants and I want to be his friend as he goes through this because I genuinely love him. I care about his happiness and him dating someone else does not bother me. I just want to be in his life to watch him grow, because like I said I genuinely love him. Comments, thoughts, suggestions?

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:33 pm

Thanks Denise!

Not sure being his friend will work. He may just use you for emotional support and that’s it.

Gen

September 20, 2015 at 5:56 am

Hey Chris,
So I just read about the NC rule for the first time and turns out, I’ve already been doing this for 26 days. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months and said that we should do our own thing for awhile because he just seemed too busy for me and he even said so himself when I broke it off that he’s going to be busy all the time anyways. Lately I’ve been missing him a lot (my friends say that I only miss having someone around) and it’s hard because we go to the same high school and I’ve been seeing him quite a bit. We don’t have any classes together but when we have run into each other and made awkward eye contact, we just ignore it and continue walking. He hasn’t tried to reach out during this period of not talking at all and I’ve been tempted to text him lately, but the fact that he hasn’t said anything makes me think that he’s moving on or doesn’t care. What should I do? Thanks!
Denise from Texas

September 20, 2015 at 4:31 am

Thank you for re-reminding me on the significance of no contact for me. I am rhe extreme 45 day plus no contact rule which I believe deep down is best. I want so badly to erase the time I spent gnating him. I like how you said the longer you don’t show the gnating behavior the better. I am willing to not contact him for 90 days. Would you recommend this? Why or why not? Right now my goal is to prove to him I am no longer s gnat, that I have turned back into that same person he liked at one point.

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:34 pm

Nope I wouldn’t.

It takes 66 days on average for a human to break a habit AND if you NC him for 90 days he can potentially get over you.
Denise from Texas

September 20, 2015 at 4:33 am

I want to get him back but first I want to truly never go back to being a gnat ever again….and in order for this to work I need him to see this and know that I am never going back to being a gnat ever.

Val

September 20, 2015 at 2:17 am

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend of 5 years decided to end things with me because he felt he didn’t have the freedom to go out with friends. After we broke up he started seeing another women way younger than him but still kept in contact with me on a daily basis. He keeps saying he’s not giving up and that he sees no one else but me in his future as his wife and mother of his children. We had a serious talk and he seems confused and suggested we take time apart to regroup our minds, heal, and figure out a way to cut ties with the other girl. He still hasn’t cut ties with this other women involved even though he knows it hurts me. This ‘other’ women situation has made things worse on us as in terms of reconnecting. He says he realizes how much he’s hurt me and acknowledges his wrongs. He even said that since we are not together I can do what I want. Now I just don’t know what to believe. Thing is he called me the other day and told me he was not going to contact me for a whole month because I needed to heal. So basically he’s doing the NC on me!
Is this a way of cutting me off slowly? P.S. His birthday is coming up, do I even bother to wish him a HBD?
Rebecca

September 19, 2015 at 9:58 am

Love the no contact rule!! I’m on day 9 now and finally on day 8 he text me. Not a massively exciting text suing he missed me or anything but still a text he would have expected a reply from… And I didn’t reply!!

I held strong on the no contact and it fills me with confidence finally having a little bit of control in this whole situation and being able to give him a little taste of his own medicine!!

Excited to see what kind of reaction the rest of the 21 days gets!!

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:35 pm

A good start for sure!

Elena

September 18, 2015 at 11:25 pm

Today is day 30 of my no contact but I’m going to wait another week or so. I was praying that your TEXTING BIBLE would come out before I made my initial move. Just purchased. So. Happy. 🙂 Wish me luck.
Merisa

September 18, 2015 at 7:48 pm

Hi Chris, I’ve been reading your articles constantly this week. So my ex boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half and things got pretty serious. We were each others biggest supporters. We talked about getting engaged after college and going to post-grad schools near each other. The last few months we fought more than usual, but we both were working 2 jobs over the summer and not communicating well bc of being so tired. About 2 weeks ago, he told me he needed to think about us and decide if we should stay together. Gave him space, he kept talking to me and we saw each other a few times. Then a week ago, he tells me he can’t do it anymore and ends things. I didn’t contact him because I knew he needed his space. 3 days later he messages me telling me he wants his best friend back and he knows that we can work thru it with time. Wanted to see me, but then put it off due to school work and other things for 3 days. I come to find out he was not doing work but hanging out with another girl. We finally saw each other and he was very distant and wouldn’t converse much after he was the one wanting to talk. We ended things yesterday. Throughout our relationship he never complained or tried to talk to me about any of the things that were his reasonings for ending things. I know he’s going through a busy and stressful time in his life. Do you think that the things he is going thru are causing him to rebel out against me and end things? And should I be worried about this girl that he is hanging around? I couldn’t think about being with someone else right now and its very painful that he is able to so easily. I need advice on what to do. I have started NC today.
Maven

September 18, 2015 at 4:56 am

What should a person do if they have a combination of things you talk about? I’m doing NC right now, only day 2, I did by the download but I have some questions.
I work with my ex, he is a barely begun recovering alcoholic and we weren’t even ‘together’ when we ‘broke up’ and it was over a misunderstanding in which he thought I was talking to an old exboyfriend. But he got very angry and I did try to explain but it didn’t help. He sent me the texts saying to lose his number, that he was over me and he’s blocked me on fb.

Now, the worst part is this was coming right off of another period of time when he was being distant to me. We dated for a few months, broke up and I (unknowingly) did the NC for a month and texted him and we started hanging out again. He told me last week that he dated another girl that night. He said that he wanted to see what it was like without me but also that he wasn’t going to see her again and it was me or nothing and even mentioned how he would be moving out in a few months. So we went on a date. The next day he was saying he was going sober and didn’t have a spark for me and didn’t want commitment, we fought on the phone about it

It broke my heart but I tried to stay cool about it and said we could be friends. He’s going through a really hard time getting sober and after a few days of not talking he started texting me regularly again and leaning on me for support. I gave him a ride and hung out at his place and sent him a good night text when i got home and he reiterated that he didn’t want a commitment, didn’t have a spark but he cared about me. The next day I made the mistake of sending him a text saying I’d gone and talked to another guy about him. He assumed it was my exboyfriend and flipped out on me in text for about 45 minutes before I realized his mistake. When I tried to explain that’s when he cut me off. Since this was before I found your site, I sent him a text a few hours later saying it was a misunderstanding could we forget about it? He didn’t respond so I tried calling him before we worked that next day and he sent it to vmail and I haven’t contacted him since.

We work together and he’s ignoring me (i think) and I’m ignoring him but trying to do it in a you’re there but I have other things to do, non-angry kind of way. He’s throwing away a support and friend over a misunderstanding but I guess all I can do is roll with it. He’s a very emotional person and if I had had any clue he would react that way to me talking to someone else I wouldn’t have said anything. I thought, if anything, he’d be jealous. And it sure seemed like it but he took it to an extreme even though he said he didn’t like me. I’m worried if I try talking to him in a month he will think it’s the same cycle over again and just ignore me. If I run into him in the breakroom should I say hello or not say anything? Since it sounds like the behavior of someone that thought they cheated, should I wait two weeks or the whole month?

Also I want to change jobs and move to a new place but I don’t know where to go. He lives in the city I work in now and originally I was planning on finding other employment and moving there so we could hang out more. Now I’m not sure that I want to since I don’t have any friends in the area. I have family in another city that I could search for jobs in and move to as well and would probably have a friend move in which would be nice. But he doesn’t drive and then I would literally never see him. I feel like I’m stuck staying where I’m at. I’m just not sure what to think at this point.
Tina

September 17, 2015 at 8:09 pm

I have a odd situation, that I have read bits and pieces of here in other peoples stories. So here goes:
I met this person at a work function earlier this year, we had a interesting meeting and I thought about him for months. But there was no contact, a couple months ago I reached out via starts with an “l” end with “in”, we connected and it went from there to phone calls, texts etc. for over a month and then we met for dinner. I felt very positive with this person, all the right things to say type. We made plans to get together the next week when he was in town, (he lives 5-6 hours away). I will say the messages and calls were confusing, one second we were playing and getting along the next I was bothering him it seemed, but when I said something he said I was thinking for him and he didn’t have a problem with me. So I went to meet him, he got held up in meetings and wasn’t able to meet until a couple hours after the set time, I actually got tired of waiting and left. He came running literally in the form of phone calls/texts. We seemed to get a bit closer. That was 2 weeks ago.
We had a minor snafu last week, where he said something via text to the effect we should never talk again and I was like whoa, what in the heck – all I want is respect. But we spoke on the phone later that day, and I was convinced by him that he wanted to keep going. Texted over the weekend, talked monday, there was a work function again that I was not going to but he was (we work in same industry, different roles), he was sad I wasn’t able to make it after all. By the end of Monday we spoke again, and I had worked it out to go. He said he would call me back Monday evening to get all the details, I bought a ticket. He never called me back or texted, so I called him on Tuesday, sent a text asking him if Thursday was good, no response. He called me, I missed the call but got v/m he would be able talk to me after 5, I called him – no response. I waited a while and decided this was crap, he was making me wait for what reason like a couple other times, I felt disrespected because making arrangements to travel last minute was very hard. He got all pissed off at me when I called him out on the disrespect and said never to contact him again. I said “all I asked for constantly was respect and communication”, he then said I pushed him away and forced him to block my number. My response was I will get a refund on the ticket 🙁
Its real confusion here, cause I was clear I needed respect and communication, if he couldn’t call when he said fine, just text me later, or reply to my text something. I hate this cause I really like him, albeit I have fallen for him and I can’t figure out why.

So I read about NC, and I am going to try that – but really is it even worth it all things considered??
Is this Breaking NC?

September 17, 2015 at 5:41 pm

I am on day 8 of no contact and I thought of something that I am not sure if it is breaking NC or not. So on Snapchat, there are people’s stories and the people who post them can see who views them. If I view my Ex’s Snapchat story is that breaking No Contact?
Swan

September 16, 2015 at 6:55 pm

Hi Chris,

Please help!

I think my situation may be a little different. I’ve had a sort of on off thing with a guy for the last 8 months. Somewhere along the way we became friends with benefits. We always said we’d put our friendship before anything else because it means a lot to both of us.

Recently, he started seeing someone and our friends with benefits ended. It was then i realised how much i like and care for him and want to be with him properly. Honestly, i was blindsided by this and it hurts. I started no contact, the main reason being i want to get my emotions in check and give myself a bit of time. I’m 6 days in and yesterday he text and called. I didn’t reply or answer. My main worry is losing the friendship. Its not usual for us not to talk for any length of time, because as i said, the friendship has always come first.

My ultimate goal is to heal emotionally and get into a proper relationship with him. So i was hoping for your advice on whether to continue with no contact in my situation?
jenn

September 16, 2015 at 11:54 am

Hey Chris,

My name is Jenn I have been heartbroken over my break-up with my ex-boyfriend for a whole week I did the crazy calls, text, leaving voicemails to prove that I am sorry. I lied to him about being in the mall with ex we were walking arm and arm talking very innocently I only prefer to see him in public places (he knew that we were still in contact). He also tricked me and lied to me in order for me to come clean about the lie. But I told him the truth, upfront about everything. And now he feels that there is no trust, he cannot trust me, and that things will never be the same. I asked him for another chance, just give me a chance he stated he needed time.
We have only been seeing each other for about 9 months and I truly feel we have this deeper connection and love for one another, instant connection. So I’m not sure what to do at this point I stopped calling as of today, deleted his name and text messages from phone only way not to contact him. So I am not sure how long I should do the “No Contact” and is it even worth it. I want to save this relationship at any cost, and I want him to know how truly sorry I am. Ive been in tears every since this has happened. And I feel bad that he’s hurt, because I never meant to hurt him.
Winnie

September 16, 2015 at 2:13 am

Hi Chris,

I made a mistake 2 days ago by sleeping with my ex, and I really need your help.

So my story goes like this. I broke up with my ex a month and a week ago. I successfully completed the NC for 30 days after the break up. In that 30 days, he messaged me a few times asking me out for dinner or coffee, and he asked me again to meet up after we started talking again before his 2 week long travel. Initially I decided not to go meet him because it was only 4 or 5 days after NC, but we ended up doing video call and things got interesting. We started to talk about what we missed the most from each other, and at one point I said I missed the cuddling the most. And I suggested him to come over and cuddle with me. That’s how I ended up sleeping with him. I thought things went pretty well in the morning when we had breakfast, because he was staring at me, touching me, and seemed obsessed with me. I became impatient after he left, and sent him a message asking if he wanted us to get back together. But he said we shouldn’t, he wanted to stay friends with benefits with me. And I clearly stated I don’t want that. And he stepped down to ask me if we can stay friends because he still likes talking to me.

It’s pretty obvious that he’s using me for his physical and emotional needs, and I’m wondering how can I get out of it and make him commit. I’m going on NC again starting today, I’m wondering how long should this one be? 15 days or a full 30 days? And I said that I will pick him up from the airport when he comes back, that’s in 15 days. And I go on travel for 3 weeks the next day after he comes back. Should I still do it? Or should I tell him that I won’t go?

I thought that this month when we travel will be a great time for us to build rapport and start things again, but I totally blew it. Now I’m so mad at my self and desperately need some help. Please reply to my comment, I will appreciate it so much.

Thanks
Winnie

Winnie

September 17, 2015 at 3:39 am

Update: When I decided to go on NC for 30 days, and told him that I won’t pick him up when he comes back, to my surprise, he told me that he’s considering if we can and should be in a relationship. And I told him to talk to me when he has an answer for that.

Should I contact him in the meanwhile waiting for his response? I’m afraid I haven’t build enough connection with him that he won’t give me an answer that I want. I’m not having my hopes high on this one. What should I do if he says no? Should I go on no contact for 30 days again or build up attraction from that?

Marina

September 15, 2015 at 3:57 pm

Hey Chris,
So I have been just about a week into NC with my former boyfriend, and things were going great.
Yesterday however, I ran into him. Turns out both of us decided to volunteer our time at an evacuation site for a fire in our area. I saw him, and we locked eyes. He seemed very shaken and awkward. He said hello and asked how I was doing. I kept my replies very short and to the point, staying very calm and cool.
A complete change from how I was when we first broke up, about a stage 8 clinger. At the end, he asked if he could get a hug. I stood there for a second, not knowing what to do, then I just nodded my head and opened my arms and let him come to me. I tried to give him a very brief “friend zone” hug, 5 seconds tops, but he pulled me in and held me there for a good 20 seconds. I could tell to him that this hug meant something…
I ran into him again later that night and he began telling me how he felt so sad. He told me how he felt so insecure with himself now that I was gone, and that he was trying to workout to feel better because I had made him feel like he was “worth something.”
He also started to cry (very unusual for him) because he said he knew I would always be the girl that got away and he that he wouldn’t even bother looking (ungettable girl?!). He also said that when he saw me, up until that point he had been doing fine, and then his world came crashing down and he couldn’t see straight. I resisted the urge to comfort him, instead I just listened, trying to stay VERY controlled and stable. He then commented saying I seemed very emotionally removed and closed off, and that I seemed to be handling the break up way better than him. He even went as far as to say that the thought of me with another guy has been eating him alive. He said he wished deep down that I could wait for him to sort himself through, but that I would never wait, and why would he expect me to. He did say towards the end that he couldn’t go back on his decision and that he knew the break up was for the best and he had to do it in order for him to find himself after being in back to back long term 3-4year commitments back to back.
After the long conversation, he once again asked for a hug, I kept it very short and patted him on the back and then said goodbye. He stood there stunned, it almost looked him he had been run over, and then he walked away and got into his car…
As I am submitting this comment, he has just texted me 7 long texts…
Well it looks like the NC is working, I tried to handle running into him to the best of my ability.
I know I should continue NC, should I start all over at day 1?
What would you recommend?
I look forward to your reply! 🙂
June

September 15, 2015 at 11:27 am

Good day to you Chris!
I am really hoping you’ll reply to my comment. I was trying to find ways on getting over my ex when I stumbled into your articles that gave me hope for getting back together with my ex.
He broke up with me because of LDR. He said, he doesn’t see that forever with me anymore because of this long distance thing. But the unusual part is that, I accepted it, I didn’t beg for him, instead I asked him to take it slow. And he agreed since, he said it was hard for him too. So, initially, the plan was breaking up slowly and all at once. Stay friends, keep chatting on messenger until the feeling is gone. We even plan a holiday next year. Going together as “friends” (duh! ok! with benefits).
Two days after the break up, I cut my hair, posted on fb but didn’t chat him, I don’t feel like it. He didn’t like any of my posts. Still I didn’t chat him. I wasn’t aware of the NC rule yet. Two days after, he send me a message of “nice hair”. But I was soo hurted already that time, the anxiety of losing him and changing my fb status to single sink in.
I officially said goodbye to him, wished him a happy life and send him a song about how someday i will find the one.
And then, deactivated my fb account, remove his number on skype and all possible contacts. I didn’t realized I am doing the NC RUle. It’s been a week now and he doesn’t seem to care. Am I Doomed????????!!!!!

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:47 pm

No way.

You are just starting out.

Maybe Mistaken,

September 15, 2015 at 6:22 am

Hi, I have an important question which I will get to once I explain. My boyfriend and I were together for 7 and 1/2 years. He started drifting away from me because we were arguing a lot. I tried everything to correct my behaviors but we still argued. I went in the hospital for surgery and I was there for three weeks. I saw him drifting even further away. He wasn’t there for me in a boyfriend capacity and I could feel that. I finally cam home and two days later he dumped me, saying that all our interactions were negative and he fell out of love with me. I cried a lot, I was on a lot of pain meds and I seriously over reacted but I don’t remember most of it. After I slept it off, I went around and apologized to not just him but everyone else who was affected by my behavior. The kicker in my situation is that we live together and neither of us can afford to go somewhere else. My maybe mistake is that I asked if we could still have sex because I like sex. I still care about him and I am trying to give him as much space as possible but we still have sex. I’m also still not very strong after my surgery and largely dependent on his help. Once I heal completely my intent was to get busier with other things even before I found this site. My specific question is should I stop the sex and try to initiate as little contact as possible for the time being? It hasn’t been very long, but I’ve already set it in my head that I need to work on being a better me. Any advice?
Nish

September 15, 2015 at 1:42 am

Hi Chris!
Would the NC work when its a newer relationship (close to a month) and he just stops talking to me without any indication anything was wrong?

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:48 pm

I would say shorten it up in this case.

Pola

September 14, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Hi Chris..
I have big big problem.. I was with my ex almost 10 months.. out relationship wasn’t easy..till last days he was telling me that he love me but 2 days after his birthday he broke up with me. I got that very bad way..how come 2days ago he was telling me that he love me..I start texting all the time.. being clingy and needy.. I realize and he told me that I put to much pressure, I pushed him away and to many things happen for us to get back and for him to love me again.. it’s been week that I don’t text him at all.. he is not texting either.. he is saying that he is happy alone.. but I’m still hoping… in seeing him next Sunday and I’m so worried that he didn’t miss me at all in those 2 weeks… that I made to much damage..
What do you think.. should I still give us a chance and after meeting stick to 30 day NC rule ?
Medelene

September 14, 2015 at 12:27 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I broke up two months ago. It’s my first time being dumped, so I definitely didn’t handle it well. We have been in contact quite a bite since the break up via text and even saw each other once. I think it’s actually made things worse between us. I have decided to seriously implement the NC rule starting this past Friday. He texted me regarding moving my stuff out of the apartment yesterday and I responded politely but kept it brief. Do you think that there is still a chance that the NC rule would work for me at this stage?

Thanks!

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